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Anonymous
Keeping friendships going 2017-04-14 01:35:07 Post No. 8101587
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Keeping friendships going 2017-04-14 01:35:07 Post No. 8101587
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I'm 25, M and gay. She's 22, and has a BF. Closest friend I've had in many years. Recently I've been getting mixed messages about whether or not she actually enjoys my presence. Help me understand her please.
When we spend time together I really enjoy being around her and I think she does with me as well. We talk about our pasts in the most intimate of detail and our hopes for the future, and this sometimes includes us being friends far into the future, which makes me very happy. I haven't had any friend as compassionate and thoughtful as her ever. The thing is, she often gives me mixed messages about how she feels about seeing me before or after spending time together. For example, recently we hung out for several hours, she thanked me for the day and I said we should do it again sometime. Her response was tepid (she's a passive person, if someone wants to do something with her, she'll do it for them). Since then our messages have been one-sided (my side) and she's turned down the offer to study together.
TL;DR: does she actually enjoy want me to be a part of her life or is she just too kind of a person to give it to me straight?
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I'd like to give some more background about us:
We've gotten to know each other very well over the past 2 years and have spent a lot of time together. I just feel like I've been getting a cold shoulder these past few months, being greeted and farewelled with facial expressions of exasperation. I took this as her needing some space from me, but several weeks later she was once again glad to see me, and complained that I stopped wanting to talk to her/hang out. Does she just like the attention, but not me in particular perhaps? I really value her as a friend, shes a great person and talking to her about myself has been very self-revealing/therapeutic, and I hope she could say the same about me. I just dont want to lose her as a friend :'(
Hopefully pic unrelated.
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she might just wanna chill on her own for a bit. you could try her again in a couple weeks
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Women do that sometimes. My gf does it to me, even. Chances are she still likes you and wants you around, but some days she's not feeling very affectionate. Don't worry about it too much or let it discourage you from trying again.
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>>8101642
Thanks. My guy friends are usually more consistent and responsive, but what I get from my relationship with her is rare
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It sounds like you divulge a lot of heavy stuff with her, like a stand-in for a therapist. Concentrating on your issues and trying to be helpful may drain her at times (if you're spending hours just talking about deep shit) and so she'll be reminded that hanging with you requires some energy. Thus, she's not always feeling that mood. Might want to hang with her and keep convo light, enjoyable, so she's not weighed down by expectation.
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>>8101676
Thats actually great advice. We usually do get into heavy stuff. It's mutual, but I think you're still right.
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>>8101666
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me, satan
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