Coming out to a dying parent?

>>8514440
It sounds like you want to tell her for your sake, not for the sake of her happiness. If you value her happiness more than your knowledge afterwards you shared that facet about you with her, then don't tell her. Unless you think despite her unhappiness at you being gay, she'll be happier for the time that she has knowing that you were close enough to her to share that.

>>8514461
When you put it that way, yeah. I guess I have to admit I want to tell her for my own sake. I know it's not going to help her at all to find out...

>>8514472
Well consider if your sake is more important. How much do you value being able to look back and know you told her that and she knew your orientation?

Also keep in mind that being gay is hardly the be and end all of who you are. It's a major thing, yes, because it's who you want to spend your life with, but it's only indirectly related to your relationships with your parents.

>>8514479
I don't know if it's more important or not. My fear is that I'll end up looking back on the last few months of my mother's life and my only memory of her is her being upset with me about something she doesn't understand and I can't change. She just doesn't get what it's like being gay, she never has. I wish now I had come out when I were younger so that she had more time to work it out, but that can't happen anymore...

I think either way, if I tell her or I don't, I will have regrets no matter what.

>>8514487
That's life. Decide which regret you can live with easiest.

Why do you want her to know?

>>8514498
I don't know. Since we started this conversation all I've felt is how selfish it is of me to want to tell her now of all times.

I want to tell her because she's my mom, she raised me and I care about her a lot despite her weird ideas about homos. She may not have always been the best mom but she's important to me. I always intended to tell my parents eventually and I don't like the idea of her dying without knowing who I really am...

>>8514511
It's not wrong to be selfish, but if you aren't selfish enough later as well then the pain of regret happens. You can be happy telling her as long as you keep thinking that was the right thing to do regardless of what she felt or not telling her as long as you keep thinking sacrificing telling her was right. It's the conflict of not knowing which is right that will be painful.

You can care about her without sharing everything with her and no-one can ever "really know who you are" because there's much more than just your orientation to you and probably many things you'll never share with the same person, or even anyone. For example would you say someone doesn't know who you really are if they know you're gay but don't know if you're top or bottom?

>>8514524
I guess you have made some good points... I need to think on this some more before I decide what I want to do.

Thank you for your replies. You didn't make me feel any better, but you definitely helped me.

>>8514440
Don't do it.

>>8514440
Let the poor fucker die in peace without you ruining their last moments. Just let them die. Jesus Christ this makes me sick.

>>8514440
You better be afraid boi, when we all leave the Simulation she's gonna be waiting for you

>>8514440
its kind of selfish to not have the balls to tell her but now she has cancer your like "oh shit she is about to expire better stoke the stove"

>>8515008
>its kind of selfish to not have the balls to tell her
lolwut, how is that selfish?

>Don't tell
>Mom dies all happy
>denied heaven because she raised a sodomite
>never gotten the chance to repent for her sin
Don't tell her OP.

No don't tell her. Just let it be.

>>8514440
Tell her you're straight and that you've found God. It's best to let them remain ignorant and happy.

>>8514440
If she is dying the last thing she needs to know is that you take it up the ass.

>>8514440
I had the same situation with my grandmother. Didn't tell her, and so happy I did because the last thing she needed in her life was more pain.

>>8514440
The best choice is always not to come out

>>8515913
>Didn't tell her, and so happy I did

Did you tell her, or not?

>>8515913
Grandparents barely count. I've had 3 die so far and never told them i was gay.
I wouldn't tell my parents if they didn't know either though.
Maybe if i had a secret bf i might just tell them that i met someone possibly or something like that. I don't think I'd come out though, there's no point in making it a big fuss.

>>8515995
>waitng until your mother who is anti-gay has terminal cancer to tell her that you like the schlong in your bum

The absolute madman, this has to be the epitome of trolling someone. Make sure you get it on camera, upload it, and share the link here. If we are going to be sadistic fuckers then lets do it right.

>>8516102
Whoops, meant to quote OP.

>>8514440
Hey, for maximum lulz wait until the minute before she dies on her deathbed. That way you make sure she has the maximum ammount of regret, disappointment, and pain before cancer takes her away.

>>8514440
>Is it better to just let her die in peace without ever knowing

yes.

>>8514440
I probably wouldn't tell her, but if you want to be real with her, say something like: "This is the real me, and I want you to know this because I love you and want you to know this so I can be the closest to you I've ever been before you pass."

Some cheesy shit like that, but if she is way to religious then maybe don't tell her. And just let her pass away without these thoughts.

>it bothers me that she will die without every knowing who i really am

but she will because you tell her that you are gay.

come on. she won't know after you told her.

i am cis white male and more on the introvert side, so maybe i just don't get this. but your sexuality is a part of who you are, but it does not define you. as your color of hair does not define you. or whatever biological mark you want to find.

it simply doesn't matter.

so the question is, why is it so important to you to tell her? probably because you want to be accepted by her, because you lived a lie somehow by not telling your parents. i wouldn't know. but you should ask and answer that question for yourself.

which implies, ironically, that you don't know yourself. which leads me back to the beginning: just because you are gay she won't you know better, she will only know more about you. but that is a huge difference.

but then again, i'm just a privileged white cis male who was kicked out of the house at the age 7, so i never had difficulties talking to my parents, because they just weren't there. and yes, i get a little mad over such bullshit problems.

>>8516217

i forget to add: in my opinion it would be the best to write a letter which you hand over at the grave. write it all down. why you had difficulties telling her etc.

you can get it off your chest and if she is still hoovering around she can read her letter.

on the other hand i think it is always a kind of betrayal to other lgbt guys to stay in the closet. because the more of you become honest about your sexuality, the sooner it will be accepted as natural

>>8516217
>kicked out of the house at the age 7

I'm finding this hard to believe

>>8516262

most people do. because they had a really hard life and stuff, and the hardness in their life was that their crush was dating someone else and bs. or not coming out. and if you would put that into perspective, that life wouldn't be hard at all. so you better don't believe that.

one tip: embrace the pain and eventually after some time it will cease.

thinking about how shitty it is that your parents are anti-gay etc. wwon't do anything for you but add to your suffering.

and next time, please focus on the important part of the post. not the part that has absolutltey nothing to do with the topic.

>>8515974
Didnt tell her, haha
>>8515995
My grandmother raised me so she was essentially my parent, should have made that more clear

>>8516217
>>8516332
Not OP, what did you get kicked out for?

>>8516332
So you just lived on the street at 7?
Were you a bacha bazi boy?

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>>8514440
Okay bro I got you. You see the problem is that you both want to tell your mom, but you also want her to die happy despite knowing her son is a dick sucking little faggot, right?

See all you need to do is 2 simple things to ensure she both knows and can die a happily. First you tell her that you are a pathetic dick sucking little shit who goes against everything she believes in, who will never give her grand children and who will never contribute anything to society and cursed her to eternal damnation in hell just by giving birth to you.
You got that done? Okay now she probably hates you and herself, crying to god about what she did wrong that he would punish her by giving her this satanic abomination spawn. But dont worry, we got this. Now you simply go outside, take your car to the busiest near highway possible and try to get into the most brutal car crash.
Now that will probably kill you but its okay, your life was worthless anyway and society is better off without you. But upon hearing that you died your mom will finally be able to rejoice. That faggot hellspawn that plagued her her entire life is finally gone! God has finally given her a sign about forgiveness just moments before he called her to him! She will die having full confidence that she has the favor of god and will gladly and confidently accept his call.

See, it's that easy. You can thank me later, bro.

>>8514440
>extremely religious and anti-gay
do it, she deserves to feel sad for being an asshole