So, I met someone on Tinder last night and lost my Virginity. I thought I would feel good about it, because I've been too nervous to do anything ... But I feel kind of used. And kind of shitty about it.
So I'm talking to a guy who is older than me, he's 32 years old. We had been talking for a week and I really liked him, he is a total top and I'm a total bot, and he seemed like a nice , non-sleazy guy to go to.. He invited me around for a drink and so I went. I was quite nervous beforehand so I had a drink myself ... Which might have been a mistake. Anyway I got there and he was exactly as I hoped , he was charming and cute and things were going well, until a few drinks later , maybe an hour, he started to get so forceful. I kissed him, and that was nice, but he kept forcing my hand onto his cock. Like not gently but quite violently. I didn't really mind, it was quite hot ... And things escalated and reached a point where I was blowing him on his sofa. Anyway he eventually gets very forceful, literally PICKS ME UP, which I fucking hated, and puts me on his bed. I say I don't want to have sex but I'm happy to keep going, and he calls me a tease , starts shouting at me, saying I've wasted his time. I felt quite bad then so I said I'd carry on and see what happens ... So I did, and eventually we start having sex, reluctantly. During sex he is slapping me and not being gentle. I actually cried a little. It hurt like hell, it stung, and I didn't enjoy it at all. I felt like I was guilt tripped into having sex. I feel like I can't trust people any more, if even the nice ones turn out bad. The worst thing is he didn't even use a condom, and came inside me. When he was done I was told to leave. That was the worst experience of my life . And just writing it out makes me feel worse.
As it turns out there are people out there who will take advantage of positive traits like kindness, gentleness, generosity, submissiveness, trust, and turn them against you. Sometimes guys who seem nice are just good at acting as if they are. I've had a similar experience and it's why I try to really get to know someone, and make sure they're capable of discussing and respecting boundaries before being vulnerable around them.
When someone breaks small limits you set, or especially tries to make you feel stupid or selfish for having them, that tends to be a huge warning sign that they're not going to respect your limits in the future. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, or that it was your fault for not expecting someone to act like a monster. It means the world is unsafe, and I hope for everyone that they can find precautions that will help protect them in the future.
I hope you can take some comfort in that the idea of 'virginity,' and of your first time being of utmost importance, are mostly artificial. If you don't feel like what happened was consensual, which, considering he took advantage of your vulnerability while drunk to pressure and force you into sex, doesn't sound like it was, you don't even have to think of it as real sex. You can have another first time with someone who loves you. You don't have to feel nervous or in pain. Sex is supposed to feel safe and good and mutually pleasurable, even and especially if there's some form of power exchange.
Stay safe, op. You deserve someone who will respect and love and listen to you. I wish you the best going forward.
First off, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, man.
Don't freak out too much over the idea of being raped and all that it implies. As terrible as it is a lot of people go through it at some point or other. I have. What helped me deal with the idea of being a "rape-victim" was just thinking about it as losing a fight.
Sure, you'd rather everything have gone your way and you wish it was a good memory but shit happens. All you can do is move on with your life and try to forget about it.
In the future you have to be more comfortable in your boundaries, and if a guy gets aggressive with you over not wanting to go further call him an asshole and leave.
I know it's easier said than done but I just stay on guard with new people always, even the nice ones. It helps to avoid being in a position where I might be manipulated into doing things, but I also don't make very many new friends.
Don't worry about the whole first time thing either. Lots and lots of guys first time is shitty and regrettable, even when they weren't raped.
If it's really getting to you, you can instead look forward to your first time with someone you care about. That's almost always the more memorable story anyway.
What he did is unacceptable. I understand for some people that kind of scenario gets their rocks off but this whole exchange screams manipulation despite your consent which was in my opinion forced.
What a fucking scumbag, I wouldn't mind smacking him around to put him in his place.
AND he didn't wear protection, get thee to a STD clinic within the week Anon. And please, stay safe.
Did you say no?
And after you said no, did he continue to have sex with you that you did not want to have?
I get that there's a gray area for rape, but he barely even manipulated you into having sex. You'll probably look back later and think "wow I really didn't feel like I even chose to have sex with that guy." Because the truth is, you didn't. You were afraid of what would happen if you kept saying no.
The nice thing is that you don't seem too shaken up about it. A lot of rape cases end really messily because the person feels like everything about their life was shattered and they'll never be safe again, and that doesn't describe you from what I can see. You'll be a little fucked up about hookups but honestly hookup culture is SO skeezy anyway.
Honestly I would love to get fucked like this, raw and passionate and ending with my hole full of cum. Sounds hot as fuck. I would be diamonds if a guy picked me up, threw me on the bed and had his way with me
>op will forever be the used goods of some rapist
>intimacy issues for life
>innocence disrespected like he was a knockoff onahole
>probably caught something
And what did we learn.
He said he'd carry on and see what happens, but the top already knew he didn't want to bottom. I agree the term "rape" is being used a little bit loosely here, but only a little bit. He was still manipulated and pressured into having sex that he didn't want to have, and then treated like shit right after.
That's not a good experience regardless of what you call it.
Hey, I'm speaking to a counseller, she says what happened was rape. But is helping me get over it. I feel really shitty. But I think I'm taking it out in the wrong way, by going out and slutting it up... Drinking too much... Gone for tests today. Everything was fine apart from the big one which will have to wait.