/pg/ - pity general

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I'm particularly pathetic so I'll kick things off. I am broken and weak. I feel pathetic when I read about trans people like Janae Kroc or people who get born with horrible deformities and still keep on fighting to live. I am relatively lucky by transgender standards, in that I have a chance at life, but right now, by regular girl standards, I am disgusting. I am thankful puberty didn't make me look like a man, because that would be hell and I really would have been driven to suicide, but I cannot be happy looking a deformed boy-girl chimera. I feel like I cannot seek out friendship or emotional support because I am too malformed. I have nothing right now, and I am scared I won't make it to ever see myself get FFS and unfuck my face. I've already posted my ugly ass before but if you are curious http://imgur.com/a/lR1dr (I'm a bit uglier in person) No need to tell me about how I'll ok or how beauty standards are unrealistic. Pity is the only thing anyone can offer.

>>7764339
You really don't look that bad anon. You probably have BDD the way you obsess about it. Most of passing comes down to effort and knowing how to dress to your body's strengths.

>>7764339
You don't look bad at all, just start HRT.

>>7764376
I have. I was on it from March-July, then I quit because I had a legit suicidal mental breakdown and didn't care, now I've been back on it for like 2 weeks. So I'm not sure where I am HRT timeline wise, but I believe there is little left that it can do for me

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>tfw gonna be alone forever
>tfw when back to worrying about some health problems

pic unrelated. Thinking of getting a sub to ffxiv to kill some time till I see a doctor

>>7764408
Give it time. Even the 4 months a while back aren't enough to have very noticeable outside changes. Just stick with it and keep in mind that it'll only get worse if you quit. Give it about a year's time and you should feel better.

>>7764328
Im going to end my life. I don't want sympathy. that's all.

>>7764412
you sound cute, at least samantha sounds like a cute name. gif is pretty hot too tho, i hope u can find someone nice to do sexy stuff with

>>7764432
Why do you feel like you need to end your life?

>>7764481
25, look years older than my age from stress, because I'll never pass and waited too long to do this, and because I'm fucked and will never pass. It's over. good riddance.

>>7764489
Have you already been on HRT and exhausted everything it can do for you?

I look terrible but Im not as bad off as some transwomen are. However, my body image and self esteem are so warped that no matter how much Ive improved I always see an absolute monster in the mirror.

>>7764535
I've been on it for a couple weeks but it won't do much for me. I have a big nose, going to get surgery for that but I still won't pass well. I'm 5'11" as well, I won't be able to have breasts since I won't have money for them (and no boyfriend or girlfriend because boobs matter and I wont have any), my voice is doomed and I don't have money for surgery for that (no one will date that). And I look older than my age from stress of fighting this shit and now that I've accepted it I'm fucked.

When I was 15 I should've done it, but I felt like I could live as a male back then. I would kill someone to go back to then and make things right. I make a good looking guy but I fucking hate it.

I'm already 26, it's over. Im done with this bullshit. I give up.

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>>7764564
This is me.
I look like a hideous dog food faced monstrosity.

>>7764581
you're probably gonna get shit from other anons, but honestly, you've at least got some feminine features. and i know it's obvious but losing some weight can only help.

>>7764581
I am sorry that you feel like a monstrosity. But your facial features aren't too masculine from what I can see, losing weight and staying on HRT can only help. Shit there's some black women that look manly as hell. Right now if you had some dyed hair or something I could see you being a fat dyke

>>7764599
I honestly expected more negativity. Compared to what I've seen other hon's get, this is as close to possitive reinforcement as I think I will ever get here.
Thank you.
Also, I'm working on the weight thing.

>>7764615
>Right now if you had some dyed hair or something I could see you being a fat dyke.
That actually made me feel better. Thank you.

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>>7764472
>you sound cute, at least samantha sounds like a cute name
Thanks I like it. I picked it cause the only samantha I ever knew was like my hero
>i hope u can find someone nice to do sexy stuff with
heh. right now I just want to hold someone

>>7764328
i have a decent social life compared to what people would expect but have completely neglected it lately and am entirely isolated
i'm moderately autistic with what i only recently identified as brain damage that's been building up for several years from a condition (sleep apnea) that i'm currently undergoing tests for but the waiting list to get tested is several months long and i can't live like this for that much longer, i can treat it alone through weight loss (i don't look fat by normie standards but i am by bmi and that's what matters) but the aforementioned brain damage makes it fucking difficult to have coping mechanisms for boredom other than eating
i am incapable of caring for myself or being self-sufficient and i desperately need a gf so i can have any quality of life due to my lack of independence but girls don't date disabled guys, especially disabled dickless manlets
i don't pass nearly as well as i would have expected to by this point, especially given my relatively (blockers at 15) early transition, and look like a bizarre freakazoid -- my long hair isn't helping, but i'm too depressed to get it cut
i haven't written anything in a long time, i haven't drawn anything in a long time, i haven't done anything in a long time and because of my brain damage i can't think enough to focus on doing something independently, but again people do not talk to people who cannot do things independently or treat them as human beings at all
i just want my manic pixie dream girl to save me

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>>7764755
How did you tell you had sleep apnea? The thought of having it and not knowing is terrifying.

Don't trust BMI. It doesn't map well between the sexes and being trans will only make it less applicable. See link and pic.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_mass_index#Limitations

>>7764850
>How did you tell you had sleep apnea? The thought of having it and not knowing is terrifying
series of events went something like this:
>several years of exhaustion
>assume problem is being adolescent
>exhaustion worse than normal adolescence
>assume problem is delayed sleep phase disorder
>restructure life around delayed sleep phase
>still tired with increasingly poor executive functioning (which is a bitch when you're already autistic)
>decide to fall for the psychiatry meme for first time ever and take antidepressants
>still tired with poor executive functioning and crippling emotional issues secondary to those things
>quit antidepressants, assume problem is antidepressant withdrawal
>problem lasts far, far longer than antidepressant withdrawal logically would
>assume problem is not having t
>start t
>still tired, nonfunctional, extremely depressed
>decide to look up why i'm even more tired when i wake up than when i fall asleep
>well, that explains it
so i should be seeing a sleep clinic in anywhere between six and twelve months
>Don't trust BMI
i've extensively researched bmi and the issues with it and have concluded it is very trustworthy for almost everyone, including me
in fact i'm confident it's underestimating my problem because i have rather a paucity of muscle mass (i'm in the high end of overweight by bmi but most likely obese by bf%)

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right now my biggest problems aren't even gender related, but I'm going to post them anyway because who cares.
>probably failing 2/3 of my classes
>can barely work up the motivation to do any work, and when i do, half the time i'm too anxious or generally embarrassed to turn things in or show up to class
>too dumb to do cs or math even though i really love those subjects and try as hard as i can (which isn't all that hard due to aforementioned lack of motivation), will probably end up with shit useless major or drop out and become a literal hikki
>have 2 or 3 friends but isolate myself and avoid socialization because it's exhausting and feels like a lie
>one i autistically came out to as trans even though we haven't ever even been that close, she didn't react all that badly but i still regret it and have been pretending i never even brought it up since
>family thinks gays are gross and trannies are worse, don't even have one distant relative (that i know of) that isn't 100% cishet
>khv, not likely to change in the foreseeable future, the idea of anonymous hookups terrifies me
>eating disorder caused by dysphoria

>>7764328
I start out each semester with 12-15 credits and high hopes, but 3-4 weeks in, I lose all happiness and drop all of my classes. I also work 20-30 hours a week. Help me be less pitiful.

>>7764936
>trigger.tiff

>>7765214
?

>want to try and share story about girl I like for some pity
>my decisions don't even make sense to me and are embarrassing enough to make me not want to share said story
Well, next time I fall in love I'm keeping it to myself

>>7765291
just go ahead and post it. i'll toss you a few pity points, i swear

>>7764328
Pity is for pathetic faggots. Rise above

I wish I had the will to live but
>fear of guilt and shame is a weary motivator
>nothing has changed from 11 to 26
>the pain gets worse
>struggle with sexuality and identity the whole time
>pretty sure I'm just AGP from repressing my female attraction and not really trans
>convinced myself I'm a girl because I never fit in with boys and am primarily androphiliac
>hoped HRT would make me feel better
>still feel the same
I want to know what it takes to be happy or to get out of life with consequence

>>7765337
okay I need those pity points don't let me down. I can go into a lot of details but I'll try and keep it short and I'm tired so I'll prob mess things up
>meet girl
>decide to get her number from a mutual friend out of the blue
>thispersonskindareallycute.jpeg
>don't think about it a whole lot
>see her again later
>feelings. suddenly feelings everywhere feelings over there, oh and over there and some more behind there
>see movie together
>leans her head on me while laughing, lose my breath, eyes water and heart starts racing
>senses go fucked up, everything is bright I can feel things by looking at them, body is warm and fuzzy that's not happened in like 9 years
>legs touching whole time
>fall completely in love
>skipping a lot
>kissing and hand holding
>me a neurotic loser with no self esteem
>get turned down by her
>soul never returned to my body kek
>still talk for months
>sad over being ignored by her last time we hung out
>ignore her for a week when shes in town so I don't go though that again and in general too nervous to see her
>fast forward a few days ago
>friends been telling me to give it up since like october
>encouraged to stop talking to her
>remove her from contacts and anyone I know who knows her
>lay in bed shivering with goosebumps all over my body feeling sick
>feels like someone died

tl;dr love girl, stopped talking to girl because I'm retarded

>>7765467
I was gonna post this back in early sept:
>be me
>dating a girl
>meet her ex gf and hang out once
>message a bit
>some small talk with her online
>break up with gf (long story)
>tell her about the break up
>she seems cool and I'm happy we got to be friends
>makes me feel a lot better about leaving
>think of her every now and then
Some time passes
>hang out again irl
>suddenly have all these feelings
>she laughs at my shitty jokes, touches my hair, and gives me looks
>go to a movie with her and a few others
>really hoping she will sit beside me and make room
>she does
>she leans into me while laughing at movie
>shocked by how I respond, heart rate flys off, lose breath, kinda dizzy
>been wanting to kiss her all day
>continues to put her head on me while laughing every now and then
>i move my leg closer cause I'm too nervous to do anything else but I want to touch her so much
>legs are pretty much touching whole movie
I'm seeing her again and I'm nervous. Am I overthinking this or are some people just a little physical? Am I an asshole for feeling this way?

tl;dr: I'm getting feelings for my ex gfs ex gf, what do

>tfw lost a friend over her because they got so outrageously jealous and upset
I don't ever get like this I lost my shit and bawled my eyes out in front of them when I found out shes moving away (thought it would be a lot sooner ie oct)

>>7765467
that does sound pretty shit, but honestly there's probably not a whole lot you could have done differently. there's really no reason to keep talking to someone who dumps you so quickly. and if you just went on one date like it sounds like, who knows if you would even have been compatible.

>>7765258
>Your pic is triggering
>.tiff is a file extension

>>7765551
I thought she'd just be a pal you know but then I got all these feelings. I gotta learn how to keep friends better.

>>7765551
Also to clarify we were just hanging out wasn't a date other people were there we never went on a date

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I'm trans mtf I actually started hormones in 2013 when I was 22 but I been presenting adrogynous/part time since 20 21 and been on and off for really shitty reasons. I wanted this since I was really young but physical abuse and sexual abuse from my family and bullying from my classmates all through out my school life made me repress who i was. Now I'm 27 and I know I kind of have it better than most I'm 5'4 I have and I could pass extremely well when I was presenting but time has passed and I'm 27 now and I just decided to transition all the way. I'm ugly and to masculine i've been on hormones for close to 6 months now and people still sir me or they pity me and treat me like one of the "girls" but it's all just fake. I appreciate what they're doing for me but I want a real pass not a pity pass. I recently thought of detransitioning but I cant I get extremely dysphoric and have panic attacks where I throw up. I recently started dreaming about this beautiful life where everything went okay and I'm the person I am meant to be. I'm stuck I'm thinking about buying a gun and ending it this year. I just want to be who I am and finally be me instead of hiding behind masks all the fucking time hiding behind fake identities trying to find a place in a gender I never wanted to be. I'm tired of hiding for the sake of others.
I'm 27 and I just feel like I'm starting to live the life I wanted too but even then I lost the light I had. While my family and friends are starting to have careers and families I'm over here just now beginning my life, and even then I might just end it. I wish I would of fought harder for who I was and started in middle school when dysphoria got worse I wish I just fought for who I was. No one will ever love an unpassable tranny I dont even want to be hot I just want to be normal human being for a change. I will never and have never been a man but it hurts worse that I will never be a woman either.

>>7765693
You waited till you were 27, what did you expect?

>>7765693
FFS is a thing, the fact that its a thing is whats keeping me going, i will not die until I unfuck my face

>>7765921
>i will not die until I unfuck my face

Why is this so relatable? I just want to die beautiful.

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i love fat guys but they seem to be only gay because they cant get a woman
i also cant find any fat guys who are also /lgbt/
they are like teddy bears

>>7765544
>ex gfs
>ex friends

every post you make involves you wanting love and you drop people left n right. makes me wonder, trip senpaitachi

you have my pity for being the poster child for neurotics

My parents think I am a failure. Truth is, I could never compete with them, they always find a way to overwhelm me. I feel beside myself with nervousness whenever I am near them, even though I am a grown-up.

Today one of the clash-of-wills happened when I visited them, one of their friends was present. I could only chant in my head: "I want to get out of here, I want to get out of here...," while pretending to be listening. I was so nervous when it ended that I could not eat; I have in my stomach three coffees and I just smoked a joint. Christ. My head hurts.

>>7764581
You are not a monstrosity! You have a rounded, soft figure, and while some of your features are a tad masculine, you're not unpassable. I am sure you can grow your hair to a beautiful wavy cascade. Don't feel down :)

>>7765924
Femboi here I really wish ffs was an option but honestly I have no idea how anyone affords it even working five 12.00 shifts and making 2k a month I still can't seem to save up for it. I'm prioritizing Lazer, vfs, and orchie cause those are far more important so all together it's like 35k if I include ffs I need I should be happy my parents are supportive so is a majority of my family but I just can't stand looking this masculine people have even told me ffs can't help my face mabye they are right and I fell for the hrt meme cause I have a really girly looking body and a super masculine face. I want to end the uncanny valley. mabye I have huge bdd who fucking knows.

>>7766792
Wonder about what id like to not be like this tell me. Thanks for the upboat tho

>>7765693
>While my family and friends are starting to have careers and families I'm over here just now beginning my life,

I know that feel. I started when I was 28 (I pass occasionally) and Im 30 now but I still have other problems to work on. Within the past year Ive just started living my life and it sucks but these are the cards you've been dealt so like anyone you do the best you can with what you have.

> i've been on hormones for close to 6 months
Ive been on hormones for like a year and one month and I dont pass all that much either.
Also, you may look better than you think you do. It may just be that you have BDD.

> I am sure you can grow your hair to a beautiful wavy cascade.

Thanks but my hair needs alot of work. Its longer than normal but it looks awful because Im still in the closet at work I was going to get it permed when I go on my upcoming vacation. Black people hair is so frustrating to work with.

>>7766864
>>7767407
Whoops, forgot to link the last comment.

>>7766883
Ugh I get that feeling too I had such a girl body and I thought hormones would work wonders for me nope I'm think I'm fucked

>>7765979
Do you think there are any fat Femboys?
I would go nuts over a fat femboy.

I'm a lesbian and I feel like I'll never get a girlfriend. Not because I'm ugly, but I probably am fucking ugly anyway, but because I don't know how-- or where to look. No one messaging me on OKCupid is not helping much with my insecurities but gh

>>7768205
I used to feel like this. I just kinda meet people you just gotta do lots of random shit

>>7764936
Iktf

>grade 3 ptosis in the breasts since puberty, binding only making it worse
>severe ptosis in right eyelid
>autism
>5'5"
>hips so wide i cant fit mens dress shirts
>constant anxiety that ill never be anything more than a novelty, just everything less than a man
>can never have a safe and happy sex life, my partner knowing im trans is a no-go
>will never have a natural cis penis that can ejaculate
>will never nut into a cute boys boypucci
i really should just kill myself

I hate being submissive to other women.
I stay away from them because Im afraid Ill turn into a mindless whore.
Aside from all my other problems, its why I stay away from being with anyone and the fear of loosing my mind and freewill is almost debilitating. Why would anyone want a girl that might turn into a brain dead sex slave?

As a bisexual woman, I wonder whether I'll be able to have a relationship with another woman. Lesbians seem to be extremely prejudiced against bisexuals, and most bisexual women would probably be in straight relationships since there's so much more heterosexual men out there than lesbian or bisexual women, and therefore so much more potential relationship options. I don't feel that interested in having a relationship with a man, because though I'm attracted to their bodies, I find penises to be repulsive. I also don't like the idea of being penetrated, it makes me feel queasy.

>>7772272
>ptosis

somebody learned a new word!
what is gravity?
sagging tits is not a medical condition unless you're a plastic surgeon trying to get reimbursed for doing breast implants.

>>7773066
protip: you're not bisexual.
you're just a self-loathing lesbian snowflake

>>7773066
>though I'm attracted to their bodies, I find penises to be repulsive
I have the exact opposite problem.
I find male bodies repulsive but cant get enough dick. Why cant there be more women with Guy penises?
I still cant be in a relationship with a woman. Most woman absolutely hate trannies.

>fall in love with straight friend
>believe there's a chance between us
>start being creepy and because of that, he cuts ties with me
Now I just don't talk anymore, out of fear I'll say something annoying or creepy. Just wanted to share.

>>7773082
god dude, fuck off. i dont care whether its a medical condition or not, its still gonna fuck with top surgery

Bump. It's genuinely nice to have a designated moping general.