Did being mtf made you cynical?

>>7600676
No?
Im cynical about my looks and about passing but other than that Im actually becoming more upbeat and positive.
Its fucking weird.
I actually freaked out the other day because I was so used to being miserable that I didn't know how to move on because I always expect myself to fuck something up by getting super depressed at random and withdrawing from the world. 16 or so years of that made me into permanently depressed who could most of the time only communicate through cynicism and sarcasm. Then it mostly dissipated when I got on hormones/drained into my opinions on how I look.
I dont know, man. Shits weird.
How have you become cynical, op?

>>7600804
Holy shit this is meeee. I am still sarcastic and kind of deadpan
With my humor but i do feel a sense of comfort that is overwhelming in the
Sense it feels amazing
But also unfamiliar •~•

Drinking wine so excuse my format

>>7600872
Trans girls are actually kinda cute lol

>>7600804
>becoming

I think the actual state of BEING trans makes you cynical, but transitioning brightens your attitude. How could it not.

>>7601394
Depends. If you're like me and you slowly uncover everyone never really considers you the way you want to be it makes you want to give up trying or having any hope in people. I admit HRT has done something to me and I still try and have more hope than I did but...

>tfw cisgirls you chill with often get together without you and you sometimes find out about it.
>tfw people promise they'll totally come by some time, or they'll come out for coffee, or some other thing and never do.
>tfw your boss at work pretends to accept you but misgenders you in front of people still after several months.
>tfw you go to your favorite coffeeshop you agreed to meet a friend you haven't seen in a while and you sit there for 15 minutes drinking your tea and realizing they're not going to show.


That last one happened on an overcast night too, couldn't have been better. It was at least nice to sit in the window and be sad over it.

I was always cynical, lonely, and alienated feeling from since everything that happened to me in Elementary school and every year of my life there on. No surprise I got into goth subculture in my teens and went even deeper since people treat you like a dangerous freak just for that since I grew up in the Southern US.

Ending up MtF didn't make my cynical or lose faith, I lost that a long time before. If anything I was already steeled for people treating me the way they do so it's been scarcely any different. I sometimes forget people always treated me like a terrifying freak and this isn't just a thing because I'm transitioning.

>>7602070
>tfw cisgirls you chill with often get together without you and you sometimes find out about it.
>tfw people promise they'll totally come by some time, or they'll come out for coffee, or some other thing and never do.

This honestly sounds normal.

>>7602083
How is that normal? Being excluded from your main friendgroup solely because you are trans is painful.

>>7602070
>That last one happened on an overcast night too, couldn't have been better. It was at least nice to sit in the window and be sad over it.
This sounds extremely pleasant. Like I'm almost jealous of the tragedy in this one.

>>7602083
It is to a point but you have to remember that transpeople as a rule of thumb struggle with feeling alienated so things like this blow way out of proportion in your mind when it's 2am and you can't sleep.

That being said, it's still "excluding that one from the group that's awkward to be around" which is painful and shitty for everyone involved. It's a sad thing and it's even worse that it's normal.

>>7602094
It was kind of stupidly pleasant and perfect like that. A quiet evening, shop mostly empty, overcast, and a hot london fog to drink while I wondered why I ever believed it would be any different this time.

I tell myself I won't be fooled again but I mean. I love that coffeeshop to death.