What is it like being trans?

I feel an overwhelming compulsion to ignore the 500 general trans boards and make a brand new thread for every single stray thought that enters my head.

>>8351723
Gender dysphoria occurs wherever and whenever you are reminded of or notice a gendered physical or social trait you have, and it feels like the sensation you get when you lose a tooth and feel the space with your tongue and it feels all huge and lumpy and distorted, crossed with the sinking feeling you get in your chest if you find out a close friend has betrayed you.

>>8351723
For some trans is like knowing you can never have a relationship, that you'll always be psychologically alone.

For others trans is like being socially oppressed, like knowing you'll never be accepted.

>>8351723
It's like being permanently sealed inside a rubber suit that looks like a movie monster, and everyone else thinks it's the real you for some reason.

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>>8351723
A suffocating panic every time I look at myself not buried in lots of clothing or with my hair out of my face

>>8351723
>Do you think you are the opposite sex or do you think you think you are the other.
Really makes you think.

>>8351818
did I fucking download a thumbnail

som1 help a nigga out

>>8351723
my brain has been significantly held back by this neurological issue. I would've wished to be without it, but have finally found forced self love. My stream of consciousness is always covered with glass shards of self hate. My brother raping me as a young child made me fall in love with him and want to be his woman. That thought was repressed so hard, it took 4 years(17-21) of coming to terms with who I was deciding finally that without a shadow of a doubt I was female. It ruined my university grades by giving me depression all my life until last month. Now with the correct hormones in my mind I could deal with the horrendous things in my life, like my clearly shrouded consciousness. I knew this was what having a mind was meant to feel like. The fact I can't have children now. I'm currently clearing the last of my despair and I know that after finally ignoring the ignorant who hate what they secretly lust.

Ofc I'm cute

>>8351827
>My brother raping me as a young child made me fall in love with him and want to be his woman.
This can happen?!

>>8351723
Hrm. Why not.

How do I feel as transgender? Shitty. Rather, its shitty knowing that you're literally broken for life, with virtually no possibility of repair outside of literal transhumanism. Once you accept that and move past it, its better than when I tried (very, very unsuccessfully) to pretend to be 'male'. That didn't last long (in terms of effort).

My dysphoria is something I refer to as 'bristly' (and there's a long story behind that so I won't waste time). When it hits (and it hits from nowhere usually), its a literal wave of nausea that hits like a moderately hard kick in the stomach. I have trouble breathing and until I mastered Asian-style breathing (also known as meditation breathing, singer breath, things like that) it would trigger panic attacks that could shut me down for a whole day. I realize I'm bristly, but my mind can't override the impulses that scream all my (mostly imagined) faults at me. It usually lasts about 6-8 hours then fades slowly, give or take.

Outside of bristlyness and the general existential fear that goes with 'Holy fuck I'm broke and need to do this but still, what will happen?!?', no, no depression problem for me.

Yes, I do. The seat of the soul, of gender, of thought, etc are all in the consciousness. The body can change, the consciousness does not. I know I have/had the body of a male, but that is a fault of a physical process (test wash) gone wrong, just like my nervous disorder was.

Nope, not qt because I'm past the Wall and would be unable to think of myself that way anyway. But I'm not hideous (outside of when I feel bristly) and I'm taken, so no major complaints.

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>>8351823

>>8351839
apparently, its fucked. He did it as a total power play, continues to try to manipulate me and hurt me in any way he can

>>8351723
>post the most triggering image ever.

It's a hell I never wake up from everyday my brain reminds that I'll never be cis. The secondary characteristics I have barely do anything to help me pass and at best I look like a man with tits growing up was a nightmare when due to my manly appearance everyone wanted me to be one of the guys when all I wanted was to be able to go to the beach without feeling horribly uncomfortable, got to parties without worrying what people are going to think about what I wear. Being able to wake up each morning comfortable in the body god gave me. Instead I'm a gross unpassing freak.

I pass but normal people still don't want to go out with me for being trans

And in all honesty I can't blame them

>>8351723
There a number of things that make me frustrated about being trans. Things such as lack of state funding for medical procedures, finding a partner, lack of access to fitness facilities, needing to restrict my activities based on how society views male to female transgender people, and a general lack of empathy from people in society for what I'm going through.

The lack of state funding is easily the most frustrating issue about being transgender. The majority of transgender people already have a difficult time finding a job, and they either end up being poor or being homeless. The latter of which is primarily driven by lack of acceptance of transgender people that don't pass as their target gender.

I have personally spent $70,000 on transitioning already…the majority of other male to female transgender people cannot afford this, I am extremely lucky. But at the same time this puts me very far behind my non-transgender peers when it comes to life goals like owning a home, owning a vehicle, having financial flexibility to do things I enjoy, and being able to travel more often. I realize that not everyone can do these things, but I`ve worked very hard to get to a decent paying job just to find out that I`m not better off than someone who didn`t pursue a highly technical career.

>>8352124
For those that can`t afford these outrageous costs, the only thing that`s left for them is continual discrimination and being forever relegated to a position where society won`t accept them because they don`t pass, and they`ll never pass because society won`t accept them enough to provide a proper job to them…it’s a circular problem. And I find it somewhat interesting, because there are people that I`ve seen interacting with transgender people that pass perfectly fine and they get along with them great. But you can see how uncomfortable they are when it comes to people that don`t pass, and these same people will say the state shouldn`t fund procedures for people who have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. It’s not like it’s our fault that we’re transgender…if the state can fund a triple bypass surgery for someone who makes the choice to eat poorly then how is it okay to deny funding to people who have no choice regarding the situation they’ve been born into?

When it comes to finding a partner, I don’t think it’s very surprising that not many people are interested in dating someone that is transgender. I have absolutely no problem in accepting that, people have every right to their own dating preferences. That being said, I often feel starved for affection while at the same time I’m crippled by anxiety to even attempt dating someone. I want to go for surgery but I’m worried that will make it less likely for me to find a partner because there are people specifically interested in transwomen. So I find myself in this thought process of “Not many people like transwomen, the ones that do like penis. I don’t like using mine, but if I get rid of it then why would someone ever choose me over someone born female?” And in turn, I end up relegating myself to not leaving my apartment because I don’t see the point in it. My own opinions of myself tend to be low all the time, even when people try to encourage me.

>>8352129
My third and fourth points kind of go hand in hand, and I don`t necessarily have lack of access to fitness facilities more of it`s my own level of comfortability accessing these facilities while still having male genitalia. I am completely uncomfortable with the idea of using either change room, not because I`m worried about what others will think, but because I don`t feel right potentially putting people in a situation where they would be uncomfortable. I`ve also been invited by someone to go learn a martial art with them, but I already know society doesn`t have a favorable view of male to female transgender people that participate in martial arts…so why would I put myself in a position to be ridiculed? At the same time, it’s something I would like to do with my friend but it’s not available to me because of society’s connotations with transgender people in sports.

My last point is more general and has to do with day to day life and the lack of empathy and sympathy that the general population seems to have for people in my position. I classify these as the “cherry on top” of things that make me cynical and depressed. Things that others may interpret as being minor, like getting misgendered, can be quite hurtful. Especially when the person knows better…it feels like I’m being afforded less respect than a dog. In addition to this, I feel like people are less inclined to provide me a job offer. I recently did an interview that I absolutely nailed, only to find out that someone fresh out of university got the job over me. That person, according to their LinkedIn account, didn’t even meet the essential criteria for the position. So it just promotes a sense of apathy to even putting in effort towards things I normally would have jumped at doing.

>>8352133
All of these things add together to make me feel cynical, depressed, frustrated, nihilistic, and trapped. I tend to hold my ability to solve problems in high regard, but I don’t even know where to start with the problems I’ve listed. Many of the issues I’ve mentioned are brought about by a non-transgender individual’s subjective experience and attitudes towards life. I can’t force people to change how they approach transgender issues, nor do I want to. I want people to look at these issues with more sympathy, but what am I supposed to do to convince them that it’s the right thing to do? I don’t even know where to begin…and that’s why I feel so hopeless.

>>8351733
this

im so sick of trans threads making up 95% of this board
the narcissism is unreal

>>8352026
>got to parties without worrying what people are going to think about what I wear.
Ironically, people would actually care more if you were a girl. People don't carte much about what guys wear.

>>8351723
I was going to answer you until the
>are you a qt?

>>8352129
A triple bypass surgery is a matter of life or death. if the state is going to fund your cosmetic surgery it will have to fund everyone's.

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>>8352026
>god

>>8352163
If a guy shows up in dress people flip their shit most times yet a girl can rock the tomboy look and most sane people don't care besides it's much more than clothes the fact that seeing my own body physically repulsed me watching it change from what I believed it was to something horrible and brutish and the fact that I will never be seen as my moms daughter and never grow up as a girl rather than a weird inbewteen boy thing that cried each an everyday because they are Broken and nothing could ever fix the desire to be a girl. But I'm not getting into oppression olympics the fact you said this shows you know nothing of the pain dysphoria causes.

>>8351901
Who'd you go to for ffs?

It's the own persons fault. They ate unhealthy. And I would argue the lack of societal acceptance of trans people leads to suicide. So the end result in both instances is the same. It's just the former is the persons own fault.

Imagine the most insecure girl you can fathom. Then make her have male features.

>>8352244
It's an image that's been circulating on the internet

the person decided to try for more, fucked up his face, and ended up suicide AFAIK

>>8352863
that's sad it it's true, p cute after surgery desu

>>8352872
I think 90% of people, including most cis females, would literally sell their soul to look like that

>>8352887
I agree, naturally pretty and adorable

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>>8351723
>that waist-hip ratio
>that fair skin

I'd ravage dat boipussy with my BWC.

Please tell me that person is a MtF and not just a crossdresser.

>>8352069
Why are you out if you pass?

>>8353240
sorry senpai its female

>>8351733
fpbp

>>8351723
It's fucking horrible. DON'T DO IT! It's a fucking pointless spiral into absolute wretchedness. It's way better to be borderline, at least that can be badass in various ways.

>>8351749
this describes me am i trans

>>8353439
has it gotten worse as you've aged?
how bad is it?
do you feel like you should do something about it?

>>8353447

i only really started thinking that I might be trans recently, maybe at age 16-ish (i'm 20) so its probably getting worse. I don't think i'd ever do anything about it cause of anxiety talking to doctors and stuff though

>>8353288
Who is it?

>>8351723
Well, for starters, the pic you posted makes me feel fucking awful.

the best analogy I can think of right off the top of my head, is that it feels like your controls are all fucked up, like youve got the wrong drivers or smth

>>8353455
It's better to now before the effects of being 20 hits you'll breakdown and be forced to see psychs before your 25 anyway

>>8353612
I don't know how to know if I am trans though

>>8353455
that sounds like you are trans, yeah
plenty of people don't start getting gender dysphoria until their mid-teens when the effects of puberty really start to sink in mentally
you can always get on bicalutamide to prevent further masculinisation while trying to figure things out for sure

>>8353779
I've been living under a nonbinary label for a while and I feel definitely more comfortable with it but it tends to start arguments do i don't make a big deal out of it...

as for hrt i'm pretty sure i finished puberty a couple of years ago so there's not much point until I wanna do it properly

>>8353779
I also don't wanna start fucking up my body until i'm completely sure, though, and i don't know how to know if i'm sure

>>8353957
if it's getting worse it's not going to get better until you do something about it

>>8353961
I dont know if its getting worse though. i've spent long enough trying not to think about it but i don't know what it's meant to feel like or how i'm supposed to know :s

is there some 50 page article i can read that will tell me somewhere thanks

>>8351723
It's what true despair feels like. Imagine having this need to be a girl burned into your brain and no matter what you do and how you look it's never good enough. Every single day you see other girls and envy them for something they were born with. Eventually these feelings take over your life and you can no longer function as a person and you either abuse every form of escapism trying your hardest to be normal, transition or kill yourself.

>>8353288
Is she? I've seen people posting her in some /v/ trap threads.

It doesn't matter if she is biological female or MtF, I just can't into twinks/femboys/crossdressers because I'm straight.

>>8353966
You're probably trans honestly. It will take you a long time to accept it and it will probably take even longer before you decide to actually transition. It took me until 20 to accept I was trans then it took me until I was 23 to actually transition. Normal people don't question there gender for years anon.

>>8353984
Yeah probably... :(

Where do I go from here, then? Straight to a doctor? come out first or wait until not summer? (someone said something about not transitioning in summer in a different thread)

>>8353966
I'm afraid a 50 page article isn't going to tell you if you're trans or not. At your age you should just know that you're trans and not need to be told. Another problem is that time is your enemy. The later you start HRT the less likely you are to be happy with the results. If the real issue is that you're afraid of HRT, then you need to overcome that fear and get started. If you're genuinely not sure about being trans, then maybe the best thing is to just read the threads here and see if you identify with those of us who are trans. If you can read about the experiences of trans people and say, "that's me, I need to do what they're doing," then you'll know. I hope you can get this sorted out soon because you really can't afford to wait too long to start HRT.

>>8353990
I think it's a good time to start HRT. The effects probably won't be too noticeable this summer, and you'll have a whole year of HRT before next summer hits.

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>>8351723
>guy dealing with dysphoria
>ask friend how to have blonde hair
>tfw cause they have more fun
>he says strip it 2 times
>get strippers and blond colors at walworld
>turns banana color, curls nicely though
>wear ball cap, curls shoulder length out the back, everyone notices.
>For the Win -femanaon friend comes over tells me someone saw me, wanted to know who the new girl is!!!

>>8354012
should i just buy them on the internet for now ?

>>8353990
It's fine to transition now. It depends on what you want to do really. If you have an informed consent clinic near you go there. If you want to self med that works too. If you just go to a random doctor it might take months but thats fine too if you're ok with it. As for coming out I don't know your family so I can't tell you to come out or not.

>>8354014
You could. It's not something I've done personally, but you should read the HRTgen thread, if you haven't already, and ask whatever questions you have there. If you're in the US you should try to find a nearby informed consent clinic so you can get a prescription without too much hassle.

>>8354003
How do you overcome that fear? I'm not them, but I accepted I'm trans and just can't seem to get over my fear.

>>8354023
>>8354024

i'm also in the uk so i dont know if anything is a lot different here

i came out as gay to my family a few years back and my brother came out as trans (then went back on it a week later) so i know they won't hate me for it,

i also haven't spoken to any doctors in about 10 years so i don't even know who i'd go to if i wanted to

>>8354029
I don't know how the UK works but look up if they have informed consent clinics. If they don't just go to a doctor and tell them your trans and want to transition. Can always self med as well. If you know for sure your parents will accept you then by all means come out.

>>8354029
in the uk you can buy hormone therapy with a debit card at qhi.co.uk, it's totally legit and about a quarter of trans people in the UK do it that way

if you're still unsure then buy the testosterone blocker bicalutamide and take 50mg a day, that one usually preserves fertility etc. unlike the other blockers used for standard MtF transition and can be taken on its own for a good while without adverse effects- that way, you can take longer to make your mind up for sure without getting more masculine in the meantime

>>8354034
i'm sure theyd accept me but i dont really have any form of support network.. i left my university lgbt community/group/thing because it was tumblr irl

>>8354041
is buying stuff online like that legal/does the packaging show anything

>>8354034
they don't have informed consent clinics here in the UK and the official trans healthcare system is totally fucked, a quarter of trans people here self-med and they're the not-hons
deffo it's good to go the official way eventually but in the UK self-medding from qhi is standard practice

I'm >>8354041

>>8354045
the package will rattle if you shake it hard but there is no external label or marker suggesting it contains pills or has anything to do with trans stuff, it comes in a thick plain white bubble-wrap envelope

>>8354046
ok thanks for the heads up (its me
>>8354029
>>8354014
>>8353990
>>8353966

)

>>8354048
thats fine i order a lot of random stuff from the internet already so probably wont be suspicious as long as the packaging isnt gonna say anything

>>8354045
and technically it's a legal grey area but as long as you buy <6 months worth of pills at a time customs is fine with it 'cause they know from experience it's only for personal use
testosterone blockers and estrogen don't have the abuse potential that importing something like steroids (for FtM use) do

>>8354052
> If you are a new customer, your order will be processed once your Indemnity & Disclaimer forms have been received.

what does this mean

>>8354027
>How do you overcome that fear?
It can be hard. I transitioned back in the previous century, when it was harder to get help. I was in college and I got to the point where I was failing classes and unable to function or see any future unless I transitioned. My life falling apart got me over my fear. It would be better to start before your life deteriorates into a total mess.

I guess you just need to keep telling yourself that since you're trans, that HRT and transition are inevitable, and that you need to get moving because waiting will only makes things worse. Maybe you could scare yourself by thinking about how the longer you wait the more likely you are to be unpassable. Don't be all negative though. Think about all the good things that can happen when you transition. Maybe a mix of fear for what will happen if you don't do anything, and optimism about the good things that will happen once you do start HRT and transition is the best way to get over your fear.

>>8354063
there's a waiver form you have to print off and sign and email back to them- but they're pretty lax, so if you don't have a scanner send them a high-quality phone photo of the signed form and they usually accept that
it's just your standard covering-their-asses form, one or two pages long, signature and date
like I said, literally thousands of people in the UK have used the site for 20 years and dozens of them are on this board, including myself, so there's really nothing to worry about

>>8354027
it's like ripping off a band-aid, you've just got to do it without thinking and then once you start it's a lot easier to just continue

>>8354069
ok thanks, i was just wondering if they'd expect me to post a physical form to them, im not sure i'd be able to do that so easily

thanks for the help i'll order the thing

guess i'm trans now :d

>>8354045
>i dont really have any form of support network.. i left my university lgbt community/group/thing because it was tumblr irl
I didn't particularly like my local support group/lgbt scene so I didn't use it to much. However, I did have a couple trans friends I could get along with who helped, and I had some decent therapists who helped me too. If there was anyone in the LGBT groups that you got along with OK, maybe you could get in touch with them individually and stay away from the group stuff.

>>8354075
no problem
if you ever feel like graduating from T-blockers to full hormone therapy check out /HRTgen/ which is a regular thread the board has explaining the ins and outs of HRT, dosages, pros and cons etc.

>>8354081
there weren't really any trans people, it was mostly faggots rambling about how much they love dick.

there were 2 trans people but one is completely fucking insane and the other is helping the insane person so i'd rather not get involved

>>8354108
T isn't really a good fit with LGB because we have a lot of different issues.

It's too bad you can't find a T person who's saner. I would have liked to have had an older T friend who had been comfortably transitioned for years and was past most of the craziness to help and give me advice, but I never knew such a person. At least the T friends I had weren't too crazy, but we ended up losing touch after getting farther along in our transitions.

I guess you're stuck with 4chan for now!

>>8353240
What difference does it make to you whether they "identify as" a woman?

>>8354142
or i could just not transition
i'd be unhappy either way (as male/unconvincing female)

>>8354148
You could just start HRT and see how things go. I don't know how concerned you are with fertility issues, but if you don't care then I don't see any reason not to try HRT out and see if it helps.

>>8354171
$$$ though (and i'm not really sure what changes to expect that might help desu)

>>8354148
>>8354171
>>8354180
Just
starting antiandrogens eases the dysphoria more than you'd believe

If it weren't for the PC culture that says
>it's not a mental illness to be cured,
>it's a physical deformity to be accommodated (and possibly cured)
then seriously, I believe that antiandrogens would be known as, straight-up, THE. CURE.

>>8354194
but what do they do

>>8354221
they block or remove testosterone from your body
and give you better skin and less of a body odor
also your muscles will eventually shrink

>>8354180
>$$$ though
Unfortunately being trans isn't cheap, nor is being a woman for that matter if you want to keep your appearance up. Spending money is unavoidable.

> (and i'm not really sure what changes to expect that might help desu)
With the physical changes, would you feel better about yourself looking more female? Do you want breasts? Do you want to avoid further masculinization? It's hard to know what HRT will do for any individual, and the older you are the less effective it is, but you have to decide if the physical changes will help you feel better about yourself. If you don't care about being more feminine, but just avoiding masculinization, then maybe starting with test blockers would work, though that's probably not a good idea long term.

Mental changes are more controversial but if HRT is right for you at the very least you should start feeling better about your life and your future. That's not to say it will on its own make you happy and cure you of your troubles, and that you won't still have bad days, but at the very least you should have more hope and a feeling that you're moving in the right direction.

>>8354221
They make you more physically feminine
and less mentally panic

>>8354228
>>8354291
i think this is probably why someone said don't start transitioning in the summer, itd be hard to hide without wearing baggy clothing (which is uncomfortable in heat)

still i guess i like the idea of the rest of it thanks

ok I've spent a few hours (12?) thinking it over and im more sure than i ever have been that i'm trans...

where do i go from here? start hrt i suppose but i'm not sure if going to a doctor will be worth my time (uk) or if theres anything else i should know about

pls help me 4chan :(

>>8355184
I've thought about it for 3 years and I'm still too afraid to take the next steps :/

>>8355184
>>8355189
Order bicalutamide and estradiol off of alldaychemist, inhousepharmacy, or QHI

Take 1 pill of each per day, lay off the estrogen occasionally

That is a very good start

>>8355205
cant fucking afford this shit fampai

>>8355184
Uk has horrendous wait times in our gender identity clinics, the only play you can get a hey prescription, self med while at waiting for a place in a GIC

>>8355270
You're going to have to find a way to pay - when you're trans you have to prioritize paying for trans stuff like HRT - or else take your chances with the NHS. I'm in the US, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but from what I've read NHS gatekeeping can be a problem. If you are self-medding when you go to see a doctor, that should go a long way towards proving you are serious and should help you get a proper prescription with less hassle.

>>8355334
>>8355343
i think maybe if i tell my parents all this they might help a bit with the money but i want to be more sure that im trans before i start telling other people

>>8355350
>but i want to be more sure that im trans
How many cis people do you think go to /lgbt/ and sit here all day asking trans related questions? Oh and don't for get this
>ok I've spent a few hours (12?) thinking it over and im more sure than i ever have been that i'm trans...

>>8355350
If you're going be relying on your parents you might as well try to get an appointment at a gender clinic. If you're going to be stuck on a waiting list you might as well get on the list now, and work on getting some money and figuring out how and when to tell your parents while you wait.

>>8355361
yeah but im fucking retarded and cant make my mind up (or i'm vaguely hoping i'm normal, not sure yet)

>>8355366
If you weren't trans then you would've asked for help from some Christian forum, or something that side of the debate, you came to /tttt/ to find answers about you being trans. You've already made up your mind. I get being apprehensive just be careful you don't self delude yourself (which the human mind is fucking incredible at doing) and put it off for too long, the earlier you get on titty tablets the better your gonna look.

>>8355366
>(or i'm vaguely hoping i'm normal, not sure yet)
You sound like you're way beyond normal already. Gender dysphoria doesn't get better over time, it gets worse. You don't want to be 30 years old and ready to kill yourself because you didn't start HRT when you were younger. Taking the first step is the hardest but it gets better.

>>8351723
like a slow drip of mental pain, and anyone at any time can unknowingly do things or say things near you that flush your body with nausea, sinking and turmoil. It just makes me want to scream because I don't know what else to do and I'm backed into a corner.

>>8355405
i already want to kill myself but
>>8355399
ok you guys have convinced me i'll place an order for bicalutamide tonight/tomorrow

thanks for the help <3

>>8355421
Good luck girl, I'm sure you'll look cute. X

>>8355427
ill look like shit haha but i'll keep this board updated under this name

>>8355421
Glad to be of help. Keep your courage up and come back to 4chan if you need help and encouragement (it's a bit weird typing that). Not everyone here is helpful but as you've seen today many of us are. Best wishes.

>>8355454
any idea what to do after starting HRT? seems like the best advice is go to a doctor and bug them instead of 4chan

>>8355519
I'm the anon who said you might as well check in with a gender clinic right now so you can get on the waiting list to see a doctor as soon as you can. At least if you're self-medding that should help you get past the gatekeeping. You can use 4chan if you need encouragement, but use your judgment about which threads to read since some of them might make you feel worse. If you start a new thread asking for help that would probably work best.

>>8355558
there arent a lot of gender clinics in the uk though, and i dont know how long the wait list would be :( i already have long hair though so i got that going for me

>>8355589
Nottingham, one of seven in the UK, has a waiting time of 24 months.

>>8355597
:( i dont have a job though how do i afford this for 24 months

>>8355519
Get blood tests
Get a friend who you can confide in
Look in the mirror regularly

>>8355610
my friends are all shit and everyone hates me though :( i wont bother asking for advice on making friends but idk i feel like that isnt an option

i do have a mirror though

>>8355606
American here, ordering from alldaychemist

I just paid $364.20 for 180 days (~6 months!) of bicalutamide, and 60 raloxifene pills and 84 estradiol pills for experimenting with.

After factoring in the money order fees ($1.20) and the postage to send in the money order ($1.15), which comes out to about $367,
that's still only $2/day

other places are even cheaper, I've heard. Plus, Bicalutamide is the "premium" choice, the other classic option is Spironolactone which is much cheaper but makes you have to pee a lot and can be hard on your liver

(There's also cyproterone acetate, which works by chemically castrating you—not for the faint of heart, but it's also somewhat cheap)

>>8355647
i dont drink so my liver is fine but if its cheaper it might be worth it thanks for the heads up

is there anywhere i can read about the advantages of each in more detail?

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>>8351723

>>8355704
The third one is wrong, cis people don't feel the way about their assigned sex that trans people do about their transitioned one.

>>8355519
ask your GP for a referral but don't tell them you're self-medding until you've been doing it for 6+ months
after that they're no longer obligated by care standards to try and frighten you off taking the pills

>>8355670
search for the /HRTgen/ thread in the board catalog
they have info on the pros and cons of all the different pills and how they all work etc.

>>8355795
where did you hear i have to wait 6+ months? maybe if i read over that stuff i can find other useful stuff i should know
>>8355802
ill look into it thanks, i found a post on reddit that said bicalutamide is a lot better so i'm leaning that way. If i do this i wanna do it right

>>8355814
just noticed i havent eaten today i should get food its 9:50pm

be back soon <3

>>8355670
>Bica: expensive
>Spiro: make U pee / hard on liver
>Cypro: castrate U
is preeetty much the tl;dr of the situation

>>8355831
heh i'll sell my csgo skins and go expensive

>>8355831
I'd i seriously don't give a fuck what happens to my balls, other than the fact I need to keep my ballsack to get it turned into a pussy, is bica better or is cypro better

>>8355837
>>8355865
do i still count as trans if the idea of having a vagina doesnt appeal to me too much (especially some of the fucked up ones ive seen trans people have on the internet)

>>8351723

Anybody got a source on this pic?

Pls I've been looking for so long

>>8355873
I also don't like the idea of having a gross fake vagina, but it's more the hatred of my dick that means that I'm gonna get SRS when I can afford it

>>8355873
yes
many are the same

>>8355873
You'll never count as a woman, but you can still be a tranny. Lots of trannies keep their dicks and get railed in the ass like fucking faggots.

>>8351723
Imagine looking at this pic amd wanting to kill yourself

>>8355865
If you are full tranny like that, then Cypro is the way2go

>>8355923
eh i dont hate my penis in any sense, i'd be fine (possibly even happy) keeping it...
>>8356466
i already get railed in the ass like a faggot what's your point

>>8356748
Can you still get hard on cypro? I'm used to masturbating and have become addicted to cumming. Butt stuff is hard and I have a hard time with it mentally. It's best to say I'm having a hard time with a lot. Looking at an orchi in my future. I feel bad as a tran that jerks off so much, or at all. I do it to relieve the physical lust that plagues me and to have the only meaningful physical relationship I will ever have, so it has a temporary emotional benefit too. I would love to be less horny, but softdick and dildoes makes me feel bad.
T. Disgusting Transbian

>>8357017
I think you can still do so, at least via taking progesterone

>>8356965
ok I placed an order on qhi, i'll email them the form later today :d
yaay im doing ok now

>>8358432
That's wonderful! I'm glad you're already feeling better.

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Subjectively, about myself, I feel defective. Like I shouldn't have been allowed to be born. I wish my parents had aborted me so that they could have a normal child. That said, I'm ironically the most successful person in my immediate family thus far, although the bar is hyper low. And my sister has violent schizophrenia and is now a homeless person so it could be worse I suppose.

As for how the actual phenomena of dysphoria feels, I usually just see myself in the mirror and think either "Yeah you cand do it!" or "give up you pathetic fag." Seeing myself without clothing exhausts me. Shaving exhausts me. Having to try to be manly exhausts me. But every time I go girl mode it always goes the same way. I see myself amd initially think that I can pass. But I slowly pick apart everything that I hate about myself. And by the time it's over I just want to cry again.

>>8358500
i'm hoping i'll be happy enough with the results here that i wont have to bother with surgery and whatever other things, but now i'm worried about how i might tell other people (or what if i tell other people then change my mind -- it's happened to other people I'm sure)

anyway i'm not expecting any easy answers to this so I figure i'm in the "just do it and see what happens" area now

>>8358866
dis me 2 pham

Pulling the trigger on the order has been the biggest relief of my life

>>8358906
i still gotta send that form out to them but it says "email it to us" without an address to send it to?

>>8358943
Check at the bitten of the sheet, it does. I presume your doing qhi

>>8358973
yeah qhi, theyre the one everyone here recommended

i might not start actually taking them until i've told more people though (they wouldnt be a great support network but it'd save me some stress down the road)

>>8358989
There's a pretty long delay between when you start to take them and when there's noticeable change. ~2months seems to be where changes start happening for people.

>tfw nobody to spoonfeed you and tell you to transition while you were young
Feels bad man

>>8359029
completely unrelated but do you know any good resources i could use to work on my voice? I found this video which looks promising but possibly won't work long term so well

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NE4DjgNhOMs

>>8359041
There a good refit post linked in /mtfg/ I believe.
If you want videos there is also this too.
https://youtu.be/CbTtASux7ys?list=PLC5375389210FC490

>>8359069
*reddit

>>8359041
this will probably work in the long term
the guy in the video doesn't really describe how he is doing it though

this should explain it:
http://lena.kiev.ua/voice/

here are some youtubers who use the same method:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAOfNTs5v-E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yP0PxwaEy0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6ro2R3esHA
(last one is the best one imo)

>>8359166
thanks, this is awesome :3

i just got back from the library where i printed out the form to send to qhi so i'll send that off now, do you know how long it might take to get my order (uk)

>>8359255
I got mine in 3 days but it says up to 2 weeks on qhi

>>8359288
im having it sent to my parents place because im moving soon and i don't wanna be in the wrong place when it arrives :d

they've never opened my post before so here's hoping they don't start now

how do i work on the voice without making everyone near me suspicious pls to halp internet

>>8359255
about a week and a half after they ship it, and it takes 3-5 days to ship

>>8359294
Basically you're going to have to find a way/place to be alone

and record yourself, that's very very important. Recordings are generally a lot more honest than trying to listen to yourself speak real-time

>>8359305
>>8359302
is there anything else i should know about transitioning that i havent covered already? or should i just work it out as i go along

>>8359357
just work it out as you go along

Here (and in society at large), everything is a clusterfuck. "If you take hormones, you must be trans!" "You're AGP!" "You're a transtrender!" "Why don't you just identify as nonbinary?" "You're not a TRUE <insert label here>"

if the side effects of the thing you're taking outweigh its benefits, try something else until you find the right combination so you can live your live to the fullest. (Even if what you're taking now is working fine, experiment every now and then! e.g., try Progesterone, perhaps you'll like having a sex drive now that your dysphoria is at bay.)

Whenever I look in the mirror I get sad
I don't like being a dude even though my body obviously would want to be that, great beard genetics and all.

My gf keeps saying that with a personality like mine, i should've been a girl and stuff

I hate living like this

>>8359503
i dont really feel like i have dysphoria though (to any huge extent at least), like ill feel shitty sometimes but i usually feel shitty anyway so i dont feel much worse :3

>>8351723
Who is this cute girl (male)?

>>8359590
>My gf keeps saying that with a personality like mine, i should've been a girl and stuff
What about your personality does she say that for? She likes dating you despite you being so female?

>>8351733
Fuck off, this is /tttt/.

>>8351839
it's a survival mode kicking in to preserve your life and genes. See Stockholm Syndrome.
>Generally speaking, Stockholm syndrome consists of "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other."

>>8361093
>preserving genes
>becoming a tranny

Choose one and only one.

>>8352182
While a person who has a triple bypass will survive, they might not be able to work again. On the other hand if a transsexual gets face altering and body altering surgeries so they pass, that means they now can blend in and get a good job and become a taxpayer.

>>8351723
Who is that qt?

>>8361187
That's moap

>>8361190
A soap?

>>8361192
No, not soap. Easy mistake

>>8361199
what's this about soup?

>>8351760
this so muchthiss

>>8355189
If you are sure you are trans then figure out the doctor shit and get on it.

This feeling of sadness doesn't really ever go away for most people so you have nothing to lose lol

I feel as though I cannot love anyone until I transition. I do not want to pursue a gay relationship because he'll only want me for my masculine features like my dick. I want to transition so someone can love me for my femininity, and it feels like I need to transition to gain this personal validation.

Anyone else feel the same??

>>8362367
alternatively you could just date someone bi who wouldn't give a shit in the first place

>b-b-but muh biscum cheaters proving that you've fallen for greentext stories and 4chan memes and are thus doomed to being alone in the first place anyway

>>8362230
Is this the soup store?

>>8351723
HOLY FUCK I CAME HERE JUST TO ASK WHO IS SHE
WHATS HER NAME

For me it has felt like hopelesness through most of my life. At some point I just didn't want to look myself at the mirror or think at all about my gender, it was pointless since I knew I couldn't go to my parents to talk about it because I never trusted the fuckers (my mom scared the shit out of me since she used to beat my bros really hard, and my dad was emotionally distant and psychologically abusive). I couldn't do it in secrecy either because if my mom found out she would beat the shit out of me, and back in the day I thought she might throw me out of the house or worse, so I felt really scared. I grown up with really low self-steem, so I can of dont know how to take care of myself or make myself happy, I really lost my sense of self completely and feel like I have a lot of catching up to do, but it's better than how I felt before. Hormones have helped a lot, and doing small things for my appearance too.
Being rised by a narcisisstic asshole was really detrimental to my self-steem, but I wont let her win, I will keep caring about myself until I die or she stops being a cunt. If I have to destroy her I will do it.

>>8351723
>How do you feel as a transgender.
It sucks really bad, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. This is my personal experience, not very representative I think honestly. So I'm deep in the closet and it basically feels like I'm locked in my body, unable to live my life. It's really depressing, I can't stop telling myself I'll never pass and my life is over before it even started. Also I can't stop questionning wheter I'm really trans or not, I'm constantly trying to put a gender on what I do, and I keep digging deeper on /d/ and this kind of stuff for repression purposes.

>Can you describe difficulties dealing with dysphoria(what dose it feel like?)
It's even worse, fuck dysphoria, everytime anything, and by anything I mean anything, makes me realize I'm still perceived as male, just being he'd or even just anonymous guys trying to make friends with me or anonymous girls getting uneasy when I talk to them (fortunately I have friends) or avoiding me, I feel like I'm fucking dying a bit more.

>Is depression a problem?
It is, I can't hang myself before I even tried, and it makes everyday life a nightmare, as if dysphoria wasn't enough, fuck this.

>Do you think you are truly the opposite sex or do you think you are the sex you were born with but think you are the other.
I actually think I was before I got into anime and shit, now I'm just confused and don't really know, but I do want to be a girl. This is something very individual though.

>are you a qt?
Hell no, and probably won't ever be.

>>8362915
Here is a good blog on trauma recovery.
https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

ok i came out to some of my friends

no one hates me yet :D

>>8362807
Someone answer this person

I'm AGO / Trans / I don't fucking know anymore. I experience pretty physical dysphoria, feels like my skin is crawling most of the time. My social dysphoria isn't so bad except for random trigger.

I have no interest in transitioning for social reasons and I'll probably be HON. I'm just using good strains of weed to help manage the dysphoria and high strength viagra to fuck pussy when the opportunity arises. This combo is working ridiculous well for me so far, but I accept I'll probably have a breakdown and die in a few years time.

>>8368099
What's the random trigger?

For me my gender dysphoria came from how my mom treated me growing up that and I have girly hips, a girly ass and it looks like I have gynochomastia.
Also
The way I've felt since I was maybe 9 years old is I always wanted to be a girl I wish and wish that I could wake up in the morning as a girl but when I'd talk about that I'd get called a fag or a retard or my dad would beat me. Then once I hit 8th grade I started exploring my sexuality and I found at times that I'd rather be a girl or that girls weren't as attractive to me as I had once thought. I talked to a therapist about that and they said it was just a phase so I repressed that for awhile. Then towards the end of 10th grade I started cross dressing and I started to notice that I felt more comfortable in women's clothing than men's clothing. That went on until about the summer before I turned 19 then I joined the military to try and run away from how I felt and it only confirmed that I wasn't exactly straight, and then I started thinking more girly thoughts everyday and well here I am, a few months from 20 and I feel depressed

>>8367670
>no one hates me yet :D
Great! Having support will make things a lot easier.

>>8368135
I'm also super pre op. Like I just came to my parents yesterday.

>>8368135
How did she treat you?

>Then towards the end of 10th grade I started cross dressing and I started to notice that I felt more comfortable in women's clothing than men's clothing.
What situations did you crossdress in?

>>8368102

Just bizzare stuff. Like if I see a group of teenage girls sat in the circle park I'll suddenly become extremely sad that I never had that life. Luckily this kind of shit doesn't hit me too ofte.

>>8368140
Eh I wouldn't say that I have support, no one knows how to help or anything... Still, i'll see how it goes

BTW does anyone know if QHI send an email when they receive the first order form? or do i just wait for the order

>>8368145
Just normal teenage girl situations.

Miniskirts thigh highs
Thot clothes as they've been labeled
And my mother never treated me like a boy and that's due to her giving my sister up for adoption

>>8368159
You'd dress up in private when you got time at home to yourself?

>Just normal teenage girl situations.
What do you mean?

>And my mother never treated me like a boy and that's due to her giving my sister up for adoption
What's the story here? When did you realize the way she treated you was different?

>>8368174
Around the end of 8th grade.

And yea when I was home alone.

And Idk I didn't understand the situation question very well

>>8368200
You said your mother never treated you like a boy. How so?

>>8368219
I just realized I didn't really reply in order. So all my replies are back asswards

>>8368236
Oh right!

What was it like growing up being treated like a girl?

What changed after she knew you'd realized?

>>8368263
She stopped, it left me confused and embarrassed so I pursued therapy and they didn't understand.

>>8368388
How did you discover she did it because your sister had been adopted?

>>8368431
It was something a girl I was friends with pointed out to me.

>>8368590
What did you mother say when you confronted her about all this?

>>8368610
She started off with saying she was embarrassed for treating me like that but it's because she always wanted a daughter and gave up the only one she wanted. Me being socially awkward, my mother took advantage of that.

>>8368142
Congrats!! I'm sure that must have been really difficult for you, considering everything you've been through.

If you're depressed and you just came out to your parents, just go for it, you know? If you look girly and like to wear women's clothes, just do it.

Find out what makeup colors look good with your skin tone, and start with just a bit of lipstick in that color.

Try an A-line skirt that hits your knees.

I recommend getting inserts and finding a bra that fits them. You can easily get cheap bras at Walmart and Target. Find one on the sale rack and just keep going until you find one that fits the inserts. Maybe try a crop top once you find a good bra.

>>8368866
Hopefully gonna start HRT via informed consent. If you wanna talk more here my email and kik
@ [email protected]
And my kik is broham808

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>>8351723
>not good
>nothing changes even when it does
>yes
>no. i just know that i'm less depressed with this option, so fuck it.
>no. far from it.
p much everything sucks and even when measurements and ratios are good, i stil look manly in the mirror.

>>8368737
What did she have you wear when she was treating you as a girl?

How else was her treatment not normal for a boy?

>>8370811
Mostly pink and or purple girly clothes. A lot for kids thought I was a girl.

Wasn't allowedd to cut my hair. She wouldn't buy me boy underwear

>>8370844
Girly or actual girl clothes?

>>8370848
Did you ask for those things?

>>8352887
she had/has a lot of self loathing. oh well.

>>8370863
Girly looking clothes.

And no I always asked for guy clothes

>>8370878
How do you feel about your identity now?

>>8370896
I feel and think more femininely more now than ever. The dysphoria got worse around the time I turned 16, and since then it's just spiraled.

>>8370896
Like I just want to transition and feel better and more comfortable in my own skin.

>>8370920
What's your sexuality like?

Who are you attracted to?

>>8356748
I feel like cypro is a meme. I is illegal in North America anyway.I am on spiro and doing ok but the insidious thought that cypro could give better results will forever haunt me.

>>8370927
I'm pretty gay for someone who's bi

>>8370965
What AGP fantasies do you have?

>>8370994
Idk. Just getting fucked I guess

>>8351723
Mostly, for me anyway, it's forgetting what I look like all the time until I look in a mirror. When I look in the mirror I usually feel like I'm either looking at a stranger or some ugly, freakish weirdo. Some of the more masculine traits of my body (torso size/width, body hair, facial hair, etc.) disgust me. Whenever I see someone and think, "damn I wish I looked like that person," it's always a woman. One time, I was driving home from class and saw a girl waiting for the bus to come. She wasn't super attractive but had a sorta cute, nerdy look, and I started crying just because I felt like that's more how I should look. That sorta thing has happened a couple times.

>>8370934
It's not really "illegal". As in, it's not explicitly banned or anything; it's just not approved by the FDA (for incidental reasons, not because of its safety or efficacy; it's approved, like, everywhere else). There are people close to the Canadian border who've gotten their doctors to give them prescriptions to be fulfilled at pharmacies in Canada.

You could always self-medicate.

What makes you say it's a meme? It's not the miracle drug that people sometimes make it out to be, but it definitely destroys your testosterone levels and atrophies your testicles, so there's no question about its efficacy. This is a drug they give to prostate cancer patients, who need to have as little testosterone as possible.

came out to my mum

so far no one hates me

its going well :d

>>8351723
Imagine being ripped to shreds by razorblades, sitched into a puppet's body and then handed the strings.

Now repress all of that.

>>8354646
It's actually easier to start in summer. Boobs take probably 6 months to really be noticeable, so by that time you can wear heavy stuff to hide and be half a year closer to passing by the next summer.

>>8371703
I have a friend who is also trans and tried cypro and it basically drove her to near suicide. I don't want that to be me. She had been on spiro before but said that the deep suicidal depression was a direct bi product of cypro. I am pretty close to gettting srs, Once that happens I won't need an anti androgen so it will be a moot point.

>Can you describe difficulties dealing with dysphoria(what dose it feel like?)

i'm not me and i don't see me when i look in the mirror
i got over it really early

>Is depression a problem?

not for me, but with most of my friends yes

>Do you think you are truly the opposite sex or do you think you are the sex you were born with but think you are the other.

i don't really care, i am who i am and i don't question it.

>are you a qt?

yep.

>>8375976
that actually makes me feel better thanks <3

>>8354143
I think it's a psychological thing, if the person looks like a female, but identifies as male, my dick doesn't get hard. Also, I don't know how to explain, but to me, passable trannies have far more feminine/delicate manners and behavior than twinks/femboys,

Trannies can sometimes pull off either the "shy girl" or "girly girl" outward appearance very well (mostly the first, though), twinks/femboys trying to act cute appear more like "flamboyant fuccbois" by comparison.

>>8375798
>its going well :d
This is really great! Are you still working on telling your father?

I think you said you only ordered bica. If you're out to people, are you going to order estradiol too? I agree with those who say now is a good time to start.

>>8376454
> Are you still working on telling your father?
i'll get to it, he doesn't live here though so it's not super high priority (he has a job in nyc)

>I think you said you only ordered bica.
ye

> are you going to order estradiol too?
maybe, wanna talk to a doctor first though, if it sounds like it'll take months to get anything then maybe i'll order my own

still not sure how i'm gonna get people i know on board with HRT (i could just lie and say its prescribed)

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>>8351723
Why does that pic remind me so much of pic related?

>Can you describe difficulties dealing with dysphoria (what does it feel like?)
Denial
Despair
Depression
Devoid

Is depression a problem?
Yes, it always has been since around 9 years old

Do you think you are truly the opposite sex or do you think you are the sex you were born with but think you are the other.
I wish, maybe it would have made coming out easier. I've always doubted myself in everything I do and this was huge. I told my parents and they took my pills away.
Now I'm never going to tell them shit.

are you a qt?
Totes

I've been staring at this spider the whole time writing this and I need to kill it
Fuck summer

>>8376465
>still not sure how i'm gonna get people i know on board with HRT (i could just lie and say its prescribed)

Wouldn't they expect you to be on HRT at some point if they know you're trans? Or is it just that you don't want them to know you're self-medding?

>>8381413
The self mending part. My parents don't seem to have any idea how this works (obviously, they've never had any reason to) so I don't know how to convince them it isn't dangerous

They've said things like I don't know what dosage I need or that I can't do my own blood tests, but eh neither do the other people doing this and they're fine

>>8381792
>They've said things like I don't know what dosage I need or that I can't do my own blood tests, but eh neither do the other people doing this and they're fine.

Maybe if you got your own blood test done by medichecks.com you could show that to your parents and that would reassure them that you can watch your health. If you can show them research on normal doses, and show that you're working on getting an appointment with a doctor, that could help, as long as they understand that you can't afford to wait to get a prescription.

>>8351723
well for one my jaw makes me want to kill myself. plastic surgery is too expensive and ongoing

>>8381895
i was offered the monies to pay the first meeting (if it'd help wait times) but i figure I should talk to a doctor first to know how this all works

>>8382728
Would a private doctor be an option? That would be kind of expensive though.

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>>8351723
>How do you feel as a transgender.
Alright, lets go from mtf perspective. You can apply same logic towards ftms afterwards.

>Can you describe difficulties dealing with dysphoria(what dose it feel like?)
Lets start with just understanding how people work.
When you're a kid, growing up, you'll compare yourself to others, unless you're retarded, you'll see the sex differences.

So, naturally, as a girl matures, she'll want to be pretty, like the other girls, and she'll compare herself to girls. Why? Because she identifies as a girl, simply by comparing herself to other girls, by doing that she "declares" that she "feels" like a girl, and "identifies" as a girl.

For an mtf, they'll run into a lot of problem here.
They'll still see girls, compare themselves to other girls, and want to be pretty like the other girls. However, at some point, they will notice that they are not like other girls, this usually happens very early, by the discovery of penis, or by parents/siblings/relatives/strangers.
Despite knowing what their physical body is, they still have the identity, they will still have the wish to be female. This is natural, primal part of your neurology, it won't change, this is the part that helps animals in attracting partners and mating.

As time goes, they'll grow further and further away from what they feel like they should look like, you'll not be conforming to what your neurology tells you to, causing despair. Usually some form of disassociation will occur, to block the mental despair.

>Is depression a problem?
Of course, depression will naturally develop, usually into a pretty severe case.

>Do you think you are truly the opposite sex or do you think you are the sex you were born with but think you are the other.
What?
Of course you're aware of the different sexes... And you'll be aware of the differences between cis female, and yourself.
It'll be up how good support you have, and how well you pass, to how you can accept your sex status.

>>8352182
In both cases will die without surgery, both of them are a matter of life and death.

If you have to choice between on or the other, paying for the trans person is the much better economical choice.
Those who get bypass are usually really old, and have devastated their bodies... So, yeah, they should probably have thought about that earlier (ofc there are those born with heart abnormalities).

>>8383303
I don't know if there are any private doctors in the UK :d

>>8383434
not the guy.

You're just more likely to kill yourself post op. If anything therapy and antidepressants are the best way to go about it. So no point in burdening the tax payer.

>>8384905
There are quite a few. http://www.privatehealth.co.uk/ has general information. Most private gender doctors are in and near London as you would expect.
Dr. Helen Webberley https://gendergp.co.uk/ runs an unorthodox practice and might be worth looking into.

>>8385081
>Citation needed.

>>8352161
>narcissism is unreal
thats why theyre transgender, so people will pay attention to them more

>>8385081
>You're just more likely to kill yourself post op
Cite. Do you mean more likely than the general population or more likely than before surgery? Do you even know what you're talking about?

dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.sexol.2006.04.002
showed a drop in attempt rates after SRS.

>If anything therapy and antidepressants are the best way to go about it.

Cite. Antidepressants are for depression not gender dysphoria.

>>8353522
>faggots always being this sensitive
and you wonder why we all call you attention fags. grow up and get an identity of your own

>>8386036
eh my bigger problem at the moment is getting over the anxiety of practicing my voice where other people can hear me

>>8386136
Could you sneak in some practice when you're alone? Or have some excuse like making an audio diary?

>>8386213
It's not about hiding the reason from anyone, they already know why. just general anxiety around practicing a skill near people when i'm not good at it yet

>>8386656
I know you told your parents recently, how did you tell them?

>>8386656
>just general anxiety around practicing a skill near people when i'm not good at it yet
I understand and felt the same way. I just worked on my voice when I was alone.

>>8386762
Problem is i'm not gonna have a lot of time alone. My family are lazy fucks and never leave the house so my best bet is probably to wait until they're all downstairs and practice behind the sound of the shower
>>8386712
only told my mum but literally just the world "i'm transgender", she seems supportive anyways

>>8387132
words*

>>8386087
>>8386052
>http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0016885 (study)

>https://www.theguardian.com/society/2004/jul/30/health.mentalhealth (Article based on study if you don't like reading)

Well sure, some transsexuals will be cured of gender dysphoria but won't be cured of the suicide rate which increases post op. Keeping these people alive despite their disorder is the goal, right? So why would indulging the problem help them? You don't tell a schizophrenic the voices are real.

>>8387177
>http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0016885

This Swedish study again that is constantly misinterpreted. It does not say that suicide rates increase post op. It says that rates and attempt rates stay higher than the non-trans population. This was not significant for the later 1989-2003 period. The slope of the mortality curves changed after 10 years, but the authors think that improved health care in the 1990s and better acceptance might explain this.

More important, this study does not compare those who had SRS with those who hadn't, so it says nothing about whether SRS makes a difference.

The Guardian article is almost 13 years old, and only says that research was inconclusive. The headline says "not effective" but the article itself starts off saying "there is no conclusive evidence." The article spends a lot of time talking about the limitations of existing research. Another thing, the article was about SRS and not about HRT and transitioning in general.

Improved health care and acceptance should improve outcomes. Early transitioning helps too. See this:

http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2016.10.016

>>8387177
If you know of a cure for gender dysphoria please tell us.

Gender dysphoria has absolutely nothing to do with schizophrenia either. It's a total non sequitur.

>>8387177
If you check brain scans of a trans person their brain is far closer to their preferred gender than their natal sex.
That's why I believe that trans people are "born in the wrong bodies". If not their brain then where else in their body would you say someone's culmination of their character is. Being transgender is not a physiological problem, gender dysphoria is. Being transgender is a biological problem.

>>8387261
>The overall mortality for sex-reassigned persons was higher during follow-up \

I was always under the impression that SRS was the final goal of transitioning

>>8387296
In the field of psychiatry there are rarely any cures, its about making said persons way of life as best as it can be despite their illness. In some cases it can be SRS but more often then not it will just keep you wanting to die.

Well, you are right. But I was trying to make a greater statement. To a schizophrenic the voices are real and to a transgender they think they should be the opposite sex. Both are equally mistaken. Seeing as how a man isn't a women and the voices aren't real, it is unreasonable and simply incorrect to indulge the illness by saying the voices are real or that you are a women or man when that is not the case.

>>8387367
I have heard of that study and it makes some sense, but we have to remember that you can tell the difference between a male and female brain.

and not just through YX XX but over 6000 genes that differ in the brains of men and women. Regardless The Brain is biological so in no way can it differ from your biology. Simply put the brain dose not change. I mean to say this with respect but Transgenderism is a mix factors but mostly a philological disorder, being trans is defined by disagreeing with your biology.

>>8387410
You're still bringing schizophrenia into this when it is no more relevant to gender dysphoria than a hangnail is. You're implying that gender dysphoria is a hallucination when that is not the case at all. Your opinions about gender dysphoria are completely invalid and irrelevant because you can't even get basic facts straight.

>>8387456
Your arguement doesn't really make sense when you consider that transwomen brains look like women's brain. Your logic seems to support the hypothesis that trans women are women in this post.

>>8387491
>transwomen brains look like women's brain
[citation needed]

inb4 excuses excuses

>>8387501
Here's one example
https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article-lookup/doi/10.1210/jcem.85.5.6564
(I'm a bit slow finding them I'm on mobile and I didn't expect to be asked to citation it)

>>8387501
And another one (this one is about ftms if I'm honest)
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022395610001585

>>8387529
>The brains of 34 reference subjects (9 presumed heterosexual males
>presumed heterosexual
>presumed
With controls like this why even bother publishing?

If they published pseudoscience like that with the opposite conclusion they'd have been torn to shreds.

>>8387476
>opinions about gender dysphoria are completely invalid and irrelevant because you can't even get basic facts straight.

What do you mean? I agreed with you in that they are different. I just used the two as a comparison to describe how indulging a disorder is bad for the individual. And this stamen is consistent for most disorders.

I never said they are the same I simply stated that being an enabler to a disorder in all its definitions is often a bad thing.

>>8387491
Idk maybe that wasn't the best wording.

I honestly think you are mistaken, Biology exists regardless of feelings and the like.

Simply put your biology will never change and a Transwomen's brain will always be a man's brain in every identifying factor.

Being Transgender, as stated before is defined by disagreeing with your biological sex. This is the definition of an illness, anything that disagrees with biology is harshly put bad for you. This is why the suicide rate is so damn high.

To clarify this dose not mean the brain disagrees with the rest of the body, because it biologically can not. Being trans is by no means a normal or healthy phenomenon.

>>8387542
You can only ever presume when selecting a control, there's always a chance that the person could be repressing or lying. So you don't know for sure. I don't think you can dismantle a whole study on the choice of one word. Fair enough being skeptical but don't be so skeptical that you ignore evidence.

>>8387548
A transwomens brain is NOT a mans brain in every identifiable way, it's a mans brain based on the XY chromosome. In every other identifiable way that has been studied other than XY or XX a trans persons brain is closer to that of their preferred gender than their natal gender.

>>8387556
Are you literally retarded?

This isn't "one choice of word". This isn't "maybe they're repressing or lying". This is "we don't have a clue to their orientation so we'll call them straight and pretend we're scientists."

You would be being called a bigoted transphobe straight off of /pol/ if you made a defense that stupid and ignorant of a "study" with the reverse conclusion.

>>8387548
>To clarify this dose not mean the brain disagrees with the rest of the body, because it biologically can not.
Why can't the brain have structures incongruent with genital or chromosomal sex? Just because the root cause of gender dysphoria hasn't been established doesn't mean we're just imagining things. Prenatal development is extremely complex. A lot can go wrong, and will go wrong in somebody at some point.

In b4 muh chromosomes. Look at complete androgen insensitivity syndrome.

>>8387571
I don't think we will ever agree, but XX XY are not the sole defining factors as to how you define a the sex of a brain.

Over 6000 genes and the entire field of biology, make it impossible for a man's brain to ever be a women's.

and many people here keep bringing up the term "Gender." The unproven terminology of a mad scientist who committed human experimentation and drove his test subjects to suicide. (john money)

To this day there is zero evidence for the existence of gender in humans or the animal kingdom.

I respect the self awareness to recognize that this is a mental illness, why is the T even in the acronym it just makes us all look insane.

>>8387577
Are you retarded?
Do you not think the scientists would've asked them those questions?

And no if there were more, better studies showing that transgenderism has no basis in biology and that it's a completely mental thing then I would believe that transgenderism is completely a mental thing. The key important difference that makes your "if the studies showed the opposite" argument moot is that the studies DON'T show the opposite and the studies show that what I believe in is in fact scientifically accurate.
Don't be so skeptical that you ignore evidence.

>>8387571
>In every other identifiable way that has been studied other than XY or XX a trans persons brain is closer to that of their preferred gender than their natal gender.
Pseudoscience.

>>8387597
That's a very big "maybe" and can be the case in some crazy small percentile that blurs the line. so sure.

>>8387607
I know that the XX and XY aren't all that determines gender, that's an argument which supports my point. Your argument is that it shouldn't be possible for a biological man to have a women's brain. But the evidence from all the credible studies show that a biological man who identifys as a woman has a brain closer to that of a woman then a man.
When we learn about the world we put forward a hypothesis that fits the facts. We then find facts that don't fit the hypothesis, so we find a new hypothesis that fits the facts better.

Your suggesting the old hypothesis.
I'm suggesting the new facts which don't fit in the old hypothesis.
And the new hypothesis that does fit in all the facts.
What is still confusing you about my argument.

And incase this starts getting heated, peace and love, we're disagreeing on ideas, it's not a personal attack on either of us.

>>8387617
Don't be so gullible that you assume the pseudoscientists did somehow find out, whether that was getting out their Ouija board to ask or any other method.

It's obvious now you have no clue what you're talking about and just accept whatever alternative facts you get told without knowing the first thing about the supposed science behind it. I'm not wasting any more of my time on someone as intellectually impotent as you, but thank you for demonstrating the kind of mind that enthusiastically laps up this mental feces.

>>8387623
>Everything I disagree with is pseudoscience.
Point out what makes it pseudoscience or that argument is meaningless.

>>8387657
Pseudoscience is pseudoscience
FTFY

>>8387607
This post is total retardation. There aren't 6000 genes on the Y chromosome. SRY and ZFY are about the only Y-only genes that might have some effect due to postnatal expression, but that's far short of 6000, and the hormones can regulate the effects.

John Money is totally irrelevant. No one cares about him at all.

Wallow in your ignorance. We'll always be here. Just don't let us scare you too much!

>>8387654
All your arguments so far have been I'm personally wrong because I said so.
Or that study is wrong because I said so.
You haven't yet given a logical argument, you've only said that I'm wrong and then I'm stupid because I didn't believe you without any evidence.

>>8387662
>Everything I disagree with is pseudoscience.
Point out what makes it pseudoscience or that argument is meaningless.

Congratulations you managed to say something without actually saying anything meaningful. Your now using circular logic.

>>8387669
The study is obviously invalid as a 30 second reading of the abstract is enough to tell anyone with two brain cells.

I don't know which of those you hurdles you failed to pass but both wouldn't surprise me.

>>8387680
Already pointed it out you illiterate retard.

Stating that X is X is not circular, lrn2think.

>>8387702
>>8387694
Both of you have stopped arguing rationally, either your retarded or trolls either way no longer worth my time. Hope you guys find meaning in your life soon so you no longer have to post on a Vietnamese basket weaving forum.

>>8387542
You obviously never read the study.

>The number of neurons in the BSTc of male-to-female transsexuals was similar to that of females
>In addition, the neuron number of the FMT was clearly in the male range.

>>8387714
>Everyone who disagrees with me is irrational

>>8387653
Ok so lets break this down

Your Study (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0022395610001585)

Conclusion
>Our results show that the white matter microstructure pattern in untreated FtM transsexuals is closer to the pattern of subjects who share their gender identity (males) than those who share their biological sex (females). Our results provide evidence for an inherent difference in the brain structure of FtM transsexuals.

If this is to be believed then there are parts of the brain within those who are transsexual that would support their identity rather than the X's and Y's.

Ok so lets accept this for fact for just a sec. With this conclusion truly accepted as fact we know that there is a variable that can show a similarity in Mtf to females.

This still doesn't make my point about biology invalid. Because there are a variety of other ways to determine a male and female brain. Such as the 6000 genes and differ in men and women.

We can only give one determining factor out of many to support that an mtf brain is similar to that of a female in the for of the "white matter microstructure pattern "

So lets define this as fact I'll accept it, The verity of the 6000 differing genes within the brain of men and women would still exist. So I would make the very reasonable assertion that it is very likely that if we took said test subjects brain to be analyzed with. Both of our dening factors would be identified but ultimately the subjects brain would still be defined as male.

>>8387746
I hope we can get past the grammar here. I fucked it up

>>8387746
Yes but for your argument you are still assuming, I'd need to see definite proof in favour of your argument. Your expecting me to take your word for it, despite providing no actual evidence except your word on 4chan.

>>8387762
I don't care about a little grammar as long as your argument is understandable.

>>8387668
http://www.dailywire.com/news/16108/transgender-agenda-fail-scientists-say-there-are-amanda-prestigiacomo

Maybe john money is irrelevant but still doesn't dismiss the david reimer case. Or that Gender doesn't exist by his creation of the term.

>>8387746
>The verity of the 6000 differing genes within the brain of men and women would still exist.
This is pure trolling. I've already said there aren't even 6000 genes on the Y chromosome. Cite for the 6000 number or BTFO.

>>8387776
Yeah it doesn't specify if it used transgender tissues in the study, that study also only proves that there are biological differences between men and women, therefore it only disproving that sex is a social contruct. I don't believe sex is a social construct. The evidence that there is a difference between men and women is definite. My claim is that the brain of a transgender person is closer to that of their preferred gender. Which this study hasn't disproved.

>>8387770
I'm expecting you to bother reading your own "evidence".

>>8387846
I read my own evidence, I also read yours see >>8387816

>>8387816
Well as cheap as this sounds I Can't find my study. so just take it with a grain of salt .

Your study isn't the be all end all, It just specifies one instance in which Trans people can be closer to their identity. if anything this abnormality can be the defining factor in dysphoria, but still won't prove that by all factors mtf is closer to a real female than a male.

>>8387776
>http://www.dailywire.com/news/16108/transgender-agenda-fail-scientists-say-there-are-amanda-prestigiacomo
OK, I guess that's where 6000 comes from, they actually say 6500. Most of those aren't in the brain and the kinds of differences they are describing are hormone modulated. This is the reason why we go on HRT in the first place, duh.

David Reimer if anything proves our point. It's a sad and tragic case, but David had a male gender identity. Attempts to change that to female failed. You could no more make David identify female than you could force an MtF to identify as male, or an FtM to identify as female. This is evidence the futility of trying to prevent us from transitioning.

You're going to have to accept us. You have no more choice in the matter than we do.

>>8387870
We never disagreed on that point. If anything you're agreeing that gender isn't social construct.

As long as you're an adult transition all you want.

>>8387869
There's limited research on this at the moment, we can only argue with the facts we know. Of course new studies could come out that prove the opposite ; which is why I'm keeping my mind open. But so far what studies there are suggest that transgender people neurologically are closer to their preferred gender then their natal gender; which is why to simplify it I believe I have a female brain despite having a male body, even if only for now.

>>8387894
>If anything you're agreeing that gender isn't social construct.
I'm happy we agree on something.

>>8387912
Not the one you were arguing with but I assume that if that hypothesis were to be true, then the best way to proceed would be to simply require a brain scan instead of the "psychologist approval".

>>8388192
You could possibly do it via brain scans, so much more expensive then a few sessions with a therapist though.

>>8351723
>How do you feel as a transgender.
like my whole existence is some sick joke
>Can you describe difficulties dealing with dysphoria(what dose it feel like?)
constant depression
>Is depression a problem?
yes
>Do you think you are truly the opposite sex or do you think you are the sex you were born with but think you are the other.
i dont know what i am i just know i hate myself and my body
>are you a qt?
i'll get back to you on this one

File: 41lYya2Q9nL.jpg (16KB, 320x450px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 320x450px

>>8388224

Are you transitioning?

>>8376420
watch less porn my dude.

>>8351723
>are you a qt?
Stranger: you look fineeeeee
Stranger: ur qt
im a qt evidently

i want to die every day please help

File: cinderella-89.png (178KB, 590x369px) Image search: [Google]

178KB, 590x369px

Being a trans lesbian is some sort of never ending cruel joke. When I see cis lesbians the fucking jealousy is overwhelming.

This existence is honestly just a never ending torture, so horrifying I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies.

I am going to say something that Is an unpopular opinion etc. However, I don't think most trans people are really trans. I think the vast majority of the trans people out there are cis with other mental issues and are jumping on the bandwagon since it is on the go now.

For my entire life I have wished I was a girl. Every shooting star, every late night dream, the whole works. I didn't really know trans people existed until I was 17 and then I was starting university, and had too much on the go. The more I looked into it the more horrifying it was so I repressed till 24. Now I am passing and have a feminine voice, and will have SRS soon, but it just doesn't cut it.

I am beginning to get the "you will never really be a cis lesbian, so just kill yourself feels" I feel like I am lieing to people due to internal transphobia, and still having a dick fucks me up so friggen bad. I have spent thousands to remove face/body hair and still have some (though much more manageable) but every time what little I have grows back I feel like Cinderella: my dress, to rags, and coach to pumpkin.

The illusion is shattered. My current gf is bi but I think I need to leave her (together since before transition) and feel like I have no right to expect any other lesbian to love me.

I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this. What did I do in a past life to deserve this cruel torture!?

I know there are a lot of worse disabilities to have (Being trans is a disability btw I see myself was a cis girl with a disability/mutation or something)
I don't think therapy can help as at best it could just try and convince me of the delusion.

I just want to be who I am supposed to be. Maybe I do want to die.

>>8388373
>i want to die every day please help
You seemed like you were doing better. Are you feeling overwhelmed by what you're going through right now?

>>8379980

Girl that eight legged punk girl

>>8388433
You're going to have SRS soon, so I hope you can hold on until after that. There are no guarantees but it can make a really big difference when you have genital dysphoria.

>>8388216
Are they? Still, it would really be the best way, not only to determine if the patient really is trans, but also to shut up TERFs and to help people stop thinking that trannies are mentally sick (assuming the brain stuff is actually accurate, which should be thoroughly investigated).

>>8388433

Therapy girl. It sounds like you've had some shit ones in the past or have a preconceived notion of how they will treat you but there are good gender therapists out there. It sounds like you have a lot of resentment with your condition... talking to someone decent could really help you work through that. <3

>>8388433
>When I see cis lesbians the fucking jealousy is overwhelming.
This, this so much.
My story's pretty similar to yours, though I'm still just finally getting to a gender therapist.
What really fucks me up is that it feels like I'm not allowed to love anyone or be loved by anyone right now. If I pursue straight women then they'll love me as a man and it feels outright deceptive to enter a relationship knowing I'll have to come out. If I'm dumb enough to pursue lesbians then I'll get turned down for being a man, if they even believe I'm actually trans and not just a creep trying to trick them into sex.

>For my entire life I have wished I was a girl. Every shooting star, every late night dream, the whole works. I didn't really know trans people existed until I was 17 and then I was starting university, and had too much on the go. The more I looked into it the more horrifying it was so I repressed till 24.
Also me.
To answer OP's question, it's a lot like constantly knowing there's something *wrong* about you and even though you can try to repair some of the damage you'll never be whole as the person you were meant to be.
It's like walking through life feeling robbed of some essential part of yourself. If I were religious I'd say it feels like not having a soul. Probably the worst thing about being trans is that it isn't even your fault, you just got the short straw and it happened to you. There's nobody to blame for being trans, and you can't hold anyone accountable. You're robbed of anger and vengeance and someone to hate.

[spoiler]pretty sure we've talked about this in private before, >>8388433[/spoiler]

>>8388749
It would be nice if the brain science were definitive enough to silence those who think we are just larping. I don't think brain scans would need to be routine. I doubt there'd be enough benefit to justify the cost, and it would be just more gatekeeping.

If there were a problem with kids being wrongly early transitioned, and a brain scan could help prevent mistakes and make early transitioning more acceptable, then maybe it would be worth it.

>>8388811
Nice dubs. Also, yeah, the early transitioning stuff would be the biggest benefit.

My Balls itch time to time

>>8351951
You know if you tell the rest of the family you can ruin his life right? There's literally zero reason to make that up and they probably already think he's a bit of a shit, just not that bad.

If he no longer living at home at least you won't have to see him anymore, unless your parents are also psychopaths. If he does live at home he's out on his ass, probably after being quite badly beaten.

You know, presuming parents anywhere near being half decent. Not trying to tell you your business or anything and I don't know your family.

>>8388531
yeah but i started looking into what kind of work shit is required to pass/feel better

theres a lot of stuff to do its a bit overwhelming

>>8391184
It is a lot especially at first. It helps to keep working at it so you can see yourself making progress. If you only spend 5 minutes working on your voice, at least you've done something.

>>8392501
i have some anxiety problems though with practicing my voice where other people can hear me :d

looks like this thread is about to kill though so if you have any resources pls send them to [email protected] (this is my real email address thx)