LGBT + Depression

>>7860241
One day scientists will be able to turn me into a cis girl.

>have one short fleeting chance of existence in this universe
>cutting it short

Finish your fucking meal.

Depression is pretty shit now but imagine how much worse life could be.

My idea of death is that when you die, consciousness disappears, the next thing that "you" are "aware" of is a next life. If you were aborted or an animal that isn't intelligent enough to be self aware, you are just never 'sentient' about it, or something.

Imagine the hand of cards life could have given you instead of being LGBT in a first world.

You could be one of those people living in those sewers that all have AIDS in some shithole country I don't remember the name of.

You could be in China working 90 hours a week in a factory for literally nothing with no future whatsoever.

You could be in the middle east and getting your head cut off just for not being devoted enough.

Life is pretty rough but I'm convinced that in no way shape or form will there be anything better on the other side, just more suffering.

It's so tempting to kill myself now but the only thing keeping my alive is the scary idea that whatever else I'll go to will be worse.

My parents may be not the best but they deserve better than me. The least I could do is not jump off our 5th floor I guess.

>>7860241
Idk honestly. Just kind of hanging around to see if shit gets better. I'm hoping that once I move things will improve but I doubt it. I always hate people that say "don't worry it gets better" like they know the fucking future or some shit.

>>7860241
I have a little bit of money and I haven't come up with the right vacation/thing to spend it on before killing myself.

Also, waiting to see if things get better or worse.

>>7860304
>I always hate people that say "don't worry it gets better" like they know the fucking future or some shit.
They're talking from personal experience, life gets better when you move out of home, earn your independence, upgrade to a better and more meaningful job, find a partner, etc.
There's been research about this pointing to middle age people being the most content with their lives.

>>7860264
Why do you believe in reincarnation?

>>7860241
Self-actualization
Yes, it's cringy, but I don't have much else.
Going to see if I can obtain influence and power, then let my cruel sharpness be my defining characteristic, in the hopes of ruining other people's happiness, and making them betray themselves by being unable to not admire me despite it.

I have a family who I can comfortably speak to, who understands me, and who supports me.

I'm currently in university as a full-time student right now and working 30 hours a week so while that's extraordinarily stressful I know that I can pay off my student loans (Federal, not through a private lender - Thank God) probably by the time I graduate

I'm seeing someone right now and we're developing a strong mutual connection

Not having to worry about rent and food costs is fucking wonderful

I'd say that in terms of depression, employment is a huge huge factor in combating it. Having something to do and people to talk to is incredibly helpful and the difference is night and day.

>>7860337
>middle age people being the most content with their lives
Okay, so I guess the mid-life crisis thing is just a meme then.

In all seriousness however, not everyone's lives will improve in the future. Some people will go on to achieve happiness, find love, or become content with themselves. Others won't be so lucky and will remain in the shitters for their entire miserable existence.

>>7860344
Not really sure.

The first thing I remember, that I can consciously put together is memories of when I was a little baby. Bits and fragments. I remember absolutely nothing before that. Those first memories I had, as far as I knew, that's when time began for me, there was nothing before that either. And there should be nothingness after death.

You can't perceive nothingness, it's just...nothing. As far as I know, I don't remember or perceive the infinite oblivion of death or at least non-existence. Ergo it only makes sense to me that immediately after you die, the first thing that "you" can "perceive" is the next life you start.

I wouldn't call it reincarnation, more like the cruelest joke evolution ever created, for humans to be intelligent enough to be trapped in a cycle of death and pain forever.

>>7860359
If you're in your youth and aware of how life may go to shit later on you could just, you know, work against it.

Where do you absolutely not want to be?
What do you need to do to avoid that situation?
Now you have a guide.

>>7860419
Not that anon, but a guide isn't a guarantee; it's impossible to plan for all possibilities.

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>>7860241
I've been through too much already to just give up and kill myself. And honestly like others have said and as cliche as it sounds I know things will one day get better, it just takes effort, time, and more suffering.

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>>7860241
I've been through alot in my life. My gender problems my sexuality, being shamed into the closet for years, sexual abuse, bdd, bullied in school alot, narcissistic parents, I think I'm bi polar but I haven't checked to make sure, being the ugly middle child, extreme loneliness, alot of stuff just tears me down. I'm honestly close to not caring about anybody and just offing myself this year on my birthday I try to get out of the cycle but I cant I just end up back at square one. In all honesty if my parents had accepted me when I came out when I was younger I probably wouldn't be dealing with alot of my problems, but there are some where I just feel like it's me like I'm just destined to be worthless idk what's keeping me here I will never have a family or be in a relationship so I don't have anyone to worry about like that. My family might be a little devastated but I think it's for the best if I just leave. But that whole life after death scares the shit out of me like just having nothingness consume you for eternity it's just a scary image for me.

My little sister would be very sad. She's young enough that if I killed myself then she wouldn't be able to understand why. And that would really fuck with her.

I don't want anyone in my family to have to go through that.

I don't have access to a suicide method close enough to foolproof yet, and I know if I try and fail I won't be allowed a second chance.

My beloved girl. I love her more then myself, life and the whole world. She is the centre of my world, and so i am centre of her own. Worst part that i know that I am her only reason to live and she cannot live without me, too.
I want to make her happy, so I shall stand. Without her, i would die long time ago.
(Me - mtf, and she is cis one)

>>7860241
>what ties you to this plane of existence?
I will die by his hand and his hand alone.

>>7860344
Not them. I don't really believe in supernatural reincarnation as such, but it seems likely that people psychologically similar to you will be born after you die, unless humanity goes extinct in the near future. Presumably people very similar you existed before you were born, too.

>>7860241
fear of pain while dying
don't want to hurt others around me

>>7860241
I stay alive so that one day I may rain chaos and destruction upon all the people who have wronged me as a twisted way of thanking them for all the anger they inspired in me, and how that anger gave my depression a purpose. I am going to get revenge for the ways my younger, stupider self was taken advantage of, and I absolutely refuse to die until I do.

>>7863042
Are you me? The only part about death that scares me is the pain before that and if i fail to an hero properly

>>7860337

their personal experience doesn't mean life gets better for everyone... making blanket statements like "it gets better" is pretty stupid... "it might get better" or "it can get better" is more what people should say...

>>7860241

i'm alive cuz my s/o feels like he needs me... that and other people who care about me say similar things... i don't care about myself, but i care about them so i'm alive... if they were a non issue i would've killed myself a long time ago

It's a subject I'm dealing with right now. It isn't very bad, no one hates or anything like that, but I'm still depressed.

I've lead a pretty happy life, because I always thought I was asexual. I never had romantic or sexual thoughts about anyone, not even in my teens, even though my body and mind developed fairly normally. And that's probably why something so stupid hurts so much, it's because I've got no prior experience with things like this, and I'm in my late twenties.

Anyway, to the problem itself. About half a year ago, I started having these... a little bit more affectionate feelings for my long-time friend. He's pretty much the only friend I've ever had, we've known each other since highschool. I've never liked him like this in the past, of course I've always loved him as a friend, because he's been there to support me through some hard times, but never anything romantic or sexual.

But now, I fell absolutely in love with him, over course of couple months. I don't know why it happened, nothing about him or our friendship really changed, but I just started loving him very fiercely. These days, he's pretty much all I ever think about, and I masturbate thinking about him every day. I want to be his bottom, I want it more than anything else. I want him to take me, roughly. And I want to do sweet and lovey-dovey things with him, I want to go on dates and to the movies and all that usual crap.

Of course, it took me some time to gather the courage, but finally a couple months ago I had the balls to tell him about it. I told him about everything, my feelings and my sexual fantasies too. He took it nicely, listened carefully and told me there was nothing I should feel bad for. He really didn't mind, said he appreciates my feelings a lot, and even felt safe enough to joke about it a little. It didn't seem to weird him out in any way, and I was happy.

cont.

>>7863770

But then theres the part that bothers me. I never thought this would be more than just a fantasy, and I was actually quite sure that my confession would make him hate me, so I was prepared to face the truth, and just continue masturbating and fantasizing. That possibility, the very likely possibility, didn't make me sad or depressed, because I know how to deal with reality. I never bother with worrying about things I can't do shit about.

But he told me, my long-time friend who I had fallen in love with told me, that he'd gladly be my boyfriend, and top me as much as my butthole could just take, take me on all the dates he just could, if it made me happy. He said that he cares about me a lot too, and wants me to feel good and loved, and said I was being very cute because I admittedly cried a little bit while telling him all this. He said it wouldn't be a problem at all, and that he would be happy to do that much for his precious best friend.

...If it weren't for his girlfriend. My friend has a girlfriend, who is very possessive and fragile, and he doesnt want to leave her, or cheat on her. It's understandable, I know he saved her from suicide with his affection and love a couple years ago, and even now he said he's afraid she'd kill herself if he suddenly left. He needs to take care of the poor girl, and I know that and recognise that.

But still, it's tearing me to pieces. Knowing that my biggest fantasy is so close, yet so far. Knowing that he'd be willing to do it, that he'd want to love me and make me feel happy, but it will never happen.

That's why I'm depressed and sad, and have no idea what the fuck I should do. I've been trying to act casual around him, and I don't think he suspects that I'm feeling bad, but I honestly feel like I could kill myself any second. But I just love him so much, I don't want to leave him here, and go away myself. I want to stay as close to him as possible.

I could use some kind words and advice, honestly. wat do?

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i dunno lol

seriously though, i have no reason to stay alive

>>7863774

threeway?

>>7863534
That is exactly the way i see it. If i kill myself, first i want to take everything that caused me unwanted pain and make them suffer until they beg for death.

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>>7863774
>he's afraid she'd kill herself if he suddenly left
He's cucked for life by the vaginal jew, there is no hope left for you unless this happens >>7863976
Sorry anon, you should keep trying with another duderino, i know it's hard, but you can't win against that unless he loves you as desperately as you love him.

>>7867734
Will I ever find someone like him again? Like I said, I'm in my late twenties, 27 to be exact, and I've never felt anything even remotely like this for anyone before. It feels like the movies were right this time, and he's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me. Please tell me that I'm just being stupidly emotional, and that I don't have to suffer like this until I finally have the balls to end it all.

I just don't think it could happen. we've know each other for over a decade, and he's been my dearest, closest friend all this time. He's been there for me, when I've been sad and depressed in the past, and he's always cared about me a lot. He's the most important person in my life.

First off, I'd have to find someone as firendly and loving and handsome and kind, and then spend the next decade with him desperately trying to love him, while still hurting like hell from this thing. Seems like a thing I'd rather not do. And anyway, there's just something so special to him, that I don't think it'd be possible to replace him.

I can't take it, I'm pretty sure.

>>7863976
>>7867734
And the idea of a threeway seems pretty silly to me. I seriously doubt the girl would be willing, and it'd weird me out too, if I'm honest.

Weed helps.
Music helps.

>>7868925

being someone's friend can be just as meaningful as another kinda relationship, and not everyone can go from friends to couple and have that work out without destroying things completely... if you value having him in your life, and his friendship maybe that's what's actually important rather than the fantasy of what dating him is...

and maybe you just need to be friends first to feel an attraction, no you won't just find someone who you'll have that exact history with, but every new person you meet comes with the chance to build what's between you both... some people won't need a decade to get that level of close to you, sometimes that happens rapidly when you meet the right person... and if you do and nothing comes between you and him then you'll have your friendship and someone you can have a relationship with...

if your friend feels the same but is choosing his gf then that's what he's choosing... there's options (open relationship, three person relationship, cheating) that he isn't cheating and you gotta accept that and let go... be friends and see what happens... assuming their relationship will last forever or that you'll always have these feelings and never meet anyone else isn't helpful...

>>7868931

there's just only so many situations where you can get what you want with him in some capacity... that's one of them...

in my personal experience threeways are a good time, both for sex and dating... just saying

Even though Im in complete shit, I can dream that my future will be better. I dont really believe it will, but its my only hope.