/bigen/ - bigen bestgen

bi-cycle has me like

Maybe I'll just be lesbian for the rest of my life

Then like, why am I suddenly only attracted to men?

Any else fear through years of being closeted and repressing you fucked up your chances of actually having long term same-sex relationships. Even after coming out and family and friends being supportive I feel like the fear of being in a long-term relationship with a guy is there like im still closeted. I guess avoiding any type of same-sex encounter didn't help this either. i really like the idea being with a guy (especially with bi-cycle being tuned towards guys atm) but i am afraid when the opportunity arises and i meet a great guy im just gonna run away from it. hopefully i am just being paranoid and my feelings for the person override the fear

>want to try sexual things with a guy to know what it's like
>don't want a long term relationship
>also don't want it to be a random hookup because low key demi and aren't interested in sex unless I care about the person emotionally

does fwb ever work out or is it inevitable that at least one person develops romantic feelings?

Im a pansexual girl. When I'm in love with a man, it's intense but I always have this feeling of desperation and fear deep down, which ultimately leads to me being overly anxious and self conscious. As opposed to when I'm in love with a woman, it's a calm, warm and belonging type of love. It tears at me; I wish I could love the opposite sex without feeling like I need to fit the mold that they want. Can't seem to shake it. Does anybody else deal with anything similar?

>>8522995
I'm a bi man and feel that way except it's the opposite. I'm more comfortable around the opposite sex and more uncomfortable around the same sex.

Is anyone else not really attracted to trans people? I don't mean that in a hateful way and I fine awful saying this but I'm only really into one end of the extreme I guess.

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>>8521719
>tfw no cute artistic manlet bisexual boyfriend like geheichou

why live

the best of all is that he is from basque country like me, but older and i am pretty sure he lived on vizcaya.

https://www.instagram.com/geheichou/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/geheichou
http://geheichous.tumblr.com/faq

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>>8522995
Yeah I'm the exact same way. It doesn't happen all the time, but I often get a gripping sense of anxiety whenever I think about or interact sexually with a man. I pretty much never get that way with women though.

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that I lean towards guys sexually, so I put a lot more pressure on myself when I'm with them, whereas I tend to see my experiences with women as more casual hook ups.

>>8523473
I have heard other bi's explain they they really are bi-nary with their attractions. That they like women in one way, and men in another, and aren't into androgyny at all.

Some people use the bisexual vs pansexual to differentiate between the type I described above and those who like people no matter their parts (before even including the many genders/nb debate)(I still use bi despite falling into 2nd category)

For me, I'm into androgyny/GNC and I'm into trans peeps.

But I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who ID'd as non-binary because I wouldn't be able to defend them from my family and friends, since I myself am not that supporting of enbies. Like. Enough to use proper pronouns when in a queer space and enough to be slightly open minded to the idea, but I'm still leaning towards the worldview that we are all cis/trans men and women who can be gender conforming or gender non-conforming.

>>8523941
>I have heard other bi's explain they they really are bi-nary with their attractions. That they like women in one way, and men in another, and aren't into androgyny at all.
Yes. That's how it is for me. It's 2 completely different attractions. it's more complicated then being "in the middle" though because I'm not a total sub for men.

>>8522417
Living in fear of being outed (or having lived in fear of being outed) really fucks you up, i read a good article about it.

http://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/gay-loneliness/

>>8524463
Thanks for sharing anon, that was a good read. Its crazy how much i related to it

>>8523497
If you're younger than him (19), you have plenty of time to get a cutie bisexual manlet bf.

>>8522995
>>8523126
Everybody's raised to think that men are helpless slaves to their dicks so you have to be the hottest and kinkiest person he can get or he'll cheat/leave, and it's probably your fault somehow. After all, he can't help it.

What you're feeling is anxiety and perceived competition.

everyone is bi

Can anyone explain why the ppl hating bi's seem to be overwhelmingly women, no matter the Kinsey scale? They don't go full autistic around gay men nor straight women, that is.
>tfw no gf

>>8521719
>TFW you take one of the polls, then you see the number of votes tick up after a few minutes
Another living human on this slow-as(s)-fuck board? I don't believe it

>>8522921
>demisexual
It's. Time. To. Stop.

>>8526001
That's because bi men are gay and bi women are straight, silly!

>>8526018
If someone ever asks "would you fuck them" my immediate internal response is 'I don't know them'
Demi is not a valid sexual identity, but the mental state behind it definitely applies to some people

>>8522417
Not really, I'm still closeted and I know that will make it harder to get a gay relationship but I'm confident I'd be able to come out to someone I had the chance of dating and then to everybody else. It really feels like being able bi is no problem and just a good thing, and that coming out would be easy.

>>8524463
I can't relate to that at all. Maybe because I was basically straight growing up?

>>8526284
>but the mental state behind it definitely applies to some people
It applies to the VAST majority of the human race. Demisexual only became popular with the rise in hookup culture when special snowflakes wanted to set themselves apart from the rest of the heterosexuals.

even a lot of hookup culture depends on forming a relationship with someone BEFORE ya fuck, fulfilling demisexual needs.

>told very cloise coworker my bf was actually trans, making her my gf.
>she was more surprised about the fact I was bi.
>asked her if it was an issue
>she said no, went on to say she just doesn't like seeing it openly
>told her she doesn't even like seeing straight people kissing
>she laughed and agreed

tfw friendship survived ultimate test.

>>8526334
the ultimate test is what happens when one of you falls for the other

>>8526334
Were you bi beforehand or are you "I was already dating him and she still looks like a boy and I already love her so I'll keep dating her" bi?

Don't take this badly, I'm glad your relationship and friendship are solid.

>>8526362
unlikely to happen, shes not my type.

>>8526366
Not taken badly at all! I've been openly bi for years. I dont really care what she looks like. :3

>>8523473
I'm the same and I'm trans myself.

I don't know if I'm bi-nary in the >>8523941 way because I like androgynous people normally.

>>8526309
>straight growing up

I find that interesting, since part of realizing I was bi was looking back as far as kindergarten, of how even though my thoughts around boy Riley and girl Rylie were fairly similar, despite only labeling one of them as a crush.

Although I met a few people in middle school out as bi (and not just 'the girls who say they're bi' type) and had a GSA at my school so that helped me be more open to the idea at age 15-16 doing my own self-analysis.

Would you say you're hetero-leaning? I'm either middle or homo-leaning I think.

>>8526494
I'm interested in this sort of thing too. Was the labeling of the one as a crush entirely conscious, with no different feelings naturally?

>Would you say you're hetero-leaning?
Extremely. It was only in my twenties that I started having homo fantasies, my physical attraction is very hetero when it comes to who I check out or the pictures I search for/save, I don't have many/any gay mannerisms, even thinking of myself or a relationship as "gay"/"homosexual" still feels icky.

I really want to encourage my biness though.

>>8526316
>even a lot of hookup culture depends on forming a relationship with someone BEFORE ya fuck
Really? That's not the impression I get from hearing tinder stories

>>8526557
>Was the labeling of the one as a crush entirely conscious, with no different feelings naturally?

I'm not sure if I called it a crush on boy Rylie at 5 or 6 years old but I did look back at is as one. So then later when I started to question my sexuality I thought back to that and realized maybe I remembered boy Rylie and girl Rylie in similar ways because my feelings were similar. Not sure if 5 y/o's get real crushes tho.

>>8526757
If not a real crush it can still be a sign of sexuality. I wish I'd felt more of that.

Where are these characters from?

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>>8526831
Lol. When I say "girl and boy Riley" I mean literal kids from my kindergarten class. Although it was a different shared unisex name.

Now I'm trying to think if kids cartoons ever made me realize I was different... maybe the slightly queer-coded characters that sometimes exist in them? Not counting much later with shoujo-ai in anime or something.

>>8527032
Hah, I assumed you meant cartoon character from some show I didn't know! In that case though, how did you show your feelings towards them?

>>8527052
Heh my thoughts on this were much clearer at 15 than now at 20, but mainly I (my younger self) just found them equally as memorable and cute, I guess. I can't remember actions... thank goodness I left primary school without any embarrassing displays of affection.

>womb full of estrogen because of a late miscarriaged female pregnancy just weeks before mine
>raised mainly by my mother and her female friends
>liked to dress in drag as a little kid
>spent kindergarten trying to kiss cute boys
>mother funds and supports my semi-pro 12 year career in dancing
>puberty hits and gifts me with very wide hips, an high tone soft voice and female mannerism

aaaand still not full homo.
Sometimes I wonder what else should have happened to stir me away from pussy

>>8522921
>>8526561
I don'tknow where your limit is but hookups I've had were all prefaced with at least an hour or two of just hanging out and chatting. I feel like it was a misconception I had before where I thought hookups were so much more impersonal, but even if it's not someone I've a deep emotional connection with, it's not a complete stranger, rather a pretty superficial friend.


>>8523473
I've made the conscious decision not to go with trans people because I'm ftm myself, but I mean if I was cis I'd likely be a chaser. Only gender I'm generally eh about is explicitly non binary people, but that's because gender kind of matters in how I experience attraction. I'm generally not very into butch girls and tomboys, for example.

>>8527233
Why should it? Pussy is great.

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>>8524935
i am a little older (21)

>>8524935
shit english, i mean i am older*

>>8527732
Final fantasy aesthetic realness/10

Anybody else here interested in both males and females, but only in cis ones?

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>>8527899
>only in cis ones?

some bisexuals say that, some only like "feminine women, masculine men", not me, i love androgyny and i love trannies, well i am not a fan of masculine FtM full of body hair trans men, the same for cis, i like masculine men if they have a model or athletic aesthetic, without body hair.

pic relate is my type of masculine men, i am less picky with women or feminine, androynous people.

>>8527899
I wouldn't want to date a trans person because of the inevitable mental issues that come along with their dysphoria

>>8527905
I'm attracted to androginous men and women, but trans and whatever non-binary stuff tumblr invented grinds my gears. I see they as misguided at best and attention whores and perverts at worst.

>>8523473
Not the case for me. I'm attracted to the feminine people. All kinds, not into masculine people

>>8527732
>I am a little older (21) (this is correct English btw!)

Oh, I see. I thought you said in your original geheichou post that he is older than you.

There's still time at 21, too!

I came out as bi a few days ago when I was drunk, I thought it would feel great but it just feels weird and I feel more anxious about it than before

>>8527905
>tfw like masc woman and fem men
am I the anti-bi

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>>8530096
more common than you think, that is just androgyny and a lot of bi people find it hot, including me.

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>>8528352
yep, english is not my native language and i just commit a mistake, nothing more.

>>8530002
exactly why I never get drunk
I don't know if I'm going to do shit with consequences like that

I'm asexual aromantic pansensual and pan everything else. do I belong here

>>8530558
If you're here to talk about bi/pan shit, then yes.

Otherwise there is an acegen (..if it's still on the board, last one might be in archive).

>>8530590
acegen is gay but okay thanks I was worried there's some anti asexuals vibes everywhere in lgbt outside of asexual community

>>8530523
I'm pretty sure my friends have an inkling that I'm bi after the time I drunkenly threatened to rape a guy who was being an asshole. Or I think he was being an asshole. I can't really remember it properly. They thought it was funny though, so it's okay.

>>8530611
Not saying you won't find anti-ace sentiment on bigen ever, although I think most of what I've seen the last thread and this thread is more thoughtful criticism than hate.

There's deff been non-binary h8, criticism, and a bit of thoughtful criticism. So I think that's probz the only group that would feel not welcome on the board w/ its current rules/posters/whatevers (then again that might be most /lgbt/ threads in general tho)

I'm pretty new to this board, but I just wanted to ask a question.

Do any other bi girls (I guess bi guys can also answer) have issues finding a same sex partner? I bump into way more lesbians at my school than I do bi girls, but none of them take me seriously. They all think I'm just experimenting and use the face I haven't been with that many girls as a reasoning that I'll just end up becoming heteronormative later.


Honestly the only reason I haven't been with that many girls was that I was extremely uncomfortable with my sexuality in highschool, but now that I'm in college most people won't believe I'm actually into girls.


It honestly really hurts.

>>8531102
>tell people you're biscum
>wonder why they don't wan to date you

maybe stop telling them you're incapable of commitment.
at least then you can fuck them a few times before you get bored and have to fuck someone else.

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>>8531148
What does being bi have to do with commitment?

>>8531161
lack of commitment
ftfy

>>8531102
>I bump into way more lesbians at my school than I do bi girls,
....You what?

And being a loser even by 4chan standards (as you just demonstrated) I can't relate at all. Though I am working on trying to get with this utterly adorable femboi right now and it certainly seems to be working. So there's that;.

>>8531175
The question still remains. Why do people think I'm just going to get bored of them because I'm bi? Are they really that insecure? It doesn't mean I'm going to be bored of girls in a few days. I'm capable of being attracted to both girls and boys and I'm perfectly capable of committing if I like the person enough.

>>8531182
Here's your (you)

>>8531102
>>8531193
The funny part is, if you're running into "way more lesbians" than bi girls at your school, plenty of THEM are going to go bi/straight after college. Statistically, lesbian women are greatly outnumbered by bi ones.

As for the attitude they take towards bi girls, I honestly can't fault people for protecting themselves based on easily-observable patterns. The fact is that the vast, overwhelming majority of bi girls do end up with same-sex partners. The fact is that heterosexual relationships are easier and offer greater benefits (biological children, social acceptance, etc.) than same-sex ones. Nobody wants to get their heart broken. It's not worth taking personally.

>>8531270
*do end up with opposite-sex partners.

>>8531270
>No one wants to get their heart broken... so you gotta take the bullet instead.

greattttt haha. I see your point though. I just would like it more if they said something like "I don't want to date a bi girl" Instead of discrediting my sexuality.

>>8531193
Why bother telling people that you're bi?
If you like a girl and you can commit to her then just do that.
She doesn't need to know that you're daydreaming about slurping cum.
Does she?

>>8531299
Cis lesbian here. If you're still single after college, things should get better for you as you get older. My friends and I specifically exclude college-aged bi girls from our dating pools (sorry, it's just too dangerous), but I at least am much more open to girls in their mid-twenties plus.

Hang in there.

>>8531310
Because If I commit to them I'm not going to lie to them. *shrug* Guess a majority of people are too insecure about it.

>>8531318
Totally fine to say you don't date bi girls. That's not my problem. My only issue is when I get shit on for being bi or told I'm lying or just fooling around.

>>8531320
A lie of omission is not a lie of comission.

>>8531225
Um....thanks I guess?

>>8530875
what's thoughtful criticism of asexuality?

>tfw you remember her smell

>>8532158
I guess 'thoughtful criticism' isn't "asexuality doesn't exist" but "asexuality is a valid orientation but also can be the result of X, Y, or Z factors and temporary"

>>8532158
Asexuality is a legitimate way of experiencing sexuality, and a useful term to help you understand how you relate to society and society's view of how a relationship is supposed to look.
Society definitely view asexuals as "other", and asexual people DO face discrimination based on their asexuality, but while they share some experiences with homo- and bisexual people, they also don't experience a lot of those struggles, and have a few separate issues of their own. Asexuality is a form of anormativity, but it cannot be equaled with homo- and bisexuality, just like sexuality and transness are separate issues.

Asexuality has also lead way to the split attraction model which, while it might be beneficiary on a personal level of exploring and understanding sexuality, comes with a lot of problems when put in the historical context of denying same-sex attraction or equating it with being a fetish, or old stereotypes of same-sex relations being more sexual than different-sex relationships.

A lot of grey-spec labels are also in large rather ignorant in their understanding of human sexuality and assumes that everyone who is not defining themselves underneath the grey-spec terms have a uncomplicated relationship to sex and must also enjoy casual sex. Which, obviously, is not true and, again, not beneficiary to the movement at large and how we understand and talk about the nuances of sexuality.

if you approach a gay person telling them full well that you're biscum and want to experiment but don't want a long term relationship, would many be okay with it? Does that count as friends with benefits, and is that a good idea?

>>8532383
I just approach biscum with more experience than I.
But then again I'm trans.

>>8532267
>>8532303
i see; all these make sense


> a lot of problems when put in the historical context of denying same-sex attraction or equating it with being a fetish, or old stereotypes of same-sex relations being more sexual than different-sex relationships.

I'm not sure I'm familiar with this argument. Does it refer to a belief that it may be common for people to be heteroromantic bisexual? Is this hypothesis based on any survey/study?

What are the biggest/most interesting bisexual online communities?

So if I'm an asexual who's bisensual aka I enjoy cuddling/touching/kissing-without-tongue both males and females... am I allowed to consider myself bisexual for practical purposes? I mean the society at large would definitely call me bisexual for being sensual with both genders, and the academic community would not call me bisexual because I don't experience sexual attraction and my sexual orientation is already asexual.

What about the bisexual community? Like I don't think I'm technically "allowed" to vote in your polls cause I'm not technically bisexual, but I'm colloquially bisexual so where do I stand in your views?

>>8532594
It's more of an ongoing discussion; separate attraction models puts a lot of focus on the "sexual" in "homosexual" when there's been an ongoing fight for ages to make "homosexual" more of a general term than being specifically about sex. Like, you can be a lesbian even if you're also ace. Even more relevant when it applies to bi/pan folks, where the split attraction models way of relabeling "sexuality" to mean "sex" forces bi ace people to define themselves as "biromantics" rather than "bisexuals", which is not ideal and leads to a whole lot of purity wank among subgroups of asexuals.

Split attraction model also opens up for a lot more room to question SGA people; if you're asexual but homoromantic, does gender REALLY matter anyway? I've also seen lesbians be denied their lesbianism because they were ace which is kinda messed up.

>>8532636
This is exactly what I'm talking about. "Bisexual" in this context is not about sex, it's about a more general attraction. The degree of your sexual interest does not dictate whether you're allowed to call yourself bisexual or not, just like having a preference does not dictate whether you're allowed to call yourself bisexual or not. You might still end up calling yourself straight/gay because of social function, but it's not a disqualifier. Just like you can be functionally ace even if you experience sexual attraction once in a blue moon.

>>8532701
Ok I see your point and I guess it's a problem of terminology. However, I don't know of an easy way around it.

It would be dubious of me to unreluctantly affirm that I'm bisexual when I don't feel sexual/romantic attraction to any gender, and all I feel is sensual attraction which, for all we know, may be completely universal to everyone, and it may be society who forbids others to engage in sensual activities. In that worldview, I'm as bisexual as any other person on the planet.

I believe it is useful to have a word for sexual orientations defined by sexual attraction. I've met people who were homosexual aromantic heteroromantic asexuals and so on. I don't know what that word should be but I imagine that if *sexual is used for all attractions and some other term is used for specificall sexual attraction it would make everything very confusing. I see how it's confusing as it is now too though

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Tfw you were closeted in high school because of your friend group and how people would react but then find a new group after high school who is super open to everything

>>8532803
I should clarify, I don't think the split attraction model is useless at all. It's very helpful to a lot of people. That doesn't change that it's also often used to invalidise SGA orientations and diminish people's (often abuse survivors) complex relations to sex and sexuality. I've also seen mid-teens feel like they've no place in homo/bi spaces because they're "ace", which oftentimes turns out to be false because they're like, fourteen, but even if they are ace they still need access to spaces that deal with same sex attraction and in particular to places that deal with nonsexual attraction, because they're teenagers.

There really isn't an easy answer, because, again, a lot of times it's an useful model, but we need to stop pretending like there's an easy answer to this. Just like I can be 100% bi yet, in some spaces, my experience with SSA is far more relevant and in other spaces I might as well be straight.

>>8532816
>friend groups
I can't handle the drama desu
I'd rather concentrate all my effort one one super close friend

>>8533027
The group's aren't that big well the one in high school was but this new one is a small main group

>>8532816
my friend group was a lot of gays/bis but we were all closeted to each other

>no more attracted by women for ~2 years, rarely watch straight porn
>hookups with guys
>Welp, I'm gay now!?
>meet this sexy girl & start fantasize about her
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
fucking broken bi-cycle, stop messing with my mind!

>>8533602
Not quite my case but I can relate.

>barely get hard for girls anymore
>only do it for guys and traps
>distaste for women at all time high
>flirting with guys more than ever
>think I'm about to hook up with one
>can't be gay because I am still more likely to find a woman attractive/fuckable than a man
>won't do sex in the bum of any kind so it's gotta be vag

>>8532598
I can't believe you guys don't have a large online community like AVEN is for asexuals. The only thing I found is reddit's subreddits which are filled of "today i came out XDDD" "congrats!! :D" "i got bullied :(" "oh nooo stay strong girl"

Ace community is so much more exciting tbqh no offence

>>8533708
>ace
>exciting
pick one