>I wanted to transition, but...

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>>7047166
>My face is too manly and wouldn't work
>Too poor for laser, REALLY needs it
>Too por for constant mones and a lazy fuck who can't get a job
>Country is too shit for trans people, at least in the conservative rural area i live
>I will eventually kill myself at 25-30 anyway, why should it matter

>>7047166
I was born in the early 90s and went through puberty before I could have my soul corrupted by liberals

>>7047226
This

>>7047166
>not being able to have a NICE dick but it's all about the dick for me

>>7047166
mom said no

>>7047166
>Too tall
>Face too manly
>Too poor for proper surgery, mones
>Baptist family would literally exile me forever
>Already, 24, results would be shit

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>>7047226
>>7047282
>tfw your first exposure to transsexuals was trashy day time tv

>>7047629
deja-vu i've seen this post before

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>>7047629

my first exposure was ace ventura and the coach from scary movie

i think jerry springer was kinder

>>7047629
>tfw never got sick on the Jerry springer tranny day so didn't even know it existed even as a circus act

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>underage for mones

Hopefully i'll in two months if NHS is fast and will let me get in them with 1 or 2 interviews.

someone told me it was no big deal and would eventually go away

I realised it was bullshit when it was too late

>>7047629
>>7047654

I don't know if it was Jerry Springer or Ace Ventura that was first in my case. Coincidentally, I met a tranny with the last name Ventura some weeks ago.

>>7047959

I thought on my own it would eventually go away, or at least hoped it would based on some bullshit tantrum my father had.

>>7047226
>>7047629
Holy shit this so much.

>>7047629

Learned about mtf from Jerry Springer.
Learned about ftm from Boys Dont Cry.

I'd never be able to live as gender neutral like I want. I'll probably end up on hormones eventually but for now I'll just try to live as female.

I thought crossdressing was the most anyone could do for transitioning.
I don't think I learned about hrt until highschool (15ish).

>already 23
>scared of needles
>scared of change
>dad hates trannies
>will never have a proper dick
>like guys anyway, easier to just suffer and find a qt that will let me peg him
>still like wearing makeup occasionally, afraid of being called fakeboi

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>I don't think I learned about hrt until highschool (15ish).

>>7047629
>watched Care Bears all the time as a kid
>the writers literally did not care and like two or three of the bears would change gender between seasons, or even between episodes, like Funshine Bear and Secret Bear

>older sister used to joke that they were getting sex changes between episodes
>explains that doctors can change boys into girls with surgery when I ask what that means
>7 year old me's mind blown

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>wanted to at 19
>tried to at 22, gave up
>still want to at 25
>much fatter now
>getting older
>dysphoria is manageable
>i'm the laziest piece of shit on earth, so I would just half-ass it anyways
>use video games and my imagination for outlets.

I think... I think I'm gonna make it. Life is pretty good, you know? I might never be a cute lesbian cosplaying videogame characters... but I have other outlets and don't dwell on things.

>>7050144
hope you can continue to repress, hon

Im dying and i have a loving girlfriend.
i also wanted to be a physicist... somethings in life aren't meant too be.

>>7050144
Im in the same situation as you except that im 20 years old. I just behave feminine and comletely shave at night so i can let go off some steam and plays loads and loads of RPGs. The only thing im missing right now is someone to cuddle with ;-;

>>7047166
I live in GOD DAMNED ALABAMA with CHRISTIAN CONSERVATVE PARENTS
…who would even be OK if I were gay, but taking hormones to prevent suicide from wanting to be a girl is just too far-fetched. alas.

I hope to get a job soon but bica @ $1.66/day plus $25 shipping and $6 fee to purchase a prepaid card so parents don't find out adds up

Going to uni soon, hopefully, though. That takes care of shipping concerns but it will be infinitely harder to get money while there.

>>7047166

>Actually started seeing the benefits of being a man
>Too manly and actually look better as a guy
>Too old
>State/family/friends too conservative (Mississippi)
>Also 90s
>Broke
>Fairly lazy in regards to body upkeep (Especially hair wise)
>Playing the hand I've been dealt instead of fighting fate my whole life

/futurehongen/

>don't want to be looked upon as a fucking monster and have a label forced on me for the rest of my life

y'know, the usual

>>7050275
Some, yes, but probably mostly just people who will continue repressing and blossom into subpar males (those who are still to do so, that is.)

>>7050389
Was hormones-only/closeted transition not an option for you?

>>7050393
>those who are still to do so
*those who are still AROUND to do so

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>>7050396
desu, I would probably pass. I've had people who thought I was the little girl at first glance multiple times. The problem is I'm just too emotional and self obsessed with how other people look at me I've just been letting my depression convince me It's not worth it

>>7050144
>>7050257
if your choice to not transition holds, find a trans bf/gf or someone who will understand so you can be a girl in private with them and not worry about it. if i were dating someone who chose not to transition but still had dysphoria that's what i would do for them to make them feel nice when we spent time together.

>>7050489
;_; that is beautiful

Does it count if I'm on hrt but never plan to present as a woman or get SRS even if I'd really like to do both? If so:
>Don't morally agree with a person claiming to be the sex they're not or trying to present themselves in such a way that would convince people that they are the other sex, basically have gender critical "terf" ideology, believe gender dysphoria to just be a mental illness that I'm using hrt as a treatment for
>Would just be an unpassing transbian if I did
>Am actually pretty attractive as an androgynous boy with boobs, and most straight cis girls surprisingly aren't too put off by boiboobs

my determination to just remain a femboy is being tried by my libfem girlfriend though. She constantly makes comments about how in the future she wants me to wear a dress if we ever get married like we plan to, and how she knows I'm "a girl on the inside" or whatever, and she always tells people I'm her girlfriend behind my back. I come on here and reddit to look at trannies and remind myself why I should hold to my beliefs and never let me trick myself into pretending that I'm a girl.

>>7050528
>>Don't morally agree with a person claiming to be the sex they're not or trying to present themselves in such a way that would convince people that they are the other sex, basically have gender critical "terf" ideology, believe gender dysphoria to just be a mental illness that I'm using hrt as a treatment for
get over it

>Would just be an unpassing transbian if I did
a fair reason

>Am actually pretty attractive as an androgynous boy with boobs, and most straight cis girls surprisingly aren't too put off by boiboobs
a fair reason

>>7050535
>get over it
No.
>>7050528
Oh yeah, I should also add, I like the added respect I get from being perceived as a guy and I feel cooler imagining myself as a guy than as a tranny.

>>7050528
this is the most serious case of repression i've ever seen lmao

>I'd look like a disgusting hon, because 100% of trannies who transition older than 15 look like hons, despite what their hugboxes claim

Repression working well though! Managed to hit my 30s without killing myself. Only another 20 years to go

>>7050542
Don't see how. I'm on hrt, I'm aware I have a problem, I just don't let being mentally ill consume my life and turn me into a social outcast, you know, I act like a normal human being and not a fucked in the head tranny.

>tall
>Meh/10 looks, not overly masc or fem
>Already ruined psychologically from confusion and intense dysphoria
>Taking steps to transition but was recently made homeless, may just kill self

Wew lad

>>7050528
>my determination to just remain a femboy

Oh goodie. That will be fun when you're 30 and you look like those skinny, flaming faggot old guys who no one ever likes because they desperately cling to their youth

Everyone loves old flamers!

>muh hrt will stop that

kek

>>7050559
>That will be fun when you're 30 and you look like those skinny, flaming faggot old guys who no one ever likes because they desperately cling to their youth
Better that than a hon. Besides I don't care about looking young, I just want to stay feminine so I don't end up blowing my brains out because of gender dysphoria.

>>7050568
You're sending mixed messages anon.

>>7050572
How's that?

>>7050528
>believe gender dysphoria to just be a mental illness that I'm using hrt as a treatment for
>Would just be an unpassing transbian if I did
>Am actually pretty attractive as an androgynous boy with boobs
holy shit are you me

>>7050575
>Feminine
Getting old as a male

Pick one

>>7050548

>Managed to hit my 30s without killing myself. Only another 20 years to go

Do you have a genetic condition that will kill you in your 50s then? Because I count another 40 for the average person of your age.

>>7050643
>Hrt
>Male aging

Pick one. I'm planning on getting FFS too at some point. I'm fairly confident in my ability to keep my dysphoria low enough that I won't kill myself.

>>7050651
So if women go on hrt they will stay forever young.
Or only men can look like young women for ever

>>7050661
Women literally take HRT themselves so they don't look like old men after menopause

>>7050661
I never said anything about looking young, just staying feminine. Stop projecting your own peter pan syndrome onto others anon.

>>7050664
>implying anything wrong with peter pan syndrome

Also femininity≈youth

>>7050666
>femininity≈youth

Oh, I didn't realize I was arguing with a dumb fag who's concept of femininity only comes from his experience with twinks. Just pretend I didn't ever respond to you in that case, it's not worth arguing with your ignorant ass.

>>7050670
That was my first post in this thread
(And you didn't even check my satanic trips)

>>7050559
STOP IMPLYING 30 IS OLD TRUE AGING WON'T BEGIN UNTIL 50 IF YOU AREN'T GENETIC TRASH

IF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF YOU COULD BE A 60 30 YEAR OLD AND AT 30 YOU COULD STILL BE 18

APPERANCE WISE THAT IS

>>7047166
>am ugly
>am fat
>would probably never pass
>could never tell parents or anyone else
>would rather commit suicide than admit I want to be a girl
>hate myself a lot
>want to die

>>7050695
haha no. The only ways you can be 18@30 are genetics, makeup, and HRT.

>>7050753
>genetics, makeup, and HRT
Meant that to be "or"

>>7050753
there is no way you look 18 at 30, you can look very young and with good skin, but still your face changes
women dont look like they are 18 with all their skincare and natural hormones, far from it

>>7047166
I live in a literal third world country and I'm pretty scared. Also I keep having anxiety over just thinking about seeing a therapist

>>7050806
when my mom was in her early 30s, she looked 18

we're asian.

>>7050814
>asian
cheaters!

>currently 19 years old
>only found at that transitioning was a thing a year ago
>too scared to actually transition because hormones are expensive and idk what my family will think of me
>live in a pretty shitty country
>rationalise that transitioning would probably add more problems than it solves

I'll just be a very depressed person rather than a differently depressed person with more problems, I think. I just hope I'm not making a terrible mistake

>Mormon family
>move away and transition anyways at 18
>be stealth
>get a letter addressed to deadname
>upcoming family reunion
:thinking:

>>7047644
Did you just Eurobeat meme

>>7050932
You could easily just not crossdress for the family reunion, no? And wear clothes to hide the boobs?

Nobody will be weirded out about your face unless it's got the accompanying haircut and clothes

>>7050932

How do they know where you live?

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>>7050932
>lived in fucking thailand
>found out about transitioning when 5 years later, after having moved away from the country

AUTISM LMAO THANK YOU FATHER

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>>7047629
>tfw it was some newspaper article about hon fetishist that cemented your repression for next 20 years

fuck you susan or whatever your name was

>>7051037

Bruh, fucking it up like that when you could get almost any drug without a prescription... how do you not neck yourself?

>>7050923
Fucking hell. Do it. Literally do it. It's better all around. Stop making excuses before you end up 24+ and wishing you'd started now.

>>7051173
Are my excuses not valid though? Sure I'm depressed, but wouldn't transitioning create more problems than it solves?

>>7047224
What country you from? US?

>>7047945
>if the NHS is fast
I have some bad news for you...

Seriously, the NHS takes forever and you will regret waiting for it. Self-med.

>>7051037
Wow. I think you won. The most idiotic ways to ruin your life.

Hon Award 2016 goes to you

>>7047166
>born in a shitty third world country
>grow up in a shitty broken family
>my parents always hated eachother, they got divorced when I was 10 (and it was for the better)
>before that my mother was an aggressive cunt who beat the living shit out of my siblings
>I was the younger one, so I learned to live in fear of getting that beating, which made me really anxious and fearful of defying my parents or stand out for myself
>I still got beaten a couple of times, but not as violently as my siblings
>got bullied at school by some jerk when I was 6-7
>when I was 12 I started having strong dysphoria
>still too scared to even accept it to myself, so I repressed it
>when I was 18 I couldn't keep doing it, so I accepted that I was trans
>didn't tell anyone about it
>hiding it from everyone just made me more depressed
>I dropped out from college 3 times
>eventually my family found out I was trans
>still couldn't face them because I felt too much shame
>they never touch the subject because it's too awkward for them
>now I'm 25
>too masculine to have any chance to achieve a female look
>tfw I lost the chance to be a little girl, a teenager or a YA
>tfw my options are not transitioning and feel like shit all the time or transition into a hon, become a walking joke and feel dysphoria anyways
>tfw there's always that third option
I don't know what to do from this point. I mean what to do besides kms.

>>7051519
No

You can hide it and it will help the dysphoria

In fact, hormones-only (non-social and no SRS) transitioning is the lowest suicide risk category

>>7052219
>In fact, hormones only (non-social and no SRS) transitioning is the lowest suicide risk category
[citation needed]

>>7047166
born in the '80s, puberty blockers weren't a thing in the US until late 00s. Didn't know you could use debit card online to order online hormones until college, or would have started at 16. And informed consent wasn't a thing exactly until maybe later college years. Briefly tried hrt from online order 3 and 4 years ago, but stopped almost immediately each time because I realized I wanted to bank sperm, but would have to come out to do that. Still not out.

>>7052305
you do know that banking sperm is primarily for men right? like... 99% of people who bank sperm are cis men. why would you have to come out?

>>7052219
But then I'd be infertile, and like I said, I'd have trouble affording hormones. I'm from a poor country

>>7049703
If you are scared of needles there is this numbing cream that I use for getting my blood taken. It works amazingly. It took me years to finally transition because of my phobia.

>>7052382
Bicalutamide and Spironolactone don't cause permanent infertility

And Spiro is cheap, 33¢/day

>>7052417
Just taking spiro is hardly transitioning, it's basically the same as doing nothing. I also live with my parents at the moment and if they find out about anything I order I'd be screwed

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>Born in 1999
>Always identified as a girl
>Ultra-Conservative mother sees this
>Says its a phase and the "Devil's Influence"
>Forced to repress
>Face is too Masculine now

>>7052852
>>Born in 1999
you need to be 18 to post here

>be me
>male
>dont really think much about it
>dont care im male
>want to be qt3.14
>dont have the energy to not be male
:(

>>7052852
>>7052875
o shit u fucked up my man

R.I.P., enjoy your 2 month ban

>>7052875
>>7053252
>Implying i care

I didn't have the vocabulary or environment to properly understand it. I wanted to be a girl but you can't do that so that's it. I guessed a few odd other people were "transvestites" too, and that's something you never tell anybody. I wished to be 26 and living alone so I could wear women's clothes all the time without worry or guilt. Well now I kind of got what I wished for. Except I'm a mentally and emotionally broken permaNEET who can't actually do it because I make me sick. And now I am only left with the knowledge that if only I were born less than 10 years later I would have been able to be happy instead of a shell of a person.

>>7053358
>tfw I'm pretty much the same except I'm 25
>tfw I'm marginally better than you
HA, fucking loser. It's so good to be me (no, it isn't).

I'm 21, is it too late or should I go for it?

>>7053406
if you dress as a girl now could you pass

if no

then no

>>7053406
How's your body?
Also, post face pic for a better judgement.

>>7053422
IT'S NOT A "YES OR NO" QUESTION, YOU FUCKING RETARD.
WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY WAS.
"If you dress as a girl now could you pass?

If no then it's too late

If yes then go for it"
Fucking kid these days. I'm no grammarfag, but when you redact like a fucking down syndrome then you have a problem, not me.

>>7053406
With FFS, probably not unless you've been fucked by your genetics. Still, both dysphoria and results will only get worse with time.

Dumb question: does HRT affect how the hair grows? Like, it seems impossible to grow my hair like a girl right now.

>>7053905
No, girls generally grow their hair in a particular style. Skull structure might be a factor, though.

>>7053406
If you're trans, you should go for it as soon as you can. Even if you don't pass, the investment in HRT will at least stop you from aging like a man.

Running on T, you'll feel more and more dysphoric as time goes on. This is how 40 year old hons are made.

So just do it.

>>7053946
yeah, that's the reason why I wanna do it, but I'm afraid of being a hon anyway.

>>7054025
Why not just present as a man if you don't feel comfortable in girlmode? Hormones are fairly cheap (although that probably depends on where you are) and worth it just for the mental effects alone.

Not to mention that you might be surprised by what hormones could do for you. Who knows, maybe you'll even look cute someday. :3

>>7053424
I'll post it tomorrow if I remember.

>>7054075
What a nice thought. I just hope I can reconcile with being a boy on hrt. But I feel a little less crazy about it. Goodnight legbutts, see you all in the morning.

>will be 25 in a few months
>skinnyfat guy, have moobs and a belly
>don't have the willpower to lose weight
>transitioning seems like a long and scary process
>am very lazy
>don't know how family/friends will react
>even if I do transition, I would never look like the sexy runway model I wish I could be

I've been "okay" with being a guy for about 20 years, only seriously started thinking about this a few years ago, I figure maybe I can just keep being "okay" with it for the rest of my life, no? As long I don't think too much about my body and facial hair, or going bald, or how I'll never have the figure of a Victoria's Secret model...

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>>7051096
By hating my father. But he gives me money and regrets it. He hasn't said anything alibg those lines but I can tell

>>7052019
I didnt have a strong libido or masturbate. Kinda licky bit huge hands lol. At that age iwas already this height

>tfw amnesia

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>>7054660
>"okay" with being a guy for about 20 years, only seriously started thinking about this a few years ago
>slowly fell deeper and deeper
>started two months shy of 25
>end up getting ever more frequent dysphoria attacks
>get angry for 1. being born so late and ignorant 2. not seeing the writing on the wall early enough
>the only solace is in knowing the damage at least won't get any worse
>waver from thinking i'm still completely fucked and maybe i can manage to survive with ffs and implants
basically, take your meds pham, lest you wake up one day and accidentally catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and see pic related staring back at you, wondering whether you might not have been as fucked as you thought

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>>7047629
>tfw first exposure was David DuHonvny from Twin Peaks
thanks David Lynch
it was weird

>>7047945
hello friend.
you are in for a wild fucking ride.
t. someone who spent over a year fucking around with camhs and GIDs to get blockers, and this was back in like 15', so god knows what the waiting list is like now, but sorry to break it to you; you aren't getting blockers/hrt in 2 sessions/ unless youre attempting suicide at every given moment and you force their hand.

best advice is to not be autistic and spill your guts, if you want blockers you have to be desperate enough, if you want E, you have to appear sane enough; but you have to do one before the other

oh and you also need to have 8 months RLE, and have been on blockers for over a year to qualify for hrt

enjoy

>>7047629
For me it was some Oprah special. I remember seeing some mtf crying about playing with Barbies as a kid or something and my mum and dad were heckling at the TV the whole time, you know, your standard "what a fucking freak!" tier shit, and when I was young I wanted nothing more than my parents' approval so I was extremely transphobic/homophobic as a kid, ended up being an FTM. God thibgs could've been different had I been born 10 years later.

As for why I haven't transitioned yet?

Not enough money, too much of a lazy depressive NEET to do much about it.

>>7052459
> it's basically the same as doing nothing
Exactly: your body won't be getting worse either. Not taking HRT is doing something.

>>7052852
Surgery for face. It's better than your body being masculine. Also it can get a lot worse if you're still that young so don't put off transition.

>>7055292
I'm still trying to deny the fact I may be trans, I don't want to accept it and make it real, because then I might start feeling worse about things. If I just keep denying it, maybe I'll keep being somewhat okay with it all. But also I'm afraid of getting older and realizing that I should have transitioned earlier, so what the fuck

Because I'm nonbinary.

I wanna transition like hell but my anxiety gets the best of me. My parents will misgender me, my friends will misgender me, everyone will think I'm a dumb weirdo, I'll never be accepted, being genderqueer will never be socially acceptable in my lifetime. This makes me feel awful but it's safer being closeted and miserable than out, miserable, and judged.

>>7052273

That can explained easily: trannies with enough dysphoria that they -NEED- SRS are more likely to be the ones unhinged enough to commit suicide regardless of whether they get it. A tranny who doesn't need the surgery is in most cases probably willing to overlook some imperfections of their conformity to a standard female appearance, while a tranny in need of SRS will not commit suicide only if they transition pre-pubertally or if the male puberty they were hit with was light.

>>7052305

Are you a transbian? If not, you'll probably never realistically use your sperm to have a baby.

>>7052317

It might be because she doesn't have the money, but her parents would be willing to pay for it to preserve the possibility of grandchildren.

>>7052852

I was pretty fucked by 17 too, but that doesn't mean you can't make it.

>>7053358

>I guessed a few odd other people were "transvestites" too, and that's something you never tell anybody.

How could you tell and who were some of these people along with what they were like?

>>7053406

Better to do it as soon as possible than never.

>>7054660

If you find swimming enjoyable, you can burn about 456 calories in an hour, exact numbers would depend on your specifics.

Start HRT, eventually your jaded outlook and detached personality won't be able to shield you from the pressure of masculinizing more and more everyday.

>>7054670

What did your father do to prevent you from transitioning early?

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>>7056598
>If I just keep denying it, maybe I'll keep being somewhat okay with it all

>>7056675
Swimming is just about the only exercise I'm capable of doing, I just have to work up the confidence to actually get to a pool

>>7056684
I-I just want to go back to being able to ignore it...

>i'm very short, i don't wanna look like an ugly weird short man
>i'm poor as fuck
>ftm srs looks fake and tacky and the "penis" doesn't function like a cis guys dick
>i feel guilty for letting everyone in my life down
>trans guys aren't desirable to gay guys (and i'm mostly gay)
>i'm underage for hormones
>i'm scared i'll regret it and still have dysphoria due to factors like my body shape and height

>>7047629
The first thing that I remember was this journalist reportage done in a local TV channel about transgender people. It was quite sensitive for the time (I was like 9 or 10 at the time), but I just have some memories about it.
I have searched for it, but I can't find it.

>>7052317
>>7056675
Basically, if you're not financially independent, you have to use other people's money for most of this stuff. In college I needed financial and other assistance, and they bar you from having part time employment to get it. So, I didn't have real part time work until after graduating, and it was barely above minimum wage, working two jobs. And at this point my mom is dead and dad old, retired and just moving out from where I am. Trying to get credit going, work on the internet since I don't have those two jobs anymore for a couple years now - not fired from either, just one was a non-profit that reorganized a bit, the other a training and contracting agency, not an indefinite position. Both were good for what they were, but I really burned out on working in an office in two years, and also developed IBS, which made commuting impossible (though I used skype and google drive to continue the website testing job for another year from home).

Yeah, I'm into women (honestly I'd like to experience both giving and receiving PIV, but I'm not especially into men, only equipped to give, and it's like $20K+ for a pussy). Didn't have time in most of college due to papers. Briefly dated one girl about five years ago, didn't go anywhere. Hoping to land a ltr real soon, plus informed consent.

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>>7056675
>living in China for a few years now
>2004 - 2008 time frame
>at some point I became an Elliott Rodger tier loser type
>the new shy kid that became the weird kid because I didn't place enough time understanding social interaction or whatever I can't remember much, just being a loser and never invited to hang out

I've been listening to Mumkey's audio book on Elliott's memoirs, I relate to a bit of it

>remember spending a lot of time online looking at things and playing flash games
>make an account on gaia or deviantart, I dont remember and they are lost with my old email I forgot
>befriend some girl a few years younger than me. We somehow became facebooks friends recently
>anywho we talk a lot, like every fucking day
>talk about livin in China, she talks abour Iceland
>talk about music one day, she brings up Tokio Hotel
>keep looking at pics of Billy Kaulitz
>don't have a sexual attraction to him but a narcissm in wanting to look like that
>end up buying fairly average teenage girl clothes, don't remember what, but fairly conservative, practical and nothing too frilly
>have a week of dress up at school
>my memory is vague so I don't remember if it was a few days we did this during one year or separate years, just in secretly the first and open the second time ie cross dressing in front of parents publicly before going to school
>end up cross dressing both days
>friends are all smiley and happy and look silly campy as fuck

>tfw just remembered some make up thing a bunch of girls might have done for me when living in Jordan and being shy so running Away

>fairly average I just wear a cardigan, a skirt some tights and sneakers
>I don't remember how people interacted with me and how I interacted with them I just behaved my usual self
>time passes, months weeks??
>one day dad wakes me up
>sometimes I slept with girls Pajamas

Okay remembering this is really triggering me and scaring me. Explains why Im so paranoid and panick easily
...

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>>7058151
(Cont)
>dad made sure we never locked our doors
>if we did he would literally break the lock off and yell a lot
>So I made sure to stay awake after they go to sleep and wale up early early, I could tell when they did it was very easy to
>he has a certain look of anger. Its extremely scary but over time he has calmed down
>so the first confrontation he had with me regarding the cross dressing
>wakes me up, Says to get ready for the camping trip
>he looks dead but angry or something it was the scariest fucking thing in the world when he did that
>so hes downstairs, I go downstairs and we eat breakfast
>he might have had an empty plastic bag or bag full of my clothes
>he says he knows and he doesnt want to talk about it and doesnt want me doing it again
>i throw away my clothes
>mom and brother are in another country at this time
>go on trip, forget about what dad said, have a fun time....
>few months later still doing it and not listening to dad
>or a year I dont remember how long it went on for
>dad confronts me a second time
>mom was there this time. My brother might have been at a friends house
>she stays in the hall way, I sit with dad on the couch with that same deathly silence
>tv was on earlier I was watching some movie I'll never know the name of it was interesting too
>i forget the order of what happened exactly but hes yelling, my clothes are in a bag again or he makes me put them in the bag
>mom was in the hallway entire time
>i go to my room and cry
>buy clothes secretly for next few years.. Again
>keep it super fucking secret
>never ever fucking wear them
>.....
>years go by
> thailand woo new school new people
>still an Elliott Rodger
>lived in fucking thailand.

Oh my fucmjng god there wee sk mant fksdmab kathkeoys knt the streets.

>mom did reaxh out a few times
>in thailand she reached out one last time
>i put her away, litsrally
>was acared shed telll dad
>was always scared. Always hid and djd nothing..
...

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>>7058256
Forget to mention. Second time dad confronted me he said he'd disown me then and there. In china. Where I am a foreigner. In a fuck huge land where I knew no one. Kicked out and made homeless. In a remote part of shanghai with no white people.

Last part..

>thailand thailand thailand oh boy
>was a bit better
>did hang out more
>partying wasnt really my vibe
>hung out with twins. Did weab shit so that was nice
>crossed dressed around them
>hahaha totallly not in the closet

When I look back at this behaviour kt frightens and saddens me. I had no idea why I did such things, just what dad said... Making us dependant on him... Its unfair..

>ome time two girls were gonna give me a blowjob
>i dont remember I remember freaking out and no climaxing cuz I ran away
>had a gf for a week. Broke up because it felt wrong. Her hair smelles nice though.... We did a lot of foreplace.... No piv... ._.
>graduated high scholl
>moved to Japan
>climax from a classmate
>realize I have a penis at the age of 19. Had never masturbated before
>years spent realizin shit too late not knowing what to do but wandering all of Tokyo late at night. So fucknig glad I did I cherish them as its all I can relate with and associate as my memory... Everything else feels alien.. But it was me

Etc Tldr I hate what he did but still love him. I can't change the past and need to move on.

>tfw no bf to cuddle with

>>7056675
>How could you tell and who were some of these people along with what they were like?
i'm pretty sure i'd seen susan's or laura's at one point. i don't remember if that was the first time. maybe also that shitty (redundant) adam sandler flick with the german tranny hooker with a booming voice, although i don't know when i saw that. i really don't have a strong memory of most of these. i can't even figure out when i really knew what "gay" was, which as far as i can tell is usually discovered before trans. ironically i feel like i was pretty oblivious, definitely compared to people on here who talk about knowing about lgbt clubs or knowing lgbt people in fucking middle school

>>7056483
>>7056675
>>7056675
Thanks for the kind words.
But believe me when I'm telling you, not even surgery can fix me.
My facial structure is really Masculine, strong jawline, chin, fucked up nose , 5'9, deep voice.
Im beyond saving.

>>7059250
5'9" isn't even that bad desu. Strong jawlines and chins can be fixed, as can your voice and nose.

>>7047226
Yep, This

>>7058359
holy shit desu

i r8 8/8

>i-i'll cuddle u

Just found out I'm trans at 23.
Absolutely terrified I'll never pass, my face isn't even remotely feminine, I'm 5'11, and my hairline is fucked.
I know it will only get worse as time goes on, but I'm fucking scared. I haven't slept or eaten in two days.

>>7060604
take the hormones, cocoon for a few years, then kys if it doesn't work out. that's the plan i'm on

>>7060604
Now that you've taken the red pill, there's no turning back. See a therapist as soon as you can. It might help you sort out your feelings.

If your genetics are good, you might end up passable or even attractive. If not, prepare to be a hon forever. Either way, HRT is worth a shot.

Your life will probably be hell on earth for the next year at the least, and possibly for the rest of your life if your transition fails. Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?

>>7060665
This anon speaks the truth. My plan is to kms if it doesn't work out.

>>7060709
>Ignorance is bliss

In a relative sense...

>depression since puberty
>wtf is wrong with me?
>turning 26 in current year
>read about mtf/trans on Vietnamese cake decoration site
>oh fuck, oh shit
>depression evaporates at realisation
>why can't I just be depressed?

Maybe when I come out my family and friends will reject me so I can kms guilt-free

>>7062880
don't stay alive for their sake

>>7064525
I dunno, seems unnecessarily cruel to hurt them like that. I've managed to stay alive this long, might as well see where the ride ends.

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my face is a constant source of anxiety
i don't wanna disappoint my dad

>>7047166
Im an identical twin. It would be weird if I did.

>>7072137

You know there are identical twins who have been in your position and done it anyway, don't you?

>>7047594
Ftm really have it the worst with genitalia. Having a dildo surgically attached.. never being able to fuck like a cis guy or cum like a cis guy. At least trans girls have genitalia that can orgasm and be fucked real good using lube.

>>7047166
I'm 21, it's too late.

>>7073072

Better now than never.

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>>7072137
>mfw your identical twin is also trans
>mfw your identical twin thinks the same thing
>mfw you both become hons as soon as the first one cracks in middle age