Sexual Abuse

>>8543020
What circumstances to your abuse?

It's not really your fault. You were forcefully exposed to an unwanted sexual stimulus, and it's possible it might have triggered an epigenetic event and had lasting effects on your sexuality.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epigenetic_theories_of_homosexuality

So while it might or might not be true that sexual abuse "turns kids gay", it's not like you can help or change it if it did.

>>8543040
Got raped by some random asshole I didn't know when I was around 11-12. I was on a holiday with family at the time. went swimming on my own, got attacked in the changing room afterwards.
And I was molested again when I was 14 by a drunk woman, she was being encouraged by her friends, I didn't handle it well.

It's a supreme shit of the highest levels starting your life this way. When I finally muster the courage to admit this part of myself it only has pushed others away. The hole will always be there.

>>8543039
>sexual abuse victim suiciding
>not reinforcing a stereotype

>>8543047
I get that It wasn't really my fault, and that there's nothing I can actively do that will change my sexuality, even if I wanted to, still I hate the thought that I was supposed to be something else until that happened. God I had this real deep fear of becoming a fucking pedophile in my early-mid teens when I was questioning my sexuality. Drove me to attempt suicide. Never developed any desire for kids, opposite actually I prefer older men, though was that influenced by past events I don't know. I don't know why I torture myself by asking these stupid questions.

>>8543068
>got attacked in the changing room afterwards
greentext please!

>>8543068
What was the situation with the drunk women?

Why did you never report her or the man?

>>8543120

What I'm saying is that dwelling on it probably isn't going to help. You are who you are as a consequence of the cumulative circumstances of your upbringing and you can't change the way you were upbrought. And there are only so many things about yourself that you do have any degree of control over.

That being said, I recognize that such a significant event is basically impossible NOT to dwell on because of just how lastingly traumatic it is. To overcome that particular problem, you really should consider seeing a therapist/psychiatrist/whathaveyou. It's not fair that you should have to live in such misery every day because of the abhorrent behavior of some scumbags decades ago.

>>8543039
Burn in Hell forever.

>>8543117
>all of this salt
>over someone who just corrected your incorrect shitpost and isn't OP

wew lad how badly did your daddy fiddle you as a kid?

>>8543020
My step-dad did this shit to me when I was 14 for a couple years. I was gay long before that though and know a lot of people stay straight despite abuse. So I don't think of it being correlated.
It fucked me up other ways with anger issues and relationship stuff until my late 20s. Now I'm pretty chill with things. Having a good relationship helps a lot.

>>8543127
>greentext
Why? So you can jerk off to it?

>>8543141
I can't really remember, I was at some sort of social event or family gathering in a restaurant or hotel or something. There was also a hen party there. When I went to use the bathroom I passed by 2 or 3 of the women, who made some comments about me, and when I entered the men's room one of the girls immediately folllowed me in. She did things, and long story short, I ended up punching her in the face. Stayed hidden after that, was scared as fuck about being arrested for hitting her or something. That's mostly why I didn't report.
Didnt report the man because he threatened my little brother, and also because he made me cum which made me feel almost complicit. I just couldn't tell anybody.

>>8543146
It's only been slightly more than one decade since it happened, but I get what you mean. Try and find a way to deal with it now, rather than wait too long. It's already nearly unbearable, need to stop being so fucked up about it. Maybe I'll call a rape crisis centre or something. Something I thought about, but too scared to go through with talking to them.

>>8543166
I'm sorry that happened to you, must of been worse since it was an ongoing thing. I kinda have anger issues too. I'd like a good relationship but it's kinda hard to find one right now, plus sex makes me really fidgety and nervous. I've tried hookups but I couldn't go all the way. Thanks for sharing though, feels better knowing I stand a chance if I take control, and take the plunge

>>8543272
Burn in Hell forever.

>>8543272
No YOU kill yourself.

>>8543272
Can't tell if real or just the voices in my head.

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>>8543272
shit troll is shit

>>8543272
These posts are always by child abuse victims projecting

It always takes one to know one, every single time.

>>8543308
I can see why abusers would write such things...Not so much with victims.

>>8543221

>Try and find a way to deal with it now, rather than wait too long.

Right, exactly.

>It's already nearly unbearable, need to stop being so fucked up about it.

Right, exactly.

Whatever you do, you have to do something productive, as soon as possible. See a doctor, call a hotline, whatever; anything to get you firmly on the path to recovery. The first step is the hardest and you might even stumble, but you really, really ought to get those issues addressed or you might never be content with yourself. And it would be a huge loss considering that your issues aren't even your fault.

>too scared to go through with talking to them.

Your own happiness remains in jeopardy for as long as you put it off. What other option do you have?

>>8543286
>>8543299
>>8543304
>>8543306
>>8543308

You really ought to learn to ignore people like this. He doesn't care what you do, he's obvious he's fishing for (you)s.

Don't validate his existence by giving him (you)s.

>>8543323

It's because severely depressed individuals often have those exact same thoughts going through their heads a large percentage of the time. He's reinforcing those thoughts because he's thinking about acting on them himself.

Like the other anon said, takes one to know one.

>>8543338
I don't ignore victims. I just want them to know there's someone who still cares about them, even if they're spiteful on the outside.

>>8543338
It's like this weird, suicidal "La-La-La I can't hear you" chant

>>8543356

Victims who project negative thinking onto other victims should be ignored, for their own sake as much as the sake of the other victims.

Remember to hide, report and ignore the stalker.

>>8543020
I had a fine childhood and was never abused or molested and I'm a faggot, if it makes you feel better.

>>8543338
No. Posts like that need to be counterbalanced with sufficient offense. Some people are very sensitive and if that post was just left alone, it would be validated. Calling it out shows OP there are plenty of people who care and don't want him to kill himself.

>>8543221
>Why? So you can jerk off to it?

Not the other anon, but yes.

Also, being able to speak objectively about the trauma actually does help you come to terms with it and heal. So win-win.

Not get to typing.

>>8543353
If this is true, then I take back what I said about burning in Hell, but this world obviously has a complete lack of assistance to the victims of rape, especially child rape.

>>8543362
Why ?

>>8543384
>Also, being able to speak objectively about the trauma actually does help you come to terms with it and heal.
1) Publishing it on 4chan doesn't
2) It's not up to you to decide, and feels pushy on your part
3) You're treating your needs as more important than his. Go seek entertainment elsewhere than from others' pain.

>>8543410
>Go seek entertainment elsewhere than from others' pain.

You're on the wrong website, kiddo ;)

>>8543391
Actually I'm not sure having been raped is enough to justify writing such things...

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>>8543391
>Even the bible...

>>8543221
I'm sorry this happened to you anon. And this thread went really south, but you can't really expect anything else on here.

But I would advice you to talk to a psychiatrist about your experiences and how you are feeling right now. I'm wishing you the best.

>>8543378
I'm OP, I haven't given him any (You)s myself, but I do appreciate you and others backing me up. One of his messages was a bit too much.
>>8543330
>Your own happiness remains in jeopardy for as long as you put it off. What other option do you have?
Honestly the only other option is to an hero, which I think about, but haven't really concidered again since I failed last time. I'm not entirely stupid, I know suicide would effectively "end my pain", at the expense of causing tremendous pain to the people I love. I guess I really don't have an alternative. Maybe I'll call them tonight, if I'm too drunk to feel afraid of talking.
>>8543370
I uhhn, guess?
>>8543384
I probably would but I don't feel to keen of someone jerking it while I'm trying to hold it together and not cry like a bitch writing it.

I'll just leave this here anyway...
http://www.vets4childrescue.org/

>>8543454
Actually, I'm surprised by the responses. I wouldn't say this thread went south since it's just the one poster, I was expecting more shit posts, it is 4chan after all. I know posting about my past here isn't the healthiest place to do it, but I was feeling really down, and the anonymity here helps. I think I feel a little better letting it out, thanks. I'll strongly concider the psychiatrist.

>>8543465

>Honestly the only other option is to an hero

Right, exactly.

>which I think about,

A good specialist could help with that.

>but haven't really concidered again since I failed last time.

Good.

>I guess I really don't have an alternative.

You do technically have alternatives, but the only one that has any significant chance of being effective in reasonable time is seeking help.

>Maybe I'll call them tonight

I would endorse this decision,

>if I'm too drunk to feel afraid of talking.

But please stop self-medicating. I understand why you're doing it, but It's not actually helping you for any longer than than the drunk or high feeling lasts.

>>8543958
>A good specialist could help with that.
How?

>>8543975

It's up to you and your specialist(s) to decide which treatment method or combination of methods would be most effective, but in all likelihood, some combination of medication(s) and talk therapy/CBT. You have some deeply ingrained, self-destructive thinking habits that must necessarily be undone if ever you are to be content with yourself.

I'm not suggesting that it's as quick or easy a process as I make it sound. It could take many months or years, and you might need to cycle through a few different specialists before you find one who's actually helpful.

But the important part is taking the initial steps on the path to recovery, and to keep walking along that path.

There will be forks in the road. Sometimes you won't even know you've taken them. The path may even resemble a maze at times.

But so long as you remain along the path, you're more likely to eventually end up finding the exit on the other side than not.

And no, suicide is not a valid exit.

Personally as a lesbian what I don't get is why the people that think being molested (usually by a dude) for a boy makes them gay along with for a girl makes them a lesbian.

I was kinda molested as a kid. No sex just an older cousin trying to "teach me sex" but I immediately squealed after he got in his under wear and then other girls came forward saying he did more with them and he just got arrested for that.

Anyway later on it made me a bit wary of dudes in that I thought they were all after sex. Could also have been my brothers/dad warning me all guys were after sex. But then later I realized I just liked girls and I wanted to deny that shit specifically because of the almost-molestation. Because so much of my family learned about the whole ordeal and thought more happened due to gossip I didn't wanna be the cousin-that-turned-gay-cause-molested.

I've gotten over it by just not giving a fuck. I've got more cousins that turned out straight sluts because they were molested. All those girls that were actually molested by the creep have kids now and seem straight. And frankly maybe a lot of people are just lowkey bi and once raped by a certain sex they get turned off or realize maybe the rape was shit but sex could interest them if consensual.

Who gives a fuck. Life is short. Fuck who you wanna fuck freely without guilt so long as everyone enjoys themselves. Doing anything but that is what really lets the molesters/rapists win.

>>8544058
>Personally as a lesbian what I don't get is why the people that think being molested (usually by a dude) for a boy makes them gay along with for a girl makes them a lesbian.
It's an erroneous assumption actually. Women molested by men can become bisexual, but for the most part they just become hyper promiscuous. It is true that boys molested by men are more likely to be bi/gay. Whereas girls molested by women have a slightly higher chance of being lesbians and boys molested by women display hyper-promiscuous behavior when they get older.

I didn't even read the rest of your post but after doing so it confirms my point.

>>8543221
>14 year old
>not capable of overpowering a woman of any age

>>8544058
>molesters/rapists win
But they already won by raping you.
It's generally not a sadistic attempt to cause lifelong trauma, that's just your own personal failure.

>>8544058

My personal theory is that it's epigenetic, like I'd previously stated.

>>8543047

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epigenetic_theories_of_homosexuality

An unfortunate sexual stimulus in one's formative years could trigger an epigenetic event (or series of events) that changes their sexual inclinations for a lifetime. Promiscuity and homosexuality are a part of that.

>>8544222
PTSD is not a personal failing, it's a mental illness with trauma as the vector.

>>8544208
I kind of did overpower her in the end when I punched her. In the beginning I was mostly just freezing all the time, or onky healf-heartedly pushing her away. It was only at the end when she put her hand down my pants that I snapped out of it, kinda freaked out and punched her in the face. She hit the ground hard and started crying, Amd I felt terrible and was scared of being arrested or something, so I stayed quiet.

>>8544018
Thanks, you've really given me a lot to think about.

I really fucked up when I didn't tell anybody about what that guy did, didnt I? Not just for my own sake, but I basically let a rapist get away to abuse god knows how many other kids. I'll always be at least partly responsible if he did, and let's face it, he definitely did. It's my fault.

>>8544937

>I really fucked up when I didn't tell anybody about what that guy did, didnt I?

No, you didn't. You did what you thought was best for you at the time.

>Not just for my own sake, but I basically let a rapist get away to abuse god knows how many other kids.

No, you didn't. Any further child abuse that may have been perpetrated by him is -entirely his fault-. How could it possibly be yours?

>I'll always be at least partly responsible if he did, and let's face it, he definitely did.

It's quite possible he did. Again, how could that possibly be your fault? See above.

>It's my fault.

What you're doing is the equivalent of victim blaming, except in this case, you are the victim. I guarantee you wouldn't blame another victim of abuse for the awful circumstances that befell them. Why are you doing it to yourself?

These are the sorts of deeply ingrained, self-destructive, downright unreasonable thinking habits I spoke of earlier.

>>8544018

And once again, these habits must necessarily be undone if you are ever to be content with yourself.

Do not deny yourself the right to be content. If you're America, it's literally enshrined in your Constitution.

>>8543394

I'm glad you get my point, but can I ask you why you care about "Hell" at all?

>but this world obviously has a complete lack of assistance to the victims of rape, especially child rape.

I recognize this, and oh how I wish it weren't true. It applies to all sufferers of mental illness. There's a deep lack of consideration for general mental hygiene in this world.

I am trying to do whatever little I can to change that.

>Why?

Because to grant such broken people attention is to validate them. That's all they're doing - projecting their internal thoughts and seeking validation for them. Any response of any kind qualifies as validation in their minds.

So I will reiterate that those who seek to project their own misery onto others should be completely ignored unless and until the projection ceases.

>>8545158
Hell is the only way for most people to obtain justice.

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>>8543020
>third gayest board on 4chan

Am I the only one ignorant enough to ask what the first two are? Yuri/Yaoi boards?

>>8545158
Great comment, but
>these linebreaks everywhere

So did OP an hero?

>>8543020
If you haven't found this blog yet, it's one of the best resources I've run into for dealing with the abuse I went through as I grew up.
https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

>>8545341
/fit/ and /pol/

>>8545341
/hm/ and /r9k/. /b/ would make 4.

>>8545348
I'm OP, still alive, and not considering suicide any time soon. Not when I've got too many people I will hurt by killing myself.

>>8545158
I just can't help but think that, If I had told somebody when it happened, they might have caught him, and I'd be the last kid he hurt. It didn't go that way though. I feel like because of my silence, others got hurt. I know I'm just doing damage to myself by thinking it that way. I didn't manage to call the rape crisis centre last night, but I'll keep trying, I'll get help. Thanks.
>>8545341
See >>8545373 This is correct.

>>8545356
Thanks, I'll check it out tonight. Much appreciated.

>>8544937
>Amd I felt terrible and was scared of being arrested or something, so I stayed quiet.
This is the reaction a boy has to being sexually assaulted by a woman.

Thanks feminism.

>>8543020
OP, /lgbt/ is not a healthy place to discuss this. If you want to talk about it while staying anonymous I'd really recommend Reddit for this subject matter. Check out either /r/gay or /r/askgaybros

>>8546509
>directing people to reddit for healthier conversation

>>8546509
I wasn't really looking for a healthy conversation when I started this thread, I was slightly intoxicated and self-destructive at the time. I'm touched by the support of people here though.

>>8545333

>Hell is the only way for most people to obtain justice.

Don't rely on supernatural forces to make your natural world more just. We can't even prove the supernatural exists, let alone understand or predict it.

It's equally as likely that "hell" would value the evil people you might expect it to punish.

So you are best off living in the natural world as if "hell" didn't exist at all.

>>8545347

I find that regular line breaks (I try to limit it to one break per argument) make longer posts easier to digest, but to each his own.

>>8545997

>I just can't help but think that, If I had told somebody when it happened, they might have caught him, and I'd be the last kid he hurt. It didn't go that way though. I feel like because of my silence, others got hurt. I know I'm just doing damage to myself by thinking it that way.

Your last sentence here is the only one that matters. I'm glad you can now, at the very least, identify self-destructive thinking habits.

Now please seek a specialist to help you to rid yourself of them entirely.

You are the very last person to blame for your victimization.

>I didn't manage to call the rape crisis centre last night, but I'll keep trying, I'll get help. Thanks.

Your own eventual contentment is my thanks.

Good luck.

>>8543020
>>8545997
>>8547673
it's nice to see 4chan this wholesome.
good luck anon!

>>8547673
I guess I should say, that I did manage to finally call the RCC and not hang up the second I hear a voice at the end of the receiver. It pretty much went as I expected to, with a lot of difficulty and awkwardness on my end. I only managed to get a few words in before I fucking started crying, couldn't hold it now matter how hard I tried to keep it together. I mean it was humiliating but, the woman taking my call didn't chastise me about it or anything, she just listened, asked a few questions and was empathetic and helpful. I imagine she gets calls like that every working day, though not sure how many of them would be male callers. Regardless, I got myself put on a waiting list for counselling, and I can call them again anyways while I'm waiting, if things get overwhelming. I've never talked to somebody about this before, so I guess I'm doing something right now. I'm actually impressed with myself... Thanks anon, thanks everyone, this wasn't at all something I expected.

>>8547685
I know hah.. Guess it goes to show that 4chan isn't just a place for edgelords and meme farmers.

Fuck off and an hero with your stupid thread.
This is LGBT.
Not cry baby victims general.

>>8548532
>>8543415
>>8544222
Just letting you know I still feel for you, even if you won't feel for yourselves anon.

>raped by man as child
>repress all attraction to men and constantly fear being beaten/screamed at
>be molested and sexually humiliated by a woman publicly
>am now cripplingly afraid of criticism and mockery from women
>am insanely insecure, shy, anxious, and self loathing
>can't trust anyone
>want to die every day
>the only time i tried to come forward to my parents when i was a kid, i was accused of lying for attention
>now don't want to tell anyone irl because i still subconsciously think no one will believe me
>am also terrified that people can tell

>>8548913
>i was accused of lying for attention
Christ. Why did they treat you like that?

>Female babysitter forced me to penetrate her when I was 5.

>Asexual.

>>8548969
>it's another woman gets away with rape episode

>>8543020
>I was touched and raped when I was a kid.

Has there ever been studies done to determine the rate of sexual abuse on LGBTQ kids compared to Straights?

Nearly every lesbian I've ever known was raped/abused it seems. It's scary to think about.

>>8548973
Way more men get away with rape than women, so fuck off you stupid bitch.

>>8548947
my parents had used the same babysitter from the time my sisters were born until i was a small child, and by that point our former nanny was in her mid 20s and had to move onto higher paying work so she could start a family.
my mom was full time and my dad traveled a lot for work, so we needed someone there with us while they were gone. we went thru several part time ones, one of them being a woman that was nannied by my great aunt as a kid, whose family had been close to mine for 3 generations or so.
my mother's logic was that we just wanted our old nanny back, because she was basically a second mom, so we lied to get our current caretaker replaced with our favorite.
been almost 20 years and our stories never varied, and my therapists agree that i'm still feeling the effects. thankfully, my mother has since apologized for not believing us.
the rape was once, the molestation/abuse was dozens of times (possibly, i was 4-5 so my recollection of "bad things happened a lot" may be off). several times a week over the course of a few months, but part of what i know is from my sisters' memories since they are a couple years older than me

>>8548913
Such "parents" deserve death.

>>8548985
[citation neded]

>>8549030
they couldn't have known, and hindsight is always 20/20. i have to forgive them, since they've paid for all of my counseling and medication since. even after i turned 18, they helped me when they don't have to.

>>8549049
You're completely wrong and you must realize that. ANY parent who ignores his child's claim of rape for WHATEVER reason must be terminated.

When I was 15 I started talking to this interesting guy who was 27 in a gay chat room who lived near me. He talked about spiritual things and never about sex or getting in my pants. He seemed different then other guys which attracted me towards him. Talking to him boosted my self-confidence and made me feel special at a time where I was feeling down about myself. He would talk about how I was created as a gift toward humanity and other positive things which I honestly didn't understand completely. We continued talking for a few weeks before I asked to meet him.

We ended up meeting one night when my parent were out of town, he picked me up at my house and everything about him was magical in person. As soon as our eyes met I felt like I was floating out of my body. We drove into the countryside and onto a gravel road, then got our of his car and walked into a empty field. He laid down a large blanket and we sat together looking up at the stars and talked for hours while holding hands and making out til' I sucked him off and rode him like a cowboy.

I'm sure you all wanted a strange twisted story that ended in my rape but it never happened. It was consensual and my first time.

>>8549147
How long did you know him for?

>>8549031
Men are rapists.
Women aren't.
Most rape victims don't come forward.

>>8549183
>Men are rapists.
>Women aren't.
Thanks for your contribution r/TwoX.

>>8548517

Congratulations on taking these first few steps. I suspect that venting those emotions after all those years was a relief. I guarantee you the phone operator didn't find it humiliating, but endearing. If she couldn't handle whatever she might hear on the other end of the phone line, she would not have lasted very long on that job.

They say the first step is the hardest. I don't know whether that will actually prove to be true in your case, but if it does, then congratulations on taking what is purportedly the hardest step. In theory, your journey henceforth should only get easier. But that doesn't necessarily mean it will ever be truly 'easy'.

But do ensure that you now continue along your path to recovery, and remember that you have a fundamentally inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.

>>8549180

3 weeks before we met
and almost 5 years total

We still talk regularly, he lives in some ashram in Asia now.

>>8548913
>>8548969
>>8548981
>>8548998
>>8549030
>>8549070
>>8549183

There is so much pain and suffering in this thread and beyond. It's distressing that I can't practically offer help to you all.

The same general advice I gave to the OP applies to all of you who may have suffered.

And yes, there is indeed an undeniable correlation between abuse and sexuality/sexual expression.

Or in the case of the asexual individual, non-expression.

Once again, I suspect this link is epigenetic in nature.

>>8543047
>>8544538

You may not be able to undo those epigenetic events, but you can make them work -for- you with proper help.

You should not have to be ashamed of your sexuality. There is only so much one can do about the person they become.

Please follow the OP's lead and see a licensed specialist.

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>>8549183

>>8548913
Wow, you sound exactly like me, except the part about coming forward to your parents. I haven't done that "yet", don't know if I ever will. Fuck I'm really sorry your parents didn't believe you that's really fucked up, there are people whp believe you though, you're not alone.
>am also terrified that people can tell
Yeah... know how that feels.

>>8548985
I'm sorry, what she did was wrong, it wasn't you're fault at all.

>>8549224
Thanks haha, I'm not American but I'll still take those words to heart. Life's shit right now but I'll stick around for the good times to show again.

>>8549774

It's true whether you're American or not. Whether your own nation's constitution recognizes it as true or not. And many constitutions aside from America's do recognize it as fundamentally true, though perhaps using different wording.

I would love to be kept up to date, but it's quite unlikely I'll be lurking 4chan every hour of every day.

>>8549818
That's okay, I wasn't planning on adding any more, and just letting this thread carry on until it's existence is spent. Thanks for everything.

When I was 10 I was sexually abused for a few months by the same group of boys that were about 4 or 5 years older than me. I kept telling myself that it didn't define me and I could get better, but I still feel disgusting and can't leave it behind me. I think I still would have turned out lesbian but I just don't know and it makes me feel fake. I've been to therapy as a teenager because my school made me, but I just ended up lying to the guy because I couldn't talk about it. I feel like I'm too old to really get better, and I wish I could kill myself without hurting my little brother. I don't think the abuse/rape is the source of all my problems obviously, but it's a lot.

When I was 8-9 my aunt (by adoption, was my cousin by birth and only 16-18 at the time) molested me fairly regularly for a few months whenever my parents left me with her to play video games. She would make me look at her and finger her. She was also very critical and made me afraid of talking because she said my voice was annoying. I didn't see her again until I was about 19, when she seemingly thought I had forgotten or something. She challenged me to smash Bros melee and I beat her 5/0 in a nervous frenzy. Hadn't even played the game since the time she touched me. No idea how. She never talked to me again

That's pretty much it though. weird place for the story to end. Probably contributed to why I find young adult women so detestable and am only attracted to Christmas cake women and awkward virgin boys.

>>8543020
>>8544058
>>8549774
>>8551450
>>8551608
I hope all of you feel better someday. I'm deeply sorry this has happened to you.

I see this thread is still active. I will try to at the very least identify self-destructive thinking patterns for those of you who still struggle with abuse, as in the OP's case.

>>8551450

>I think I still would have turned out lesbian but I just don't know and it makes me feel fake.

Whether it would or it wouldn't have, the fact taht you are now lesbian isn't a choice on your part. Why would you sexuality be fake, unless you could change it at will? (And even I wouldn't call it fake - I'd call it an advantage.)

Doesn't it make sense that you would develop a primal, fundamental disliking of males if you were literally abused by them regularly over the course of months?

I bet you still have flashbacks when you see someone who resembles one of them. That would be something akin to PTSD.

>but I just ended up lying to the guy because I couldn't talk about it.

Because you were so traumatized by the event that even speaking about it would have been immensely stressful. I bet it's still stressful even in text.

Why were you put in therapy in school? The fact that your therapist couldn't see that themselves is suspect.

>I feel like I'm too old to really get better,

This is just flat-out false. It's never to late to be helped. I bet you're not even that old.

>and I wish I could kill myself without hurting my little brother.

Please don't. Not just for your brother's sake, but your own. You keep blaming the victim for her circumstances time and time again - and yet you yourself are the victim.

You deserve better than to be blamed, for years at that, for circumstances that were forced upon you.

>I don't think the abuse/rape is the source of all my problems obviously, but it's a lot.

I would bet that it is one of the root causes of a huge number of your current problems, though.

You can't continue blaming yourself and denying yourself happiness. Have you attempted therapy of any sort since your teenage years?

>>8543020
Seriously, people like you who constantly feel the need to talk about sexual abuse are just selfish bastards.
If you want to talk about it, go to a shrink.
Why you feel the need to tell everyone in drug recovery groups or post about it in forums which aren't about sexual abuse is beyond me.
All you do is trigger people who have gotten over it and ruin their lives.
Keep your shit to yourself and a doctor.

>>8551608

>Probably contributed to why I find young adult women so detestable and am only attracted to Christmas cake women and awkward virgin boys.

That would almost certainly do it. It would be quite a coincidence otherwise.

You actually didn't exhibit any of those typical self-destructive thinking habits that I expected to see, however. Does that mean you've already accepted the fact that whatever happened wasn't your fault?

>>8543020
Imgay and wasnt molested as a kid
Your move

>>8543020
The molestation of kids making them gay meme argument only applies to male/boy molestation anon. Heterocucks would deny up and down the way that a heterosexual molestation makes kids gay because that would mean their memes would fall apart if it was true

>>8551450
It doesn't really make all that much sense though. The majority of perps who molest girls are male, so it would sound feasible that those girls might turn out to reject the opposite sex as a sort of self defence mechanism, but the majority of perps who molest boys are also male, and that makes those boys grow up to become attracted to men? The logic here is flawed. Besides, while it would make sense for a molested child to grow up to reject men (if their perp(s) was male) that wouldn't mean they'd suddenly find women sexually attractive.

>>8552126
This kind logic is the reason why sexual crimes are still very much kept in the dark, extremely hard to prosecute and forces victims into secrecy and shame. Talking about it is how we learn and grow I honestly cannot think of any other crime where the victims are shamed and blamed so much.

>>8552135
I know I'm not at fault, though I should have told someone in case she did it to others. Then again, to be fair no one would believe me or think I was harmed. Yay female-on-male abuse standards.

>>8544545
>PTSD is not a personal failing
Keep telling yourself that

>>8543020
I feel like the stereotypes don't make sense, tho.

Same sex victimization -> victim turns gay
Straight sex victimization -> victim turns gay

>>8553133
Feminism: helping abusers get away with abuse since forever.

>>8553991
Isn't that the catholic church's job?

>>8553133
You don't know that because you never told anyone...

>>8553991
"Since forever"

My fucking sides

>>8554664
I've known men who have tried to tell people they were raped or molested by women and they were laughed out of friendships and courts. In many places women cannot even legally rape males or subject them to any form of domestic abuse. You're talking out of your ass because you've never been in the position or cared for someone who has.

>>8552113
>I bet you still have flashbacks when you see someone who resembles one of them
Yeah, but actually not as much as I used to. Their faces are more vague in my memory now. I get more dreams about it now.
>Why were you put in therapy in school?
Obviously depressed, sleeping in class, got caught cutting (yeah I know, I was like 14-15 at the time though). For whatever reason I was terrified of being there so I tried to convince a couple that I got better after a few weeks of talking to them. I've thought about trying therapy again but I don't know if I'll be able to stick with it and be honest. I don't want to spend a bunch of money on it and just fuck it up for myself again.

>>8554674
>My fucking sides
Rape is pretty funny huh? I mean as long as it's not a female victim.

>>8556076
Lesbian pedophiles aren't real
Gay men are 2% of the population but make up 40% of predators

>>8543020
But even if you weren't just some straight troll being full of shit, you could still call them out on their lies.

I've never tried using prayer to cure an illness. That doesn't stop me from pointing out that trying it is bullshit and obviously won't work.

>>8556096
For illnesses that aren't terminal, one could argue that prayer is a placebo effect. Your faith/belief is strong enough to force your body to cure the ailment or at least act as a strengthener to whatever drug you're already using.

>>8556122
Obvious lies.

>>8556129
>Ignores science
I'd return the tip but I don't own a fedora

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>>8556093
>Lesbian pedophiles aren't real
http://archive.is/YrCl7

>>8556136
Prayer is not science.

>>8556183
The placebo effect IS science

>>8556195
You were implying that prayer has any value. If I want the placebo effect, I will just pretend I'm cured. No studying of books written thousands of years ago by a bunch of immoral liars needed.

>>8556217
>When religion is for idiots but it's okay if you behave like a total retard because at least you don't believe in a magic man who lives in the sky
Yes, you're clearly the better faggot

>>8556279
But I don't give a shit about your lies you worthless straight disease.

>>8556287
>Straight
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Implying

>>8556327
Look dude, you're mouth stinks like Jesus's mouth just after he got done eating some dog shit everytime you open it. You're obviously straight.

>>8556354
I'm gay, dumbass. The difference is I'm not a shit eating liberal like you.
Go celebrate AIDS positivity and bug spreading, fucking fag

>>8556375
But I'm not falling for you Christ lie you filthy straight disease.

>>8556380
>I'm not falling for you
Good, I don't date retards

>>8556399
I don't think you're going to find much success trying to trick human beings into accepting straights when they act like straight dog shit.

tfw no mtf abuse survivor gf that can only get turned on by rape roleplay

>>8556406
You have an obsession with dog shit. Fucking animals is illegal, retarded or not

>>8556412
>Abuser seeking abused mtf for more abuse
>>>/craigslist/

>>8556417
tl;dr straight dog shit

>>8556443
>tl;dr khv homo

>>8556449
tl;dr amhhna hnion huhhuhuh amirite straight?

Sorry Anon. We're always here for you to argue with.

>>8556457
Why are you so upset? Who hurt you anon?

>>8556464
Is that your proof that straights aren't diseases?

>>8556469
Your anger is noticeable
Do you want to sit down and talk? Why do you hate this "straight disease"?

>>8556483
Does my anger change the fact that all straights of fundamentally completely worthless?

>>8556457
You deserved to be molested.

>>8556499
Why so butthuwties anon?
I'm just a cute gay boy

>>8556506
No gay person ever deserves to be mistreated by a straight for any reason. Straights on the other hand all deserve to be force fed pig shit until their stomachs explode.

>>8556511
>t. Enjoyed being molested but doesn't want to admit it

>>8556566
Tell yourself whatever you need to to justify your straightness.

>>8556585
>Autism

Not taking sides but anyone posting on this board can be presumed trans until proven otherwise.

>>8556614
Straight disease

>>8556610
>Autism

Autism

>>8556614
Most people on this board are not trans. It's just the tripfags that are mostly trans.

>>8556614
How do I prove that I'm not trans? Cis straight male here.

>>8556645
Reply to the butthurt faggot
>>8556636
>Tfw never molested
>tfw not a raving retard
Feels good

>>8556657
tl;dr danky dog shit meme straighty :)

>>8556677
>Digits turned me straight again
Mike pence pls go and stay go

>>8556690
Are you quite certain that human beings worship the digits? Isn't that just a straight disease thing?

>>8543020
W..what's the gayest?

i went to this daycare on the street next to home when i was 5 or so and nobody liked me. nons of the kids and the ppl who ran the place were pretty shit

i got abused physically and i was kept separate and i was also held up against the wall in the bathroom and raped. not the only time. i had trouble speaking back then too and i was always jealous of the girls

im a girl now and loving popping hormones

>>8556752
/pol/ obviously.
Followed closely by /fit/

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My daddy touched my weiner when he was drunk in one night and i was like 7 that time and i didn't turned out to be gay or anything. Also i was almost raped by a retard (literally) because he thought i had a pretty face.

>>8543384
If only you had the balls to say things like this in real life

>>8559359
Not that Anon but asking people to speak the same irl and anonymous is fucking stupid and defeats the point. There's benefit, especially in cases of talking about trauma and coping methods

>>8553012

>It doesn't really make all that much sense though. The majority of perps who molest girls are male, so it would sound feasible that those girls might turn out to reject the opposite sex as a sort of self defence mechanism, but the majority of perps who molest boys are also male, and that makes those boys grow up to become attracted to men? The logic here is flawed. Besides, while it would make sense for a molested child to grow up to reject men (if their perp(s) was male) that wouldn't mean they'd suddenly find women sexually attractive.

I get the sense this was meant for me, and I think you're overthinking it. Sexual assault may or may not change the way the victim's sexuality is expressed. Those whose sexualities are largely unchanged go undetected in the correlation stats.

But if the assault event -does- change the victim's sexuality, it doesn't always do so in the same rigidly predictable ways. It's not as simple as 'all females assaulted by males are naturally going to become lesbian' or 'all males assaulted by males necessarily become gay'. It's more like some will become more promiscuous, some will become homosexual, some will take sexual interest in the characteristics of the person who assaulted them, some will utterly despise those characteristics, some will become bisexual, or trans, etc. The fact that change occurs is predictable, but the exact way in which the change manifests is not.

>>8553133

You would have been believed had you found a good specialist.

It is sadly true that male victims of females are both underreported and undersupported. But that does not mean that there are absolutely no recourses for help.

>>8556065

>Yeah, but actually not as much as I used to. Their faces are more vague in my memory now. I get more dreams about it now.

I would argue that those dreams (which I'd bet are nightmares that you've numbed to) still qualify as flashbacks. This sounds like PTSD, which plenty of victims suffer from even decades post-assault.

>For whatever reason I was terrified of being there

It's understandable that you would never want to admit what was causing your depression. I know that sexual assault and shame unfortunately go hand-in-hand quite often.

>I've thought about trying therapy again but I don't know if I'll be able to stick with it and be honest.

Honestly, I think it could help you greatly if you did stick with it. See:

>>8544018

>I don't want to spend a bunch of money on it and just fuck it up for myself again.

I guess you must be American.

Do you have absolutely no insurance? I'm sure you could find a free or low-cost therapist, they do exist (especially for cases of something as serious as sexual abuse).

And to not "fuck it up" for yourself, it's necessary to just let it all out. I know the thought of doing that probably makes you terribly uneasy, but the first step of recovery is admitting that there's a problem. It's also often the hardest step.

But the good news is that it should only become easier from then on.

Like I've said, you should never deny yourself the right to be happy. You don't deserve to wallow in sadness caused by someone else.

>>8558032

I'm so sorry this happened.

Did you ever get help for it? Do you mind if I ask if you think you may be depressed?

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>>8556142

>>8561498
There are more rape/abuse helplines/centers open to male abusers wanting to reform than to male victims.

>>8562078
Which shows why this entire species deserves to be wiped out of existence forever never to be recreated.

>>8562078
Happened to me before. Once called an RCC, and within a few seconds of opening my mouth, the woman on the line told me she didnt treat violators, and hung up.