Sex jokes in relationship?

>>7920199
What jokes? What was the context of the sexual fantasy talk? How does it feel like your images is undermined? What content of the things he's said to persuade you?

What jokes?

He's made sexual innuendos and racist comments in front of my mother, made offensive gestures to my disabled brother, and deliberately joked about suicide with a friend who's parent passed from that cause. He's made innuendos about our sex life with my coworkers and their significant others, and innuendos directed towards them. He's shared with me recently that the jokes carry prevalence in his professional life as well - jokes about attraction to guys, marriage, and sexual preferences.


What was the context of the sexual fantasy talk?

In the company of strangers. He brought up a topic regarding a toy we wanted to use and went into depth about how he'd use it with me. He veered off topic with a past fling (see next next answer) to talk about what he wanted to do in great detail.


How does it feel like your images is undermined?

It makes me feel like I can't build a future with him because of the immaturity and lack of self-control despite the great qualities he possesses. That display will reflect very poorly on me in professional settings and in other regards.

What content of the things he's said to persuade you?

We visited one of his past flings. We ultimately wanted to experience a three-way with him. He assured me a number of times he'd let me lead the discussion. Instead, he bluntly asked the guy for sex and neglected everything we'd discussed beforehand. The guy was just as stunned as I was. After that recovery, he continued to make innuendos about giving him blow jobs further excluding me from the conversation they were having, and put pressure on me to make a bunch of decisions I didn't succumb to. There were instances after this when we have been at social functions and he's ushered people to talk about their kinks, and enquire about our own to the point of being threatened to be banned by the host.

One more thing to note, we did have issues of infidelity when we began speaking - he cheated on me 2 years ago for a few months.

Sounds like he's a dick and/or likes to make people uncomfortable (which may include you).

>he cheated on me 2 years ago for a few months.
Hahaha ditch him.
No questions (unless you ask nicely), just do it.

>>7920603
He sounds like a selfish asshole, please leave him.

I'm not looking for judgements about him. I'm looking for a baseline. What's okay, what's not okay. Even if I choose to no longer be with him.

>>7920603
Do you think a cis girl would be right to expect her man not to make hetero sex jokes?

I think it's a little inappropriate to try to generalize a homo relationship with a hetero analogy. There are marked biological and cultural differences, but I do understand the point you're suggesting, however.

>>7920719
Baseline is above everything he's doing. C'mon buddy, you deserve better, that's heartbreaking.

What are his "good qualities", if you don't mind me asking.

He's intelligent, charismatic, handsome, tender, giving, family-oriented, he accepts me for the worse of me, he supports my sense of adventure and ambition wholeheartedly, he is the opposite of who I am as a person in nearly every regard, the good and the bad. I'm analytical and careful, he's carefree and aloof. I am cynical. He is trusting, etc.

>>7920765
>There are marked biological and cultural differences
This is my argument against same-sex marriage.

>>7920603

>he cheated on me 2 years ago for a few months
You're letting him walk all over you, you need to leave him, he's emotionally abusive and doesn't treat you as well as you should be treated!!

hope you're in a better place soon, OP <3

>>7920719

If you've already discussed your dislike of his "jokes" and other issues I'd say it's definitely not okay. Sure, some intimate jokes here and there can be acceptable, but he sounds like he's doing it way too often in a very immature way. I wouldn't submit my partner to jokes like that unless he specifically wanted to. Like you said, even if he's not intentionally meaning to he's undermining you and not putting you in the best light, bedroom experiences should generally stay in the bedroom. I would try to have a serious talk with him and emphasize that you want him to respect you by keeping the bedroom in the bedroom.

Another thing to note I guess, we're both in our early twenties. I started going to therapy after a rough family divorce around the age of 8 and continue therapy until the age of 18. He was raised in a traditional Latino family that swept everything under the rug or looked the other way in lieu of talking about it.

It sounds like you're co-dependent and afraid you can't do better.

Although, it's easy to criticize someone else's relationship. Wish you the best, anon.