Depression thread?

I just came to feel like shit with you dont mind me

>>7467150
Yeah, for some reason being sad also helps me in this strange way.. I don't know what I should post to contribute to making us feel like cheap, but here, have my bump.

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So I've been saving up for the past few months to eventually to move out to eventually have everything break at once to eventually just trying to buy a car to live in to eventually get denied everywhere because I have no credit.

And I got a ticket today. Not because I was breaking the law but because I was at a red light and the cop behind me decided to enter my plate because he was bored and found the registration was out. Not because anything is wrong with the car but because the Check Engine light is broken and I don't have $1000 to put a new computer in the car.

I've discovered today that there is a god and that god is giving me every hint in the world that it's time to die. But being that this life is so shit and my luck is terrible it's likely that Catholicism was the correct religion all along so I'll go to hell for killing myself.

Life is pointless anyway. There's not enough payout for all this suffering I have to deal with. I wish there was a way for my family/friends to be alright with my death but I'm just hoping that the universe goes black behind me or there's a few alternate realities where everything turned out okay.

>>7467215
sorry *Crap

not Cheap, this phone is hard to type on.

He celebrated Christmas with her, while I was here alone.
He will celebrate the start of a new year with her too, while I'll be here alone.

He has a girlfriend, but I don't have him.Ánd it's driving me crazy.

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>>7467218
I feel like this a lot, broke hopeless, and hopeless.. did i mention hopeless?... hopeless...

ah now you got me feeling like crap.

For some reason i'v been thinking a lot about suicide, not sure i'll go through with it or not, but.. idk.

Probably not actually depressed, but I figured I'd vent a bit anyway.

>I'll never feel "normal" about myself and my body. I'll always be hyper-aware of how fucking weird I look, even if I don't look weird to other people. It hurts to see women because it makes me think about all the things I know I'll never have. I won't socially transition 'cause I know I wouldn't pass. I just take HRT.
>One of the only things that makes me feel good about myself is the fact that I'm really skinny (6' 120 pounds). I probably have some sort of ED though with how much I obsess over it.
>I have no ambition, no motivation, no real goals in life other than falling in love (hah). I don't have much hope that I'll ever be happy. I have no idea how I'll ever be okay enough with myself to be in a relationship with someone (hah).
>I can't imagine myself in the future because I can't imagine anything other than my current stagnation. I doubt I'll meet someone, and if I did, I'd probably fuck it up or feel incredibly awful anyway. And as far as sex goes, I can't imagine receiving much in the way of my own physical pleasure since I'd probably just hate whatever's happening.
>I get sad a lot, and frequently think that I'd like to just physically not exist. I think about suicide too. I probably think about suicide more than most people. I know my first, second, and third choices of ways to go, but I have no inclination to act on them yet.
>I spend most of my time actively avoiding my thoughts and abusing escapism.
>When I go out I can't help but feel extremely strange and out of place. I feel like I don't belong in this world of people who aren't broken. I probably have some sort of anxiety too.
>Sometimes I feel like I have to pretend to be happy so that people won't worry about me. But really I'd rather just continue to mope around and wallow in my feelings.

Ran out of space for more songs, but here's the one I like the best when I feel like crap.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7zHZrcHdxg

>>7467150
You're cancer, how about you feel sad instead and not use big words that mKe it a lasting thing. Try to get the off of 4chan and just have fun, instead you could also stop giving a fuck about the opinions of strangers on the internet and be honest wit yourself. If all of those fail, just kill yourself and save us the grief.

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>>7468122
See? that's the spirit, more of stuff like this please.

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i just can't continue anymore, i feel like nothing works anymore. I'm so exhausted all the time, everything hurts, sometimes my skin is so painful to touch for no reason that i have to cry.
It's so weird.

Anyone else in physical pain when you fall in a depressive hole again? I don't get it, it's like the worst cold, all limbs hurt, heaches, it feels like someone is literally strangling me or has its hand on my shoulders and neck...

>>7467150
I've been gaining more weight recently. I'm still normal weight, maybe even below average, but it concerns me.

On top of this, I feel horrible for probably being a transbian. I know cis lesbians won't like me and everyone thinks transbians are all AGP so I'm probably gonna be alone for the rest of my life.

>>7467232
There are other guys. Move on.

I'm home with my family for Christmas and I can't stop thinking about the fact that after I leave, there's a good chance I'll never be welcome here again. I got my scripts for HRT the day before I left and I'm starting once I get back. While I'm not going to come out right away, I'll have to eventually.

Fuck, this hurts. I've always been really close to my mom and talk to her every day on the phone. I suspect she might already know and is in denial about it, since I look and act girly as fuck. I keep hoping that maybe she won't take it as bad as I think she will. I don't want to lose my mom, but I don't want to be depressed and thinking about suicide for the rest of my life either.

Got into an argument with my mom where she went on and on about how any and all surgeries are cosmetic and that I should just taking hormones, she gave me shit about how being trans isn't all that bad(like she would fucking know, but she pretends to be supportive and has all types of weird opinions on trans people(like she considers trans people a different race from other people) and I think a lot of it is her making up bullshit because she gets really insecure when someone knows more than her/is right and makes up weird shit that isn't true and can't be argued because it's so fucking stupid so she can be right) and she got pissed because I went off on her and made her look dumb in front of my sister so she told me point blank that she doesn't care about the fact I tried to kill myself last month. She's nutty and has always been a cunt though, I can't wait until my gf graduates and me and her can just move out together.

Also other sorta sad thing I guess:I've been in a weird mental state lately and am heavily considering detransitioning and just accepting living life as a dysphoric man and killing myself if it ever gets too bad.

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What have I done

>>7467150
Not depressed just full of regrets, realized that I can never change the past so I can't change who I am today.

>>7470413
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixYWkDAPPzA

>>7470401
excuse me while i go become an hero somewhere

>>7467853
pretty much how I feel all the time except for HRT.

>every life path that I will choose will lead to death within 10 years anyways
>probably will be alone anyways if I would get old
>if I would start HRT I would have to cut contact with everybody I know and move out of town
>spend most of my free time with escapism, music and eating I stopped enjoying most things I used to do
>basicly wear a mask while I interact with people to hide my feelings because nobody cares anyways
>only like my long hair (for a guy) and that I'm not fat (5'6" 145lbs)
>don't even know what's wrong with me I just want to stick with how my life is right now and I'm too scared to move on

>>7467150
>Also if you have any sad music to share please don't hesitate.
Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again.
Because a vision softly creeping, left it's seeds while I was sleeping.
And the vision that was planted in my head, still remains.
Within the sounds of silence.

I'm 16 years old. My mother comes from a long line of hillbillies and my father came from a dysfunctional family and was raised as somebody who was retarded. Both of my parents are not the brightest. My older brother is a pedophile (discovered this myself, have to live with him because my mom chooses not to believe so despite proof), and my little brother is 5 years old and cannot talk. And me? I'm short, very ugly, I have a speech impediment, I'm mentally ill, and I'm transgender. All the worst genetics you can have in one person.

I've never had friends because I'm introverted and generally unlikable. Never. Not once. All my attempts to make friends have failed since elementary school, so I've been a loner all the way up to my Junior year of HS. I know I'm different, and not in the good way.

Nowadays, I sit around and do nothing. My grades are shit and have been below mediocre since elementary school. Sometimes, I cry to myself and walk around endlessly with no end goal. Because I had nothing else, I tried to place my self worth on my intelligence. Obviously a no-go because I have an incredibly hard time comprehending things to the point where I have to reread sentences over and over and I cannot concentrate.

There's nothing redeemable about me. I am lucky enough to have a gun so the way out is quick and painless. I've had my fair share of existential crises and the anticipation is fucking scary honestly, but nothing less scary than having to live my life the way I am.

Goodbye world. Soon.

>>7471389
I'm jealous, my life is just almost bad enough for me to attempt suicide, I have once but that was under a certain emotional state that's hard to recreate. I wish I could just be entirely broken and capable of welcoming death with open arms.

>>7470401
>tfw you're no longer scared of this happening because you stopped seeing your girlfriend to stop the dysphoria just being around her produced.