Repressors, lend me your energy

What does that theme have to do with being a tranny

>>8190510
>IM BETTER THAN THOSE FREAKS
Haha, no. At least they're doing something to improve their situations.

>>8190510
Amy?

>>8190519
it symbolises the return of testosterone and the assurance of my continued social normality

>>8190531
>implying you can't just be a badass tranny

>>8190535
doesent compute with me. i have a hard enough time asserting myself as a guy. being a freak with tits will ruin my life and make me unable to leave the house.

>>8190526
holding myself from being a visable tranny is a gift to society.
and my family can have a socially acceptable depressed gay son than an attention attracting embarassing tranny "daughter"

they might not say it. but i am doing my friends and family i favour. im doing what none of them have the heart to ask me to do. to stop.

>>8190531

>using Halo
>not using Walk by Pantera

kek

>>8190543
No, you are just convincing yourself you do it for others, in actual reality you are just a coward running away from her problems.

>>8190564
its me versus the entire world. of course i fold.

id rather be able to go out and about and not have people attack me or shout at me.
and even if they did as a guy, i can discount because they will have no basis in truth against me.

but being visably trans is a mark of shame, being repressed just keeps that shame on the inside and doesent let the rest of the world join in

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Here just listen to these
https://youtu.be/pKiB8-2LK6s
https://youtu.be/Ptw41GUKLpc
Works for me

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Unblock me on skype niya I miss you

>>8190574
Not going to try further, I already called you a coward and you will break down sooner or later.
I can only tell you that you pray that it will be soon enough to be repairable.

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>>8190587
WHY CANT YOU ACCEPT IM A MAN WITH NO HOPE AND THE ONLY PATH IS TO FIND A WAY TO COPE
AMY ISNT REAL
SHE WILL NEVER BE REAL
NOTHING IN THIS WORLD CAN CHANGE THE BIOLOGICAL AND PHYSICAL TRUTH OF THAT

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Transitioners lend me your energy

I want to stop repressing. I want to be the way my brain tells me I'm supposed to be, I don't want the shame and guilt to dictate my life anymore, I just want to be happy and transition and make it and put this nightmare behind me

>>8190613
But you're a girl, amy.

>>8190613
>le harddyke with tiny kid hands
>man
lmao

>>8190613
If you were actually a man you wouldn't be this insecure lol

>>8190619
Do it

>>8190528
Amy Amethyst? That hon who did porn?

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>>8190613
>pushing you hip out
Start by not doing that sweetie

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>>8190619
Anti-repressor munitions dropping in 3... 2... 1...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR8LFNUr3vw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2DFjeaKIqw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JJfvY7WVf0

>>8190613
>Dr. Pavel I'm Dysphoria

>>8190619
The guilt and shame have been directed at you for so long that you're probably on the edge of ego death, all to make certain other people who aren't you and don't care about you don't think you're 'a freak'.

You are your own happiness, and when you radiate your own happiness (and you will because you will be YOU, not the lie/shadow of you that you wear like a full-body costume) other people will come to you to be happy themselves.

You got this, girl. Nothing in transitioning is harder than all the pain, shame, guilt, doubt, and fear you've already pumped into your mask.

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>>8190636
thats a normal pose ffs. dont gaslight me

>>8190641
hue

>>8190627
i might not be a real man in the sense i like other guys, am sensitive as fuck and am too emotional

>>8190623
no. i want to be a girl...thats not the same

>>8190624
do i really have to pull out the hardcore repression years to prove my point.

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>>8190641

>>8190613
Amy, you're a girl and shouting it at your brain won't change that no matter how much you want to 'be a man'. You're not a man and you never will be. No amount of fakery, no amount of hiding, no amount of running will carry you far enough away to be able to 'cope' forever and you'll just waste 20 years running and not living, and the only thing you will accomplish is to transition at 40 or die tired from all the running.

Your worth IS NOT DETERMINED by other people. Their opinions are worthless.

>>8190670
not her but similar feelings, why can't i just be a subby gay crossdresser instead of transition?

>>8190670
goddamnit.

>perma boymode with no bf ever is my destiny

THE WORST THING IS I COULD HAVE KEPT MY OLD ONE IF I WASNT TRANS

:_:

Woman up.

>>8190695
There's no reason you can't be a subby gay crossdresser, ~~if that's what you are~~. But generically speaking, as I understand it a gay male celebrates their masculinity, and Amy only does that as a show to cover her actual feelings (or so it has seemed to me, and IIRC she has even admitted as much in the past). You can't 'just be' something for no other reason than to dodge other people's thoughts on the topic. It'll literally drive you mad over the years.

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>>8190765
but its wrong to transition if it will lead to hondom...

>>8190738
And you can attract a new one because you are, no matter how impossible it seems to you now. But before you can do that, you have to put yourself in order! Present someone worth loving to the world, and someone will love them.

I understand that being trans sucks, but it's just a problem to work through like any other medical condition. And remember that while 'permaboymode' seems to be reality to you now, 20 years will present changes you can't possibly fathom right now.

Look where we were 20 years ago compared to now! Use that knowledge to keep faith that you won't 'always be boymode'. Because you won't (in all likelihood).

>>8190772
i want to be a gay male who likes feeling feminine so transition stops being appealing.

>>8190781
No, it's wrong to live a lie. That's the only real wrong you need to worry about...well, outside of like murdering people and other silliness, of course.

People deserve the opportunity to at least MEET you before you judge how they'll respond, don't they?

>>8190510
hrt or not you will still be inferior to tru trans

>>8190781
I am the Skittles of my Conetits
Dysphoria is my Body and Estrogen is my Blood.
I have created over a Thousand Feels,
Unknown to /mtfg/,
Nor known to /out/.
Have withstood Pain to create many Shitposts
Yet those Hands will never hold Cock.
So, as I Pray--
Unlimited Trans Works!

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>>8190794
ok...
but the stress and pressure of being trans is only alleviated if i deny it
thats why it always comes back
>>8190801
my freinds know but i cant feel comfortable unless i just stay my normal self theyve known for years so i told them i was giving up

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if i lend you my energy will it stop me from repressing because i want to stop repressing so bad but idk where to start

>>8190824
You need some good, calming distractions. Have you taken up any good, peaceful-but-relaxing hobbies? Bonsai trees, flower arranging, gardening, drawing/painting/chalk/etc, other types of crafts (a Hobby Lobby is a dream for days like this), pets (I recommend ferrets, as their playful antics can't help but make you giggle), crocheting, etc...?

I think you might consider trying self-acceptance instead of self-denial as a means of coping with your fears, and use the hobbies as outlets for accumulated stress. Just ideas of course, but they helped me out a lot.

By doing this, you won't be repeatedly practicing denial, which means you won't keep throwing your good girl pills away because you've been practicing at it.

>>8190695
Gay guys want to suck your dick.

>tfw trutrans and the reason why i thought i could repress was "manning up"
>tfw now a decent looking dude and cant go back

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>>8190574
>i can discount because they will have no basis in truth against me.
somehow can accept people calling you a faggot but can't accept people calling you a tranny? Both are the same side of the coin of ignorance.

>>8190864
i dont really have much else to do other than exercise and go on the computer, watch tv or go out drinking and get high

anything feminine i have an aversion to like a feeling of shame. since i was a kid and learned certain activities are gendered.

>>8190817
I chuckled at this thank you anon

>>8190879
people cant tell if im gay. unless they caught me kissing my boyfriend

i can deny it with ease, and by presenting as a man i would have the strength and ability to physically intimidate or prevent anyone saying anything.

its just so much easier for me to shrug off insults if they are directed at the outer shell i pilot

I will lend you energy but you gotta use it to become a girl deal?

>>8190880
Perhaps we should work on alleviating some of that visceral shame reaction then, neh? I remember that feeling from my own brainwashing/fake lifetime, and it's horrible. But it's also really really strong usually, so...

How about we work to lessen it by acclimating you to more feminine things? With the things you mentioned access to, there are a million websites but I think the easiest and most effective is Netflix or it's like. Try to watch shows from your younger days (when you were learning what shows were gendered for whom), and move forward in time and genres to more modern, sophisticated fare. This will help both by introducing (lesser) shame that will get less with each viewing, and gives you a quick-but-strong (because you're emotionally invested) fem socialization burst.

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>>8190894
doesnt stop people calling you a faggot. Doesn't stop people calling passing trannies trannies, You really concern yourself to much with plebs be better than that and allow your mind to become what its really wants.

>>8190934
thats a good idea
around cis girls i feel very masculine in behaviour and ashamed of being trans in my head.

>>8190943
thats the thing. no one ever says anything to me as a guy.

thats why im so afraid of losing that safety

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>>8190956
are you kidding me? Men have to deal with so much more social expectations moreso than women because society expects men to be emotionless and take care of everything otherwise they get called a faggot who loves taking the dick up their ass. Trust me if you ever hang with alot of guys and you do somthing slightly feminine you will get railed for it. Being called a man because the way your mind works since its a female mind you will realize that being treated that way is fucking torture and only makes you repress more into an emotionless husk.

>>8190974
all of my male friends are mostly bi or gay and not typcially masculine to a degree. like ive never hanged out with jocks or alphas in my life.

i just mean the way im treated in public. no one says anything to me.

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>>8190979
>all the people thats worth interacting with accept me for who i am thinking i am a gay male.
you can easily still say this even if you transition
>all the people thats worth interacting with accept me for who i am thinking and treating me as any other female.

The real way you figure out if you want to transition is if you see value and worth in it through introspection and not caring for what other plebeian idiotic fucks think except the people you care about who also share your values. That is the best way to live. You need to really think deeply about this and think if you suffer from dysphoria or you are really just a gayman with agp fantasies. HRT is supposed to bring clarity to your mind.

>>8191022
also all my close friends know i am trans and going back and forth too.

it did. it confirmed what i already knew. but made everything more painful and sad on an emotional scale. but hrt does let me feel happy on a day to day basis if i dont stress. without it dysphoria comes in my mind and tortures me.

but shame and fear made me wanna bury that. and try to cope with the bad feelings.
i treat being gay as a coping mechanism by finding a guy more masculine and dominant than me to make me feel like less of a man

>>8190979
>no one says anything.
That's a goddamn blessing

>>8191045
I understand those feelings, but repression usually ends horribly. And yes when you tell people you are trans they too must go through a transitory period as well and if they still stick around they are worthy of them staying in your life.

> but hrt does let me feel happy on a day to day basis if i dont stress. without it dysphoria comes in my mind and tortures me.

I would suggest staying on HRT and presenting in boymode until you obtain confidence and you don't have to tell everyone you are a tranny that is the point of being stealth. You only tell people that are worht your time, everything else is white noise.

>>8191047
which is why i want to keep it that way and keep hiding.

its only because i look like a man i am left alone.
i dont think im strong enough if anyone confronted me

>>8190974
quality post. reposted it in >>8170856 since that's the closest to a gender expectations thread there is >>8191060

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>>8191064
i am glad people can find some value in my posts. I wonder if i would get the same respect if i told everyone what my shit i forgot what ther term was but i used to use a name on 4/lgbt/ instead of staying anonymous like a couple years ago when i was still a mess with my mental state and transition.

>>8190876
i'd rather that than anal

>>8191080
the term is trip/tripfag? which boards on 8 do you post on?

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>>8191097
oh not anymore also i rarely posted on 8 I originally manifested myself from 420chan. then all the trannies came to this board so here i am still wondering if im talking to the same or entirely new people.

>>8191163
i guess lots are new. i remember seedy though.

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>>8191180
/cd/ was the bomb that board was where any tranny could post and not receive so much hateful judgement compared to other sites. To bad they all decided to leave for here i don't remember why that board died though.

>>8191214
i didn't like the way the mods treated it. it put me off so much i'd stopped going before the move here.

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>>8191214
omg dude i just went to check 420chan for the nostalgia and i came across this thread in /cd/
https://boards.420chan.org/cd/res/402386.php

maybe i could reconnect.

>>8190510
I really do relate to you a lot spartan. Except I don't autistically post about it. Transitioning just wouldn't work for me. I do hope you end up happy regardless of what you do though.

>>8191278
i caved and took my pills again.
i dont know. either way, it all boils up and explodes, whether its dysphoria making me come back to transition or shame and insecurity driving me to repress.

i just cant win

>>8191278
How is repression for you?

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>>8191282
>>8191278
omg do you guys not read my advice? Just take your pills and present in boymode in other words dont socially transition until you are ready.

>>8191346
How do yo hide bewbs?

>>8191346
What's the point if we'd be in boymode forever?

>>8191282
I know how you feel. Sometimes my dysphoria gets so bad I don't care and I almost end up transitioning. Then I realize my family and friends would hate me I would be alone and I would probably still look like a man. It's pretty much a fucked if you do fucked if you don't situation.

>>8191317
It sucks but it's probably better than the alternative.

>>8191346
I didn't read through the thread. I think it would be hard to get on HRT without people I live with knowing and I have no clue how they would react.

The only thing that's acting as a road block for you right now is your fear of what other people will think of you. Staying in boymode isn't ideal, but I think that's the best choice you have right now until you feel comfortable enough with yourself to present yourself as female in public.

>>8191282
That's not caving, Amy, that's doing what's right and being a good girl. Don't let fear give you an internal monologue that distorts the actual meaning of things. Caving is when you give in - in this case, to fear, shame, and/or guilt.

I know the dysphoria strikes, and it still strikes me. I figure some small amount of it always will, just like some people always have pain from an illness or a disability. But no more can I just live a life terrified of disappointing people who's very disappointment is evidence of their self-centered nature.

Tie a little red string to your pill holder/bottle/syringe/etc to remind you to come here FIRST before you decide to skip, throw away, or do literally anything else with them other than take them. We don't have the power to force you to do something, but some of us do have enough concern to make sure you're making the decision YOU want to make, not the one fear wants you to make.

>>8191423
I'm sorry :(
At least I'll have therapy soon to address all these issues

>>8191360
>It sucks
How bad?

>>8191514
Some days I want to kill myself and others I want to transition even though chances are I would still look like a man. It's a shitty way to live no doubt but I don't think transitioning would be any better for me.

>>8191478
Nothing to be sorry for. ^^

I hope you get a good therapist, but just in case, do remember that it is YOUR right to get a second opinion anytime you want one. Never give your rights away, because people sure as hell won't give them back.

Now take a ~hug~ and go watch some good tv! I'm watching Mischevious Kiss on Netflix, it's pretty good if you don't mind subtitles (Japanese).

>>8191546
How many days are like that compared to ones where you feel happier?

>>8191763
Honestly most days I feel like shit. The only days I don't are when I'm busy.

>>8190510
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEB1PLC3KZA

WATCH THIS, SSJ = REPRESSION

you all have bpd and bipolar, its not the tranny thoughts that make you women, its your fucked up mental illnesses

>>8193087
I actually do have borderline personality disorder. I often wonder if it really is just bpd.

>>8193116
why don't you just ascend?
>>8193071

>>8193148
Damn I already don't care about anything especially my life. Looks like I've ascended.