Bad feels thread

>>8496466
Im so sorry OP

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>>8496466
>gay metalhead cave troll

bee yourself, sweatie

>>8496466
Have you tried not being a hon?

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>have feelings of wanting to be a girl since age 6
>later
>have money and live alone to buy mones
>smoke weed at best age for transition
>get schizophrenia after half a year of smoking
>my psychiatrist and social workers say Im not transsexual, just schizophrenic
>mfw

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>realize you're trans at 7 but obviously since it's pre 2000 you have no idea what trans is
>too meek and anxious to fight assigned gender
>completely check out of life
>don't know what trans is until 23 and drinking all day thinking of suicide
>in a 6'1 man body forever adonis belt and there is literally nothing you can ever do about it

>>8496554
>adonis belt
That feel when pear-shaped body

>>8496588
Fuck off to the good feels thread

>>8496593
Ok

>>8496597
Thanks

>>8496493
Does your dysphoria lessen with therapeutic levels of antipsychotic medication?

>>8496466
And what's wrong with being a metalhead?

>>8496662
Its like next-level repressing it because you get so numbed out you rarely know what youre like or what youre feeling. Its just like youre a blob influenced by chemical drugs

>>8496663
It's wrong because you want to look like a girl, not a guy with long hair.

>>8496597
We'll be glad to have you >>8494908

>>8496704
I dont have comfy girl feels anymore since Im not getting off those meds anymore.

>>8496691
What were you on to keep you so snowed all the time? Sounds awful

>>8496763
One mood stabilizer and anti-convulsive medication called orfiril long retard in europe and latuda (lurasidon). Latuda is an atypical medication but Ive been taking higher and lower doses of anti-psychotics for 6 years now. Im just not the same anymore.

>>8496466
>massive cheek and jaw bones
>too poor for FFS or SRS
>ugly stubble everywhere
>Think the people who laser my hair are ripping me off because my appointments are way too fast and there's still stubble there when they're done
>Fell for the 'lol cut your balls off' meme and ended up spending 5 weeks in the psych ward without hormones
>Have to go to trial this week to prove I'm sane and will most likely lose
>Could literally be disappeared to a psych hospital for years and no one would care about it or miss me
>Will probably be a victim of the psychiatric establishment for the rest of my life
>Thought I liked girls but might be developing feelings for my best friend
>Self medding for a year and still don't have legit scripts
>Only endo I managed to see refused to treat me because it was "against his faith" FUCK MUSLIMS BTW

>>8496493
That's fucked up, man.

Do you ever want to quit the meds? Figure out a non-chemical way to cope with the schizophrenia? Or is that not an option?

I swear mental illness makes any other disadvantaged position like 32346 times worse.

>>8496975
Ive been off the meds for a week or 2 but I started becoming really heavily psychotic, putting them down is not an option.

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>>8496814
>disappeared to a psych hospital

In what third world hell-hole do you reside?
Why do you have to prove you're sane?
>and I though my life was bad!

>>8496983
stop smoking weed, it exacerbates schizophrenia in those who are genetically predisposed

>>8496998
I havent been smoking long-term and regularly for 6 yrs now. Just took some amphetamines here and there.

>>8496995
>In what third world hell-hole do you reside?

The United States of America

>Why do you have to prove you're sane?

Because the (((experts))) have decided I'm an imminent danger to myself and/or others.

>>8497006
amphetamines are on a scale worse than weed for schizophrenics looooool

>>8497042
Yoloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

>>8497047
enjoy permanent psychosis

>>8496466
>months of therapy
>finally getting close to HRT after a lot of suffering
>psych wants me to try girlmode a few times before he considers HRT
>according to him if I dress right and do my hair the right way and wear makeup I can look somewhat feminine
>I have no idea how to do any of those things and I am too afraid and shy to ask anyone IRL for help
>also think I will never pass without months of HRT and surgery

I guess I'm stuck being a depressed neet forever

>>8497063
Just go into the appt he requires dressed however you can but if you're not comfortable with doing it without hrt which is completely unreasonable to expect then lie and say you did. Rle is cancer

>Start to date a girl
>The secret revealed she is a trans
>already too much in love to care
>Give fucking everything in my life to her and need
To care about her bitching daily about her stupid shit
>fast forward a year and half "this doesnt work I want to date other people and get stuck with you you limit my options in this life I want to do this and this blabla"
>So basically I was just a first boyfriend test for this mega tranny slut who destroyed my heart and this is coming from straight male 26 and now I dont want to see any transgender in my eyes.

>incapable of dating anyone online because all you can offer online is your personality and time and I have a lot of time but no personality

>>8497165
I'm sorry anon. Most aren't as bad as her. Did she pass? How old was she and how long was she on hormones?

>>8497179
Same age as I and she was 3 years on hormones and yes she did pass.

>>8497165
>this person doesnt love me so now all these people are shit

>>8496554
Lol how does it feel to be mentally ill thank god I didn't wind up a tranny

>Be me
>Guys interested
>Have good time
>Tell them I'm trans
>Alone again
>every single time
>fml

I just want a normal fucking guy.

>>8498232
I'm sorry =/

>>8498232
normal or hetero?

>>8498213
Feels bad

>>8498258
I'm confused what you mean by this.

>>8498258
>>8498287
I realized I'm retarded. Ideally both, if I had to choose one, normal.

>>8497685
That story isn't unique, I too have come to associate "trans" with emotional vampire.

>Date guy
>Guy says he wanted to be a girl when he was a kid
>I tell him even if he did that I'd be fine with it because I love him
>I do everything for him and support him emotionally
>fast forward many years and he starts HRT which I am fine with
>This month he cheats on me and breaks off our relationship for a tranny chaser because, "he is better than you" and "I liked you, but was never in love with you."
>I was going to pop the question this month
>years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars down the toilet.

>>8498424
>still want to be with them
>they want to be friends
>they casually tell me to get over it.

>>8498424
So he cheated on you, that isn't unusual at all. Your fault for having faith in anybody.

>>8498472
I think it's more that they feel like they were used for support during transition, and then left once they were able to find someone post-transition.

I can see why that would make them mad, and I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

>>8498483
I'd feel less mad if that was the case because there would at least be some sense to it, I am a guy too so it isn't like they wanted a guy now that they are a girl. I am mad because they became a giant bag of emotional impulses.

>>8498472
Thanks for proving my point that trans people seem to have fidelity issues.

>>8498424
>years of my life and tens of thousands of dollars down the toilet

years of sex, you mean.
that you paid for.
when you date someone who is out of your league you are basically paying for sex.

>>8498540
>out of my league
I dated them because they were actually under my league. They still have severe mental health issues, don't have a job, and don't pass.

>>8498540
Are you just trolling or are you really that much of a miserable cynical bastard?

>>8498557
Why would you date such a person?
I suppose you felt like their saviour?

>>8498573
They may not have been perfect but we meshed extremely well and I liked them despite their flaws.

>>8498487
Me, myself
I will try to cure it by blocking testosterone

It seems to be the nearest approximation of treatment we have to the mental illness (NOT physical deformity!) that is GD.

However I am wondering what "fighting for the cure" means.
No research can get away with doing anything other than confirming the party line…I don't know how ACPEDS has gotten away with saying what they've said, but they're a notable exception

Everyone either says
>trannies aren't real, you're just gay or queer(weird/weird+gay)
or
>Your "gender identity" in your head is valid

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>Came out on my 25th birthday
I regret coming out so late, since I ultimately the reactions from others, good and/or bad, would have been the same. Instead I only denied living my life the way I wanted it to for no reason.

I'm 26 now and I feel awkward whenever I'm with other gay people. The younger ones are all experiencing the same new life experiences a lot earlier meanwhile the other 26 have had their share of partying under their belt and are all now happy in stable relationships and are basically gay sages while I'm fucking around with 21 year olds still in school

>>8498557
I know you cared about them, but it sounds like you might have dodged a bullet on this one.

>>8498598
Everyone I know says that too, but I can't help how I feel about it.

>>8498621
I understand <3. I hope you feel better soon.

>>8498607
(Well, technically I'm taking 50mg Bica in the morning, 2mg Estrad at 2pm, and 60mg Ralox before bed)

I really really doubt that the public being more informed/etc will have a positive effect. Everything that happens in the public eye ever will ultimately be used to further either leftist political causes (raising "androgyne awareness" one law / meaningless march at a time), or it will just lead to the FDA clamping down on smuggled titty skittles and you have to be 21 to transition lest we have undetermined little embryos transitioning on a whim :^) [ ;_; ]

born to cry
fuck statists
self-med em all 2018
I am meme gender
133,742,069 mock rioters

>>8498638
Never going to happen, I never was someone able to let go of things. Maybe in a decade or more? But either way thanks for the encouragement.

didnt sign up to sell my heart and be left with paranoia.
what part of the brain isnt developing in these vampires that call us hons.

>>8498487
The girl inside you is crying ;_;

>>8498754
>people are forced to do this
Only in Iran, dude.

>>8498754
Stop it! You're hurting her!

>>8498838
[citation needed]

>>8498838
why do you keep calling everyone bitterhon?
are you projecting?

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>>8498869
you're a paranoid moron
and your "viewpoints" are risible.

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>Finally feel like I'm in-shape after months of exercise and dieting having started at skinnyfat
>Recently got my hair styled into an undercut, beard's doing good
>Make an OkCupid account with a current picture, actually put effort into writing the profile and talking about my nerdy interests like video games/anime instead of acting like a chad
>No cute gay guys anywhere close to me, flooded with 1-5 word messages from 38 year old overweight balding men, not even an attempt at a meaningful sentence

Not sure what I was expecting.

>>8496466
>Wake up
>Still feel like shit
>Most of the day is spent in misery about my body
>Horny
>Want to fap
>Don't fap
>Try to focus
>NEED FAP
>fap to gross agp shit
>after, want to rip dick off
>go on downward spiral where I scream and yell at myself to stop BEING SUCH A WORTHLESS, USELESS WASTE THAT NEEDS TO FUCKING DIE.
>hit and slap myself
>take shower where I cut myself in places where people won't find them
>tell myself I'm a useless attention whore and need to stop being such a bitch
>clean myself up
>meander and get horny again
>need fap
>fap to disgusting agp and sissy shit
>Want to rip dick off
>take some Xanax
>feel okay for fucking once in my life
>go to sleep relatively peaceful
>have a fucking dream where I come out and feel good in dream
>wake up horny

>want to find group of gay friends to hang out with
>one group just play ff all day
>get invited to hang out with them
>they're literally just playing stormblood while I'm hanging around
>they get 'sad' when I want to leave and find something better to do

>find another group of homos to hang out with
>after pride parade so one is just chilling in underwear, whatever gay pride
>his bf or whatever is groping him in public, whatever gay pride
>literally pulls his dick out in a public area as kids walk by

I dont get it, I just want to have friends that like dudes and no be fucking autistic or creepy

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>>8499004
We're coming for you cure anon.
Expect us when you least expect it!
Muwahahahahahahaaaah!

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>>8499004

>>8499004
I've tried nofap many times. I still have mind numbing dysphoria i.e.. still want to rip dick off. I get massively horny and start constantly feeling like shit to the point where I literally had a gun on my head, ready to fucking pull the trigger. the only reason I didn't was the fact if I did it it would prove how much of a worthless sack of shit I am and make the lives of my family worse.
NoFap does jackshit.

what are you even talking about. "trapping myself". I'm already fucking trapped as is

>be me
>had somewhat normal childhood
>around puberty realize things about myself
>felt like something was wrong
>wanted to be a girl
>put on make-up when others weren't around
>wore dresses
>tell female cousins
>one day cousins take pictures of me in dress and make-up for fun
>show the picture to my family
>they all laugh
>I feel ridiculed
>take picture from them and tear it up
>bury those feelings
>go through entire life suppressing feelings
>awkward as fuck and effeminate in high school
>never get laid
>decide do overcompensate
>play sports to be manly
>hate every second of it
>do weightlifting to be manly
>join the military to be manly
>have sex with several girls to be manly
>keep burying those feelings
>meet girl and have sex a lot
>think I'm in love
>she ends up pregnant
>relationship doesn't work
>we fight all the fucking time
>she hits me
>treats me like shit
>I let her
>I leave her finally
>series of unsuccessful relationships follows
>now have 4 year old kid
>finally come to terms with me being transgender
>tfw now 27
>body no longer feminine
>stubble grows in every 5 hours
>see reflection in mirror and want to kill myself
>see myself getting more manly every day
>will never be a woman
>want to end it all but can't because of daughter

>>8496466
>know I'm trans my whole life repress to the best of my ability
>can't repress anymore at 23
>have to wait until 24 to start HRT
>know I wont pass without ffs
>have no money to get ffs and I live in US so if I somehow take out a loan or something I have to go to a meme US surgeon that could fuck me up or kill me
The odds are really stacked against me and I feel like ending it all tbqh.

>>8499305
That sucks, anon, but hold on there! The results can be better than you expect. HRT will make you feel much better than without it anyway. Would you be in this position had you not repressed? What would be the last age you could've passed at?

>>8499338
I could've passed had I started in my teens I honestly think I went through puberty late. I didn't start looking like a guy until I was over 16. Even at 18 I think I had a decent chance but I just didn't see it. It sucks.

>>8496493
>have feelings of being a dude since age 4 when I chopped off all of my hair (was a horrible sight tbdesu)
>later
>smoke weed a lot at age 15
>do acid 4 times also at 15 and get schizo
>luckily already transitioned for 7 years at this point and now 8 months on T
>psychiatrist lets me keep doing T and transitioning, puts me on valium (which I sell sometimes for a little money here and there) and abilify

>>8498948
this is my fear

Fuck No pissed off by the fact I'll never get with this guy because gays traumatized him. He probably saw me as trash
>>when I found this out, I wanted to cry forever
>>still do

>>8497063
Selfmed

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>>8499508
It sucks. I even just finished getting my master's degree, so I was feeling so accomplished and relieved and now I don't feel any closer to just having someone to spend my days with.

And I feel bad about feeling bad because it seems shallow to think I'd catch anyone's interest off of it, but it felt like so much work for nothing.

>11 months HRT
>face pretty much hasn't changed
>kinda okay hairline but my hair is curly and isn't growing fast enough to cover the bad spots in the foreseeable future
>6 sessions of laser to the face but idk if it's done anything
>skin condition so my neck is weirdly red and creased
>can't handle having body hair but short of paying through the ass I can't fucking get rid of it permanently and temporary methods are just bad reminders
>work a shitty entry-level job for a little over minimum wage because I don't have a formal education
>don't have the time to go back to uni and at least get HS equivalency because I need money to transition and I can't work and do school at the same time

>>8498958
I'm sorry you're struggling.

>>8499062
I can accept AGP's and the search for a cure. People should be able to choose.

But if you want respect for your ideas and choices, you need to respect people who went with transition. Especially if they say their overall mental health has improved. Different people have different solutions to their problems.

>>8499135
>But be aware it's a palliative care method that simply doesn't work.

It works for some people.

>>8499135
>it's a palliative care method that simply doesn't work.
Transitioning, yes.
Hormones-only transition, no.

What I want to see is some testing done for HRT coupled with "conversion therapy": take estrogen, antiandrogens, while having someone encourage you to accept yourself as male.

Eventually (theoretically), your physical image and your acceptable self-image will meet in the middle, on common ground, and, yes, you'll be an androgyne/"queer"/abomination/etc—but if it cures the suicidal urges and raises quality of life to acceptable levels, nobody has the right to give a fuck. (Plus, true andro is aesthetic/trendy af)

>pre moans MTF
>mum has been drinking heavily
>keeps calling me a faggot
>passes out on back porch
>dad comes home
>looks at her then looks at me and says
>its really not all that bad son, see my friend at work told me how his gay son wants to be a woman.
>sighs and hugs me and says "we dont have it as bad as some people
>go to my room and cry

>>8503378
Well he's right, his friend at work has an HSTS.

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>22
>nearly 2 years HRT
>look worse than a lot of MtFs who started at 30+

Tfw not dead yet

>>8503477
>tfw I see Robin with twinkhonbod whenever I look in the mirror

>>8503477

t b h Robin your face looks 25 times better than it did when you first started posting. You've still got arms like a bricklayer, but you're defo making progress.

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>>8503573
what's with the thick arms? I've cycled weight loss and gain several times in the last year and yet my upper arms are still disgustingly thick and make me look even more top-heavy than I otherwise am.

nothing except FFS is gonna fix this face though

>>8503647
it's true I have other problems (being fucking disabled), but without gender dysphoria I'd find it a lot easier to cope with life
as it stands not even the vessel I experience existence through brings me anything but negative feelings

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>>8503647
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophical_burden_of_proof

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>>8503637
If that's you, you literally look exactly like my lifelong closest friend, who is a cisgirl. You guys have the same eyes, same chin, same skin and body (from what I can see). If your hair was reddish with really out-of-control frizzy bedhead curls, I honestly would have thought you were her.

You may not have looks you find ideal, but you look cis with what you got.

>Want to transition when im 21
>No way for me to see the one trans clinic in my province because not in catchment area
>Become miserable suicidal
>Completely hate my body

Fast forward to 26

>Finally move within the catchment area decide to see the doctor and try to transition but in the back of my mind I cant help but thinking its to late
>spend 6 months on wait list and 4 more months convincing the doctor I'm fit for HRT
>Finally Start HRT 1 month ago.
>Feeling slightly better but feeling hopeless about my chances to pass

1 month until my 27th birthday.

Is the damage already done? Does anyone know of someone who transitioned this late and passes?

>>8504260
It's not over yet, fren. You stand a chance at passing. Sure your odds diminish over time but they aren't 0% and no-one can really say how it'll affect you at nearly 27.

>>8498540
what a healthy view on life

>>8505301
Meant to reply to >>8505291

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>turn 18 come out of closet
>told constantly by others im cute and shouldn't worry about meeting others
>im shut down by everyone or the ones that do have interest in me shut me away as soon as i want a relationship more than just sex
>i want to fucking die and every day suicide just seems like a better option

i didn't ask to be this way

>>8507502
are you always such a whinging baby?
no wonder nobody wants you.

>>8507508
no, only particullary on nights where my depression feels worse than usual and i just remember i won't ever be happy

>ITT: BDD

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>>8503647
>m-muh hard cis girl life

being alive is pretty shitty :3

I hate feeling like a piece of meat to other men. Maybe this is how ciswomen feel all the time. I was on the bus a few days ago, and these two older guys got on and started to whisper to each other. I had my headphones in, but no music. They kept eyeing everyone on the bus and came to me and heard them say "I bet hes a cumslut". When I got off the bus, so did they and they followed me for about 3 miles until I reached my apartment. Felt really weird

i want to stop being jealous of other people
i want to stop being jealous
i want to stop being

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>be 21mtf
>be on hrt for 2 years
>only misgendered occasionally when I dont wear makeup
>convinced everyone is lying and hugboxing
>im gonna die an old hon
Pic related, it's me

>>8511192
You look passable to me. I wouldn't lable you as hon.

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>>8496466
>pre-hrt ftm
>i want to look like a metalhead cave troll

>>8511214
Trade with you any day of the week

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>ftm, 20 years old, 5 months T
>figure out my only friends have been using me for cash/ actively stealing money
>no friends now, everyone at work hates me
>no idea how to meet people that aren't druggies

>18 mtf, already half a year on hormones, even getting injections tomorrow
>I know I'm an unpassable piece of shit, and probably will ever be, even if I have a mild androgen sensitivity thing and testosterone has never done shit to me
>Old friends are slowly forgetting me, most of them dont even talk to me anymore
>Most new friends just see me as first impression, I mean, first time we meet everything is cool and feels right, then they start getting to know the piece of shit I really am and dont want to get along with me anymore
>If I try to get a girlfriend, things just mess up most of the times, and same as I said, Im just a first impression, or at most, a sexual curiosity, and that has lead to multiple problems with my mental health, as probably I get too attached to this people, one of these girls literally told me she didnt want to see me again, and all I could do was hug her, try to say goodbye without her noticing I was so hurt, then hide, cry, and have so much anxiety someone had to call an ambulance as I was on the edge of choking myself
>Have severe depression, to the point I just dont get out of my bed too often, once a week at most, already have my arm covered in scars, and attempted suicide twice

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>tfw 20 year old hon
>world is a hugbox
>ywn know if you pass or not

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>>8511272
>no idea how to meet people that aren't druggies

church?
online personals?
meetups?
in the park on sunday?
at events related to a hobby?
the grocery store?
the laundromat?
are you even trying?

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>>8512003

>always do nice, thoughtful things for my gf
>go out of my way to make sure she feels cared for and loved, that I appreciate having her in my life
>solve her problems, loan her money, support her in her transition
>she can't even manage the bare fucking minimum
>bought her an expensive necklace, over a hundred dollars
>she buys me a $20 shirt in return
>buy her shoes because she wants them even though I've been saving up to get my own shoes but now can't afford because I have to support both of us
>she can't even bring herself to wake up before 12 to spend time with me
>tells me she can't support me to my face

There's so much shit that's been building up and I cracked. I'm angry and sad and now I'm just sitting in the movies for despicable me 3 to try and cheer myself up, even though I know she wanted to see it to.


>TFW you fell for a mentally ill transgirl

>>8513112
If it makes you feel better but I was in the same situation except I, the trans one was in your shoes and the cis one was in theirs :/