so ... why did you wait so long to transition ?

>age 24
>"What does HRT mean?"

>>7965389
Hons.

I didn't know transition was a thing growing up because I was heavily sheltered growing up and when I learned more about transit I was still convinced all trans people become hons no matter what and that I what I was feeling was just loneliness so getting a girlfriend would cure me

Years later I finally get a gf, dysphoria skyrockets and I learned not all trans people are hons and I began to pursue it.

I manage to pass pretty well despite my height so it wasn't that bad having to wait til 21 to transition but if I did when I first realized what was going on I'd probably be a lot cuter :/

>>7965389
Associating hospital with coming out = repression

TBQH I thought I could convince myself of my masculinity by being a stud and dom. started a cult and harem about myself and regularly beat the shit out of people for funsies. turns out no amount of videogame masculinity could make me feel less dysphoric or self loathing.

>>7965389
Repression route ftw.

>>7965433
When did you first realize?

>>7965443
Around age 16

>>7965452
In what ways would you have been cuter? Did you grow taller, etc. since then?

>>7965452
>First realize at 15
>Transition at 16
>Agp hons get out

>>7965433
I'm 21 now and going through this now still debating to transition. I've pretty much acted like a sarcastic asshole to everyone my whole life. How do you deal with that sudden 180.

>>7965462
I would've been a few inches shorter (I was shorter than my sister who is about 2 years younger than me at the time), I'd have a less masculine face, and I wouldn't have to deal with laser because I didn't have facial hair til I was nearly 19

>>7965500
>I was shorter than my sister who is about 2 years younger than me at the time
Girls have a growth spurt in their early teens/just before and are usually taller for a while then than similar age brothers.

>>7965487
Idk my friend group now is almost completely different from before transition and I guess I was lucky with my friends because they were all rather accepting. Parents have been a struggle because they don't believe I'm trans because of how I used to act to seem masculine, but my sisters were quick to accept me because they knew a good chunk of my personality was faked :/

>>7965500
How did your face in that time? And how tall are/were you?

>>7965541
change

>>7965528
>because they knew a good chunk of my personality was faked :/
How did they know?

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>>7965389
Mostly because of unrelated childhood trauma. But I don't even think I waited that long all things considered, (long by your standards though cara.)

>>7965389

You're starting to ask yourself the introspective questions now. Your days of asking fluff to distract yourself from the pain is now in the past. So, what is your answer? Why do you continue to wait so long to transition?

>>7965541
I had much softer features til around 20 and have a little bit of brow bossing that I didn't at 15
And I was probably 5'7" or 5'8" at the time now I'm 5'11"

>>7965550
Being around them a lot and seeing my longing at more feminine things like fancy soaps and makeup while trying my best to pretend to hate that stuff(that's my guess at least my sister that I'm closer to was one of the first people I came out to and she claimed to have suspected something of the like with me) , people also used to think I was gay in high school even though I thought I was cis het at the time

>>7965389
You know it's funny, when I finally came out to my mother 15mo into HRT I eventually found out she suspected I would be this way when I was a child, but refused to take me to a therapist.

It kills me. It kills me deep down in a painful place. What would my life have been like? Would I have kept having girls as friends? Would I have been beautiful? Would I not have been so freakishly tall? Looking at pictures of me as a child you can't tell if M or F, I had so much potential.

Yes eyes we're doing this again tonight. fml

had an abusive father and wasn't able to get away from him until after he tried to kill me at 17, then it took 7ish months to get on HRT due to ridiculous medical bureaucracy :(

>>7965585
Damn. I'm sorry to hear that, anon. When did you finally transition? Do you pass, at least? Do you resent your mom for this?

>>7965585
>but refused to take me to a therapist.
WHY

>>7965638
>not worthy anymore
Why not? You'll pass fine, cara. Forget the early transitioner memes. You don't have to have transitioned at 12 to pass. You've got the genetics for it.

>>7965615
I didn't start until I was 24, nearly 25. My mother did so much to try and make me be masculine, and my brother abused me so badly, that I didn't stop repressing until I was 23 almost 24.

I pass mostly? It's hard to tell. People can tell something is off sometimes, but I never have any problem using the ladies room. Nearly run into people in the doorway, get asked if I'm waiting in line, have the door held open for me, etc. so I can't be all bad. I'm 17mo in now and starting to pass more steadily, but if you interact with me long enough you'll eventually figure it out I think.

I do. I can't help it. I'm a bad person that just can't let go of grudges. Just as much as I'd push my brother off a cliff if given the chance for the years of abuse, I can't forgive that she "doesn't believe in" transsexuals. I mean a parent in 1990 in the southern US, that's expected I guess. But I cry every time I realize my own mother knew that I was unnaturally feminine from an early age and intentionally tried to push masculinity on me. It hurts. I hurt so much I feel sick.

>Most guys wish they were girls, and you can't just become a girl so you just need to get over it like everyone else

>>7965652
Wish I could hug you. It really sucks.

And no, you're not a bad person for resenting your mom for it. She screwed you over. If she just didn't get it, then "manning you up" might've just been her trying to help. But to understand what it was and yet still deny you a therapist, that's outright malicious. I wouldn't forgive her just for that. Why does it hurt so much, though? I mean, I don't blame you for it, but why that much?

Glad things are at least looking up now compared to before.

>>7965667
The sentiment feels nice anyway.

It hurts because I've never felt so betrayed in my life. I thought I was over it, and yet here I am thinking about it again when reading this thread and the knife is there all over again. Knowing that maybe some things would have been different. I wouldn't have burned years of my life wondering why I felt no emotions, like a burned out husk, like a static television, like an observer to someone else's life. It took so long to realize what the actual problem was. I wasted so much time slowly unraveling the repression in several stages.

They are. Maybe things will be alright. At least I feel a sense of peace at last. Life has color, I get lost in my emotions and enjoy every moment of it. Even the negative ones. Although that has opened up a new can of worms that I don't know what to do about.

I also learned from my mother a couple of days ago that I had a doll when I was little, and that I took "very good care of your baby". I vaguely remember it, too. It disappeared one day and I can't remember how or why. Shame I can't have children.

>>7965683
addendum: The doll thing was something I learned after my mother decided very confidently that letting me have it was a mistake and to blame for all of this.

>>7965389
>so ... why did you wait so long to transition ?
Growing up in the 90's with dumb ignorant parents. My mom took to me a child therapist for awhile and he asked me a bunch of questions and one of them was "do you feel like a boy or a girl?" and me saying "a boy that's silly to ask haha...." then he saw my face get red and ask why I was all nervous then wrote shit down in his book. He asked more questions about gender and sexuality and I just stood up and said I didn't wanna do this anymore and he said ok and lead me out. Then him and my mom talked for awhile and she said in the car while driving home "the therapist said he thinks you're hiding something, it better not be any weird shit or i'll put you in a place for crazy children".

Scared me straight.....straight into a hon.

>>7965691
how old did you transition?

>>7965389
I'm 23 still in the closet still trying hard to repress. For a while I thought it was a phase and would pass but it didn't. When I was 18 I didn't have dysphoria like I do now or I would've just transitioned. My dysphoria was completely tolerable back then and I literally thought I could live life with mild dysphoria. Turns out dysphoria got 100x worse I'm severely depressed and I doubt I would look passable ever. So basically now I don't know if I should just transition and probably look like shit or just wait a few more years and see if dysphoria gets better or worse. Suicide is always an option if life gets too shitty though.

>>7965665
who are you quoting?

>>7965389
>so ... why did you wait so long to transition ?
Mostly lack of info because growing up in the 90's early 2000's info still wasn't so available like it is now unless you count Susan's place or Laura's playground. Plus back in my day (before smartphones and everyone having fast internet before youtube etc) we played outside alot more. When I did get a chance to look up stuff online I found shemale porn and it was kinda weird to me but at the same time "wow that's a very realistic strap-on" not even realizing they were born male.

I even ordered breast/booty enlargement pills from somewhere and saw noticeable growth in my boobs so much that people at work (my first job at 16) started to notice and one girl walked up to me and asked "are you growing boobs?" lol. Little did I know the pills were herbal estrogens so like without even realizing what a trans person was I knew I wanted to change my body to female.

>>7965728
I think she's just stating her reason for repressing.

>>7965722
What caused the dysphoria to get worse? How did you change between 18 and 23? Do people really change that much after puberty but before aging?

>>7965737
I think it was because I looked pretty andro at 18 and I got a lot more masc looking during those years . I couldn't tell you exactly though.

>>7965703
25...at least I didn't wait until 50 haha....

*screams internally*

>>7965665
this
and i'm a fem guy that cds

I didn't know 18 was too late.

>>7965745
Did you turn out ok?

Is 19 too late to start transitioning ?
I just want to look androgynous.

>>7965791
If you're not too manly now, you should be fine. Just do it soon. Sometimes people enter a second puberty of sorts in their 20s. That's why mid 20s+ look so honnish.

if one could choose,
why would anyone pick the hard-mode life of a trans person?

>>7965389
I live in a homophobic/transphobic shithole. When I grew up, I knew almost nothing about trans people. I thought that "sex change" was a single plastic surgery that turns a man into a fake woman and costs an astronomical amount of money, so only very rich gays can afford it.
Don't remember most of my emotions before 17. I have vague memories of my life before that point, but don't feel any connection to it. It's like it all happened to someone else and I just watched the recording.
My first memories of dysphoria were when I was 19. Soon after that I also discovered I was bi. I didn't know what "transgender" was back then, so I thought that it was a unique anomaly of my mind.
Found out about the concept of "transgender" when I was 23. Realized it applied to me. Discovered that transition was a thing, but thought I could never pass so convinced myself I should just repress and live the rest of my life as a man. I was also convinced that all MtFs become hysterical crazies on HRT, similar to the worst stereotypes about women.
Finally got around to treating my severe depression when I was 24. Also discovered some trans communities on reddit. Saw timelines and discussions there. Realized successful transition was possible for me and that you can be on HRT and still stay a sane reasonable person.
Got my first full-time job 4 months later, started HRT 3 months after that.

i was having too much sex with women.

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Here's your (You)

>>7965815
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO

>>7965389
Because I'm AGP and the trans community denies Blanchardianism.

I fucking hate trannies for this, I could've transitioned in early puberty if I knew that AGP would lead to more dysphoria.

Because when I was little and I asked my parents if boys could become girls they sent me to therapy and put me on Ritalin so I spent most of elementary school looking like a seven year old crack whore

>>7965389
I had told my parents come that im a girl at 4 or 5 but they shut down any notion of that that was in 92 or 93. I grew up thinking trans where the transvestites from Jerry springer and since my family would call me crazy I believed I was wrong for thinking the way I do. I was abused at 13 and almost raped, my family blamed it on the fact I was so feminine and wanted to be a girl , and I believed them and wanted to repress. Tried suicide at 15, finally figured about real transwoman at 22 or 23 and found the people on youtube talking about hrt and how to diy. I started at 22 but was on and off because of family issues. Stayed on blockers at 24 to 25 and 26 I started full hrt again. I wish started earlier but there was no info and was honestly afraid. Looking back though I wish I would of fought harder for who I was .

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>>7965831
did you write pic related or was that a different agp-who-hates-the-community-because-it-lied-to-them? ('early puberty' implies different)

>>7965389
My parents are awful and I would have had to pay for college on my own if I did it then. After I left the house I never spoke to them again. I'm still angry and it's been over five years.

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>>7965722
youre exactly me. mild dysphoria at 18-20. got worse and worse as my mind developed into adulthood. at 23 i was cursing the earth and god and whatever and decided i finally have to transition. went through a lot of therapy and even started hrt until i panicked and quit taking them. now im 25 and guess what. still in the closet.

i keep telling myself im going to finally fully come out and transition by the end of 2017, but who the fuck knows. all i know is that I WILL end up being a hon someday. be it tomorrow or at age 50.

what a life

>>7965857
I didn't.

>>7965389
I didn't know hormones were a thing until 20. I always thought that it was just getting your penis/balls removed and replaced and growing your hair out.

When I did find out that HRT was a thing I actually cried and got researching asap when I calmed down

>>7965389
>knew at 14
>had abusive father so had to wait until leaving for uni to self-med
>after starting uni realised I still had to go back for summer and xmas holidays and wasn't sure whether I'd be able to avoid moving back in with him after uni so pussied out
>by the start of third year of uni housing options became more clear and was now suicidal from dysphoria, so started self-medding with the aim of moving out the next summer, which I did
>came out last autumn, father flipped his shit as expected but I live in the next county so lol sucks to be him

>>7965831
>I fucking hate trannies for this,
They don't all deny the typology.

Is transitioning really even worth it? It seems like taking hormones is just a temporary solutioni

>>7965831
You're a hon and AGP are creepy hons. The studies prove they extra masculine and sex crazed so they aren't Trans.

We should have kept you out better. We don't need pervertred hon men like you infiltrating our movement.

>>7966535
A temporary solution to what? Why would it not solve dysphoria for good?

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>>7965389
I fear being a hon. I accept I will be. I just want to be seen as a girl, even if it means I'm very ugly. What matters is that I try my best and to be who I am.

>>7966556
AGPs are fine!

>>7966647
He blames his failure on others thinks everyone else here should have been running over to give him meds the hon in >>7965857 is even worse with his king complex. Why is it they all act like alpha males who have the drive to dominate others and establish themselves into toll of wherever they go?

>>7966647
>doesn't recognize rv-chan
>>7966196
yeah, i figured you weren't
there's a growing community of people like you out there
here's the blogger who wrote it:
http://unremediatedgender.space/
maybe get in touch?

>>7966647
And AGP reach peak vritility much faster so odds are >>7965857
And >>7965831 would have been Hons even if they went early

I didnt understand myself, i played as female for years in roleplay games. Had loads of friends who turned out trans and kept being around them. But they never suggested to me being trans or shit. Eventually i got a 180 and realised how fucked im in the head.

>>7966682
Source?

>>7966672
>He blames his failure on others
t. person who defines themselves by having gotten raped

>>7966824
I never did

>>7966556
AGPs are trutrans. Blanchard himself says so.

The trans movement is AGPs. You could never have created a movement by yourselves.

>>7966998
>Blanchard himself

How Dare YOU?!
Blanchard is a WOMAN!!

>>7967036
>admitting AGPs are women