Is it over guys?

damaged goods.

>>8015365
You have to learn to love yourself and not be so clingy, no one wants to be with a clingy person.

>>8015405
I don't think of myself as being clingy. I just hate being alone, and not able to do what I want to do. If I had the freedom to do it, I'd be much happier. But as time goes by it's just becoming more and more obvious, I'll never have that freedom, and will always be a commodity, not to be respected or loved but to be exchanged for whatever, I cannot live that life, and there's no one to save me from it. Every attempt has been shot down, I don't stand a chance.

I have no one to talk to and it's driving me insane.

>>8015446
Heres a rough plan OP that you might find better than killing yourself.

>get job
>save money
>gtfo whatever shitty town you are living in / away from your family / shitty dogmatic religion.
>move to big city
>meet cute bf / gf.
>build new relationships with people that care about you / allow you to be yourself.

>>8015467
Good stuff. Do this OP.

>>8015467
That sounds like a dream anon,
But
>I have money
>I have a job
>I have a degree
>I live in a big city
>My shitty family+community are across everywhere I can think of

The only option is to move countries, and I can't do that without causing an uproar. They will literally track me down.

I've tried doing it before about 5 times now, all they do is impose tougher restrictions on me to the point now where my life is a joke.

I could literally give up everything and move in a last ditch attempt, but then I may aswell be dead cause id be nothing.

theres also the emotional blackmail going on, and that makes it even harder to run, even though I want to.

That's my problem I guess, I can't move forward, or back into the dark. It seems like an easy life to live, but its not.

>>8015555
What? Are you in some kind of cult or something?

I'm confused why you can't just cut the fucking cord, you are an adult with a degree / money... Why not just sever ties and endure the inevitable shit-storm that will follow but ultimately become freer / happier because of it.

>all they do is impose tougher restrictions

Again, you are a fucking adult right? Sorry if it seems like i'm not being very considerate but if you have the means to live independently ultimately it seems like YOU are the one keeping yourself from being free.

>>8015579

kinda this.

also;

if ya need someone to vent to:

giddy_stella is my kik

>>8015579
>what? Are you in some kind of cult or something?

Pretty much, I guess you could say that. There not much difference. I'm from a conservative Muslim family. The only person I could tell was my mom and she said "don't worry son, I'll fix you by getting you married to a girl i pick for you".
Like I don't even get to choose who I get married to, and was raised to not say no to my parents. As a kid when I said no to little things like wanting to stay with friends playing outside, I was dragged inside, driven home, and beaten. Like full on, at the ages from 6-16. Punches, kicks etc.
I'm not weak, I fought back once, but that was a mistake, and I guess I've been put in my place since that day.

Now even as an adult, with the ability to be completely independent I cannot break free and go, it's more complicated than what I can put here into words, it's that I can't run because I think i don't want to despite it all. It's weird, and that's why I feel the only option is to end it.

>>8015642
You have Stockholm syndrome...

>>8015642
Islam.
I'm surprised your family hasn't killed you in an honor killing yet.

>>8015642
I'm sorry for not being as considerate as I should of OP, that sounds really rough.

Please don't kill yourself though.

>I'm not weak, I fought back once, but that was a mistake, and I guess I've been put in my place since that day.

I wasn't trying to imply / suggest you are weak, it's just hard for me rationalize your situation without coming off as kind of a dick, so sorry for that.

>it's more complicated than what I can put here into words, it's that I can't run because I think i don't want to despite it all.

>I feel the only option is to end it.

That seems a bit contradictory, if you don't want to free yourself from your dogmatic religion / family but ultimately see no other way forward besides suicide, maybe you are just too paralyzed to move forward right now?

You should consider talking to a therapist or maybe their is another anon on this board that has had experience breaking free from a super conservative religious family that can give you better advice.. I would say killing yourself is probably harder / less rewarding than the struggle that is to break free from a toxic family though.

>>8015660
How do I get rid of it? Is there a way?

>>8015672
I'm surprised too, but they're rich and want to use me as a tool instead of just killing me. I'm the eldest son and 1 of 2. Losing me means losing a potential dealing abroad.
I have that leverage over them, but I can't use it since I'd still be the loser in that case

>>8015682
No offence taken anon, im actually deeply and honestly grateful you took time out your day just to reply to my thread, I appreciate that a lot.

>maybe you are just too paralyzed to move forward right now?
I am, I can't move, I feel like I'm caged up yet I look like the most free person in the universe on the outside to others and can't signal to them I actually need help really badly, that makes it so much worse, imagine being kidnapped by terrorists and them making you say in a video "in fine please don't help me" and sending it to your family who then decide to not help you. That's the kind of feeling it is I guess, it's so painful, and even friends I had snitched on me, I cannot even trust myself anymore since I can't run.

I will try find a psychiatrist to talk to, I never considered this to be a mental health issue so that never really crossed my mind, thank you.

You're right, killing myself would definitely be less rewarding, since I can't be resurrected after my family is dead, I'd just be dead forever. I mean, it does seem like a slightly easier option to get out of this place though.

I can't sleep at night anymore, I cry atleast once every night, and I go out with a suit and a smile on my face in the morning. My life is a joke, and not even a funny one.

>>8015763
Aw anon your story makes me so sad, I'm sorry for the pain you are going though.

Please do see a licensed therapist of some kind to help sort out some of your problems, it sounds like you have a lot of emotional traumas surrounding your family. I hope things get better for you with time OP.

>>8015815
I really hope so anon. Thanks for the advice, I'll try and find a decent therapist,

but I was actually planning on killing myself tonight, in a way it looks like I didn't do suicide as to not hurt my parents honour.

If i did it like going out Infront of a passing vehicle, I might not die and it'd be painful. If I fell off a building it'd just be a suicide attempt, if I drank poison, also suicide. I don't want anyone else to be charged with murder or for me to be looking like I gave up, even though I kinda did.
Another day in waiting for this kinda shit life, is honestly quite exhausting, pretending to be happy and all that crap it makes me even more depressed everytime I do it, which is everyday.

>>8015875
>but I was actually planning on killing myself tonight,

No no no please don't do that, if you are that close to killing yourself you really do need to seek professional help sooner rather than later, I can give you a throw away email so we can talk if you start feeling the urge to kill yourself, I may not respond immediately because I'm usually at work most days of the week but I promise I will respond as quickly as I possibly can.

>>8015951
I wouldn't mind talking a little. That's very kind of you to offer, especially since you don't even have to, I'm just some stranger on the Internet.

I've calmed myself a little for now, I'm just thinking things over as is usual.

>>8015976
>I wouldn't mind talking a little.


Here is my email:
[email protected]

I have to be at work soon so I won't be able to talk until later tonight, if I don't respond until later thats why.

File: 1490371180800.png (351KB, 480x346px) Image search: [Google]

351KB, 480x346px

>>8015365
dont do suicide. stop being a pussy. go workout and get what you want in life. make it happen!

>>8015976
Random tranny here. Wishing you the best.

>>8015660
You can't spell stokholm syndrome without home