Asexual General - /acegen/

Woah, this was fast

So, fellow members of the flotilla, this submarine has a question for you

For all those who operate in stealth mode, have you ever had a period where you didn't feel like engaging with anything or anyone? Like, you'd go to a group where everyone else is doing stuff that you'd normally be into, yet just couldn't be motivated to engage? Maybe it was a crushing feeling of the knowledge that if you can't find a qt3.14 companion, that you are most likely to die alone and have your animals feasting upon your corpse?

I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone in this.

>>7174785

I saw that the old general was greyed out and that no-one had made a new one.

Thought I'd maintain these safe waters amongst the seas of boats desiring to change their chassis.

>>7174808
uhh

I've gone places and not wanted to interact with people, yes

But it's because I don't like people

Im not too worried about finding a companion

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>>7174808
Kind of the same as >>7175552
Nothing to do with finding a companion and etcetera, I'm not aro but I don't care much. It's really just a plain uninterest in people. Sometimes it's strong to the point of being uninterested in engaging with people I do actually like and I end up just wanting to isolate myself.

>>7175552
Yes, same.

I'm aro and I have some really close friends, that's all I need for now.

>>7175974
This is me exactly. I think. Well, the close friends part; tbqh I'm not sure whether I'm aro, or pan. But it doesn't really matter to me at the moment, I'm not looking for romance anyway.

>>7174825
Ah, sorry. I had life stuff. I was going to make a general about stereotypes.

Here's a bunch of stereotypical asexuals I described:

The Grey Mass
>aromantic
>asexual
>agender
>their identity is simply "no"

The Autistic
>Probably asexual due to their condition
>Won't stop talking about being asexual
>Most likely has a weird fetish

The Flirt
>Does not understand the meaning of space
>Will constantly make people think they're flirting with them with their general closeness, manners, and friendliness

The Euphoric
>Believes asexuals are better than those dirty allos
>Probably also repulsed by sex
>Most likely to describe sex and pregnancy like something out of an eldritch horror story

The Perfect Fit
>Uses a "tumblr" orientation such as "demisexual" or "autochirosexual" perfectly describe them
>Most likely to have pride stuff

>>7177472
>Does not understand the meaning of space
>Will constantly make people think they're flirting with them with their general closeness, manners, and friendliness
Maaan I actually want a friend like that. Like nothing sexual but general close shit like leaning on each other, hugging, all that shit. I hate that this means flirt for everybody instantly.

>>7177472
>The Flirt
I've been described as that by a few people, I've had to let quite a few friends down because they got attracted to me from me being too friendly. It stinks so I've been trying to be more reserved and neutral towards everyone now

>>7177607
Same. I've basically just end up being a prude with a stick up their ass or a flirt because I can't find the good middle.

>>7177566
>>7177607
Try getting a bf/gf. They'll occasionally want to fiddle around with your no-no parts for a bit but other than that you get all kinds of great perks :^)

>>7177639
tbqh fampai I see no perks when it comes to having a bf/gf

>>7177639
I've tried. The only asex person I ever found dumped me for being a mentally ill guy on hormones, even though they were okay with it at first.

I'm not giving up though, cuddles were amazing and its worth it just for that.

>>7177472
>The Flirt
>The Perfect Fit

Kill me, this is me. I like being close to people, what can I say? I never experienced the awkward sexual tension that would make sexuals stop.

I've also run into this weird thing where I've been asexual my whole life, through multiple long term relationships. And now I've met someone who I am inexplicably attracted to.
I guess now I can put my years of maintenance sex skills to work.

>I don't belong here in acegen any more
>I miss you guys
>I used to hate on demisexuals too
>I hate the etymology of the word

>Honestly just waiting for my desire to pass and then I'll fuck up my relationship just like every time

I feel like I'm a living disservice to every person who has been told that it's "just a phase."

>>7178207
Wait, I don't get how you don't belong on acegen anymore. Maybe you're just a gray ace?

>>7178232
Because
>demisexuals are normal sexuals who are trying to be tumblr special snowflakes

Also I can't really relate to any more to the
>tfw no ace gf/bf

It's funny, my SO's ex was celebate and there was no problem there. So here I am, with someone who not only is okay with an a sexual relationship, but even has experience in one. 24 hours later I experience sexual attraction for the first time.
I don't get it.

>>7178364
Where are you getting this from? The general consensus on acegen is that "only having sexual attraction when you have an emotional bond" isn't asexuality because it's saying when you get attraction.

Also:
asexuality =/= being uncomfortable with a sexual relationship
asexuality =/= being repulsed by sex

I really need to fix the OP if I create the next thread because apparently people aren't reading shit.

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>>7177472
>The Euphoric
Not a full-fledged one, but yeah, I'm lowkey that.

>>7178421
>"only having sexual attraction when you have an emotional bond" isn't asexuality because it's saying when you get attraction.
Yeah that's why I'm saying I don't belong here anymore. Because I've learned that I can feel attraction.

>asexuality =/= being uncomfortable with a sexual relationship
asexuality =/= being repulsed by sex
Yes, I agree. I didn't mean to insinuate otherwise.

>>7178485
You do realize that's there's a middle, right?
It's not just sexual and asexual. You're probably just gray like I said. This just means you aren't completely ace and a lot of people aren't.

Hell, I'm not even a "true asexual" because I masturbate and look at porn apparently but I still fit in the category.

>>7178435
Just don't go full "We are the pure and enlightened mustard rice" on us.

>>7177652
Cuddles.

>>7177675
Cuddles :3

'nuff said

>>7178532
I'd rather cuddle a dog

>>7174776
Why don't you leave? Like, get the fuck out.

>>7178552
nah

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>>7178517
No worries, fampai. I find actual ace supremacy fucking stupid.

>>7178500
I guess it comes down to whether I'm attracted to my SO because we're so emotionally close, or if it's just a fluke.

Since demisexual is not having sexual attraction unless you're emotionally close right?
Isn't grey about having sexual attraction fleetingly, weakly, and/or infrequently?

I considered myself grey before. I don't know if I still qualify, because it's very strong and consistent with this one person.

>>7178582
demisexual = "I need someone to turn on the lights for me"

greysexual = "God damn lights keep flickering on and off!"

Even if you're having a strong and consistent attraction with one person this does not mean that you're now completely sexual because one thing does not means that your past feelings are not invalid and now do not mean anything to the data.

This is like 1 out of a ton of possible people throughout your entire life. If you were actually sexual, there should have been more.

How low are the chances of having no sexual attraction because of hormones if you have a very high libido? I'll check 'em anyway, but still wanted to ask.

>>7178700
I'm not a doctor but usually there's a correlation between libido and sexual attraction when it comes to hormones.

tfw no asexual bf

>>7178612
>demisexual = "I need someone to turn on the lights for me"

So doesn't that match this? >>7178421
>"only having sexual attraction when you have an emotional bond" isn't asexuality because it's saying when you get attraction.

Meaning demisexuality isn't asexuality?

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>>7178733
That's what I've been trying to say... Did you realize that you just quoted me twice?

Demisexuality is describing HOW you obtain sexual attraction.

Asexuality is describing WHEN you obtain sexual attraction. That's where the spectrum comes into play. If someone were to only experience sexual attraction one time throughout their entire life, I would call them gray asexual.

>>7178726
s-stop...

>>7178726
>>7178774
you're all mentally ill.

>>7178782
I'm just fun posting, anon; calm down.

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>>7178782

Mentally Ill and lonely*

>>7178829
at least you're upfront about it.

asexuals that are "lonely" and want a relationship. wow.

>>7178926
Not that anon but I don't get the quotes around lonely.

>>7178936
maybe that's because the part of your brain that understands sex and relationships is fucking broken.

>>7178926
Whats wrong with it?

>>7178946
Sex is not a relationship though. You can be intimate and spend your life together with someone without having your reproductive organs meet.

>>7178947
>Whats wrong with it?
you're all like anorexics at a buffet.

>>7178957
It's called "having friends" you mong.

>>7178946
Well, then please explain the quotes to this brain damaged person, then.


>>7178958
Nah, it's more like someone who is lactose intolerant trying to eat a dairy convention.

Anorexia is when your brain doesn't work your body's mental image and physical image so shit gets out of whack.

Asexuality is more of a thing you're born with. So you gotta equate it to like... an allergy.

>>7178967
Also, because you're not asexual, you equate romance with sex. I've never really heard of friends sleeping in the same bed and getting married and do other things that romantic partners would do.

But of course, this is going to get into the usual debate of "what is a romantic relationship" which will not turn out well because we will disagree and then you will go to terrible tactics to feel superior.

So let's just stop this talk here because we all know where this is going. You think we're damaged with your wiki education and there's a very low chance of us changing your mind even though modern science accepts us.

>>7179042
>Asexuality is more of a thing you're born with. So you gotta equate it to like... an allergy.
You aren't born with allergies.

>>7179042
>then you will go to terrible tactics to feel superior.
lol, no. We just want you to leave /lgbt/. See? You don't even fit.

>>7179113
And your parents want you to leave life, kiddo

Y'all seem like a friendly lot
What's the difference between a sex-averse bisexual and a biromantic asexual?
Is there somewhere I could look into this, even if it means delving into tumblr-tier identity politics?
I just don't know what I am

>>7179122
No, I have a healthy relationship that I don't have to explain to people or make excuses for not having. My family is not troubled at all.

How's yours?

>>7179102
nigger what
>https://medlineplus.gov/allergy.html
>Genes and the environment probably both play a role.

>>7179113
Nah.

>>7179122
anon pls you're making us look bad and you're not helping.

>>7179142
>What's the difference between a sex-averse bisexual and a biromantic asexual?
Ba-dum TISS!

Wait, you weren't telling a joke. Sad.

>>7179142
sex averse bisexual = I still have sexual attraction towards two genders but sex is not my thing

biromantic asexual = I have only romantic attraction towards two genders.

This is, of course, if you're not doing the bi = two or more thing.

>>7179182
I mean like I know the definitive difference but like, I wouldn't know how to describe myself
People have certain expectations of me if I say I'm bisexual and they're definitely not true.

>>7179220
I think in your situation, you're going to be explaining how you work to a lot of people if you're sex averse and also sexual.

For it to be easier, you could just say "I'm asexual" and you can ride under the the stereotypes of asexuals hating sex. But then there's the problem of not really identifying with that word.

But if you feel better with the bisexual word, you're going to have to be unfortunately used to explaining yourself and dealing with people who have "magical sex powers"

>>7178772
Ah! I get it! So it's just descriptors of different things? Like demisexual is a kind of greyA?

Well since I've been calling myself grey all this time I guess I'll just keep at it.

>>7179445
No, demisexuality is HOW.
Asexuality spectrum is WHEN.

Demisexuality is more closer to a fetish. It explains HOW you obtain it.

It doesn't actually interact with the asexuality spectrum because they're two different things.

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guys I totally didn't get laid today, it was fucking bomb yo

she came over and we hung the fuck out

>>7179453
>Demisexuality is more close to a fetish
Huh, never thought about it that way. It makes sense

>>7179249
i know it's a real problem
i don't know why it's a problem but it really is doing its best to be one

>>7179453
Thank you, I am an idiot.

>>7181582
if the shoe fits...

>>7183770
Honestly thats the hardest part for me, its difficult for me to connect with others.

>>7179492
*pop* nice

Do you guys plan on having children?

>>7188128
No

Adopting, maybe. But im not really driven by the idea.

>>7188275
interesting...

>>7188128
Nah. Pregnancy reminds me of parasitism and makes me very uncomfortable. Also, I'm not mentally healthy enough to develop a healthy, stable kid.

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>tfw someone is interested in you and you turn them down
>tfw they ask for the reason why

>>7189436
well at least you are honest with yourself

>>7189576
Yeah, I'm not going to give a kid a shitty life because I'm struggling to even express healthy emotions and habits myself let alone teaching them to someone.

>>7188128
Yes, I'd like to adopt one day... but in the really distant future, when I have my life kinda put together. It's more of an intention than a goal.

>>7178532
how to ask gf to cuddle a lot more

i dont want to sound needy but i want to cuddle almost 24/7 and we cuddle like once a day at most

>>7190353
1. Think of what you want
2. Open mouth.
3. Try to explain your feelings in a calm way

>>7174776
I've identified as Ase for a while now but stopped telling people because the general community associates me with LGBT and the LGBT community often doesn't think I'm a part of them...

Women won't date me because they think that my lack of sexual desire means I won't be able to fill their sexual needs (which is false btw, I just don't need reciprocation). They don't seem to get that I am attracted to them for the wrinkles on their brain rather than the fat in their butt.

When I tell straight guys, they automatically assume that makes me homosexual.

When I tell people in general they just don't understand because what we feel is not the norm for the vast majority of people. most Lesbians, Gays, Straights, Trans, etc, feel sexual needs and desires and can't wrap their head around what it is like to not have those needs.

I'm not going to tell my family. I don't tell my friends. I have stopped telling women I hope to date. I feel fucking alone....

I guess my question for this panel is: Why is it so difficult for me to fit in on either side? and what can I do besides hide who I am to fit in?

>>7195152
Sexual people often think at least partially with their genitals. I would advise keeping your eyes out for people who aren't really that concerned about sex, even if they aren't outright ace. Being ace in that environment can be a little weird. It's not even like sexual people are always sex-centric, but some are. People that just know how to relax are probably a safe choice, too.

>hiding

Is not informing people about things they don't care / dont need to know about hiding? Like, do you NEED to tell people? I don't mean to be rude but maybe you need to get over it a little bit. Tell people if they care enough to ask, or if it's like, relevant to a conversation.

I would just personally rather be "the person that gives good advice" or "tells great jokes", as opposed to "the ace friend" or "the black friend", or anything else equally inane.

>>7195938
That's good advice... Thank you.

I guess my thing with hiding it is that I haven't had anyone I can talk to about it and so it feels more like I am hiding it than simply not telling people who don't care.

>>7190353
>i want to cuddle almost 24/7

this seems excessive.
you should ask yourself 'why?'
what are you trying to avoid with constant cuddling?
what are you trying to acheive?

i mean maybe briefly at the beginning of a relationship, but otherwise this sort of clingyness is a dealbreaker.

>>7174776

Asexual is not an "orientation". The lack of libido is not an orientation. You are mundane and trying to feel special.

GTFO you mundane

>>7196105
>The lack of libido is not an orientation.

Why not?
The rainbow flag includes all colours and orientations, including those that may not fit your narrow definitions. Stop telling people to get the fuck out. That is so childish.

>>7177472
The Clueless
>knows nothing about sex
>every sex joke goes past them
>will probably happily live with 20 cats

>>7196440
>>7177472
The Ambivalent
>not really sure what sexual or romantic attraction is
>will maybe possibly enter a relationship with someone someday
>internally and partially identifies as ace but thinks they might just be repressed

The Sexual Asexual
>fucked more people last month than most people have in their lives
>identify and associate heavily with the lgbt community
>"I have a high libido but do not experience sexual attraction to people!"
>probably a sociopath/has a personality disorder

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>>7196105

Here we go again.
Asexuality isn't the same thing as a lack of libido. You can be asexual and have a libido, just as you can be sexual and lack libido.

how the fuck do i find an ace bf? It's like they're unicorns, jfc

>>7197066
>you can be sexual and lack libido
wat

>>7196155
Not being sexually attracted to anyone is not an orientation; it's just not being sexually attracted to anyone. It has nothing to do with libido, sure, but it's not really an orientation.

>>7198359
Fuck, only noticed now, I shitted things up.
I was thinking of people who have hormone issues and are completely normal sexuals when they fix them.
So yeah, nevermind that part. Probably was half asleep when I wrote that.

The "you can be asexual and have a libido" still stands, though.

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>>7198359
Think of this situation:
"Man, I sure would be fine with fucking that person but I'm just not in the mood right now." (sexual attraction with lack of libido)

Now compare it with this:
"I don't really want to fuck anyone but I guess I'll just use this random person/my hand."
(lack of sexual attraction with libido)

>>7198366
This is often highly debated because it's very similar to saying "Black is not a color because it's the lack of color" and "Atheism is not a religion because it's the lack of belief in god". However, those two things are used to place people and things into categories a lot. You kinda need a category to place the "lack of X" things. Like, where the fuck would you place silence on the place of sound? You need a place to stick that to have a zero.

So yeah, it technically isn't but it gets weird because there's the people in the middle (gray asexuals) so that means they're basically mudbloods or some shit. It's just best to look at it as section on a graph instead like this.

>>7188128
Adopting, I can't help but think having kids is selfish when there are a lot of kids without loving homes out there. Also the idea of being pregnant is repulsive to me.

>>7199762
oh thank god, I'm not the only one.

>>7195152
ive never been comfortable with the lgbt community because theyre just way too openly sexual imo

>>7202550
Those types of people are everywhere and not just in the LGBT community. Stop hanging around sluts and attention whores.

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>reading something that has an ace person in it
>ace gets into an argument with non ace friend after NAF only hangs out with him in order to check out girls
>NAF comes out with a "Well, I'm not going to apologize for being a normal guy"

Damn, that hit too close for comfort.

>>7202835
It gets even worse/better

>Ace becomes friends with a girl
>Girl asks if he wants to hang out
>Ace says sure
>Realizes as he's walking away that he just made a date and his aroace ass starts panicking

>He imagines his wedding and instead of kissing they high five

>He is 100% immune to love magic and was only able to fall more in love with the food he was eating

Have you ever not told your bf/gf that you're ace? Because I just got into a relationship and I haven't brought it up at all. I don't really care for sex because I find it tedious/droll, but I won't say no to my partner either if they want to tango. Should I even mention it?

>>7174808
Nah, not really. It's kind of liberating to know that I will never be rejected in the most common way that people are rejected. I can speak truth to people that everyone around me perceives as too attractive to offend. I can connect with people that everyone around me perceives as too ugly to be with. There's a whole dimension of human activity that agonizes and restricts everyone around me but doesn't apply to me at all.

>>7199762
Kids are like pets. There are just too many disreputable breeders out there, and everyone thinks they'll be the exception even when they're plainly unqualified for the task. Only kids are even more of a problem because at least a lot of pets get sterilized.

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>>7203029
>only able to fall more in love with the food he was eating

>Tranny
>Feel sexual desire and arousal
>But never have actually enjoyed sex, never in to it when it happens, both pre-hrt and after
>Don't even enjoy it when my partner indulges in my kinks
>Don't enjoy it with men or women
>Not because of dysphoria either because it only really causes dysphoria during PiV sex which I rarely have

does this sound like I'm asexual? I really hope not, I'd hate to be double mentally ill.

>>7206887
>feel sexual desire

That is the only part of that story that matters. You're not ace. You just have an unsatisfying sex life.

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>>7205596

>>7205354
Not outright, but my husband of 10 years is aware that I'm not a sexually minded person. We've discussed it several times and clarified that I just don't lust for people, but that I love him beyond words and he's very attractive to me romantically. I may not think to initiate sex, but it's a pleasurable way to express intimacy and important to him. We've made it work and enjoy a regular sex life together without demanding I be who I'm not.

>>7206942
>I can connect with people that everyone around me perceives as too ugly to be with
>>I can connect with people

That's not a/the sociopath, anon. I think they just have a superiority complex.

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How do i go /ace/mode voluntarily? Sex and desire has been more in the way of happiness in my life

Do I just install a porn blocker and slap myself across the face every time I think something lewd?

Also how do you find a qt ace gf that just wants to cuddle? Do ace girls appreciate and honour relationships?

>>7207413
uhh

Wean yourself off of porn, and jerking in general

Learn how to say no to your urges

You're not going to become ace, but some people live their whole lives celibate, so i'm sure you can do it too.

>>7207443
>You're not going to become ace
Well fuck me

>>7207443
How about that last part, do (most, the average) ace girls honor their relationships? Or do they become emotional slutbags instead of sexual, always looking for romantic thrills?

>>7207495
A lot of people will not be happy in a relationship if they are not sexually satisfied

However, most of the people that are out looking for a relationship fall in to this category

Still, a large portion of women are principled enough to not cheat

You just wont find them as often due to circumstances.

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>>7207536
I know this, I was just asking specifically about /ace/ girls. I don't mind no sex except if we decide to have kids 10 years down the line. Otherwise an /out/going personality is a must.

>>7207562
everyone is different how should I know

some ace girls are aro and aren't looking for an emotional pillow

others are

Girls are people too and have personalities all over the spectrum

>>7207562

/ace/ girls aren't horny so, no, they aren't going to cheat.

>>7207456
No thanks

>>7207682
Kek sorry no pun intended