Dealing with being hopeless and how to forget this all

>>8530803
How old are you? Get on hormones anyway, just to prevent those further changes.

>>8530856
I feel like it's pointless. ill just get boobs and it will be harder to hide from everyone. with time i'll look like an aberration with a "androgynous" body and a caveman head. Ill end up looking like the tranvestites that live here and i dont want this at all. I'm not sufficient deluded to look at my face and feel feminine. I know what i am and what i look like. It's an option i never had. I want to find another way out of this

>>8531019
get on test blockers

>>8531075
I planned to do this but i can stay with them for like 1-2 years at max right? gyno and osteoporosis can happen

>>8530803
Do you think you will end up killing yourself? That prospect seems ever so attractive to me

>>8531438
When i look to my future, it is the only thing i know for sure i'm going to do. The earlier the better.

When friends have problems like this, i always tell them to try EVERYTHING before they consider suicide. If you're not going to transition, or to take hrt and live in boymode, at least try to learn an instrument, learn to pilot a plane, whatever can make you happy.

But this doesn't apply for me. I won't pass, i don't want to be humiliated like it already happened during whole highschool and life, and it doesn't matter how much i look, i can't find anything i would like to do.

My last resort was drugs. Heavy drinking and smoking for 2 years, and tried weed twice and hated it. I'm not going to do any of this again. And this is what scares me the most: At least they made me forget about everything momentarily. Now i won't have anything.

I feel like i'm some kind of lost person without will to live. It's "comfortable" to think like that when i don't know anything else.

>>8531602
I am 80% sure I will die by this year's end, just need a final push to set things right

>>8531282
Please take the skittles OP. They're for your own good.

>>8531282
better than getting more masc, it'll at least give you more time to think things through
also I believe you can be on bicalutamide alone for longer than the rest and be pretty safe
qhi.co.uk

>>8531282
You are not hopeless, you are young and if your face looks good from the front thats already half way to passing! You should seriously consider stating HRT now before it gets worse.

>gyno and osteoporosis can happen
SERMs prevent that

>Maybe i should get on antidepressants
maybe, its not mutually exclusive, dysphoria comes with depression and many trans people have to get on ADs as well
See a therapist if you can.

File: df0140b2fed3d21b22372b171e363715.jpg (33KB, 400x480px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 400x480px

>>8532413
If you're not out of options, maybe there's still hope for you anon.

>>8532416
>>8532422
I can order them in my country, it's cheaper and easier, but bica by itself is too expensive with minimum wage job (that's why i've considered cypro). Yes it's better than getting more masc... But that's what i'm struggling with. Taking hrt doesn't matter if i'm already too masc. It won't do anything besides making me look like a neanderthal with soft skin and deformed body. And if i make the decision to end my life i would have wasted all my money in hrt and can't afford a gun anymore.

>>8532440
I don't think that's how it works. My face is fucked up, but looking from the front it is more acceptable (hiding bad features like nose size and brow ridge). In the end i'm depending on angles, in the real life.

I've been to some therapists before, i've been put in AD's, but they didn't help after months taking them.

I know body disphormism is a thing between mtf's but i'm not looking at bad features wich i can hide. I literally can't pass nor be cute boymode, i'm not sufficiently deluded to lie to myself about that. I want to find something i can do about this but my options wouldn't work.