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Anonymous
My identity is more fucked than just my gender 2017-06-19 01:11:08 Post No. 8460241
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My identity is more fucked than just my gender 2017-06-19 01:11:08 Post No. 8460241
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My identity is more fucked than just my gender
Anonymous
2017-06-19 01:11:08
Post No. 8460241
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What do you do when you are fundamentally a bad person, like if you knew yourself as another person, you wouldn't like that person very much? And you want to be a good friend to other people, but you also don't want to hurt them, so sometimes it feels like it's better just to avoid people so that you aren't subjecting them to your fucked up personality. And on top of that, you aren't even attractive, so it's not like you have a redeeming quality that makes people ignore your crazy.
Some people do tell me that I'm a really good person and a good friend IRL, sometimes there are even people who say they're """inspired""" by me. The way I'm treated offline and online is like night and day, or maybe I'm just a better person IRL. But I never believe those people because of how I feel about myself, so I never appreciate their complements, and then they start to get worn out. It's like I'm subconsciously trying to make them believe I'm a horrible person because I believe it, and then it kind of works? So I just keep believing it more.
Is there any hope for someone like me or should I just start cutting people out now? Is there any reliable way to go from bad to good?
Do I need therapy to make myself feel like I'm a good person? But what if my actions are still bad, wouldn't I be an even worse person then? Or is believing like the first step to actually doing?
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>>8460241
sounds like you just have shit self esteem
get therapy sure
better than doing nothing
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>>8460241
Why do you believe you're a bad person?
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>>8460241
So basically you're asserting that you're crushed by a fuckload of repression that goes beyond just gender, into having no choice but to be a "good person"?
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OP, I think you might've a mood disorder
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>>8460796
A lot of people tell me that, especially online. It's not like I don't care about other people, or else I wouldn't care so much about what they say and how their opinions reflect on me. I guess it's just harder for people to understand my emotions and intentions when I'm communicating online, but it's still probably my fault, since this has been a consistent issue.
>>8461603
What do you mean by that? I'm kind of interested.
I do think that whether I'm a bad or good person is wrapped up too much with my gender. Whenever someone implies that I'm creepy or gross in any way, I assume that they're implicitly misgendering me, since usually women don't have those traits, or aren't perceived as having those traits. Whenever someone reacts to me particularly negative, I start thinking that I'm not a girl anymore, and kind of just curl up into a ball and cry.
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>>8460241
> Is there any hope for someone like me or should I just start cutting people out now?
Trust me, that will just make you feel even worse. You'll just become an echo chamber for your self-loathing.
Nobody here can tell you what's wrong with you with any degree of certainty, but I'm getting depression vibes from you. A visit to a psychiatrist would help you a lot.
>>8462263
> Whenever someone implies that I'm creepy or gross in any way
Example? Just curious.
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>>8462263
But what is it that they seem to see as bad about you? Like, at which point in knowing them do they decide you're bad?
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>>8462432
Also curious.
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>>8462432
do the oppisit of poster bitches who type like this.
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>>8462263
Well, it is readily relateable to gender. Trans community people will talk about behaving in line with their birth sex, versus behaving in line with their target sex, versus "not conforming".
The somewhat silly thing here is that so much more than behaving typical of a gender can fall under conforming. In very stark contrast to the notions employed in transphobia, a lot of people would consider transitioning to be a weak form of nonconformity.
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