Can we get a feels thread? Post what's bothering you

>>8555044
I'm worried that I already missed any chance to have a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship with someone that I find attractive all because men my age refuse to take care of themselves. I could try going for younger guys but that just doesn't feel right.

>>8555140
What happened

I cant be a good slut kuz mg bfs cock is too large and it hurts me when he pounds me :(
I feel like a bottom failure

>>8555140
Get a trophy twink.
>>8555168
Use drugs.
>>8555044
How do I do spoilers?

>>8555164
I didn't come out until 22 due to religious brainwashing, spent my early 20s taking care of my nephew because his mother was a worthless drug addict, fell of the roof and smashed my lower leg and couldn't walk for several months. I turn 28 in August Only ever had one bf ,no sex. The vast majority of guys my age have let themselves fall apart. I'm not fat and don't find fat men attractive.

>>8555198
Spend a week in SF at the Castro and that will change

I msged my ex gf but she hasn't responded and I really miss her. I can't tell if I'm blocked or not. Guess I can't say I expected her to respond since I stopped talking to her for months

>>8555044
I feel like a failure in life, I hate myself over being born as the wrong sex, yet I'm to scared to do anything about it because of social reasons. I consistently cry myself to sleep because I know as each day passes I come closer and closer to being a disgusting hon. I feel like my entire body is a mistake, I'm too fat and unfit to be male, but my fat distribution is too masculine to be that of a woman's.

tl;dr
I hate myself for being male yet I'm to scared do to anything about it.

>>8555208
I can't afford to run off to the other side of the country right now. I'm guessing all your suggestion is, is casual sex with strangers.

>>8555271
>casual sex with strangers.
>Move to SF
Sounds about right.. I can imagine being that fucked but I don't think I'll ever be

>>8555224
Yup def blocked. Oh well

>>8555044
I have nothing but eternal hate for those who call behaving like a beast "pride" and dare to say I am the one who loathes himself. And I'm genuinely sad that I don't have the logistical means to end them all myself. Very sad. Like, I actually lose my appetite and don't sleep well because of this. They have no idea of the evil they create, these monsters who betrayed us when we were at our weakest point in this world.

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Man, I just sorely need some love and affection. It doesn't help that one of my best friends got a boyfriend recently. We've been hanging out with him and he's pretty cool but it just makes me more angry at myself that I can't establish those kinds of connections because of pure social ineptitude.

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>>8555044
I'm Bi, but my mother is so worried that I might be gay. I'm not sure if I am or not yet

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>tfw no bf/gf

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>>8555044
my mother is a disaster of a human. growing up she seemed to keep everythign together. maybe she did. maybe it was all a lie. Lying has become her primary form of communication. She treats us like her little dolls, insisting we act a certain way so she can pretend she has a perfect family, but then manipulating us against one another to suit her will. She fucks it all up then says it was just a game.

most recently she tried to turn me against my father. I didn't meet the man until i was 4, and I was not a fan. He was in the military so he wasn't exactly around a lot even after that. He left us for a year when i was 9 and i was basically left to take care of both my older and little brother. my older brother was a delinquent and I had to do my best just to stop him from destroying everything.

my mother came to me when they were talking about divorce and told me he left on purpose, that she suspected her of cheating on him with his brother so had to get away. I can respect the decision to run off and find your self, but it doesn't mean I have to respect him. This was the final nail in what was already a pretty full coffin.

but with everything coming to light, that might be a lie. I tried talking to them both about it, but he denied it, they both stuck to their stories , and then did what they do best: pretend it didn't happen. one of them was lying, the other knew it, and they just keep on going as if it didn't matter.

cont

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>>8555743
even if he didn't have a choice in leaving us, it doesn't do much to change how I feel about him. Hes not the perfect villain by any means, but he was a bad dad, even when he was around. for some reason he picked on me the most, probably because i was the least masculine of his sons. If my older brother hated carrots he had no issues, but if i hated lasagna, he would keep up all night until I ate it, then when i finally tried, id vomit, and he'd smack me and tell me i was being 'dramatic' (as if i could force my self to throw up).

I could forgive this, I could forgive him leaving, I could forgive him smacking the shit out of me simply because I was a nervous laugher. he had some heavy crosses to bare and we all let it out negatively.

but what really makes me unable to forgive is that when I told him I was molested, he told me i needed to 'get over it' so that we could keep the family together. they insisted I continue to even share a bed with my molester, my brother.

My older brother molested me when i was 4 and he was 6. it was traumatic for the obvious reasons, but not something I held against him growing up. he was 6... not exactly the same person he is now. The unfortunate truth is it didn't end with the molestation. He is a big man, and he believes that being big means that he is in charge.

I remember one christmas I came back to visit, and my father had woken me up at 7am. like my brother, my father needed to just assert his dominance. I wa sfine waking up if there was a purpose, but i was grown man who lived on my own just visiting for the holidays, and my dad insisted 'if you're going to sleep under my roof, you gotta wake up when i want you to'.

i went to facebook and simply posted 'being an adult should mean being able to sleep in if you want to'. a bit passive agressive, sure, other than for the fact that I more or less said that to him first. i didnt see an issue with posting that.

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>>8555745
this apparently made my mother cry though. She needs to have the 'perfect holiday' every holiday. i remember when we were younger we'd argue over which actor appeared in which movie, and she'd throw a plate at the wall and say we ruined christmas.

this facebook status about wanting to sleep in upset her. the next day my family and I went out shooting. on the way back there wasnt enough room for all the guns in the trunk so i held one in my lap as my brother drove us back to the house.

thats when he began to threaten me. he asked why i posted it, i said i was expressing my feelings. He said 'well i express my feelings with my fist, so next time you express your self im going to express my self all over your face'.

i was there, an adult, with another adult threatening to assault me because i posted an innocuous facebook update about wanting to sleep in. i had a gun in my lap, and it was already pointed in his general direction. 'i have a gun' i said. 'do not threaten me ever again'.

since then we have never been alone together. This essentially highlights our relationship. Since the very beginning it has been that he is bigger, so he is in charge of me, whether it be sexually or physically. growing up did not change this mindset at all. if he had just molested me as a kid i could overlook it. but he continued to believe that he was in charge simply because he was big.

but he took me seriously in that moment, and as a result we are no longer close.

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>>8555747
now tonight is has come full circle back to mother. I was the last one to turn against her. She's tried to commit suicide (or pretended to at least) so many times in the last two years that its just become exhausting. and then she comes to me and says 'you are the only reason im alive. id die without you'.

tonight i called my little brother to inform him that I am going to be changing my number and leaving the family indefinitely. he was understanding, having still lived in my mothers town and seen her through years of abuse, cheating, and alcoholism.

we exchanged what we knew... he had no idea about me being molested and mom and dad just insisting i pretend nothing happened. likewise, I did not know that mother had come to both of them when i posted that facebook status about sleep and had asked them to get me to stop. I doubt she asked my brother to physically threaten me, but this is the kind of games she plays. Act like a victim if anyone steps just a little bit out of line, and turn everyone against each other.

she used to tell me I was her favorite. for the longest time I actually believed her. Now I wonder if she told my other brothers that too.

bought a new phone, changed my number, and asked them not to try and find me. we'll see how it goes.

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>>8555044
>almost one year hrt, still present male
>no goals
>crippling dysphoria
>weak sense of identity
>take lots of drugs to disassociate from everything
>no enjoyment from hobbies
>everyone around me is moving on in life
>living a complete lie, and as a result feel almost no real emotion.
>unable to love myself

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I started hormones at 24. Incredibly late. I'll never pass. My boobs are growing to become tits and I look no more fem than I did when starting so I'll just become this awkward hon who's clearly trans.
I'm not masculine by any means, I'm very effeminate in terms of guy standards but not feminine in women standards; I could/do make a good femboy, but no one seems to understand I don't want to be a femboy, I want to be a girl who passes and just is treated like one, but I'm just a beta weak loser who people can mock for not being manly enough.

Meanwhile I talk in video games on voice, and some friends I've met and people I've asked said I sound female; Except I vocaroo'd myself and listened back and I just sound like a fruity gay who's trying too hard to sound like a girl; Because of this I feel like everyone can clearly tell I'm a Trans person and are simply giving me the pity card that they'll say I sound like a girl when I don't think I do in the slightest.
I've had random people make fun of my voice, mocking me, but I've also had some people call me a girl or ma'am. I feel like the world is against me.

>>8555723
Why does she care?

>fake trans
>have to read the Theaethetus and write a 8 pages long essay about one aspect that i found interesting
>can't be arsed.

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>meet friend
>super neat
>like cool stuff
>friend stops answering
>fuck did I do something wrong?
>i always get like this
>even with just friends i start checking IM's throught the day
>It's Killing me. No idea why the talk stopped
Idk what to do. Think I'm just gonna wait it out. If they don't want to be pals that's fine. I just wish they'd tell me.

>>8555044
Already came out to several friends as bisexual, as well as my female cousin (who's also bisexual) but would want the rest of my family to know in the event I end up with a guy. However, the only reason my family was accepting of my cousin was because she's a girl.

Several members of my family have made their opinions on gay/bi men clear, including my uncle (a former Klansman) who's been a father figure to me where my own father was absent. His own son came out as gay and he beat him senseless. My fear isn't the physical repercussions, because I can more than take care of myself, but the emotional ones.

I know it's easy for people on the outside to say
>"Your family are hypothetical assholes! Fuck em!"
Or
>"Why care what they think?"
But that's because they don't know them like I do. They weren't raised by them, taught life lessons by them, supported through hard times by them. I love them, and it's what hurts the most.

>>8556057
I have this same problem and it's hard. I'm so lonely, but at the same time I'd rather just not make friends when everything I do never seems good enough for other people. I've become so afraid and despondent.

I miss being in a relationship. It's been about 5 years since I actually dated someone.

I've gone on dates with girls and talked to some for a few weeks but it doesn't last, I blame my anxiety and being ace.

I just want to find a girl who doesn't view sex as a necessity in order to have a good relationship.

>>8555750
Toxic family/10
Cutting bridges with these abusive, manipulative people is totally normal; your little brother should do the same ASAP

>>8556282
Well hey. Do you like gaems? If you want I don't mind posting muh steam info and we can try a friendship!

He doesn't love me and it hurts so much; I can't move on because he's the only good thing in my life, but I'm just a pleasant pastime for him

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>>8556395
"He's the only good thing in my life." Pull yourself together. You're posting from an air conditioned goddamn shelter. With YOUR computer. I'd say there's a couple good things in your life. People like you just perpetuate the stereotype that women like being used. Knock dat shit off m8. Drop him. Find a not cunt.

I'm in the closet bisexual irl because no close person in my life really supports being gay. I'm also a closet fur, which is even worse because everyone's already heard the stigma about furries and sexual deviance and accepted it as truth. The only places I can really talk about these things is online with people whom I will never really know and connect with. Basically, I can't share most of my recent changes or interests with anyone I'm actually close to because they wont understand and will ridicule the crap out of me. I don't really care what other's think, but I don't have a meaningful relationship so I'm trying to be close with my family.

Talking to guys. Finally found some interested. Been working out losing weight. Life's good.

Butt acne. Trying everything and it takes forever and makes me.feel like shit. I know I'm going to be embarrassed when it's time for sexy times if I don't get this cleared up. Frustrating as hell.

>>8556732
Literally same except face acne. And the interesting person stopped talking to me. No reason that I know of. Just boom no more talk.

I came out over text to another transgirl I know but hadn't talked to in awhile, but she was high at the time and I guess she got lost cause she stopped responding and now I wish I never contacted her and I feel like I'm being selfish in reaching out to her just cause I have no other trans friends.

I just seem to let all my friendships wither away and I want to change that so much, and now I'm only doing so cause I'm lonely and desperate for someone to relate to.

>>8556002
She wants Grandchildren more than anything

>>8555044
You know when I was young I wanted a big brute who could do me and make me feel cute and pretty.

Then I met a boy who while masculine was just so open and expansive that I lost that desire for some strong bear/jock type.

I ultimately just wanted to feel safe and secure with someone who understood and loved me.

To bad I have a number of things that effect my socializing, being considered attractive doesn't save you from not being able to articulate or express.
________
Anyways I'm doing BQ face category next month and have been applying lactic acid on my body every day, I'm also putting retin A in my face for smoothness and to increase my skins penetration as well as hydroquinone on my face and later body.

Ultimately I'm removing a "tan" thats accumulated over my skin so I can be the color of a bitten plum.

Hopefully I can win grandprize.

>>8555044
Family is in town and I'm not comfortable enough to present female to them

It feels like I'm repressing again and it makes me want to die

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I've been doing on-and-off HRT every couple of years since I was 18. I'm 26 now. The cycle goes like this:

>feel dysphoric
>take hormones for a few months
>realize I still look 100% male, except for slight boob growth
>flush pills and double down on work and escapism
>rinse and repeat 1-2 years later

I've never been on HRT for more than 4 months consecutively. Part of me wants to believe that it takes awhile to see changes and I should keep at it, but realistically I'm aware shit like facial structure and frame are pretty much immutable, and even after 2+ years I'll look the same (but with conetits).

I'm afraid eventually I'll have to chose between turning out as a hon or living with GD for the rest of my life. I wish there was a third option

I have become Suicidal and Depressed, really badly too.

I hate my Voice so much, I mean I like it but, I don't know if I am hugboxing myself since it's not a Feminine Voice, but it feels comfortable and right for me.

I don't know what to do.

The voice I am currently doing right now, isn't high as most Girls, and I am pretty sure still Boyish, but strangely enough, despite that.
I feel comfortable with it.

Of course I do want to do voice training.
But if worst comes to worst, I can still find happiness with a crappy voice right?

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>>8555044
I wouldn't say that my problems are really bad, but I still feel my brain breaking apart every night.
I came put as bi to almost all my friends and most have accepted me since they are good people. I tried to get into a relationship with three of them, but failed since none of them seem to really interested.
Meanwhile I am trying to look more feminine, but also keep it away from my family.
My sister is a good person, my mother is putting her nose in my stuff way too much and my dad is a homophobe.
While doing all that I still go to sports practice every day or so. It is what keeps my body so slim, but my genes are absolutely perfect so I don't have to worry about becoming too muscular and my proportions are very good for a boy and a girl so I can basically change appearance at will.
Currently I am letting my hair grow since it is the only thing keeping me from becoming a full trap.
Besides my friends I am really having trouble finding anybody to talk to. I don't like crowded places since I am a quiet person, but also don't know how to find other guys or girls that have the same interest as me.
I have also found a interest in cosplaying. The problem is that I have no way or place to order the costumes and just end up feeling non productive at the end of every day.
I may not have any BIG problem like some people on this thread,
(I deeply hope that you will be able to overcome these problems, some of the situations you are in really such) while all the little problems are slowly ganging up on me.
Thank all of you for reading these first world problems.

>>8555623
this exactly. you can be my boyfriend anon

>>8560548

meant to post here

>>8555044
The fact that I'm never going to come out as trans without pissing off my family and the possibility that my spice-affected brother will straight up kill me.

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>Meet a guy on a dating app
>We start talking more or less everyday for like a month in really big paragraphs
>Enjoying the conversations a lot even though he is busy with work
>The type of person who takes a while to read and respond to messages
>Ask if he wants to meet one day
>He agrees and we go into planning
>We meet up, both really relaxed. everything is just going well and exchange numbers at the end
>Start talking more for a month and have another date during the process
>He goes on vacation for like two weeks and ask for a third date
>He agrees
>During his vacation he becomes less responsi, but take it easy
>At some point he sent me a text stating he has the feeling that I seem to require immediate answers out of him and he hopes I have some understanding if things take a while because of his work, friends, etc
>Not sure where he got that impression from, but I state that everything's fine
>Fast-forward a bit and he just seems more and more avoidant even though I'm not really asking/talk a lot
>Yesterday we were supposed to meet up (it was planned spontaneous a while ago regarding CSD) but he also said he was taking 3 other friends along
>Asked about time and place a few days beforehand, but he was being vague
>Called him on that day just to make sure, but he said he was busy at that very moment getting tickets and all and said he'd just write back later
>Never did
>Asked him in the evening if he still wanted to meet up since it's been quite a while
>Responds later with "I didn't have Internet connection/data all day long, so I couldn't message you."
>Scratches my head and just state he could've just called instead while also asking about the third upcoming date
>Didn't really bother reading/responding yet
>Now kinda unsure what he thinks of me or why he is bailing in the first place

I don't really know what to do at this point, or if I can do anything at all, but I have a very bad gut feeling about this obviously and he seemed like an incredible nice guy.

>>8561892
Sounds like he's not into you and doesn't wanna straight out say he changed his mind about you coming

>tfw 25
>tfw no gf
>tfw depression ruined my life and im having a hard time recovering
>tfw every time i like someone and want to date them, it goes bad usually bc they ghost me
>>8555044
Share the bleach with me

>>8561910
Yeah, he said he doesn't fall for people that easily either and always prioritizes establishing something first and it can go in any direction from there on, but he surely dropped this fast since technically this was still the beginning of a friendship.
It's not like he blocked me either, but he probably just wants to let it fade out.

>>8561941
Well if you think he's worth it just keep talking to him I guess. You could get sad and let it die right now.

>>8556057
i know that feel anon people just stop responding after why and never give an answer, i feel like giving up trying now im hesitant to try and make new friends

>>8562060
Well, hmm, thank you. That seems to be the best approach. I'll just wait and see what happens.

>>8555044
>Once passable.
>Could no longer get hormones
>Lose pass ability over year period.
>Get hormones, get locked up because controlled substance
>Lose all transition passability
>Get out. Massively depressed.
>Kill myself with speedballs
>Revived.
>Do it again
>Revived
>Meet slightly older man by 10 years
>He sees photos of old me
>Takes me in.
>Moves me to him and gets me hormones
>Too depressed still to work.
>Lose a job every month because of lethargy
>Hormones are starting to work
>Personality shattered and still depressed
>For 4 years, I have wanted to die
>Do love him, he loves me a lot
>However I do not see any good future.
>Been dead before, giving life a chance did nothing.

>>8562153
Why did you lose access to hormones?

This is my first time using 4chan. I have had 2 relationships with girls (I am a guy) and I have kinda discovered that I find some guys attractive more than I have ever before in my life. What scares me if weather or not I should identify myself as bisexual or not because I am unsure, I haven't had actual sex yet with either gender despite being in two relationships. I guess that's where the term Bi- curious comes in? I have know idea. Sorry for my shit format but I hope I can find some answers here. Cheers

>>8555044
i've had crippling ADHD my whole life, and because i procrastinate absolutely everything to an insane degree, i'm never going to get anywhere in my life.
i can't do the most basic, daily routine things that every normal human can do, i just fucking hate myself

meds don't help,

>>8562177
don't worry about labels. any term like gay, straight, etc., is mostly just about how people want to see themselves — it serves a social function more than really describes any kind of sexual behavior.

If you don't like the idea of being bisexual, and you're only incidentally/occasionally attracted to guys, you don't have to call yourself bisexual

>>8562172
Because I had a specific brand that I didn't have severe reactions to. Doc cut me off because I smoked weed once in the past 3 months. The waiting list was a year at minimum.
Went back? Im massively depressed. She says I need to go see a therapist before she puts me back on. Scour the city, get what I wanted. Then locked up immediately after.

In my eyes. A gate keeper cunt. Only doctor in the whole state, so she had a monopoly on it.

>>8562186
Thank you, I hope to explore both eventually though. I am just a sexually frustrated guy haha thanks for your help

>>8562190
>Doc cut me off because I smoked weed once in the past 3 months. The waiting list was a year at minimum.
What an asshole.

>>8555224
>>8555289
>>8555404
Attention-seeking namefag and tripfag

>>8562202
Yeeeep. Had a hon tell me at a bar that I just needed to trust that my Doctor was doing it for the right reasons.

I really had to struggle to not rip into her at that moment. So much so I told her "Good luck with your brain." and left the bar.

I was quite the salty cunt after losing my life. Now? Im emotionless except for a cold intense ache that allows me to only feel pain.

My boobs are coming in p nicely and my body is all around ok, but my face is still a trainwreck. I should be getting ffs in like a year but its really fucing with me

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Just grappling with the fact that I have to be my own parent right now and it's hard to be accountable to myself when I slip up.

>>8562243
How did you get caught for the hormones?

>>8562275
illegally searched during a traffic stop for being "suspicious"

If you could guess. I have a lot of hatred for society at this point.

>>8562308
The fact it was an illegal search didn't save you?

>>8562315
I couldn't afford a lawyer. They took my phone and I never got it back because it was "evidence"

When I told them it was an illegal search and gave my case as to why it was? The judge just asked "Are you a lawyer? No? Then I don't think you know better than the officer."

>>8562315
Also my court appointed attorney was clearly just an asshole bitch. Don't live in the rural Southern US.

>>8562332
Stories like this are really making me hate society too.

>>8562337
How did she let you down?

>>8562342
She made no attempt at defense whatsoever. She then threw me under the bus when I told her what the pills were and advised I not receive probation, but 6 months.

When I said "What the fuck are you doing?" That was an automatic contempt charge.

>>8562355
Your own attorney said you should get a worse sentence? Wtf?

Why did she ignore it being an illegal search?

>That was an automatic contempt charge.
Did that increase your sentence?

How old were you over the year you lost passability?

>>8555044
>Be heterosexual
>Be for femdom
>Most femdom I know is women doing as the man likes it
>See bbc sissies
>Finally see people getting dominated
>Start fapping
>can't stop fapping
>I get gayer every second
>Don't mind me being homosexual
>Still love women
>Find men disgusting in real life
>Can't stop thinking about getting dominated by men when I have sex with women and when I fap
>Still love women
>Still want to exclusively fuck women
>But love the idea of getting dominated by a penis and only living to sexually be inferior

It's horrible. I love women, I want to fuck women, I want to be with a woman whenever I walk and see people. But when it's about sex, I just want to serve and I can only get off on the thought of getting fucked, while not wanting to get actually fucked in real life.

The horror.

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>>8555044
I think my ADs and mood stabilizers are kicking in, i just can't feel bad anymore and have some sort of barrier which just keeps me in a normal "meh"-state. Don't get me wrong, it's thousand times better than being suicidal but still, i feel somehow fake. I have euphoric moments now and then but still. eh.
Also lonely, tranny feels... i had two guys during the last few weeks who only wanted to make out with me, fell in love with me but i never even had them have a kiss, cause "i'm trans lol you know that right?". Feeling fake all the time ugh. I want SRS now but i can't even pay the 5k additional payment within the next years.
Don't leave the house anymore cause scary world and i'm broke and will leave my job (#sexualharrasment #rape #exclusion #bullying)
I've lost interested in the subject i studied 8 years for and now at 24 I feel way way way too old to do something else. Working with other humans would be nice.
I dunno I had like 40+ really life threatening things bothering just a few months ago but now i don't even remember them. Oh, worst thing is I can't remember things anymore, especially the stuff I learned in my apprenticeship and while visiting college/university (which i paid for ok I had two jobs just to make it on my own don't judge me ;_; )
+ no friends, none
+ afraid of getting homeless
+ drugs are the only way to keep me calm and give me good feeling now and then

thats it i think.

>>8556807
Just say you need help and that it's not the only thing that made you befriend her. We help each other out ok
>>8557189
you're a butthole for flushing huge amounts of meds down the toilet, into the environment, so fuck you. Also get started, it won't get better and you know it. You won't change if you discontinue all the time
>>8562249
for me it's the other way arround. My face passes since years but my breasts are still small. A handfull, yeah, but a barely-a-cup-tiny-breasts still looks stupid on a 6'0" hun

>>8562393
Stop watching porn for a while, you'll snap out of it

>>8562393
>Most femdom I know is women doing as the man likes it
I hate this. I can only get off to thinking of being the girl with a male dom.

>>8562402
I doubt it.

>>8562405
Well try it.

>>8562409
I don't watch any.

>>8562412
Stop masturbating too

>>8562383
>Your own attorney said you should get a worse sentence? Wtf?
I'll never trust any one that works for the state again.

>>8562383
>Why did she ignore it being an illegal search?
Because it was my word vs 4 sheriffs.

>Did that increase your sentence?
By 90 days.

>How old were you over the year you lost passability?
24 or 25. It's all blended into hell at this point.
I remember thousands of dollars of laser vanishing as my beard regrew. Surprise surprise! I hit that man puberty as well and ended up going bald and growing back hair and chest hair and ass hair.
Oh and I appeared to have aged a decade as well. My hair is grey now. I'm 27
Like I said the hormones worked again, however I have lost so much hair on my head I use a chalk to hide my bald spot. My favorite hair styles like Pigtails? Are out of the question now.

Like I said, I love my boyfreind. He loves me. The maintenance I require just to be andro now is fucking ludicrous.
Plus I never see myself affording again the ability to have SRS, not to mention the hair removal down south so I wouldn't have a hairball pussy.

>>8562415
I always have the same fantasies however long I stop for.

>>8555044

My toe hurts!

>>8562427
>I'll never trust any one that works for the state again.
Did she have any excuse for it?

>My hair is grey now.
Why?

>Plus I never see myself affording again the ability to have SRS
How much did the ordeal cost you?

How do you cope with the bitterness and hatred for society? With your boyfriend's love?

>>8562453
>Did she have any excuse for it?
To get the help I needed of course. I cant help but actually taste hatred when I think of her.

>Why?
I would assume stress.


How much did the ordeal cost you?
Financially 24.5K on hair removal alone.
Emotionally? A desire to live. A desire to inspire other people to live. The ability to enjoy any thing but a fleeting buzz from sex or drugs. Though I cannot do drugs at the moment.
Oh my Kidneys are showing signs of failing.
It cost me everything that was a guiding light or hope in my life.
Sure I'm still here, but after being dead twice and being revived with still functionality? You kind of just become numb to it for awhile. Though its certainly creeping back in and I certainly feel terrible for what I may do to some one who attempted to revive my ability to love and be good.

>>8562470
>To get the help I needed of course.
She was there to provide you legal help and she tried to get you imprisoned as therapy?

>Oh my Kidneys are showing signs of failing.
From the drugs?

What does you boyfriend do to make you feel happier or enjoy life?

>>8562481
She was there to provide you legal help and she tried to get you imprisoned as therapy?
Hatred tastes like sour blood. Which I taste when I think of this woman. May she get cancer

>From the drugs?
Id say a combination of that and a possibility I've been infected with hepatitis C as I did fight a dirty junkie in jail. It got real bloody.


>What does you boyfriend do to make you feel happier or enjoy life? Validation. Other than that? I really don't feel happiness. I respect him because he respects me. For what he attempted to do for me? I have a love that is muffled by hatred for every thing else.

So all in all? Not much, would've probably been incredible to meet him back when I did things. Now I even find art exhausting. Truly this is the most I've talked to anyone except him in months.

I did meet this trans-girl when I first got out to where I am now. However, she was pre-mones and ended up being so fucking weird fetishy that I cut her out of my life. The type that talks about fat furry porn and porn involving men turning into woman as a regular convo thing.
Which honestly made me even dislike our own kind to a degree. Because once she got on hormones? She ended up becoming a no effort screeching respect my pronouns type. I do mean NO effort. Won't even brush hair level of effort. Made me think she was a pure fetishist giving people like me a bad name.

Judge me as you will for that comment. I'm in vent mode now, which is nice to get off of my chest.

I don't know. I was once a good person, I was once mostly happy. Now? 95% of every thing worthwhile from life itself is gone.

I made some Mescaline a few weeks back, as I'd used psychedelics as therapy with great success before. The message I got this time? A barren dead dustbowl of field with decayed windmills and a constant dust kicking wind.

Where as before it was vibrant infinite possibility.

>>8562509
>I respect him because he respects me. For what he attempted to do for me? I have a love that is muffled by hatred for every thing else.
What's the relationship like for him, considering your state of mind?

>Truly this is the most I've talked to anyone except him in months.
That doesn't matter as long as he's enough to help you.

>Judge me as you will for that comment. I'm in vent mode now, which is nice to get off of my chest.
It's understandable.

>>8562542
>What's the relationship like for him, considering your state of mind?
Says I'm better than any cis woman he ever dated. That he would marry me if I would accept a ring. Which I wont as I'm too damaged.
We met years back playing WoW when I vanished and came back with a male voice. He was very confused. So I vid chatted him and he was like "Not at all what I expected" I then showed him what I used to look like. He then said he had to go. A few days later he came back on and confessed that he had fallen in love with me and he was willing to put every thing on the line to return me to what I was. Believing I'd become that shining light of love and reason once again.
He still keeps the faith that all I need is more time and money. He wanted me to work, and I tried. I even scored better paying jobs than him as I'm extremely charismatic. Yet I kept going in and just slumping into such bad depressions I'd just go on lunch break and get a pint of whisky and drink myself asleep in my car and pass out.
I attempted to leave him as I see no out of my downward spiral. He refused to hear that bullshit and exclaimed that he knew I'd die on the streets if he let me go.
Even as I am now, I can still make jokes, I can still laugh at some thing humorous, provide meals with care and take care of things he is not. Like negotiate rents going down for a month, or barter for fixing an AC unit. He's ex-military and has some trouble with social situations as he really hates everyone but his family a few friends and myself.
He eventually gave in and said that I could stay home and be a house wife essentially, but I'm seeing less and less money in his checking account every month.
I worry that he's having wounded bird syndrome and addicted to the excitement that I can offer, with out thinking of what holding onto dead weight in rising waters will do to him.

>>8562542
>That doesn't matter as long as he's enough to help you.
He keeps me from cooking crystal meth and selling it and essentially detransing and resigning myself to full on hatred for the world I suppose. Yet I see no return to contentment in my life. It's been a while now.

>It's understandable.
Some have said I'm a terrible person for that

Ive been a shut-in neet for the last 7 years, I never talk to people irl
I dont know how to live and dont want to
Im not autistic

>>8562610
Move to a country with an assisted suicide program.
And then end it.
ez pz

>>8562614
moving is hard, crafting a noose is not
only thing stopping me is it would devastate my parents

>>8562383
>>8562509

Different anon, dealt with legal system, its a farce.
The default attorney they are legally required to give you wants to burry you quickly and be done with it, has zero interest in helping you and is likely to cooperate with prosecutor. While also trying to rip you off.

Most attorneys are fucking scumbag. We found one on a recommendation but he was a maximum fraud promising to settle it while taking money to himself - it turned he was already under investigation himself and got sentenced fro fraud and bribery. Couldn't make this shit up. Of course that stalled our legal proceedings and bail wait for months.

And thats only a part of the story. Its a fucking corrupt hell. You better be rich and have good connections or you get grinded.

>>8562605
Why did he fall in love with you on WoW?

>Even as I am now, I can still make jokes, I can still laugh at some thing humorous
How do you manage to feel like that sometimes despite your downward spiral?

>he really hates everyone but his family a few friends and myself.
So like you, the two of you against the world?

>He eventually gave in and said that I could stay home and be a house wife essentially, but I'm seeing less and less money in his checking account every month.
Apart from the money worry, how is that life for you?

>>8562609
>and resigning myself to full on hatred for the world I suppose.
What would you be like then? You already implied you don't see yourself as a good person anymore now.

>Some have said I'm a terrible person for that
That's understandable too.

>>8562712
>is likely to cooperate with prosecutor.
Why?

>While also trying to rip you off.
How?

What corruption/injustice have you seen?

>>8562908
Cause they dont care about the outcome for you, they dont represent your interest - they just want to be done quickly and they are part of the system. At worst it's a local attorney and prosecutor is their buddy.
But they will try to fool you into playing for extra service.

Actual defense lawyer worth anything cares about reputation and charges accordingly of course. It was surprisingly hard to find anyone we could afford that wouldn't be shit.

There is bribery and downright extortion on every level, especially in jail. Guards dealing drugs and good cells are like hotels you have to pay for.

Everyday is a fucking nightmare.
My grandparents telling me that they hope to see the day I give them a great grandchild. My parents giving me advice on what to look for in a girl. I wish I could just wake up one day and be normal. I hate crying and being frustrated with this life. I want to have a boyfriend and be happy. I want to be me and stop hiding behind a facade. Everyday I have to smile while feeling like shit in the inside.

I can't get a boyfriend because everyone knows everybody in my shitty town. I would bring shame to my family.I wouldn't be able to participate in the church I've going to for years.

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>>8555044
I will never be a mom :c

>>8555044
I'm a depressed and sad mtf who can't get their life together or stop procrastinating for 5 minutes to do things productive enough to progress my transition along, it doesn't help I keep getting met with failure after failure or stopgap after stopgap with doctors and health issues. Everyday is awful with me feeling nothing but 110% dysphoria and anxiety from the moment I wake up and it follows me into constant night terrors every single night and all I manage to do everyday is keep a ton of trans related tabs open while playing Overwatch or some other game for 6-8 hours a day with another depressed mtf friend of mine while my life goes nowhere.
I am seriously fucking useless as a human and go inert without people telling me what to do or focus on.
Along with five thousand other things that aren't right in my life either.
My family increasingly is getting frustrated with me too as I keep finding it harder to try to hide it as well.

>>8563480
Examples of attorneys mistreating clients and corruption/extortion?

>>8562605
your story made me cry... similar stuff going on here

>>8555044
>Post what's bothering you
I can't find a gf, I've been looking for 5 months or so now.

>>8555738
Want to be my gf?

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Im in my early 20's and mtf transitioning 6 months. My family are forcing me to go to a support group with other mtf trans women as Ive had depression with gender dysphoria prior to starting my transition. The thing is its hon central. I'm the only one under 40. They always try to focus the topic on me because im 'young and vulnerable' and early on. Im fine though, I don't want to be there. I feel like these hons are trying to live through me because they left it too late.... It's kinda creepy and annoying.

>>8563607
Read the reply chain above, and this is coming from personal experiences of myself and the other anon who got fucked by her attorney.

>>8555044
Dysphoria and knowing I'm forever unpassable

>>8563539
This sounds pretty similar to what's going on with me.

Thinking of just coming out so my parents will give me some breathing room or something.

I don't really know what I'm supposed to do

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>>8555044
Nothing, i'm pretty good at the moment. Sucks for the rest of you.

>>8563784
I read her experience but you didn't post yours enough to say what happens.

>>8563774
>Im in my early 20's
try college trans groups if you can, the 'normal' ones are always hons and I havent heard anyone having good experience with those

>>8563802
I've considered that but also realized I'd be homeless if so, that's what I get for being in the south and having to pretend to be a straight christian male

>>8563920
Exactly what happened >>8562712
State attorney was a piece of shit interested in getting done with the case quickly working against us while asking for money.
The other one we hired was a piece of shit fraud.

>>8563965
Religion is a bunch of balls honestly, fuck anyone who supports that shit.

>>8563993
Sucks monkey balls that the south is the worst part of it too
>>8564017
Ayy you kinda look like me from the thumbnail, could I talk to you about electrolysis?
don't delete pls

>>8563992
You implied a lot more than that one committing fraud.

>>8563801
Why do you think you'll be unpassable forever? How old did you start? Maybe things will get better anon

I've liked this one girl for more than 3 years although i have accepted the fact that she's straight until one night we ended up hooking up whilst drunk. It happened on several other occasions, but the thing is she has a boyfriend and we completely avoid each other while sober. It's literally impossible to talk to her about it and as strange as it seems I don't even mind being used by her when she's drunk and alone I just wish I knew if any of it is even slightly real to her

>>8563662
>similar stuff going on here
:( what?

>>8563748
idk what are you like??

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Crushing dysphoria is bothering me right now along with losing motivation and being lonely

>>8555044
Deep rooted abandonment issues

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>>8555044
Trying to get /fit/, but I'm on a cut and my lifts are stalling.

I've caught both girls and guys miring my progress, and had pleasant conversations, but they all lead to dead ends and rejection. I don't understand.

I've never even been to this board before tonight. I've been branching away from my home on /fit/ and I just keep hoping I'll meet someone, strike up something. Maybe I'm the right guy for someone here.

>>8555044
I'm trying to be in the closet to improve my family life, health, and other elements of myself, but now every LGBT person I know won't stop bullying me about "denying" who I am. What if I don't want to BE that?

What if I want to be something else?

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>>8555044
I miss him so much. Why did he have to leave forever? We were perfect for each other.

i miss my ex, have no current romantic leads, think i may be bisexual, just want someone to be close to and talk

I only really had one real relationship in my life (even that one was wrong in a way) and no amount of sex, alcohol or cigarettes will fill the void of romance I long for. I just want to have a mutual love and happiness. Least I might have a chance at it all but then again my luck only keeps me alive not happy

>>8562180
same here senpai but ive managed to start working full time. nobody ever has sympaty for you when you say ADHD cripples you. they just tell you youre using it as an excuse. its fucked

>>8555044
Can't afford laser for my face rn, my female voice sounds like a dying frog and I'm way too pretty to pass as a guy anymore.

also tfw no bf

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>reliant on reckless long distance friendship with a mtf that i crush on for my social fix
>she is as mentally unstable and dysphoric as I am, maybe even more

>>8565720
I feel this. I absolutely feel this.

>>8562852
Because I had passing voice. The reason can laugh is the same reason people like George Carlin or Bill Hicks did.

>>8564870
I'm just average anon. I'm not amazing but not terrible.

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>>8555044
I hate mtfs so much
Right now I'm thinking about how much I want to beat one to death with a pipe or a baseball bat. I imagine each savage blow as the life flows out of their body to be replaced by the most searing pain. I begin to enjoy the pain and destruction that each blow brings, hoping that this will be the fatal one. When I realize that it's only a fantasy I'm crushed like a little kid finding out that Santa Claus is a lie and there are no presents.
They are cancerous subhumans, and i want them to realize it in the most violent, painful way possible. Then I can be at peace for all eternity.

>>8563509
Want to mother my children?

>>8566073
You do know trannies like to be abused right?

>>8555044
i live in a small, bigoted deep south town with literally 0 other gay girls i know of and idk it's been really getting to me lately. i'm 20 and i've never had my first kiss, never truly been in love, and every girl who i've ever gotten close to is straight. i'm starting to think it just won't happen to me. idk i just wanna play vidya and go on road trips with a cute girl. i wanna hold hands with her and smooch her and be in love!!! ugh
this is super pathetic i know asdgdjj but it's getting me down. i have so much love to give and it's all pent up inside of me i feel like my heart is decaying

>>8566086
Have you considered dating apps or craiglist if you are really 'desperate' for first experiences? They could be a good starting point for just making friends & meet girls no far away of your town. LDR might be a solution too if you have no luck or cant find love interests in the surroundings.

>>8566128
the closest craigslist area thing is 2.5 hours away from me, plus i kinda really want it to be special. i don't mind waiting for the right person, it's just that i feel like it won't ever happen if that makes sense? i've considered ldrs but i have no idea how i'd even meet a girl who'd be interested in that. i'm pathetically undersocialized when it comes to romance things and my gaydar isn't a thing that exists so knowing me i'd probably try to get w a straight girl

>>8566145
>if that makes sense
dw it'll happen, 20 is such a young age: you feel it's done, you're already too old, alone with unique problems, but it's an illusion lol
Since your place sucks, you'll have to move in a bigger town or drive a lot to create bounds with other lesbians. You're not as lucky as someone living in NY but it can be fixed.
Check /soc/ threads to socialize at least with other girls who have similar problems: it often leads to (gaming) friendships and LDRs. It's not ideal, but worth it ;)

>>8566016
No longer having a passing voice didn't put him off?

How is life with him for you?

>>8566071
okay

>>8564546
It is not you idiot. What is this, the 2000s?
She is playing with you. And you know it.

Love is just an emotion, if you stop focusing on it it will disappear.

>tfw terf
>tfw still want to get dommed by a qt with a girldick
why the fuck

>>8566145
>closest craigslist area thing is 2.5 hours away

Damn nigga are you living in Siberia?

>>8567421
You're a TERF because transgirls threaten your pedestal. Being knocked off of that pedestal by the thing you hate is a pretty common sexual fantasy.

>>8567456
that's not the reason i'm a terf (i guess some trannies are ok, like hsts who act like an actual human instead of some caricature they saw in an anime) but otherwise good observation u r probably right

>>8555044
>not born female
>never pass
>stuck in shitty life
>waiting for the sweet release of death to never have to think again

I don't see a point to living if I have to be a man for it. I know I won't pass, and looking like a freak would be worse than being a weak, sorta gay looking dude. I've got no motivation to do anything except abuse escapism, but I feel incredibly guilty for the hurt I must be causing my parents and what a burden I've become. But that's somehow still not enough to make me start living.

>>8567421
You get off on being submissive. Submitting to somebody you dislike is more submissive, and thus more arousing. A lot of people on here have similar fantasies.

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I'm a tranny lesbian and just wish I were straight. I pass, but I know I'd just still get jealous of any partner. If they were bi, I'd never get over the doubt that they deemed me masculine and like those parts of me. Genital dysphoria is getting intense and surgery will never be good enough, jealousy over that could also poison any relationship. I can't blame any girls for not wanting to date me because I know I'm not a biological one and never will be. I've had almost a dozen guys ask me out but a girl has never shown even a spec of interest. I can only get by thinking about relationships by trying to become emotionally numb to it. It can happen, but my dating pool is so niche it would be dangerous to realistically assume it will. I just want to be soft and emotional with somebody but imagining that hurts a lot, so I have to rebound entirely in the other way and pretend to be overwhelmingly stubborn and independent. I medicate all this with alcohol every night I'm able to and I really don't care if it kills me at 50.

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>>8555044
I'm a lesbian, but I'm nearly asexual. I don't find most women attractive, and the only woman I've ever loved romantically and physically was my girlfriend of two years, who dumped me not too long ago.
I've tried dates, but even before I met my now-ex, kissing other women felt like nothing, like it was just something I "had" to do. I don't feel romantic very easily, either, though I like giving things like flowers and chocolate because I like making people happy.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to die all alone, despite all my efforts.

>>8568416
Which women do you find attractive?

>>8567807
alcohol + hormones is a very bad idea >:(
Please watch more animes instead ^^'

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I'm afraid my specific taste in a boyfriend is too much and I'll be forever alone.

I don't even have incredibly high standards. I just like the boy next door type but they all seem to be too concentrated in getting hunks, which I don't even have a problem getting.

Maybe I should try being muscular for the second half of my 20s.

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>>8568435
I tend to like reclusive girls; the kind you don't usually find on dating sites. Looks wise, I suppose the ones I want to kiss tend to look nerdy, pic related, but not always.
An appreciation for old animation is a big plus.
But not all nerds really click with me, anyway, so it's kind of a crapshoot to describe my type.

>>8568477
I have liver checks every 3 months, I'll be fine

>>8568517
I've given up on ever dating. Writing stories and roleplaying online will have to do.

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>>8555044
I told my family I'm trans. It took 7 minutes, nobody had any questions and my dad looked on in horror every second. My brothers don't care, my mom is trying too hard and the atmosphere is frigid acceptance.

Somebody was flirty towards me when they were intoxicated. I tried to follow up a few days later and they said they didn't remember saying any of those nice things that mattered a lot to me. He made it clear that I won't get anywhere with him until im no longer publically boymode.

It also turns out an overwhelming amount of what I thought was my personality was a big nasty ball of repression and self censorship. I'm slowly learning who I really am but I'm so scared it'll all crash again.

>>8568574
Honestly sounds like you're on an uptrend, even if you may not realize it yet. The hard times will pass, and you'll be stronger for them.

>>8555044
I keep telling myself I'm a butch lesbian but I really wish I had a dick and broader shoulders and maybe a beard and it's starting to bother me

>>8568809
well get on that test quick

>>8568817
test?

>>8568828
osterone

>>8568828
osterone

>>8568831
>>8568834
phwoar, hivemind

>>8568831
>>8568834
Nah, I think I'll dive back in the closet instead.

>>8568869
wai

I'm afraid my relationship with my gf is doomed.
I'm a trans guy and we started dating when I was pre t and sort of a different person. She's bi, so that isn't an issue, but she's very dominant and wants a submissive partner, and after years of t that just isn't me anymore. we fight all the time now. she doesn't want me to get phalloplasty and i'm afraid that could be the last straw because i really want a dick. she said if i do it she'll lock me in chastity indefinitely. that's not going to work for me.

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I wish my ex would reply to me. I'm sorry I ignored you okay I push people away reeeee

>>8568972
first, get a better taste in comics...

I'm going to San Francisco and New York this and next month, and I won't be able to meet any gay cuties because I'm not travelling alone fml.

>>8565502
We're all gonna make it brah

>>8569132
Manhattan Grindr is probably the most incredible thing I've encountered.

Checked into my hotel at 4. Had cute Irish boy in my room naked by 4:30.

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>Fall in love with someone
>Date for a while
>Finally go to their house
>It's a fucking squalor
>Dust and animal fur everywhere
>Holes in the walls
>Carpets missing
>We get food
>His mother just pulls cutlery from the sink and wipes it off on her jeans before passing it to me
>Damp and rot everywhere
>Throws greasy food on the floor for their dog and cats
>Their family isn't even poor

Honestly made me half tempted to fucking dump him. There's no excuse besides pure laziness and that's something I don't want to live with.

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>>8569118
Its all I got in the download folder on my phone

>>8569157
Don't do it man people like that can't change those habits, speaking from experience

>>8569157
I knew a family like that. The dad made just over 100k a year, and the mom worked too, and they looked like they lived in squalor by African standards. Their daughter turned out ok though. Its not necessarily genetic. How old is he that he's still living with his parents?

>>8569214
He's 20, I'm a little older at 22.

>>8555750
You're doing the right thing, now I can only ask how your handling your shit emotionally.

>>8569218
>>8569214
An ex of mine was like this. I tried every single way I could think of to get her to stop being a child and clean up after herself. Two years later and 3 different apartments the trash smell is still there. I'm talking months old food, bathrooms and kitchens that have never been cleaned once since moving in. She told me she'd never taken the trash out once at one place and was proud of it. She had a "garbage room". Broke up with her pretty quick but tried to keep her as a friend, she was okay till she got a job.

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I know I'm abusive, manipulative, and awful to be around, that's why I cut all contact with friends and family. But being alone is still hard. Especially when you know you deserve it.
My birthday's coming up. I think I'm going to just end it, then.

>>8568806
Im cautiously hopeful, but its still got me feeling fragile. I appreciate your optimism though!

>>8555784
post vocaroo

I broke his dick.
I don't have an uncut cock so I didn't know about the "banjo string", which tore during sex and there was blood everywhere. The weird thing is that ever since that's happened, we have this weird connection and he's been wanting to hang out with me more. He's '''straight''' too, at least as a front so he can't fuck any girls for like a month, so once he's all healed he's going to give me a huge fucking load and I'm really excited in a twisted, selfish way. What the fuck is wrong with me? I must be dead inside.

>>8569440
lmao thats hilarious

>>8569395
Well think about it. You got the family thing out of the way. Thats a huge step and will clear your path. Someone's flirty with you even in boymode? That means you got at least a little cute in you, that you can nurture. And discovering yourself is very important, and shows youre moving past old obstructions. You're making progress, even if you dont feel like it

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My best friend is a cis girl who is really big into body building. She complains a lot about how she doesn't have anyone to lift with and she'd like going to the gym more if she had someone to go with. I'm bummed because if I was a cis girl I'd have no problem with being stronkpals but I'm mtf, I'm uncomfortable with the thought of getting bigger (yes I know you don't get huge in a day or anything) and I'm scared of being in gym clothes and stuff like that. I'm also embarrassed because I've never worked out ever in my life and I'd probably make a fool out of myself, and I don't know what I'd do about locker rooms and stuff like that and it's all scary to me.

Kind of a dumb feel so forgive me.

>>8569346
I love being manipulated hmu :^)

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>>8569509
Too late, I already manipulated you into replying with a sob story, even though I deserve this. :^^^)

>>8555044
My family disowned me and my friends abandoned me after I came out as trans. My eventual gf who was the most supportive person I've ever known abused me and the broke up with me and now I just feel like shit all the time even more. I don't even get how to start another relationship because I'm convinced at this point anybody I get with will be like everybody else and I don't want to be hurt anymore.

>>8569459
I work out a lot and I'm mtf. She'd probably help you set up a routine and I never use the locker room. Just go there in gym clothes with your water bottle and leave to shower at home. Going is great and makes you feel a lot better. Don't worry about getting big, you have to eat big to get big. Just working out will only help you feel a lot better about yourself and push off any weight you might have

>>8569586
>you have to eat big to get big
this
I exercise for +1year now, +5hours a week, and I'm still in DYEL mode: I'm just a bit more toned/atheletic (I really can't force myself to eat...)

>>8555044
i want my girlfriend to fuck me with a strapon

I'm a lesbian that doesn't know how to flirt with or ask out other woman. And I really want someone else to call my love that I can wrap my arms around and call them my love.

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I have no desire to date my ex-boyfriend.

In fact, as friends I can only hang out with him for brief periods of time because the longer I hang out with him, the chances of him going on some bizarre political rant exponentially increases.

I'm very happy to be away from his constant negativity domestically speaking.

But I still dream about him and I miss the old him - the one that wasn't obsessed with politics and bitching.

Sometimes I reread our old notes to each other.

We were so in love. Where did it go? Why did he have to change? Why did I have to change?

>>8570197
dating you made redpilled him?

YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR KNEES
IF TEN MILLION BUMBLEBEES
FLEW IN YOUR ROOM AS YOU FELL ASLEEP
CUZ THEY FILL THE OPEN AIR
AND LEAVE HONEY EVERYWHERE
YOU'D THINK ME WEIRD BUT I'D LICK IT OFF THE CHAIR
I'd like to make myself believe
That futa girls are horny
It's hard to say that I'd rather cuddle one before I sleep
Cuz everyone says hentai looks funny
When I fall asleep
Cuz I get a thousand fuggs
From ten thousand little smugs
As they try to teach me how to lewd
A kawaii above my bed
A desu inside my head
A shitpost just derailed the entire thread

>>8570705
What the fuck my dude

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everyone has caught onto my new name by now except my mother, but desu im just thinking about letting her be the only exception to deadnaming me.

>>8568517
Pls date me anon :+)

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>>8555044
Literally this morning I had a back spasm mid squat and hurt my back. Not sure how bad it definitely hurts I have to sit with impeccable posture to make it feel better. I hope I only pulled a muscle but I set up a doc appt for next Monday so if it does not start feeling better I can go get it checked out.
he told me over the phone not to work out for the rest of the week, I'm pissed.

>>8573115
This may sound stupid, but when I had back spasms I found they were getting aggravated when I slept. What I'd do is sleep in a chair - a recliner would be best but an ordinary one could do. I'd pack myself in with pillows and cushions so I couldn't move around when I was sleeping. After a couple days I'd be better. After doing that after back spasms a few times, I haven't had any recurrences for years.

I came out as trans and I made my grandmother kill herself.

>>8573479
What, seriously? That's terrible.

>>8573495
She left me in her note saying that she loved me too much to see me like that. She was 77.

>>8555784

Are you me?

>>8573495
I don't know what to say. That's awful. How are you taking it?

>>8573513
My family tries to reassure me that it's not my fault, but they were on the fence when I came out as it is and I know that they secretly resent me.

>>8573541
This may sound trite, but you can't help being trans, nor can you help how people react to you being trans. You did nothing wrong coming out, because you're just being honest about who you are. I think the real blame is with a society that still stigmatizes being trans, where people still believe it's a horrible and shameful thing when it's not. I'm really sorry for your loss and I hope you won't beat yourself up too much about it.

>>8573469
>>8573115
having something to warm your back during the day is nice too (eg. a cushion stuck between your back and the back of a chair is enough).

the nhs is the shittiest service ever, i want to fucking die

>>8573501
>she liked you so much that she decided to guilt you for life by killing herself
LMAO what a petty bitch
Good riddance imho: one less toxic person in your entourage.

>>8573625
I never used a heating pad but definitely cushions or pillows behind your back help a lot.

>>8573636
That's pretty mean and uncalled for I think.

>>8555140
How i'm going to find a boyfriend...

>>8573975
????

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>>8555044
getting bullied for like 6 years of my school life

Going to NYC with my Grandma. Not sure how I'm going to talk her into letting me meet up with this girl I've known for a while.

I'm terrified of losing some of my long time friends by admitting to or revealing any non-straight inclinations. Some of them won't necessarily hate me, but I know it might make things awkward for them and I don't want to put a boundary between us.

>>8567421
not a terf m8

>>8574006
feels bad

>>8555044
My life is shit.
My body is shit.
My personality is shit.
I am shit.
I have loads of problems and things I should do but I can't fix any of them cause I'm weakminded and pathetic plus I'm super late transitioner at 22, and am sure I will never be able to pass, it breaks me, I am broken I am dead, please god let me die.
I am making a mockery of everyone else by being so unpassable and still thinking or hoping that I could do it, forever linebacker in a dress, I just want to die.

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>>8555044
i really like a guy and im not sure if he'd like me back
he says he's straight but he doesnt want anything to do with girls and its killing me and help i like this guy and im only now realizing that i've got such a damn attraction to him i dont even accept that i like dick yet but this dude man a
btw im a dude

>>8555044
adhd and ritalin induced depression
I need a way to cushion the comedown

My cat's probably dead and I have no reason to live anymore.

>>8578725
ez get another cat

>>8578725
I'm so sorry... I know pet loss is devastating...

>>8578878
You obviously have never lost a pet you were very attached to.

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>>8556057
Know this feel
I have literally no friends because no one is ever actually interested in continuing conversation or hanging out ever
So I just reject everyone completely and hope they die soon

>>8578717
Infact ritalin is acts like anti-depress medicine

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>>8561920
I'll share bleach with you anon

My ex-gf/current best friend decided to completely ghost me without any reason or warning right as I left my home state. I'm physically closer to her than ever before, and have no friends in this new, unknown area. Nearly three months later I'm still crying every few nights from how much I miss her, and how much less of a struggle this endeavor would be if I had my friend to talk to every once in awhile. Shits hard... I just recently found a place after bring poor and homeless for a month, I'm doing things to better myself, but nothing brings me the same comfort and joy than if I could just talk to her. I know a part of me is still in the throes of love, but regardless of context it's the pain of losing someone who was closest to me. I feel like an absolute wreck. I can't imagine anything she'd tell me that would be worse than this maddening silence.

>>8580131
>I can't imagine anything
let me try:
"I cheated on you with a nigga meth addict while we were dating & I'm a pregnant now"

But it seems you're doing without her: give you more time, you'll find friends later

>>8569440
>I broke his dick.
cracking up at this line. didn't even read the rest

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>wasn't born female
>would have made a decent looking/actually very pretty girl judging from how my sisters look
>am the only son
>wish things were the opposite and i was the only daughter and my sisters were brothers

>>8580193
In a way that wouldn't be as bad, or at least that's what I'm thinking at this moment. Thanks for the reinforcement though. Every little bit helps.

>date guy for 3 months last year
>he is very odd (but in a socially acceptable way) and we aren't similar in any way. But I think this relationship is very interesting and he is adorable
>gradually he starts ignoring me and not caring for whatever reason
>I break it off cuz I'm not gonna chase someone who treats me like air. Still sad because I liked him
>he asks me out out of the blue a few months ago, says he was in a bad place back then. We start dating again and it all seems fine
>now I notice he's beginning to ignore me again
Welp. Already steeling myself for what's to come. I'm not gonna give him another undeserved second of my time this time though.

>>8573636
I'm not usually one to agree with sassy twink comments like this but... I agree lol. I understand that it must feel horrible of course, but goddamn what a dramatic simple minded lady. The world is better without hateful jaded people like that

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>live in rural sweden
>nearest homo (according to grindr) is 55 years old, fat and lives 14 kms away
I'll be a lonely lich when I die.

>>8582982
maybe i'm just fucked up but the thought of getting topped by some old bear is really getting me hard

>>8582952
have you talked about this with him? He might hate this just as much as you

>>8582982
there a plenty a qt fags in sweden, get in touch with them, travel & move

I'm bothered that I'm allowing my fear to keep me alone in the prime of my sexual life

>>8582982
rural Sweden fag here too, except fuck grindr so I'll probably die even lonelier than you

>>8561920
I was depressed for about half my life, it basically denied me a proper adolescence; i still kind of am depressed, but i feel so much better know than i used to.

keep it up, it will take a while for you to feel like a real person again but when you do it will be so worth it and desu you've already gotten over the hardest part.

noone is answering to my post, despite me replying to others

;_;

>>8583324
this

>>8583528
Here's a (You) for you.

>>8583528
It's because you spell "no one" like that

LGBT emotional support discord.

https://discord.gg/yPxcV

>>8583324
Same

Though it's 90% out of my control

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Why can't he at least just tell me that he's seeing someone else?

He hasn't texted me in so fucking long and doesn't tell me why besides that he gets depressed, but why doesn't he come to me when he's depressed?
I tell him how emotional he makes me but at this point I feel like he doesn't care.
What do I do? Should I go to his house and try to face the music?

>>8583324
Postop mtf. I've spent far more time alone than with someone due to fear of rejection, fear of being outed, fear of violence, fear of STDs. My sex drive is pretty low though so I haven't been that motivated to change things.

>>8583583
Bost again please. I could use it.

>>8583729
The one time this happened to me I just tried to rationalize it. Didn't work, I got even more depressed than I already was and it threw me off course.

Get angry, get bent, confront him, don't bottle it up. Let it all out, if possible at him, if not do something irresponsible and let yourself go.

Get what you feel out of your system or it'll turn into a virus that eats you from the inside.

>>8583729
is he not talking to you cause hes insecure and depressed or cause he does not want you? be honest with yourself I guess.

>>8583791
He used to tell me things like he sometimes just feels like disappearing. I cried when he tells me things like this because I'd probably kill myself of he ever does.
>>8583790
OK I'll try knocking on his door during this week. This shit really is a virus, I feel sick and haven't ate in like more then 24 hours

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>>8583729
Texting someone like that is seriously pathetic. I would dump you if you hounddogged my nuts like that. And going to his house is short of stalking. You need to leave him the fuck alone.

>>8583573
thank you very much
>>8583579
i'm not a native speaker, like 50% on this board, so please - have some insight. faggot.

>>8583830
Well he knows how I get when I don't talk to him for so long, dont demonize how emotional I get you piece of shit. Some people wish they knew someone as affectionate as I am

>>8555245
I'm in the exact same situation as you. But no one is going to remember us in 500 years time so do whatever makes you happy.

>>8583829
That's what I'm saying. Don't overdo do it. Don't hurt yourself or anything. Don't punish yourself. Don't internalize it. Go drinking with friends, roam around a bit. Smash some windows if you have to.

Be angry though if you are. Or be sad if you are. Just let it out.

>>8555044
My best friend set me up with her brother, only lasted for 11 days, got dumped on Easter. Actually really liked him since he was pretty sweet, still can't get over it.
Attempted to come out to same best friend as ftm via messaging, got too nervous and chickened out, saying it was nothing.

>>8583829
>He used to tell me things like he sometimes just feels like disappearing
Well I hope it goes well I ghost people but it's rare people come looking, which is the best feeling in the world.
>>8583863
>>8583830
>dont demonize how emotional I get
This. Yeah it is pathetic but people can get emotional like that

>>8583921
>>8584068
Thank you
You guys keep me sane

>>8583528
wanna advices or something bb? where's your first post?