hey trans- and questioning people of /lgbt/, kinda need help.

>>8107489
There is no black and white "trans or not". Dysphoria can be severe or less severe and it can change over time. It's hard to tell when it's not so bad if it will get bad enough that you're miserable without transitioning or if it will stay low enough that you can cope without transition. Transition might not be for you anyway if you're afraid you won't pass.

>>8107543
i guess its more of a thing about the past, like, it may tell how i may react later on.
well, i am 1,85m so theres that, my nose is quite...eh aswell. faceApp gave me a nice picture though which is quite realistic as it seems to be just a little smoothing out in my face, tge rest can probably done with makeup...
a thing im constantly worrying about is my hair, im 19 and already have a receiding hairline and i dont know what to do, so...yeah. it honestly feels really bad, pushes my self esteem quite down desu, and if i maybe only kinda crossdressed i couldnt even use my own hair because of it...sounds trivial but idk, it really got me desu when the hairloss started happening and it really feels like i wouldnt be passable then i mean, hair is just toooo important...

also, like, i dont know if i simply thought all of this based on desperation...

>>8107579
HRT stops male hair recession, although it doesn't undo what's already happened.

>>8107585
well then im fucked anyway i guess. rip me

i knew @ 20 yrs old but ignored it until 30. followed (((bad))) advise to see if i grow out of the "phase" or if its just agp.

no suprise not agp. now 30ish when starting HRT. but hey, i dont care how unpassable i stay - the estrogen fixes my brain, thats all i care about. (=


dont get these thoughts from other people. if you talking to a woman brought this on, i think you need more socialization with traditional conformity. dont do hrt for physical beauty.

can you get estrogen to self med for a month and see if that sets your smile right?

>>8107599
>dont get these thoughts from other people. if you talking to a woman brought this on, i think you need more socialization with traditional conformity.
we just started talking in a thread on /b/ and it wasnt really about me cause i just wanted to be a social contact for her. i guess i kinda tackled the topic of 'well i was convinced for quite a while that im no man' and yeah, we talked more and more. she said that there are alot of possibilities, what to do, what may help etc.
>dont do hrt for physical beauty.
im ugly anyway kek and as i said, 1,85m, id be crazy tall i guess for a woman
>can you get estrogen to self med for a month and see if that sets your smile right?
i dont know where i could get i tho. you think it could help me with, like, happiness stuff? that my brain needs it to function right?

Although I let some dark things keep me from seeking help for a very VERY long time, I first knew I was a girl when I was 6 or 7...6 I think, but those early memories are really foggy at times, and a bout of PTSD robbed me of many of them.

My interests, my heroines (because every time I picked up a toy it became a story starring whatever female action figure I had at the time, because I ALWAYS got the females first unless they were sold completely out), all my initial friends were female (I used to try to line up with them at school, but that didn't fly well). I told a couple people I trusted (and wow did I learn not to trust anymore after that). I eventually got...umm...'forcibly repressed' (likely the cause of my PTSD), but even then I found a new outlet -- there was this pretty recent thing called D&D, and I caught REAL FAST what its new use would be, but that's a whole other story.

Ultimately, I've never really NOT known. I only have two memory fragments older than the 6/7 one, and neither of them are very long or very detailed.

I hope that helps some. Good luck with your search, and don't make passing your primary goal if you really are trans. Make it healing. All else is tertiary.

>>8107716
>I eventually got...umm...'forcibly repressed' (likely the cause of my PTSD),
???

>>8107489
i knew i was really a girl when i was 8
waited until 21 to actually transition because i didn't know being trans was a thing
i don't know how i figured it out, it just hit me, i would play pretend and always be a girl character and when they referred to me as a girl it just felt right

>>8107719
That's one of those things where you get beat until you act 'sufficiently manly' over a long period of time. Thankfully my caretaker wasn't overly manly himself or I'd have likely been killed, but I DEFINITELY stopped referring to myself as a girl (out loud). I really don't like talking much about it.

>>8107798
What feminine things did you get beaten for?

>>8107716
i see, i see...i guess im just overreacting...

i mean, i guess its likely that my psyche just wants something again, so it goes for all kinds of things. also that i kinda conditioned myself to not choose girl characters because "ill never be one anyway" in, like, videogames where its the easiest to start i guess. i remember being younger, before that Kind of Realisation, i played girl characters, i knew that how i was wasnt right, i even asked some friends online to refer to me as kathrin...

and now in here and don't know shit to do, who i am, what etc... i remember back then i used to look in the mirror and don't see myself. i saw the younger Version of my brother, never, like, ME. i don't know how much i repressed when i told myself that I'm hopeless and will never be able to be who i wanted to be.

>>8107579
>>8107594
Even if you don't plan on fully transitioning I still recommend trying estrogen. Oftentimes just having it in your system can make transwomen feel a lot better psychologically.

>>8107489
>girl on hrt
*boy on HRT

>>8109623
well, she was a he earlier on so i guess i said it right? at least she rather wants me to use these pronouns
>>8109550
i dont know where to get it though. i dont know, i hate my body, i dojt feel comfortable in it at all, but if its actually because im unsure about my gender or just hate it in general...hmmn.
i dont feel approved as a man at all, like...my role. i feel unwanted and unloved, so in general im very, veeery hesitant to do anything yet.

...bamp

>>8109732
Read HRTGen, pick an online pharmacy from among the links, buy hormones

Or

Go the official route, assuming trans care is available in your area

>>8109732
And if it makes you feel any better, I also actively ignored it, and then started gender experimentation shortly after high school, and then finally I was browsing /lgbt/ and it all just sorta clicked. I did my research, got myself into a somewhat more stable financial situation, bought hormones, and as soon as I started taking them there was no question. No doubt left. Overall, everything just got better with hormones. I feel real for the first time I can remember. I'm feeling more connected to my emotions(and not what passed for emotions before either: wild mood swings between fucking insane mania, rage, and the emptiest feelings of depression ever) and memories, and I've never been happier, well that's a lie: I'm out of e and down to half doses of cypro, so I'm not at my best right now, but even still, I'm better than I was. I don't even need my usual drugs (caffeine, alcohol, marijuana, DXM) when I have hormones.

>>8113499
i see, thanks.
i kinda talked a little about the topic with my unis psychologist who pretty much told me it would be the best to start a therapy, however i dont know how it should look like. but yes, transcare should be available. i guess germany is quite good when it comes to this.
>>8113552
thanks for the insight. i hope i can talk with a therapist soon to maybe slightly tackle the topic again and see what he or she says, what i may do (probably 'buy some clothes and try them, see if you feel more confident in them').
im having these weird phases aswell, mostly depression and weird happiness, even though the distribution is like 80/20.. maybe im really imbalanced inside, idk.

in general im scared to make a decision which makes me happy for a few years and then i may find out that it mayve been just a phase...and then im someone entirely else.
on the other hand..its not a said thing that i dont stay happy, if its the right thing. as i said and thought today in a normal situation where a relative of our family referred to me as 'katia' i subconsciously smiled alot and had this...light feeling. i mean, at least that shows that I'm generally not opposing the idea?

>>8107585
>>8107594
That's totally untrue. At least for me! Not just partial growth either, it all grew back.

>>8107579
Actually get will restore your hairline as well as prevent baldness. It can't change your original hairline but it will cause hairto start grgrowing again where you started to recede so it does recover mostcertainly

File: FaceApp_1492301191860~01.jpg (132KB, 1280x632px) Image search: [Google]

132KB, 1280x632px

>>8113691
i kinda heard from both sides before, so...eh.i guessi simply have to try it out. im super scared to think what my family would say though.. i mean, i guess my mom would kinda accept it (i mean when i was younger i bought some kneesocks 'for a friend' and i guess she knew i took them), my brother would probably try to act normal... but my dad wouldn't like it at all, as well as his girlfriend. but..i have to get into that situation, so i guess ive got some time to maybe convince him that i dont feel alright the way i am for quite a while and thats something i have to try..

>pic related: what faceapp gave me. are the changes it made real? also ignore my horrible hair, im washing them today and at least theyll be more gold-ish then and i wont have such a bad styling lul