off my chest

I really like cheese.

>>8221994
It doesn't sound like you have gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria to start with, anon.
If you don't want to be a woman, you don't have gender identity issues. See a therapist for the sexual abuse shit.

>>8222019
the thing is I have seen a therapist and she pushed the trans agenda on me. I was forced to dress and act like a girl in one of these abuse instances. I crossdressed thru out my life, either as a fetish but usually as a "rock bottom" event i.e. where I felt like I wasn't a "real man" for whatever reason. I expressed this to my therapist and she always brings up trans related treatment. I know, its probably time for a new therapist.

>>8222033
Yeah, go see another therapist because literally nothing you've said so far sounds like gender dysphoria. FYI, gender identity disorder is an outdated term and isn't even in the DSM anymore, just gender dysphoria.

I was sexually abused at 6 and lasted till I was 10. The same guy raped me at 12. I was targeted as well in elementary and middle school for being to fem and small. The thing is I came out as at 4 about my gender identity stuff to my parents and liked boys from a early age. those events actually made me repress for the longest time. Yea I put on makeup and dressed up from time to time but never because I felt like less of a man but because I didn't want to be a man at all I just think it's all different experiences op. I don't think you are trans but I know for sure some of us are.

>>8221994
OP, I'm in a similar situation as you and my current "gender identity" is agender, which isn't even an actual gender identity. I pretend to be male in public and I have absolutely 0 interest in changing my healthy male body or crossdressing. I have zero connection to the female gender as far as I can tell. I'm not trans, and you're not trans either. What we are is incredibly fragmented.

>>8222033
>the thing is I have seen a therapist and she pushed the trans agenda on me

Your therapist is a complete idiot or you are very bad at expressing yourself in real life. My gut feeling is you should try a male therapist. Female therapists have studied masculine psychology but it's like asking a deaf person to write you a review on the newest music album. It doesn't matter how many music encyclopedias they've read. They're fucking deaf.

>as a "rock bottom" event i.e. where I felt like I wasn't a "real man" for whatever reason

Yep, same symptoms as me. It's dissociation, anon. Chronic depersonalization. Sexual abuse does that. I remember being targeted for being a "little boy" (those were the guy's words). My theory is that I sealed away my gender identity because that's what got me into trouble. If being a "little boy" gets you molested/raped, then the "smart" thing to do is stop being a little boy. I dissociated completely, so I never got PTSD. Can you relive the things you experienced? I can't. At all. I remember the information, but it's like it all happened to someone else. Does that sound similar to the manner you process things?

>>8222574
thanks anon, this was really helpful. I agree I think a male therapist could relate to some of the masculinity issues I face and how those played a role in why I was abused. As far as my actual abuse, you were pretty spot on. Its like remembering an out of body experience. thanks again this really helped my thinking on the right track, at least for today

>>8222574
You 2 have helped me put my gender issues in perspective, I was on the verge of taking hormones fuck that shit bong on.
>as a "rock bottom" event i.e. where I felt like I wasn't a "real man" for whatever reason

For me this is when I obey the psychs , having my will broken makes me feel like I'm not a man I want to take a hammer to the head of a dozen abusers that's my deepest desire not being a girl but I'm to bitch todo that therefore I'm a girl.