How to talk to straight guys?

become a girl so you can just b urself :)

>>7888090
>become someone you're not to make people like you
That's the opposite of beeing yourself, anon.

>>7888090
But I don't want to be a girl

>>7888086
Imagine theyre a fag, but you yourself aren't their type of guy they like

>>7888112
But I don't know HOW to be myself... Or at least be happy with who I am?

>>7888114
Well that would just make me feel even uglier than I already do

>>7888121
Oh fucking Christ, don't be such a candy ass

>>7888128
HOW DO I NOT BE A CANDY ASS

>>7888086
I'm guessing you're kinda young? I remember feeling like this in high school/early in college. You'll stop feeling shame when you stop having shame about it. You can't really fake it away, you have to actually do the internal work on yourself and put in the effort it takes to get the fuck over and build yourself up. Most people don't do that which is why so many fags end up acting like obnoxious idiots, they're just drowning out that inner voice that makes them feel like shit all the time. You can't rely on other people's opinions/perceptions, you have to have the inner strength and character to believe in yourself and know for yourself that you have nothing to be ashamed of regardless of what anyone else may think of you.

I don't have any tips for being yourself around straight guys, but I would advise you to stop trying to make friends with people you don't really have anything in common with and that you can't comfortably be yourself around. There really is no benefit to that and you'll just end up learning how to repress yourself... which is only something worth learning if you are already an obnoxious faggot who needs to come back down to earth.
I don't mean to say you should avoid them, but stop trying to be their friend and impress them. Just don't even attempt it or let it enter into your mind. Think of them like some stranger you're standing in line with at a store and have some meaningless conversation about the weather with to pass the time of waiting until you can leave.

Get therapy if you need it, it might be easier to have someone else who's trained to deal with this kind of think help you process your bullshit and figure it out.

But as long as you don't go into full denial flaming queer/masc4masc mode, and you don't hide yourself away from everyone, you'll just grow out of it eventually. The older you get the less patience you have for giving a fuck about other people's opinions.

>>7888086
that's my fetish.

>>7888133
By stop being a faggot who's afraid of what other men say about you

>>7888143
Thank you for taking the time to write that.
I'm not exactly young, I'm 25. And I feel like I'm just getting worse as I'm getting older.
I don't know. I don't know what to do, me being insecure about being manly is just the start of a long list of reasons I'm not comfortable being myself and who I am.
I've known for a while I need some serious therapy. I just wish I could write to a therapist, typing all this out online is easy, saying it to an actual person sitting in front of me, that sounds like I'd rather die to be quite honest

>>7888153
Yeah... Once again..how? "Stop doing that" doesn't really fucking help me now does it

>>7888163
>saying it to an actual person sitting in front of me, that sounds like I'd rather die to be quite honest

hnnnggg anon stop.

>>7888163
>saying it to an actual person sitting in front of me, that sounds like I'd rather die to be quite honest

well that's obviously part of your problem and probably the best thing you could do to finally get over it.

It's like how therapists help people with OCD who are obsessed with being clean by forcing them to play in the dirt.

You need to face your fears to get the fuck over it, and the more you avoid facing it the worse it gets.

>>7888086
>I'm scared of them being homophobic.
>Its getting to the point where I'm ashamed of my lack of masculinity. I just want to be a man and I don't feel like I am, and its killing my self esteem. I hate the though of people hearing me talk and thinking I'm some kind of faggot. I don't want to be seen as a fairy.
If you think this of straight guys, you should think this of straight girls.

>>7888183
Well...no, I've not had any experience with a girl who has had issue with my sexuality. Men on the other hand, too many. I just expect it from them now
and I know that I shouldn't. But how can you tell from face value, who is going to be a cunt about it and who isnt

>>7888181
Okay I appreciate that...
So, how does one go about A) getting a therapist
B) get a therapist that definitely going to be a woman, because if I get there and a dude is sat waiting for me, I might just about shit my pants
And C)I'm scared that I will get there and not feel like I can go through with it? And just waste everybody's time

I feel like I need my mum to arrange this for me

>>7888163
Its not easy anon
Nothing in Life is easy anon
Life is very painful
You should be worried if you suddenly have no pain or anxiety, it means something screwy is a foot, or somebody drugged you

>>7888086
Stop lisping, stop with the limp-wrist hand gestures, and speak properly.

>>7888354
Stressing vowels and 's' sounds isn't lisping

>>7888086
behave like a non-faggot. You can be yoursel to some extent, but just ditch the overly gay stuff. You know how normies behave. Adapt and evolve

>>7888202
Just expect most people in life to be cunts about everything. People are cunts.

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31KB, 640x360px

>>7888086
Op I'm trans mtf but I have a few friends that are gay and few like straight bro type friends that all intermingle with each other in my little group. The gay guys of the group are honestly themselves. They can all talk about them fucking their boyfriends or them being fucked and the straight dudes can talk about how much pussy they're getting and there's not a problem. The straight guys come to the gay clubs for birthdays and stuff. What I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to be yourself like for real these guys are so open with each other because they're all themselves idk don't think to much into it you know.

>>7888202
>I've not had any experience with a girl who has had issue with my sexuality.
Just because they treat you like some novelty pet doesn't mean they don't have an issue with it.
Men are just more upfront about their dislike of you.

>how can you tell from face value, who is going to be a cunt about it and who isnt
They all are.

>>7888121
What the fuck? So is there not a single guy on the planet you're not attracted to? Why does a guy not being into you make you feel ugly? Seek professional help.

>>7888936
That sounds really nice although I laughed at the implication that you're the one person who can't talk about getting laid.

>>7888086
>I feel like I want to talk, but have no idea what to say or how to hold a conversation.

You need
>To be honest I worry that they will think I'm camp or feminine. I'm scared they will figure out I'm gay and instantly think I fancy them or going to 'touch them' .

It's not only the way you talk, your face and the way you walk could also reveal your faggotry.
If you want to make friends with them, they will eventually find out that you are gay. It is better for them to know from the beginning, than having a friendship going, they finding out and being homophobic.

>I'm scared of them being homophobic.

So what?, you can't change that. They will just act coldly, they are not going to beat you up.

>Its getting to the point where I'm ashamed of my lack of masculinity.

You can't change that either. You can go to the gym and do some rough sport to look more masculine, but it won't change how you feel on the inside.

>>7888086
Hi, OP(and anons),

I'm 22 and experience the same thing. What I find it boiling down to is I don't have anything in common with these types of guys, like another anon mentioned. It sounds like you're experiencing the same thing, given you say you don't know what to talk about that they'd relate to (i.e. a lot of mainstream straight guys like sports, vaginas/boobs (the objectification is real), and shit-talking in my experience, and I agree/relate to none of those items...).

What I want to get at are two big things: 1) you can still talk to these people (and other demographics you feel you don't share anything in common with) and 2) you don't have to be a match to the ideal image of masculinity (pro-tip: it's impossible for anyone).

As far as talking with other people, it's going to be a risk every time (that goes for anyone). You're not in these people's heads, so you don't know what's going on. Instead, know yourself well enough about what you like to talk about that others likely would too. What's new in the movies, what's going on in the world, what about some good news about a mutual friend or education? "Intersectionality" is what I'm getting at. There are overlaps, just prod around for them. You can always let your friend start the conversations and weigh in too. It depends on what is it you value in these relationships and much you want to invest in them.

>cont.

>>7889104
Dude you don't even know. I can be like that guy is hot or cute or I'm really into this dude. While all the guys are like suck this lick that fuck them. It doesn't really bother me desu because I never been that way even before I transitioned it was weird for me to talk like that in front of them iunno.

>>7888086
everyone is homophobic and you can't do anything about it. so stop worrying.

>>7889641
As for masculinity itself, I think you really need to sit down and consider how you define and value it. What does it mean to be a man, at the heart of it all? Think it through, and you're going to find it comes down to some version of "to thine own self be true." I don't want to propose it as a game of on-up-manship; there's something more meaningful than superficial masculinity though. Here's a little story to demo that:

I have two younger brothers, a mother, and a father who likes to drink. Both of my younger brothers (all of us are in a 4 year are range) are more masculine in just about every sense (heterosexual, strong, athletic, strong "bro" relationships, etc.). Mom and dad, both a bit drunk, get into a fight, and dad gets physical. My dad hit my youngest brother and hit my mom. My middle brother, the toughest one there, sat and watched my dad; I physically intervened, got people to safer spots, and called the cops. Between my middle brother and I, who's more of a "man?"

What I'm getting at is that my brothers, these boys who are totally invested in those boys' club ideas, weren't men when it came time to act on it, for all their masculine mumbo jumbo (and being their brother, I can tell you they're not cowards, and this was something alien to them). It took the faggot, the nerdy, musical loving fairy, to do the right thing, to be strong in adversity, to enact responsibility, and just make sure people were safe. When it came down to it, it didn't matter who was more of a "bro", it was who was being responsible. There are plenty of values, behaviors, and attributes that are more important (on societal and personal levels, from what I've seen) than those we normally attribute to superficial appearances like masculinity.

On that same note, you can still have really masculine gays who become totally submissive for their daddies in bed. The more you look at how people portray themselves vs. how they act, you get to see it's not a gender thing.

>>7888149
What, gay men being ashamed of their lack of masculinity? Or something else?

>>7888086
ARE you camp? Does it not bother you around women because they're more feminine than you anyway?

I mean, idk, you shouldn't exactly try to fake being something you're not. But before this era, how many gay men were really that camp, anyway? Two centuries ago, were gay men frequently camp? Does it not seem to you like this is a subculture thing that gets subconsciously ingrained in gay men as they come out?

Like, if you really can't hide less-masculine mannerisms, then that's who you are. There have always been people like you, and people don't all have to be the same way. But are you sure that's "really" what you're like anyway?

Also, if you don't know how to talk to someone, it's probably partially because you haven't found a topic in common yet. Don't spend all your time around straight guys trying to force yourself to talk about things they only want to talk about. Probe for something you have in common.

One of my best friends is a straight guy and we spend all our time together talking about politics, which we're mutually interested in. It's not a hard conversation at all.