How do I stop wanting to kill myself

>>7665496
Well, i'm not going to stop you because i feel the same exact way, so i'll probably be next.

gg life

also, I'm afraid to install something like tinder because I'm afraid someone will recognize me

>>7665496
Are you Gay or trans btw?

>>7665533
not gay im totally straight

>>7665552
Soooo you're Trans?

>>7665559
no im not gay

>>7665562
THEN WHAT'S THE ISSUE HERE..?

>>7665571
Sounds like a self hating gay man to me.

>>7665571
I'm "not gay", you understand?

kill me

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>>7665562
Are you just fixated on a male "lifepartner" scenario, with no sexual or romantic component? Cuz... wanting a "boyfriend" differs from "boy friend".

>>7665577
I'm not a real man and I never will be. I'm a faggot

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>>7665578
You have no right to be depressed, i suffer from Dysphoria daily, and i'v been considering suicide, and all a sudden you make a thread about how you want a bf but you aren't gay and thus making you want to kill your self?!?!

You don't have any issues, you just need to go to bed.

>>7665603
no you fuck. I want sex but I also want to be loved and both of those things make me a faggot

>>7665610
you don't understand. I'm "not gay". also,

>you have no right to be depressed, you haven't tried hard enough to like it

>>7665625
I feel you're trolling or you're too drunk to even understand what you're even typing..

It's time to go to bed Anon.

>>7665640
Don't you fucking understand? I won't even admit what it is that I am. I want to fucking die. For every male crush I've ever had, every fucking guilty jerk off session. I want to fucking die.

>>7665647
I fail to see the issue at hand..

who cares if you're gay or straight or Bi... no one gives a rat's ass, this shouldn't even be an issue, you should just be honest with your self and live with it.

>>7665667
maybe you don't care, but I do. I every time I think about how lonely I am, I feel physical pain in my chest. It physically hurts. Every time I think about what I'm attracted to, I cringe. I cry myself to sleep on like a bi weekly basis

>>7665496
How old are you, OP?

>>7665687
nearly 19

>>7665610
As much as he does need to get over himself human emotions are fucking retarded and this shit can be depressive.

>>7665647
If you're an adult, you're going to have to get over it. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Only religious conservatives think that or even care. You don't even have to tell anyone. You don't even have to be exclusively homosexual. Your problems are small potatoes.

>>7665690
I say this on the authority of you coming to the board seeking answers: you have A LOT of shit going on.

You're 18 and drinking. You had a close friend who just look his own life. You're still figuring out who "you" are. And you're seeking support from people you don't know for a support group.

I'm sure there's more than that on your plate: college, school, social life, family life, odd nuances that you don't know how to handle yet.

Right now, I need you to breathe, deeply, rhythmically. Whatever is in your mind, let it think itself out to completion, but don't judge it. Can you do that for yourself, right now? Just take this first step?

>>7665707
I did, and had a few thoughts I don't like.

>>7665707
you're more right than you know about your assumptions

>>7665721
Let the feeling of not liking them be another thought, just let it go to completion and pass as the next one comes along.

Do you want to chat over a more private media like kik or skype, or are you okay with 4chan?

Right now, just let yourself be, above all. Don't worry about it being good or bad, because that's just normal - we feel a lot of emotions, so let them be.

>>7665732
I'm afraid of anything not completely anonymous. What if I make a tinder acct and someone recognizes me, you know?

>>7665743
There are other apps besides Tinder that give you more control over things like that; Grindr is the most classic example because you can post an anonymous photo (e.g. no face) and then release photos in chat as you select them.

My foremost concern is that you feel safe and okay, especially with the suicide bit.

>>7665754
I installed grindr once and immediately uninstalled it. All anyone on there wants is a hookup, like 90% of gays

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>>7665732
This anon is a good starting point but please consider finding an lgbt-sympathetic therapist, OP. You could use a non-judgemental adult in your life while you work through what seems to be some deeply ingrained self hate, not to mention the recent death in your peer group.

There is nothing wrong with you, nor with needing someone reliable to talk with. These are complex issues, most anyone would need help in this situation.

>>7665761
Grindr has a pretty narrow scope in terms of what kinda of relationships guys are after. What is it that you're looking for?

>>7665769
One time I tried going to my university's therapy support thing, but I asked if it would show up in my student email because my parents have my student email and they laughed so I left

>>7665775
not dying alone
someone who like progressive rock

>>7665769
I'm really not comfortable with anyone who knows who I am knowing my secrets

>>7665784
i like progressive rock
im sitting on a goldmine of great shit i cant enjoy anymore because i accidentally ruined my ears so it doesnt sound the same and it makes me wanna die

>>7665779
That's embarrassing and infuriating. I'm sorry that happened to you. There are a lot of people who end up in higher ed who really don't understand or adapt properly to how things are changing and what issues are on people's mind.

Perhaps needless to say, that shouldn't have happened. Having worked a bit in higher ed, I guarantee there are people who do care and have compassion, but iit comes down to the individual. Part of where you're going to school is a major concern. I went to PSU and even then, where there's a supportive atmosphere in some areas of the campus/administration, it's not the best.

>>7665801
I'm at OSU

>>7665801
look, I'm not here for you to circlejerk hugbox me, okay?

>>7665784
Listen here, OP, if you're afraid of dying alone, I can tell you now that suicide isn't your option, because clearly you're feeling pretty alone right now, and self terminating would do just what you fear.

Now, read this very clearly: YOU - ARE - 18 - YEARS - OLD.
18 years...6574 some odd days...157,788 hours...9,467,280 minutes...586,036,800 seconds... and then there's those gaps in between the seconds and so on and so forth. You still have more time "ahead" of you.

Most people live to be, what, 80+ in our grandparent generation? Probably longer than that for us by the time we hit venerability.

Your circumstances right now feel like they define your future. That's a slippery slope right there. In the same way that tragedy has struck you out of the blue so far, and in all those challenges in your life right now that I'm not aware of, there is good to be had too.

So take a good, hard look at where you are right now. You're not dead, and you're not alone. You're finding kindness and people in solidarity (i.e. "i like progressive rock" anon) and you're connecting with the world around you.

So cheer up, for starters. :) I know that's ignorant of me to say, but when you find these things for yourself, that is...as much as you feel conflicted, confined, limited, secretive, etc... there's still good around you, happening to you, within you, and even being caused by you. And in every moment of "now" you can create those instances, and someone is bound to create them to/for/with you. This isn't to fill you with false hope. It's fact that you have some form of choice here.

You have a lot of needs to deal with first, and some are more in your power to solve than others. The death of a friend can haunt you. You're going through change. Take things one step at a time, because trust me, those other things that are bothering you probably aren't going to go anywhere...so you'll get to them inevitably.

>>7665858
Why sure you are, why else would you bring that comment to the table otherwise?

Call it what you want, people need each other. What's wrong with getting that support?

>>7665496
>I don't want to be a faggot and I don't want anyone to know it would destroy my life.
If you are under thirty you have no right to kill yourself, because the doors in your life have not yet closed. First and foremost, focus on education so you can get a decent chunk of change and move away from where you are. You will find the dating pool opens up the more stable your life is, focus on fixing your living situation before considering dating. Secondly; the thought of dying alone is not rational unless you have been single your whole life into your retirement years. See a psychiatrist and get some antidepressants.

>a few months ago one of them tried to out me to everyone I know and killed himself.
This guy is not your friend, he tried to hurt you and wants you to feel guilty for his death. Fuck him, his death is on himself.

>>7665520
This is not how you find a stable long term relationship, I would avoid such applications.

>>7665886
I want to feel in good company with other depressive fucks

>>7665804
If this is something you still want to pursue you might try feeling out the residence life/student affairs department. Sometimes even RAs alone can handle things better (girls especially for some odd reason). Anyone in the English department or something that has a niche LGBT related studies function are usually good places to go, just on the basis of empathy. I don't know about the community around OSU at all, but you might have resource centers independent of the university as well.

As for counseling, it's a federal requirement on information release that e-mail can't be used to communicate something vital without consent of the patient (even if your parents are on the account). Basically you'll get appointment confirmations and such, but never a "Here's what we talked about" sort of e-mail that your parents could read. For example, if your parents asked about why there's an e-mail from counseling services, you can just say its related to stress and it'd be brushed under the carpet. Does this help at all? Do you have other questions?

>>7665909
not really, I'm in engineering, nowhere near south campus, and I'm sick of trying to formalize my bullshit. coming out is a meme, and I'm done with it. it just makes me feel like shit and makes me closer to destroying what semblence of a life I have.

>>7665902
Well, you have it. So, to that same end, if you don't want to die alone...don't.

If seeking therapy is an impossibility, but still an interest, there are a lot of modeled videos on YouTube, or other online services. Fuck, talking it out on a forum or with some chat media helps too. People can be good or bad, you'll find the right people. Don't worry about the right way; that's going to be the one that works for you. Honestly, I know misery loves company, and that might help for a while, but I do hope you seek something sustainable to make you feel better. You want better and that's all you need to justify "deserving" better, whatever that looks like for you.

As for the sexual orientation piece, be patient with yourself, and you'll find things exactly as you need to and when you need to. Love yourself, man, whatever that looks like for you.

>>7665925
>coming out is a meme
Then don't, whose business is it who you date, marry or fuck?

>>7665925
So what is it you want then?

>>7665946
to die

>>7665952
Well, I'll tell you what, do it.

Now, before you go after the gun/bus/bridge/river/etc., hear me out. I don't mean physical death here. If what you have that you call a "semblance of a life" is so fragile as to be shattered by figuring out who you really are, then that doesn't seem like a strong support to life much at all.

Get off this site, get off your phone, get off the PC/mac/w.e TF, and if your studies are all caught up, go sit with death. Meditate on it. And I say do this, becaue you have no fucking excuses this way. It's informal, it's practical, you can do it privately where you're at right now or hell go for a walk if you feel like it and sit on a bench and enjoy the world a bit while you're at it. But figure out what death would really mean for you. What is it that you see dying? What can you match against the end of the potential energy of your life that makes that absolute jump to null more enticing? Because really, there is nothing...because death leads you to...well I shouldn't assume, I'm sure you have your own religious and spiritual practices. If you believe in God, you might have this discussion with God and death all at once, or Fate if you feel that's in your way. Demand a change, and they'll probably tell you, "Fine, but you gotta do it." Then it's on you.

But don't be so quick, like I said in a post earlier, to forget those good things in life. Little things. Things you're grateful for. Things that make you smile like a child for no particular reason. Things you find beautiful or inspiring. Because as much as you'd lose the sense of "pain", you'd lose the sense of everything else in dying.

>>7665994
>Anonymous 01/29/17(Sun)23:05:09 No.7
you don't have to talk me off a ledge, I'd be months away at that. I love my parent's, I'd just never want to disappoint them with the fact that they'll never get a grandkid... I know that I'm only a few months/years away from them suspecting I'm gay, so I'm holding out until something has to change.

>>7666023
What are you talking about? Haven't you heard about birth surrogates and adoption? Non-hetero people can still have kids of their own flesh and blood, yo.

And I should note, that yes, parents love the idea of grandkids, but you're their baby. They saw for some reason that it was worthwhile for them to have you as you are up until now. Like really think over what kind of shit you might have done that's made them furious or disappointed. How does you liking guys really compare?

>>7665496
Good god get over it. Get a bf and be happy. If you live in a conservative area, go to a city where people aren't so conservative. Most people this day and age don't give a fuck if you're gay or not. I'm gay, and the only issue I've had is with my parents. Everyone else I've come out to has been like this:

"Oh no, I don't want a girlfriend, I'm gay."

"Oh really? cool. I didn't know that. What movie do you want to go see?"

BTW, I had a date with a total hottie tonight and I"m going to bf him up. feelsgoodman.jpg

>>7665496
By realizing that most people arent too different but will never say the truth. Its not good to get in the habit of wanting affirmation of such a thing. You just have to kind of realize it generically. Maybe you should seek spiritual guidance. I have read J. Krishnamurti all my life, it goes very well with LGBT if you dont let it make you weird. Some people like these spiritual kind of retreats. Find something to put your health and fitness into a good spot.

>>7666123
I'm not even religious, but what kind of a childhood would that be?

>>7665520
>>7665761
I very recently installed Grindr because I was in a similar "I just don't want to die alone" phase (I had never dated anyone). I had no photo. Within a few hours I found someone I'm now dating.
Don't give up!

>>7665496
Iktf

>>7665610
Such an ignorant comment.
He's obviously depressed, which btw is as real as your Dysphoria. Dumbass.

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>>7667348
I'm SORRY i came off ignorant, BUT i can't stand how he says that he want's to kill him self because he's gay and in denial... it actually makes no sense to me...
He can CHANGE his thoughts towards matters, he's a perfectly normal Human.

I can't change my body and insides, i'm stuck like this until the fucking grave, but Op being in denial about being gay just got under my skin, plus yesterday i was having a bad day anyways, typically i don't even respond to threads.. i just lurk, but this thread got me all fired up and it just made me want to say something.

>>7667718
Anon, The thing about depression is that it doesn't make sense. It's an imbalance of chemicals in your brain that make it hard to feel positive emotions. Basically, hormones get in the way of your dopamine receptors and shit, and it makes you feel like trash.