/acegen/ - Asexuality General

>>8467419
What if you got stimulated by someone?

>>8467532
I imagine I'd get an erection if they did it right, but I'd mostly be uncomfortable or confused. I wouldn't want to fuck them though.

>>8467419
If i'm attracted to people but too afraid of stds to ever have sex am i asexual

>>8470505
no

>On a scale from 10 to 10, how afraid are you that all of your friends will leave you behind once they get married?
11.

File: mind.png (390KB, 412x342px) Image search: [Google]

390KB, 412x342px

>>8470606
I'm just afraid of the never having a stable relationship. I love romantic stuff and hugs and kisses and all of that, but it can never last and is becoming increasingly harder to start as sexual advances are quickly overtaking every other method of starting a relationship as I get older. Fuck, I'm scared. I hate being alone, and I hate watching relationship after relationship slowly crumble or immediately poof away from lack of sex. Why did it have to be being asexual? Having such a massive part of the human social experience cut away from a member of said social species is the worst thing you could do it it.

Sorry for the rant, not normally like this, but the sheer enormity of the impact this condition is starting to have is really getting to me

Are "squishes" an exclusively ace thing? Because I'm not asexual but I definitely have strong feelings of affection and desire to become emotionally close with people sometimes without any desire to date them or have sex with them.

>>8471647
I think you answered your own question. You, as someone sexually attracted to people, find some people attractive in a romantic and/or close bond sense, but not a sexual sense. So it stands to reason that people who aren't asexual get them too.

Kind of doubtful of people who call themselves asexual, since I too thought I was one (I'm a girl). Never had any crushes on guys throughout my teens, so thought I was ace. But once I started thinking about girls and figured out I was a lesbian, I started feeling horny and getting crushed, all that shit.

Are you guys sure you've *never* experienced sexual attraction or crushes? Maybe you're actually gay and haven't considered the same gender out of homophobia.

>>8471519
Asexuals are such fucking cry babies. There's PLENTY OF WOMEN who you can date, and opening up the sexual aspect of a relationship is very common. Try Ace Book, Okcupid (you can filter by asexuality/demisexuality) or ACEApp (still beta). I'm aro/ace and I still manage

>>8471709
>in a romantic
he never said that; what he described sounds platonic to me

File: dkcTuDA.jpg (76KB, 720x590px) Image search: [Google]

76KB, 720x590px

>>8472317
Maybe you're actually retarded; get the fuck out with your bullshit.

>Do my friends know?
Nah. I mean, I kinda feel halfway between it being not a thing I need to come out as, and also I just don't want people to think I'm weird.
But,
>does it affect your friendships?
They are constantly trying to set me up with people. I mean, I don't /mind/, like I wouldn't mind having a bf/gf to do romantic shit with but like, I've never found someone who'd fit in with that.


>how afraid are you that your friends will leave you behind once they all get married?
Tactically got engaged to someone in America so they can live here in the UK legally. No romance involved, just a business marriage

>>8472855
>being not a thing I need to come out as
It most definitely isn't, really. Besides your partner, no one really needs to know. No one really cares you don't experience sexual attraction to people

>Tactically got engaged to someone in America so they can live here in the UK legally. No romance involved, just a business marriage
This they pay or something? What do you get out of it? Is there no risk? No downsides?

Someone suggested this to me too for the same reason (i.e. sham marriage they called it) but I was reluctant

Is it acephobic to expect that if I date someone who's asexual, they'll let me know pretty early on, and not wait until it's like,
>So, we've been together a while... would you be interested in maybe having sex?
>Nah.
>Okay, I understand. No rush.
>No, I mean never.
>Wait wat.

So, I know dark and/or edgy humor is popular on 4chan and that's fine, but outside of that context, the whole

>Asexuals during the HIV crisis
>eats cake

Or the whole, "you're a bunch of sluts and that's why you have this problem," thing.

Ignoring the fact that asexuals had nothing to do with the HIV crisis because apparently it was easier to just go on not having sex until the LGBT movement started having parades, globally, poor women regardless of sexual orientation are the most likely to have HIV/AIDS, whether it was transmitted by consensual sex, rape, or drug needles. That's right, even asexuals.

Finally, you cannot simultaneously

1. Insist that asexual people are real and valid and genuinely do not experience sexual attraction.
2. Act like you're some goddamn paragon of self-control for not having sex when you just said you felt no urge to in the first place.

File: 1496703796457.png (23KB, 614x360px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 614x360px

>>8472950

>>8472929
Sounds like they mentioned it as soon as you brought it up

>>8472950
>2. Act like you're some goddamn paragon of self-control for not having sex when you just said you felt no urge to in the first place.
Anyone who does this is retarded. I fucking wish I could have sex

>>8473040
So it's cool for asexual people to basically let people operate under the assumption that there will be sex (as there is a high mathematical probability that there will, since most people aren't ace), essentially lying by omission about something that will be an ongoing fact about the relationship, to someone they claim to care about?

>>8473056
My experience that the norm is that non-asexuals expect sex by the third date or something. Did you just date them for 5 years before bringing this up or why are you so worked up? I don't always find a chance to say it in the first 2 dates either, and I found that a lot of non-asexuals are cool with not having sex while being in a relationship and outsourcing the sexual part to other people (i.e. sexually open relationship)

>>8472739
Thanks for the resources, anon.

Also
>I'm aromantic and I don't have a problem with romantic relationships being made difficult by asexuality!

Duh? That doesn't mean it's not awful for the people who can be romantically attracted to others

>>8473065
I'm not really worked up. This didn't happen to me at all.

I don't necessarily expect sex by the third date (I've ranged from "hey, sex was fun, would you like to go out" to "you know, we've been dating for six months... wanna talk about maybe having sex sometime soon?").

And yeah, that last bit makes sense to me. One of my exes and I still fool around sometimes because his boyfriend is, while not asexual, damn close, and is fine with it.

>>8473047
This desu, it'd make life so much easier and normal.

Yo, thinking about getting a prescription, has anyone had any luck with viagra? Or do you actually have to be aroused/stay aroused? That's what I hear and it worries me

>>8473082
>Duh? That doesn't mean it's not awful for the people who can be romantically attracted to others
Aros also want very close platonic relationships (QPR), but it's not the easiest thing to find something like this when everything is expected to go romantically/sexually. Like I want a life-long partner too, but they gotta be cool with no romantic attraction or sexual attraction--do you think people are just down with that?

>>8473094
What distinguishes romance from a very close platonic relationship, aside from sex?

Not arguing, just genuinely curious.

>>8473100
I'd say cuddling, kissing, that sort of magnetic feeling you get towards the other person...obviously love is pretty damn hard to explain, but you get the idea. Imagine the feeling you get cuddling your GF, but just that and only wanting just that.

>>8473100
Sex got nothing to do with it. You can be aromantic non-asexual. The only thing that distinguishes it is the lack of romantic attraction, which is as vague as sexual attraction and manifests in different ways for different people.

For me it's basically I can never see someone as something more than friend, best friend, best best best friend, super best friend, etc. I may love them as a friend, but I don't "fall in love". Romantic relationships make me feel anxious and if someone is romantically attracted to me and they expect the same from me, then I feel like shit cause I don't have any romantic love to give and I let down someone I care about. I basically can only be very good friends with people and try telling that to someone who's in love with you. I don't mind sensuality, touching, kissing (without tongue), giving oral, and stuff, but yeah I cannot give romantic love and I cannot be sexually attracted to them.

I realise this is vague, but I don't think that's unexpected.

>>8473094
Huh, interesting...I never really thought about it like that. IDK if I'd like to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. But thanks for the new perspective!

>>8473128
>Sex got nothing to do with it.
I realise this doesn't really make sense given the meaning of "platonic" so, to clarify, in the aro community this is called "queerplatonic" and the relationship is "queerplatonic relationship". Nothing to do with "queer" as understood in LGBT+, just a name for "odd platonic relationship" or something.

>>8473047
why not just wait until you get an erection (eg when you wake up in the morning) and do a sex then?

>>8473156
Cause it doesn't last long enough to actually have sex

>babe quick my morning wood is here hurry up before i lose it babe wake up

>>8473162
but you can still masturbate right?

>>8473165
Yeah but not thinking about sex. I only get aroused by kink/fetishes

>>8473156
That's right, of course! Of course your partner would be ready for sex literally the instant after they wake up at 6 AM. Great solution. Or he could get viagra like a normal fucking person

>>8473170
so what about having sex while thinking of those fetishes?

>>8473175
Yeah that's what I usually try, or I try to have sex in the context of fetishes (e.g. this girl kept slapping me while riding me which worked though I was trying really hard to stay hard)

It's just not convenient at all and too many times I lose erection and then the girl feels like shit and insecure despite whatever I try to tell her. It makes me fear even trying so it adds a psychological problem to my already lack of sexual attraction and overall it's just a pain in the ass and it's not often I find people willing to up to put up with my shit. Even if I manage it to make it work sometimes, it's really stressing to see it as a daily chore/duty/homework and it hurts the relationship mood in the long-term, at least for me.

File: d4100151581239c1d7e36552840fe48a.jpg (44KB, 421x636px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 421x636px

Yes, true, I have chosen to be celibate
for the past few months... years.
"I'm celibate. " That's what everyone says
when they can't have it off, isn't it?
"I'm fat and ugly
with no chance of a pork," more like.
- Shut up.
- Shall I hit her, Eddie?
Get out. Go on, get out.
- You ever been celibate, Pats?
- Celibacy leaves a lot to be desired.

>>8473170
What's yours? The only thing I've ever been able to be aroused by is stomach growling. I just never "got" sex as a kid and it stayed that way forever.

>>8473175
>The smell
>The disgusting appearance
>The fucking revolting squishing sounds
>Obnoxious moaning

YOU try keeping an erection through all of that

>>8473186
I'm just into D/s and a foot fetish

File: Scarykira.png (890KB, 500x742px) Image search: [Google]

890KB, 500x742px

>>8473187
Kinda reminds me of a reverse pic related

>>8473173
>Or he could get viagra like a normal fucking person
Idk, people don't have many good things to say about it

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/54463-would-viagra-work-on-a-guy-whose-completely-asexual/

I thinks it's better to find a relationship where it's ok not to have sex with your partner (but they may be ok with having sex with others)

>>8473399
>https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/54463-would-viagra-work-on-a-guy-whose-completely-asexual/
>P.S. I'm heteroromontically asexual but aromantically homosexual.

I lol'd (not that i don't believe him, it's just funny)

File: 1489890038345.png (45KB, 778x512px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 778x512px

What's the difference between a hug and a cuddle? Where is the line drawn between them?

>>8473586
I mean you can give a hug on the street to someone as a greeting; does anyone label that as a cuddle? I assume cuddle is sort of a longer "hug" e.g. while watching a film, while laying in bed, while talking, etc

>>8473586
Hugging is done on your feet, usually quick

Cuddling is done on the couch or in bed, usually lasts a while

>>8473597
So if I'm hugging me best friend while sitting down for an extended period of time (half an hour or more), and not carressing or doing anything more physical than sitting in place with my arms tight around him, is that a hug or a cuddle?

>>8473633
I think cuddles are 2-ways, so that's, according to the technical dictionary of human interaction, a semi-cuddle or a longitive-hug

File: 1463819873102.jpg (115KB, 418x529px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 418x529px

>>8473633
>sitting down
>half an hour
That's a textbook cuddle-quickie

You cuddled him, he cuddled you, whatever, it doesn't matter, there was cuddling

>>8473641
Two way meaning facing each other? If one person is behind and wrapping around the person in front, how is the person meant to hug back besides just kind of pressing against your arms?

>>8473655
> besides just kind of pressing against your arms?
I guess that's 2-ways enough. I think what makes it a cuddle is whether your partner felt cuddled or not

>>8473665
Well he calls it a hug so
The reason I'm self conscious about it is he's straight and I don't know what the boundary I can get away with is
Obviously I'd never try to kiss him or anything, but for example I've rested in his lap before
He seems to be fine with it but I'm self aware about the fact that close friendships aren't usually this physical - yet also if he truly doesn't mind and enjoys it too then there's no issues

>>8473700
I should also add I don't want it to be romantic either, I think the emotional dynamic we have at the moment where we're both honest about everything and can be stability for each other is much better than trying a romantic relationship where you test and push all different kinds of boundaries and there's a high risk of failure with high consequence. I just like hugging/cuddling is all. But I'm slightly worried that if he considered something to be cuddling he'd be uncomfortable since that's typically considered to be more of a romantic thing than a friendship thing

>>8473739
Say no to romantic relationships taking away sensual touching!! Aros everywhere stand up against the romantic oppression! We want to cuddle our friends! Cuddle is not romantic! Kisses without tongue are not romantic!

on a more serious note, i would just continue assuming platonic (or queerplatonic if you want) unless he says something or becomes obvious that he sees it as anything else. you can then clarify it to them

http://aromantic.wikia.com/wiki/Queerplatonic
http://wiki.asexuality.org/Queerplatonic

Is kissing with tongue a sexual impulse or a romantic impulse? Do romantic asexuals ever feel a desire to kiss with tongue?

>>8472317

I continue to be absolutely amazed at how ignorant and uncaring some people in the GSRM community can be toward others in parts of the community different from their own.
This kind of infighting harms you as much as anyone

>>8467419
Does anyone else feel they're more... interesting? Or, like, sincere for being asexual?

Like I don't have an agenda when I hang out with anyone. I'm pursuing things because I'm interested in them, not for, like, some kind of social gain. Shit like that?

Like I feel like I'd be really boring if all I cared about was sex.

>>8473655
When I'm the little spoon I put my hand on his forearm and pet him a little to let him know I'm present and connected to the moment.
Also, I think you can actively receive and return energy so that it cycles between you, rather than just laying there.

>>8472950
>>Asexuals during the HIV crisis
>>eats cake

This is so foolish it has to be b8. The cake thing comes from jokingly saying that something good like cake is 'better than sex', which has been around for a very long time
19/82 I responded

>>8473783
No, it's definitely sexual. Tongue kissing is fucking revolting to me.

>>8473124
In a society where physical affection wasn't sexualized, the majority of close friends would probably at least hold hands or put their arm around each other. Does that mean most people who care for each other have romantic attraction?

When it comes to masturbation how many of you use pornography

>>8475750
I don't, and if I ever look at porn at all I feel weird and uncomfortable - there's no way I'd ever be able to fap to it

>>8475750
I almost always use kink porn

>>8475750
everyone but her
>>8475760

>>8475795
Nah, lots of aces don't use porn; see AVEN census threads

>>8475800
>asexual
>masturbation

pick one, einstein

>>8475807
XDD

>>8475750

Never. I find it abhorrent and demeaning for everyone involved

>>8476003
lel

Sorry everyone forgets about you guys

>>8476016
le invisible orientation :(((

>>8476016
>>8476043
I thought this thread was about asexuals, not bisexuals.

>>8476043
le boring orientation :(((

ftfy

>>8476045
do bisexuals also call themselves invisible orientation?

>>8476050
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_erasure

>>8476047
looks good to me

>>8476053
>asexuals dont even have an asexual_erasure page

it doesn't say invisible orientation though only bisexual invisibility or something

>>8476062
>asexuals don't even have an asexual_erasure page
I'm 99% sure whoever added the bi erasure page was bi themselves, or it wouldn't be there. Apparently no asexuals have bothered to make the page.

>it doesn't say invisible orientation though only bisexual invisibility or something
Fair.

>>8476003
what about illustrated porn of fictional characters?

>>8476083
Absolutely revolting.

>>8476086
What about prose depicting sexual activity within the context of a larger narrative that shows a loving relationship?

>>8476083

I >>8476003 don't see the appeal or the point

>>8476112

What is your intent with these questions?

>>8476045
At least bisexuals have a permanent spot on the bltg sandwich
did you know the "a" stands for allies :% )

>>8476136
asexuals are included in queer, why do you want a new letter for yourselves

>>8476136
> :%
what mouth shape is this face meant to have?

>>8476192
probably an offshoot of :^) spawned by purposely misspelling it due to the proximity of ^ and %. i don't think it's meant to have a visual interpretation but rather a cultural/contextual one

File: 1497972696469.png (29KB, 741x568px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 741x568px

>>8473760
>A partner in a queer platonic relationship is called a zucchini.

>>8476215
it was ironic but it caught on but still no one uses it seriously/ people just say QP partner

>>8476198
Actually I just fucked up a :^ )

>>8476138
I dunno I'm just a tranny
But why do allies have to be included in LGBTQ, were civil rights in the 60s to end discrimination against black people and their white allies or something

Then again I should probably just leave before I start some argument in a community I'm not even a member of

>>8476226
;%)

>>8476226
i dont think aces here care that we're not part of the lgbt circus tbqh

>>8476221
even as an ironic thing, how was the name conceived?

>>8476122
I'm >>8476112 and I didn't ask the other questions.

I was just curious if you thought the act of having sex was inherently demeaning for all involved, or just pornographic material, and if the latter, what specifically takes sex from non-demeaning to demeaning in your eyes.

If you don't want to explain, of course you aren't obligated. But since you volunteered an answer to the initial question I figured you might be up for discussing.

>>8476237
squish was from crush
zucchini was a joke cause it's a squash

>>8473760
does the 'queer' in this refer to gay or unusual?

File: mikupissed.jpg (176KB, 548x548px) Image search: [Google]

176KB, 548x548px

What if I don't like sex, but want a gf for companionship?

But I can't relate to the rest of the world because they all love sex?

>>8476848
unusual

>>8477215
that's basically the most common complaint among aces

>Sex-positive means that, so long as it is between consenting adults, you don't think sex is an inherently bad thing for individual people and society in general, and might even be beneficial.
>Sex-negative means that you believe that sex is an inherently negative thing for people and society that causes way more social ills than benefits.

>Sex-favorable means that you find sex a pleasant/favorable activity even if you don't have any desire for it.
>Sex-neutral/indifferent means you are apathetic to the act of sex.
>*sex-averse means that you personally dislike sex or find the idea of you having sex revolting. You can talk about sex, and maybe see erotic images of sex acts; but the idea of YOU doing those things makes you ill.
>*sex-repulsed means the very thought or sight of sex makes you physically ill. Merely talking about it can bring on these feelings of disgust. A more extreme version of sex-averse

Sex-positive/negative is more political and about whether you think sex is a good thing for society or not.
Sex favorable/neutral/averse/repulsed are more personal and about your own physical reactions to sex.

What do you identify yourself as? I am sex-positive and sex-neutral (i.e. can't get aroused by sex)

File: I'm sorry Dave but society just isn't ready for a centaur. Thanks for the offer but it's a no..gif (3MB, 347x281px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 347x281px

>>8477919
sex-favorable
sex-averse

It's fine for other people but I can't picture myself ever engaging in a physical relationship with anyone
Really a hug is going a little too far for me

What if I'm not ace (I'm bi/pan/whatever) but I experience squishes with some frequency in addition to crushes?

In particular, I want a non-sexual but cuddly relationship with two good friends who are married to each other, and sometimes fantasize about living with them and cuddling up between them every night (though I know it wouldn't be fair to be in the middle all the time).

Is there something wrong with my head? The couple has said they'd consider going poly for the right person, and they know more about LGBT+ shit than I do, despite her being straight and him being mostly so. Is there any shot in hell of having such a relationship with them? (Obviously I wouldn't be like 'yo can I move in?' as I know relationships of any sort are a thing that happens over time.)

I know this doesn't really fit perfectly in this general, but you all seem to know more about QP relationships and general non-sexual relationships than anybody else I'm aware of.

Ah, well. If it doesn't happen, they're still really good friends.

>>8476247

Okay I see, I'll try to clarify my views. I will say upfront that my views might not represent a majority of the asexual community.

I don't see sex itself as inherently demeaning. For one, it's obviously important in continuing the species. Also, for people who are sexual it can be a wonderful way for two people to share themselves with each other.

Conversely sex can and frequently does become twisted into something harmful, and I think pornography is a major aspect of that. Part of how I see that has to do with an exploitative element. The people who profit from pornography are often not the people seen displaying themselves and performing. It can get bad enough of a situation at times as to be considered human trafficking. In an age of webcams and so on that's maybe not so much the case any more, but what I would consider the problem of the public nature of porn remains. What I mean by this is how pornography takes sexuality, which to me is a private thing -- one's own, or shared with another person -- and makes it a public commodity for all the world to see and consume.

As for forms of pornography such as animation and writing, these of course don't directly exploit and exhibit someone's sexuality. What does still give me concern though is how they contribute to a general atmosphere of sexualization that encourages viewing others not as people but as mere sexual objects

>>8478138
Fair. I partly agree and partly disagree. There are definitely major issues with how the mainstream porn industry at the least treats its performers. Sex workers in general often get the shit end of the stick, really.

Thanks for elaborating. I appreciate it.

>>8478158
Don't like it? Don't get into porn. Simple as.

>>8478158

You're welcome. Please excuse my earlier defensiveness.

File: osomatsu.jpg (32KB, 350x197px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 350x197px

How many of you watch anime? I've only managed to watch a few, it's amazing how much of it is trash that's barely held afloat by insane quantities of fanservice in place of quality humor/characters/etc. It's amazing the amount of content people are just okay with not being there if there's sexy parts.

File: 1497365361094.png (200KB, 356x256px) Image search: [Google]

200KB, 356x256px

>>8470606
Same, few of my friends got married they aren't around much, my best friend moved his long time gf in to his house i see him once a month or so.

Man, remember all those asexual lynchings, and how asexuals had that disease the government didn't do anything about because it was hoping they'd all just die, and how asexuals had those riots in NYC after cops brutally beat some of them just for who they were? Asexuals totally belong in the LGBT movement due to their long history of oppression and how much solidarity they showed to other people during tough times.

Oh, wait. You didn't declare yourselves to be a thing until it was all about parades and you figured out you could get a cool flag out of the deal.

Asexual literally just means "I have no interest in sex." Yeah, there's some bullshit associated with that, and asexual women even have a risk of the whole, "all she needs is a good dicking" rape scenario, which is fucked up. By and large, though, it's just a term that exists to make some people feel special instead of sad because they don't get horny (either ever or as often depending on the person).

Gay (and lesbian, bi, etc.) is pride at overcoming the kind of shit that gay, lesbian, etc., people deal with. Ace people don't deal with that same shit. If your friends ask you if you think some girl is hot and you say "I don't really find anybody attractive," they might think it's weird or even give you shit for it, but the only way you'll lose them as friends is if they think it's a cover for being gay and they're homophobes. Which is to say, the only way that being asexual presents you with problems on the level that LGBT people deal with is if people mistake you for being lesbian, gay, bi, or trans.

File: 1496589439778.gif (4MB, 425x425px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 425x425px

>>8478463
You are this butthurt

>>8477832
I'll bet. Can someone help my ass??

>>8478716
I'd say suffer in alienation with the rest of us normally, but some anon gave me a bunch of resources that gave me hope here
>>8472739

>>8478463
It's a good thing all we're doing is talking about stuff that relates to us and we're not competing in the Oppression Olympics. You're the unwelcome one here. Now stop trolling other people's threads and go kill yourself. You'll be doing your family a huge favor.

>>8478091
So they want you to be their unicorn/housepet. If that works out for you, fine, just remember that you got the short end of the stick as far as having power in this arrangement. Maybe that alpeals to you, but there's a huge difference between the fantasy of powerlessness, which can be quite pleasant and comforting, and real powerlessness, which sucks a big fat one. Being submissive in bed is purely a fantasy of powerlessness, and having the real power in the relationship doesn't harm the fantasy of your submissiveness; in fact it actually helps. I'd recommend doing whatever you can to acquire power over this couple to compensate for their greater experience together and legal rights as a married couple. Learn secrets. Be there to listen when one wants to vent frustration about the other. Play them against each other a little. Make each one require you exlusively for something they can't get from the other. Make them afraid of displeasing you at least as much as you're afraid of displeasing them.

As for whether you're a "true ace" or not, I don't know, I don't care, and neither should you. Do what satisfies you and let other people label it.

File: Jayne Mansfield.jpg (388KB, 1280x1790px) Image search: [Google]

388KB, 1280x1790px

>>8478860
>be a manipulative, conniving cunt

this is bad advice

>>8478463
Man, remember all those bisexual lynchings, and how bisexuals had that disease the government didn't do anything about because it was hoping they'd all just die, and how bisexuals had those riots in NYC after cops brutally beat some of them just for who they were?

Oh wait. Bisexuals don't face any of that shit, unless they openly date a man. The fact that some of them are able to live a lifestyle that causes people to assume them to be straight means that they don't belong in the LGBT movement. Because that's what LGBT is about. It's not about raising awareness and acceptance for people with minority sexualities, it's about sitting around and talking about how oppressed we all are. Opposing systemic oppression is the reason the movement began, and we'll disband it once people stop getting killed over being gay. Even if there's still discrimination against gays, lesbians, and trans people in ways that aren't physically harmful, we'll disband the LGBT anyways. We don't care about ending discrimination; we only care about stopping physical abuse. That's right, the only way you can get the LGBT community to care about you is if you're being murdered or injured over your sexuality. Just forget about any psychological abuse. That's not worth our time.

That's you. That's what you're implying. According to your logic, everything I just said is true. And you should be happy, because I went through all the trouble of typing it out for you.
Now unless I missed something, I believe there's nothing left for you to say here.

>>8478860
>So they want you to be their unicorn/housepet.
I think you missed something here. They don't know how I feel. I'm asking if it's worth mentioning to them. And I said nothing about being submissive. What the shit?

>true ace
I literally never said anything about being ace. I'm not. At all.

>>8478494
>>8478825
>>8478988
Sorry, I was tired, in a shit mood, and pissed off at the attitudes of some specific smug ace people who have nothing to do with /lgbt/. I shouldn't have made that post.

>>8478091
That's not super uncommon, but it's more of a kink stuff. I don't know if there's still a bdsm general on 4chan; it used to be on /d/ but last time I checked it wasn't there anymore. If not, there's also FetLife where I'm sure people discuss this kind of stuff (i guess unicorn is a relevant work as anon mentioned)

>>8478138
Not him, but I have a feeling you're 30+ based on how you structure your arguments; is that correct?

>>8478463
I partly agree with you but 2 points:


>they might think it's weird or even give you shit for it, but the only way you'll lose them as friends is if they think it's a cover for being gay and they're homophobes

Aphobia is a thing and people often respond more negatively to asexuals than to other LGBT groups: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/without-prejudice/201209/prejudice-against-group-x-asexuals

>Oh, wait. You didn't declare yourselves to be a thing until it was all about parades and you figured out you could get a cool flag out of the deal.

Asexuals still suffered in the past because not wanting to have sex with women/your wife meant you were closeted gay

>>8479388
or could be an autist who reads a lot of scientific literature

All of you are fucking sick, and need to be put down for the good of society.

>>8479627
but we don't even do anything

>>8479627

This is the GSRM equivalent of hounding vegetarians

I've never talked about sexuality with anybody. I guess that in itself marked me as asexual.
I know my friend's reddit username, so from time to time I look through his posts, and I found one where he was clearly talking about me and described me as asexual. So I guess they know, they maybe even talk about it with each other, but nobody's ever talked to me about it.

What exactly is the difference between being asexual and having a low/no sex drive?

>>8479388

I am. Kind of curious what in particular brought you to that conclusion.

As a bonus, I'll throw in that I used to be married, and that I used to be sexual

>>8479627
What exactly do you hope to get out of making a career of trolling /acegen/?

File: 1497491114254.jpg (42KB, 417x393px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 417x393px

>>8478716
I'm currently dating a girl who i broke up with because she wanted too much sex (3x a night, or 6x if i was with her the whole day), we stayed friends, after 2 months she asked if i would date her and she'd respect my decisions regarding sex, it's been good so far.

Just don't give up, be honest about sex and you may get lucky, though I'm fairly certain this relationship will end horribly, but I'm having a fun time for now.

>>8480175
I suppose it can be hard to say whether you're ace or not if you have a low/no sex drive, but basically even if you artificially increase someone's sex drive, if they're ace then it still won't make them want to fuck anyone. And aces sometimes do experience arousal, but it doesn't translate into a desire to have sex with anyone.

>>8480187
yeah im a hypersexual asexual

>>8480164
As long as its not negative talking i guess it's cool, they probably just don't know how to talk with you about it because that's not an easy thing to say. You should bring it up randomly, but id do it after a few beers, everything is easier when there's social lubrication.

Most of my friends insist I'm gay, their minds can not comprehend that someone can be disinterested in sex. Though i do cross dress now and then, and I'm ok with acting like a faggot now and then, So that i guess is kinda my fault

Only i friend believes that I'm asexual, but he still thinks I'm not ding sex right and if i did i wouldn't be asexual

>>8477919
Sex-positive and sex-averse. Masturbation is okay, though, but I have this thing where I hate skin contact, even with myself, so... creativity.

>>8480179
Just the whole vibe; it's a bit old-school--it's something I only saw at people over 30+ on internet communities. I don't know it it's something in particular or just the general syntax, diction, diplomacy, views. I guess from the beginning of the post I felt it read differently than usual posts and when you mentioned your views on pornography I thought this poster is definitely not under 30

How can you have been sexual? Were you actually sexually attracted to the opposite sex or do you mean in terms of sex drive/libido?

>>8480187
That's interesting, you're separating the desire to have sex from being sexually aroused, two concepts that are normally conflated as "sexuality" but logically aren't the same thing.

What about attraction? Which one of those does it go with, or is it a third independent factor that can be with or without either of the other two?

>>8480261
>You should bring it up randomly, but id do it after a few beers,
Thought about it but why bother? It really doesn't need to be talked about. It's my own business, and they can't do anything useful with that information so why talk about it?

It feels sometimes like I'm a shadow, I see all these people walking around worried about gender and sex and love and I just observe all of it without participating. I don't have a sexuality, might as well not have a gender either.
I'm not androgynous in appearance at all, I'm a very hairy manly looking, but if I were, I'd crossdress too, whenever it might be advantageous.

>>8480332

I used to experience sexual attraction but don't anymore. It's possible that the sexual part was never as strong as average, but it was there. I desired and enjoyed sex with my wife, even after I started thinking I could manage if it stopped. There was definitely more to it for me than just the physical part; the emotional connection was much more important

>>8480609
Have you ever considered you may be demisexual?

>>8480634
only wanting sex inside an emotional relationship is not a sexual identity

>>8480648
Maybe you should read Lisa Diamond's study from 2003 on sexual orientations. It is very common that sexual attraction leads to romantic attraction, but for a subset of people it's the other way around: sexual attraction comes only after romantic attraction. It's a seminal study supporting the spit-attraction theory and going into a bunch of stuff. Acting out when someone mentions "demisexual" or something is immature

>>8480675
>i'm retarded
that's ok

>>8480656
Never said it wasn't a real psychological concept, I said it's not a sexuality that requires its own label

>>8480718
Demisexuality is part of the gray asexuality spectrum. Anyway, I was just trying to help

>>8480730
It's not a sexuality in itself, it's a facet of one's sexuality (being het, homo or bi)
Only wanting sex in an emotional relationship and not being interested in hookup culture is not something abnormal that needs to be treated like a special circumstance.

>>8480634

That's a logical question to ask, and I've given it a good amount of though, but it really seems different than what I relate to and identify with

>>8480773
>It's not a sexuality in itself, it's a facet of one's sexuality (being het, homo or bi)

Sexuality is not that simple.

a) It is often hypothesised that romantic attraction has no orientation and in the case of those for which sexual attractions follows romantic attraction, the gender is not that important.
b) Asexuality, besides being a sexual orientation, it can also be seen as from a spectrum perspective Asexuality <-> Sexuality. Those exhibiting sexual attraction very rarely may be easier identified with asexuality rather than any of the allosexual orientation

>>8480773
>Only wanting sex in an emotional relationship and not being interested in hookup culture is not something abnormal that needs to be treated like a special circumstance.
This is not about sexual desire or sexual behaviour. It's about feeling sexual attraction without romantic attraction. For example, some girls feel sexually attracted to celebrities or people on the street without wanting to fuck them. They're not interested in the hookup culture but they feel what is considered normal levels of sexual attraction. Those who feel sexual attraction only in special circumstances are often identified in the grey ace spectrum, and they can use however many labels they want. Demisexuality is a community and it helps people connect. As an asexual, I want to know on a dating website if someone is demisexual or normal sexual, because I'm much more likely to be able to sustain a relationship with a demisexual because of their low levels of sexual attraction.

Anyway, I have no motivation to try to convince anyone about anything. If you truly care about this and you're not just exhibiting gatekeeping or asexual elitism, there's plenty of research to read on asexuality and the split attraction model


>>8480817
I see, thanks for clarifying

>>8480823
>some girls feel sexually attracted to celebrities or people on the street without wanting to fuck them
being aroused by something and being sexually attracted to something are not the same thing. You just described the former.

>>8480830
Read Understanding Asexuality by Bogaert for further distinction on what's sexual attraction and what's sexual desire; I'm not the one confused

>>8480830
being aroused by someone = sexual attraction
being aroused by something =/= sexual attraction

>>8480839
I like it when people who aren't asexual write books about asexuality.
It is almost as if they know what they're talking about.
But not quite.

File: FootFetish068_xlarge.jpg (15KB, 350x262px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 350x262px

>>8480870
>hasn't heard of fetishes

>>8480939

But a fetishist can't become aroused without the fetish

>>8481144
people with fetishes are not exclusively aroused by that fetish

>>8481144
who told you that?

>>8481219
>>8481235

I guess it's a stricter definition I came across somewhere

>>8480773
It's beyond just "not wanting casual sex", it means you simply have no sexual feelings at all towards anyone you're not already emotionally close with. You're basically asexual except for the very few people you do have that sort of emotional closeness with.

>>8481246
That's like the formal academic definition, usually people mean it in a non-exclusive sense though.

>>8481246
>>8481262
It's the mental disorder definition

I've recently been questioning whether or not I'm asexual and was hoping that random people online would be willing to give me their opinions on it. I know for the most part sexuality or lack thereof is largely self-defined but I guess I'm just curious whether or not I fit into other asexual's own definitions.

I've always had an extremely low desire for sex but being trans I had always associated that with the disconnect to my own genitals, which is why I'm not totally sure I fit in.

An ex-girlfriend of mine while I was still closeted pressured me into doing sexual things even though I was mostly uninterested except for basic curiosity and my close friend's opinions that losing their virginity was the best thing to ever happen to them, and while I enjoyed the act of pleasing her well enough as soon as it came to me getting involved past that I found little to no joy in anything we did but played along because I thought that it was normal to feel that way and it was just overhyped.

Similarly the rare times I do have fantasies of a sexual nature it only extends to pleasing someone who I have a strong romantic desire for.

>>8480364
I brought it up mainly because i was tired of being told I'm gay.

It is kinda surreal to explain how we're missing a large chunk of the human perception(sexynees)

I'm a 6'4" hairy redneck my cross dressing is usually just jeans, panties, t shirt

>tfw read acegen and relate to the opinions posted
>read bigen and relate to the things posted
>read gaygen and relate to the things posted

I'm so confused desu
if demi were a real thing I'd be that, but I guess I'm just bi but not interested in sex outside of a committed relationship. porn doesn't arouse me unless it's with characters in the context of a committed emotional relationship - even then I don't actually use it to fap

>>8480939
that's not sexual attraction my boy

>>8481551
Nothing of what you said really answers the question of whether you feel sexually attracted to people or not, which is what asexuality is based on

>>8482258
>if demi were a real thing
Let's not be like that

>>8483285
It's not a sexuality on its own. Being attracted to guy/girl/both/none is a sexuality. What types of guy/girl you're attracted to - appearance wise or emotional bond wise - is just a facet of that sexuality. Nobody calls themselves blacksexual.

I think we are largely in agreement. Demisexuality is a division of sexuality, not parallel to heterosexuality, asexualiy, and so on. But it is still a real thing that is a part of many people's lives and experiences

>>8484112
meant for >>8483982

>>8484112
as a concept it's a thing that describes how some people feel. But you will literally never be able to use it as a label to identify yourself with and expect to be taken seriously

>>8483982
What if who I'm attracted to depends on the context? Like just as an example what if I'm a domme and I'm attracted to the thought of someone being a sub but not to them as a person if they aren't my sub?

>>8484137
subsexual is not a thing
you don't identify based on fetishes or technicalities. Sexual identity labels are just for which sex you find attractive, if any

>>8484150
I don't necessarily disagree with using the term sexuality or orientation that way, but it seems like a lot would be left out by just calling myself straight/gay/bi without mentioning something else which is absolutely essential for my arousal and without which I'm a kind of ace.

>>8484214
People who are only attracted to certain races don't just go and tell everyone that. There's no reason for you to be any different.

>>8467419
>How does asexuality affect your relationship with friends? Do they know/care?
They know and they don't care. It's not like I was coming out as gay when I told them, it's no big deal lol.

>Do you even have that many friends?
A handful of close friends, quite a few acquaintances.

>On a scale from 10 to 10, how afraid are you that all of your friends will leave you behind once they get married?
Not afraid at all.

Pls be my ace gf

>>8484267
I don't think this is really the same...

File: 18424001_450318311982369_5189066287530566857_n.jpg (131KB, 729x712px) Image search: [Google]

131KB, 729x712px

>>8472739
All ace women in my town are obese but one, and she's engaged.

tfw technically aromantic asexual, but practically i can also identify as bisexual because i only exhibit aesthetic, platonic, and sensual attraction which are not really gendered (unless you are conditioned by society/heteronormativity)

i still don't get sexually/romantically attracted to people, but it's not like anyone outside of the ace community even know what these words mean so i may as well identify as bi

>>8486010
>search bigen / bisexual in /lgbt/ catalog
>no results
guess I'm stuck with you faggots

>>8486010
Just as a warning, identifying as bi might get you into some awkward situations with other people who will assume you're sexually/romantically attracted to both genders. If you're okay with people assuming that about you and possibly trying to set you up with people, then go for it. The main reason I even told any of my friends about being asexual was so they'd stop pestering me about who I liked and how I should totally go on a date with some single friend of theirs.

File: Yusuke Painting.jpg (380KB, 850x425px) Image search: [Google]

380KB, 850x425px

>doesn't like girls
>doesn't like boys
>his only love is art
Dare I say it, /acegen/, is he /ourguy/?

>>8486038

Glad to have you faggot

Who /tempace/ here?

Just fapped and now I feel like I don't want sex any more

>>8489662

Whether one masturbates is an entirely different matter from whether one is asexual. Relieving one's urges definitely doesn't make somebody /tempace/

>>8489730
but I masturbated to the thought of me fucking my girlfriend.

>>8489746

Then this is definitely not the label or thread for you

>>8489825
I'm temporary asexual, you ace normie scum!

>>8489825
Whether one thinks of fucking one's girlfriend is an entirely different matter from whether one is asexual.

>>8490029
>>8489730
>>8489825

he's obviously joking tards

>>8467532
>>8468598
Can confirm, an erection paired with just being incredibly uncomfortable. Not fun, and the memory keeps coming back whenever I masturbate.

So, en erection followed by months of disgust whenever another erection occurs.

>>8467419
I have a few friends, probably a normal number. They're on the odder end of things but none are autistic or anything so whatever

You want to discuss the absence of sexuality? What is there to discuss? What the fuck?

>>8491299
>XDDDD

>>8491321
I'm serious though. And I still don't understand what this word is supposed to mean as it's been stripped from all meaning.

Some asexuals have sex, some don't, some masturbate, some don't, some are hetero/bi/gay blahblah, but they're supposed to have zero sexual attraction to people.

So let's take an example, let's call him Anon. Anon is a 21 years old male who fucks his bf in the ass daily and masturbates 5 times a day to gay porn. Anon is asexual. Hehe~

>>8491456
>wait i got more!!! :D
>did i troll acegen yet????
>epicccccc

>>8491466
So you're not going to explain to me what it means? Who's acegen? Why are you greentexting like a retard?

>>8491483
Nope, go fuck yourself

>>8491534
And you wonder why people see you as crazy turbosnowflakes.

>>8491544
Bitch bye

File: 1.1mfw (2).gif (455KB, 357x267px) Image search: [Google]

455KB, 357x267px

>>8472317
You ever had a Chad say "What if you're not gay?... Maybe you just haven't had the right cock yet?"...

Yeah, you just became that guy.

>>8491456

If you are serious, then pardon the other anon's defensive response. Starting off with 'What the fuck?' was maybe not the best move on your part.

As you say, the essence of asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction. There are a couple of important distinctions to be made. One is the difference between sexual attraction and sex drive/libido. An asexual person can still have a sex drive and therefore be inclined to masturbate.

Another distinction is among the different kinds of attraction, in particular between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. An asexual person can be attracted to people romantically, and have a relationship even, without having sexual feelings for the other person. And, it's possible for an asexual person to have sex, for example, for the purpose of pleasing a non-asexual partner.

As with other aspects of sexuality, asexuality exists on a spectrum, with some people, for example, having sexual feelings under limited circumstances such as only after forming a strong emotional bond with someone.

>>8491792
Trolled hard lmfao faggot

>>8491801
>I'm serious though

>>8491792
I see. I still find the term inadequate. What do asexual masturbate to? Do they just do it without thinking about anything at all?

>>8491821

Porn is not often involved. It's often just the person and their thoughts, which may be about something non-sexual or about really nothing at all

>>8491855
>Porn is not often involved
Lmao shut the fuck up and stop spreading misinformation. People masturbate to porn all the time; see AVEN census threads. And it's whatever porn they fucking want

>>8491855
If that's true I find it really amazing. I don't really understand how you can fap thinking about nothing. I mean I can but it sounds tiring and not really that pleasurable at all.

File: 2017-06-25-012648_975x255_scrot.png (24KB, 975x255px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 975x255px

>>8491855
>>8491862
1/3 watches porn, 1/3 uses imagination, 1/3 doesn't masturbate

>>8491862
For sure there are some who do use it, but overall it's not as prevalent as among non-asexuals

>>8491890
It really boils down to libido. And there are those who never even do it in the first place

>>8491928
>but overall it's not as prevalent as among non-asexuals
that's not what "porn is not often involved" entails my friend

File: 2017-06-25-013431_945x241_scrot.png (24KB, 945x241px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 945x241px

>>8491926
more

File: 2017-06-25-013721_968x333_scrot.png (36KB, 968x333px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 968x333px

>>8491959
And bear in mind this is skewed towards a high number of females who are traditionally thought to be less inclined to porn

If I like eating pussy am i asexual

>>8491959
>>8491969
This is stupid as fuck. Obviously it should be broken down by sex.

>>8491792
>the essence of asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction.
But what about all the asexuals here >>8491926 who masturbate to people? If they masturbate to people or porn how can they be said not to have sexual attraction?

I just read the whole thread. It was really interesting. Bump.

>>8492889

There are two differences. For one, you're talking about stimulation and not attraction. Also, what you're describing is a solitary act, and one already taking place, and not the desire for an act with another person to happen

>>8492822
You're stupid as fuck

>>8494210
Aren't you tired of saying all this bullshit? An asexual may very well have a "desire for an act with another person to happen" if they enjoy/desire sex (cupiosexuals) and they want that person in particular because maybe they are in a QPR or maybe the asexual wants to have sex only with people to whom they feel sensually/aesthetically/romantically attracted to.

>>8494241

This >>8494210 was specifically an answer to this >>8492889. Yes of course it is possible for some asexuals to enjoy sex, or for some to experience sexual attraction in the context of a deep emotional bond and so on, but all of that is not relevant to the particular question at hand

>>8494210
so tl;dr someone can masturbate to pictures of people (sexual attraction) but they're still asexual if they don't desire sex with another person?

>>8494296
>or for some to experience sexual attraction in the context of a deep emotional bond and so on
But that's exactly what >>8491792 said made someone not asexual!

>>8494296
i didn't say they would experience sexual attraction and it is relevant to the question

>>8494297
your tl;dr is stupid and so are you

>>8494310
>your tl;dr is stupid and so are you
Maybe you can explain what you actually mean then...

>>8494315
nah

>>8494307
You didn't read the last paragraph of that post

>>8494315

You are conflating 'masturbating to pictures of people' with sexual attraction, but they are not the same thing. The distinction has already been made for you. Take some time to think about the difference

>>8494317
So an asexual can have sexual attraction, since it's a spectrum, it's just a lower level of sexual attraction than a 100% non-ace person?

>>8494320
Where has the distinction been made? What is masturbating to a picture of a person if not sexual attraction to them? Why else would you do it?

>>8467419
I know this isn't mtfgen, and my question might sound dumb to you
but how do I differentiate genital dysphoria from asexuality?
pre-HRT I used to be able to masturbate, but my sexual fantasies didn't involve other people and were more like masochistic fetishes
in the past I felt like my high libido forced me to think of something I could masturbate to
now that I'm taking hormones those fetishes are gone
I can still get an erection if I imagine myself with different genitals, but there's also a mental block now that prevents an orgasm
I never felt a lot of sexual attraction towards other people, but recently I started to wish I had a romantic partner who cuddles with me
so... does that make me asexual or more like a really weird person?

>>8494332
>Why else would you do it?
paraphilia, fetishes, kinks, some fantasies

I don't want to bone people, add me to the acronym please.

>>8494478
:D

>>8494332
The idea of asexuality being on a spectrum is never a good way of explaining it. An asexual is someone who experiences zero sexual attraction, period. There are other sexual descriptors (Demisexual, graysexual, etc) that people like to describe as "types of asexuality," but that is false. What they mean is that they are "kind of like asexuality." Demisexuals and such are not types of asexuals.

As for the masturbating part of your post, there's a difference between arousal and sexual desire. People can be aroused by any number of things. Hell, there was one guy who got a stiffy whenever his girlfriend put her hair in a ponytail because she would always do it before blowing him. However, just because something aroused you does not mean you wish to have sex with the cause of that arousal.
If you want an answer to the "why do you do it," I can give my own personal experience as an example. As a kid, I wasn't sure what my sexuality was, so I assumed I was straight. I would masturbate because it felt good, and I pulled up straight porn because I was "supposed to." After years of this, I eventually made this mental link of "naked women = fap time." Now I prefer to masturbate to images of naked women. I never want to fuck them, but those images have become an easy catalyst for masturbating for me. I could masturbate without those images perfectly fine, but they make the process go faster, and I often just want to get it over with so I can move on to do other things. (Plus, I've tried going without photos, and it was really boring because I had nothing to think about.)

>>8494320
>You are conflating 'masturbating to pictures of people' with sexual attraction, but they are not the same thing
So you're saying that they masturbate to things they're not attracted to? Now that makes no fucking sense. In order to trigger sexual arousal you have to have attraction.

>>8494431
Assuming what you're saying here is that you've never had the desire to fuck another person, I'd say you've always been asexual. If that desire was once there and has since gone away, feel free to use the label for as long as it applies to you. As for the specific details, it sounds like your transition, for whatever reason, has caused your sexual drive to take a hit, which is different from sexual desire.

>>8494507
Read >>8494502.

>>8486010
>tfw had a sensual dream where i was touching a guy i knew from childhood

surely any real person that's not ace would label me as bi if i told them this. they don't really comprehend subtleties like what's sexual attraction or that i don't want to have sex

>>8494461
So what's the difference between those and sexual attraction?

>>8494531
in those cases, sexual desire is directed towards an activitiy, while sexual attraction is directed towards a person

>have a friend that I get to cuddle
>get an erection from doing it
>but don't have any conscious desire to sex him

Does that count as asexual still, or am I just lying to myself and using denial so that my thoughts don't match my feelings?

>>8494507
>In order to trigger sexual arousal you have to have attraction
No. Why do you think that? I think you have everything about sexuality wrapped up in a single idea without recognizing its different aspects

>>8494540
Cuddleboners are real and they suck. They don't mean shit.

>>8494512
>Assuming what you're saying here is that you've never had the desire to fuck another person, I'd say you've always been asexual.
>>8494502
>An asexual is someone who experiences zero sexual attraction, period.
Which one is it, zero desire to fuck or zero attraction?

>there's a difference between arousal and sexual desire.
Sexual desire meaning sexual attraction?

>Now I prefer to masturbate to images of naked women.
>Plus, I've tried going without photos, and it was really boring because I had nothing to think about.
You look at and think about naked women to get aroused. How is that different in any way from sexual attraction?

>>8494563
sexual desire/attraction is the conscious desire to want to have sex with a thing
getting aroused from something and being sexually attracted to something is not the same thing

>>8494563
>Which one is it, zero desire to fuck or zero attraction?
They don't contradict each other. If you've never had the desire to fuck another person, then you've most likely never experienced sexual attraction. However, you may have had a desire to have sex with someone (maybe because you think sex is fun and that someone is someone you like without feeling sexually attracted to them) without experiencing sexual attraction

In other words, sexual attraction results in sexual desire but sexual desire does not need to result in sexual attraction

>>8494565
And I don't know why this user claims this. Sexual desire can result in desire for solitary sexual activities such as masturbation. In the literature, sexual desire and sex drive are often used interchangeably.

However, sexual attraction in the framework of asexuality refers to feeling sexually attracted *to someone*, and is the same as experiencing sexual desire *towards someone*, but not the same as sexual desire in all its forms (towards an activity such as masturbation or even sex)

Anyway, the vast majority of asexuals don't experience any sexual desire towards sex

>>8494586
The way I've been using the phrases, sexual attraction, sexual desire, and wanting to fuck someone all mean the same thing.

They are separate from arousal (physical response of sexual organs) and sex drive (desire for sexual release).

>>8494581
I have to disagree with you here. Wanting to fuck a specific someone, even because "you think sex is fun" is the definition of sexual attraction. If you desire sex with specific people, you're not asexual.

>>8494565
>>8494581
Got it, my confusion was thinking of "sexual attraction" of meaning something broader than purely desire to have sex with.

>>8494586
>Sexual desire can result in desire for solitary sexual activities such as masturbation.
They were using sexual desire specifically to mean desiring sex with someone else, not wanting sexual activities other than sexual intercourse, such as masturbation.

>sexual attraction in the framework of asexuality refers to feeling sexually attracted *to someone*, and is the same as experiencing sexual desire *towards someone*
What do you mean by attraction to/towards someone?

That other anon, or you, mentioned getting off to pictures and the thought of naked women. Is that "attraction to"?

>>8494602
>If you desire sex with specific people, you're not asexual.
False, just because you think sex is fun, doesn't mean you should be ok with wanting to have sex with anyone. You may be averse to touching strangers, and you may only want to have sex with those to whom you experience sensual attraction. That someone is chosen not because you are sexually attracted to them, but because they fit the criteria to allow sex to be enjoyable. Nothing to do with sexual attraction but with nonsexual preferences. Or maybe sex is enjoyable with one person because they fuck well

>>8494606
>That other anon, or you, mentioned getting off to pictures and the thought of naked women. Is that "attraction to"?
I'm not either of them, but going by how the anon described it, it seems like a pretty abnormal case
Anon finds pictures of naked women arousing (ie gives him an erection) because over time he trained himself to think "naked woman = time to fap". I consider that to be a different scenario to what is considered the normal "naked woman = want to have sex with = time to fantasize about that and fap"

>>8494606
>That other anon, or you, mentioned getting off to pictures and the thought of naked women. Is that "attraction to"?
Anon described how he conditioned himself. If you constantly orgasm to the same things, the arousal is thought to increase when seeing those things (see foot fetishists who may become gradually more aroused from feet)

>>8494629
>>8494634
What's the difference between that and conventional "attraction to" though?

>>8494634
Can we condition ourselves to get aroused by the thought of having sex? I want to have sex but I have no sexual desire (so I cant stay hard) only cognitive desire

>>8494607
That was no adequately conveyed in >>8494581. I'm trying to ensure people understand that there is no version of asexual that wants to have sex with specific people. What you are describing is someone who wants to have sex, and has certain people that they are comfortable doing it with. The difference (I imagine, as I am neither allosexual or sex-favorable), is that sex-favorable people enjoy sex the same way people enjoy watching sitcoms (it's just something fun to do), while for allosexuals theres something more to it, something alluring, almost obsessive about the actual of sex, beyond it just "feeling good."

>>8494667
This is an (admittedly abnormal) example of where something causes arousal, as in a physical sexual response. This differs from conventional attraction because it is not tied to a desire to fuck a person. Arousal is tied purely to the response, and not to any particular desire. It is often coupled with a desire for sexual release, and for allosexuals, is almost always tied with a desire for intercourse with a particular person. For asexuals however, that desire for intercourse with a sepcifix person is never part of it. Some asexuals may desire release through intercourse specifically, but that's just their preferred method.
Bottom line is this: some asexuals are aroused by things. Some asexuals will seek sexual release after this initial arousal. Sex-favorable asexuals may even pursue intercourse to achieve this release. However, the person they engage in sex with is not the cause of the arousal, and the only reason they may prefer a specific person would be due to the need to have sex with someone they trust. See >>8494712.
I hope this is clear enough, but if anything confuses you, I invite you to state the source of your confusion (though I doubt I have to tell you that).

>>8494712
>while for allosexuals theres something more to it, something alluring, almost obsessive about the actual of sex, beyond it just "feeling good."
But an asexual might feel that without sexual attraction to her partner.

>>8494754
>might
I ask that you only give this hypothetical if you are speaking from personal experience.

>>8494753
I see.

>Some asexuals may desire release through intercourse specifically, but that's just their preferred method.
What if someone's aroused and their arousal is tied to a particular desire, but that desire isn't intercourse with a particular person?

>However, the person they engage in sex with is not the cause of the arousal, and the only reason they may prefer a specific person would be due to the need to have sex with someone they trust.
What if someone is aroused by a specific person, but that arousal isn't tied to a desire to engage in sex with them?

>>8494910
>What if someone's aroused and their arousal is tied to a particular desire, but that desire isn't intercourse with a particular person?
Depending on the desire and person, I imagine in most cases they would do whatever that desire entails, let it go, or masturbate.

>What if someone is aroused by a specific person, but that arousal isn't tied to a desire to engage in sex with them?
If you don't want to fuck someone, you don't fuck them.

>>8495006
For both questions the issue was whether that's asexual or not and why/why not.

I'm so cool

Just came back from Pride and it's amazing how LGBT+ still doesn't acknowledge us. It was simply shocking to see how invisible we are even to those who are supposed to be the open minded kind...


Just kidding I didn't go anywhere; I'm not even sure what's Pride and I don't know anything about LGBT

File: pflag_logo.jpg (82KB, 850x880px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 850x880px

>>8497442
>Just kidding I didn't go anywhere

I was worried that you had left the house!
"Be careful it's scary out there!"

>tfw i define asexuality based on what i do because i'm the epitome of asexuality

honestly, i think a good part of self-identified aces are not actually aces because i say so. all the touch-averse traumatised autists who want to be asexual cause they're sexual rejects are not asexual. secondly, romantic orientation doesn't exist so if you're either aromantic or romantic. next, if you think desire for partnered sex alone has any bearing on asexuality you're stupid and you should stop engaging in debates. finally, non-asexuals who want to understand asexuality can go fuck themselves because first of all why do they even care and secondly they won't get it because they're usually dumb.

>>8479928
your existance makes me SICK

>>8480151
what is GSRM?

>>8480182
it's all part of the master plan

File: 1497975828435.png (385KB, 1252x974px) Image search: [Google]

385KB, 1252x974px

>best friend tells me how he had sex with his gf for the first time
>suddenly feel sad
>realize that I want to know what that's like - not with him, but having sex with someone I care about
>but there's nobody I can project those feelings onto
>find some people visually attractive but it's never sexual
>perhaps that's because I don't know them
>yet also don't have the motivation to get to know them
>If friends ever ask "would you fuck her" type questions my first internal thought is "but I don't know her"
>if I ever masturbate to anything besides the thought of masturbation itself, it's characters from shows that are in an emotional relationship, usually gay
Is this what demi is?

>>8495023
Right, ok. Will try again.

>What if someone's aroused and their arousal is tied to a particular desire, but that desire isn't intercourse with a particular person?
I would guess that the most common examples of this would be fetishists and people aroused by fantasies that do not involve themselves having sex. In each of these cases (and many similar ones), I would callisfy these people as asexuals, as the attraction is not towards a person.

>What if someone is aroused by a specific person, but that arousal isn't tied to a desire to engage in sex with them?
I find it difficult to imagine a scenario where a person arouses you without you wanting to have sex with them, except for the "naked women = fap time" scenario from >>8494502. In that particular case, the person is asexual in my book, because once again, the arousal is not coupled with any desire to have sex with the person that caused the arousal.

I need advice and I hope this is the best place to ask for it.

If you're married to an ace person where you're both romantically attracted to each other, but the ace person isn't sexually into you and while you're not sexually into them either you just can't let go of the need for intimacy...I don't know what do you do?

I feel like my options from here are:

A. Get what I need behind his back and just hope it never comes up.
B. Demand to open the relationship up.
C. Leave

Option C is something I don't think I'll ever have the strength to do and I care about my spouse too much to hurt them like that but I don't know what to do. I'm constantly depressed over this, and it's only made worse by friends close to me who are like "Well...I'd fuck you so..."

He's not willing to consider opening up our relationship. I get it, it's not fair to him but to give him what he wants is also not fair to me. Where is the middle ground here? Is there even one?

>>8499668
Forgive me for asking, but what was it that made you marry him in the first place? Were you not aware of these issues at the time?

>>8500002
I love who he is, that's why we're both still romantically into each other. I wasn't aware that ace was even a thing. I just thought there were hangups that could be worked out, you know maybe he just needed the right kind of love and it would all come around slowly. I don't really know why it ended up like this. I didn't care much at first, but as the years have worn on I've come to just be more and more sad over this even though for the longest time it was just no big deal. I can't explain why it feels so shitty now, it just does like something that's festered and eating me from the inside.

>>8500030
One option you didn't list is "talk to him about it". Does that mean you already have? What did he say?

>>8500136
Yeah, we've been talking about it and I finally got him to be more open about it all today.

He said: "Sorry sweetie. I don't have any advice for you." So that's why I'm here. Have to sleep now, will check later.

>>8498476
maybe. try /r/demisexuality

>>8499668
Lmao obviously option A is not a real option are you serious? You want us to advice you to cheat on your husband?

Your only options are not to have sex with anyone, convince him to open up the relationship, or leave him. Stop pushing that bullshit that you care too much about him to hurt him. He will be fine; you should first admit to yourself that you're simply scared for yourself then you can decide what you want to do

>>8498613
>I find it difficult to imagine a scenario where a person arouses you without you wanting to have sex with them,
It could be wanting to see them masturbate or have sex with someone else.

Or a fetish/other fantasy, like for the other question, such as spanking them instead of having sex with them.

>>8499668
D. Pressure him into sex.

>>8500262
That won't work if you want to maintain a long-term relationship. I know from my 2 years and a half relationship. It will just make him feel miserable and to be honest from ""Sorry sweetie. I don't have any advice for you." I think he wouldn't be too devastated if she left him. I know at points I was wishing my partner would just leave me because the pressure of sexual activities was too much

>>8500356
>if you want to maintain a long-term relationship.
Judging by the ideas she suggested in the first place...

>>8500191
No, I really wasn't serious. It was just the only options I could think of and they all make me want to cry. Of course I'm scared, I feel like I'm being pulled apart.

>>8500262
Doesn't work and it hurt our relationship. All that came from that was anger and tears and I still feel guilty and ashamed of myself over that.

>>8500356
He wouldn't be surprised, but I know it'd ruin his life. He needles me every so often saying it's only a matter of time before I leave when that's the last thing in the world I want. We still love each other very much and I've given him everything and made his life easy for so long that I'm afraid for what would happen to him without me. I know he's depressed and guilty over all of this as it is, I can see it in his face.

I just don't know what to do. I feel paralyzed, so I guess nothing.

>>8501341
>what would happen to him without me.
Nothing; he'll be fine. People

You're obviously unhappy and I doubt that it will get a lot better with time. I don't know how old you two are, but committing to a sinking ship is likely the wrong move. I'd have a serious talk and I'd seriously consider breaking if the discussion leads nowhere.

>>8503298
>People
Unfinished sentence, sorry.

People divorce/break up all the time, and they all survive just fine.

>>8503298
Thanks for the advice anon. I'm going to try to talk to him more when I can find the nerve. I don't feel like it will be any different, but I still want to try. If I can't find the strength to leave I feel like we're going to rip apart anyway...

>no drive or urge to have sex
>never find anyone of either sex attractive
>trivial to get myself aroused with the right art or fantasy
>...but those still don't include any kind of sexual interaction, even in my head
And yet someone here will tell me that I'm not ace.

>>8503778
>urge to have an intimate and sexual relationship
>enjoy sex
>get turned looking at hot people
>fantasies involve sleeping with them
And yet I'm told here that I am ace.

>>8503825
>And yet I'm told here that I am ace.
with what reasoning?

>>8503919
Because what turns me on isn't the thought of having sex with somebody, even though having sex with somebody can be involved in what does.

>>8494524
that's lewd, anon !
>tfw all these ''demi'' tards in the thread
>tfw not being hugged/cuddled

>>8505336
don't bully the demis

>>8505358
I can't bully them if they don't exist

>>8505388
they exist more than pure asexuals

>>8505392
that's not existing, that's just called attention-seeking

>>8503991
>>8503825
I don't think you have the cognitive capacity to understand what's asexuality

>>8505392
how?

>>8505990
yup, pretty messed up fa m

you need to grow up and ignore your parents' wishes

>>8505990
so you have a gf but your parents don't know, they're asking you why you don't have a gf and you haven't told them that you do?

>>8506145
no, he said he got a gf cause his parents were pressuring but it's all based on a lie (i.e. he probably told her he loves her but he doesn't give a shit about her)

basically he's a manchild who cannot stand up to his emotionally abusive parents

If you haven't read "Understanding Asexuality" by Bogaert please refrain from posting in these threads

>>8514664
No.

>>8514664
give me the greentext version

>>8514712
>announcing reports

>>8514715
NO SPOONFEEDING

>>8473783

My first-and-only thought that all romantic kissing involved tongue.

>>8473795

To me, it feels like I discovered an extra part of my "self" that had always been there, but there were "reasons" why it never clicked. I didn't date in highschool because I was there to study. I didn't date at work because either I chose not to defecate where I dined or I was working somewhere where that would not have been a morally good thing to do.

I'm still a solitaire. I don't know any other Aces-Who-Identify-As-Such in meatspace, but I don't need to. Here exists. I don't care if /acegen/ is a flock of wolves, at least we are not a bunch of sploshing festishers like AVEN.

>>8475750

I do. Fap Hero and the written word work well for me. Pro porn is horrible.

>>8475807

Regardless of the fact that we don't feel the need to breed, orgasms still feel pretty good.

>>8476016

Eh, we're just submarines. Some of us surface, some of us run silently, some of us dive beyond crush depth.

I'm personally happy to go loud, but not surface until a certain condition is met.

>>8476226

I think Allies were more for those who wanted to support the cause, but for personal reasons, chose not to come out of the closet just yet. That way, if anyone questioned their appearance at a Rainbow event, they could say that they support the movement without all the other baggage that would come with it.

It's kind of like how feminism wasn't originally about smashing the patriarchy, but for a womans right to choose if she worked or not.Times changed and we have TERFs and those who want to replace "The Patriarchy" with "The Matriarchy"

>>8477919

Sex-positive/indifferent.

I have no drive to pass on my genes. I do have a drive to pass on my memes via anyone who can identify with them.

>>8515184
Feminism was about female privilege from the very start.

>>8473795
>Like I feel like I'd be really boring if all I cared about was sex.
Stop fucking pushing this shit that non-asexuals only care about sex hurrr durr; that's fucking retarded and it makes us look like some retarded hollier than thou bullshit community

But I do agree that it makes platonic relationships easier. I have a really good female friend and we always go at each other's place and spend time together, but there's never an underlying suspicion of "does she think I want to have sex" "does he hang out with me to have sex eventually" and so on. She knows I'm aromantic asexual so there's literally nothing that I want more out of the friendship other than spending time together as good friends. And I know she doesn't expect anything else either so it's very relaxing and pleasant.

>>8515184
>I don't care if /acegen/ is a flock of wolves, at least we are not a bunch of sploshing festishers like AVEN.
What are you talking about here?

Double post, sorry!
>>8478393

I do.

The trick is finding a series that either can support itself without needing the fanservice or makes you feel bad for enjoying the fanservice.

Eiken is one that couldn't. There's a reason why one multiverse-looping story universe uses Eiken crossovers as a punishment for seriously messing with things as if you strip away the fanservice, it's quite boring.

>>8478463

I'm sorry, We Aces were not aware that we had to be beaten up, infected and/or riot in order to gain entry into your Rainbow Collective.

I personally thought that the Rainbow was all about INCLUSION, not EXCLUSION. We may not have been where you've been or stood where we're standing, but you've been through similar struggles to where we are now. Do the words "Have you tried not being Gay?" sound familiar? That's roughly what we face if/when we come out to our families. We could still face YHWH's fanclub being upset at our existence for not doing our YHWH-given duty to be fruitful and multiply. (That and may of us are probably Onanists).

The fact is, we just want somewhere to belong.

>>8479627

Hello, old friend. I missed you.

Still in that heavily metal-clad casket you call a closet? I remind you that the air outside your casket is a lot better for you than the air inside it. You'll feel better when you come out.

Anyway, the thing is, putting us down for the good of society won't achieve anything that isn't already being done. We're not breeding. Asexuality would be a self-terminating gene if there was one. As long as celibate orders exist, our memes will continue. The destruction of celibate orders is a far bigger battle than you and your infection can do, let alone win.

>>8481144

Sadly, that's the old definition. Language evolves over time and words change meaning.

>>8481551

Had my relationship with my First-and-Only gotten to that part, I'd probably have been in the same boat, in that my own pleasure would have been secondary to theirs.

Triple post WHEEE!

>>8481551

I'd probably just feel a sense of satisfaction that my partner had a good time.

I think of it like Data from Next Gen. Sure, he was fully functional, anatomically correct and programmed in multiple techniques, but he'd feel no pleasure in using them beyond a job well done, nor would he have felt anything if those techniques being used on him.

>>8489662

Sage Time =/= Asexuality.

>>8515206

Sploshing is a fetish involving food. Most common expression involves cake.

And with this, I'm up to date with the thread!

>>8515184
>>8515232
>>8515247
>tfw none of my posts got quoted

>>8515275
Maybe they're shit posts. Shitposts, if you will. Like the one I'm replying to, and this one itself.

>>8514664
i have been ace since before there was a flag for it so you can go fuck yourself

I'm new here, so I was wondering if you all would help me. I'm not quite sure if I'm asexual. I get aroused by certain things, but the thought of actually being with a person isn't appealing. I've had sex, but it was kind of a chore to finish, and I didn't really feel too great afterwards. I love being alone and doing things by myself more than I do with others. I love my friends, but I've always done better on my own. Relationships seem exhausting and a lot of work, and sexI am desire is something I can take care of by masturbating. There really isn't anyone I could see myself wanting to date. Am I asexual, or just a loner?

>>8517600
>I've had sex, but it was kind of a chore to finish
was this a one night stand or in an emotionally committed relationship?

>>8517623
It's a weird story. My buddies knew I was a virgin at the time, and we were working in Germany for a bit. We were on a trip in Nuremburg, and they suggested I get a holler at the red light, which I did. I haven't been in a relationship before.

>>8517636
*hooker, not holler

>>8517636
That would explain why you weren't into it
Society puts a lot of mental weight on virginity to the point where people like yourself, often pressured by friends, feel like they need to have sex just for the sake of losing the label

I can't say whether you're asexual or not, but I'd caution you not to rule out ever wanting sex completely just because of that one experience. Some people are demisexual (whether that's a valid identity on its own or just a facet of het/homo/bi sexuality is up for debate, not relevant here), meaning they only become sexually attracted to people once they're already in an established emotional relationship with them. Some people might get mad at me for saying this but it truly is possible that while there's nobody you currently know that you have any interest in dating, it's possible that you might meet someone new that you become interested in at some point in the future. It's also possible you won't, but my point is more that you shouldn't rule it out completely by thinking of yourself as an absolute like asexual

>>8517668
Thanks, I appreciate the input. Maybe I haven't met the right person, who knows. I just haven't met anyone who I think I could be involved in romantically that wouldn't hinder me enjoying life. Maybe I'm selfish or narcissistic, but I don't like people enough for that.

>>8517701
Do your friends ever talk about having sex with their partners? If so, how does hearing about it make you feel?

>>8517719
A little, yeah. I'm good friends with several married guys. I get envious sometimes, because they all love their wives.vTheir wives are all nice, but I couldn't see myself having one, at least not how I am right now. I honestly enjoy doing stuff on my own. Sometimes, when I jack off, I think of being romantic with a nice girl, and it seems great. The moment I finish though, I can't stop thinking about how annoying girls are and how I probably couldn't keep myself or her happy in a relationship. It's weird.

>>8517758
I can relate to your situation a lot actually
I don't have any desire to initiate a relationship or use dating/hookup apps for cheap sex, but at the same time when hearing about my friends' sexual encounters it makes me feel kind of sad in a sense - like it makes me realize that I actually care about experiencing what that's like for myself, yet at the same time that longing (for lack of a better word) isn't strong enough to motivate me to actually seek it out in any way. If I find myself in a relationship without trying I would probably go along with it. I have this gay friend, we used to hang out a bit and be a bit sensual (hugging, being a bit touchy with each other in a non-sexual way etc) but nothing more than that. I didn't know he was gay at the time, only found out when I met him and his boyfriend like half a year after we stopped hanging out. If I had known and he was into me, I probably would have tried some sexual shit. Maybe still will if they break up. But at the same time, I can't see myself in a long term relationship with him for a multitude of reasons not worth getting into here - I don't know if that contradicts my own thinking of 'not interested in sex outside of a relationship' or if a friendship bond is good enough for that condition while not being life partners.

I have a friend who I believe used to think the same way regarding not being sex driven, but he recently lost his virginity to his gf of a few months. They only had sex twice before breaking up. I asked him if he thinks of sex any differently now and he did say he's been thinking of it more and was considering whether he wants to do hookups now. So I don't know if maybe that could happen to me, and suddenly my views of sex will change after I've had it. I don't know if that should matter or be reason to seek out sex sooner, either, because like I said even that isn't enough to get me motivated to have a relationship

>>8515775
Everyone has been ace since they were born dumb faggot

>>8517600
you are asexual if you don't feel sexual attracted to people. you may still have sexual desires towards activities. most of what you are describing relates to romantic attraction, personality, mood, etc. this does not provide very useful information about your sexual orientation

>>8518894

That may be true for most asexuals, but it's not always true

>>8519019
It's typically true for men where sexuality is not really fluid and men are "everyone" for all intents and purposes because women are dumb