/repressgen/

its never too late to start. unless u plan on tomorrow

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>>8427514
It may be possible. You have to fill your life with things that you love and heavy work, never one without the other. Go learn an instrument, drink lots of alcohol, be a teacher at iran, idk.

But in my case i feel no joy in nothing anymore. What should i do instead of transitioning?

>>8427520
It's never too late to suicide unless i wait till tomorrow

http://transblog.grieve-smith.com/2014/04/22/four-transgender-paths/

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>>8427514

>>8427564
https://transblog.grieve-smith.com/2013/01/31/we-need-support-to-not-transition/

it is great to be a man and enjoy a happy testosterone-fueled life!

>>8427691
>Don't want to transition because i'll end up looking as an obvious trans person wich fails in both being a boy and a girl
>Some people actually live identifying as "trans".

What the fuck

>>8428068
Those who identify as trans are Tumblr special snowflakes who aren't really trans at all and do it only to feel special and for the attention. They should be forced to fully transition and live as the opposite sex so that they can actually scare the shit out of anyone who decides to do it because "it's kewl" and people would stop doing it. Maybe then we could start solving a lot of misconceptions that normies have when it comes to trannies.

>>8428068
>>8428680
They're just trying to find their own way of accepting themselves, same as you are.

>>8427771
Don't lie to me it fucking sucks

I need to quit /tttt/ and forget bout trans things entirely, how can I do it? Help!

>>8428983
Thats some mental bullshit, last thing I want is being 'trans' while not changing anything about myslelf. I want to be a normal man and possibly mitigate all the male ugliness that makes me dysphoric.

>>8428983
1. I'm not trying to accept myself, that's why I'm posting here.

2.No sane person would identify as trans because no sane human being could ever like or be proud of this, much less want other people to know they are trans. They would want to be really seen as their desired sex, not as trans. Most people who like being seen as trans are batshit insane tumblrfags.

>>8428068

I dunno, I can sort of understand it. It removes the exhaustion of hiding it, but without the endeavour of actually transitioning or the pressure of living up to passing.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to transition. I can't repress much longer without killing myself. I hope all of you can be happy repressing I just can't do it anymore.

>>8433839
Choose the path that suits you best, best of luck!

>>8430786
>>8428680
or they're unpassable but still want to be on HRT for example to ease dysphoria

I quit hrt and relapsed on the third day.

Spent the first two high and drunk.

I wish I had the guts to go into mtfg and admit I'm trans

I was on monies for a month and a half lasted year but realized I would have to worry about my man features for the rest of my life. It's better to see myself as male because the best I can do is femanie orc.

>>8434067
you admitted it to yourself, now have the guts to act on improving your life

>go into mtfg
>caring about tripfag circlejerk

>>8434812
same senpai. I'd look like a caveman in drag

>>8434067
I've been to mtfg once. I didn't admit I was trans. But every hon in existance tells me to get on mones asap.

But if you go there and say you're AGP, they'll call you a girl until you ree.

Not happening tho! Non-transitioning non-hrt forever AGP here, and I'm staying strong.

>>8441371
Sure about that you girl :^)
I will give you headpats if you give in?

>>8441389
Lasted over 7 years. I can resist.
Hon uses Degeneracy - it's not very effective..

>>8441371
i've seen some get hugboxed and it's only years later that they realize they can't pass

>eternal boy mode but still want to get FFS

>>8441507
This. NEVER trust a hon. Stay strong, brothers! Dysphoria is the ultimate life or death fight.

Wait4VR

>don't want to be a man
>feel like a girl
>want others to see me as a girl
>want to talk in a feminine voice
>want to wear feminine clothes
>want to have a quiet life as a girl and draw no attention to myself
>want to be accepted as a girl by others
>want to be loved as a girl and not as a man
>tall
>broad
>masculine mannerisms
>masculine speaking patterns
>nothing feminine about me at all
>will never pass
Why shouldn't I just kill myself? there's no hope and nothing to live for

>>8441519
>6'4
>shoulders broader than a bus
>face more manly than michelle obama
>love being a girl online even so far as having online bfs that don't care but will never meet them

Why live?

>>8427514
Anyone else feel like they are slowly losing their sanity repressing? I didn't realize it at first, but I'm not exactly sane anymore.

>>8441525
how do you get an e-bf?

>>8442310
constantly camwhore yourself out on any and every website and app that you can find

>>8442285
That's because gender dysphoria is literally a mental illness. The only cure is transitioning

>>8442359
sure that will work when you look nothing like a girl and sound nothing like one either

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>>8428068
I don't understand people who want to be stealth, it sounds really exhausting

One of the reasons I'm not transitioning or participating in society in general is that I can't live as openly trans without being treated like a total weirdo

As much as I don't like it being trans is a part of me and more importantly even after transitioning and passing my body will never be cis, I don't want to have to go out of my way to hide it when transitioning is supposed to be all about letting yourself look and behave how you want

>>8442285
I feel like my sanity is getting lost either way

>>8441519
You're too lazy and apathetic to kill yourself.

As for voice, it takes months of practice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ro2R3esHA

My advice is to sing all the time instead of talking and you'll sound a lot more feminine.

As for body you're fucked m8, just stick to online persona and in irl be the best man you can be ;^)

>>8442285
You are constantly unhappy because you want a thing you cannot have and it is both extremely important to you and completely unachievable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaFe3nGhdGI

>>8441519
>masculine speaking patterns
Such as?

>>8442559
Hey bro

>>8442571
Just that? Yo count that as a speech pattern? That's easy as fuck to change.

>>8442596
This.


Just watch youtube videos of women talking for like 400 hours and pretend you're talking to them.

>>8442605
>for like 400 hours

some of us have to work for a living

Ive masturbated to myself and suddenly I dont feel too bad anymore and could look in the mirror
but yesterday I've been moody all day and cried after deconstructing myself and possible future

this agp autosexuality is a weird thing

>>8442741
sounds like bipolar disorder tbqh

>>8442741
How did you masturbate to yourself?

>>8442831
>look in the mirror

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>>8428680
>>8430189
>>8430786
>>8428068

I am a transitioning MtF and I agree with these:
>>8430920
>>8442452

(Don't ask me why I'm browsing this thread)
I am semi-stealth. I don't reveal to random people that I'm trans, but if it's required to tell a funny anecdote, to explain something, if the subject comes up or even if someone ends up asking, I have no reason to hide it at all.
I'm not doing revealing it as a snowflake badge or something to be proud of, but pretending to be something that I'm not is not healthy and can even give me annoying problems in the long run. So fuck that.

>>8442903
But what's arousing? If you're trans and repressing, why would you male body be hot?

>>8427514
I actually only think about 2 things now a days. Transitioning and suicide. Should I just say fuck it and try HRT? Life couldn't possibly get much worse even if I end up an unpassing tranny.

>>8443885
If you have two roads, transition and suicide, why not try transition first? Just treat this suicidal ideation as a way to stop giving a fuck, if you can. No consequences of transition if nothing in life matters right?

>>8443894
Yeah that's basically what I'm thinking.

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>>8427514
>Is it possible to live a happy life repressing?
Probably.
I'm kinda of a failure even if you take out the tranny shit.

This is why I just retreated to my room. I think I'm fine here. I don't need to transition, to talk to people, to do anything.

My mom also gave up on me since I have been in this state since 2013 when I finished my degree.

>>8443953
For me, personally I'm going to be permanently unhappy no matter if I transition or not. I could have transitioned at 14, but I chose not to. 10 years from now, I feel the same way.

Repression is the best option.

>>8443995
You're still young, I think you can repress and live a normal life, just don't end like me I think I'm becoming more and more weird every day.
Not as in tranny weird but as hermit schizophrenic weird.

Pretty much every day I wake up with some weird night mare or some other fucked up shit.
Not nice at all.

>>8444030
I'm 24 and I'm getting to the point you're at I barely leave the house. I'm basically a shut in alcoholic to deal with my dysphoria. I do regret not transitioning though and if I could do my life over I would've transitioned.

>>8444030
I'm already permahermit, have been my entire life unfortunately. Never have lived anything close to normal, unfortunately never will.

When being AGP is the least of my problems, I'm fucked.

And meant 10 years from then, I'm 24 at the moment. Basically fucked from birth, even ignoring AGP.

>>8443995
How trans were you at 14? Why did you choose not to?

>>8444047
>Basically fucked from birth, even ignoring AGP.
How?

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>>8444044
I see, I'm 29 so I'm almost a meme wizard.
I think transitioning wouldn't have fixed anything in my life anyways I have a lot of issues other than that hence why I believe it was a great choice going on repression.

>>8444047
I'm fucked too anon, my family was pretty dysfunctional, bipolar dad breaking things in the house, mom picking me and my siblings and trying to run away only to come back in the next day. Shit like that.

At the beginning of my shut-in life I kinda read books, cleaned everything all that sort of stuff, over the years I became a slob. I don't even shave or cut my hair anymore I look like a hobo.

Honestly if it wasn't for my dog, anime and 4chan I would be dead already so I guess I have to thank them somehow.

6'2 here with a deep voice and strong jawline

I know the likelihood of me passing is basically 100:1 and that if I went on HRT I'd probably end up looking like some kind of demented goblin.

It hurts.

Sometimes I just want to end it all since I know I can never be the cute girl I am inside :(

>>8442796
you are probably right... I can go from kms depression to laughing but its not like as strong hypermania and also shorter periods than clinical bipolar as far as Ive read
Im really moody either way and can cry when I listen to sad songs and Im not on any pills

>>8442831
I just play with myself and pose so I can look at my wide hips in thigh highs and thin waist and use some imagination too and ignore anything manly
I also shave all body hair to feel better
I have very distorted self-image and see myself more fermenting than I really am, I guess it helps

>>8444071
I was just about to come out and talk to a gender therapist level-trans at 14. I chose not to for several reasons, most importantly being that it would add only more pain to my life, and not truly help me. I still feel this was the correct choice today.

Mental issues, severe ones to put it short is how I'm fucked from birth.

>>8444091
I feel you. I've been shutin my entire life, pretty much. Didn't even go to high school+no homeschooling, exc. Case was so bad THAT i was allowed to completely not be educated through any schooling pretty much. I found my own way through my own research. Don't want to talk about specifics for privacy reasons / someone figuring out who I am.

>>8444165
Welcome to being AGP/dysphoria.

It comes in waves, at least for every AGP/HSTS/Trans/exc person I know.

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>>8443953
>>8443995
Dont give up on yourself like this. Ive only started to live at 25 when I got my shit together, found a job and became independent.
Took lots of effort and I had been on ADs and anxiolytics just to get outside at first (had panic attacks after years of sitting home)
Its a struggle but it's much better than sitting home being nothing, bating in self-loathing that gets fueled by parents bitching too.

>>8444165
Maybe you have borderline personality disorder. That's what I have and originally I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I actually think I developed it though repressing unfortunately.

>>8444219
>I developed it though repressing

it is genetic

>>8444238
At the very least it got worse through repressing.

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>>8444219
b-but its mostly females who are borderline

>>8444215
I've actually tried to go outside, do stuff, and so on. It only made me feel worse. I know for an absolute fact there is nothing that would ever make me happy, short of a magical cure for my issues, with a magical gender change to go with it. I cannot work a normal job as my conditions make me essentially unemployable, that's why I'm on disability. Not giving specifics for privacy reasons, here.

I also don't really want to be anything at all, apart from the daydream of "a normal girl that never went through the shit I did".

It's too late for me. I sometimes can help people online, and have done so to better some other people's lives that are not so hopeless. I also have plenty of online friends. It helps me keep going, and even if you are like me, you can still have an impact however small on this world.

I don't loathe myself. I just loathe that this is the way things have to be. It is misery, with small shining bits of hope quickly swallowed by my issues, general depression and dysphoria of course.

>>8444215
I don't think I could hold a job or be a normal functioning person I'm too far gone. Like >>8444280 said only way to fix me is a magic cure and a gender change.

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>>8444215
I'm not sure if it's just psychological or actual a physical issue I developed but whenever I leave my bed I feel quite dizzy and super sick.

I also get super nervous when I leave the house, even if I have to grab something from the mailman for my mom. I don't even pick up telephone calls.

I'm past saving my dude, I'm like pic but not a jap.

>>8444267
Makes sense I'm a repressing tranny.

>>8444280
You clearly can do mental work, like anything that requires sitting at your computer.
And depression/anxiety/bpd can be helped with meds.

We are repressing but we are not giving up!

>>8444327
I'm glad you haven't given up. Keep fighting the good fight anon I hope you find happiness.

>>8444310
>literal cancer

with any luck you'll be dead soon

>develop anorexia to be pretty at 12
>on and off anorexia and bulimia throughout high school
>start experimenting with makeup, nail polish and questionably girly clothing
>snap at senior year and start lifting
>become a chad and start fucking random girls
>suicidal ever since

>>8444347
As long as it doesn't hurt too much and my mom doesn't have a heart attack when she finds my dead body I'm fine with that.

I hope my dog doesn't get too sad either, she likes me to put my blanket over her during the dusk so she takes a nap.

>>8444310
Ive been like that too. I couldnt be outside without getting a panic attack, especially in crowded places. I had to take valium.
It got better after a while and I could commute fine and felt safe with people I knew and could work (tho some anxiety remained its manageable)

>>8444327
I'm awfully incompetent, and extremely fucked even after extensive treatment, the docs gave up on me. (I've talked to over 30 different doctord, phycs, exc. And been prescribed p. Much every medicine out there.)

I'm not giving up for sure. I cannot do much of anything with consistant competence, which leaves almost all mental work out of the picture, unless the job is along the lines of copy and pasting with not a lot of required accuracy, in which would significantly cause distress in my life for almost no gain (I don't really need much money, as medical stuff is all free, and I'm not transitioning so disability money is enough, desu.)

I find my own way of contributing to the world that helps me cope, like being there emotionally for friends online and such whenever I actually can. It's not much but it helps me with self worth a great deal.

I'll never give up, I know that. I just need to wait for the future.

>>8444327
Thanks regardless for the kind words, anon.
If there is one thing anyone can give to this world, it is being kind.

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Your dysphoria is lifted from you and manifested in a physical form for you to fight

The stronger the dysphoria, the stronger the monster.

Your battleself will be the avatar of your perfect masculine self so you are able to fight

If you defeat the beast, you are granted cishood, dysphoria will never bother you again, the idea of being a girl will become negative to you, while masculinity will only empower and strengthen you, just like a real cis male

But if the beast defeats you? You awake back in reality with your testicles removed and a box of HRT by your bed. You're a tranny for real now.


Do you take the challenge?

>>8444687
Yes I would love this challenge. If I win I can finally be normal and even if I lose at least I stop repressing. I don't know if I could beat the monster though in all honesty. I have really crippling dysphoria so the monster would be very hard to beat.

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>>8444687
Am I allowed to use my husbando as my avatar to defeat the monster instead?

>>8444687
I gladly surrender!
I want to be forced into transition
AAAAAA make it stop

>>8444764
Same. What's wrong with us?

>>8444764
This desu. I wouldn't even fight, I'd just hug my dysphoria. I'd be fucked even as a perfect male.

>>8444764
>>8444772
The monster accepts your surrender. The reality fades back to your bedroom
You feel a calmness now you have very little testosterone in your body
You take your hrt dose for the morning
Your life is just beginning

>>8444879
If the monster can magically give us an orchi, can't it fuck with our body and chromosomes and just make us cis girls?

What a jerk dysphoria is.

>>8444888
do you really wanting a monster fucking with your chromosomes?
monsters do mean things.
you're probably not going to end up looking or feeling anything near what you'd want

>>8444879
Why do I want this? :(

>>8444352
Same but throw in self harm and the marine corps

>>8444905
It did just give us a box of HRT...

>>8444905
But the monster is a part of me and I surrendered to him, so maybe he will show me mercy right?

>>8444913
>the monster greets you in "battle" before you surrender.
>It's you, as a cute girl
>she hands you a box of HRT and says you'll be me in 5 years
>wake up
Why live?

>>8444705
>>8444714
>>8444764
>>8444772
>>8444860
Lets combine our power!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPR7S-qo8Ag

>when you've failed to quit hrt 5 times and can only last 3 days without e at most

Alright. Spartan is dead. I'm a girl.

>>8445007
I'm just curious how did you first end up on E after repressing? Obviously you ordered it or whatever, but like what happened to make you do it.

>>8442596
It's harder than you think, these patterns crop up everywhere
>yo
>easy as fuck

>>8445022
The whole thing fell apart once the subconscious repression was broken, childhood and teenage memories tore me apart and it led to estrogen which at the time I rationalised as "my body will reject it and I can move on with my life"

But really it was the whole fear of living the rest of my life repressing

Then it turned out to be amazing and never wanted to be off it. Save attacks of self loathing or repressive fear

The only way to destroy the monster that lives inside of you is to face it head on. You must take the hormones, men, and resist their effects with all your will. Do not stop taking them or you will have proven you are too weak. When you have been on them for years and can still call yourself a man you will have truly conquered the monster.
Godspeed lads.

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>>8445063
>mfw I fell for this

Huck it in me dumper

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>>8444714
If I'm allowed to be a character of my choice then I'm pic related. Not only do I get to be hyper fucking cool during the fight, there would be no way I could lose if I'm Zero.

>>8445030
That "yo" was supposed to be a "you". I'm repressing, of course my speech patterns are masculine.

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>Tfw when your off hrt you realise how much you need E
>tfw when your on hrt you realise how much you need repression

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I miss those days

>>8445007
It's a girl!

>>8444953
IT'S NO USE!

>>8445043
This scares me. I don't want to lose my repression, ever.

>>8445063
So what you're saying is, become a hon? No thanks. I'd rather not. Also I'm pretty sure if I started taking E I'd give in and become a girl within a few weeks.

>>8446606
Unfortunately, dysphoria will find a way. It'll put you in some obnoxious plotline where your only power is taking estrogen, and you'll be left trying to fight this thing depressed as fuck.

>>8446796
This is every time I conciously choose to reprees again. I'm just exploring how I feel about things right now, I'll be back to permarepress in no time.

Right now I feel better just realising "Welp, I'm AGP." But it'll feel like shit when the megadysphoria kicks in.

>>8446876
But Zero always revives thanks to his Gary Stu powers.

>>8446992
But he would revive as a girl

>>8446606
I bet Zero would look super cute in a skirt and on estrogen!!

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>>8446992
>>8446996
>>8447004

>>8447011
That's Ciel.

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>>8447059

>>8447068
That's a genderbent MMZ Zero, it's like cheating, MMZ's Zero already looks like a girl.

>>8445007
why do you still wrestle it if you want it so badly? 3 days dont mean shit physiologically, but your conscious wants to keep on transitioning so dont fight it, let it go and see where it leads you, the changes are slow anyway and you remain boymode for almost a year or so

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>>8444687
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNcKhfp3Hv4

AHHHHHHHH

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>>8445063

I've tried buying some last year but it turned out harder than I thought so I gave up
and no endo would prescribe it to a fetishist

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What you see in the mirror repgen?

>>8447202
ur mom

>>8447202
I would see a cute girl in the mirror you happy? It doesn't mean it can be a reality though.

>>8447202
A proud, happy man, fit and kind [nospoiler]with me the hot chick rubbing up against him[/nospoiler]

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>>8447202

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>>8447202

>>8447202
me when I was 18 and still had a chance for a good life whatever I wanted to be

>>8447212
This one hits quite hard to be hon

>>8447210
>[nospoiler]with me the hot chick rubbing up against him[/nospoiler]

you got me there, well played

>>8447235
sad...

>>8447212
Fucking OUCH

I want to be a girl

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>>8447339
This is not a place for weak girls, you are a man and want to be a man! A happy, confident, strong man. Reject the estrogen jew, delete genderbender anime and all the porn you fapped to self-inserting as a girl.
Shake off all the slander and prejudice that gender-marxists throw against men.
Embrace the masculinity, be MAN and proud! Its great to be a man, you are stronger and smarter, more active and competitive. Why would you ever want to be inferior sex? You won chromosome lottery! you are a natural-born winner, THE MAN

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>>8447434
The whole >you will transition at 50
Meme got to me

>be ftm
>start transitioning at a young age (11)
>start T at 15
>suddenly realized I fucked up around a month ago
>will never look like a lady and still dont feel comfortable as a lady
>dont feel comfortable as a man either
>repress and stay a man because I dont want to be a tumblr snowflake either.

>>8447434
>estrogen jew
>gender-marxists
lol

Not the anon you replied to, but I want to be pretty, cute, smol. I want to wear pretty clothes and paint my nails and be feminine. I want a guy to protect me and hold me close and tell me I'm a good girl. I don't want to be a guy, I want to be WITH a guy. I hate being a guy.

>>8447448
also what the fuck do I do /rep/?

>>8447448
Hmm, I've never dealt with a case such as this

What features inhibit you from passing as male?

>>8447467
the problem is that I look exactly like a cis male now but Im unsure if I actually feel like a male now but I dont feel like a lady at all so the logical option would be a weird 3rd gender. I dont roll with snowflake genders so Im wondering if I should repress and choose one or the other and how to repress effectively.

my face and body look like a males except the chest and genitals of course.

>>8447434
>delete genderbender anime and all the porn you fapped to self-inserting as a girl.
but it's the only thing i can get off too

>Why would you ever want to be inferior sex?
because i'm inferior.

>>8447448
How did you realize you'd fucked up?

Why did you think transition was the right choice in the first place?

>>8447449
There is nothing funny, there is a war against manhood, attack on men is on all fronts. Massive slender and discrimination, Marxists just swapped class for gender lying that men are always the oppressors and women are the oppressed, ignoring the fact that men are actually the working class.


>>8447449
>I want to be pretty, cute, smol. I want to wear pretty clothes and paint my nails

These are all vain stereotypes pushed on you by beauty industry to sell you garbage you never need. Women are brainwashed and made to feel inferior to all those dolled-up photoshopped models, manipulated to buy more products. And you are falling for the same trick.
But you are not a guidable girl, you are a man and you see through it. You can be naturally beautiful as you are.

And you can be loved as a man by another man, be supported and protected no need to play the gender games. be a good boy.

>>8447441
You have the lying media massively pushing the trans agenda to destroy society norms, Jenner made a nation-wide hero for what? Being a rich, old fetishist who can do whatever.
Now you got memed that transition is inevitable instead of realizing your full potential as a man that you are.

>>8447489
when I started my anti-psychotic meds, I started having doubts for the first time in 7 years

I had terrible dysphoria and depression since I was young, the first time being about 6 to 8 years old. I would cut my breasts and wrists with a razor. recently I ended up in the mental ward for schizophrenia and that's when I got on my meds and started having doubts.

>>8447497
What were the doubts?

What made you feel dysphoric? Being treated as a girl, not getting to play with boys, seeing a girl in the mirror, having to dress as one, etc?

>>8447500
seeing a girl in the mirror, already hanged out with tthe boys and dressed as one for the most part so naturally was treated as one. most of the dysphoria was physical, as in body parts and mental, as in why am I a girl type stuff

>>8447494
I have a bf who wants to help turn me from a boy to a man. But I'm secretly on hrt and have been able to hide that fact though weight loss

I am torn between the two.

>>8447508
>as in body parts and mental, as in why am I a girl type stuff
Describe this further?

>>8447475
You are just a boy, we dont become men overnight, it can be a struggle, the socialization is different, take small steps and enjoy your journey.

>>8447518
body part mutilation of breasts with a razor and ignoring genital hygene
mental depression and hating the fact that I wasn't a girl

>>8447519
>inb4 all boys want to be girls at some point in their life

>>8447525
How did your parents treat you being so GNC?

Describe the mental depression further?

>>8447530
grew up with only a mother, she was extremely supportive, but when I came out she made me watch boys dont cry at 11 years old which was fucked.

I would sit in bed for weeks and cry over nothing and everything, manic depressive episodes. just general depressive stuff. eventually mellowed out but I missed almost an entire year of school because of it.

>>8447511
Why dont you stop HRT? of course its kills the manliness and not only physical, if changes your brain too!

>>8447525
If you have a legit mental disorder it's different, cant give you any generic advice or comment on your situation. There are documented cases of schizophrenia manifestation as GID and treating the cause would solve the gender problems too. Seek qualified help, possibly more than one psychiatrist to be sure.

>>8447538
6 months into hrt. I can't stop it. I am dependant

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>>8447202
Why do you think I'm offing myself?

>>8447482
You are not inferior, you got caught in the loop of fetish porn and conditioned yourself with pleasure. You have to break out and regain your manliness and self-worth.
Don't impose dysphoria on yourself only cause of your fetish, distance your personality from what turns you on, you are not the object of your desire.

>have a gross shaped head
>shoulders of a linebacker
>figure life would make more sense if I were born a girl
>slipped into depression after grade school
>graduate college and still feel like shit

I literally don't know what to do. I lack any motivation to lose weight. I lack any motivation to do anything for myself. I work 7 days a week. Whenever I look in a mirror, I just don't recognize myself. There is no one I can talk to. No one. I feel like a freak.

So yeah, repression. It's fun. As I type while crying

>>8447537
I've never watched boys don't cry. Why did it make you so depressed?

>>8447579
Meh, I've just grown used to this pain. You will end up just being numb, don't worry, give it time.

>>8447579
>>figure life would make more sense if I were born a girl
Why is that?

>>8447584
the movie didn't make me depressed, its a movie about a transman who made great friends with people who turned around and murdered him for being trans.

>>8447596
Oh. Well that's harsh. So why do you feel like being a man isn't your thing either?

>>8447594
Because nothing makes sense to me still. I honestly don't know how else to explain. I just don't feel right. Never have.

>>8447601
I dont know, I'm having dysphoric feelings again and feelings of doubt. not really depressed though.

>>8447202
I see nothing. wut do?

>>8447611
But you don't want to be female either, right? I seriously don't know what to say, try stopping HRT or taking estrogen if you can no longer produce it, see how you feel.

>>8447610
Maybe try to articulate it. It helps to understand yourself. What you dont like, what would you change, what and where would like to see yourself in the future, what would you like to avoid?

>tfw you realsise after all this time on hrt your brain is now thinking like a woman

>>8450377
How long did it take?

>>8450389
5 months

Things are calmer and easier to deal with my emotions and reflect on my feelings

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>>8450393
>Things are calmer and easier to deal with my emotions
That's the exact opposite of what real women are like.

>>8450402
Well my problem before is I wouldent a dress my problems and got angry all the time and upset

>>8450405
Yikes I'm like this and I try to avoid my main problem(being trans)

>>8450393
Just curious do you feel a lot better on HRT?

>>8450377
>your brain is now thinking like a woman
Could you explain? whats the difference, any examples? besides being more emotional

>>8447684
> suggests estrogen to the ftm
what is wrong with you anon???

>>8450453
He says he started feeling dysphoric after taking antipsychotics. Maybe he never had dysphoria to begin with so being a man is now causing them to feel bad. I don't know if he tries and he feels better maybe it's the right choice.

>>8447537
>but when I came out she made me watch boys dont cry at 11 years old which was fucked.
What the actual fuck?

>>8450447
Absolutely

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-40312597


Remember. Your curse is also your armour.

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>>8451985
>According to the data given by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, worldwide,
>78.7% of homicide victims are male,
>in 193 of the 202 listed countries or regions, males were more likely to be killed than females.

>>8452285
Yea but you die less scared

Idea for a fun movie

One day it will be against the law for anyone found out to be a tranny to not be on hormones the same way diagnosed schizos are forced to be on their meds

Repressors when discovered will be sent to transition centres for their own good
Or if discovered in early childhood by school therapists and appropriately reassigned to the correct gender.

But some always repress into adulthood and mandatory psychology tests when discovered or refused they turn into fugitives on run from the medical industry that wants to treat them.

And the world has advanced to global communism and run by a tolitarian but benevolent regime that only enforces these things for the greater good and overall happiness of society

And a Repressor from 2017 accidentally tome travels to this future and is soon identified by the high tech brain scanners and psychologists when he runs into trouble with the police for not having an idenfication chip, and then escapes and is revered as a prophet by an underground group known as the "The brotherhood of Adam" the remnants of what we would call /pol/ repressors, and the old right wingers as our character has been able to fully masculinise due to not being fed testosterone suppressors in the water supply or malnourished by scavenging for off the grid food not laced with chemicals to make men docile (for the greater good, natural good looking chads still exist as they are resistant to its effect, they just become kinder, lesser men who fail evaluations and show signs of dysphoria are transitioned)

And the main character is revered as almost superhuman, and the movie follows them on the run from the state but the repressor dysphoria cripples when they realise in this futuristic world that they can undo all the damage their repression did and actually be female thanks to medical advances, causing them to surrender to the authorities and shows them casting off their old ways of thinking and identity

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>>8452714
I'd watch it

>>8452714
would watch and cry at the end
kinda funny how its so relatable for people like us, but 99,9% of the population wouldn't get it

oh also there was http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088083/

>>8452758
thought the same thing

don't read the casting you'll get spoiled

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HOW do I stop spending half a day on /tttt/ HALP

also almost indirectly came out to my friends, lots of joking and "GAY" and "I want to be a girl too haha"
kill me

>>8452787
Just come out to them anon! Maybe they'll be nice and help you stop repressing? Wouldn't it be nice to have people help you transition?

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>>8452714
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvaNUFCbZcA

>you stumbled out of the Allyway from where the bright light blinded you
>you look around, the usual stone and mortar buildings were replaced with sleek smooth materials and glass
>before you could react a small spherical drone hovers in front of you
>"sir you appear to be in distress"
>"scanning brain structure, dysphoria flaw detected, gender identity designated as female, searching for ID chip and medical handler ,mental distress at male pronouns, apologies miss...
>"scanning...no ID chip detected, alerting local law enforcement, Rogue Repressor detected, please wait while we assist you Ma'am and transport you to the nearest medical facility"

>you couldent believe it your best kept secret, your deepest desire, uncovered by some robot
>you started to panic wondering if this was some strange dream, you have no time to panic as you see two police officers decked out in high tech looking uniforms start rushing towards you
>"miss! Stay where you are, remain calm, you've gone off grid, pulled out your id chip and for your own safety we need to take you back to your registered transition centre, that patrol drone shows you are in mental distress from your dysphoria
>you instinctively back away
>"fuck off! Who are you?! What is this place!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YanwyGP0Li4

>you move to run but one of the officers grabs your hand
>all your fear and anger causes you to push the officer back
>you try to struggle but his hand appears to be some kind of machine assisted power glove
>the other officer quickly grabs his communicator
>"this is Charlie-34, we have a situation, dysphoric non-transitioned transfemale, no ID, non-compliant, probably under the influence of Testosterone, could be an underground member, detaining for medical treatment, tranquilising for pacification and transportation"

>before you can react you feel a small needle inject into your neck...everything fades to black

>>8452856
Im nothing but a man
cant play these gender games

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>>8452936

>>8452714
Why can't I live in this future where I'm forced to transition and can live as an actual female?

>>8447448
>go on hrt meant for mtf trannies
>worst case scenario become an hero or a living science experiment

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>>8452936
>>8453067
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXUHRg6nhAg

>you groggily awake in a white brightly lit room to see a female doctor standing over you
>you are strapped to the chair by a light but very strong material strap
>"tsk tsk tsk, you poor girl...such needless self harm -oh good you're awake, now from the police report and my notes here, you are one very confused girl, let me fill you in, being an undergrounder means you've been cut off from society and indoctrinated into harmful self loathing of your own identity, forced to adopt behaviour only seen in the early 21st century, but I want you to remain calm and relax, whatever the underground might have told you, I am here to help you sweetheart, ok?
>"u-underground? What's that?"
>"oh? You're not from the underground brotherhood? The illegal off the grid homeless colony of what was the remnants of the patriarchy replaced by the equilitarchy?
>"no..." you reply
>"hmm that is odd, but it would explain why you walked into a main sector without a Repressor chip, an illegal black market augmentation to hide from Street drones and prevent diagnosis and treatment, widely used by the Underground."
>"sector? Drones? Where am I and what year is this"
>"Amnesia as well? See this is why repression is bad for you, it's incredibly damaging which is why we made it illegal, it's the year 2123 and this is Central Sector Hospital at least now you can get the proper treatment you need"
>"treatment?" You inquire "what treatment?

>"well transition of course, even with amnesia you will be aware of your dysphoria and your gender identity, it's extremely dangerous for a transgirl such as yourself to repress, but please dont worry, myself and my team and here to help give you specialised care and treatment to help you become the woman you are"

>your heart froze with terror and hope
>you started to cry
>"but I never told anyone, I kept it a secret..."

>"well it's not a secret here miss"

>>8453113
This. Trans people wouldn't be a thing soon enough, because they'd be transitioned at birth.

>>8452936
>>8453229
>tfw ywn be forcibly feminized by the government

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Hey you all.
Stop talking right now about wanting to be feminized by sorcery, government or some other shit.

This is repression general.
Not I want to be a pretty girl general
WE ARE MANLY MAN ON THIS SHIT HERE.
I'M A MANLY MAN.
FUCK.

REPEAT WITH ME, I'M NOT TAKING THE HORMONAL JEW. I'M A MAN.

>>8453229
Rreeeeeeee why can't this be me...
Fuck. Just gotta wait for the future..

>>8453256
I'm not taking the hormonal jew.
But I'm not a man either.
Repression until death.

>>8453256
I'm not taking HRT but that doesn't mean I want to be a man

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>>8453244
>>8453246
Hello miss!
Time for you mandatory sex change, aww don't cry, it's just what happens when you take the masculinity evaluation at 18, it happened to me too, you'll be happy as a female, the test shows that and that's what it's for, it prevents you having to live as someone your not!

>>8453260
>>8453261
You two shut the fuck up.
We are manly men.
We love being men
We aren't bitches we are dudebros.
Fuck yeah.

>>8453263
Why can't this be real?

>>8453263
These posts remind me to get off this board everytime I get a good feeling from reading this.

>>8453268
We are manly.. girls.. We hate being men.. but we are NOT bitches, but we are not dudebros either. We are Repressors.

Fuck yeah. (Crippling dysphoria inside)

>>8453275
This. If only it was real. I need to go and repress for a few months and get off this board, to be hon-est. Anything is better than being a tranny.

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>>8453277
Be strong.
Give up on the we are girls.
This will make repressing easier.
Be a manly man.

>>8453283
That's weakness!
Stop being weak.

>>8453277
I don't want to be a girl on the inside or the outside I just want to be a man who isn't fucked up and didn't have a childhood filled with fuck and gender ident issues!

>>8453268
I don't love being a man, but I am one and nothing can chance that.

>>8453277
>These posts remind me to get off this board everytime I get a good feeling from reading this.
Iktf. I get this feeling of happiness reading stuff like this. I wish I wasn't like this.

>>8453307
I've tried to not be weak.. but every second I spend on this board makes things worse.

I don't want to be a hon... I'm a manly.. person.

Repression is hell.

>>8453312
Don't we all.. but the facts are facts.. It's repression or transition if yiu want to survive.

>>8453313
I know.. at this point I'm just beginning to accept I'll always be like this and I'm a filthy, dirty tranny that will never transition because male life is better than hon life.

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>>8453316
>I don't want to be a hon... I'm a manly.. person.
Then repress with me!
I believe in you anon, you can be a manly man!
We don't have to transition.

Every time you say something other than I'm a man you're closer to breaking down and becoming a hon.

>>8453333
So how far have I fallen if I've accepted I'm a tranny and not a man, but wont transition?

>>8453343
This, what do i do? Repression is honestly worse than being an open non-transitioner.

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>>8453343
If you do that.
You have to forget about it.
You have to focus on moving on in any form you can.
It doesn't matter if it hurts. We keep walking on.
Wear those scars with pride and hold on. Never back down or show weakness.

Threadly reminder: All of you are beautiful girls.
Repressing doesn't make you a man, it just makes you an unhappy girl. If you transition just think of how much happier you're gonna be! If you felt even the tiniest bit of happiness at the feminization stories, then you've got to know that you're trans and that that happiness you felt is only a very small part of the happiness you will feel when you transition.

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>>8453380
Shut up.
I'm not a girl.

You just want me to become a meme hon so you feel prettier in passgen.
Transitioning will only bring me sadness, no family, being bullied online and offline and all for a false sense of "I'm finally the closest I can be of normal"

Fuck you.

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>>8453229
>>8453257
>you dry the tears from your eyes
>the Doctor comforts you
>"aww don't worry Miss, the treatments we have Available will make you very happy and comfortable in yourself however I do have some bad news"
>"uh huh?"
>"well due to the extensive testosterone damage your treatment will take long than our average patient, instead of the standard 24 weeks, we will have to use our stronger puberty reversal drugs and skeletal restructuring, and there is the optional choice of height alteration, but that is up to you of course, and then we will finalise with chromosome reassignment, stem cell vagina and uterus and ovarys etc all in all it will take 52 weeks for full completion, I hope that's not too distressing for you.
>"you mean 52 weeks and I'll be completely female? T-that's what you call bad news"
>your heart is flooded with joy and you start to cry again but tears of happiness not sadness
>"this Can't be real"
>"it is real miss, you should have come to us sooner"
>"if only you knew how far I've really come"
>"I'm so happy to see you're pleased Miss, it's always nice to help patients like yourself, now of course with you being unregistered and unchipped, with being off the grid status, a government carer will visit you in the next week to organise your new id, living arrangements for your eventual discharge and future employment options, feel free to pick out your new female name"
>she smiles
>"in the meantime we will keep you comfortable with estrogen and testosterone blockers while we set up your treatments
>"that sounds wonderful ;-;"

>fast forward one year later
>pic related
>you are living happily in your apartment checking your messages and social media
>your so excited, your about to go on your first date, you hope it goes well
>for the first time in your life you are finally alive and happy

The end <3

>>8453380
I am a girl and I am an unhappy repressing girl. Sometimes I feel like transitioning could make me happier. Sometimes I feel happy thinking about giving in and and just transitioning. I don't know if I actually would be that much happy once the reality of everything sets in if I did do it though. It would cause a lot of upheaval in my life and I probably would end up a hon too.

>>8453410
Good story, Anon. God I wish this could happen to me. I would literally sell my soul.

>>8453380
I-I love you :(
I'm gonna go tell my doctor I want to transition ok

>>8453395
I was like this pre hrt
But honestly Estrogen is so magical for the brain

>>8453395
I don't want you to become a hon, I just want you and every other girl in this thread to be happy. It's clear that repressing isn't make anyone happy here.
What's wrong with that?

>>8453415
Think of how unhappy you are repressing, and think of how much worse it's going to get if you keep waiting. Yes, it'll be a big change in your life but that doesn't mean it has to be a bad change!

>>8453440
I love you too anon! I'm really happy that you're going to transition, I'm sure you're gonna be a wonderful girl!

>>8453472
>tfw /repressgen/ is making you seriously consider transitioning
Maybe it is worth a try. I really am unhappy the way I am now and it probably will get worse. Maybe I can be happy. Well thanks for being nice, anon.

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>>8453380
I know its a lie but I love reading it.

>want to cry
>cover my face with my palms
>only to feel coarse stubble

>>8453503
You can take it step by step at a time anon.

Nice and gentle, there's no need to be stressed.

Take your hrt and present boymode. You'll look younger and cuter and no one has to know until your ready and confident, and on hrt the thought of presenting female becomes less shameful and more happy and encouraging.

>>8427514
It's not fixing everything so don't start if you think it will improve other aspects of your life besides some dysphoria.
4 years in passing is on point but still my body fucks me up, the thought of being trans is shameful, i hate myself more than ever and depression is raging like nothing before.

I wish i could repress, maybe, i'm not sure. Atm it would be more fuzz to repress again and dypshoria would probably worsen. I'm sure it will worsen, but maybe i will feel like a part of society again if i repress again.
Just pretending i'm just a gay human doing gay things with tall muscular men, ya know? With gay friends, lots of sex and no possibility of fucking myself up even more. It's confusing
>>8430209
i like this
>>8444044
don't worry, even with transition you'll end up drunk/high and alone at home, 24/7
>>8444098
Maybe HRT could give you some relive
>>8444352
stop and loose the muscle mass, then gain while doing HRT with low protein high carb diet
>>8444687
I would love to meet one person that beat that monster. Funnily enough i recently had my orchi
>>8453410
stop it buttface :(

>>8453503
You're welcome anon. I hate seeing so many people be so upset, so to know that you're gonna try doing something that's gonna make you happy warms my heart.

>>8453527
It's not a lie! You're a beautiful girl on the inside, even if you don't look like one just yet. If the stubble bothers you, just shave! No one's gonna think differently about you if you take that one small step towards making you look a way that's gonna make you happy.

why is this board so full of repress/depress/kms/ hopless AGP threads lately?
summertime?

(not making another thread to ask)

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>>8453569
I only repressed on here as a cry for help

Then when my symptoms and feeling matched what other transgirls experienced I just stop doubting myself and took hrt.

Honestly things are only starting out but I feel so happy on female hormones

>>8453594
ok Ill will try it
I bet I will change my mind tomorrow

Im just tired of being unhappy, alone, with no purpose in life. As if HRT would solve any of those problems.

Why is no one telling me to go treat my depression or something?

Fuck Im literally laughing right now how people are getting meemed into transitioning, HOLY SHIT
Why is this happening?

I just take hrt look sort of andro and kinda make do. Every day is pain and to know I will never have what I want is enough to make me want to die.

>>8453569
Because a storm's brewing. For years people mindlessly worshiped feminine traits superimposed onto a male body. Traps aren't gay, anon! Traps can't do anything to you, anon! Trap fetishes can't make you a tranny! Femininity is good, femininity is god!!!! NOTHING MATTERS ASIDE FROM BEING SOFT AND PRETTY ON THIS EARTH! PLAYING AS GIRL CHARACTERS IN VIDEO GAMES AND IN TABLETOPS MEANS NOTHING!!!!

And now you're wondering why you have an AGP crisis? You built this. Bask in it.

>>8453720
whats with all the fairytales that estrogen alone makes you feel better?
looking andro should make you less dysphoric, no?

>>8453754
taking on moms clothes and fapping to myslef in the mirror meant nothing too!
fucking jews did this

>>8453757
Its bullshit. Like sure hrt makes me feel better but to say it just solves everything is just not true.

And yes looking andro makes me feel better than I did but now I kinda feel like I need to pass or theres no point in living. Everything else feels like second place and settling, making do of a bad situation.

>>8453757
If half your problems in life were summed up as "tfw not a girl" and you start taking estrogen and making steps toward that you'd feel a lot better too, if only from psychogenic effects.

The 'HRT is the best antidepressant' meme needs to stop though. You people are running the risk of depressed fucks taking a life path they really didn't want in the end if only to try ANYTHING to cure their sadness (which can arise for many reasons outside of gender identity issues). For people like me, people who've been on antidep course after antidep course with no resolution in symptomatology for life, shit like that attracts me like a moth to the fire. Not because I want to be a girl, but entirely because I want to be happy.

>>8453864
my fear exactly

>>8453864
and objectively "tfw not a girl" is the last of my problems, but thats all I can think of

and then I get memed that all my problems are because of being the wrong gender in the first place

/regretandrepression/ here

Want to transition so badly but I just don't think it's worth the risk to maybe pass.

>21yo
>6'1"
>17.5" shoulders
>deep voice
>pronounced Adam's apple

Would probably have to leave my job which I love and it would definitely throw all my friends / family for at least a little while

I'd love to be a girl more than almost anything in the world but it's too late for me now, sadly.

Oh well.

>>8453926
Date me. Let's do this together

>>8453931
Not them but okay, im pretty hon tho.

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Honestly, I don't have much left in my life but if I transitioned I know I would lose all of that.

I would lose my shitty job.
My mother and father would never talk to me again.
Everyone I know would distance themselves from me.
I would be made fun every single day everywhere.

And then I wouldn't be able to even afford any surgery or medication, I would just be a 27 year old hobo.

I wish things could be different but repressing is probably the least damaging thing I can do to my crappy life.

>>8453931
:)

I'd love to, anon.

But I've been flip-flopping this entire week about going to see my GP and getting hormones but I think I just have to see it from the logical point of view and realize that it's simply not in the cards for me. I waited too long.

I secretly hope that there's some way I could pass with this frame and if there were I'd jump at the chance but I'm just not sure :(

The risks are so large and while the potential reward is too, all I can think about is failing and being a hon for the rest of my life

>>8453926
welcome to the club, sister
21 is not too late, but who knows how you look

its great that you have a career and friends and can live a good life

>>8453945
>pretty hon
at least you are pretty

>>8453956
I'm 20. 21 later this month. Was gonna get a fuck ton of booze then an hero myself after I drank as much as possible. Instead I got drunk enough make a therapy appointment today. Maybe I'll be around another month

>>8453410
*starts hrt*

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>>8453956

>>8454076
>tfw you take hrt and still look like a man and this alpha soldier becomes a girl.

rip

>>8454090
you're really high if you think that thing passes for anything besides male teenager

>>8454076
*sigh*

I guess maybe there is hope after all

I'll go talk to my GP and see what she has to say about things, what's the worst that could happen, right?

>>8454116
Maybe im just desperate to beleive people pass.

>>8453380
I'm very aware of this, anon.

I just choose not to transition as I know in the end it will not make me happy, it will not end up like the story >>8453410 - it ends in you being a bitter hon.

I don't think repressing works.

But being a fake guy, with full knowledge of being a girl, and trying your best to be content with that is the only option for some.

>>8453569
Because it's fucking pride month.

All I hear is nonstop talk about trannies, which brings even the strongest repressors out of repression, as all you hear constantly is about LGBT people.

Just need to hold out for future tech.

>>8453618
This too, I have no purpose in life, and HRT WON'T fix that, I'll STILL feel life has no meaning, and I'll STILL be down. I've actually tried to treat my depression in the past, it's pointless. (obviously not bringing up trannyshit).

>>8453846
This.

>>8453864
This too. I've had dysphoria since my teens, but I've equally had depression since then.

Overall transition is not an option. Especially in Australia where it's basically required I go through the gatekeeper bullshit.

>>8454244
I'm in AU too, considering trying to get on HRT and transition.

Just how hard is it? I think I remember reading that after a visit to a GP it could be just a few weeks before I could get a prescription.

>>8454429
Depends on your state, mostly.

It can be from go to a GP and get mones after a short time to full year RLE before hormones.

Regardless you need to deal with physc evaluations, general bullshit like gatekeeping therapists if you're not lucky, most likely extremely long wait times to see an endo depending on state/area within said state, and so on.

>>8454549
Sydney, NSW

I-Is that good news or bad.

I need to get off of this board and website for a few months. I'm getting dangerously close to just transitioning.

>>8455061
This, tb-hon-est.

>>8455061
visit /mtfg/ it helps repressing more than /repressgen/

>>8455061
I'm at the point where I just don't know if I should keep repressing. I have a lot of other problems other than being a repressing tranny and I don't know how much finally transitioning would actually help.

>>8455115
Whatever you do, don't post in /mtfg/.

>>8455142
Same here, anon.

>>8455255
>Whatever you do, don't post in /mtfg/.
Why is that? I spent some time there, its just a silly chat.

>Tfw you are on hrt but switch between repress gen and hrt gen because your self loathing and self acceptance are in a constant battle

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If you anons want to keep repressing stop visiting this board.

Getting anon to tell you all you will pass and be beautiful happy girls doesn't help with anything and if you want to learn the truth go lurk the generals until you understand it.

Everyone will make fun of you all unless you pass, if you want to continue coming to this board do like me and check it from time to time but don't invest yourself too much.

Watch cartoons, play video games, fuck even watch some kind of AGP porn or whatever to help you cope but don't believe HRT magically turns you into a pretty girl. It's as much suffering if not more than you already have.

>>8457218
now to learn to deal with the loss of hope of ever being yourself

>>8457279
I already try to do that from the day I was born.

People telling I'm beautiful and I'm make a great girl in this thread are no different than the evil people who keep telling hons they look great.

Truth may hurt a little bit at start but it's better than being lied to and made fun behind your back.

>>8457681
but then how is an agp to cope with never being the girl she wants to be

>>8457783
You can never really cope with being AGP without transitioning.
It's going to keep gnawing away at you for the rest of your life, it'll probably end with an hero.
Not transitioning is a guarantee of unhappiness. Transitioning is a chance, no matter how small, of actually being happy.
If you're at the point or think you will be at the point where suicide seems like the best option, then there's no reason not to transition. Either you end up killing yourself, which is what you were going to do anyways, or you end up happy. There's no downside to trying to transition if you're at or going to be at rock-bottom and think suicide is the only way out of this living hell.

>>8457815
but hondom won't be good enough either

and i'm not at rock bottom

>tfw secretly on hrt unbeknownst to my boyfriend
>tfw he is my soulmate and the only person who's ever loved me and said I was attractive
>broke up temporarily when I started hrt
>got back together when I quit
>relapsed and couldent quit
>have to quit before he notices
>if I don't the only man who has ever loved me will leave me

The walls are closing in

>>8458005
That's complicated.
I'm repressing myself but I can't see myself lying to the guy I love.

He wants a husband and not a wife even though the latter would make you super happy I'm sure.
Don't lie to him anon, talk to him instead.
This is bad on many levels both for you and for him.

>>8457815
but I used to be happy before, I can still feel good sometimes. Its like getting over the loss of a girl you loved so much, but you dont have to make your entire life into grief

>>8458025
We broke up because I told him I wanted to be a girl and was on hrt

Then got Back together when I said I had quit and he meant more to me than some vain desire to be a girl.

And it was not threatening or hostile or insults when we broke up it was heartbreak

"I can't watch this happen to someone I care about, please take care of who you are and in a way, who you were, I have to harden my heart to this because it hurts to see you do this to yourself"

And my whole world collapsed without him, I hurt him deeply and I felt so lost without him. Because he loved me for who I was, while I didn't that's why I need to be strong and be a boy for him. So we can be together. We ARE meant to be together.

I will beat this disease for him

>>8458063
Hope you two can make things work out.
As long as he keeps supporting you there's a way out of this hell.
Don't give up anon.

>>8458005
Can't you just stay friends

I almost ordered hormones yesterday good thing qhi requires you to print something out and send it to them. That was a close one.

>>8458063
this is very touching
if only I had love to save me

>>8458086
It's not enough. I need his love.


>>8458082
He doesent mind me being non macho or sensitive, in fact he likes it that I have feelings.

>>8458094
Id collapse without him to save me

I want to be a girl, but I've repressed for so long I don't think I will pass. Life is suffering.

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Guess who's trying to quit hrt for a 7th time :D


I need another beer

>>8458505
You're my hero

>>8458510
IM not a hero.

I'm a dark knight

>>8458505
>>8458510
>>8458527
Scratch that I lasted 20 minute before the "you will wake up at 40 and regret throwing away your chance at 20" thoughts got to me

>>8458763
>>8458505
Why do you want to quit in the first place?

>>8458505 >>8458763

you need a friend, to take all your pills from you
like me
since I can never get over myself and buy them

also I dont want to a be girl anymore hahaha

being bpd is fun

>>8458883
INTernlised transphobia and self loathing

Also transphobic bf I fear losing when I become obvious I'm on hrt

>>8458895
I have BPD as well it's hell I wish I didn't have it.

>>8458895
>I dont want to a be girl anymore
Why the fuck not?!

>>8458930
>INTernlised transphobia and self loathing
Why do you have transphobia? What about being trans wrong in your eyes? (not trying to judge, just wanna know how you feel)

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>>8458948
dont care, feel fine being a man! might change in an hour
where is my pimozide

>>8459007
Because I had a reputation when repressing as a guy as a tough guy and contrary visualise how the people who knew me from school discovering I was a freak

I also was pretty gaslighted by my bf who really drives home the "you will never be a real girl" point

I see nothing wrong with others doing it

But myself? Utter disgust and shame

>>8459084
this is why Id be happy to move to another country where no one knows me

>>8459084
I used to be the same way i.e. a pretty masc guy, I had those "I'll never be a real girl" thoughts (though those thoughts came from /pol/, not a bf, desu), even though I wasn't too upset with other trans people.
I hope you get past the self-doubts/self-loathing, and that your bf will eventually see the light and accept you for the girl you are. Coming to terms with myself for being trans and actually transitioning was the single best thing I've ever done.

>>8459137
I don't think he will
I used to be a homophobe too

>>8459137
this is repression thread GET OUT

>>8459153
>I don't think he will
:(
I'm sure you've heard this before, but have you thought about breaking up with him? I'm sure you two are very close, but that shouldn't mean that he make you pretend to be a guy when you're really a girl.

>>8459137
but if i won't pass?

>>8459177
I tried when I originally started hrt and became suicidal and upset and begged him to take me back and swore to man up and be his boy

And I'd regret losing him for the rest of my life

>>8459189
Fuck, I'm really sorry for you anon, sounds like you're in a really tough place. I hope everything gets better.

>>8459187
I don't think I pass all that well (1 year HRT and I only get gendered female about 25% of the time), but I'm still happy I did it. Not having to pretend to be someone I'm not massively improved my life. Plus, even though it's rare, when people do call me miss, or ma'am, or gender me female in any other way makes me so, so happy for like a week.

>>8459170
I used to repress, so I'm still gonna post here. Besides, I like helping people and it seems like most everyone in these threads needs help.

>>8459240
ma'am pleaase >>8457218

>>8459240
What made you finally decide to transition? Do you think you will ever pass? Are you still in boymode? Do you actually feel better now that you're on E? Sorry for all the questions.

>>8459567
>What made you finally decide to transition?
Therapy. Having someone who I felt cared about me and gave me a place where I could explore my feelings without fear of judgement was really, really important. There was one moment in therapy, though, which made me absolutely certain transitioning was the right option: I asked her to try calling me by my girl name. She was the first person I ever told about my name. I felt so unbelievably, amazingly happy, because for the first time in my entire life hearing some say my name felt right. It was like suddenly everything in my life was made clear, I finally understood who I was.
>Do you think you will ever pass?
I hope so. Being gendered female occurs more and more often as I transition, so I hope that eventually I'll get to the point where I pass 100% of the time.
>Are you still in boymode?
Nope, went full time after 8 months. Even though I didn't pass, I was sick and tired of having to present as male. I don't regret it.
>Do you actually feel better now that you're on E
Absolutely. It's not instantaneous, but I've definitely noticed that in the past year of transiting I've been happier than I've been in the rest of my life put together.
>Sorry for all the questions
Don't worry about it! Ask as many as you like.

>>8459736
>>8459736
>I felt so unbelievably, amazingly happy, because for the first time in my entire life hearing some say my name felt right

What if I just never liked my name cause of other issues and insecurities (nothing bad with the name but everything with myself) and always used different names and nicknames everywhere to the point that even most of my irl friends barely ever called me by my real name?

What if I enjoy being seen and addressed as female online only for fetish reasons? I see it as a roleplay.
And if someone would do that in a normal situation I'd feel very conflicted and probably get pissed.

>>8462758
>What if I just never liked my name cause of other issues and insecurities (nothing bad with the name but everything with myself) and always used different names and nicknames everywhere to the point that even most of my irl friends barely ever called me by my real name?
Maybe you don't like your name because it's associated with your male identity, and the idea of having to present as male is upsetting? You don't like yourself, and getting a different name would let you identify as someone other than who you are/were.
Even when I was repressing, I hated hearing my name, but I didn't have any problems with other people I knew who had that name. The name's a fine name, but it never felt right for me. Even though I hated my name, I never thought about changing it to a girl name, though. I always wanted to change it to John, or Jack, or something generic and normal, because I just wanted to blend in and stop feeling like like an outcast. When I wasn't repressing is when I started thinking of girl names for myself.
1/2

>>8462758
>>8462879
>What if I enjoy being seen and addressed as female online only for fetish reasons? I see it as a roleplay.
Are you sure it's only for fetish reasons? What makes you think that? Have you never felt any happiness/excitement/other positive emotion at the thought of being female outside of sexual/erotic situations?
For me, initially I was thinking the same thing. Over time, I started looking at all the situations where I wished I was a girl. There were a lot of times where I wanted to be one without sexual reasons, but because there were some times that were sexual, I just thought it was a fetish. Eventually I realized that the main reason I wanted to be a girl was because I wanted to be happy, not because I wanted to get off, and that led me to realize that this wasn't just a fetish.
>And if someone would do that in a normal situation I'd feel very conflicted and probably get pissed.
Maybe that's because you're so used to hiding these feelings (maybe you feel shameful about them?), and if someone did that IRL it'd feel like they were invading your privacy because they were engaging a deeply held secret about yourself?
2/2

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/video_and_audio/must_see/40290864/transgender-woman-s-selfies-document-transition

Reminder this is what happens if you fail

>>8462879
>You don't like yourself, and getting a different name would let you identify as someone other than who you are/were.
Yes, exactly how I would explain it. It's insecurity and hiding my real self, wanting to create another persona maybe.
But its not
>don't like male identity, and the idea of having to present as male is upsetting
I've been fine with being male socially, honestly.
For example even in gaming communities - not just in games but social activity, like comp play and clans - I usually don't pretend to be female. But I the need to have different nichknames/fake names and never want to tell my real name.

But I felt the need to roleplay female sometimes and to have validation of my feminine side too.
I only picked a personal female name for fetish reasons after getting into trans community and fantasizing about changing my identity. It's a silly tranny name too so Id likely have to drop it. If you call me by this name and be nice to me Id melt and cry while getting a boner. Thats how broken I am, what a shame

>>8463088
>I've been fine with being male socially, honestly.
Fine as in "I like socializing as male, and even if I could socialize as female I would chose not to" or fine as in "I'll settle for socializing as male, because I can't socialize as a female"?
>For example even in gaming communities - not just in games but social activity, like comp play and clans - I usually don't pretend to be female.
Would you enjoy it if you could be female in those situations? Do you choose not to because you think it'd be lying to people, or that people wouldn't believe you're female?
>But I felt the need to roleplay female sometimes and to have validation of my feminine side too.
That doesn't sound like this is just some fetish, that sounds more like this is something that's really important to you
>I only picked a personal female name for fetish reasons after getting into trans community and fantasizing about changing my identity. It's a silly tranny name too so Id likely have to drop it. If you call me by this name and be nice to me Id melt and cry while getting a boner. Thats how broken I am, what a shame
If someone calling you by your girl name makes you melt and cry, that probably means that this isn't just a fetish. It sounds like your female identity means a lot to you. Just because you get off to it as well doesn't change that.
If you don't mind me asking, what is your girl name? You don't have to say it if you don't feel comfortable to, of course.

>>8462882
Maybe. But its like all the excitement from being a girl is sexual. I believe being female in general is not as fun, look at ordinary women - their existence is sad.
And every time I wanted or imagined I was one, was for sexual reasons, or to get attention and lust from boys, it's really intoxicating to be wanted. Maybe Im just a repressed attention whore?
But its mostly AGP, to get turned on by yourself and to love yourself and forget what a pathetic dude you are. Even out of sexual context. I want to be pretty and to be loved. And when I got that as a boy I was very happy with myself too and had no thoughts about changing sex. Does it explain anything?

>Maybe that's because you're so used to hiding these feelings (maybe you feel shameful about them?)
Probably. But a lot of the time I feel male, especially in social situations. I did some mental experiments like trying to imagine Im a woman when I go about my daily routine and it feels very inappropriate to myself. And if I transitioned (or magically became a woman) it would've been hard to adjust and let go of my male identity. That means I shouldn't transitions. I dont want to be like those hons who act totally masculine despite wearing dresses and makeup.

>>8463207
I think you're right, in that you're AGP. If you really have no desire to be female outside of sexual situations, then that's what you are.
Being AGP is a subset of being trans, though. Being AGP doesn't mean that you shouldn't transition, if you think it'd make you happy.
>And if I transitioned (or magically became a woman) it would've been hard to adjust and let go of my male identity
If you think the social aspect of transitioning, having to act female and adopt a female identity, isn't something that you're comfortable with then maybe transitioning isn't the right option for you.
But, even though it may be a difficult change, is it something that you'd unhappy with if you did get through the change?

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>>8463178
>Fine as in "I like socializing as male, and even if I could socialize as female I would chose not to" or fine as in "I'll settle for socializing as male, because I can't socialize as a female"?

Just fine as is, no second thoughts, like all the normal CIS (lol) people feel not second-guessing their gender. It's just natural.

Whenever I wanted to pretend female I felt shame though and didn't want to be an impostor or cringe roleplayer (its hilarious how gaming chats have some roleplayng weeb neckbeards that act exactly like /mtfg/ and most of them are not even trans or gay)


>It sounds like your female identity means a lot to you. Just because you get off to it as well doesn't change that.

Well its a part of me and its important and it eats me, but it is more like something I made up out of AGP than real me, if that makes sense? Maybe Im just a feminine boy that envied women too much and wants to be like them at least sometimes.

I dont know, how do real transgirls feel? its just you are the girl and you have to change your presentation and appearance to match your personality and identity? For me its not like that.

>If you don't mind me asking, what is your girl name?
I cant say, its too personal and remember, Im insecure and feel shame about it. I wouldn't even post it in a tranny names thread. Why?

>>8463309
>Just fine as is, no second thoughts, like all the normal CIS (lol) people feel not second-guessing their gender. It's just natural.
If it's totally normal and not weird/uncomfortable at all to think of yourself as a male in a social context, then maybe you're cis. If you like the idea of being feminine, but want to present as male, maybe you're a femboy?
>Well its a part of me and its important and it eats me, but it is more like something I made up out of AGP than real me, if that makes sense? Maybe Im just a feminine boy that envied women too much and wants to be like them at least sometimes.
It sounds like your female identity is something you're uncomfortable with even though it's important to you, since it doesn't feel like the "real you". Is that about right?
If you're not comfortable with identifying as female, then maybe you're not trans. On the other hand, maybe you're trying to distance yourself from the feminine part of your identity as a form of repression? We are in /repressiongen/, after all.
1/2 (I write way too much)

>>8463451
>>8463309
>I dont know, how do real transgirls feel? its just you are the girl and you have to change your presentation and appearance to match your personality and identity? For me its not like that.
I'd like to imagine I'm a real trans girl. I wouldn't say my experiences are the same as every other girls, but for me, when I was repressing and before I was transitioning I didn't think of myself as a girl necessarily. I knew I wanted to be a girl, that I'd be much happier as a girl than a guy, and that I hated being a guy. I thought I was a guy who wanted to be a girl, not as a girl in and of itself.
My aim wasn't to "match my personality and identity", I wanted to change how I presented myself so I could be happy with how I looked.
>I cant say, its too personal and remember, Im insecure and feel shame about it. I wouldn't even post it in a tranny names thread. Why?
I figured you wouldn't, but I thought it was worth asking anyways. I thought that maybe if I called you by your girl name, or if you shared it with someone else instead of keeping it a secret, you might be more comfortable with it. Sorry for asking.
2/2

>>8463451
I Feel ashamed of being feminine because of how I look

But if I looked like a girl I would have no problems with it

>>8463275
>Being AGP is a subset of being trans, though. Being AGP doesn't mean that you shouldn't transition, if you think it'd make you happy.

Its more like being transgender is a spectrum (nice meme right) but if we believe that its the result of brain feminization in the uterus then its totally plausible that people have varied degree of brain feminization. And while some feel discontent about their gender right away and absolute need to transition others only have minor dysphoria and only moments of wanting to be of other gender that mostly manifest in sexual context.
So how could you tell whats better for those people? I know its hard to discuss it with any impartiality and objectivity ...

What made you so sure you were trans and needed to transition besides feeling good when you were being addressed as female? Did you try being female in more social situations?
I feel like it would be great to try it in real life for some time, if you had a group where you could be female to get a taste and see how natural it is for you. Unfortunately we dont have any sort of gender therapy like that. Id probably feel dumb and embarrassed anyway

>>8463275
>But, even though it may be a difficult change, is it something that you'd unhappy with if you did get through the change?

Who knows? Not like I could possibly try it without throwing my whole life away. Will I miss being a guy? Sometimes I want to be female, but later on I could feel that it was some insanity fit or a pipe dream. I'd be a very happy girl in a relationship (boner, no! damn it )

Im really grateful for your answers and trying to help, cant get any pro help here so talking with you and other girls with similar experiences is my only chance.

>>8463472
>But if I looked like a girl I would have no problems with it
You know, transitioning helps with looking like a girl. Even if you don't think you'll pass as female, HRT will make you look more feminine, which might make you feel more comfortable being feminine.
>>8463549
>So how could you tell whats better for those people? I know its hard to discuss it with any impartiality and objectivity ...
I think the best choice is for the person to do whatever makes them most comfortable and happy with themselves. If they're comfortable looking more feminine from HRT, but don't want to socially transition then that's what they should do. If they'd be happiest both physically and socially transitioning, then that's the right plan for them.
1/2

>>8463549
>>8463650
>What made you so sure you were trans and needed to transition besides feeling good when you were being addressed as female? Did you try being female in more social situations?
There was a lot of stuff that made me feel like I was trans, and that transitioning was the right option. There's years upon years of stuff that made me think I was trans, too much to talk about here. The name thing was sorta like the capstone to it all, the straw that broke the camel's back.
I did have a chance to experience what it'd be like to present as female in social situations outside of therapy before I transitioned, and I think it helped. There was a group of trans people at my uni who had regular meetings to talk about things like transitioning, where to go to get help and things like that. I went there pretty often, and I asked them to call me by my girl name, use female pronouns, etc. Also, I started wearing nail polish and some slightly feminine clothes. Going to that group, presenting myself more femininely, both made me feel really comfortable with myself and helped me with accepting myself for being trans.
>Who knows? Not like I could possibly try it without throwing my whole life away.
You could try roleplaying as female online outside of sexual situations. See how it makes you feel.
>Im really grateful for your answers and trying to help, cant get any pro help here so talking with you and other girls with similar experiences is my only chance.
I'm happy to help! I hope what we're talking about helped you learn a bit more about yourself and maybe helped you understand your feelings about this better.
2/2

>>8463650
Been on hrt 5 months

Look like a younger boy

>>8463451
Its funny how hearing 'you are not trans' is both relieving and disappointing to me. My inner girl doesn't like being dismissed . But hearing 'you are a woman, go transition!' all the time and buying into it made me cry out of self-pity for how hopeless I am.

Yeah Im not comfortable with, and same as other poster said - cause its conflicting with how I look and also how society demands men to be manly and punishes and shames those who are feminine.
The closet is comfy.

>>8463815
>Its funny how hearing 'you are not trans' is both relieving and disappointing to me. My inner girl doesn't like being dismissed . But hearing 'you are a woman, go transition!' all the time and buying into it made me cry out of self-pity for how hopeless I am.
I never said you're not trans, I said maybe you're not trans. I can't tell you whether you're trans or not, only you can do that. You need figure that out for your self, using what we've been talking about and how you feel about all this. If you think transition will make you happy, do it. If you think you're gonna be happy without transitioning, do that instead. I can't tell you what to do, I can only try to help you figure that out for yourself.
Also, I don't think many cis guys have an "inner girl". Just something to think about.
>Yeah Im not comfortable with, and same as other poster said - cause its conflicting with how I look and also how society demands men to be manly and punishes and shames those who are feminine.
I don't want to say "screw society", but you should think about doing what's going to make you feel the best, even if that means going against what society says.

>>8463655
Where could you really roleplay outside of sexual situation and outside of gaming where thirsty teens make girls use neutral names to avoid unwanted attention and harrasment?

You are really lucky to have such support groups and general trance acceptance.

>>8463925
>Where could you really roleplay outside of sexual situation and outside of gaming where thirsty teens make girls use neutral names to avoid unwanted attention and harrasment?
I'm sorry, I'm really not sure. Maybe if you have friend(s) who you think would be okay with you coming out to them, they could help you with that. Like, you could adopt your female identity around them, ask them to use your girl name and female pronouns, see how it feels.
>You are really lucky to have such support groups and general trance acceptance.
You're absolutely right, and I'm very grateful to all the people I know who accepted me as trans and helped me with my transition. I'm just trying to help other people here with gender identity issues, not to gloat about how lucky I was. I apologize if anything I've said came off that way.

New thread
>>8465171
>>8465171
>>8465171