/repgen/ - Repression General

>>8465171
>What gives you hope or happiness?
Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see female qualities in my face and think maybe I could transition.

I'm pretty far down the rabbit hole.

>>8465171
Im just a man with feminization fetish.

My repressed side's personality would kill everyone around. Im goign to join the army.

>>8465171
I flip between wanting to repress and thinking transitioning would surely ruin my life and wanting to transition almost daily. How do I make it stop?

>>8465321
I dunno I'm the same way.

I take stuff to stop mpb and I try to stay low T though cause I'm prepping my life for when shit hits the fan lol

>>8465321
transition anon, repressing isn't healthy for you, you're a girl after all

>>8465348
Please call me a girl, tie me up and force-feed me skittles

Iv been intro/retrospecting too much and It's painful to realize how I always had a desire to be a woman but tried to be a man, it feels almost masochistic it hurts so good.

anyone here been repressed by a stealth, before u knew what tranz is?

>>8465348
It's probably not healthy but I can't really help it. I don't know how to explain it but I think of all the bad things that could happen if I transition and it scares me into not wanting to.

>>8465427
i can't because i'm still waiting for someone to do that to me :(
>tfw have known for 5 years and could've passed if i transitioned when i was 14
>tfw i still have a chance at transitioning and passing but i'm wasting it because i'm scared of not passing even though the longer i wait the less chance i have at passing
desu anon i think 95% of the people in this general need that to happen to them

>>8465449
When I transition I know my life is just going to implode so I'm probs gonna go out inna woods, make meth, pop titty skittles, then kill myself after a couple years.

>>8465348
>you're a girl after all
No she's not.

>>8465476
>no she's not
>she's not
>she
:^)

>>8465171

My repressed side personality is me without anxiety, depression and more outgoing and sensitive

>What gives you hope?
My body and the sensation that maybe someday i'll stop being a retard and accept what i am/order the mones before buying a gun with my junkie contacts and shoot myself in the brain

>What gives you "happiness"
Drinking until i pass out and have the sensation i'm dying. Only lasts after i (unfortunately) wake up.

>>8465545
>the sensation that maybe someday i'll stop being a retard and accept what i am/order the mones before buying a gun with my junkie contacts and shoot myself in the brain
I know how you feel. I wish I would just get on HRT and stop being a dumbass.

I'll probably get on heavy drugs, my life is wasted anyway.

>>8465565
>wasted
How so anon?

>>8465545
>Drinking until i pass out and have the sensation i'm dying. Only lasts after i (unfortunately) wake up.
ugh I do this too.

Unfortunately I can use psychs anymore cause of my anxiety. I have horrible trips every single time. They used to be the one thing that could temporarily relieve my depression though.

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>>8465560
Ikr?? It's literally two steps away but i don't fucking do it already and my life is slowly passing by. I feel that i can end up doing it when it's too-too late (because it's already too late but things can always get worse)

>>8465574
OMG SAME! I've used to do cheap lsd, it worked great for some months but then every trip started to be a bad trip. Tried weed with my cousin yesterday, felt like i was going to die at any moment and i've started to cry. I'll settle down with alcohol until i find another way of indulced escapism

I'm broken but i think i'll get some cheap vodka and pass out again. See you all.

>>8465626
Yeah LSD sends me on wild bad trips now. Last time I did dxm I ended up crying for like 3 hours as well and my parents called 911 cause they thought I was going to kill myself....
I did a small dose of mdma awhile ago and it was okay though. Weed has always been okay as long as it's an indica strain.

>>8465573
Like a car that you crashed and left in the backyard without repairs, rotting under the snow and rain for years.

>>8465651
You could buff it out

>>8465626
>>8465574
You did lsd alone? its kinda shit and not fun
I'd only do drugs when I had good friends with me (weed is not a drug)

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Here's the movie idea from the last thread.

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>>8465675
And here's a version without the extra comments by anons, just the movie idea itself.

>>8465673
I've done it alone and with my friends. I don't really see my friends very much anymore though.
I do drugs by myself quite a bit because I think it helps with depression to be alone for the night.

>>8465708
did it change anything about your gender identity or give you any ideas?

I honestly dont think it did anything for me but I was 'normal' at that time and had other concerns on my mind
Wonder how I would I feel now if I took MDMA or any psychoactive shit

>>8465757
The first time I did LSD everything was just fine. Went and watched a magic show with a friend, went to the bar and had a drink or two. Went home and everything was fine.

Second time I did LSD I had a horrible trip. I was at a party and was freaking out, there was people there that didn't know me. I went and tried to bury my head out in their garden cause all the things going on in my head were freaking me out. I ended up throwing up all over this random girls house that I didn't even know. After that I've never used lsd again and my trans feelings went up like 100,000-fold. I honestly don't know if I even had a ton of trans feelings beforehand. I've always been pretty gay but I read a lot of transformation erotica and self-insert as a girl if I watch porn and after lsd all this stuff just combined and considering when you have a bad trip on acid you're in it for a solid 10 hours it was just a nightmare.
I'm not sure if I had some sort of mental break which is causing a lot of my feelings now but they haven't gone away.

>>8465816
wow thats harsh
I guess I should stay away then, dont want to make it even worse than it is

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>>8465171
it feels like everyone in this thread knew my life

>What's your repressed side's personality?
i don't know, more femenine i think
>What gives you hope or happiness?
someday i will accept myself & my life will stop hurt me so much

>>8465852
I've never had stuff like that happen with things like ecstasy or mdma though.
Alcohol + weed does some horrible things to my mind as well but it's controllable. Similarly while on DXM it's usually controllable except the one time I did quite a bit of it. I extracted it and I think I dosed too high, probably did close to 700-800mg and I'm only 115lbs. I thought I had lost a bunch in the extraction after recrystallizing it but apparently not.

It's pretty difficult for me to discern whether my issues are drug-related or trans-related. I mean obviously people are going to say "huehue don't do drugs" but it's not just like a situation where drugs made me sad, it's been like a complete and total mindfuck and after doing lsd most of the effects have not gone away.
I've always had this thing where I have amazing memory for sciency stuff and everything but my memory for normal life events is really bad, I have a hard time remembering peoples faces, names, events, etc. so reconciling what I currently think with what I thought in the past is pretty difficult.

>>8465489
Top kek
>>8465171
I'd say someone a bit looser. Not a stiff borderline unfunctional asshole.
I'm seeing a therapist in less then a week. Maybe I can figure something out other then transition. If not gonna get the tit skits.

>>8465897
I did loads of party drugs mdma and whatever they put in pills (like 5 pills per ~10hrs) and amph and it's not nearly a mindfuck compared to acid or shrooms - which I did in moderate amount, for the better I guess

>>8465955
I've done shrooms a ton and I've not had too many issues. LSD is just wild though. It's really uncontrollable, at least in my opinion.
All psychedelics cause me to start thinking about my body and things like that though. I mostly think about wanting to be more fem and everything. Plus my life is kind of a clusterfuck so that doesn't help either. The thoughts can be particularly bad if I'm alone, but at the same time if I'm out with friends and my anxiety takes over things get complicated as well.

I've never really liked doing ecstasy pills. One time I did what I think was 5-MeO-DiPT and I lost my shoes in a swamp in the forest lol

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>>8465171
>What's your repressed side's personality?
I don't know.
I tend to not think about it.
Any time I have any kind of weird feel I kinda do a mental scream and focus on something else.

>What gives you hope or happiness?
I don't know.
I'm in a bad spot in life right now I don't really have much plans for anything other than repressing is a good idea.

Also I think I will take a break from 4chan, it's easier to get my mind focused on other things when I don't visit it here.

>>8465977
>Also I think I will take a break from 4chan, it's easier to get my mind focused on other things when I don't visit it here.

good Idea, Ive spent all day here literally 12 hrs

More and more time flies that I wont be able to transition.

Fuck coming out, I still have a family and I just couldn't bear changing my entire identity and imposing a new identity on my family.

They always say, if you have a button that would make you a girl without consequences and shit would you press it? The answer is obviously yes, but at the same time, if I had a button that would rid me of the girl and just let me live as a man, I'd press it as well. If I had both, I would push the girl button. Unfortunately, only one of those buttons are real.

I heard of medication that people with Gender dysphoria (or other gender shit) took and it rid them of the want to be a different gender. Does anyone know what medicine/study I'm talking about? I'm sick of repressing and I want to live my life with no regrets, and that means putting my identity issues behind me.

>>8465645
>>8465708
>>8465816
One thing, do you really don't remember past fellings that can be connected to you being trans?

One of the reasons i first tried LSD was because so many people told me "you will think clearer, and it will change your mind and views about the world".

I was expecting i would magically find the answer to this all but i haven't. Still i had some peaceful trips, at least i forgot about this for awhile (before the bad trips started everytime)

>>8465673
I did while on skype with a friend that also did it. We used to play games together while tripping and watch videos together. I have no one to do it with me where i live (my cousin don't do lsd)

>>8466026
They used antipsychotics, I can't remember which one or what dosage they used. Antipsych's have a lot of side effects and some people just get zombified on them.

>>8466039
pimozide
it works if you are thinking you are a girl cause you are schizo, freaks like Chris chan and Stekfonie shuold take it

>>8466038
>One thing, do you really don't remember past fellings that can be connected to you being trans?
I kind of can. I did a lot of trans-ish stuff, but I mostly just figured I was gay. I've always had some agp type thoughts of course which is why psychs mess with me so much I think.
My memory just doesn't seem to work like most people's though. I can remember science things easily because I memorize patterns in things, not the thing itself if that makes sense.

>>8466059
>it works
[citation needed]

>>8466077
Not that person, but schizophrenia is known to cause gender dysphoria sometimes. I don't know what doctors do in those situations though, schizophrenia is already difficult to work with as is.

>>8466082
>but schizophrenia is known to cause gender dysphoria sometimes.
When?

This would be the one kind of gender dysphoria that is neither HSTS nor AGP.

>>8466077
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8839957

its uncommon and should be reserved for legit schizos

>>8466093
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2007.00655.x/full
She was schizo, they treated it, and gender dysphoria went away.

Try looking up schizophrenia case studies and it's not an incredibly uncommon occurrence.

>>8466096
>sample size 1
>control 0

Here you go, /repgen/. Enjoy.

https://soundgasm.net/u/belle_in_the_woods/F4M-Damsel-in-Distress-HistoricalFDomcross-dressingfeminizationsubmissive-listener-kinda-knife-play-hence-the-bloodface-slappinghandjobgentlerapejust-in-case

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skitzo is when u light yourself on fire. calling anything else a skitzo is like calling two homosexual xy men, lesbians.
noobs.
also "treating skitzo" by using psych meds is not curing dysphoria, its making the brain too incompetent to operate. ppl who suggest this simply hate your existence.

>>8466112
Schizophrenia is kind of rare as is, you won't find any study that actually has a sample size.
It's not like it matters, probably nobody on this board actually has schizophrenia. People telling you take antipsych's are just /pol/ trolls.

>>8466141
not to mention that patient had 'borderline learning disability' - total potato

>>8466026
>family poster
hello upset family member. youre not welcome here. we care about ourselves more than we care about your feelings of us, as do u.
>>8466150
probably just couldnt learn because androgen insensitivity.

kinda like your insensitive protruding arse

>>8465171
I'm really sick of repressing, but I would have to come out to my parents in order to transition since I'm a NEET. Life sucks.

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>tfw trying to quit hrt for like the tenth time

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Must quit hrt...

>>8465171
Repressed personality: Overly caring girl, just wanting to better the world and see the positive side of things - Obviously I can do this as a guy too, but that's just my "inner self" as such, which happens to be female.

Hope or happiness: none, I'm basically a full nihilist when repressing, which I will be pretty much forever. Nothing matters, and I don't really enjoy anything beyond the occasional meme.

If it was possible for me to magically be a cis female, I'd still be pretty screwed and messed up desu, I have many problems other than just being AGP. But at least I'd have some chance at hope/happiness.

>>8465675
When your comments are in someone's screencaps <3 (You)

>>8465887
They say all hon's lives are the same.
Repress forever, either rope or transition.
Hope I never end up a hon, and the cure is out before then.

>>8466026
>you would push the girl button if both were an option
You're trans as f, anon. Get on estrogen if it's not too late and an option, otherwise repress til death.

>>8466134
No thanks. I'd rather listen to audio designed for females, as that shit just gives me dysphoria. People calling you a girl and then f***ing you as a girl generally makes me have more fun. A G P

>>8467635
>>8467415
If you're on HRT, just keep taking it. You've already basically proven you're trans.

>>8467715
Wrote the words out of my head. I don't think I'm agp, though. My father beat any semblance of pussy shit out of me when I was younger.

>>8467740
Replace every time someone says AGP with Transgender, and it'll make sense.

>>8467748
HSTS are not AGP.

>>8467725
I a man super masc though and it would be a waste of an attractive man

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I want to try heroin so my life is destroyed and I eventually die from overdose and can be free and experience some happiness before I die

>>8467725
I have to quit it

My deep layer protocols are too powerful and the self loathing has to be sated with repression


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPsdXthIhJ0

>>8467813
Wouldn't you rather hate yourself as a girl, and have someone say you're cute?

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Another day another drink another crippling depression suffering.

>>8467790
>Le emergence by shindol repressed mtf

>>8468938
Welcome to my life, minus the drink.
I don't do any drugs, drink, smoke exc to cope, I simply deal with it by fantasizing about what could be.

There was a thread yesterday that you can keep boymode on hrt for years, so basically mtf hrt is a joke... does it mean I should or shouldnt try it?

now I need some motivation to spend cash and go thru few step to obtain it... too bad Im so depressed and avoidant that I dont want to do anything

>>8469016
If you're worried, don't try it. It may have an effect on you you can't hide, and once you've started taking it, you're really not going to be able to stop if you are trans.

If you take HRT, move to /mtfg/ or /hrtgen/

>>8469023
ok, mom!
I was asking fellow repressors cause evryone else only ever says 'get on mones' despite the fact I will never pass and cant transition socially

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>>8469023
I'm gunna quit I swear

>>8469016
The effects are pretty obvious if you look at your naked body. But even cis females can crossdress and pass as men so obviously you'd be able to as well.

>>8469070
You're a tranny. Sorry, anon

>>8469080
This is around right.

Me personally, I'm taking the long road of man-til-death.

need some help fellow repressers <3

>>8469140

>>8469144
get out, you will pass with some effort
and if you wanted to transition from 14 then do it

>>8469132
No. im spartan...

I'll pick up where I left off soon enough

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22nsVoLGGh4

I CAN come back :(

>>8469209
Spartan is gone..
Accept yourself..
Free yourself, as we never will be free..

>>8469209
Wow i miss this game, it was from a time i didnt knew (for sure) i was a tranny

>>8468947
I hope it keep working for you anon. I used to daydream and fantazise all the day but it doesn't work anymore for me

>>8469221
Spartan is a retarded attention whore

Can I join?

>>8469016
>There was a thread yesterday that you can keep boymode on hrt for years, so basically mtf hrt is a joke... does it mean I should or shouldnt try it?
No, it means it might not be perfect enough to make you pass when you're semi-actively trying to make yourself appear male. Most importantly, it will stop your body from getting even more masculine. Even if you can't pass, you surely don't want to get worse, and at least want to make what improvements you can?

>>8469327
sure, what are you repressing though, you have transitioned

what do u repressed fucks feel when u take spiro alone or with ralox!?

>>8469448
>spiro
wanting to pee all the time, shittiest AA

>with ralox
its good to prevent gyno and osteoporosis with the lack of other hormones and possibly some other positive effects

ask HRT gen really

>>8469349
I just bought a six pack of ties and six new dress shirts to be a man in a corporate job, I don't think I'm transitioned

>>8469530
>buying ties in a six pack

jesus christ are you in iowa?

>>8469560
They're zip ties

I never learned how to tie a tie

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I have serious regrets

>>8469582
tell us all about it, we need motivation to stay male and alive

do you only care about man-mode for career?

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Fuck this, should i order cypro right now and take it for some months to see how it is to think withou T in my head, and quit if i don't like it or regret it?

>>8469594
I date live work as a guy, I don't care about which one I am when I'm alone

>>8469487
wow u tried spiro and u didnt like itand u still wana transition but dont? ok
r u gay

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>>8469576
>le 'trans have high IQs' meme

>>8469613
I thought you couldn't keep guy-mode after years on hrt and with that body
what would you say on this? >>8469016

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Jesus Christ why won't it stop

I wanna be Spartan again

Stop crying stop crying stop crying

I never used to cry

>>8469644
It's okay to cry, you're a girl after all. It's okay for girls to cry.

>>8469641
You can, you're going to run into issues where men sometimes think you're a girl and scream things at you, and one girl straight up asked me if I was born a man and then left the date, but overall it's no ones business you're a man

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>>8469641

>>8469681
>It's okay to cry,
>you're a girl after all.

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>>8469705
Hmmm

>>8469712
Y'all niggas are super bad at this

>>8469762
wtf you're cute and could pass as a guy or a girl

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>>8469681
I am on the inside

ok I need to fuck off from this board for real and for a long while
maybe Ill see a doc and get some mood pills or maybe Ill get over myself and get on mones to see how it feels

best of luck to everyone here

>>8470100
This board is kind of depressing. Plus it can be kind of a mindfuck when I'm trying to compare my memories to others to compare experiences and stuff. I'm not even sure if I'm remembering half of it being as severe as I feel about it now.

>want to join the army to help set me straight
>flat feet
Literally fucking kill me right now

>>8470489
Wow that's actually fucked now I'm afraid this will happen to me if I ever transition

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>>8465171
>What's your repressed side's personality?

Appeasing Histrionic teetering into Self-destructive Borderline.

I'm switching to raloxi so I don't have to transition but also don't get dysphoria

Having no boobs means I can deny being trans

currently transitioning and it's interesting to see how my personality has been changing to something more natural. I used to be angry all the time, had an ego as big as the sun and would preach nihilism without being willing, all to satisfy my desire to be a manly man. Now that I'm out of the closet I'm more levelheaded, I can accept when people are better than me at things and see the beauty in compassion and gentleness, without mistaking it for weakness

>>8472725
Feels. Non-transitioner here, but I already know my female personality.

Fuck repression, but I'm not going to become a hon.

Male personality = Egotistical troll, incredibly nihilistic with zero purpose
Female personality = Life actually is beautiful

>>8472725
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbIUyWJyu1s

>>8472740
AGP can take from us everything... but even if you take everything from a Repressor... but you cannot take HIS PRIDE!

Repressing makes me want to die everyday but I would almost certainly be a hon if I transitioned and I would kill myself if I was a hon. What the fuck why is my life like this?

>>8472725
its just hormones

>>8472758
Being on cypro took away my sex drive and too my horror I still had dysphoria meaning I'm trans

>>8472805
Doesn't mean your a tranny, anon.
Affection / non-sexual love is a part of AGP.

Fuck I hate being AGP.
Even /pol/fags think I'd make a better girl than a guy. K i l l m e

>>8472820
they all do it to me too

don't fall for it it's a ruse they just want to make you into their next pump & dump or camslut they're all the fucking same. Everyone will inherently see us as freak, and attempt abuse and vile toward us because they know we have little else to turn to.

>>8472817
From what I have learned about AGP here, anything and everything means you are AGP.

You want to be a girl? Be one. Yes, want. You start off as a dude. For some reason you are unfunctional/suicidal as a dude. Come to the conclusion to transition Or to repress. As you have two choices that takes away the fact that is a need, and in every case, a want. AGP is transgender. And it's ok to love yourself as someone who is transgender. Sexual arousal on the other hand will turn it into a fetish and even then it's ok if you are suicidal/unfunctional.

I am done with repression. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow to consider my options and shit. Maybe I can figure something else out, maybe I'll start on my path to womenhood. It's better then becoming an hero because of the AGP meme.

>>8472837
I know anon. I'm going to stay male.

There is just so little support for AGPs out there.

It saddens me.

>>8472839
I understand, anon. I don't want to be a girl. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with dysphoria ajd the delusion that I may BE a girl.

I will never trap myself, but if that is what you must do, so be it. Man until death.

>>8472846
Sounds like you want to be a girl to me. Go get help before you off yourself, dumbass.

>>8472765
Hang on, and time will give you will move on w life

>>8472850
I'd rather off myself first

>>8472850
I don't want to be a girl, there's nothing I want more than to be a guy. I've been repressing for over 10 years, anon. I can last much longer.

I'm not a tranny. I am AGP.

If I got desperate enough, I would ask a doctor for pimozide.

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Dont we stress ourself too much with these thoughts? And then get so focused on the gender problems that any negative emotion is perceived as dysphoria, any anxiety or sadness immediately evokes TFW cant be a girl, even if its caused by something completely unrelated.

How to stop this?

>>8472891
Transitio--- I mean, get off this board, and try to live as a guy. Fuck my life, when the only thing I could think about was trapping myself.

>>8472891
If you figure out how to stop this from happening please let me know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7wobIr0eQ4

My dysphoria is so bad I cant even play vidya without this triggering me

>0:35

I'm surprised you girls have the confidence that you can stand a lifetime of dysphoria. Not to mention the regret of not having started early when you finally crack.

>>8472949
Ive lost all interest in the media games or movies, played mmos the entire winter but now I cant stand it

seeing happy couples and pretty girls in ads makes me sick, even when its subtle

>>8472958
I don't have the confidence I can stand a life of dysphoria. I just know I will be a hon if I transition so it doesn't matter much if I transition now or when I'm 40. I already regret not transitioning early immensely.

>>8472958

>not having started early
yeah fuck off, were not teens here

>implying dysphoria goes away for hons

>>8472966
Does it really matter how you turn out?
If you end up happy in some way is that not infinitely better than decades of sorrow?

>>8472958
I want to die anyway. you would want me to die if you knew anything about me. I deserve the suffering till i put the barrel to my head.

>>8472958
I'm On hormones but I'm still repressing

I started at 22 six months ago

>>8472972
Yes if I look like a man in a dress I couldn't live with myself. I'm fairly certain my life will be full of sorrow regardless of what I do.

>>8472977
did you torture kittens and eat babies? no? then you dont deserve the suffering and I dont want your death, dont be so hard on yourself

>>8472977
If you're gonna die soon might as well give it a shot, you have nothing left to lose. Worst comes to worst you are back to suicide.

>>8472982
But why? You're simply cheating yourself of being happy. Literally what's the point.

>>8472991
We are just depressed men! stop subverting us

>>8472991
Because I am too masculine but need something like hrt to take the edge off

I hate crying now
I'm so anxious and upset all the time and I wanna die

>>8472999
did you try mood meds and therapy?
are you sure HRT is right for you if its not helping?

>>8473007
I was worse before
Really wanted to tear my face off and was suicidal

Every time I try to quit hrt I feel that dark place coming back and I have to go back on it

>when you beg your parents to take away your hrt and your insist yourjust mentally ill and that they shouldent enable this no matter how much you beg

Finally free

>>8465171
>5'0, asian female. Sometimes I just hate my curves and want to be a guy.
>Even if I did transition, I'd be a complete dwarf. The shortest guy I've met is like... 5'2.
>I've always dreamed to be one of those badass military men. But nah, even if I did get jacked female muscles can only do so much.
>Fucking kill me.

Thanks for the thread, I've never admitted that to myself before but that hate has always been there.

>>8473347
I told you, you should get a tranny friend who would eat them for you

>>8473517
any chance you want to be your own boyfriend? just curious

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Another day of repression, almost ordered AA's through the internet but nah...

I'm wasting my "future hrt money" on alcohol
I don't think i have money for a gun anymore. I'm miserable.

>>8473580
I don't get why you can't take hrt and be a guy, the estrogen fixes some mental problems like that, and it's not like estrogen = girl automatically

>>8473578
Asian anon here. Nope not really. I'll admit I do have a men/women in uniform fetish. I'm biscum btw.

>>8473517
I'm not going to lie it feels fucking amazing being that person, for the ten years or so of your life between 18-28 that you can be

And then it gets harder and harder to keep up with the 18 year olds, everyone is always gunning for you to take you down, and you instantly lose that respect the moment you don't work out hours every day

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>>8473608

>>8473618
damn thats cute and funny, those titties... thanks for making me smile

did you also have concealer on or its photo blur?

>>8473612
Aw fuck I'm jealous.
I've always wanted to be that silent, stoic and badass male figure. I guess I try, I mean I'm taking mechanical engineering and took ROTC.
I kinda want to join the military but I have to work and fund my siblings' education after I graduate first(it's a cultural thing).
Enjoy your life dude. Always know that there's someone out there who wants to be you.

>What's your repressed side's personality?
Shy but warm and teasy after breaking the ice

>What gives you hope or happiness?
Being treated as a girl, although I only muster the courage to do it online

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>>8473601
I can but i'm scared of regreting it. Maybe scared of big changes wether they would improve or not my life. The anxiety doesn't helps either, i'm 24/7 now with this sensation in my heart and i can't sleep unless i'm drunk.

I also have a depressing active social life where i need to fake being a manly man in my hobbies. Idk how to deal with the changes specially the tits when(if) they happen. It's always summer here so no hoodies...

Also, faye? In /repressgen/? Why?

I transitioned.

>>8473618
I thought you were wearing a turtle costume from the thumbnail.
But you're so cute I almost didn't say anything because I don't want to be mean.

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Oh god, a few days ago I messaged a therapist who is a trans specialist and she got back to me looking for more information/contact. I'm fucking terrified to respond to her because I have no idea if I'm prepared to come out.

>>8473820
DO IT
GET OUT OF THIS HELL WHILE YOU CAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr9DM3St0vA

I'm back. For good. Pills are physically gone so no relapse possible and I'm a location where I can't self med anytime soon.

I'm Spartan again. But I'm damaged. Things aren't the same and I need to repair. I need my boyfriend

>>8473820
Go, my child. Go and be free.

>>8473855
I'm sorry you just screwed over your life by not transitioning. I hope your eventual repression-caused suicide is quick and painless.

>>8473855
What is wrong with you
Why do you detransition every other week?
Just shut the fuck up

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>>8473841
>>8473861
I don't know if I'm ready. I am absolutely terrified of coming to terms to this.

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>>8473631
D..not make fun of my boobies, I made a mistake on got on estrogen, but with a binder they aren't that bad
>>8473664
I wish I were born you though desu
>>8473809
._.;

>>8473892
You're never really going to feel ready, that's sorta the point of going to therapy. It's going to help you come to terms with this, whether you end up being trans or not therapy will help with the fear.

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>>8473866
Repression is where I belong. It what I'm used to. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

>>8473890
All those other tries were half hearted attempts. This is a physical denial. The pills are gone and I have no means to relapse and no means to get more.

My self confidence and drive die when I accept myself as trans. But as a repressor. I'm somebody. I have a purpose. To deny myself.

>>8473929
I'm glad you exist, you are the one that made me want to stop repressing out of fear of ending like you

>>8473892
HENSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

>>8473855
I'm sorry. Good luck.

>>8473929
You live a sad, horrible life, one which will only end in sadness and pain.
I pity you.

>>8473929
See you next week, Amy.
Or rip lol

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>>8473936
My fear is becoming a tranny. Being exposed to the world, my armour taken away. My protection. My shield.

Others can do as they please. But my mind is programmed and governed by fear and internalised transphobia

I'm not going to pretend I'm anything but a coward. But like all cowards. I get that sweet soothing sensation of relief, knowing I've escaped the danger, ran away from the threat.

It's pathetic. But to live this lie. It's what I know. And I've missed it so.

>>8473955
You know. I'm not going to deny that.

I forsee when I've spent my time and used up my energy in youth. I'll self destruct and can only hope there's a noose waiting for me.

I'm not quite there yet. But I hope it comes one day.


>>8473969
I gotta try.

>>8473980
Why would you willingly do something which you know will only end with you killing yourself? Transitioning gave you a shot at happiness, there was at least a chance there. What you're doing now is a guarantee of depression and eventual suicide.
Why do you have to try to be something you're not? You're trans, you're a girl. Denying the facts doesn't change them. You are what you are, no matter how much you might not want it to be true.

>>8473980
Anon...I feel like you. I'm a coward too.
Would you like to talk/vent? If so, mail me
[spoiler][email protected][/spoiler]

I really hope we can talk, though. I think it'll really help me, and maybe you too.

>>8472991
>not wanting to die a man instead of an ugly ass freak tranny

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>>8474110
>implying you're a man

>>8474018
Because I know how that transition path will end.

It will end the same. Only with me, weak, scared and emotional from a world that's bullied me into submission and taken away my place in the world. A ugly hon in a dress.

But with repression. I can still soldier on for a short time. Enjoy what little I get from being someone I am not, but someone the world does not and cannot attack. Get fleeting moments of enjoyment from freedom to go out and drink and walk about the world. To pretend it's all ok.

And when it's all over, when my hearts cold and I am numb from it all. I'll die on my terms. By my hand. And not from a world that attacked me. It will be the last and final act of control. Of choice. And no one will have pushed me there but myself.

>>8474125
>implying who matters will ever know the difference

Bye anon

>>8465171

In this thread you see an autogynephile's fantasy being roleplayed with and encouraged by other autogynephiles.

Enablers of these mentally ill (delusional, NPD, AGP) males act as bystanders, cheering on the mentally ill males and further enforcing their fixation on and fetishization of womanhood.

>>8474192
same guy who spams the swag Blanchard threads spotted

you rely too much on memecronyms with your shitposting VEE TEE DUBS

>>8474130

You are a male who feels ostracized from masculinity, likely because you are physically weak or highly emotional. Since you can not perform masculinity adequately you have developed the delusion that you "must be a girl" if you never fit in with men.

Because you are physically (most likely facially) too masculine to look like a woman without extensive surgery you are "stuck". You call this state of being stuck "repressed gender dysphoria" but in reality what you are living with is the knowledge that you are inadequate as a male.

>>8474212

I see you've been triggered. As is expected of the highly volatile male who wishes to be female.

>>8474192
>>8474218
>reddit spacing
samefag

>>8474218
lol failed male would've taken up less text Blanchardfag (your new name from now on)

>>8473892
it will be underwhelming, nothing to be afraid
and nothing will have changed

>>8474228
u mad would've also taken up less text Blanchardfag

Keep feeding me instead of making more trole throds tho <3

tfw only feel good after playing lewd with myself
tfw it makes me want to be a woman more

no escape

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>>8474218
I don't need to. I'm a gay male. My masculinity only needs to extend to public appearance. Physical power display and strength. I'm already validated in that regard.

Sexually all I need is a boyfriend to challenge that masculinity who's the only one to see me vulnerable.
(Thank you masc4masc)

>>8474418
>>8474422
>>8474427
Go take your girl pills please Amy :<

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>>8474427
>him
That's a weird way to spell her, Amy.

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>>8474430
>>8474442
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYVTgxx11QY

I am on a disassocitaive rush and feeling levels of power I haven't felt for months

Do not interrupt this with your silly notions of who was in Control before.


I. Am. Spartan.

I can feel the endocrine recovering. The androgens returning to my bloodstream, the engines are switching back on.


I told you I would come back. I have gone to the place where they thought they could slay me. Now returned invincible. Sure in my absence you've diminished my power physically. But now I'm back it's nothing I can reclaim

But Amy oh poor weak Amy, she couldent take the trauma, take the fear and the pain. Whenever the world pushes too far and seeks to crush them. I step in and do what's needed, take charge and fix the mess that cowardice made.


Oh what a bizarre and strange feeling.

To switch from feeling like an evil inferior monster compared to woman. To feeling like a god, their physical superior

Bigger, taller, stronger, faster. This is the gift of testosterone.

I don't care how long this phase lasts. So long as I am in This state, I can feel cishood, the power of my own cis malehood

This is like drugs. I love being fucking insane. And I love that I am back after months of crawling my way back into the conscious mind.

You see. My true power of repression was never just denial. My brain, given enough trauma allows this version of me full control. And in its power. In this moment I am become cis.

Enough mental damage and I take the wheel again. I am this poor boys defence mechanism. I have grown for years of torment and bullying. I am his pent up rage, his suppressed anger, his unused power.

Push him enough. And you deal with me.

I can see it in our eyes when we change. You see the passive scared eyes of an insecure repressed tranny change to the cold dead psychopathic eyes of Spartan.

She told the psych about me. But it won't get rid of me. I always come back.

>>8474576
You're in a manic state right now, Amy.
You're delusional, thinking lies are truths and truths are lies
Lie: You are spartan
Truth: You are Amy
Lie: You are a cis male
Truth: You are a trans girl
Calm down, get your HRT back, and go on to be a girl. The real you is a girl, stop lying to yourself.

>>8474637
Being a girl is overrated tbbbhhh

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>>8474576
Amy please, There is no "power" in being one gender compared to the other
Amy is not weak, Amy is stronger than this fake "Spartan" persona, cause she is brave enough to be herself and take her pills like she should, to help herself.

>>8474642
Yea, by robots and dum dums, being a girls is no more fun than being a boy, tbqh. But if you have dysphoria there is really only one right choice :/

>>8474576
Without the HRT, because I'm a pussy to overcome myself and order the pills(or maybe I'm too strong to allow myself to toss my masculinity away, even if I don't want it?) I feel like this.

I feel Amy, and I also feel the spartan. This constant ebb and flow, this constant roulette. Cis, trans, cis, trans. Boy, girl, boy, girl. It feels as if two souls fight each other for my body.


One is my true self, the insecure, the shy, the warm and sympahetic girl, Lina.

The other, a cold, aloof, determined(even to his own demise) boy. A masquerade the girl put up more than 20 years ago to deal with a world which wouldn't let her be herself just because she was born with a dick instead of a pussy.


And she made this boy too strong, relied on him. And he took over. She desperately tries to wrestle control out of his hands, but fails. I hear her cries and sobs, and I'm compelled to let her out. But I can't. I shan't. She's weak and she'll get us hurt. Both of us. She has to know her place and suck it up.


She's not coming out, I'm not letting her. I'll hold until she dies off on her own. I am not meant to be trans. I'll endure this ordeal...

I don't have the balls to let her be free. I can't let myself pursue this fake happiness. No one will understand me.


It's easier to pretend to be a boy.

>>8474667
How bad does it need to get before the choice becomes clear?

I think I got another decade or two in me before I put the barrel to my head. I look forward to it desu

>>8474667
>being a girls is no more fun than being a boy, tbqh.
fuck you don't tell me these things

>>8474703
>How bad does it need to get before the choice becomes clear?
When you get to the point where you think you'll kill yourself ...
>I think I got another decade or two in me before I put the barrel to my head. I look forward to it desu
Well then. I guess you should know what you should do: Transition before you end up killing yourself.

>>8474727
>How bad does it need to get before the choice becomes clear?
>When you get to the point where you think you'll kill yourself ...

That's wrong tho i'm a 19yo repressing for years and i'm not only thinking about it, i'm sure i'll kill myself but i'm trying to know how drunk and wasted i can get before i do it.

>>8474703
If you're asking this you already know the choice.

>>8474727
>>8474796
I want to kill myself when I'm old and ugly desu, I deserve it. Everyone I've ever told about myself in any serious manner has told me I deserve it too.

This is just another shitpile on top of shitpiles. I'm glad I'm suffering this much for being a horrible person though, I deserve it.

>>8474796
>19yo
>repressing
You're young enough to pass very well if you start HRT ASAP. Get on with it, girl.

>>8474810
You're not a horrible person. You deserve to be happy, just like anyone else.
Why do you think you deserve a horrible life?

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>>8474695
I never meant to kill her. This was just what I was supposed to do. And it become necessary to preserve the normality. The way things have to BE.

I don't want to think about her. It's easier to hate her so I can do my job more easily.

Being manic and evil just makes it all the more tolerable.

It is easier. It is easier...
>>8474637
>>8474662
It will be some time or never before Amy is allowed back.

I have made sure there's no relapse pill and she won't be able to get them unless she becomes really distressed and tried to overpower me

Why do you persist. Why do you Insist on encouraging her? This is my body.

I was once in charge for years at a time. Im control to the point where not even alcohol could trigger a single thought

I'm tired and out of energy now. I need more time to heal

>>8474836
We're trying to help you, Amy.
You know, deep down, that that's who you are. You know that denying yourself is only going to end in pain and suffering.
I just want you to be happy, and repressing isn't going to make you happy. It's going to kill you.

>>8474825
If I told you anywhere close to the full extent of how I've sinned you and everyone else ITT would swarm me with kys too.

Leave it to say that I deserve this fate and nothing else. I just want to spend the rest of my life trying to atone and reflect before the pain grows too much so that I would leave this place forever.

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>>8474858
You have to understand. I am Spartan. Amy isn't real. I am real. This all mental illness.

>>8474901
I thought you'd be way more alpha by the way you call yourself spartan

You look like a lil bitch

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>>8474920
Months of estrogen does that to a person...

>mfw this bullshit has deleveled me

>>8474901
You're Amy. Spartan isn't real. Amy is real.
So what if it's a mental illness, doesn't change the fact that that's who you are.

>>8474947
awww Amy looks like a butch lesbian who took T

>>8474901
Are you Jewish?
(Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
You look Jewish.

>>8474947
It has not done anything but made you closer to who you really are Amy and maybe that is scary, but please I don't want to see you go :/

>>8474997
No

>>8474964
-_-

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come home Amy :(
<3 /mtfg/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VJBBUqr1wM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSCzDykng4g

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>>8474576

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>>8474901

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>>8474964

>>8475173
Stop bloody doing that

>>8475123
I'm taking cypro still so I get a stopgap...
It's still progress

>>8475226
>Stop bloody doing that
why?
because it breaks your repression and makes you see you have a girlface?
you look like you should be standing in line at a bakery in heels, a blouse and a skirt to get your sandwich to take to work

>>8475235
No because it looks like drag on a manface to me

Betaface //=// female face

I'm still gonna win. If I only take cypro and stay stable I'm at least one step closer to my cure.

If I become depressed and sad without the accompanying e then whopee you win again -_- and I have to admit defeat

>>8475250
>No because it looks like drag on a manface to me
that is just your dysphoria talking
>and I have to admit defeat
like the last ten times

>>8475188
There's a reason master chief has the best physique wears a helmet

._.

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>>8475260
>last ten times

Just one more. I'll find the solution this time!!

>>8474695
>Cis, trans, cis, trans. Boy, girl, boy, girl. It feels as if two souls fight each other for my body.

I feel like this all the time lately, and I dont know what to do, because when Im in female mindstate it feels good even if Im sad.
Im losing it.

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>>8475272
you are seriously reminding me of Kayla before she transitioned for good, she was on and off HRT a few times
at least you are actually on cypro still

>>8475280
Well...Cypro alone is nice for me
Just can't take e anymore until it's proven I'm actually dependant on it...

If so I'll just socially depress the best I can

>>8475325
:(

>>8475250
>still takes cypro
ahahah Spartan is fake

and yeah you will feel like shit on cypro alone, I can grantee you

>>8475338
I have a constant undertone of depression anyway. I probably got over cypro depression months ago

I've been on 50mg for months anyway.
nice skin and atrophy is too fucking aesthetic for me to resist

>>8475278
I'm glad I'm not the only one. But it also makes me sad because I know how bad this feels...

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>>8475356
stop being a brainlet

>>8475390
Stop reminding me I want a vagina

>>8475419
what kind of boy wants a vagina?

>>8475356
Even though I feel like I shouldn't tell you this because it might just let you repress even more..... If you want an actual tip for avoiding depression while on AAs without E, you can take phytoestrogens similar to what menopausal women do.
Doesn't work perfectly, there's only like maybe a 60-70% chance they work if you use very high dosages like they have done in many menopause studies. All the studies using low dosages failed.

I'd still recommend you just take E though.

>>8475424
A confused one

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>>8475455
nope, no kind of boy
only a girl

>tfw all happy and sedated from my blockers

N-no ;-; stop making me feel good

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just stop being trans, its a choice!

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>>8475466
I'm a girl but I only wanna be on cypro rn

Ok I said it. Ur lucky I'm sedated and my moods has stop disassociating

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>>8475479

>>8475486
Why is cypro so nice. I missed my dose by 3 hours and was majorly fried but as soon as I took it I'm all relaxed and ready to sleep...

STOP BEING RIGHT
I'm still sticking to cypro only for now. It's enough to balance dysphoria and repression for now. No more worries about boob growth outing me

>>8475424
https://vimeo.com/175865966

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>>8475493
it makes you feel better because your brain is a girl brain and hrt soothes it
its like putting aloe on a burn

>>8475479
>>8475493
Glad to have you back Amy.
You're a good girl, you know that?

>>8475495
>a sketch about a tranny schoolboy
>everyone is laughing at the tranny

>>8475509
Welcome to life.

>>8465171

Fuck off with these pointless tranny threads.

>>8475499
>>8475503
Stupid happy lack of testosterone and the fact of that making me happy ._.

I still need this stopgap
It's a safe place for me
No masculinisation and time to think

>>8472725
So your old personality is literally me. Great.

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>>8475495
>>8475509
>everyone is laughing at the tranny

Oh please.
You're as bad as the Jews always complaining about being persecuted.
It is from The Big Gay Sketch show.
He is played by Kate Mackinnon, a lesbian.
Trying to call it homophobic is patently ridiculous.
Grow up and stop smoking so much pot.
Not everyone is out to get you.

>>8472986
This plus I have come to enjoy this suffering. I've simply become a masochist.

>>8475486
I neeed this so badly

>>8474576
You might be crazy but I have to say I respect you. I wish I could repress like you.

>>8475546
I honestly laughed at it but it still stung to watch

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>>8475581
read the rest, it's not working

>>8475588
That's kind of funny. I wish I had a group of people that tried to convince me to transition and stay on hormones.

>>8475596
if you start throwing tantrums like Spartan Amy you might

go take your pills, girl!

>>8475588
B-blockers only

Low test males are a thing u know

(I hope I don't relapse and go back on e again fugg ;-;)

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>>8475624
>I hope I don't relapse and go back on e again fugg ;-;
I hope you do because you are going to be a cute girl once you have figured everything out with your therapist

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>post in "would you pass thread"
>everyone says no
>welp back to repression

YAY

>>8475624
how did you even get the pills? Im always torn inbetween so I never go through when I depside to buy them

>>8475596

That's because you have a sissification fetish you AGP

>>8475641
would've you though this asshat would ever pass?
>>8475280

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>>8475640
I'm not smiling

>>8475657
Force me on skittles and make me your girl, daddy(mommy)

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>>8475663

>>8475641
At least you aren't me I got mixed answers the last time I did that. 2 people said I could pass 3 people said I had a chance at passing 3 people said no chance at passing. I kind of just wanted everyone to say I looked ugly as fuck and had no chance so I could repress in peace. Now I think I have a chance and I've been stressing out thinking if I should do it while I have a chance at passing.

>>8475657
No I just wish I could transition and I have no support so it would be nice to have support.

>>8474901
>>8474947
If you're transitioning maybe I should too I look about as masc as you do.

>>8475672
That's not fair the blockers sedate me...was on a roll

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>>8475673
I'm getting mixed answers as well. Claiming that Im wearing make-up (when Im not) and I've got a massive chin (when its fairly small). Maybe I wont take them seriously...

>>8475716
those photos are not good

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>>8475710

>>8475673
Protip: The people who said you could pass are hons who want you to join in their misery.

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>>8475673
>>8475716
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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>>8475730
you're killing me smalls

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>>8475745
>implying /b/ is the same as the entirety of 4chan

>>8475740
Senpai I know the people that said I could pass for sure were hug boxers and I'm pretty sure the people that said no chance were shit posters for the most part. Which makes me think the people that said I had a chance were telling the truth.

>>8475754
What is confirmation bias for $1200 Alex?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

>>8475749
just take some better pics and learn how to post them so they aren't rotated

>>8475738
I'm sleepy
Still don't know how to kick cypro. Well keep cypro for now

U win

>>8475762
Well in total 5 people think I have at least a chance at passing 3 said I couldn't of those 3 2 were clearly shit posting. Take it as you will but I believe the people that say I have a chance because for the most part they seemed to give honest answers to other people.

>>8475749
I mean you could with ffs...

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>>8475778
I just looked up the price for that
fuck.

>>8475716
Generally people on here are going to be quite critical. It's one of the benefits, and one of the downsides. There's no real hugboxing.
But in real life, there are some pretty fugly ass women out there. There are even women that have male pattern baldness, cavemen brows, 3rd nipples, asymmetric boobs, etc.

>>8475815
>for that
for what exactly? there are many things
and yeah its pricy and results may vary

I wont ever butcher myself and I look too manly to pass without it, literal caveman brow and broken nose... thats why we're here

>>8475839
for the general surgery in my province.

Why do these threads always make me want to transition. I look worse than spartan I have no hopes at passing why taunt me?

>>8476056
Hopefully because you have confidence knowing you could succeed better than all of the posters in this thread. But hopefully you don't because confidence isn't enough to succeed in this life.

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>>8475641
I hope i had the courage to post in that thread. I'm scared someone will recognize me irl (even if i live in the deepest pit of hell) or that my pic will end in a russian bestiality forum.

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>Try to lose weight and skip meals during months preparing for the day i would stop being a retard and get on HRT
>When the time comes freak out
>Start to compulsively eat shit again

PLEASE HELP ME I'M EATING LIKE A RETARD AND I'M AFRAID TO END UP FAT AGAIN. AND I'M REPRESSING AGAIN WHY AM I LIKE THIS

>>8476153
you are eating to get happy endorphins because its the only way you ever feel happy
don't become me, get control of your weight and get on HRT
things will be better

>>8476128
russian bestiality forum reporting, we need your pics now!

who do you think browses this board? even if you get recognized it will be other lgbt people

that reminds me how I recognized a guy who posted some fetish pics here by his clothes, but I met him in a local gay chat anyway

>>8476153
here is how I became a skele in less half a year:
- live alone, no mom cooking and making me eat
- be poor so cant afford pizzas/other junk all the time
- too busy gaming, chatting, working etc and forget to eat
- ride a bicycle
- antidepressants killed my appetite (*might not work depending on med and your response)
- get ill and eat nothing for whole week (dont recommend actually - couldl slow your metabolism and make you gain more later)

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another day of repression, another bottle of cheap ass vodka. i hope everyone is doing better than me at least

>>8476153
Drink more water so youl eats less. i mean FORCE yourself to drink water otherwise you'll end up eating too much. Water will be good for your skin

also fucking get on hrt already

>>8472958
I'm not a female. I'm a male that's repressing until an adequate cure for AGP/Trans/Dysphoria exists. I'm absolutely certain transition will do nothing to help me, and no I'm not a hon.

I've been through hell my entire life, I can always go a little longer. It's about being a soldier, it is the most masculine thing one can do. A repressor dying as a man, makes himself a man.

>>8476981
herself*

>>8474427
Master Chief... Please go take your damn hormones. Amy's a better commander, you're fucking up all our missions. We love you Amy!

>>8476985
I just read all this thread, once again. You all want to take the one thing we have left, the one thing we hold onto..

But I will never give up my pride.

On the inside, I may be some form of mentally ill female.
But in the end, who you are.. is meaningless.

I'll never give up, I'll never give in.

>>8477013
>But in the end, who you are.. is meaningless.
This is completely true, so why take the path with the most suffering then?

>>8477018
It is not about who you are. It's about what you do. Being a man is objectively the best choice. Transition simply causes more suffering, and often does not even make people feel better in the long-term. Never transition.

>>8477253
>and often does not even make people feel better in the long-term
source?

>>8473892
You're not gonna get more ready
Just go. Chances are she'll help you come to terms with it. you'll manage to get yourself on the proper hormones and signed up for your surgeries, I know you can do it anon

>>8477296
see: detransitioners, people not happy with transition and dying anyway, exc.

We must stay strong my brothers, because we fight the greatest war a man can fight. The war against yourself. We all fight this war every day, whether trans or not. So why fight it as a girl, and weaken your chances at life?

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>tfw when your on cypro alone you're too tired to feel dysphoria or anxiety

Ahh this is a good place, not a man and not a tranny. Just frozen in place and lots of time to think

>>8477434
people make mistakes
thinking grass is greener elsewhere until they find out that it isn't

Is anyone else here honestly living for the hope that some day science will advance to the point where it will be able to give them a new body?

>>8477253
What about all of the happy transitioners out there?

>>8477802
I'm here, but rather than a new body I hope for a cure.

>>8477813
If there was a "cure" I honestly wouldn't take it. It would be the death of my identity. Suicide by other means.

>>8477816
The cure could be a simple as this. You just look around and realise you have no dysphoria and go on as your were

Now able to have a family and be happy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52VO5WVNaD4

>>8477897
That would completely change your identity though. Like a ton of stuff that i have done with my life is due to trans issues

>>8477897
A cure would be great for people who are legitimately struggling in their life because they can't accept it, and for little kids who are still in time to live normal lives. But for most actual trans people who are at least 15+ it would very well be an identity suicide.

My whole life I was practically a girl in a body with a penis, feminine as hell and everything that comes with it minus some masculine hobbies, that's still who I am today, and if a cure would magically make all of that disappear I would literally just... not be myself anymore. I'd rather just blow my brain off with a shotgun to be honest.

>>8477948
I hide my female behaviour since age 5 because it as scared of what people would do to me

I wish I didn't if I just was myself I wouldent have lost that part of me and I could have been an early transitioner

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNcKhfp3Hv4

I saw something today that made me think

I'm walking in the countryside and I look over to the nearby cattle field

All the females are gone and have been taken to slaughter.

Only the bull remains standing alone with the whole field to himself. Protected by his male status and bullhood, only to die in old age or by battle.

We are in the cattle field gentlemen and we will prevail. The trannies and females are the cows

>>8478186
Actually correction. Repressors are the breeding bull, cis females are cows while trannies are steers (castrated male cattle being prepared for beef consumption)

http://www.gendertree.com/Building%20Your%20Own%20Prison.htm

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>tfw male
>Feel like girl
>Pretend to be girl online
>Feelsgoodman.jpg
>This goes on for 10+ years
>Want more
>Come out to gf(been dating for 10+ years)
>Expect her to accept me, probably scared of transition but that's ok it scares me too
>Lol nope
>Lashes out at me
>"I don't like girls, anon, I like men"
>"I like you anon, you're manly"
>"I won't use female pronouns on you anon"
>I repress
>Fail miserably
>Gf notices
>Two months after first rejection, arguments come and go
>Gf is swimming in guilt for not having accepted me
>Yesterday
>"Anon I spoke with some friends. I like you, but I was being selfish. I can at least try to treat you as a girl. It's what I HAVE to do"
>I lash out
>Call her names, demand to know WHY the sudden change of heart
>She keeps saying that's what she HAS to do
>Not what she wants, but what must be done
>I refuse to accept that
>Tell her it'll only get worse
>Tell her I only want it if she FEELS like doing it, not that she HAS to do it because it's what she thinks has to be done
>We are on the brink of breaking up, yt I feel nothing

I am in the brink of losing the love of my life because I couldn't repress and told her how I felt.
Ironically, repressing now is only making things worse.
I feel like my gender is invalid, that beinf a girl is just me fooling myself.

I want out, I want to die.

NEW THREAD
>>8478719
>>8478719
>>8478719

>>8474811
At 19 you can already be screwed.

>>8477980
See, I see people here saying they got beat up for being feminine and I'm glad even as young as 4 I was smart enough to know this shit couldn't be normal and repress.

>>8478186
except in human world men are expendable fodder and women live significantly longer
https://track5.mixtape.moe/bszhaq.webm