tfw fell for the take estrogen but stay a man socially meme

>>7933643
Just do the social transition already.

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>>7933643
If you're convinced you look like a lesbian while presenting male, you probably pass well enough and should start presenting as female.

>>7933643
How long has it been? I am on the same road as you, just been a month.

>>7933660
You can be obviously feminized/trans without passing. Hips and boobs vs face.

>>7933643
your post gave me a boner

>>7933643
Do you actually look like a weird lesbian or are you just more conscious of your body than other people are?

People don't look too hard at each other.

>>7933707
>People don't look too hard at each other.
I take a good hard look at anybody in the same room with me.

Is this why people are uncomfortable around me?

>>7933656
What if no one hires me and I end up homeless and die?

>>7933660
Men's dress clothes make me look more feminine. Regular clothes make me look kind of androgynous but still a guy (with boobs). My face isn't the most masculine, just... odd.

>>7933665
3 years.

>>7933690
This

>>7933692
Creepy old men look at me weird now sometimes too. The leer.

>>7933707
My body shape doesn't fit with men's dress clothes. If I don't tuck in my shirts, then boobs can be hidden better, but if I have to tuck my shirts in then it shows my hips and boobs, and there isn't really any way around it. I've gotten "thanks ladies/girls" and "she" a few times recently when with my girl teammates visiting new people. I'm wearing all men's dress clothes though. They probably think I'm a dyke.

>>7933738
are you insinuating im a creepy old man or are you saying that to point out how much more your life resembles a doujinshi so that i'm further turned on?

>>7933643
>>suddenly be in program that requires professional dress
What's the program?

I think we need a pic, OP. Hide face if you want

>>7933738
>What if no one hires me and I end up homeless and die?
You'll obviously be able to make a living.

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>>7933774
Something that a gender confused non-cis-het faggot shouldn't be pursuing.

>>7933764
Both? I don't know. Some creepy men give off the "i'm storing this image of you in my memory so I can jack off later" look. I never got that before.

>>7933802
Pics make me depressed af. Picture pic related but bigger shoulders without muscles, and smaller hips, dressed in male dress pants and button-up shirt. Not that my boobs are that big, but tucking in the shirt makes them stick out.

>>7933813
If I fail this I'm probably going to an hero before going homeless, tbqh.

>>7933738
>3 years.
Hey, can you share if you have any social experiences related to this. I mean, you really haven't had any issues living as a man up until now? Are there any awkward stories you have?

I just want to know what can I expect in the future.

>>7933835
No way you get looks like that wearing hoodies.

>>7933835
You sound cute desu. Post pic op

>>7933843
Can't go swimming. People think I'm underage. Male friends are more gentle with me. Women smile at me more and act more friendly. My dad said that he would personally threaten a car mechanic if they fucked me over on a service. My mom sends me recipes and cheesy inspirational quotes. Overhear guys saying things like "I think that was a dude", and sometimes do that jokey stuff the do with each other when they're talking about girls within hearing distance but think they can't hear. But, I'm never totally sure. Get surprised looks when I introduce myself as "boyname" with boy voice, but again might be reading too much into facial expressions. Got called chica and amiga accidentally by a classmate who has known me for a couple years now. Ordered food to be delivered, bought extra for leftovers, and the delivery guy handed me the healthy food and said "here's yours", and then the unhealthy food and said "and here's your boyfriend's". I was alone. A few weeks ago, my manager even said, "this is boyname, she'll be here to..." when introducing me and didn't even correct herself. Other times I get gendered male right away. I'm not out to anyone except my family and two of my friends.

>>7933858
They make me look smaller. The looks have happened in dyke mode too. Last week, a guy at the bank started chatting me up when I was in my unflattering men's winter jacket. At first it was just small talk, then the complements started...

>>7933886
I wish.

P I C S
I
C
S

>>7933986
There are plenty of hon pics on the internet already.

>>7933986
this, immediately

>>7934039
Hons only get pity passed.

>>7934045
>>7934059
Hons are also delusional and read too much into situations where they think they pass (i.e. exactly what is happening with me). I can't let delusions and wishful thinking convince me to make a fool of myself.

>>7933969
>Male friends are more gentle with me.
How so?

>Women smile at me more and act more friendly.
How are they more friendly besides smiling?

>My dad said that he would personally threaten a car mechanic if they fucked me over on a service. My mom sends me recipes and cheesy inspirational quotes.
Surprising that your parents treat you differently on account of your appearance instead of according to your personality and your relationship with them.

>Ordered food to be delivered, bought extra for leftovers, and the delivery guy handed me the healthy food and said "here's yours", and then the unhealthy food and said "and here's your boyfriend's". I was alone.
Bit sexist of him!

>At first it was just small talk, then the complements started...
What compliments?

>>7934075
>and read too much into situations where they think they pass (i.e. exactly what is happening with me).
You get called "she" and people assume you have a boyfriend...

>>7934089
>How so?
They don't roughhouse with me anymore. The more alpha guys will tell other guys not to do anything to me when they're being jackasses together.

>How are they more friendly besides smiling?
Less standoffish. Less censorship of periods, gynecological things, boyfriends/husbands, and other topics they don't generally talk about around guys.

>Surprising that your parents treat you differently on account of your appearance instead of according to your personality and your relationship with them.
Our relationship has changed too. Even my grandpa who used to give me shit for not being masculine enough didn't say anything when my dad and I stayed with him for a weekend and I did all the kitchen work, and drink running, and didn't talk about football with them.

>Bit sexist of him!
Sort of. He's not totally off base though. Many guys here think eating a vegetable will make them into a woman.

>What compliments?
Just about the field of work I'm going into. Must be smart, the world needs more, you're gonna be amazing, then I excused myself. The looks and pauses in between though, which is what made it feel different than small talk from some guy who's just being chatty.

>>7934102
I still get quite a few definitive "sirs" as well. Don't want to be too optimistic here.

>>7934089
>How are they more friendly besides smiling?
And just talking more in general.

>>7934239
>They don't roughhouse with me anymore. The more alpha guys will tell other guys not to do anything to me when they're being jackasses together.
That sounds nice, really. So it's like being a girl hanging out with them? Do they self-censor the way they would around a girl too, less swearing or whatever?

>Our relationship has changed too.
How so?

>and I did all the kitchen work, and drink running, and didn't talk about football with them.
Cute.

>>7933738
> I've gotten "thanks ladies/girls" and "she" a few times recently when with my girl teammates visiting new people. I'm wearing all men's dress clothes though. They probably think I'm a dyke.
You literally pass, dumbass. Just transition.

>>7933986
>>7933969
I need to see a picture of this. Your claiming that in some sort of cosmic injustice. . . YOU, the one person on HRT who takes it as a joke, or w.e and doesn't want to transition is passing perfectly, and complaining about being a hon.

Post pics faggot.

>>7934325
>That sounds nice, really. So it's like being a girl hanging out with them? Do they self-censor the way they would around a girl too, less swearing or whatever?
It's mainly one guy who drives it, and the others sort of follow him. I don't really like hanging out with the other guys anyways. He said he would stop using chewing tobacco if I told him to or thought it was gross. Asks if I'm okay, or cold. Plays my favorite bands on the jukebox, and tells me he did it because they're my favorite. Buys the same drinks as me. Things like that.

>How so?
I'm more chill. My dad doesn't push me to do guy shit. My mom says I'm basically turning into her, like in the way I react to stuff, and she sees my brother as "the son" now rather than both of us as sons if that makes sense.

>Cute.
I did it mainly because I was bored and didn't want to watch football, and we probably would have eaten nothing but processed shit and pizza if it was up to them to decide.

>>7934409
>and she sees my brother as "the son" now rather than both of us as sons if that makes sense.
Yup. How has your brother taken it?

>>7933643
I know how it is, op, I'm in a similar situation. I'm not really feminine, but after years of mones, my skin, hair and overall look improved and I get lots of looks because I look a bit like a male model.

I'm still a bit lucky that a sports bra is able to hide my tits, but FUCK, I miss being able to use white shirts, they make the bra fucking obvious, and If i'm not using it, anyone can notice my boobs. Can't never use T-shirts in public also, they make it obvious, even with the bra.

>>7934402
I didn't take hrt as a joke. I've felt trans since I was in kindergarten. It's just that I felt like I was too masculine to ever pass, and don't really have any social support for it, and only saw scary hons locally who I didn't want to become, so I gave up on that dream. My mom and dad who know still call me boyname, he, etc., and never really acknowledge the tranny thing, but they do treat me differently.

>>7934363
I have no actual social support. My mom and dad agree that I'll never look like a girl. The two friends who I'm out to didn't object when I said I was too masculine to ever pull off a successful transition. Support groups are full of hugboxing hons and therefore not helpful. I don't trust my therapist or endo. Spiegel visibly cringed when he saw me for a consult.

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I feel like it's going to be hard to get a cute pure girl to marry me, or explain my tits and still have a shred of respect

>>7933737
No people are probably uncomfortable with you because they can sense how uncomfortable you are about something

>>7934447
>>7934447
Post pics, I'm genuinely curious. If it's just the face being too masc you can get FFS for that, if you've got a gigantic head that might be a harder proposition. If you've got a gigantic body, there are women with larger bodies, but it's all situational. So post pics so we can judge you and determine whether you are a hon freak or not. There is no hugboxing here, it's 4chan for christs sake

>>7934430
He doesn't talk to me anymore.

>>7934431
Exactly. I'm still surprised when women complement my skin and shiny hair when their's is much better.

>>7934453
I feel the same way. My only hope is this one bi girl.

>>7934447
>My mom and dad who know still call me boyname
Do you go by a girl name at all?

>I don't trust my therapist or endo.
Why not?

>>7934447
>spiegel visibly cringed
I find that super hard to believe this is a man who's done work on tons of Hons look at his website lol. It sounds like bullshit well the whole thing does actually you can't look like a hon and be treated female life doesn't work like that and from what you are "describing" you would not get that kind of reaction from people if you look like a dude in a dress lol. But the spiegel thing is bullshit I had a skype consult and never once reacted the way you described and I didn't even wear make up had five o'clock shadow from being inbetween laser treatments.

>>7934447
>My mom and dad agree that I'll never look like a girl.
Everybody's parents say that.

>The two friends who I'm out to didn't object when I said I was too masculine to ever pull off a successful transition.
Probably cause you're BDD is annoying.

>Support groups are full of hugboxing hons and therefore not helpful.
True.

>I don't trust my therapist or endo.
Clearly they're doing a pretty good job.

>Spiegel visibly cringed when he saw me for a consult.
BDD

I really don't know how you can male fail so much and think you don't at least have a shot.

>>7934557
My mom and I discussed it a couple times, but nothing ever stuck. It feels silly when I'm so masculine. Like, "teehee call me Jessica" or whatever. It makes me hate myself. My medical team are hugboxers, and I know for a fact they have a low bar on what they see as "successful" transitions.

>>7934562
>I find that super hard to believe this is a man who's done work on tons of Hons look at his website lol. It sounds like bullshit

It was at a trans health conference a few years ago where he gave a talk and did free consults. I was standing in a hallway with a few other trannies waiting in line to see him. Everyone was shorter than me and smaller (bone structure-wise, I'm not fat). When he called me into the consult room, I got up, and could see his face cringe. He was nice during the consult, but that initial cringe is something I won't forget. Unless it had to do with me being Germanic and him being a Jew, but I doubt it.

>>7934597
I don't know. I look okay in the mirror, but I'm not photogenic, so that doesn't help me either. I really don't know how I look and think I look like a goon, so I don't want to make a fool of myself. Even if people are nice to me, and seem attracted I think it's bullshit. I was bullied a lot about my appearance in high school which adds to the fuckedupness of the whole situation.

Post your fucking picture. Based onf everything you have said here you are either making up the bulk of it or are just a horrible judge of the way you actually look.

You have 41 posts in this thead already speculating on the way you look. Just fucking deliver already. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Or just stop posting entirely and let this fade away and stop clogging up the board with fiction.

You are either a hon

Or you pass.

Post pics.

>>7934562
I'm not saying that he's mean or that I fault him for it. It was likely a natural reaction to seeing me.

>>7934750
I agree wit this anon.

Atleast censor your eyes if your worried about privacy.

Either post a pic and stop jerking us around or you are LARPing and we should ignore you

>>7934750
I don't have a smartphone because I never wanted to do the selfie thing because ugly, and I avoid pics from others as much as possible. It literally makes me suicidal. You'll have to take my word for it.

I have to go to bed anyways.

I fell for that meme too and know all those feels, feels bad man. I get the boy fails that happen too but I know it's still too scary to take the plunge even if people accidentally refer to you as she 20% of the time or act surprised to find out you're a dude. Newtrannies won't understand because they actually believe all the crap about hrt being a miracle and they're all deluded that they're going to be indistinguishable from women someday

>>7934666
>It feels silly when I'm so masculine. Like, "teehee call me Jessica" or whatever. It makes me hate myself.
as a repressor iktf.

>>7934796
>>7934810
Thank you.

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>>7934781
>I don't have a smartphone
>I avoid pics from others as much as possible.
>You'll have to take my word for it.
>I have to go to bed anyways.

Shows over folks. eLARP confirmed. This useless fuck, doesn't claim to have a single picture of themselves.

That all sounds like excuses to me, and now they are running away. Classic.

10/10 bait.

>>7934519
>>7934453
so you're trans to be a lesbian, seems unnesessary

>>7934952
>implying that's how it works

>>7935019
>implying you're not delusional
it's obvious this whole trans thing isn't working out for these guys, it's like they dug themselves into a hole with no chance of happiness

>>7934884
Have you ever thought that maybe some people don't like the idea of having images of themselves floating around the internet, especially on a place like 4chan?

>>7935555
Wasted quads but I agree with you

>>7934952
>tfw watched too much lesbian porn

>>7935590
S-sorry.

>>7934409
>It's mainly one guy who drives it, and the others sort of follow him. I don't really like hanging out with the other guys anyways. He said he would stop using chewing tobacco if I told him to or thought it was gross. Asks if I'm okay, or cold. Plays my favorite bands on the jukebox, and tells me he did it because they're my favorite. Buys the same drinks as me. Things like that.

Take this with a grain of salt since I'm a virgin, but I think he likes in you a romantic way.

You're probably also BDD.

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>>7934952
>tfw watched too much anime

>>7935521
Bitch the hole was dug at birth. We are handicapped. Do you think for one fucking moment that anyone would choose this? Would you?

The reason we wait so long to transition is we spend our young lives doing/trying everything we fucking can to avoid being trans. Eventually a breakdown happens and we realize that we have the option of ending it, or doing our best to live a close facsimile to what our lives might have been.

I would give anything to be the cis lesbian I have always felt I am. To take my life from being nothing but struggle to effortless fem existence.

I am a woman. I know that. It's not a feeling. It isn't anything to do with what I am wearing or if I pass or not.

I am a woman.

I am just cursed with this existence. Did I make fun of dudes in a past life, and now am cursed to be an object of scorn myself? I don't know.

What I do know is that I won't stop fighting to be myself. If you don't respect trans-women you don't respect women. We struggle. We take your hate. We hear you calling us mentally ill the whole works. We still stay true to what we are. I am sure some cis women would have crumbled if put under the pressure we face.

They don't have to question things. Their identity is handed to them on a silver platter.

We have to fight the mindfuck that is our existence. Our own self doubt. The doubt cast on us by the rest of society.

We didn't do anything wrong. We were born. The next time you think to shit on us. Please consider that it is like beating up/shitting on a disabled person because that is what we are.

All we want is tolerance, and love. Sometimes from men. Sometimes from women. We have the same combinations of orientation as cis people do.

>>7935555
If they didn't want to be an attention whore in a thread they created entirely about the way they look. Then they shouldn't have made a thread in the first place.

Not expecting someone to ask for an example of what they look like on the IMAGE BOARD they are posting in, is just idiocy.

>>7935666
It's also anonymous, dick.

>>7934952
Do you think a straight guy would go for a boy/girl thing? Gay/bi males are too effeminate, plus I'm tired of being around guys so much at this point anyways. Which leaves my bi girl friend with a masculine personality, or someone like her as the only options.

>>7934884
It was bedtime. I honestly don't have any that I can upload from my shit phone. I got bullied a lot in high school for my faggy/ugly facial features, and I can't really imagine anyone would really be attracted to me, and it ruins my mood if I see myself in a picture. My skin is too soft for a male now, but the bone structure of a male is still there. Fuck off.

>>7935521
It was either start taking hormones to fend off further masculinization or suicide. I gave life a chance.

>>7935555
This too.

>>7935597
He's dating a girl now. If someone was actually interested in me, it might change my mind about how I look.

>>7934562
I dunno, Spiegel HAS been criticised pretty much constantly for having poor bedside manner

>>7935604
i watch and read alot of yuri, it's the main decider for whether i start a series or not. but i dont think it's pure.
I feel like a real asshole right now especially after >>7935657
that being said i'd like to say good relationships seem similar to each other at some level. The couple i hope to emulate in the future though i might be more masculine is https://www.youtube.com/user/TheRoxetera
and they seem similar to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=In7FBG6rPw0
there's alot of push and pull, if one goes in for a kiss the other might deny it with a stone face. and then go in for their own.
nobody in these relationships is too nice or mean. i'm just saying maybe the lesbian relationship you're after is attainable transition or not

this was incredibly presumptive please correct me if your ideal relationship is totally different

>>7935657
>I am just cursed with this existence. Did I make fun of dudes in a past life, and now am cursed to be an object of scorn myself? I don't know.

Does this mean all TERFs are cursed to become trans in their next life?

>>7935657
You have more confidence about being a woman than me, but I'm glad my post resonated somewhat. I've thought about a reincarnation curse too.

>>7936169
Different anon, but I would think it would be more related to being a spoiled bitchy woman in a previous incarnation, so this incarnation cuts the person off from being able to attain that. TERF is probably a reincarnation curse of its own.

>>7936140
>It was bedtime.
I still haven't slept since you said it was bed time. :/ Its 4:34 am now.

Hey, do you have a short hair? Are you truly in boymode?

I understand you don't want to post a pic but if you describe your physical appearance I would appreciate it.

>>7935657
good post

>>7933643
ive been on more or less stealth hrt for 3-4 years

people dont treat you differently

like, at all

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>>7933643
thought this was a chocolate cake from the thumbnail

>>7937019
>wearing shoes in the kitchen
How small are thumbnails for you?

>>7936984
Uh, yeah they do. Or maybe you forgot how people used to treat you?

from reading this thread it sounds like you definitely pass OP, even if you're not trying to

really it seems like it would be nice to have people naturally treat you as the gender you'd like to be without you even having to try

>>7937046
just more compliments like "oh your skin is so good"

nothing else is too different

>>7937069
finnish life

>>7936148
You're probably right, I would love to have a friendly relationship like that, but I don't really know where to find it. I guess looking for bi girls is a good start.

>>7936294
>but if you describe your physical appearance I would appreciate it.
Umm, sure??? I have long hair which is straightish unless it's humid, and already removed my facial hair, tall and skinny. I think I'm balding, (ever since my dad pointed out my crown a few years ago which was before I got on hrt I've been self-consious about it, and since my mom has never disagreed with that assessment when I asked about it getting better, and I don't really want to sound neurotic by asking someone else, fuck I'm a trainwreck) and don't really like my hair very much, but some people have said it's nice. Maybe it's boy nice, but imo it's not girl nice. Old boy muscles are gone, arm hair is pretty thinned out but still more than most girl's. Anything else?

>>7936984
In my case they are.

>>7937065
I dunno about that. More like some in-between not-totally-a-man thing.

op are you me? i sorta like living in a place with non-gendered language but then again there's very little opportunities to gauge what gender people read me as from how they speak

bumping memes

>>7941314
>the memes won't happen to me, I'm different!

Tell me exactly what you've been taking OP, I'm curious. Self medicated or did you see an endo?

>>7941394
My new endo bumped me up to 6 mg of estrogen and 200 mg of spiro, after 4 mg and 150 mg didn't get me into the right blood levels.

>>7933643
just transition

>>7941415
Everyone will laugh at me for being the freaky tranny.

>>7933643
Pretty much where I am, i look like a lesbian in my work clothes. Plus im shit at tying a masculine hair knot so i just wear a high pony tail, i wear a sports bra but its obvious i have breasts and my ass is wide and my walk is super fem. Plus i have earrings that everyone tells me are feminine even though i bought them with a unisex label on their packaging

>>7933643
nice memes agp fetishist

People always post stuff on here but never leave a photo for us to reference in our replies. The best we can give is backhanded "it'll all be okay" comments without knowing what you look like.you probably aren't that bad.

go somewhere else for your delusional mental masturbation

>>7941494
You understand the struggles then. All these naysaying jerks don't get it.

>>7941505
>Says the CS major

>>7941515
I don't really need an "it'll all be okay" comment. I look like a mannish freak. I've never met a local tranny who really had a successful transition anyways. If successful is dressing up in women's clothing and having people humor me, then I'd rather not.

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>>7941515
Not op, but this is my body and im still living in man mode

>>7941544
>my skin is too soft looking for men's fabrics

L M A O

>>7941560
It's true. It doesn't look right.

>>7941544
I didn't read the thread, just the first post and yeah i feel ya. Its hard getting over the fear and being feminine socially. At least I get mistaken for a girl daily in full mens clothes so that's a small victory.

>>7941547
How are you managing man mode with those boobs?

>>7941547
What are you taking?

>>7941567
Because I'm a fucking coward who only goes out in girl mode with my bf or my mom. I've gone out once in girl mode alone and was fucking petrified. I mean I have to walk to my car in girlmode to see my bf or my family but even that walk alone is hell because im so afraid someone will clock me. So far with family or my bf around in girlmode i do well and never misgendered because i prolly seem normal enough to have people in my life but on my own i must look freakish

>>7941564
That's in your head because no one designs fashion with thoughts like that, and no one perceives it like that.

>>7941587
If I stand next to a man, even an effeminate chubby man, in similar clothes the difference is obvious. In a group it becomes obvious that one of these is not like the others.

>>7941595
Like a soft and squishy man

>>7941601
With cheeks that are too rosy for a male, but not sickly looking like someone who has thyroid issues.

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>>7941608
Yeah, i went from chiseled face to round girly kid face

>>7941595
Reasons being breasts. I have a feeling you don't live in a very cultured area. Models have soft skin. Asian men have shiny hair and soft skin. Also the largest difference between male and female clothes are the textile design and cut, not fabric fiber. While females tend to wear more veneer and gloss, that doesn't mean something about their skin looks odd in wool or cotton....

It's your body shape not the skin. But feel however you would like to, I'm not able to reach in you and change your perception

>>7941615
I live in an Germanic conservative area (i.e. where real men are). We don't see many soft femboys or models around here, though our Germanic heritage does lend a natural beauty in it's own way. Regardless, my skin compared to other males is far more effeminate. My body shape doesn't help either. But womanly soft skin + male business clothes = dyke look.

>>7941636
If you look like a dyke do what i did and get your ears peirced. Then get a slim streak of your hair dyed pink, and boom, ur a dyke

>>7941636
ask other people in your class if you look like a lesbian
enjoy

>>7941613
transition is going really well for you ;_;

>>7941651
I am trying my best

>>7941645
Have to wear natural hair colors only for my career. Might add some highlights though. I wish I could pull off a messy wavy updo look. I think I'd feel too silly getting my ears pierced. So many cringe images of balding, short-haired, 5 o' clock shadowed, overly makeuped trannies with sparkly earrings pop into my head that I just don't think I can do it.

>>7941673
Get electrolysis and learn to use makeup and get tasteful earrings silly
Jesus, its fucking self explanatory

>>7941683
its almost like youre talking to your younger self

>>7941683
I've had laser and electro. It's just that no one has ever given me honest feedback or help on makeup or hair or anything like that, so I have no clue what I'm coming across as, and all I can think of is that no matter what I'll look like those cringy hons on susan's and reddit.

>>7941684
I know, very eerie

>>7941694
Then post a pic for feedback moron

>>7941697
>post pic for feedback
>be added to the collections of hon pics for everyone to laugh at

Sure thing.

>>7941697
The real question should be, how do I find a female friend whose style advice I trust?

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>>7941721
Watch Friends

>>7941733
I always liked that show. I'm only out to my one female cousin and a distant friend, as far as non-immediate family. I feel stupid asking them for help with this because they're busy with their own lives, and it seems so frivolous.

>>7941778
I meant dress like the girls from the show. That shit set fashion trends that are still popular.

>>7933643
IKTF my body is actually fairly femme after a year of HRT to the point where men's clothes are difficult to wear but my face doesn't pass at all, now I just look like some weird man-woman freak

>>7941547
Still?? wtf Kayla?

>>7941586
out of curiosity. did you get your bf after having that body? is he straight straight?

>>7934666
hail satan

>>7942455
What are you talking about?