Bigen

Are bi biscum or masterrace?

Is it normal to get aroused hearing your friend talk about a time he had sex? Is there any way to know if I'm getting aroused from the nonspecific imagery of sex or if it's because it's him?

https://discord.gg/qp9S2S5
we chill in this place sometimes

>>8499325

If that's not normal then I'm not normal.

>>8499368
but does it mean you're sexually attracted to him, and if they knew would that make them uncomfortable?

Are all bisexuals unattractive?

I feel like it's a stereotype.

Unfortunately I don't do too much to dispel it.

>>8499434

Hmm... I've only ever experienced it with friends I'm secure with (generally also the friends I talk about sex with). Like "our friendship is too good to even consider sex/romance" ya know?

I think it's a mix of finding them attractive in the moment and getting aroused talking about sex. I can get aroused by even the vaguest discussions of sex so I don't read too much into it when it happens to me.

If you're constantly leaking arousal and fantasizing about them when in their presence then you're probz into them. And they might be slightly weirded out esp if they're 100% not into your gender and a prudish vanilla person.

>>8499435
I'm bisexual and pretty gross, but some of us are really gorgeous, it varies.

>>8499476
>Hmm... I've only ever experienced it with friends I'm secure with (generally also the friends I talk about sex with). Like "our friendship is too good to even consider sex/romance" ya know?
It's the same for me. This guy is my closest friend and he also considers himself straight, but even if he wasn't I've always consciously thought that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him because he's too important to me to want to risk losing that.
But at the same time I get hugboners and hearing him describe what he's like having sex got me hard, even though consciously I don't want to have sex with him. I'm too insecure and uncertain to trust that my thought-based judgements accurately represent my feelings though.

But that being said, is it normal to be friends with people you consider sexually attractive? I feel like it's more of an issue for bis because there's a theoretical larger proportion of society that you could be sexually attracted to. With this friend for example, the reason I wanted to talk to him in the first place was because I thought he was cute. I wasn't thinking anything more than that, I certainly wasn't plotting to go out with him or anything like that. He mentioned having a girlfriend pretty early on and from that point I stopped considering anything sexual as being even remotely a possibility. That was over a year ago and since then we've basically become best friends. I've never told him that I thought he was cute, not sure if I even should or if that would make it weird

>>8499554
2
We do hug a lot, sometimes while sitting down and for long periods of time which I guess could even be considered borderline cuddling. I realize it's a bit more physical than most conventional friendships, but at the same time I don't want to kiss him or anything more that that. Part of me wants to have a conversation about what he considers the boundaries to be, since even though he goes along with it and doesn't seem to mind I'm still self conscious about it - yet at the same time I'm a little worried that drawing so much attention to it could make him uncomfortable about it altogether and no longer want to do it at all

Only just starting to really come into my sexuality and it feels really good
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just gay though because most women don't arouse me anymore but at the same time most men don't either.
I like really feminine people near the extremes

>>8499586
I'm only into feminine guys and 'masculine' (aka independent, self-sustaining) girls if that makes you feel any better

>>8499560

My usual route is to just enjoy the casual homoeroticisms and not read too much into them. Although then that sucks for when you're not single and you have to question like "is this appropriate?" If there's one reason I wish I was straight or gay is that I'd love to 100% believably platonically cuddle with friends.

>> hug a lot, sometimes while sitting down and for long periods of time

Wellllll. If my friend did that I would definitely question their sexuality (kind of like a friend of mine from HS who I'm fb friends with just WAITING for them to come out - she cuddled with a lot of girls and was always obsessed about bringing up my sexuality).

But in terms of maintaining friendship+cuddles not sure if you should bring it up or not. Would he be close with you like that in front of a gf?

>>8499586

I question my sexuality still, too. It helps to see and interact with a diverse group of different people, even just in passing.

Reminds me that I do kind of have types that I'm into (aka are my 'kryptonite') even if at the end of the day I'm not that picky and can become attracted to people I was initially ambivalent of because I like their energy/personality/whatever.

>>8499611
It does actually. I do feel like now question all my past attractions maybe I was just a really horny teen? Because I wanted to fuck all the girls the guy thing was just in the background creeping in
At first I swear to God I thought it was just a fetishistic thing and with my porn addiction easy to explain away.
>>8499667
May I ask out of curiosity about what your types are?

>>8499290
both?

>>8499435
is it? I am friends with several cute bi girls but also a few not cute bi people. Figured it was just normal.

>>8499435
Lol no. You're crazy

>>8499586
i get paranoid that sometimes i dont actually find guys attractive as i notice that i generally find the average girl more attractive than the average guy. but then i see a super cute guy and realize i want to be with him and cuddle with him for eternity.

>>8499710

My types... I can't really explain my male type. I don't have a good celebrity reference, but I guess I like the sporty but short kind of guys? Usually white or light-skinned but not always. idkkkkkk It's so hard to explainnnnnnn. Ref pic is Dylan O'Brien looking kind of like what I'm talking about.

For women, MOC (masculine of center) even if only a little bit and super confident-acting. Chubby is good, but so is fit. Style can be punk-y or dapper-y. Lol. Ref pic is from a google search of "butch asian".

I generally like brunettes with brown eyes of either sex and almost any ethnicity, but that's more general and less my "kryptonite types" or whatevs.

Also sexy voices like women with Laura Prepon-type or super masc men with unexpectedly high voices (not gay lisp but I guess it could still make them be read as gay idk).

(btw I'm female)

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>>8499841

>> no ref pic

>>8499643
1/3
>Wellllll. If my friend did that I would definitely question their sexuality
We've talked about it a bit. When I first met him I wondered if he was gay because he's a bit of a twink and has an effeminate personality, but he doesn't act flamboyant or anything. He's had a few girlfriends in the time I've known him but this latest one is the first he's had sex with.

>was always obsessed about bringing up my sexuality
Perhaps not the same situation, but there was a point where we were still getting to know each other where he pretty blatantly asked 'what's your sexuality', as part of a larger conversation where he was talking about how he's comfortable talking about sexuality with people. At the time I didn't really know (long story short, a shitton of repression and denial that has led to not really consciously thinking of anyone sexually) which was a bit weird to explain.
Point being, he told me about how people assume he's gay a lot and there was a point where he was super insecure about his effeminacy (which he still is partly), and he wished he could just be gay because it would be easier than girls treating him like 'the gay friend' even though he wasn't. So he tried using gay porn and it didn't get him hard, and therefore he believes he's not gay. I realize that that isn't a particularly extensive soul search (especially since porn is so superficial and doesn't really have the context of a relationship), perhaps there's more to it that he didn't tell me but either way that's his reasoning for why he considers himself straight

>>8499856
2/3
>Would he be close with you like that in front of a gf?
I never got to ask that - I didn't start long-period cuddling him until they broke up like 2 weeks ago (I didn't start specifically because they had broken up, but because I wanted to try anything to make him feel better, which ended up being hugging him like that while he just sat there thinking or writing down how he was feeling). They met up just yesterday at her house and talked about shit for a long time to try and clear things up, which eventually lead to breakup sex (which is the thing he described to me that made me ask all of this in the first place). So even without asking him, it's pretty clear that he considers what we do to be different to the cuddling they did which lead to that. I don't know if it's just the emotions behind it while the physical side is 'mechanically' the same. He mentioned one point where she just sat next to him touching shoulders and how he considered that more than just platonic, yet at the same time I've rested on his shoulders for like half a year and have even lied in his lap before and he's been comfortable with it. So I think to him it might be more about the emotions behind it than the physical acts themselves (until it gets to kissing or something more explicitly sexual, probably)

I do notice that at times me hugging him has been pretty one sided - but it isn't exclusively, and the few times we've done it he's been doing other stuff at the same time and pretty preoccupied with thoughts about the breakup so I don't want to read into that too much. After last night he seems to be more content about ending things with her rather than stressed or regretful - perhaps next time he won't be as preoccupied, so it'll be interesting to see if he reciprocates differently.

>>8499861
3/3
I'm definitely self conscious about hugging in general though - eg another friend who I hadn't seen for 6 months, who I ran up and hugged as soon as I saw him - and straight afterwards he introduced me to his boyfriend, that was standing next to him the whole time. That was when I found out he was gay in the first place (and that he was probably into me in the past without me realizing it) so that whole experience was really surreal. His bf seemed to talk and interact with me fine that night, plus they did plenty of hand holding and kissing in front of everyone so I guess he might not be too bothered by a quick greeting hug but I was definitely worried about it at first. That friend then initiated a goodbye hug so it mustn't have been that big an issue to the bf. If I didn't know he had a bf I probably would have hugged him a couple more times over the night. Now that I know, if I saw him again at a thing without his boyfriend I'd probably still ask before doing it just to make sure it was okay. I don't think I would cuddle him like I do my best friend though, but we're also not as close so that wouldn't just be because of him having a bf. If we actually got together I would, but I don't consider that an option worth spending any time thinking about at the moment

>>8499856
>At the time I didn't really know (long story short, a shitton of repression and denial that has led to not really consciously thinking of anyone sexually)

Can I just take a moment outside of the current issue of your straight boy problems that oh-em-gee I empathize with this so much.

Some combo of being or feeling shamed for sexuality&attraction in a general sense, growing up feeling ugly, and internalizing certain societal messages of (in my case) female sexuality due to aforementioned reasons. And perhaps just being a late bloomer in general. idk man.

>>8499256
Why isn't there a representation for wizards huh

you virginophobe

>>8499763
Yes Omg that's spot on but it turns off and on for me like a light switch

>>8499925
A huge part of my issues stem from the fact I've grown up in a religious family where not only is 'no sex before marriage' dictated and nudity in general shunned (let alone porn), but I got told off when I was 12 simply for looking up pictures of genitals in a non-sexual context just because I wanted to know what they looked like (my dad thought I was using it as porn, that hadn't occurred to me at the time but he still thought I was lying and got pretty mad).
In high school I had a few crushes on girls, but it was always about "I want to spend the rest of my life with that person" and not about the sexual side. If the thought of them came up while masturbating, I would physically stop until I wasn't thinking about them anymore because I felt too guilty.
So there's a huge amount of guilt surrounding sex. I've never used porn to masturbate. If I think of anything (which I don't always), it's either the act of masturbation itself or (rarely) characters from shit that are in an established emotional relationship (usually gay).
When I talked to my best friend about sexuality shit he suggested I should look up porn just to see if it does anything for me. I went on every single porn board on 4chan, and the only things that got me remotely aroused were masturbation. The whole experience was pretty uncomfortable because even though I don't consider myself religious anymore, there's still a lot of ingrained guilt surrounding looking at porn - I was looking behind my back a lot, reducing the size of windows, etc.
It's been suggested by multiple people that I could be asexual, but I've never really been comfortable with that since I'm not entirely convinced it's a real thing and deep down I don't really think I'm devoid of all sexual attraction, just that I didn't understand it or how to interpret it.

1/2

>>8500088
2/2
When I found out that gay friend was actually gay and thought back to when we used to hang out, I realized he probably used to be into me and I had acted in a way that he could have considered flirting. It made me wonder if I had missed a chance with him and it occurred to me that I'm probably sexually attracted to him, since I'm genuinely interested in what it would be like to do sexual things with him and those thoughts get me aroused.
Similarly, hearing my best friend talk about having sex with his gf, it made me realize that I actually cared about knowing what sex with a girl was like - not with him. But at the moment there's currently no girls I know that I can project those thoughts onto.

So I'm starting to realize that perhaps I don't think of anyone sexually until there's an emotional relationship established first. There are both guys and girls who I consider to be visually attractive, but that doesn't instantly translate to 'gives me a boner' unless I care about them on a deeper emotional level.
If demisexual was a real thing or at least a widely understood/accepted identity I'd probably just call myself that - but based on my understanding, while those emotional conditions are true for some people (like myself I guess) I don't consider those attraction conditions to be a sexuality in and of itself, just an additional facet of het/homo/bi sexuality. Which is what's led me to believe that bi is still the most accurate label to describe my state of existence

this was the last essay blogpost, I promise

>>8500090
It's an interesting perspective to read, please dont feel bad about long posts

>>8500090
I agree with a lot that you have to say. And sympathize with a lot of it, although never felt the same shame around porn and masturbation. Although I do avoid most visual porn now, due to not wanting to get caught and also worrying about the well-being of the actors, and when I watch it prefer faceless (unless they're known porn stars) so I don't have to worry about the actors image.

I feel like it's hard to quantify sexual attraction, especially with the repressed-in-generalness.

Dating helps, in terms of figuring stuff out. My last LTR helped me figure out my sexuality more. Although I'm fugly so I'm avoiding that ATM, even though I wonder if I should still try...

Any other bis like the thought of polygamy? So you can get both sexes at once.

>>8499710
I'm attracted to more men than women, but I find women to be more attractive in general, if that makes any sense. Also, I have a long-term girlfriend so I don't desire girls nearly as much as I get the hots for guys.

Also, I'm ftm, so I'm generally less interested in actually sleeping with girls because dysphoria caused by the mirrorring of my body in a woman.

>>8500090
I didn't start experiencing legitimate sexual attraction until after I started having sex, even if I've had a pretty high libido since my early teens. I didn't look at people and go "please fug me" until pretty recently.

I definitely think demi is a useful definition on a personal level, like, if you understand how your own sexuality functions then that's great, but it's not a very useful label as far as sharing with others goes because if you're not the demisexual person yourself, then demisexuality is entirely indistinguishable from sexual behaviour that excludes casual sex.

As for porn, I can sort of relate. I haven't been ashamed in a long, long time for liking sex and porn, but there's a disconnect between the fantasies I've fostered for ages now and what I actually find arousing in real life. I've only gotten off on someone else's touch like, thrice, and even if it likely has to do with my dysphoria I definitely think that the large amounts of illustrated porn and written erotica I've consumed contributes. I'm trying to bridge that gap, because it honestly kind of sucks feeling more statisfied from your own touch than being with someone you love/find attractive. Especially when that satisfaction is much more short lived than what someone else can provide is.

>>8500252
I am committed to a girl, but I sleep around with guys. It's a deal we made together because she wanted to encourage me exploring my sexuality, which I'm very thankful for.
I don't think I could do poly on an emotional level, though. I would never feel okay having to rank my partners like that and I'd have to, because fact is that I'll always put her first.

I do have plenty of friends who're poly, and more specifically I have a handful of friends who're relationship anarchists.

>>8500273
>relationship anarchists
what now

>>8500273
I don't like the thought of sleeping around. I only want to sleep with people I'm emotionally connected to, and the idea of poly feels like having a relationship with two best friends.

>>8500279
>I only want to sleep with people I'm emotionally connected to
Do you consider this to be abnormal or uncommon at all? Do you think a 'demisexual' label is necessary?

>>8500286
I don't know really. Of all my gender weirdness it's the least interesting so I don't think or care much about whether it should have a label. I guess so just for convenience?

Is friends with benefits ever a good idea or does that lead to one person inevitably becoming romantically attached?

>>8500252
Very much dislike it.
I don't think it suits me at all.
Still does sound at least interesting on paper.

>>8500385
Doesn't suit you how? Interesting on paper in what way?

>>8500252
Completely put off by the idea, would break up with hypothetical bf/gf if they ever pushed it as an idea.

>>8500462
Why?

>>8500252
Poly disgusts me tbqh. Romantic love is something between two people, there is no room for 'sharing' as far as I am concerned.

>>8500485
It's not sharing, it's mutual love, not dividing it up!

>>8500530
free love is bullshit

nobody has an inf. amount of time on this Earth and thus anyone's attention to any given person has to be divided accordingly. To attempt the bold-faced lie that I can give an equal amount of attention to people I won't equally fancy (because news flash, everyone's different and no amount of self-denial will change the way your heart feels) is playing the long-con of high indifference to people's oft transient emotions especially if you're not living in a fucking tribe.

Never met a single poly who wasn't either a pie in the sky hippy who believed in meme forces over their own feelings or a psychopath with a desire for effective slaves and an expectation for you to be monogamous while they stay poly.

>>8500589
You give different attention to them both just like you don't give the same attention to two different friends.

>>8500278
Nothing promised, nothing broken, pretty much. At least as far as I've understood it.

>>8500589
Successful poly relationships, as far as I've seen, never push the idea of all equal as much as they focus on different types of love being valuable in different ways. Just like I have different types of friends I can have different types of lovers, hypothetically. I think smaller poly communes can be valuable; introducing a third adult to an otherwise traditional family, for example, definitely seems like it'd come with benefits. I have a lot of respect for those who pull it off, just like I have a lot of respect for people who do strict monogamy (no flirting/desiring/etc.). There's definitely something to be said for dividing emotional energy, though I think it's a matter of personal preference more than anything; there's nothing objectively wrong about loving a lot of people dearly but somewhat more shallowly than loving a single person deeply and exclusively.

>>8500743
Examples of different loves in poly?

>>8500726
>>8500743
>never push the idea of all equal as much as they focus on different types of love being valuable in different ways

All the animals graze equally, just some graze more equally than others! It never fails, every single time!

You're fools blubbering excuses at me. You can't define love and attention as equally valuable - or equally valued - across every spectrum of situation you will ever be in in life and all your thought process leads to is pick-and-chooseism with partner swapping. With no respect toward the way your changeable and flighty desires have an impact upon others.

>>8500804
Is your friendship with all your friends the same kind of friendship?

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tfw you forget to check which thread tab you're open to
I'm sorry

>>8500824
>muh rhetoricals

Why do you people try to pick brains instead of debating like an adult? It doesn't matter how you tell yourself you divide up love or tell yourself every partnership is friends with benefits+++ turbo pack. You're only lying to your own feelings in the long run.

Everyone wants to settle down sometime or another. Good luck, anon.

>>8500834
>Everyone wants to settle down sometime or another.
I want to now with two people I can love and cherish.

>>8500834
>>8500804
Just because you can't get into something doesn't mean it's bad for everyone. Technically, me sleeping around while being committed is also a form of non-monogamy. I have needs I couldn't reasonably expect my gf to fulfill, and we'd both rather I go elsewhere for that than break up what is otherwise a great relationship filled with love and potential just so I can chase after the imaginary perfect partner. Just like I have things I share with my friend but not with my girlfriend, and she has interests i don't always get. We are two independent people, joined by a very strong bond, we're not a single unit and expecting to only ever need that One Person to "complete" you is honestly a bit silly, if not entirely unrealistic.

I have no interest in committing emotionally like that to more than one person, but if I didn't have anyone else to confine in, I would suffocate. It's like those old guys who get divorced and suddenly have no friends because they put all their emotions with their wives. In that aspect, having a sex life outside of our relationship has made our bond a lot stronger.

Again, not for everyone. I did briefly try a more typical approach to poly relationships that ended pretty badly (though it was not a very good relationship to begin with), and for some people having just that one person is enough. It takes work, and challenging your perception of emotions and relationships, but saying that it flat out will never work is just not true.

>>8501033
>and expecting to only ever need that One Person to "complete" you is honestly a bit silly, if not entirely unrealistic.
>tfw polygamist and expecting two people to complete me

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>>8501452
2nded. Relationships are already hard... juggling more people is too much. Like having ten kids, sure, ya can do it, but whyyyyyy.

>>8500252

I thought the majority of poly relationships weren't trios like A = B = C but were more commonly some combo of the following: partner A and partner B are life partners, partner A has a fwb, a girlfriend, and an on-again-off-again bf. Partner B has a girlfriend. Partner A and B have one mutual bf, even though they don't always sleep all together.

Would I go poly just to get both sexes/many genders at once? No. Maybe to split the rent of a studio 3 ways, though ;). The pros don't outweigh the cons for me. Also I'm pretty fugly so just getting one person to stay around me for an amount of time is an accomplishment.

Of course I've fantasized about having 2 hot people fall in love with me and each other and we have a 100% perfect union and soulmates and support each other and whatnot... but that's because of reading shitty fanfiction, not my real expectations in life.

I'm not opposed to all non-traditional life arrangements but at the end of the day life and relationships is too messy already to me.

>>8501033
>It's like those old guys who get divorced and suddenly have no friends

I like this argument.

Although ugh any relationship with partners with no friends (or no non-mutuals) is doomed imo.

>>8500417
I have always been insecure about being good enough and with multiple people there are more reasons i can conjure to justify that belief im trying to dispel
interesting on paper cause, i just find it hard to imagine working well but when you hear of cases where it does i always just want to know more i guess.

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>>8500252
That's boner of the year for me.

Get some attractive girl with good genes to have my child and some sort of cute twink with dependancy complex I can wrap my finger around (and put my dick into).

Get to be the dominate one in 2 relationships, practically drooling here.

>>8502119
>Of course I've fantasized about having 2 hot people fall in love with me and each other and we have a 100% perfect union and soulmates and support each other and whatnot...
It is a fantasy but I'd be willing to try it if I got the chance.

>Partner A and B have one mutual bf, even though they don't always sleep all together.
This is the bit that I like. But I'd be happy in a situation where the three of us sleep together by default and my two partners have other relationships they also sleep with. But for my dream to come true I don't need to as well.

>>8499256
Nothing you described past bisexual actually exists, that's why it has no representation.

>>8502447

I love listing everything, even though idgaf about the differences people perceive between the different words.

I do think there is some validity to the bi/pansexual debate, being somewhat less completely irrelevant than the allo/demisexual debate, even if both frustrate me to no end.

Besides the "existence" of different orientations, I think we could make a linguistic argument that:

hetero::homo, hetero+homo:: ???

hetero = different
homo = same
bi = 2 VS. omni/pan = all

>>8502312
> yes 1 small harem plz

>Pansexual, Polysexual, Omnisexual, Queer, Sexual(ly) Fluid,
How about you fuck off and die instead?
We don't want you attention-whoring cunts here.

>>8502533
How about you stop acting like you're the queen mother?

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>>8502533

next thread will additionally incl: Ambisexual, Not-Straight-But-Not-Gay, Manysexual, Multisexual, and Idgafag

At the moment I feel like I don't care about sex with someone unless I'm already in an emotionally grounded relationship with them first
but I'm also a virgin
is it possible that once I've actually had sex I won't hold it in such high regard, and will care more just about getting sex than the emotional side of relationships? Has anyone else experienced that change of heart?

>>8503856

Yes, once you have sex you won't hold it in such a high regard.

Whether that means you'll sleep with someone after the 1st/2nd/3rd date, month, or year will depend on your experience and personality.

Dudes who like 'masc' men really like me being bi and some have even asked about my experiences with girls. Then there's the guys who try to convince me that I'm just confused. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

why is it that I want to have no strings attached sex with openly gay men, yet, want to make a relationship with women? I know this cements the Biscum idea, but...that's what I want. My ultimate sexual fantasy is a bigger male to have his way with me, the have his way with my girlfriend. Am I weird?

>>8503856
After losing virginity I really just wanted to have a similar experience WITH that emotional bond and yeah it has lessened the importance of sex in my mind I guess but I think it's just a character thing like the other anon said. People will all be different. Maybe you'll think of it the exact same way.

>>8505464
So was your first time just a random hookup, and after that it made you want to know what it was like with more genuine emotions behind it?

>>8505428
As weird as 60% of bi guys who consider gay relationships as a joke. For you people, gay sex is just a kink, and, frankly, you shouldn't part of the LBGT community since you're mostly hetero IMHO.

>>8506249
The fact that we often end up in male/female relationships has more to do with statistics and convenience than anything else.
The fact that so many bi people chose not to fight for their same-sex romances is a tragedy, not proof of our supposed straightness.

>>8506249
>60%
where did you get that number from?

>>8499256
Bi guy here
> in a long term gay relationship
Should i get a gay tattoo or would that nuke my chances of women in the future

>>8506294
>Should i get a gay tattoo
for what purpose?

>>8506283
...come on, just read any bi threads on any lbgt (non-SJW) sites: majority of bi guys just want to fucked twinks or get fucked by manly/masc/buff bulls. No romance, no kiss involved.
That's why I should correct myself: it's more 80% than 60%.

>>8506273
you also forget the reproductive reason (="muh i want children"), whist that more and more (westerner) countries legalize adoption by same-sex couples. Even when bi people have the choice, they still go for a straight relationship.

>>8506524
As a trans person who's just now started to pass, I can't tell you how much easier it is to make the choice not to be weird and queer when I can avoid it.

I'd love to be in a gay relationship, my current partner is a girl, though, and I'm okay with that. Not gonna break up with her for something like that. But fact is that I separate myself from the crowd when I talk about liking guys or being trans. It's small stuff, and it didn't used to bother me when I didn't have an option. I am proud of who I am, but it makes me That Trans Guy in people's minds, and some days I just want to blend into the crowd.

Dating straight is easier, deal with it.

How do you make up your mind?

>Long term relationship with gf
>LITERALLY CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT COCK
>Eyeing every hunky guy that walks past me

>Going out with dudes
>Cheat on them with a girl first time I get drunk
or
>Chicken out and stop talking to them


I've thought about dating two people at once (M&F) but if I struggle to keep a relatioship with a single person, how would I fare in a polyamorous relationship?

>>8507330
>find open minded and loving partner
>see how it goes, talk about your personal and physical desire to be involved with more than one person of one sex
>discuss solutions and find one that would make you both feel comfortable (open relationship, you can fuck others but only with your partners approval, threesomes, cucking, etc.)
>???
>profit

>>8506294
If I keep my legs shaven for an entire year, start epilating and have more sex with guys then I might get a pink tattoo on my foot like the princess bitch I am.

fucking celebrity members.

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>>8499256

Tfw bisexuality is so complicated.

I think I might be demisexual for girl because I don't feel much sexual attraction to them but I'm strongly attracted by the idea of a qt girlfriend.
And I have a friend (girl) which I'm really attracted to in the emotional level but I also want to make love with. And not just rough sex but really passionatly and makes her enjoy it.
In the other way I'm easily aroused by guys but I never loved a guy or find an emotional connection with. And I feel like I would have sex in a more selfish way with them. Just for my pleasure.

I watch practically only gay porn. In rare case I want to jerk off to girls but I find it more difficult to find a content that I like.
On top of that, anal sex out of porn and fantasy disgust me a little so I don't know if I could do it in real life.
And anyway I'm more interested in finding a relationship than a sex partner.

I don't see it but many people think I'm gay because I am a bit effeminate (which I don't like,neither for me neither for my partner+I would be a top).

I didn't come out yet because I'm still questioning my sexuality.
I am demisexual straight and gay sex is just a fantasm?
Or I might be gay since everybody think I am and I'm not sexually attracted to girls but guys.
Or I am bi but it is possible that I never love or have sex with a guy in my life..

>>8507833
>tldr. i'm bi
It'll become (slightly) less complicated once you accept it.
Don't pay attention to others opinions: most of the time, they're wrong, don't really know you (as much as yourself) & are misinformed.

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>tfw want to be cute and fem but also want to fuck women

>>8507721
yeah, cuz that's not gay
/sarc

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>>8507833
>demisexual
stopped reading right there

>>8505607
Exactly that.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
I WANT YOU TO SHOW ME
Basically
We fucked and it was like this felt pretty good but I felt bad after because there was no romance it was fast it wasnt really intimate it just happened and I did it
I really like kissing and I've kissed and held someone before and it felt infinitely better than that moment I wanted a mix of that and the sex
That's the real shit

>>8507920

Don't worry it was actually somewhat useful of a term here, since they were trying to explain their attractions.

In the absence of an emotional relationship, besides the obvious mechanical differences, how is sex any different to masturbation?

>>8507894
Ok but can I still be bi if I never get to love or have sex with guys in my life ?

>>8508512
That would be like saying all virgins are asexuals because 'how could they know otherwise'

>>8508511

Giving yourself a massage vs. getting a massage

>>8507330
sounds like you don't even love the person you are with

>>8508525
And is that different and better enough to justify the time spent seeking it out? I guess that's probably a matter of opinion

>>8508512
As you said , you're aroused by guys & you enjoy watching gay porn: that's definitely not straight. And since you're attracted romantically & physically to your female friend, welp, you're not gay neither.
(loving your sexual partner is not a requirement, whatever their gender, btw)

>>8508612
Are you arguing against casual sex or relationships in general?

>>8508545
They don't
They are Narcissists
They only care about themselves
That's why people call them Biscum

>>8508671
Does it make you less legitimately bi if you don't crush on guys as readily, as often, or as intensely as you crush on girls, and your sexual appetites similarly favors women (about 2-to-1)?
I'm not turned on by most mainstream straight porn either, but genuinely arousing gay porn filmed with actors seems impossible to find.
I just feel like fraud. Making out with the handful of guys I've done so with, I got hard just like with girls, and receiving head is no problem, but as soon as it comes time for me to perform, I tend to choke, and I'm not sure how much you can chalk up to nerves. I also had a hard time enjoying bottoming. It was only fun once, and I'm not sure I get anything out of the prostate (even at home). At my age it's just a huge embarrassment to hook up with a guy and be terrible at gay sex, and kind of a waste of time trying to find a guy I would actually date.

>>8508828
You can be any kind of bi and disliking any sex act doesn't change that. I'm bi and I'd be happy in a relationship where the most we do is make out and masturbate.

>>8508752
I'm not trying to argue against casual sex, I'm trying to figure it out
because I currently don't care about it or have any motivation to seek it out, but knowing that a lot of other people prioritize it and are motivated to seek it out is making me question if I'm 'meant' to want it, if that makes any sense

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>>8508828
Bisexuality is a spectrum: you don't have to be equally attracted (romantically or/and sexually) to each sex. Pic related.

>At my age it's just a huge embarrassment etc.
Say you're inexperienced beforehand, and find comprehensive hookups (or virgins): maybe it'll help more idk. That's fine too if you're comfortable without performing anal sex.

>genuinely arousing gay porn filmed with actors seems impossible to find
that's why I prefer amateur stuff: more diverse body shapes. I can relate more too. Check porn subreddits, tumblr (not joking). I'm less picky with straight porn.

>>8508841
Right, but you're desires are even for both men and women, as far as I can tell, I'm like a 2.25 on the Kinsey and I am completely uncertain whether I am capable of homoromantic feelings.

>>8508879
My desires are imbalanced depending on what I think about. For romance I want one sex, for attractiveness I like the other. You could point at who I'm attracted to and say I'm not bi at all, even though I'd rather date the sex that isn't that one.

>>8508868
But outside of "safe-spaces" and other welcoming legbutt scenarios, I fear that a straight-presenting, (mostly) average type like me will be challenged as a poser and a fetishist, that the bi male is a unicorn and even if I am the real thing, I am a pedestrian who can and will step out of the firing line when being lgbt is inconvenient, and will step into the spotlight when it is.
In other words, I am not gay/queer enough, and I shouldn't bother coming out unless it might serve to harm me enough to prove that I'm not doing it fir the attention/to feel special.
(All of this is exacerbated by the fact that I am white and my family isn't starving)

>>8508919
I'm a little confused. So the gender you more often find sexually exciting isn't the one you prefer in dating/everyday partnership/romantic pairings?

>>8508919
Virgin detected

>>8508936
in what way does saying that help anything

>>8508943
If you've never had sex then you're not going to know what you like, so wait until you do to decide what you are.
If you've never tasted ice cream then you're not going to know if you prefer chocolate or strawberry.

>>8508920
meh
lots of gays are straight-acting, and lots have a fetish for having sex with "straight" dudes. You don't have to act in a certain way, since whatever you do there WILL be haters. You will face hostility unless you stay in the closet: that's a part of the whole LBGT experience :^) There are enough decent people anyway, don't focus too much on the bad side

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>>8499256

>>8509007
are female bisexuals any different?

>>8508828
>Does it make you less legitimately bi if you don't [...]
>[...] feel like fraud

Feeling like a fraud is half of what bisexuality is about! Welcome to club.

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>>8509012

>>8508848

I don't seek out casual sex, even if/when I desire sex.

I might if I were a bit riskier or sexier. But atm the only sexy I am is bisexyyyyy ayy.

Don't completely shut yourself off from the idea of sex/relationships tho. I think the most "positive" environment to start having sex is with someone your dating who you can communicate with freely with mutual respect and whatnot. Do some safe sex acts a few times until you figure out the steps of:

> (attempt 1) owwww / this feels weird
> (2) or maybe that's good?
> (3) oh... hmm... not sure
> (4) actually yeah like that it's kind of nice
> (5) holy fuck I see why ppl love sex
> (6) meh that kind of sucked
> (7) dude that was fricken hot
> etc....

not necessarily in that order (or with all of those occurring at all)

>>8499586
If you have any attraction to women, or more properly any attraction to non-men, then you're not gay. It might help to think of yourself in more Kinsey-scale terms. Not every bi/pan/queer person is a perfectly centered 3; you can be elsewhere between 0 and 6 and still "count". Remember, your sexuality is for you to define and unless they're making your life easier labels aren't worth shit.

>>8509206
what does this one even mean?
What is the "what I really do" picture meant to convey?
does the church have anything specific against female bisexuals as opposed to lgbt in general?

>>8500252
It's not for that reason, and also note that polgygamy doesn't necessarily = dick AND pussy woohoo!, but I've always thought cuckolding was a waste of a perfectly good potential threeway. I know it's some people's kink but I don't get it.

>>8508972
Yes and no.

But 'experimenting' will help confirm muddled feelings of self-doubt, yes.

>>8509206
>what lesbians think I do
Quite the contrary; we are extremely aware that bi girls exist considering most of us live in horror of them. Replace it with a picture of a woman walking away from an anguished-looking woman and into a man's arms.

>>8508932
Yes, exactly.

>>8508936
>>8508972
I'm not being undecided.

>>8509207
>Don't completely shut yourself off from the idea of sex/relationships tho
That's what I've been thinking, the part that's getting me confused is whether I'm 'meant' to be actively seeking a relationship out or not. Because most of the time I don't even really think about it, but hearing about friends starting having sex with their partners makes me realize that I actually am interested in knowing what that's like - yet at the same time, seemingly contradictorily, I don't have any motivation to go and do anything that could lead to sex, be it in a relationship or otherwise.
It's like I'm holding two contradictory opinions at once and I'm mostly just confused

>>8509347
if you were meant to be doing something then you would be doing it.

>>8509356
makes sense, but what about the part of me that wants to know what it's like regardless? Is that just natural curiosity, and eventually at some point I'll either become motivated to seek it out or find myself in that situation without consciously trying and it's nothing worth worrying over?

>>8509371
your question reminds me of the old brain teaser about a runaway trolley car.
you can choose to jump off the trolley car and risk possible death, or you can remain on the trolley car and risk inevitable death.
in other words, doing nothing is still doing something and it has consequences even if you aren't "actively" choosing it.

>>8509412
Interesting way of putting it
I think at the moment my lack of motivation outweighs the curiosity. Even though that means spending more time 'missing out' and I'm aware of that, that thought doesn't seem to bother me enough to do otherwise I guess

>>8499435
No. The ones i know are fucking hot. But theres always the really ugly ones anywhere

>>8509452
Just be meta-cognizant about your feelings.

You may find yourself in love or in lust with someone. Idk your age, but I assume you're under 20? or really repressed.

I didn't really desire, past small crushes, ppl until I was 16ish and soon after that I fell deeply for this p-e-r-f-e-c-t chubby softbutch gal who didn't know I existed and I definitely fantasized romantically/sexually about her when prev all my fantasies were porn/romance books related. Confessed to liking her (cringeeee but I'm glad I did it) and was rejected. Slowly got over it. Then crushed on a new friend when I was 17ish. She liked me back. Like what. how. huh. Anyways, we dated and sexed and whatnot.

Since then I haven't been dramatically attracted to anyone, besides random strangers, or a guy that I have an awkward semi-flirtationship with occasionally (but I wouldn't go for him relationship/sex-wise for some objective reasons).

>>8509752
> or really repressed
I guess I should add "or maybe you're ace" but I think there's a lot of life experience and lifestyle variables that go into that

>>8509752
>Idk your age, but I assume you're under 20? or really repressed.
21, and a shitton of repression and religious-based guilt that I'm trying to get past

>I guess I should add "or maybe you're ace"
I've been told that and considered it in the last few months too, but I feel like saying I don't experience any sexual attraction is just lying to myself - so I don't want to commit to that label. Partly also because then it's like I'm meant to hold myself to that standard of no attraction, which is the perfect conditions for denial and repression - and I feel like I've got enough of that going on already

I think the demi identity applies to me, but I'm not convinced that it even counts as a standalone sexual identity rather than just a separate facet of sexuality, and it's not like you can tell anyone you're demi and expect them to take it seriously. So it's kind of a useful label for understanding yourself perhaps, but certainly not for publicly identifying to other people

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>>8509295
Is this really the case for most lesbians? So you wouldn't go with a chick at all if you knew she was bi?

>>8509988
I think a lot of people on both sides are cautious of bis because they're low key concerned about them falling for someone of the other sex

>>8510007
That sounds like extreme paranoia to me, or lack of confidence in oneself and their gender/sexuality.

I do understand but at the same time it seems a lot like stereotyping.

>>8499435
I've yet to meet an unattractive bisexual

>>8510050
It absolutely is stereotyping, but that doesn't change the fact it's how people think

>>8510099
Come visit any time anon!

>>8510007
>>8510050

I feel like it's a combo of any biphobia, its accompanying stereotypes, and actual truth in some people 'experimenting' and leaving the LGBT community completely either because they were only bicurious or because they decided "muh biological children" (orrrr because no one same-sex would date them / they live in Buttfuck, Kentucky. Not in the good way but in the there's-barely-enough-straights-to-date-here way.)

I mean, we wouldn't end up with acronyms like LUG just out of baseless stereotypes. Right? Maybe?

I hate tho that there are plenty of lesbos (sry as a bi gal that's my main frame of reference for most of LGBT) who I've noticed will totally shift the narrative to suit them (and of course chill ppl or ppl who minimize the actual bullshit that has happened to them). Like "yeah, I got fired from that job... it was totally queer-bashing" or "yeah, she decided she wanted to date a man instead, so she left me" when the situation was a originally bitttt different, even from their own mouths.

Either way the paranoia is real. My (lesbo) ex-gf told me once "if we ever break up don't date a guy first". Mostlllyyy jokingly.

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>>8510177
>My (lesbo) ex-gf told me once "if we ever break up don't date a guy first".

My only experience with a bi girl is when my best friend dated one
She went away for a week with her childhood best friend, and after she came back she acted weird and distant
two weeks later she confessed to him that she had fallen for that friend and didn't think it was fair for her to be with him anymore
Would have been better if she had said it sooner to spare him the worrying, but she felt bad about it at least

>>8509007
kek fucking accurate.
if anybody in or near Leizpig, I'm gonna see Taxi Driver by myself tomorrow.
at least I'm pretty sure I'm going by myself.

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>>8509988

>>8499290

Is an unnecessarily implied binary always only 0 or always only 1?

>>8499256
>Tfw bi male virgin
>Wanna have a long term relationship with a girl but want the guy experience too
Should I just meet up with a guy and bottom for him? I don't even know how to approach that without doing it online/discreetly. Too many conflicting emotions tbqh. I just wanna get fucked at least once in my life.

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>>8510099
If you live in Ireland, you can meet me.

>>8511017
you just want to be fucked? install a ""dating"" apps, share pics of your butt, etc.

>>8499560
this is cute as fuck I love you

>>8499925
are you trans? and holy shit I hate/love straight boys so much I want to die sometimes.

>>8514662
Ooops. It should read more like this:

> quote
> Can I just take a moment --outside of the current issue of your straight boy problems-- that oh-em-gee I empathize with this [quote] so much.

am cis bi gal. Actually haven't come across straight girl problems so far :-D... will probably eventually happen tho.

Still hate/love straight boys, though. Or just all boys. Or just all people. Go away ppl, you're all beautiful in your own way and I don't like you but your existence is good and probably a positive thing.

>>8514695
omg do you live in the bay area

>>8499925
What societal messages of female sexuality?

>>8507833
bisexuality is the simplest hecking thing in the world though, stop trying to put labels on everything and don't feel the need to come out to everyone, just go for what you want and you're sexuality will become evident to everyone and yourself based on your actions.

>>8514803
>you're sexuality will become evident to everyone and yourself based on your actions.

>oh so you have a boyfriend that means you're gay right?
>oh so you have a girlfriend now, does that mean you've gone straight?

>>8514729
No. Why?

>>8514730

Haha. I knew I was gonna regret that phrasing - but just the general "girls don't like, think about, and/or actually enjoy sex" idea vs. "men only think about oneeee thinggg." (I know this isn't the case in everyone's cultural sphere, some are very strongly and equally negative about female and male sexuality.)

Although I think now (age 20), and maybe since 13ish/14ish when I started reading about safe sex and realistic sex (along with my pronz), most of any repression I feel is unisex, except for when/if it's related to my sexual orientation since that's related to gender.

>>8514897
In what ways were you repressed?

Any bi girls (female) here in2 pegging

>>8515091
Kinda ya kinda nah.

Would be more open to experiment more with strapping it up (with either sex) after moving out of family's house. Only so much paraphenilia I can purchase before becoming mega paranoid someone I'm related to will end up seeing it.

>>8509213
<3 I really appreciate those words it does make a lot of sense, thank you

everywhere, if people really looked close

because everyone is bisexual, deep down

>>8509007
That's so accurate

>>8500252
Im in a poly relationship
To give you the gist its kind of like a circle or network. I have two partners and they each have their own networks of romantic interests and occasionally they intertwine. it can be hard tho, you learn to communicate well or else shit goes downhill fast.
Dont do it if you dont pay attention to your emotions intently. a sliver of jealousy grows very fast unnoticed and that can cause major issues.

>>8499256
>Pansexual, Polysexual, Omnisexual, Queer, Sexual(ly) Fluid
fuck off lol

>>8516416
You forgot Bisexual and Transexual...
They also need to fuck off lol

>lonely bi virgin for a long time
>finally start dating a gay guy
>relationship has been going great for almost 4 years
>I feel like some part of me is unfulfilled because I've never had sex with a women
>Fantasize about it, jack off to straight porn pretty often
>I know my bf would never want to share me with anyone else
Do I tell him about this?

>>8516477
Yes, it will just turn him on if he's like most gays.
Until you leave him for a chick and then he will be pissed and key your car or send your nudes to everyone on facebook.

>>8516529
>or

>>8516529
>sending nudes
>willingly setting yourself up for blackmail

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>>8499256
>omnisexual

>be mildly popular around campus
>my sexuality is an open secret
>opinions ranging from "he's a mattress muncher" to "nah he's just a bit girly"
>Lose count of how many girls have said "I thought you were gay" after drunkly making out at parties/the club
>Always give ambigous answers when asked about my sexuality for the sake of mistery

Yet it's such a turn off when I am hitting it off with a girl and she asks "are you... gay(ish) or something like that?" Why the fuck they gotta bring that up if it's obvious I am hitting on them? I always avoid the topic because I've had girls reject me because I am bi.

>>8517627
>I always avoid the topic because I've had girls reject me because I am bi.
How often does this happen? Like out of a rough percentage?
Also, how attractive would you rate yourself as?
This is the biggest thing keeping me from coming out. Girls compliment me all the time but idk if I'm attractive enough to change many of their minds on fucking/dating a bi guy.

>>8517627
>Always give ambigous answers when asked about my sexuality for the sake of mistery
What kind of answers? I need to do this.

>>8517627
>Always give ambigous answers when asked about my sexuality for the sake of mistery
if it makes you feel any better I do this too

>>8517647
>Like out of a rough percentage?
It's been 2/4 girls whom I approached in hopes of a stable relationship.
The other one was told after we had had a couple of dates so she kind of gave in but the bitch remained wary of my interests with shit like "I found your tumblr, anon... it weirded me out" or "why are you always on /fit/?"

So let's say 62% chances of being rejected. I hardly ever talk to girls I hook up with, so they don't count.

I give myself a 6-7ish/10, I make up for it with mad charm yet I think girls would be even warier if their bi boyfriend was hot as fuck.

>>8517627
>Why the fuck they gotta bring that up if it's obvious I am hitting on them?
i don't know if this is still a thing, but back at my high school gay dudes would sometimes ironically hit on girls, kinda like the stereotypical platonic breast-grab but less awful. i never saw that in college or later, but maybe they're just making sure you're actually serious, to avoid terrible misunderstandings?

>>8517689
>I found your tumblr, anon... it weirded me out
what do you have on your tumblr?

>>8517679
I play gay A LOT so it kinda adds up to the mistery but these are the most common answers
>Are you gay?
"Why? Do you like me or something?" (regardless if it's a guy or a girl)
"Depends on how drunk I am"
"Tags are for faggots"
*with a lisp* "pffft of course not, hunny. Why you ask?"

>I thought you were gay
"Yeah, me too"

>>8517702
I had a couple pictures of shirtless guys and a single one where two guys were kissing. That was it. I wanted to (and should have) dumped her ass right at that moment.

She keeps following me so I make sure to reblog the gayest shit I find just to spite her.

>everyone in between
But they're all bisexual, since there's only 2 genders.

>>8517798
There's only 2 sexes
genders are made up new age bullshit. But they don't even matter, since people are attracted to physical genitals rather than the word you identify as. It's a sexuality, not a genderality.

>>8517798
According to kinsey there's quite a lot in between.

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>>8517689
>I think girls would be even warier if their bi boyfriend was hot as fuck.
True. I get a lot of attention from guys too. No hope for me I guess lol.

>>8517798
There's varying degrees of homosexuality and heterosexuality.
It's why some guys are openly bi and some are prison gay.

>Watch straight porn, fantasize about both being fucked by the dick and being the dick that is fucking

Is anything more /comfy/ than being bi?

>>8518458
having your partner not worry you're going to leave them for someone of the opposite sex

>>8518540
Maybe if you guys stopped doing it so often ',:^)

>>8518554
> ',:^)
wew that's a new one, going to have to use that some time

>>8509988
I would if she had a very strong preference for women. Otherwise, no, because I've been burned by bi girls three times already and I'm not too stupid to recognize a pattern.

>muh groundless stereotyping

It is really annoying to listen to bis complaining about getting a bad rap when the people earning them said bad rap are... other bisexuals.

Are bis the sluttiest lgbt type? It would make sense but gays seem to go around a lot instead of settling in with one person. Unsure about lesbians.

>>8518582
bis often still care about getting straight married and having a conventional family
pure homos historically have not had the same option to get married, let alone the cultural expectation. While that doesn't mean there aren't gays with committed lifetime partners, it does explain why they have a reputation for promiscuity (the cultural expectation to settle down simply didn't exist)

>Male
>I've been attracted to only girls all my life
>Suddenly now at 24 i'm starting to feel attracted to guys too, maybe not at the same level as girls that's sure, but i even fantasize with guys too now, pretty lewd sometimes

Why it's suddenly happening me this now after these years? i've never felt this before, is it normal or "just a phase" ?

>>8515252
Any bi girls into pegging me, a guy (female)...

I have some paraphenilia you can borrow.

>>8517689
>"why are you always on /fit/?"
XDD

>>8518731
think of sexuality as an outward label. If you're only interested in pursuing sex/relationships with girls, just call yourself straight publicly. It honestly doesn't matter much what you consider yourself personally, besides understanding yourself for your own sake