Feelz

>Be me
>tall, 275 lbs
>masc
>only interested in dommes/feminine tops
>everyone who messages me on grindr is more than twice my age or flakes
>no real friends to help facilitate connections with new people
>hate myself cause i'm masculine everywhere except the bedroom

it's lonely out here

>>7600335
Im old and I've been alone for decade

literally all I want is to be cuddled. physical affection helps with my deep self hatred more than anything and yet nobody will touch me

>abused as a kid by alcoholic father
>used to tickle me until i was bruised and couldnt breathe, had asthma which made it worse.
>raped my mom and she would come sleep with me afterwards
>would cry as she held me and bled on my bed
>when she broke down i'd hold her while she cried
>become touch averse
>high school full of people wanting to cuddle and shit
>freak out

Have a bf now. First time ive been able to sleep next to another person since i was a kid. Kinda conflicting feels cause the cuddles feel nice but its still hard to get over my natural reaction

>sub bi top
>no bf, no gf, nobody no how
>will always be lonely, skinny, awkward mess

>>7601240
HAHAHAHA IT"S MEEE

>>7600583
>275 lbs
Whose fault is that, freak?

>>7600335
>try to dress cute for crush at party
>really like black,small, hard to see floral studs
>build confidence to wear them
>see him at party, his face lights up
>know he's into me
>random girl "wow you look nice!, very angular"
>angular
>confidence secretly destroyed
>eat pot brownie
>look in mirror, see ugly
>take earrings out
>really tired and antisocial
>call cab

>>7601870
<3 :c

>Be <8
>Have super best friend, he lives across the street from me.
>we spend everyday together and most of the week we sleep over at each others places.
>On my 8th birthday I see a CPS truck outside his house
>Don't see him ever again after that, was crushed

>Years later be 14
>Meet this woman who's pretty fucking cool, basically becomes the mother I wish I always had
>She pushes me to improve myself, stop being such a fuckup.
>Suddenly she dies from a brain aneurysm, am once again fucking crushed, spiral out of control even more than before

>Then, 15, get a super Qt boyfriend
>I'm a druggie loser by now but he sees something in me and we date for a while.
>Stop doing as many drugs, stop hanging around the "wrong" crowd, hang with him and his friends more.
>Everything is perfect.
>Then, one night after a party we're getting sexual in his bed
>Hear his father stomping up the stairs
>"ohshitohshitohshit"
>The shadow of his dads frame fills the doorway
>"I DON'T FUCKING PAY RENT TO HAVE TWO FAGGOTS KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT, GET THE FUCK OUT!"
>nope the fuck right out of there as fast as I can, pretty much just jump down the entire flight of stairs to get out as quickly as I could.
>last time I ever saw that guy, tried to contact him but never got a reply.

Pretty much every time someone good came into my life they either died, was taken away, or just vanished.
Things are better now, though.

>>7601926
Thats a nice partner you have

Would be a shame if something happened to them.