Should I Detransition?

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>>7949711
2/2


Taking HRT also means that I no longer have daily panic attacks about aging like a man / in general HRT has also lessened some of my dysphoria, however I know that twinkhon status can only last for so long. Eventually my boobs will get too big / affects of HRT will push me to the point that my "transness" becomes obvious to everyone I interact with in public, something which I have always desperately wanted to hide.


Basically this seems to leave me with four options:

1. Stop taking HRT and repress / accept life as a male and find value in life through other means besides transition. (This seems very unlikely to work in my case.)

2. Accept life as a non passing MtF and learn to cope with not being able to "blend" with the rest of society / stick out everywhere I go. (This also doesn't sound like it would work in my case, I don't really see any value in transitioning from M to non-passing trans female, though it does sound better than option 1 / 4.)

3. Risk getting FFS and potentially still not passing after it / having a botched operation / confront one of my biggest fears (FFS) and potentially pass well enough to my standards after, or be in the same spot as before physically (not passing to my standards) and 10-15k poorer. (This seems like the riskiest option of the 3 but the one with the highest reward as well.)

4. Kill myself. (I'm not actually going to do this for many reasons, I felt it was necessary to include this option so you idiots will hopefully not spam this thread with suggestions to kill myself.)
MtFs that have been through what I'm going through / are in my shoes / have suggestions, how do you think I should proceed in life, Are there other ways forward I'm not thinking of?

I am in very similar circumstances. i use an 'alpha' male personality, as a matter of fact, to come out to everyone as trans. you're just still feeling a little insecure, you probably want to go with 3 because hey, your life is worthless anyway.

post pics

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>>7949747
>you probably want to go with 3 because hey, your life is worthless anyway.

Hmm yeah sometimes I try to rationalize it like that, though for some reason I almost feel like I am too paralyzed with fear to ever commit to FFS, even though at this point its only a distant reality.
>>7949758
I'm this anon.

>>7949722
3. If it doesn't make you passable keep presenting as an even fem'mer boy.

>>7949722
just stay male. Even if you achieve your ultimate goal, how would you be any happier? If being a woman is the only way you feel you can have value in life, you're just going to be depressed again anyway.

>>7949784
Please kiss me

>>7949784
you have one of the faces that ffs will make ideal. pretty andro femme now nose and butt chin and youre golden and i am pretty critical. also gain 5 pounds.

>>7949722
In regards to FFS, I think my best advice would be to take it slowly and don't do too much at once. I really don't like the idea of going in for "full FFS" and getting 12 hours of cosmetic procedures in one go. Facial features need to be in harmony with one another, and when you do everything at once, this is not an easy thing to accomplish, leaving an uncanny valley vibe. Research the individual FFS procedures, figure out what you actually need done, research the hell out of it, and get 1-2 procedures at one time, max. I think this leads to better FFS results in many people. The downside to this is that it will take longer than getting it all done at once, and you will have to pay more facility and anastesia fees since you are getting it done in pieces.

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>>7949792
True but what if I end up like skullchan and can no longer pass as a man / woman or I look even uglier than before? Also, again eventually too much time on HRT will make it impossible for me to not present as trans, so my time presenting as a boy will always be finite. >>7949793
>Even if you achieve your ultimate goal

When did I ever say successfully transitioning from male to female is my "ultimate goal" in life? Of course there are other things I want to do besides be able to present as the gender I identify with. Transition is just a necessary step to take in order to actualize other goals.
>>7949799
Here have a (You) kiss anon.
>>7949806
>you have one of the faces that ffs will make ideal.
>butt chin

Yeah my chin fucks me, I appreciate the feedback but it's difficult for me to believe you, and yeah I've been trying to lose weight for a bit so I can gain some back for better fat redistribution cause I was an idiot and gained a bunch of weight out of stress right before I started HRT.

>>7949913
Nu uh i want you to be my transbian gf

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>>7949913
You don't have to believe me but you don't really have any choices to make, ya dig?
I'm not a cultist saying you NEED to transition or NEED ffs, but just look at the utility, you're better off transitioning. passing is a meme btw and i'm not a hon who means 'i dont pass'

>>7949711
I tried detransitioning at 22 when I first got on hrt because my family kind of went crazy and I had to help out and got off hormones. The thing is It doesn't go away I got back on hormones at like 24 or 25 but just blockers then full hrt at 26 again but I just furthered my progress. Idk if this helps but these feelings won't go away at least for me it didnt. I know there are some people here that have or say that have done it so there might be a way from my experience though it didn't help and made my life hell.

>>7949913
Who is skull chan?

>>7949904
>I think my best advice would be to take it slowly and don't do too much at once.

Thanks anon I never thought of it like that, I think that will take some of the stress of FFS away if I look at it in pieces rather than one huge operation.

>Research the individual FFS procedures, figure out what you actually need done, research the hell out of it, and get 1-2 procedures at one time, max.

How do I best research where to go for FFS / what procedures I need? Right now I feel like my chin is really what fucks me over the most, but again it's hard for me to objectively judge what I need / don't need.

Also again thanks for responding anon that was a really helpful post.


>>7949936
>You don't have to believe me but you don't really have any choices to make, ya dig?

Yeah I know... I'm well aware at least in my case repression will never work,

>passing is a meme btw and i'm not a hon who means 'i dont pass'

Why do you think passing is a meme? How can you say that especially if you think you do pass, which from this picture it seems like you do / I'm assuming you do think you pass, Isn't that kind of unfair for you to say?

>>7949945
Yeah I know I can't repress and be happy, I would probably end up killing myself if I tried that route to be honest.
>>7949977
skullchan is a mtf on this board that payed iirc 60k on FFS from supposedly one of the best FFS surgeons in the world who is now retired and according to her still doesn't pass / believes in general FFS is a total scam because FFS doesn't fix issues such as differences in skull sizes / proportions between natal males and females.

it seems from the way you worded pt 2 that your most likely route is option 3. Option 1 and 4 should be out of the question.
Option 3 is perhaps the riskiest yes, but better to take a risk towards happiness than remain miserable, right?
Gay girl here btw, you're gorgeous, seem super intelligent and sweet. Please dont consider suicide even for a second!

>>7949784
Do you have any before pics for comparison? Ide love to see what 8 months progress looks like. Plus I think you could make a pretty cure grill if you actually got a girly haircut or something.

>>7950017
that picture is a cis woman. the concept of passing is a meme.

>>7950059
A lesbian not telling a mtf to suicide? You are rare and bless your heart.

Same. I look androgynous/young but FFS will not work on my face because my midface is slightly outside the female range so why bother. FFS can't fix longfaces/horsefaces.

t. another twinkhon

>>7949793
Shut up you cumface. You don't know what you're talking about.

>>7949722
Stay a dude but continue taking estrogen. That's what I am doing, famicon.

>>7949784
You actually look like a woman I know, but more cute. FFS would make you top notch anon

>>7950114
>because my midface is slightly outside the female range
Is there a chart I can see for this? I think my midface is pretty long but I'm still delusional to think I'll pass. I'm going to start my hormones soon.

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>>7950059
Yeah I feel that option 3 may be my best route as well, even if it terrifies me just thinking about FFS, thanks anon.
>>7950078
Sure I can post this picture I guess, I think this was taken around 4 months before I started HRT. it's probably not as brutally honest as you would like but in general I hate my appearance and therefor take few pictures of myself / dislike the idea of having especially bad pre hrt pictures of myself posted here. I also should note that I was on meme levels of spiro / estradiol until somewhat recently so the effects of HRT might be more pronounced for you.
>>7950114
> FFS can't fix longfaces/horsefaces.

I don't think I have what you would describe as a "long face / horseface" not to say I don't have other problems that keep me from passing as well as I would like right now, I'm sorry anon, I really am.

>>7950129
Yeah I will never stop HRT but I hate to break it to you friend, as I said in my original post eventually the effects of HRT will become impossible to hide (boobs.) As much as I hate to admit it my time in the closet is limited.

>>7950086
>the concept of passing is a meme.

Maybe by your definition, but how do you know we share the same definition of passing?
Also I have interacted with plenty of MTFS that pass extremely well by my standards so I'm fairly confident the goals I've set for myself are somewhat realistic.

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>>7950141
I am not sure but you can play around with PS and see that manipulating midface makes plenty of difference even if your features are feminine.

>>7950166
>the effects of HRT will become impossible to hide
That's bullshit my pham. Trannies will never get anything bigger than A cup which is pretty easy to cover.

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>>7950187
Okay so explain to me how I can hide my boiboobs in public 3-4 months from now when its 100 degrees outside? Even if they are still relatively small by summer I'll be completely fucked by next summer I can guarantee that.

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>>7950166
>I'm sorry anon, I really am.
Sorry for what? It's not your fault, bby. Since my other features are okay (weak chin, not so prominent browbone, big eyes, long eyelashes) I usually pass for a 40 year old woman, lol.

>>7950209
Sports bra, bra.

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>>7950166
> I hate my appearance and therefor take few pictures of myself / dislike the idea of having especially bad pre hrt pictures of myself posted here.
Yea same here. I had only taken a few photos for facebook along time ago, and my best friend said I was posing like a girl so I deleted them all. I've literally avoided photos my whole life, always thinking I'm as ugly as can be while being told I'm handsome from time to time. But I posted my pics on here a few times and only got some constructive criticism and was told I have potential.

I think if your cheeks fill out, you'll be very cute. I doubt you even need ffs to pass honest. I think the problem is we see these absolutely stunning women, and think we have to be as good looking and them to pass, but Ive seen plenty of women uglier than alot of t-girls. Plus, if even if I dont personally pass, I already know I look pretty Andro and attract gay men as is. You just need to learn to live your features.

>>7950209
Also, you look like someone I went to school with. McNeil high, no?

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>>7950216
Oh well in that case, congrats. I thought you were implying from your first post you don't pass / believe FFS is a total scam for your facial structure and therefor see no way forward in regards to passing.

>>7950222
lol whatever you say friend.

>>7950231
Yeah you are definitely right I know at time I have created unrealistic expectations for myself in regards to what qualifies as a "successful transition." To be honest deep down I hope that I won't need FFS to pass, I could live with being a somewhat wonky looking woman as long as I wouldn't have to deal with being mis-gendered all the time / people immediately being able to recognize my "transness" with very little effort. The way I see it though is that I would rather assume that I will never pass without FFS and therefor continue working towards that goal while HRT continues to change my face / body and so if (which I suspect will be the case) a year from now I don't pass to my standards I will have something to fallback on. Thanks for the feedback though anon.
>>7950269
Nope.

>>7950187
O rly even herbs can give u bigger. http://www.ainterolherbs.com/forums/Thread-1-full-year-on-3000-mg-PM-results

>>7950285
> I could live with being a somewhat wonky looking woman as long as I wouldn't have to deal with being mis-gendered all the time / people immediately being able to recognize my "transness" with very little effort

Same here. I'm worried about my low brow and my nose being a bit big. I see myself in the mirror and think, "what a fucking hon. Ugly beast, just off yourself"
But then other times, I'll see women with the same features, and realize I'm not that bad (or even better in most alot of cases). The only thing I've noticed almost all women have that I don't, is that high brow ridge. Yours looks good so your fine lol.

Plus, these women have been living they're entire lives with these flaws and how found out how to shape their hair and makeup to hide their flaws (which haircut is best for having a big nose, whether they look good with bangs or ugly). The more I pay attention to how co-workers take care of themselves, the more I see them having the same issues with perception, even the pretty ones. That's why no matter how many times they hear it, telling them they're pretty is always appreciated. Atleast that's how I think they feel, becouse I know I love hearing about how amazing my eyes and lips and hair are. I even had a group of about 7 preeteens come in and tell me how pretty my curly hair and eyes were. I literally never forget that kind of stuff.

>>7949722
Do option 2

The point of transitioning isn't to blend into society. It's to blend into yourself. Ya feel? It's about trying to be the person you see yourself as.

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>>7950396
It's not that simple anon, but I see where you are coming from.

>>7950059
Dang I wish there were more cis les like you on this board

The other meanies make me feel bad :(

>>7949784
you can easily pass wearing ~subtle~ makeup and actually trying

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>>7950731
Thanks for your feedback but I don't think thats true.

>>7950169
Right still looks unmistakably like a girl though

>>7950777
I never saw you other than that pic and I have no reason to hug box you. take the compliment.

I do know what it's like to have such low self esteem that others tell me I look okay and I can't believe them. but IDK if that's your case

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>>7951045
>I never saw you other than that pic and I have no reason to hug box you. take the compliment.

Right now it isn't uncommon for me to be gendered male without using my voice in public so I'm fairly certain that I would not pass if I were to use makeup / "try." I know you have no reason to hugbox me and that 4chan is notorious for priding itself for being brutally honest (which I appreciate,) but I've found that it's easier to accept twinkhon status for now and work on other things like voice / electrolysis when I can afford it / other stuff, it's easier to make it through the day / deal with presenting male when I affirm to myself that in these circumstances I can't pass to people in real life so I guess thats why I may seem deflective.

>I do know what it's like to have such low self esteem that others tell me I look okay and I can't believe them. but IDK if that's your case.

It's hard to say I probably still have some issues with my self image but overall I'd say I'm pretty realistic.

>>7951396
if I were you I'd let your hair grow out to at least shoulder length

if given the chance at being cis, why would anyone choose the life of a trans person?