Gender variant goobledigook

But basically having this sort of gender neutral life just doesn't have me align with most trans women but also doesn't have me align with non-transitioning non-binary people.

I've been on and off hormones since I was 15, I'm fully engaged with other trans people my age, my friends are quite normative trans femmes and some non-binary people.

But like I still am in this weird path, I want to have my breasts removed. My stomach curdles when men I date sexualize them. I never had dysphoria around them because I was about a small "a" cup from 13 on.

I want FFS in one area but don't care about passing even though I actually can and did so for a bit in a new city.

I don't care about living a life that's different and markedly trans.

Is this all stemming from a supportive home that didn't push anything?

I even question why I'm having problem with this? But I think it's because it's so different and none of my friends relate. I feel illegitimate :-(

>>8561562
>I got gynecomastia at 11 and he said nothing was wrong with that and it was how I was supposed to be.
Huh? Were you fat, or are you saying that your personality or feminine behavior lowered your T and caused that?

>>8561595
I was chubby for awhile but when the weight went away I still had them.

When I told my doc I was wanting to transition at 15 he was like "hm, I was waiting for this day" and asked if he could do the chromosome testing. This was about a decade ago so like maybe it was naive of him but I just took it to mean I was predispositioned to be low T from birth.

I never took the test, I don't think I'm intersex, I just think I'm lower T. Which may also explain why I'm so tall compared to my family or I don't look like them cause all my brothers are rugged looking.

>>8561562
>I couldn't wear dresses so there was a limit
>but I still had dysphoria around my gender.
Gonna say these two go together.

>>8561565
>Is this all stemming from a supportive home that didn't push anything?
That's my guess.

>>8561595
She was probably always low T.

>>8561627
I actually don't desire or have an interest in dresses and skirts anymore, I actually feel cringey about how much other trans girls and femmes in my community attach gender to clothing of any kind.

To some extent I can say that because of treatment outside my home I sought to conform to a gender identity that would have better acceptance but this is an unknowable.

>>8561565
>I feel illegitimate :-(
Don't! Legitimacy is a meme! All that's important is what's most suitable for you.

>>8561637
>I actually feel cringey about how much other trans girls and femmes in my community attach gender to clothing of any kind.
That's understandable. What orientation are you and the trans girls/femmes you know?

>To some extent I can say that because of treatment outside my home I sought to conform to a gender identity that would have better acceptance but this is an unknowable.
Doubtless. There's no avoiding gender in our society. But I'm sure your gender neutral upbringing has had a huge positive affect on you and without it you'd be more like one of the such sadder cases of trans girls.

>>8561663
Well my closest trans friends are all interested in men but in the broader community I hang out and party with half are around 21-30 and are "transbians"

I don't even have too much attachment to femaleness or woman's, transness yes but like I don't cry or get upset over not being seen as "just a woman". It's that kind of thing that I feel really sets me a part you know?

>>8561673
Which of the friends/broader community are the ones you feel attach more to the clothing?

>It's that kind of thing that I feel really sets me a part you know?
Just find people who feel the same, or at least understand that you're different.

What is it about transness that you feel attachment too?

>>8561685
My closest of closest friends are older cis women who I've been friends with before I made trans girlfriends.

Clothing wise I dont dress like either group of trans folks I hang out with.

My experiences have always been different from cis men and women. I was never raised to "be like the boys", by the time I was a teen I was sheltered and kinda over protected by a father who thought around the corner there was some man who was going to rape/molest/fuck me so for quite a bit he would basically make me stay in our house.

My older siblings all boys just were raised differently.

But my friends who are cis female also don't have experiences of say their fathers encouraging them to be defensive/protective of themselves and their personalities/emotions.

It's always been this in between or neither. "Cisness" has no appeal, it's not something I can say I've ever approximated or was taught was a goal.

It's late so I guess I should sleep

I'll respond back tomorrow