Being ugly.

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>>7920697
Welcome to Dysphoria! A magical land of suicidal thoughts and crippling depression...

I'll be your guide.

>>7920697
>How do you cope with being ugly?
Wear a mask.
Become blind.
Get your face so horribly mutilated that it no longer resembles a human and you eventually start to forget your own humanity.

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>>7920786
If I'm going to shoot myself I will at least use a better gun.

Does no one have anything to say on this topic?

>>7920697
Increase your will to power and abstain from worrying about minucea. Once you've risen beyond the irritations of mundane life you will wonder as to why you cared in the first place. Your worries will seem like a mosquitoe riding a dragon's scaled back; ridicules and trife.

Search for the forbidden arts, find them and rise above the politico-social orders you're confined in.

Metempsychosis.

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>>7922813
All I got out of that is "nothing matters".

>>7920697
Chill out. You have trained your brain to be hyper sensitive to faults in your own appearance. Look around you and see if other people think you are as hideous as you think. If they don't then stop trusting your own judgement.

>>7920697
How old are you?

>>7922878
27.
>>7922862
I occasionally see in person attractive people way beyond what I can be.

>>7922862
It's like being high on heroine; do you care about your ugliness when you're high on heroine? And if you do, then you probably do in such a manner that the suffering from your ugliness is so theatrical and intense that you've gone beyond that perception and actually find a malign pleasure in this intensity. The perception goes away and only your new found exhilaration matters.

Where the key lies is where you manage to translate this heroine high into the labyrinths and worksmith factories projecting it into the eternal time instead of it being an incontrollable irreproducible instant.

>>7922876

I occasionally see in person, attractive people way, beyond what I can be.

>>7922904
I can't tell if you just a druggy or a teenager that is trying to be deep.
Using a lot of words does not make you look intelligent or profound. You just come off like a hipster spouting terms they do not really know.

>>7922900
>27
Huh, I guess I can't question your maturity then, since I'm younger.
I'm really ugly too, and will likely never have a boyfriend.
I've sort of calm down about the whole thing, since now I have a lot of hobbies I really enjoy.
Sometimes, when things get tough, I think to myself, "Why do I try at all? I already know I can't get what I really want (a relationship)".
It makes dealing with problems harder, because you can't ever think to yourself 'at the end of the day, I still have ________', because you don't have anything you really want.
Sometimes you just have to find the value in yourself, because you're going to have to deal with your own mind a lot if no one else wants to be around you. I like my sense of humor, and that I bother to think about things, and that I'm not lazy. I'm confident in my strengths, and that helps me cope with my weaknesses.
All of my validation is from in me, and I never get any outside validation. You have to realize the value in that, even if it feels valueless.

In the end, I still have a tiny amount of hope that someone will someday find me attractive and love me.
Likely false hope, but it's still a part of what helps me cope.

>>7922993
I find it very difficult to find value in life.

>>7920697
Awwww cute cat <3

And for OP's question, therapy, surgery (if you need it), and healthier lifestyle

>>7923012
Well, that's why I asked your age.
I used to be much more sad about it, but now I'm less devastated. For all I know though, I could just be on a more easily traversed portion of a long torturous road. I won't be surprised if I stop feeling so calm in a year or two. Like it comes in waves, or something.

The self-value thing, I think, is just high level coping. There isn't any actual, tangible validation. You don't get any benefits from the world, you just stop hating yourself a little bit.
We're ugly, that's really the best we could ever hope for. Be realistic about your situation, and if it's unbearable, then end it without guilt, because anyone who wants to force you to live a life of loneliness and suffering is more selfish than anyone who might make someone sad by proxy.
Maybe let the sadness fuel you into creating something great, and wave it in the worlds face to show it how bad it is. That's what I hope to do.

>>7923012
OP, that is damn good advice. Your own validation for assurance and worth doesn't come from anyone but yourself. You're not ugly--just hopeless. Maybe you can find some strength to press on and I think you'll feel (and SEE) more beauty coming through that mirror one day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgPr1Xmzgvc

>>7920697
I cope with being ugly by reducing my scope of self awareness, allowing me to focus on logical self improvements rather than physical, while eating properly to make sure my body doesn't make me look worse.
I can still dress well, I can still talk to people politely and with tact, I can still earn a lot of money for myself and the people working for me, and I can still be loved by the people I love.
The shape of my face is not the shape of my fate.

>>7922925
I was more trying to say something intuitive.
I
didn't use any weird words that an adult couldn't understand.

>>7920786
Not everything has to be about trannies. Lots of cis people are just ugly. I wish trannies would just fuck off and kts tbqh. At least in death they will stop appropriating the struggles of actual ugly people.

>>7922925
Okay so i said a couple of things.

Think of life as a certain amount of vitality and power. Do you think, say, Hitler cared if his back hurt one day? or if he wasn't as pretty as he wanted (maybe he did, but likely because he was a raging narcisist, but that's beyond the point.) And so it is proven that those with a higher feeling of power are less likely to concern themselves with stupid shit.

Now what i wanted to say with the heroin thing is that when you're feeling intense vitality, it doesn't really matter wether it's suffering or pleasure, since humans can embrace this suffering and get pleasure out of it just by embracing it. Think of Hitler in jail writing his Mein Kampf. And that's why i wrote in a way that you had to look at life as a tragedy; people look at tragedies yet they get great pleasure from them, but if people were to watch a movie with a bunch of faggots complaining about their insecurities they'd likely end up feeling more miserable.

The eternal time and labyrinthian was a pseud way of saying you have to find this power and not waste it on one "irreproducible instand" but rather find a way to project it over time and not let it fade.

So that's a non-pseud way of putting it i guess xD

>>7923460
Not him, but you are saying things in an unnecessarily flowery way. You're basically saying that he needs to harness the essence of that feeling of tragedy, and use it to power himself into doing something great or meaningful, I think. Or in the least, to use it to see a type of strength in himself that he can appreciate. Except this is the type of language that is more laymen.

Keep in mind, that an important skill in language is to cater your diction to the reader and prioritize concision over lyricism.

>>7923460
All I got out of that is " Just be happy with what you have and do great things".

>>7923443
>When you align your essence with the infinite cosmos and the stardust that was forged into your body vibrates in resonance with all creation,then you will know who you really are.

That is what you look like to me. Maybe I am autistic but it all just comes off as a lot of words to say something vague.

All the talk about turning it into "something great" seems silly to me. Realistically the vast majority of people will never do anything great and I see no reason I am any different.

Ultimately what I have taken from the thread is that I just have to accept that my existence will always be subpar until I end it.

I feel you OP. I'm somewhat obsessed with appearance and fucking hate myself for not even looking "average". I have no redeeming features and many flat out bad ones, all I fucking want in life is to look normal so I can at least have some confidence and actually live my life normally.

It's gotten so bad lately that I'm actually considering some surgery in the future.

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tfw i don't know if i'm cute or not i have cute features but there are not symmetrical my right lip is smaller and upright then the left one and the same is for my nose and eyes

>>7923448
This

It sucks when you have only received compliments from greasy, desperate neckbeards.

>>7920697
Stop focusing on the fact that you are ugly
Remind yourself that there is uglier people
Remind self of what you are good at
If you just want to improve body image just work out or run or even just take walks people wont notice your ugly when you are JACKED

>>7920697
I dont know. At a certain point I just stopped thinking about it.
It still bugs me from time to time though.
I dont really consider myself a human being so people not finding me attractive ceased to phase me because "why would an actual human find a none human attractive?"

>>7928725
I have met plenty of ugly buff guys.

To the thread at large, thank you for the encouragement.

I'm not particularly good at anything. I am not sure what even qualifies anymore.

>>7929284
>why would an actual human find a none human attractive
Ask the furries.

If I can go a length of time without seeing myself, I start to feel better. Of course I eventually see my reflection and become upset again.

>>7920697
stop looking in mirrors.
people will tell you if there is food on your face.

>>7929299
>Ask the furries.

I dont mean like them. I mean as a creature that is inferior in worth and such and recognizes and accepts it is less than.

>>7920697
My bf points out my insecurities but in a complementary way, and he says it is cute. I know by the end of they day, he loves me for me.

As with copeing, you need to realize the more we look at something the more we notice details. We look at our own faces the most and notice our flaws more than most do. Just because you see flaws doesn't mean others do.

looks don't mean everything, i've dated someone i wasn't physically attracted to just cuz i liked them... people make looks out to mean more than they do, plenty of people who aren't seen as attractive still find fulfilling relationships, and people are more than what they look like... hyper focusing on one aspect of yourself as if that's gonna keep everyone in the world away is nonsensical... you're a lot more than just your appearance

>>7930615
>i've dated someone i wasn't physically attracted to

Did you still have sex with that person?
I have encountered couples with at least one of them being ugly but they admitted that they did not get physically intimate. At that point it is not really any different than any other friendship.

Having greater difficulty with romantic relationships is one reason I hate my appearance.

Ugly people are also treated worse. The worst is assumed of you. I have actually had women say "don't touch me" when I greeted them with a smile and quick wave when out in town. I'm not obese or unclean and I dress better than a lot of people around here. If you are ugly and confident then you are branded a creep.
I have noticed women are not as hostile if I can signal that I am gay. At least men just nod or ignore me.

>>7930821

i did yeah... sex is about pleasure, not what the other person looks like as far as i'm concerned

i never expressed a lack of attraction either... i wasn't a dick about it or anything... it's just not a big deal to me if everything is cool otherwise

and being considered attractive doesn't necessarily mean you get treated well... as a matter of fact my ex (the one i wasn't attracted to) held it against me, and i've had people judge me for it or the more usual just give a shit about finding me physically attractive and nothing past that...

i've been called every male, female, and neutral word i can think of that's synonymous with attractive, so i can't judge the world from the opposite perspective i suppose... i don't know what it's like to get those particular reactions, i've never heard a "don't touch me" or some shit like that, but... i've seen unattractive people in successful relationships and i'm open to people who aren't physically attractive to me, other people are too.. so it's not like it equates with being alone forever...

>>7931393

Thanks, I hope you are right.

All I can do is hope that I find someone that accepts me and that alleviates my negative thinking.

>>7930821
creepy groper detected

>>7931482
Thanks for validating my world view.

>>7931464

np, just being honest with you... who you are is a lot more than your physical body and focusing elsewhere can make you appealing

the biggest issue i have with people i've had when it came to doing anything with people i've found unattractive has been the level of insecurity about everything else... and honestly sometimes the chip on their shoulder about it

i can understand why it's there, i know how shitty people can be to each other over shit like that... but when it's dragged into every interaction someone has with the people that are around them it becomes an issue... and honestly it's more of an issue than their outsides usually

confidence can help a lot too... being ugly and confident doesn't make someone seem like a creep if they know how to express that confidence properly... approach makes all the difference, and honestly so does being fun or interesting

>>7931530
The way other people treat me has made me pessimistic. The only way it has effected my personal life is that people are much quicker to dismiss an ugly person making it harder to meet people. I have seen plenty of reactions from people that tell me that they do not want me near them. How people look at tinder is still close to how they look at life. Are you attractive? No,dismissed. At work ,many customers look insulted that I'm serving them instead of the more attractive employees. A lot of people do not look me in the eyes when talking to me. People have made me feel like some kind of monster.

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>>7931530
>bee fun
>bee interesting
>bee confident
>bee yourself!!!!
Jesus I hope you have or get HIV

>>7933182

i guess i never thought mich of it or about frequent dismissal i've never been treated that way and i don't treat other people that way... so i have no concept of the level of mistreatment desu

but what i've noticed is a lot of unattractive people treat me weird for being nice to them... so that chip can prevent meaningful interaction

my ex was constantly telling me about every girl or guy (i'm bi) that was more attractive and insisting that's what i wanted instead... always going on about how i could do better, and just lots of poisonous insecurity that ultimately destroyed a lot...

people finding you attractive has its own bullshit though honestly... a lot of times people don't actually want to get to know you instead it's just about sex or looking at you...

>>7933506

you hope i have hiv or get it cuz i don't see physical attractiveness as all there is to a person? that seems stupid... of course someone being fun and interesting is important, and confidence is too... confidence doesn't have to be based on physical appearance... and a complete lack of it can make shit difficult...

if someone only ties their self worth to their physical appearance and lacks any confidence otherwise or doesn't have (or develop) other good qualities that's more of a problem than their appearance...

>>7933678
Oh please. People say all this bullshit like
> you just need to be fun and confident and people will be drawn to you
When in reality nobody will look twice at a weird ugly fucker. Yes those things can be important but the thing that will draw people to you, that will make people want to be around you and what people judge your worth on as soon as they see you first and foremost is how you look.

>>7933701

people say it cuz it's true and not bullshit...

i'm straight up saying that i don't just talk to people based on their physical attractiveness and that it means fuckall to me, i'm not the only person who's like that...

you're expecting everyone else to be the same, have an obvious chip on your shoulder, showcasing bitterness and then saying the only reason people don't wanna be around you is your appearance... and that's probably bullshit

>>7933809
Ok please tell me how to be FUN and INTERESTING without taking drugs, alcohol, smoking or being one of those obnoxious loud screamy fuckers.

>>7933851

you're asking that to someone who just got off 5 month heroin binge recently, smokes weed every day + drinks weekly + takes other drugs on occasion that... just to clarify here...

but i'll humour you since i don't mind hanging out with sober people provided they don't give a shit that i'm not...

i like being able to have conversations with people about fucking anything really, i enjoy hearing people's perspectives and thoughts... someone being different than me is often enough to hold my attention for a while

and since i play guitar/sing anything music related is gonna interest me, so is doing shit outdoors... i like aimless wandering and nature, or aimless wandering through cities is fine too...

i enjoy people who can be quiet personally so that doesn't bother me... i can be too, especially if i feel like reading or writing...

that's me though what kinda shit are you into? everyone's got interests and hobbies and shit they've experienced and know, that's the shit you focus on

>>7933903
>heroine binge
>"sober people" as if they're on a lower level
Oh what a surprise. Another junkie who only thinks other high intoxicated people are fun and looks down on people who don't do drugs regularly. Enjoy your come down depression and addiction

>>7920697
Learn makeup. Take some time, maybe a fourth of a year, off. Stop talking to people. Don't look at mirrors. Try to lose 20 pounds.

>>7933937
You can have ugly aesthetics and a lovely personality and get love and attention easy.

You'll never, ever be able to hold someone if you respond to other people like this. Most people suffering for loneliness are way, way further along the path of developing their personality than you. You've got a long way to go.

>>7934004
Wow you're a patronising sanctimonious prick. The drugs have gotten to your head and made you think you're some guru

>>7933937

i just said i'm fine with people who are sober as long as they don't care that i'm high... i don't look down on anyone, and i'm not better than anyone just cuz i use drugs... shit drug use in my life has been a huge problem at points, and i've put shit in my body that i've told other people to never touch (even as i've continued to use it)

i said "sober people" cuz i'm frequently the opposite of that

it wasn't an attack or a judgment, you're making it into one... i don't care what people put or don't put into their own bodies

and i'm perfectly fine with not doing drugs with another person and still chilling... which is why i listed all the other shit i find enjoyable and pointed out that your own interests and perspectives were valid and that's what you focus on...

you're looking down on me for being a drug user, while accusing me of putting myself on a pedestal for no reason other than your own bitterness...

like i said, you've got more issues than your physical appearance if no one wants to be around you

>>7934055

that wasn't me...

i quit a month ago btw, went through withdrawal and everything... i moved to get away from it at least for a while so i could stay off, it was hellish really... and constant cravings suck too, but they're better than where i was with the drugs...

but this is what i mean about that bitterness... everything you're saying is a miserable attack, and honestly... i'm not gonna take personal cuz clearly you're in a lot of pain, but you should chill with lashing out at people cuz it's not gonna make you less lonely

>>7934073
See >>7934055

>>7934111
What will make me less lonely? Vague buzzwords like fun and interesting that don't mean anything? The brutal truth is people look at me and see a weak presumably ill person. I see the mixed look of sympathy and repulse on their faces constantly. Please piss off with your lecturing

>>7934115

i'm not even being a prick man, i'm just being real with you and so were they... you wanna blame all your problems on your physical appearance while doing nothing to fix yourself internally then suit yourself...

it doesn't really make any difference to me it you're lonely or not... in spite of my shit i have people in my life so you know... i might not be a guru, but i've had personal experience with shit like relationships and whatnot... and i know for a fact that attitudes like yours push people away a lot further than looks

hopefully you realize that one day, or you know... you get used to being lonely, whichever works for you

>>7934152

what are you interested in? what kinda shit do you like? are there ways you can combine those interests with a group activity?

fun is subjective, so is interesting... but what i mean is being willing to do shit and having things to say on a variety of topics generally makes people want to be around someone else

being open about your perspective too... i don't know you well enough to tell you what you could be doing to meet people or what makes you an interesting person

i'm sorry if i'm coming off like i'm lecturing, but that's not my intention and i'm not sure where you got that idea...

maybe you gotta get past the first impression stage, and by that i mean... maybe you gotta let go of people's shitty reactions and let them see who you are anyway, and i'm sure there's people who would give you a chance...

>>7934161
Are you stupid? Of course I don't lash out like this at people irl. I try to act courteous and reasonably friendly. But nobody fucking cares because of ky physical ailments

>>7934199
Who cares about my perspective? It literally doesn't matter at all. Nobody gives a shit about what I have to say or my thoughts.

You just have to realize that your future partners probably aren't gonna like you for your looks. Instead you should start working on features that you can change, like parts of your personality

>>7934237
>parts of your personality
>peronality personality personality
Ffs can you stop saying vague shit like this

>>7934200

how am i supposed to know the way you act in person is different than online? i'm the same either way... and i didn't really think about it in regards to you honestly

i'm just saying hostility and bitterness don't win people over, and if it's just an attitude you give off then it doesn't really matter if you put a mask on people can see it...

>>7934218

well i care... that's kinda why i asked, i was trying to get to know you a little better so i could offer advice that's not generalized and actually based on you as a person

>>7934266

that wasn't me... and that shit isn't vague anyway, i don't see how it's vague to say if people don't like your outsides try to show them what's valuable about you apart from that...

>>7934299
>>7934310
Of course it's vague. Who cares about
>interests and hobbies
>perspectives
Wow I'm an autistic loser who plays video games all day just like the other thousands of fucking pathetic NEETs online because that's literally how I was bought up from a young age.

>>7934333

i care about those things, it's why i mentioned them as shit that's important to people...

what games?

do you do anything else? do you have other interests? do you have anything you'd like to pursue?

>>7933506
Not me (OP). I just got out of work. After I get rehydrated I will catch up on tge thread. I did not expect it to go to shit.

>>7934359
Shitty normie games like overwatch and zelda because I'm too bad to play anything else.
I used to draw but stopped like a year ago. People used to compliment me a lot and I felt like I was only doing it for the compliments and attention.
I'm a student who dropped out last year because I alienated all my flatmates and went back but at a different uni last september to do chemistry. The other people in my class don't give a shit about chemistry and just want to be teachers or get through the lesson asap. I have noone to talk about it with even though I'd like to because everybody finds chemistry boring as fuck and most of them are attractive girls who think i'm weird and invisible, social autists who can't talk to people (one being a literal autist with aspergers) and a normie group who don't like me and literally ignore me everytime I try talking to them.
I have to resort to posting nudes online to hold peoples' attention and that usually doesn't last or result in anything because i'm a shitskin. I just want to kill myself at this point. I contemplate points on my bus trip that would be good for jumping off and trying to figure out which is best

OP, if the whole "be yourself" thing isn't registering with you, go back to what I said a few days ago, and focus on self validation, rather than seeking love or attention from other people.
At the end of the day, everyone, ugly or otherwise, can only truly rely on themselves. You're just going to have to learn that lesson sooner, and apply that knowledge more frequently.
Yes, your face is fucked up, but realize that we live in a world of shallow, selfish, greedy pricks. You can value yourself for not being materialistic, or having a calm nature, or for your unique sense of humor.
I make myself smile more than anyone else in the world has, or will. No one can ever take that away from me; that I'm truly the best person for myself. I love the way I think, and nobody can live up to that.
At some point, you HAVE to learn that the most important person in your life is yourself. No one will ever get you the way you do. Appreciate your mind.

>>7933954
I have already lost 30 pounds and intend to lose at least 20 more. Oddly enough when I was fatter people were friendlier towards me. Sometimes it seems like people around here only want to be around those that they feel better than.

>>7920697
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLVOnVsLXqw

>>7934427
I(op) was not apart of that argument. This is why I am in favor of thread ids.

>>7934455
No, I know. Just saying. Once you're done reading over everything.
There are multiple ways you can cope with this. Either by having hope in other people, or having hope in yourself.

Oh what a surprise I write a paragraph of shit and nobody cares just like I thought. Fucking moron asking about interests

>>7934547
There's generally been low effort responses to every post in here, except for the people writing huge paragraphs.

>>7933678
I have not been in a relationship in years. When I was I did not exhibit that kind of behavior.

>You can have ugly aesthetics and a lovely personality and get love and attention easy.

Maybe, but the only attention I have received have been from men way worse than me and I tried giving some of them a chance but it was just a case of oblivious slobs and I am not that desperate.

>>7934472

I am trying to but It is difficult.

>>7934547

my s/o came home from work, had a late dinner with him and we were talking... + a frind was gonna stop by, but he's just gonna do that tomorrow

so i was busy, i just got back to thread and was gonna read it...

>>7934418

never played overwatch... i haven't played anything in a while, i used to be into fps games and shit like gears of war... but i went through this shit time with depression and after i tried to hang myself i couldn't enjoy movies or games the same... i play them sometime, but it's rare... recent shit i've played and enjoyed has been shit like the static speaks my name and papa and yo... had birds named zelda and link cuz i grew up with that shit...

why'd you stop drawing? my s/o draws, he was a tattoo artist (worked in a studio and freelances sometimes), but he stops whenever he's really depressed... which i get i'm like that with writing, but i play guitar and sing all the time and that doesn't seem to be affected by depression so i still have that outlet at least...

i dropped out of college twice, but i've never been a good student... i like chemistry (i prefer biology), but i'm pretty shit at math so it fucks me up with that... that's cool that you're into science though, people don't appreciate that kinda intelligence enough...

i'm actually not really into white people and i'm mixed myself, so the shitskin thing is wasted on me... just saying

i get wanting to commit suicide though, i feel like that often... different reasons, but i know what that's like to be in a car and just thinking about jumping out and shit like that... i've learned to deal with it by shutting off my feelings and absorbing any given moment aside from it, but i can be happy just doing something like having a cigarette and watching the sun rise when everything else is shit

and sometimes it seems sad to say i live for simple shit like that often, but that's my reality

>>7934853

friend* my bad

>>7934799

might just be cuz she was a chick, women seem to be worse with that kinda thing...

i get not wanting to settle for a slob though, that's different than physical attractiveness though... there's a lot of people in the world though, so hard as it might be don't get too discouraged... never know when you might meet someone

>>7934853
Good. Overwatch is a shit game. It's just fun and addictive sometimes. I don't understand what you're trying to say with the papa stuff.
I stopped because I have no passion for it. I know I could be good at it but I see no reason to spend that much effort for a few people to look at a picture I spent weeks on for a few seconds and go "who is it supposed to be?"
I'm a shit student too. I only have to go in 3 days a week and I rarely do that. Luckily I can work things out and problem solve so I rarely revise and can still pass. Yet noone sees that I have decent problem solving skills because I get ignored.
I feel like any effort I try to put into my appearance will just be undermined by having brown skin so I rarely care about my appearance now. I go out with stubble and greasy hair and don't give a shit. Unfortunately anytime I see an attractive white guy my age I feel unbearable hatred and jealousy.
I just want to die. Contemplated suicide just before dropping out last year but didn't have the guts. Wrote a note too. I hope one day I do get the guts to do it desu

>>7934853

+ my bad, read what you said over to see if i missed anything and i did...

the compliments part... sorry about that, i have chronic health issues that affect me on a neurological level and sometimes it fucks shit like reading up for me and i'll miss shit or get things jumbled... i try to be careful but the past couple of days i've been pretty run down so yeah... sorry about that

even if it was just for compliments and attention, did it mean anything to you? art can be such a big way of connecting with people, and i know you're looking for connections so why not that way?

>>7934959

papa and yo is a game, it's brazillian i think, something like that... my s/o's sis had some games on her laptop and when she was living with us i played a couple... it's a puzzle game about the guy who made it and his relationship with his alcoholic father, but it's done very childlike with interactive chalk drawings and shit like that... i really liked it, if you've ever played ico it has a similar feel to it

i get that, i write but i have no passion for it... it's something i do sometimes, but it's not something i love and i go for long periods without doing it... for me though i don't even feel comfortable showing people and when i do they start telling me to finish stuff or start adding ideas of where they wanna see it go and then i get overwhelmed and shut down...

i've always had a really hard time with having to stick to schedules, i don't even like to make plans in advance unless it's like a couple of days and even then it just makes me anxious... but that's only part of the issue i have with school, i have trouble paying attention and learning in that kinda environment as well... when i was a kid i was just always in trouble and since that kinda shit doesn't suit a college environment i mostly just ended up not going cuz i didn't know what to do with myself...

are you generally quiet? that can lead to being overlooked sometimes too, people don't usually give quiet people a chance since louder people just attract more attention

why do you feel that way about your race? just wondering, i guess it's that i don't generally find white people attractive so i find it strange when people put them on a pedestal... i mean of course there's attractive white people of both genders, but that's any race... when i say that i mean averages... like i find average looking hispanic chicks way more attractive than average white ones, same with guys

>>7934959

depression can fuck with people when it comes to taking care of themselves, oddly enough pushing yourself to do those things anyway can help depression... worst i've been with that is 2 days without showering while i was heavy on heroin, i cleaned myself up and whatnot but i'm normally a shower at least once a day kinda person...

i've written notes before, but the time i actually tried was really impulsive and i didn't do anything before i just tried to hang myself... it didn't work out and i got drunk instead, didn't tell anyone i did it either i just pretended it didn't happen...

it was weird, waking up the next day and seeing how nothing changed even though i felt different... the way the world and life keeps going anyway

that first time i felt happy about something afterwards, and that first time i had fun were both really strange experiences... knowing that shit could've easily not happened, how just a slight difference would've changed everything

it made life feel surreal

i struggle with suicidal thoughts for a number of reasons, but what's weird is getting sick actually made me care more about living

about 4 years ago i got lyme disease, and it just completely destroyed me... it + the antibiotic treatment killed my immune system and triggered underlying shit

i'm in pain to some degree every day now, and i have weeks (it's gone on over a month before) where i can barely get out of bed and need help getting to the bathroom and back... it fucks my shit up in a lot of ways to all different degrees, but it changed my perspective on what's important too

silver lining i guess

>>7935097
I haven't played ico.
If I did get into art again I don't think I would show people. I just don't see the point unless it's for professional criticism.
I'm the same. I hate schedules and feeling like I'm tied down to something. If I have a deadline or lecture I can't relax until I've got through it. I was never in trouble though, i was generally just a quiet kid who never acted up and did as he was told.
Yes I am quiet. I try to be outgoing sometimes but people just get weirded out because they expect me to be quiet. I fucking hate loud fuckers who constantly talk about meaningless bs. One guy in my class constantly goes on about weebs and anime in a loud obnoxious tone and then has the nerve to dismiss me entirely because I'm "not a man".
White people are seen as more attractive by most people. On /soc/ when a white guy with a similar body posts a nude he'll get a ton of replies. I'm lucky to get a handful. In public I just feel ashamed because I'm short too. It hurts a lot when I see a tall confident white guy who actually looks masculine because I'm the opposite. And it's all just fucking genetics. I rarely go outside because I can't take it. It literally fucks with my head.

>>7935153
I can't remember a time in my life when I felt happy. It's just been piles of shit. I pretty much just feel like a walking corpse and the world just wants me to die, like that was my planned life: go through this miserable shit and see how long he lasts until he gives up.
What makes me feel surreal is seeing happy people. It's like looking at a dream to me because I literally can't believe that people can be so happy and content in life. You hear and experience suffering everyday yet here are these people who are happy everyday and have a joyous life and you wonder what you did so wrong to live the hellish life you've lived.

>>7935163

what about shadow of the colossus? it's made by the same people (the last guardian is too but i've never played it)

i share things as a way of letting people in, but with writing it just feels too personal more often than not...

if i have a deadline or schedule i either do everything last minute or shut down entirely and do something else instead..,

i was an asshole in school, just constantly bothering most of my teachers... made one quit, made one cry... shit like that, i've mellowed out a lot but i had a lot of energy as a kid and no proper outlet... shitty home life + not fitting in well with the education system (i had great grades, but that's it) is a shit combination for a kid with a lot of energy and attention issues etc

i figured about the quiet thing, people who are tend to be overlooked... too quiet and most people don't notice but being suddenly loud confuses people too cuz people are weird about change...

it's probably partially the demographic of 4chan that makes you feel worse, but consider the source you know?

i get feeling uncomfortable as far as body shit goes, i'm a transguy it comes with the territory often... but i just detach and try not to think while i hope to get myself together enough to get treament

it's hard yeah, but you can learn how to disconnect and enjoy life in spite of your issues... it just takes time and effort to get past shit even if it never goes away

>>7935319
The source would be body issues I've had since I was a teen. I'm underweight and skelly so I feel like a freak. People try to tell me to be confident in my body but I really can't and I don't have motivation to go to the gym. I'm too scared to hookup or have sex because I know the other person will be disgusted when they see me. I can't wear anything that shows skin in public. People just dismiss it as "oh it's your metabolism it will slow down" but it's not that simple to dismiss when it's your body.

>>7935192

happiness is fleeting, i'm usually at neutral personally... not miserable, not depressed or anything... just neutral, but i experience happiness and contentment and severe depression etc

sometimes i feel like i'm just waiting to die too though, like with my health issues i'm just like "this is gonna get bad really bad one day and then i'll have to kill myself" that's always in the back of my head

has your life always been bad? even as a kid? just wondering, i've been through every kind of abuse and i've been in bad situation after bad situation my whole life... drugs for half of it, and alcohol for more than that, on/off really hardcore abuse of both

maybe i'm a miserable bastard, but i don't believe people are that happy all the time... no one i've ever actually gotten to know is, and there's always cracks in the façade they have going if you look hard enough... i think acting that happy is an act sometimes for a lot of people to feel better about their lives... get to know them and they're just as fucked up as anyone it just doesn't look like it to someone observing them

don't have to do anything wrong to suffer unfortunately... but you can work on finding things that make life more than just your pain, and you can learn from pain too... suffering can be a valuable experience, unfortunately that's always in retrospect

>>7935359

people don't always see what you see when they look at you... i find myself gross personally, but i get told the opposite frequently... and no matter how often i hear it or how many people say they find me attractive it sounds like a lie to me... took years to not have knee jerk negative reactions to it, but i did learn that my perspective only means so much and how i see myself isn't a reflection of what other people see (they're often a lot less critical of me than i am of myself)

when it comes to sex, mind over matter can ease the discomfort... you focus on pleasure and let the rest fade away

and you can get your eating together at home, and start home workouts too... it might help without you needing to put yourself out there

have you had your thyroid checked?

>>7935396

+ if i pass out on you sorry in advance i'll respond tomorrow if i don't tonight

>>7935366
Yes, my dad was/is an alcoholic. My mom was depressed and just stayed in bed growing up so my brothers and I were just left to play video games all day. My mom didn't let us play outside unless one of my parents was with us (so never). Me and my brothers used to play together (4 of us) but my eldest brother couldn't handle my dad and became reclusive, just spending all his time jerking off basically, he's still the same 10 years later. The other elder one was abusive, used to constantly beat me and my twin brother because we were too weak. My mom was too depressed to do anything about it. Our whole summer holiday just consisted of trying not to get bruises and avoid the middle bro while waiting for dad to come home drunk again and swear at my mom for hours.
Mom eventually kicked dad out. Lost our house a few years back and was homeless for a bit. Got put in a council house about a year ago (when i left for uni) but now live back here and still share a room with twin at 20. Rarely ever talk to bros, especially middle one despite his room being next to ours. Like literally a handful of times a year.
Tried getting a job last year but couldn't even get an interview. Just applied to uni again despite loans because nothing better to do. Still just spend all day playing video games with no hope for end in sight. Tried talking to guys online in anyway that i can just for escapism but nobody is interested in me. Don't know what to do.

>>7935436
>but my eldest brother couldn't handle my dad and became reclusive, just spending all his time jerking off basically, he's still the same 10 years later.
really sad. does he have a job or friends?

>still share a room with twin at 20.
does that get awkward? i take it the rarely talking to bros doesn't apply to him.

>>7935492
He's never had a job. He had friends in high school but he doesn't see them. It sucks going through school without a dad or older brother to look up to.

Yeah I suppose. We argue a lot but get along sometimes too. It really just varies. I'm used to it by now though. Just sucks when you want to be lewd but can't because there's constantly someone there.

>>7935492
Also that thyroid things looks like something I might have. I got a sudden big weight loss at about 14 and got major mood swings, my eyes are big for a guy and I used to get sore throats very often but they were weird, like I had something clogging my throat that I couldn't get rid of. The doctor just used to give antibiotics though

>>7934418
I was the prick who said >>7934004.

You remind me a lot of myself actually; I'm sorry for the gnostic and holier-than-thou shit.

I don't exactly know what to help you with. I think, when I was where you were, the thing I needed most was a hard reset. I didn't talk to anyone for a few days and had way too much cough syrup (don't do this).

I didn't really have a personality to speak of before then. I had a bunch of vaguely interrelated product wants -- a gamer T, a DS, some seasonal releases, but I was pretty infantalized and fucked up by the fact that I hadn't really been making developmental goals.

Separating myself from other people full time helped me become more aware of my personal.

You really didn't want any of that personality stuff though. I can't help you with that and you don't seem to really care. But, I don't think I can help you with being ugly other than to tell you that you're probably over-imagining it and, as advice, no one says rail thin people are ugly. Other than that, wigs do wonders and honest make-up talent can redeem anyone.

I don't know if you're going to check this thread again, but I'll keep it on auto if you do. I care about you, I guess. I care about myself.

>>7935613
I do have a personality. It's just degraded over time. When I first started high school I was quiet but I could generally get along with people and have conversations. It's just that after getting bullied and shunned relentlessly because of my weight I became bitter and closed off. What pisses me off the most is when I'm with a group of people and I make an effort to ask questions and stuff, but nobody bothers asking me. What also pisses me off about the personality stuff is when I watch these dating shows and the woman are like
>i hope he likes my personality that's what matters
When no. the dude likes your tits and body. He wouldn't date you again otherwise. Please shut up about your personality which is basic as fuck anyway

>>7935436

sorry i ended up passing out last night, looks like other people responded though...

anyway...

my father was always at work, and when he wasn't everyone (my older brother, mom, and i) except my younger bro (his favourite kid) had to hide and try to stay out his line of vision or risk getting hit or screamed at for anything he could think of... and sometimes hiding didn't even work out cuz he'd walk around looking for shit to fight about... my mother was more like a friend sometimes and then she'd flip her shit and be really abusive other times, but she was the better parent to interact with and i've always been her favourite so i got her at her best and her worst mostly... she didn't like leaving the house and taking us out though either unless she was going shopping with her friends or some shit... i actually didn't even go to preschool cuz my mother didn't like the idea of having to walk a few blocks to take me (when i asked her why i never went that was her answer btw: "i didn't feel like walking that far")

my older bro ended up similar actually, used to be abusive as well... i don't really doubt that he'd probably still hit me if i caught him on a bad day and let shit escalate... but i've learned to just bite my tongue around him so i don't have to bother... he's obsessed with making 3d render porn, lizards, and mmorpgs... my little bro was an asshole and he'd do shit like pick fights or just straight up start them then cry and call my father into the room so i'd get hit and screamed at... even sometimes shit like me watching tv or playing a game and him wanting to take over would turn into him crying and yelling to get my father in the room over a "no," he's a teacher now... we can get along somewhat, but we're extremely different people

>>7936250

+

my summers were spent pretty similar growing up until i was old enough to go out on my own... my parents would fight, my dad would either smack her around or find my older brother and/or me to do the same... my mother is the kinda person who just pretends nothing is wrong though, she glosses over every bad thing that ever happens says it isn't a big and i'd get yelled at and hit for doing shit like having feelings about something negative the second it stopped... any anger, any sadness, just anything had to be pushed down within 5 minutes or it'd be a problem... and she'd deny the severity or just not take it seriously (she's literally joked about how she used to hit me as a kid in the recent past)

my parents separated for a few months when i was 15, everything went back to "normal" when he moved back, like no time had even passed...

i was homeless with my s/o at one point when we were about 24, i have a hard time keeping track my life is a blur... spent a couple months crashing at people's houses, sleeping in parks, on the beach etc ... wasn't too bad cuz it was the summer

i'm pretty disconnected from my siblings in a lot of ways as well... we can get along, and i've been close to my younger bro at points, but we're just all very different and detached

when i could work (can't now) i had trouble holding down jobs cuz of the schedule shit and generally being a fuck up... at least if you finish college you'll have something

i can't speak for other people, but you seem easy to talk to once you get going as far as i'm concerned... but i guess i also find you relatable so there's that

this is my throwaway /lgbt/ email: [email protected] feel free to use it to talk if you want...

>>7935516

that sounds like a lot of the shit my cousin has going on and she has grave's disease... eyes tend to be a give away

>>7936255
My mom's the same. Wouldn't get treated for her depression, pretends everything's fine and bottles things up. The only difference is she vents her emotions by getting drunk every other night and crying and being manic when she's drunk. My 2 eldest brothers can't deal with her and just get angry so I usually have to calm her down.
I'll willingly talk to most people. It's just that people just think "oh he's quiet that's intimidating and look how thin he is there must be something wrong with him" and keep away. Meanwhile those loud people being completely bitchy or assholes have friends and are going out and shit because they're attractive and "normal".

>>7936273

my mom doesn't usually express a lot of emotion not even in that sense, she just lives in a weird alternate fantasy world...
my s/o's mom can get like that though, i've watched him have to chill her out... she does other crazy weird shit too, but he cut her out about 2 years ago... his sister just recently did that same

yeah people can be weird about quiet people, i don't really get it cuz everyone being loud would be annoying... and when too many loud people are all together being around them just feels like being in the middle of a shouting match... everyone just wants to yell over each other and not listen, shit's weird, and i don't care for that much... not sure how that's more acceptable than someone being quiet... though it seems like people like that get nervous about what isn't being said and take the lack of noise as judgment or other negative shit unless they know you

it's nonsensical though

>>7936289
I don't think i could cut my mom off. She's pretty much raised us all on her own despite my dad so i understand why she gets upset, especially considering how we're all pretty much social outcasts who've never had relationships or jobs.

I don't understand that at all. These people who go "it scares me when nobody is talking" and have to fill every silence. I really can't comprehend why somebody would be scared by that. And most of the time when people are shouting about shit it's the most worthless bs like "oh i went to greggs yesterday" or "this happened at work". I'd literally rather have silence than listen to people go on about boring stuff like that

>>7936306

my s/o's mom is a narcissist so he had to... i haven't cut mine off, i feel bad for her, but if i'm honest i'd like to not talk to her for a few years at least... sometimes her voice makes me feel like blowing my brains out, she's just neurotic and anxious and detached from reality almost completely... i don't hate her or anything, but she's a better friend than mother so idk... it's sorta like never really having parents, but i'm sure you get that in a sense

i don't get it either, but i can find silence comfortable... the things people say don't usually mean much of anything especially when it's small talk

like the conversations you're describing? i'll listen to them, but they're not my thing... i know people need to talk about their day sometimes, but i don't like when that's all someone has to say

like when you get someone who goes quiet when you talk about anything that has more depth than small talk, i don't understand that

or when people don't have opinions and thoughts on topics, i can't really understand how people don't just process things and even just have shallow snap judgments to talk about...

i prefer silence to that kinda thing too, but i'll listen and make noise back when confronted with it

>>7936195
>>7935613 here.

> What pisses me off the most is when I'm with a group of people and I make an effort to ask questions and stuff, but nobody bothers asking me.

I don't think I talked to anyone in my class for a year when I was 15. I was pretty generally mum for a year after that too.

I'm just an voice on the internet, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think you're surrounded by dirtbags. I think it'd be really nice for you to have someone in your corner but I don't think this is something you don't know. You're not going to get that here though. Unless you come here with the right attitude, it's just going to fuck up your self-esteem. Especially /soc/. Bad enough in 2012, bottom-of-the-barrel now.

If you like this, why not try SA or something? I'd give you my account if you'd like. I'd like to keep talking to you, but I get the feeling that there's only so much help I can give. You've just got to move on from 4chan at some point and, as far as me and all of my friends went, college is a great time to do that.

>>7920697

>I think it'd be really nice for you to have someone in your corner but I don't think this is something you don't know. You're not going to get that here though. Unless you come here with the right attitude, it's just going to fuck up your self-esteem.

What I mean by this is that the people here are animals. If your only choices are between the naïve vapid materialism of some county hick and the sarcastic and anxious vapid materialism of some /soc/ idiot, you don't really have much of a choice.

I don't know that much about /soc/ though. I was /jp/, /v/, /lit/ and /fa/ (all of this years ago, which I why I write so funny compared to other people here now). I just remember waking up one day and deciding that being a hermit retard was a waste of time and that I was going to give myself a year to make out to become at least normie-adjacent. I said that if I didn't pull that off after a year I was going to kill myself.

Most of that involved blocking 4chan and forcing myself to reddit instead. Reddit sucked. Didn't get a thing from that. But, at the same time, I was trying to force myself to like the people around me. I was real big on Dostoevsky and I started embracing the idea of loving humanity as a kind of public service. A lot of this was just conditioning, though. Telling myself the people around me were great, that I was great, and that I was nice and that everyone loved me. Eventually, I repeated it so much that I stopped having to consciously say it and it started becoming true.

I started loving the people around me. I sound like a faggot, don't I? I loved my friends. I still do.

I think you should love your friends, OP. At least part of that is going to include finding new people that don't exclude you but a bigger part is going to be drinking the kool-aid. Accepting that it sounds really, really dumb to just say these things to yourself over and over again and doing it anyways because it works. My comment's already to long for why, but it does.

>>7920697
All I want, is an ugly BF/GF.
A person that won't cheat on me
A person that will love me for who I am not how I look.
A person that is kind hearted.

I'm a 4/5 out of 10 and it's hard enough just to find someone who will go out with Me. I wouldn't even mind a -10/10 I don't care about how they look, I only care about the person. But I guess everyone is into looks these days.

>>7939548
I'd go out with you! Only problem is that I am anti social neet so I never go out in bars and shit like that,but I'm sure there is someone for anyone

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>>7939548
Would you take a guy like this? This and 50+year old version are all I have attracted in years. There are probably a bunch of guys worse than you if you take any one.

>>7939655
Iitterally don't even care, anti-social neet? No problem. I'm social and have job + degree, I wouldn't mind sorting stuff out at all.
I just hate being alone. I have no one to talk to, no one goes for the average looking guy.

Just having someone to say goodnight would mean so much.

>>7939674
Sure I'd do it. As long as he was a good person I could care less about the rest.

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>tfw gay
>tfw ugly

>>7939701
Then start going for fat nerds and you will be fine.

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>tfw fat ugly and unpassable

>>7939731
Lose weight. I wish being fat was my concern.

>>7939731
>fat
No
>ugly
no
>unpassable
You pass?

I'm a newfag, is this a meme or something?

>>7939742
She could be wearing something to compress her midsection. Look at her arms and face.

>>7939740
i know i need to...
i just will still look ugly and like a man...
>>7939742
i'm not a meme, just a hon...

>>7939731
A little lighter makeup, and you will be gorgeous. Excessive makeup is a clockable feature

>>7939753
oh and nah, it might be just the way the dress is
that and idk my waist dips p far in
>tfw you will never be an xs because you are not small enough
>>7939766
i wanted to see if dramatic stuff would help do i went to sephora for it.
i dfill looked like that after ;-;

>>7939753
She literally has an hourglass shape dude, the only way shed compress it is wirh a corset.

>>7939761
You're not ugly. You're on the wrong thread :)

>>7939770
Then you are built like a dwarf woman. Find a dwarf man and strike the earth.

>>7939771
i'm like a 3/10 at best tho..
>>7939817
i'm too tall for that
>tfw you make 162cm look amazonian level

>>7920697
>their i

>>7939853
>3/10

Anon I'm a 3/10. You're more like a 6/10 maybe a 6.5/10. Not nearly as bad as you think

>>7939986
Yes it was supposed to be "there is"

>>7939986
Plot twist is that I am a phone poster that does not proof read.

>>7939990
i'm sorry i just have rly low self esteem and feel like i'm rly disgusting because i am me, and i can never change that

>>7923448
I love you!

>>7922993
>>7923012
Wow are you me? I dont even get out of the house anymore. I just read all day and browse 4chan. I think I will never be able to get a bf so I just gave up. 21 year old perma virgin by the way.

>>7939761
A hon? What is that? Youre pretty enough to be my gf i you want.

>>7941092
>21yo
don't waste your youth: it will get worst every year. Even if you think you're ugly, you'll still be able to meet guys willing to fuck you/be fucked by you, trust me. About dating, well, expect to date lonely ugly/average guys similar to you.
People are more repulsed by low-self-esteem than plain ugliness.

>>7941738
>don't waste your youth: it will get worst every year.
what's the worst that could happen?

>>7939722
fat nerds dont want me though, fat nerds want someone thats a 10/10

>>7941968
Fat nerds will take anything they can get. Try dating sites and apps.

>>7941092
At 21 you just have to be thin and clean.

I'm 27 and co workers thought I am in my mid 30s because of balding.

>>7939731
ease up on the makeup and you really arent fat at all. Jesus, does everyone in /Lgbt/ have BDD?

>>7942018
>balding
gay death is real

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>>7939548
>All I want, is an ugly BF/GF.

No you dont. People say they want that but when confronted with the reality you will turn around and run like everyone else does. So just get ride of that nonesense and work on finding someone that matches the other qualities. Looks are no guarantee as to the quality of person someone is.

>>7942193
Gay death is more twink and femboy death. I have met plenty of older gays with love lives and a few were bald.