Do you suffer from lost time? Gaps in your development?

>>8511138
Not at all. I hated my childhood. I wouldn't even want a female one back, since I was afraid of one when I was younger, hence why I didn't transition earlier.

I am happy I transitioned now and am glad to be a grown up finally. I don't even mind growing old into 50+

>>8511148
>since I was afraid of one when I was younger
???

>>8511195
I considered seeing a therapist and going the official route. But I was so afraid of wearing girl clothing in public, changing schools trying to present as a girl and be put into female spaces. So I just didn't go for it. I was in elementary school at that time.

>>8511209
Why were you afraid of it?

How did you know you wanted to transition at that age?

>>8511280
Because I knew it was wrong to do so. I've seen old ass documentaries about transvestites and such before and the stigma is horrible. I hated the feeling of trying to hide my old self.

I had wishes of being a girl my whole life. I learned about Kim Petras at some point, when I was like 9 and informed myself on what hormones are and how transitioning medically is possible this early. Before I thought it was a thing for adults. But I seperated myself from early transitioners in my mind, because I was afraid of change. So I just told myself I'm not trutrans and tried to move on with my life.

I came out to my parents at one point, but they were not supportive and told me to wait for puberty, which I did. I still swore to myself I would transition at 18, when I didn't need my parents approval anymore. I did, how I swore to myself and here I am. A freshly baked trutrans tranny.

My point is, early transitioning is scary as fuck and back then I didn't have the guts to pull through with it. Also I knew we would have to move and I knew that was too much to ask from my family.

>>8511300
>I had wishes of being a girl my whole life. I learned about Kim Petras at some point, when I was like 9
Can you run through the wishes you had and how they affected you, like finding out about Kim leading you to hormones, from the earliest you remember?

>>8511348
You're in luck. I had to write a biography to my insurance about this just a few months ago, to get allowance for VFS. I'll just translate all the parts that matter.

One time in kindergarten I wanted to try to play house with other children. We were one girl two boys. So I was asked:
>Do you want to be the child?
>no
>Do you want to be the father?
>no
>Well then what else do you want to be?
I ran away.

I had a bunch of rituals where I would say to myself
>If I do this specific task I'll magically turn into a girl
So there was like a passage of vines the kids were able to run through. I spent my whole day running through it, telling myself it would work.
Going to sleep was a ritual aswell. Every morning I would check on my bottom to check if I turned into a girl over night. Sometimes I prayed before going to sleep. It never worked.

The first time I tried to go to the bathroom I followed the other girls. A kindergardener stopped me and told me I couldnt go in there. I was pretty confused.

Don't even get me started on girls morphing in Digimon or way later on the scene in One Piece with Ivankov and that guy with the railgun, even though that is way later.

I basically spent my whole childhood wishing to be a girl and like a caterpillar I built myself a big cocoon of videogames and drugs until I was ready to do so.

As kids we even roleplayed as cocoon Pokemon.

>>8511382
This is golden.

>Every morning I would check on my bottom to check if I turned into a girl over night.
You'd check on your bottom?

>It never worked.
;_;

File: 20170628_190732.jpg (155KB, 600x1000px) Image search: [Google]

155KB, 600x1000px

>>8511402
looked at my dick, hoping to see a vag pretty much

I just realized there's more. For example my favorite toy was a pokemon plushy. I really was into that as a kid. But my favourite pokemon wasn't pikachu or something, it was fkn clefairy. I used to have a special voice when I roleplayed as her. She was obviously female and I tried to emulate my mums voice when acting as her. I spent a SHITTON of time playing with her. She was kind of a valve to vent off steam. She went on adventures and did girly stuff, like raising children and looking out for the younger pokemon. I took her everywhere. She was like a counterpart to my soul.

I remember one time, my first school vacation on some island here in Germany. We were visiting girls in their rooms and they had nail polish out. They were like
>hey boys, wanna try some nailpolish?
So my friends were like, ya sure LUL
I quietly sit down and painted my nails. Both hands, while my friends did one nail and were like
>GAY LUL
I quickly realized I should stop and cleaned it off again.

>>8511138
>lost time
???

>>8511138
I spent about 2 years getting high and drunk just about every day largely due to depression (also because it feels great)
now I'm 7 months on hrt and almost graduated but I'm still sad at how much time I wasted gaining nothing and spending a ton of money

>>8511382
Right in the feels

>>8511138
I feel like I've done absolutely nothing with my life during my 20s and pre-18 I basically just coasted through life as a mindless zombie with no plans for the future.
Even some of my friends that were total drug addicts seem to have better lives than I do.

>>8511382
Shit you got insurance for vfs?

>>8511138
I realised I was trans at a young age, though I had limited understanding of what it meant for me at the time. Unfortunately, I was in a very conservative environment at the time and they worked off the assumption that I was an effeminate gay. I got bullied and isolated for the first 16 years of my life. It is safe to say I had no friends.

Funnily enough, all the rubbish people put me through for being effeminate led to me becoming a strong and aggressive adolescent. Everyone who picked on me started to back off and for once I actually felt safe. Not to mention all the gay guys were into me, which was nice.

For about 3 years I was in a massive state of conflict, I was so insecure about my internal femininity and desire to be female. But I felt so safe as the person I was.

I had my first and only girlfriend at 19, she wasn't like the guys before her, she actually liked me as a person and I couldn't help but come out to her as trans. She supported me though everything and today we're happily engaged.

She brought me out of a very dark time, and while I wish I could change my past I actually barely remember it now. I feel like I was born when I met her and that my life is improving bits at a time.

I suppose my answer to your question is yes, my past was very damaging to me while it was occurring, but now I the only damage I feel from it is the effects that it had on my body. Were my body passing right now, I doubt that I would have and significant issues stemming from that time.