Coming out MtF

>>7888103
Be careful about how you phrase it.
>I AM a girl
is not gonna work. Go for something like
>I want to be a girl

Normies don't see you as the gender you want to transition to, before you actually had a few years on HRT
and tb h neither do I. And I'm trans

>>7888129
>>7888103
Oh and to add, it will take months-years (depending on her support) for her to use correct pronouns for you. Expect that

>>7888139
>not just ignoring them if they use deadname or wrong pronouns
that will teach them

>>7888145
>being egoistical enough to want to punish your family for having trouble erasing a loving and happy memory of you that lasted for years, because you want to be called bunself
kys

>>7888151
>not punishing your family for treating you like shit
enjoy being deadnamed forever

>>7888195
I actually don't even own a deadname.

Your parents gave you a name and gender, before you were even born. It lasted longer than you did. How bout you actually try to understand, that it is hard losing a son. People make all kinds of hope for their child to be a handsome succesful male and then you go
>but I wanna wear a dress
Just have some empathy retard. If they don't, you can. Otherwise you don't even deserve it
also
>ignoring is gonna change anything

I'm in a similar situation as OP, but I'm planning on coming out to both my parents at the same time. My parents are also both religious and we live in a rural Southern town. I'd also love some advice.

>>7888268
Consider if it is even worth the risk. You could always start seeing a shrink now and get ready for HRT and move out at the same time. You don't want to be caught offguard, with them making your life a living hell. Or trying to converse you.

If your parents are not that retarded, but actual loving christians, go for it. Same advice as first post

>>7888268
OP here good luck anon.

>>7888287
Already seeing a therapist and planning to start HRT. Not financially stable enough to move out yet unfortunately. I love my parents, and I understand it's gonna be really hard for them to "lose their son." I'm just trying to figure out how to break it to them.

>>7888290
Thanks. I'm probably gonna need it lol.

>>7888307
>I gotta tell you something
>I want to be a girl
answer questions. Try to make it simple and easy to understand. Don't say things that are controversial or easy to twist in your mouth.

basically
>don't think about it
>just blurt it out
>maybe even go 1 on 1
>2v1 is hard

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>>7888211
You expect anybody to show sympathy to controlling dipshits on a power trip that complain when their child takes the necessary steps to improve their lives?

>it is hard losing a son.
She said she was coming out, anon, not commiting suicide. Trans people are fundamentally the same people before and after transition. They're just no longer in hiding anymore.

>People make all kinds of hope for their child to be a handsome succesful male
That's literally their fault. Children shouldn't have to earn their fucking parents' love and acceptance. If a parent prioritizes their own subjective vision of "success" over the child's actual fucking well-being and happiness, they're not fit to raise kids at all.

>>7888211
>that it is hard losing a son
They aren't losing their child. They will just have a daughter instead of a son.

>hope for their child to be a handsome succesful male
You know, parents can also hope for their child to be a successful female. Unless you think that life as a female is worth less than a male.

>but I wanna wear a dress
Holy fuck if you think being trans is only about buying clothes then you're full of shit.

>Just have some empathy retard
OP's not the one lacking empathy, neither the retard here.

>I actually don't even own a deadname
Then what the hell are you doing on trans threads if you aren't trans yourself?

>>7889807
>Unless you think that life as a female is worth less than a male.
Why isn't it?

>>7889818
So you're just a blatant misogynist then

>>7889807
>>7889408
This

>>7888103


>>7888129 I agree with this. Say how you always wished that you were born female and that its really hurting you emotionally.

>>7888268
>>7888307
Don't come out, get on HRT and set your life up. Make sure that losing your parents wont separate you from your ability to provide for yourself. If you do come out, only do it once you're independent.

>come out to mom as mtf
>she flips her shit
>thinks I'm just a gay man
>thinks I'm crazy and sends me to see a therapist
>she sees the same therapist to deal with her own stress
>therapist hears me talk about family issues and my dysphoria
>therapist thinks my mom is the crazy one and that she needs to let me make my own decisions
>therapist tells me if I feel suicidal to call her immediately
>mom now hates my therapist because she actually makes me feel safe and accepted

Coming out as trans is making my life fall apart but I'm just glad I'm not being kicked out (yet). God knows how I'm going to get hrt and electrolysis at this rate though.

I hope everyone else is more careful than me. Don't trust your parents to react well. Feel like I just turned a really positive

>>7893103
edit:
Feel like I just turned a really positive family relationship into a shit show

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>>7888103
my coming out

>be suicidally depressed
>start crossdressing nonsexually in first time in life in private while doing drugs to deal with repression and self-loathing
>start getting carried away with drugs and careless as shit
>smoke like 4 bowls intending to get high as shit as a joke with online friends
>(the joke is they're concerned for my wellbeing so I do more drugs)
>instantly realize THIS ISN'T WEED as the light under my keyboard lens flares so hard I go blind
>heart feels like a jet engine inside a doll, tearing me apart in slow motion
>vomiting up everything inside me and feeling guilt, shame, and terror
>type out to online friends to call 911
>sit around for half an hour trying to stay conscious as my mind and body are shutting down until the police come
>drag me out of my dorm room, in drag, in front of other people in the dorm
>out of my mind, talking to the cops about star trek
>some girl is startled by me and I tell her "you have a story now" in guy voice
>brought to hospital
>filled with stabilizing drugs
>awake hours later
>parents found me in hospital after OD in women's clothing
>when I was drugged up in the hospital I told them I wanted to leave my life behind and go stealth in a new state
>didn't remember ever telling them that

so that's how my parents found out

>>7893146
And I thought I had a bad day
Well I guess they know now

>>7893146
>instantly realize THIS ISN'T WEED as the light under my keyboard lens flares so hard I go blind
wait what was it a bomb? keyboard lens?

>>7889408
Reading this gave me hope again
Just came out and my mom thinks this is the equivalent to commiting suicide.
At least I know that this mindset is totally illogical and I might as well do what's best for me.

>>7893170
>wait what was it a bomb? keyboard lens?
It was having my mind ripped apart by drugs and having my sense of reality broken as I experienced death

the cool part is I'm pretty sure I would be dead if I didn't ask for assistance and maintain my consciousness and calmness before the police arrived, so I can say I'm gud at not dying

>>7893255
oh so you like burnt some other drug or something?

>>7893308
Yeah. Basically I took a huge amount of weed in order to get baked out of my mind 35 minutes before a game of tabletop so when the DM asked me to not get high, I could say "I got high 35 minutes" as a shitty Watchmen reference.

Instead, I took a huge amount of lethal synthetic shit that should have killed me and melted my mind.

>Almost threw my life away over a shitpost

>>7889807
> You know, parents can also hope for their child to be a successful female. Unless you think that life as a female is worth less than a male.
Well, my mother doesn't really care about my "success" in career and society as long as I'm happy about it. Though she does want me to earn more money than I currently do since she can't work anymore due to her age and health issues. Which is understandable.
But there are other things parents expect from their kids. Starting a family and having children, for instance.
My mother is obsessed with me getting a wife and having kids. She wants her bloodline to continue(so they have to be biological children). She wants to see her grandchildren and experience being a grandma. It sometimes gets kinda creepy - like when she refused to throw away a ton of my old children's books, wanting to keep them for my future kids.
Even worse is that my elder brother died less than a year ago. She's still devastated(I understand her), but now she considers me(her only remaining "son") the only hope of our family.
She already knows I'm bi(told her to test the waters), but she pretends I never told her and gets noticeably angry when I mention it.
She's also a conservative Christian and is homophobic(like most of people in my country) - she considers gays to be either mentally ill or perverts, is against marriage and adoption for same-sex couples, and is generally the "do it behind closed doors, don't make your gayness public and don't try to convince others it's something normal" kind of person.
So one can only imagine what she thinks of trans people. She'll probably refuse to believe I can possibly be one, since she's sure she knows me better than I know myself.
That's why I want to wait until I'm more or less passing(hopefully) before coming out to her.

>>7889408
>You expect anybody to show sympathy to controlling dipshits on a power trip that complain when their child takes the necessary steps to improve their lives?
Just that normies don't know you're improving lives. They think you are gonna ruin your life. It's like telling your parents you have aids.
>>7889408
>She said she was coming out, anon, not commiting suicide. Trans people are fundamentally the same people before and after transition. They're just no longer in hiding anymore.
That's why my proposal is to give them time getting used to it. You can not expect them to know it's gonna improve your life until you SHOW them. That's why you gotta stay calm and understanding of them
>That's literally their fault. Children shouldn't have to earn their fucking parents' love and acceptance. If a parent prioritizes their own subjective vision of "success" over the child's actual fucking well-being and happiness, they're not fit to raise kids at all.
true. But no parent in the world accepts this
>>7889807
>Holy fuck if you think being trans is only about buying clothes then you're full of shit.
I'm saying that's what parents think trans is. You gotta prove to them it's not. We are trying to tell them something very important here, so that's why we go to their level.
>Then what the hell are you doing on trans threads if you aren't trans yourself?
My deadname is my new name

>>7893629
>but she pretends I never told her and gets noticeably angry when I mention it.
Examples of how you'd mention it and how she'd respond?

>>7893634
>But no parent in the world accepts this
Some few do.

>My deadname is my new name
Detransitioner?

>>7893704
No my new name is pronounced exactly the same way

>>7893697
Some time after I got my current job she started asking me about the girls at my workplace, trying to convince me to get closer to them.
I'm not particularly interested in any on them, since we don't have much in common, so I just act neutrally friendly towards them. Besides, workplace romance is a whole other can of worms I don't want to get into.
But she was quite persistent and enthusiastic about it, clearly wanting me to socialize more with my new female coworkers than I currently do in order to increase the chance of me getting a gf.
So to make her stop I replied that all girls there are already 20+, and thus they almost definitely all have boyfriends or husbands(sounds stupid, but it was the first line that came to mind). Then I semi-jokingly added that all decent guys there are probably already taken as well.
When I mentioned the guys in the context of me getting a partner, she got noticeably upset(I could see her face changing from a smiling one to a bitter one the moment I mentioned it). She said that I ruined the mood and she doesn't want to continue our conversation, and quickly left the room.
There were also several other occasions when she was annoyingly talking about me getting a gf/wife eventually and I responded with reminding her that it might be a guy. Her reaction was similar.
Also, I once tried to carefully change her opinion on LGBT issues(unsuccessfully) - things like that it's okay if same-sex couples could form civil unions, adopt children and be open about their sexuality. Out of nowhere she told me a story about a son of one of her friends. That son started dating a trans woman("bride with balls", as my mother called her). His mother tried to be accepting at first, but then accidentally saw her son's girlfriend naked(in the shower), and was so shocked that she(his mother) tried to commit suicide. My mother didn't say it out loud, but she was clearly implying that either her friend's son or his girlfriend was at fault.

>>7893747
>She said that I ruined the mood and she doesn't want to continue our conversation, and quickly left the room.
rekt

>>7888103
any other opinions on how to come out?

>>7888103
just... be prepared for the worst case.

before I came out, I thought my mom (only parent) would be fully supportive. shes a conservative Christian, but we were always close and I thought she'd love me unconditionally.

well, coming out to her ruined our relationship. I thought she'd grow to accept me, but she didn't after even a year. I ended up moving out because I couldn't handle the constant confrontations with her. I still love her, but I can't even speak to her on the phone now without her asserting that transitioning is unnatural.

it really hurts desu, leaving my only parent and not having a relationship with her anymore. if I knew she'd react this way before coming out to her, I wouldn't have ever come out at all.

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>>7889408
>You expect anybody to show sympathy to controlling dipshits on a power trip that complain when their child takes the necessary steps to improve their lives?
>She said she was coming out, anon, not commiting suicide. Trans people are fundamentally the same people before and after transition. They're just no longer in hiding anymore.

You're such a selfish, turboindividualist asshole.

A child transitioning to the other gender IS like losing a child. It's been corroborated by many parents of transgender people, they feel like their child is died and they have another child who is a different person.

>>7902083
>turboindividualist
But that's what transition is.

>>7893707
Why would you choose a name that's just a different spelling as your deadname?

That's like being called something masculine like Charles and then continuing being called that after adding
>*short for Charlotte

>>7888103
>>7888319
>just blurt it out
this desu
you'll probably burst into tears but that's okay
don't be too hard on yourself and don't be too hard on them

>>7893146
>instantly realize THIS ISN'T WEED as the light under my keyboard lens flares so hard I go blind
>heart feels like a jet engine inside a doll, tearing me apart in slow motion

I had this when I first started hrt. I just rode it out though because I can handle my shit I guess. Fun story though

>>7888129
It went the opposite way with me, but my mom may also have not wanted to hurt my dad by letting me transition. Ten years later I'm 28 and have the money to switch on my own.

It's a tough road, but be tough and don't let them tell you who you are. Go for it. You're not alone and have a whole community supporting you, regardless of what your parents or anyone else thinks.

>>7893747
Sounds like Eastern Europe.

Could get some advice as well?

I'm currently 4 months on HRT and live with my conservative Hispanic mother. I know that coming out to her would make living at home undoubtedly worse until I could move out but I hate having to hide myself from her.

Like I've finally found the reason why I always felt different and I want to tell her and let her know that her child is gonna be okay. But I can't because her religious beliefs will stop her from being able to have a rational discussion about things.

I'm moving out in August to go off to college and I just would like to know,

Should I send her a letter once I'm at college telling her that I'm trans? Should I wait until she comes up to visit to tell her in person? Can I even hide the effects of HRT for 10 months?

I feel so conflicted.

>>7907004
Because my old name wasn't masculine

>>7913900
tell her while you're away to put some distance and time between the next time you really see her. That will let her calm down a bit if she would have otherwise gotten angry at you.

>>7913926
So like an email?

It just seems so impersonal

>>7913929
some would consider it impersonal, but do you really want to be on the receiving end of a possible explosion by telling her in person? Give it a bit of time for her to cool down, then when you see her in person, you can have a nice discussion about it.

>>7913937
Should I mention like hormones and stuff or just like say I don't feel right as a man and want to be a girl?

>>7913940
Mention that you have been on mones for a while, shows commitment.
And quick tip, make this shit quick. don't write a 24 paragraph epic about your struggles in defining your true gender identity, just tell her that you don't feel right as a man.

>>7913952
What's the harm in explaining things? Why so short?

>>7893146
What a good life in US.

>>7913960
explaining things makes it seem like it's long winded, and not short information to digest. You have to remember that this is going to be hard for her to hear, so make it snappy and easy to get along with.
Remember what Mark Twain said: “I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

>>7913802
Correct. What gave it away?

>>7918229
That attitude to LGBT was too strong even for the Deep South.

i've been on HRT for 3 years and my parents still use male pronouns and my deadname

i've honestly given up on trying to correct them because it makes me feel miserable whenever i mention the topic

note that i have a great relationship with them, they were perfectly ok with me being trans and all that jazz but they just can't get those two things right....sometimes my mom mentions "are you still taking those pills" or "do you really have to keep taking them", she probably thinks im not trans but whatever, my life is pretty shitty and only my partner makes it better

>>7918695
i also have a great relationship with them but i made it clear that i'd cut contact with them if i had to, if they kept pulling shit like this
worked out now they don't do that shit anymore

>>7918695
> i've been on HRT for 3 years
That alone means nothing. What matters is whether or not you pass. Including your voice, which doesn't change on HRT at all.

>>7893104
>Feel like I just turned a really positive family relationship into a shit show
If it makes you feel any better that was a disaster waiting to happen. It's not really a positive relationship if you're going to be rejected for having a medical condition.

>>7913940
Mentioning HRT shows that not only does this clearly matter to you a lot but you're doing something practical about it, which shows tem that being trans is an actual thing and not just about your feels or whatever. The same applies to talking about it in terms of dysphoria and how it impacts your life rather than how you "feel like a girl inside".