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Hey guys, I've always considered myself generally straight, but now I'm rather confused to be honest. I still feel the desire to date women and feel sexual attraction towards them but since about middle school I've had a thing for being in the female's perspective during sex. As my fetishes grew they often grew around this fetish, being the female in sex. As time draws on this desire becomes stronger and stronger to the point to where I'm not investigating the validity of my own sexuality.
The issue is I cannot imagine myself being transgender. Coming out to family, dealing with drama, meds, psychologist, no thanks. I'm also not sure if I'd be willing to permanently change my physical appearance. Turns out I'm not transgender! Oops. I also cannot imagine myself being in a relationship with a man. The idea of kissing a dude isn't appealing in the slightest way possible. I also do not feel like I'd make a good trap. I've taken a good look at my own frame and features and without expensive surgery or whatever I'd look like a dude still.
I'm 18 and I haven't had my first kiss yet. I'm really shy and awkward and lack self confidence. I do not feel desired. I've felt this way about myself primarily due to my inexperience of women and my acne (which is now being cured), so I never really got to experience the feeling of being "wanted" and "desired" if you get what I'm saying. I, in my fantasies, am submissive and they tend to tread into rather questionable territory like rape and what not. In my fantasies I'm a female because I view them as the ones being desired and being submissive in that context gets me going for whatever reason. Yet despite thinking through my problems like this and identifying the source I still feel the desire.
I honestly don't know what I am anymore and I was just hoping somewhere on here might have had a similar experience or would be willing to help me walk through my problems. I fear that professional help may be needed.
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>>7550549
you're experiencing something called autogynephilia, routinely shortened to agp
you might also want to research transvestic fetishism, even though you're not actually a crossdresser, given transvestic fetishism is also a presentation of agp
the specific term agp is stigmatized due to a long-running smear campaign against the researcher who came up with it, and /tttt/'s perception of how it works is...pretty delusional, but the validity of the experience remains
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>>7550549
>fear that professional help may be needed
Nothing to fear. Go talk to a professional or two. Get some opinions. Don't like it? Say thanks for your time and don't make another appointment
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>>7550549
You are most likely a straight dude with an interesting fetish. To explore it, you'd have to find a woman with a strap-on/real dick to play the 'man' role and you the 'woman'. You are not in a weird minority with a fetish like this--some women get off being in the 'man' role.
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>>7550563
I am reading up on it and is interesting and I guess to a degree describes my situation but how do I go about fixing it? I don't really expect you to have an answer as I'm sure that requires a psychologist but I'd like to get this under control.
>>7550617
Some issues, I guess you can call them excuses or whatever. I'm really shy. I don't know how to talk to my doctors about problems. And my family is pretty poor. The only reason why I can afford medication right now is because of Obama, I don't even know if the ACA covers mental health, and I doubt the ACA is going to exist for much longer given the current political climate. So its a mixture of fear of talking to strangers, not knowing how to talk to a medical professional about my problems, and the cost of affording it.
>>7550633
Maybe. But given my current dating situation, asking for someone I'm interested in AND them having fetishes that line up with mine, well, that's asking for some divine intervention hahaha.
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>>7550549
You should look through the agp generals:
http://move.loveisover.me/lgbt/search/subject/agpg/
There is also an agpg open now. You can ask the people there if you like.
It is somewhat common for transgender women to have agp. There are also a fair number of trans men who experience autoandrophilia.
You might try reading Nevada, by Imogen Binnie:
http://haveyoureadnevada.com/
Start at page 150
There is also a section in The Whipping Girl (a transwoman's critique of feminism) describing agp, "My Submissive Streak". You can find a torrent, I'm sure.
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>>7550659
>I am reading up on it and is interesting and I guess to a degree describes my situation but how do I go about fixing it?
>implying you can fix AGP
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>>7550659
> Maybe. But given my current dating situation, asking for someone I'm interested in AND them having fetishes that line up with mine, well, that's asking for some divine intervention hahaha.
It's not as uncommon as you might think. A few months down a healthy relationship with someone you trust is enough to start discussing each other's fetishes. Even if she wasn't initially seeking this, there's a good chance she'll be open to your suggestions!
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>>7550549
>In my fantasies I'm a female because I view them as the ones being desired and being submissive in that context gets me going for whatever reason.
You can be trans too.
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It's okay, OP, you're not trans. You haven't described any sort of dysphoria, just a powerful sexual urge. You're AGP. Go put on some girly clothes, and look for a girl who's into that.
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>>7551220
>You haven't described any sort of dysphoria,
Just tell her she's a woman in a man's body and she'll be showering with the lights off in no time.
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>>7551220
Well I mean I wouldn't say no dysphoria, I am rather discontent with life and state of affairs, but like I said, I'm pretty sure its because of the lack of feeling desired and wanted that pushes those feelings.
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