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since we're all miserably depressed fags/trannies/queers etc for one reason or another, I thought it would be nice to have thread for us all to talk about how much we all want to die in
post away
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>NEET money I saved up almost runs out because I had to pay for a bunch of unexpected expenses
>I was supposed to use that money to self med
>ran out of AAs
Now I need to go see a therapist so that I can get start cheaper HRT, but I'm absolutely terrified of going or even asking my parents to take me. Whenever I think about it I get really scared.
The other day I tried to tell my mom I'm trans but no words came out of my mouth. I just wish I was a person that spoke their mind.
Now I'm just wasting away
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>>6846985
>tfw starting the second year of not speaking aloud to people for months at a time
sometimes you're so alone that you forget that just being around people in public by yourself doesn't count as not being alone.
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>>6846985
I just don't know where to find friends or people to accept me. I know where they exist, but so too do the kids in Darfur know of Hollywood. I always love when the "kid that lives at home(TM) on reddit all day" archetypes just tell me "so move there :)".
Why so I can be forced homeless to hsve survival sex on the streets and become a junky? The ones who tell me to just "get a job there ;3" don't understand the world.
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>>6847069
I've just entered this phase of life. My parents keep getting annoyed and barking at me and nagging me. It's been since I was 14 I avoided this type of despondent behavior, but really totally removing myself from society is proving comforting it. Like go ahead and talk to me like I'm listening, and go ahead and ask if I'm really okay or nag me to go places. I'm going to remain in my own little world where I was born a girl.
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>>6846985
Not so much 'sad' as weary.
Threw my back out last week, sliced my thumb open making breakfast this morning, and spent the weekend fixing my gaming PC so I wouldn't go crazy from boredom.
And with all my immune system and healing being taken up with fixing what I've fucked up, I'm getting a little sick.
Oh, and I only got like 5 hours sleep last night, because I went to bed late, then woke up stupidly early feeling wide awake.
Life is pain.
>>
>tfw cute
>personality is too fucked up to actually find another qt to love and be loved by
>actively putting myself out there and talking to people is just so exhausting and painful that I want to quit
All the other trans/lgbt shit doesn't even bother me anymore, I just want to not be alone for a change.
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>>6848152
I can relate.
>Masculine but cute in a way
>Weird eccentric with a "different" sense of humour
>All of the gays I know have normie tastes and normie senses of humour - just think I'm creepy
>All they want to talk about is muh pride and faggy, femmy stuff - none of them care about relationships and forgot that gay is a sexual orientation, not a personality type
>All of them say I need to embrace my feminine side and that my lack of effeminacy is purely a result of internalised homophobia
>Only get along with heteros who enjoy my company and the offbeat spin I put on things
The loneliness is starting to feel like it's physically crushing me.
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>at the mall
>almost bump into an old lady at the bookstore
>she says something in a flemish dialect I don't understand
>my delusional mind tells me she said "gee, you look like a girl hehe"
>suddenly feel super confident, pretty, etc
>go to Uniqlo to try some clothes
>accidentally look in the mirror while passing clothing racks
>see an ugly fat man-faced guy with a bad posture staring back at me
>put clothes back
>go home
>cry
:√(
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>>6848262
did you have to remind me this exists
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>>6848262
What the shit is this?
This is the kind of shit that causes murder suicides.
It's distracts me from my thoughts, at least... Thanks.
>>
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>have no friends
>tell mom im going for a walk or to the store
>"okay, but you know it's a lot more fun to go with someone else.. why don't you call [person i haven't talked to in over a year]? or someone from school? or, maybe your dad or i could go with you..."
>literally sit on the computer all day from wake to sleep, or else im browsing the same websites on my phone
>not even in conversation with real people, except sometimes on 4chan or a quick exchange with an acquaintance on [spoiler]tumblr[/spoiler]
>too autism to find a dealer and under 21, so all i can do is sneak alcohol from my parents and mix it with painkillers i was prescribed for routine surgery a while ago
>have visible, probably permanent skin damage on my face from eczema + skin picking for my entire life
>kissless virgin tranny
my only consolation is starting college in a couple weeks, which could make my life either a lot better or a lot worse. i've managed to make decently close friends in the past, at least, but isolated myself because i was half convinced they secretly hated me anyway and i was too depressed to put in effort. also i can actually make myself exercise regularly.
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>>6848350
>literally sit on the computer all day from wake to sleep, or else im browsing the same websites on my phone
>not even in conversation with real people, except sometimes on 4chan
>too autism to find a dealer
>kissless virgin tranny
whoa same
iktf so bad
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I'm not sure when I started to feel remorse, suicidal, and depressed
Just a waste of space. 21 years old and I'm going nowhere in life. I withdrew from college because of the lack of motivation. Wasn't going to class or doing any of the assignments.
I've been so alone for so long. I can't look at my family the same way as I could when I was a kid. It's uncomfortable for me being around them. They won't ever accept that i'm gay. This house feels like a prison
Friends? None. I chose videogames in middle school. Pretty much killing my social life. And it got worst when I went to high school.
Meeting guys on Grindr, Tinder sucks. Everyone just wants to fuck. I get emotionally attached easily.
Why not kill myself? I don't know if I can build the courage to end my life. I've cut a few times in high school. But it was so painful.. I couldn't handle the pain.
I know people out there have it worse. But it's not a compettion to see who has it the worse..
>>
body dysmorphia is crippling this homo
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>everyday feels pretty much the same
>always tired, sleep a lot, when im not sleeping im on 4chan or gaming
>moved to a new town 9 months ago, haven't made a single friend
>reorganizing my room, realize no one but me has ever been in here
>get depressed and nap again
>quit my job because i dont have the mental energy to do it anymore
>school has been in for a few weeks, and iv'e ditched nearly every day
>pretty much go to school to eat and see therapists
>started cutting again, but gave up again because i stopped caring, but have scars all over my biceps now
>reflecting on my complete lack of any romantic relationships
>realize that im terrible person not worthy of being loved
>>
I'm a 31 year old loser. Every time I get interested in a guy, which is very very rarely, maybe once a year, he casually brings up how many dicks he sucks every week on Grindr or whatever and I get disgusted and cut off all contact and go another year without talking to guys. Now I've been sexless for half a decade and it looks like I'll go the rest of my life without dating anyone because I can't get past the whole "sexual freedom" thing.
I don't even want a virgin or anything, just the last guy I started making out with starting comparing my technique to the last guy he boned right in the middle of the session and I threw him off of me disgusted. The best part is I'm pretty sure I'm wrong, I'm pretty sure it's "right" to be a mega-slut and talk about other guys you fuck while you're fucking the current guy but I'll never get past it and I'll always be alone and I'll probably kill myself.
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>>6848350
>abusing alcohol and painkillers while on hrt
well at least you're going to die from liver failure soon
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>>6846985
>consistently plagued by pleasant memories of ex-bf
>remember the bad times
>remember the good... again
>wash, rinse, repeat this cycle for months, even to a few hours ago
>meet cute nerd guy last night at social thing
>he lines up pretty well when it comes to how I think
>tell friend that he's actually cute to me
>feel good about it
>OHGODTHEMEMORIESAREFLOODINGBACKTOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
How the fuck am I not over this guy yet?!
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>>6850327
Wow this is literally how I feel about dating people, It grosses me out when people want to talk about their conquests/ex's right from a first date, and not in the you should have been a virgin for ME kind of thing just turns me off them alot gives me an impression of their personality etc
Hard to find people my age who aren't like this (I'm 21) I do have a boyfriend now but even friends who act like this just give me second hand embarrassment, give off that conforming to yass I'm a mega-slut so my life is therefore amazing image they want you to think ..
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>>6850337
>implying im on hrt
i should be so lucky
also don't worry, i have pathetically low tolerance and at least a few years in me before my early death
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>>6850484
Birthdays suck, get drunk and pretend it isn't happening
>>
My best friend, the only one I really trust, has a crush on me and won't stop talking about it. It makes me rly dysphoric and want to die (not because of him but because of the overwhelming dysphoria). I know I don't look like a man and nobodyll ever see me as a man. That's why k like videogames because I don't have to be a girl: I don't want to exist, I really want to die someone pls agh
>>
>got decent job
>cheap bills
>moved out on my own
>fully self sufficient
>starting to pass
feels good man
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>>6850572
i turn 22 next week. that is my plan so far
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>>6850635
Yeah, give it a few days and you'll be batshit and depressed again
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>>6850654
Naw that's behind me.
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>life's alright
>convinced I'm dieing to my diabetes
I'd like a friend.
>>
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>>6850635
bitch go make your own thread this is for sad losers only
[spoiler]but seriously that's really cool & i'm happy for you[/spoiler]
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I hate everything about my self.
I let my family take advantage of my sense of obligation.
This caused me to be a stay at home uncle for about 5 years.
I was in repression until 22.
Only ever had one bf that left me for some chick he knocked up.
Im 27, ugly,balding and hairy.
I have never had sex.
If I go on dating sites or apps, The only attention I receive are from obese neckbeards and obese seniors.
If nothing else, I have a shotgun.
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>>6850748
How ya doing, man?
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>>6850649
I'm turning 22 on the 18th....
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tonight
>set fire alarm off becasue forgot I was cooking rice
> say sorry and won't happen again
>family doesn't forgive me, could've burnt house down
>moving out tomorrow
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>>6846985
>gay
>decent looking now (didnt used to be, got /fit/ and getting /fit/ter everyday and its really changed my looks)
>still live in conservative shithole because they give me such a huge (natl merit) scholarship i get paid $5000/semester to go to college
>won't be able to move somewhere i can enjoy and be myself in until im almost 23
>have to put entire romantic/sexual development completely on hold until im 23
>all because im gay and live in a shithole
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>>6850601
Wanna play games?
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>>6848152
>actively putting myself out there and talking to people is just so exhausting and painful that I want to quit
THIS JESUS DICK
>>
Just stopping in to say I love you all.
Also to say
>tfw no bf
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>>6851706
That is the nicest think anyone had said to me in months and it hurts.
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>>6851729
Well, I mean that whole-heartedly and I hope you're doing well. I genuinely care about you. So please feel loved, you deserve that much.
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>>6850253
Would you like to play video games with me?
I'm a lesbo btw
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>>6850317
>realize that im terrible person not worthy of being loved
You are worthy of being loved.
>>
> tfw think you'll never wipe out birthday cake from the face of the love of your life because someone else is already doing it.
Why even live?
I even wrote a letter about it, want to read it?
Anytime soon I'll be ready to meet our maker.
>>
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>>6846985
>be me
>be married 6 years
>we were genuinely in love, but probably wouldn't have married if we weren't from different countries and my family isn't catholic
>used to have sex 3, 4 times a day
>that well has dried up
>once a month now
>didn't figure out I'm bi until 3-4 years ago
>thanks 4chan
>large fap folder with gay, trap, tomboy, furry, rule 34, etc.
>wife discovers trap folder I accidentally left open
>"eek! scarred for life! what is that anon!?"
>"what is what?"
>I genuinely have no memory of which porn I was looking at last yesterday, I had hours to edge, she was at work
>see trap boypucci, clean, beautiful, hairless, tight coinpurse ballsack, penor not visible
>"I-I don't know"
>"okay anon..."
not only am I closeted bi, but all my fetishes, fantasies, etc. are closeted too.
she's not religious, but fits right in with my family. doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, doesn't masturbate, doesn't have orgasms, prefers missionary...
I brought home a vibrator and a butt plug once, tried to get her to use them on me, but is grossed out by buttholes in general.
didn't want to let me use the vibrator on her
won't let me stick it in her pooper.
we get along well as great friends, and she still turns me on sometimes, but honestly, we aren't a sexual match and it's killing me inside
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>>6851992
Oh and I prefer life in her country to mine... so I'm scared to ask for a divorce, on top of the fact that it would bring shame to my family
And I'm sure I'll miss her.
>>
>>6848262
>mysides.jpg
Holy shit I'm in public and everyone in 20 feet is staring at me
>>
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>15 days to turn into 20
>I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't expose myself and my gay personality or feelings, only for my lesbian best friend
>Both of us are not the type that goes around craving for boys and girls, we just expect something to happen
>She's my best company, I want her to have a good first time, a good first kiss and a good first night of sex
>I regret my own first gay experiences
>Chubby, a few stretch marks, son of a homophobic man
>I don't love or like myself, I just imagine myself different in my mind, being how I always dreamed
>I always try to make people like me no matter what, I try to joke around, pay them food, invite them for things that I want to see or visit
>In the week only goes out to lunch before go back to work again and to college, that's all
>Weekends just stays in 4chan and gaming
>Decided to change things lately
>I feel alone, trapped in a routine
>I don't have guts to try new stuff while living around my parents
>Feel like a slut everytime when hanging out with gay guys
>fuckyoukissedaguyinthefirstdate.jpg
>I feel that my kisses lost value, they are not special
>Hung out with 5 guys in a lifetime
>Told that loved one of them
>Never loved him, just feel like saying it, pushed him away later for being a drug addict, I feel like a bitch
>Made me feel more mad with myself for seeing my own kiss lose more value
>I'm afraid of kissing someone again, or hanging out with someone again
I really want to change, I'm going to try, I just wanted to know that in the end I'd have a prize, a boyfriend that fulfills my needs. I'm alone right now, feeling hollow and sad, my routine is too quiet, too empty, I wanted someone to make me satisfied with life, that all these sacrifices since waking up and dropping to my bed isn't in vain.
Lately have been dreaming with a guy, long hair, happy, satisfied, the same guy appears in my dreams and it's been 2 weeks, I don't want to wake up, sometimes I wish that I could die to see him everyday.
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>>6852066
I think you sound like a wonderful person. Please don't be sad.
>>
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>>6852130
Sorry for ask or even doubt... Why do you think that?
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>>6852066
This is actually adorable, anon.
You're not a slut; you kissed one person and are still a virgin.
Plus, you had the sense to not go too far with someone you knew wasn't going to work for you. Most gay people would have had sex bareback at least 10 times with someone before coming to that realisation.
>¿Vives en un país hispanohablante? Lo supongo a causa de tu uso de "with" con el verbo "dream".
>>
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>>6852210
>ves en un país hispanohablante? Lo supongo a causa de tu uso de "with" con el verbo "dream".
>!
>I'm from Brazil, I live close to the frontier of Argentina and Brazil and Brazil with Paraguay
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>>6852256
>Oh. TIL Portuguese grammar is very close to Spanish grammar.
Don't worry about getting a bf, anon. It probably won't even register to the vast majority that you lost your kiss virginity; most people don't care about that.
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>>6852262
I had sex once but I didn't enjoyed, I feel like I was there only to please the person, I'm not saying that I was raped or didn't gave my consent I just didn't feel pleasure, but I feel bad for wasting such important things and act for nothing. The friends that I have even if are just 2 are good, but a boyfriend, I know it would be different, I could talk about anything and do everything with him.
>>
>be me, 18 FtM
>got molested and physicaly/emotionally abused when i was 8
>awful sex-self worth complexes ever since
>tfw kissless "virgin"
>tfw noone has ever been in love with me
>tfw noone has ever desired me sexually and respected me enough to ask for my consent
>tfw im a fat fucking ugly piece of shit
>even my bicurious friend wouldn't do any experimenting with me back in y8
>"eww anon no lol you're my frieeend"
>catch her making out with our other lady friend just 2 days later
>ask dude i like which of us is more attractive
>"oh holy shit her definitely"
>HSC shit piling up around my ears
>everything is breaking
>dont enjoy anything anymore
>i sleep a lot because i hate being awake
>going to the doctors next week to see if i have bowel cancer
>kill me
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>>6852277
oh hey another awc
I hope you don't have bowel cancer
>>
>tfw anxiety is my default emotion
>tfw have tons of friends that I spend tons of time with and my course load really isn't bad this semester
>still constantly anxious all the time almost nonstop
>Went on a date this weekend and couldn't even bring myself to get close to physical even though he's hot and I want to
>can't stop hating myself for being gay even though everything rational tells me it's okay
>my parents taught me that being gay is degeneracy and can't unteach myself
>tfw a loving relationship will ruin my relationship with my parents
>>
im broke but just bought an expensive digital piano because why not
my financial situation is shitty
it was probably a bad idea financially but might be good for me emotionally
>>
>>6851706
Thanks. But today will be grey and pointless like every other.
>>
>Crush hard on girl
>She's smart, laid back, and thinks I'm hot for some reason
>Want to be with her all day err day
>She lives halfway across the planet
>You will never be together
>You have never felt more connected with a person
>Life will always suck from now on
>Every morning will be a reminder that you will never be with her
I just want to die.
>>
>>6852277
OK, first, you'e a virgin. Can we just clarify that rape doesn't count? I've seen enough people with broken self esteems over that stuff.
Secondly, you probably aren't fat and ugly. Like you said, emotional trauma left you with a lot of complexes about your self worth.
Third, if a guy (who is probably heterosexual) ranks a female as more attractive than a male, that doesn't mean anything about how attractive you are. If anything, it probably means that you already have a very masculine appearance to you and pass much better (or will if you still haven't transitioned).
Don't beat yourself up about this, anon-kun. I believe in you. You'll get gf/bf (I'm guessing you're bi from the context).
>>
>>6852262
>Tfw kiss less virgin
How
>>
After reading these replies I realised you are bunch of crybabies.There are some people who die in this world from hunger,poorness,wars and other horrible things,and you people are nagging about how lonely or sad you are while not having real problems at all."Muuh first world problems".Good God you are pathetic.
>>
>>6852461
So you DO post in other threads!
I'm a KHV too; how am I supposed to know? I assume you just eventually run into potential bfs or make a dating site profile out of desperation if and when that doesn't happen.
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>>6852597
>wahhh whahh whahhh wahhhhh wahh
this is like a 10-year-old's first YouTube comment tier anti-intellectualism, grow up and kill yourself.
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>>6852597
everybody has their problems anon. doesn't mean our "First world problems" are any less valued. of course though if your complaining that your shoe got a stain or that your phone(s) cant get service at the zoo or whatever, then you can kinda go kys. Most of us have depression or anxiety, just like any other human from any other part of the world can get. most of us being a minority have problems that don't happen to many people, such as getting abandoned and homeless due to being gay or trans. sometimes we just need to vent. We can acknowledge that people still do have it worse off than us. It doesn't make us invalid.
>inb4 >>>tumblr
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>>6851537
Huh?
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>>6848152
>>actively putting myself out there and talking to people is just so exhausting and painful that I want to quit
this. i'm actually pretty good at being social and casually talking to people, used to have way worse social anxiety, but i have trouble making actual friends. can't seem to move anything past the casual friend stage, don't really have many common interests with people i know. most of the people i'm friendly with already have other groups of friends they would rather hang out with
also
>ftm
>move from rural redneck town to liberal university
>perfect time to come out
>panic when meeting people and just start introducing myself to everyone with my birth name
i only pass maybe 40% of the time, don't feel like being open about being trans but still feels like i blew my chance
>>
>>6846985
>can barely hold a conversation with people, groups are a no-go
>go from saying a few things to friends to basically just listening to them/letting them do all the talking
>i get talked over anyway and generally have nothing interesting or insightful to say
>really, really hate myself for this because i can actually talk at length when people aren't around, and do monologues and enjoy reading aloud and singing
>in fact, i only don't feel kind of anxious when i'm completely alone, and i hate it
>started to have all these suicidal thoughts coming back in the past couple years now, started self-harming this year
>telling myself i deserve it
>i can't hold down a job, not really good at anything worthwhile, also a drain on my family and society at large
>to top it all off i had to be a fucking tranny too
>so, so tired of my useless, content-less never-had-an-original-thought fucked up broken brain.
>>
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I've decided to kill myself - Does anyone know what are the best pills to overdose on so it's lethal, painless and has the least chance to fail?
thank you<3
>>
The fact that terfs exist makes me really depressed.
>>
>>6852607
Oh hey its you again
I made a dating profile too though, but I got scared because even if I met up with them they would be 8/10 and me 3/10
TL;DR : I'm horrible
Damn there should be a site for khvs to meet up
>>
>>6851915
i appreciate your kind sentiments, but i have yet to see it manifest itself at all. i know it has to come from my part as well, but when you've gone your whole life unloved you just kind of get used to the feeling. i'd still like to think there is someone out there im truly compatible with
>>
>>6851992
sexual incompatibility kills relationships over time, if you guys can't even enjoy being physically intimate with each other i can't imagine that's a good sign
>>
>wanted to transition asap without parents
>become 18
>to scared and be dumb enough to wait for a year
>become 19
>start going to doctor trying to get time
>come in two months
>meeting is 3min
>come in 4 months
>another 20min meeting
>we still havent decided come in another 3 months
>time ticking
>finally got there
>but first we have to question you and all...it will take lets see, one year until you can do hrt
>20 years
>still no hrt
>illegal without going through this
every day is a wasted day, everyday is a closer day to hon
but atleast its free
>>
>>6856543
holy shit, where do you live? i guess iv'e heard of a lot of european countries really dragging the transition process, but thats just ridiculous
>>
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this is the most empty i've ever felt
i'm so depressed but i can't even cry anymore
if i could just cry, it might release some of it and make me feel better, but even if i try to lately, i can't
i've always been a crybaby my whole life (23 y/o bi tranny), but for some reason since about May, it just doesn't happen
the last few years have been the hardest of my life. i wonder if i used up all my tears
>>
>>6856543
http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/resources/hbigda01/hbigda01_7.htm
>In selected circumstances, it can be acceptable to provide hormones to patients who have not fulfilled criterion 3 – for example, to facilitate the provision of monitored therapy using hormones of known quality, as an alternative to black-market or unsupervised hormone use.
Why not try to get on the fast track by going the illicit route first?
>Persons who are receiving treatment for gender identity disorders should continue to receive appropriate treatment following these Standards of Care after incarceration. For example, those who are receiving psychotherapy and/or cross-sex hormonal treatments should be allowed to continue this medically necessary treatment to prevent or limit emotional lability, undesired regression of hormonally-induced physical effects and the sense of desperation that may lead to depression, anxiety and suicidality.
>>
>>6850635
>kayla
>starting to pass
Kek, this cheered me up a little.
>>
>>6856445
It's not good, I know. And it's not that we don't enjoy it, it's just we both wait for the other to do certain things, and the moment stagnates. Spontaneous, fun sex doesn't happen anymore. And we each read the other's signals wrong, and we want different things in the bedroom (I actually think she doesn't really know what she wants, and would only miss fucking once in a great while).
Yeah, I don't know what to do.
We have different sexual tastes, even in men. So a threesome will never happen. Not interested in merely being cucked. An open marriage is something that sounds like it would never work and I would never want to admit to most people, even if I was the only one getting laid on the side.
And I'm to embarrassed by my kinky side to ask for fantasy/rp/role reversal shit in the bedroom. I mean, she reacted so poorly to the buttplug, and I only wantes to wear it while fucking her. Makes her feel inadequate I guess. (But how do I feel when she doesn't know how to orgasm? But if I bring that up she feels shitty too, because something's wrong with her, supposedly. Meanwhile if anyone else knew they would all assume it's because I'm inadequate in the bedroom and she lies about masturbating because she's embarrassed. And none of this makes any sense to me because she came from a completely irreligious European upbringing, which means she should be sexually liberated, right?)
Again, please kill me.
>>
>>6858131
she's cuter than you'll ever be, idiot
>>
>>6858883
pics
>>
>>6851655
you really dont think someone else is gay in repression? what are the odds
>>
>>6852321
you only feel connected with her because you're not exposed to her social intricacies. Your mind is filling in where flaws are, anon.
Dont hinge everything on the internet.
>>
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I just came back from one of the best vacations of my life, visited Japan. But visited alone, just wandered around sightseeing. Felt bad and lonely too many times. Thankfully Tokyo is well prepared for hitori-sama customers so I could do most stuff alone without feeling like a weirdo.
Now I'm back to my lonely routine and I feel even worse. Work hasn't started yet, I feel anxious about getting a haircut because last time they fucked it up badly. I picked up too many uni subjects again. Some weird symptoms but I don't want to go to the doctor.
I dropped my change today at the supermarket... embarrassing. I'm really horny but I don't want to masturbate too much because I'd feel even more depressed and anxious after being totally spent.
I want to get drunk as fuck but that's even worse than masturbating.
I want a cute bf/gf.
>>
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>>6852597
>>
>>
>>6852382
>rape doesn't count
Except for the fact that you should reeeeaaally get tested for STDs after.
>>
>>6853384
Opiates and lots of xanax.
Make sure to write your mum gbye
>>
>>6846985
Why does the op pic attract me so much.
Lawd.
>>
>Just had a dream where I was in love with someone
>broke down to my knees from all my vulnerabilities as a person
>showing them my real self that I don't cover up
>they love me back, but leave me there alone
>becomes a distant voice that fades away
>crying my eyes out
Then I woke up, fuck this dream.
>>
>>6863576
I've also had a dream like this.
Hoped the dream was never over.
>>
>>6858864
>>6856445
>>6851992
>copy photos from my phone to PC to send to family back home
>leave it open
>making dinner
>"honey I'm so glad when I clicked on the photo you left open it wasn't an actual butthole but [our cat] the butthole instead"
>OMFG IS SHE REALLY BRINGING THIS IS UP AGAIN
>everything in my power not to close my eyes and grimace
>PLEASE GOD IF YOU ONLY EVER ANSWER ONE PRAYER PLEASE KILL ME NOW
>"I love you"
>leans in front of my face for a kiss
>I give her the dryest, quickest kiss
>fuck it, I kind of want her to know how uncomfortable this makes me
She knows I'm bi. I'm almost positive now. But she doesn't ask me to confront it with her, probably because she knows I don't want to. I just want to magically be out. I need to find some MDMA or Valium or something we can take together and we can unload all of this shit and be renewed as a couple.
>but you cheated on her
>with several different guys
>on several different occasions
>snd she will leave you if you spill that particular bean
>and leave you as high and dry as it gets
>but you wish you were single
>but you can't afford to start all over right now
Bring me liberty.
Bring me death.
>>
>>6863643
i hope you blink before i do
i hope i never get sober
>>
>gay
>nearly 30
>single for like 7 years
>grossed out by hookups
>job ok
>got some friends
>getting pretty /fit/, live in the gym
>cannot into dating
>accepted that I'll die alone years ago
>it's ok though, don't really feel feels anymore
>at least I don't have actual problems
>>
>ClosetedBi
>37
>No Job (current medical problems)
>No friends
>Practically a virgin
>Live with mom (long story)
>Can't find a TG woman in my area
>Looking for reason to live
>>
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>>6867513
>me in 10 years
>>
>>6867844
It sucks!!! 37 now, been single since the 8th grade. I'm so depressed, I really just want to die already. Depression is a right bitch!!!
>>
>>6867513
Why stay closeted though?
>>
>>6867859
Family. Very conservative. I'm already the black sheep of the family, I really don't need any more trouble with them. Plus with gram being sick, I don't wanna be the one that puts her in her grave earlier than she has to be.
>>
>>6867863
Ah. I'm sorry your grandmother is ill & I hope she does not suffer much. Good luck m8, hope you meet someone soon!
>>
>>6867930
Thanks! Cancer is a bitch. But I'm highly doubting I'll meet anyone.
>>
>>6868341
Who knows?
All the same, <3 to you & your kin.
>>
Well honestly I would rather be heterosexual. Throwing that out there.
>>
I'm so sick of everyone being so fucking hateful towards everything and how everyone is so overly concerned with not being taken advantage of to the point they dont trust anyone.
The city I live in and 4chan for that matter is filled with people that are just egoist that cant feel empathy for anything but themselves.
Thank you anyone that isnt a ego driven wako and you rock people that boost their ego by doing good things.
>>
>>6864574
And I hope when you think og me years down the line,
You can't find one good thing to say.
>>
Honestly, the only thing keeping me from death is weed right now. Once I run out, I'll probably do some dxm for a week and then kill myself. I had plans to do it last night, but haha I'm a pussy.
>>
My heart still flutters whenever I see my crush around even though I keep deluding myself into thinking I'm over him.
I guess the feeling will never go away. It's just going to be tucked there at the back of my mind. Hopefully I can find another guy who treats me with the same affection as he does.
>>
>>6850327
I have the same feelings just with 11 less years.
>>
>>6868354
Thanks Anon
>>
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I just feel like I don't deserve whoremoans in any way and that makes me sad, though I have a huge inferiority complex. Adding to that, I greatly envy a friend of mine who's literally a 10/10 passing femboy/mtf; Whenever I'm with them I just wish I was as pretty/sociable/cool as they are and want to kill myself because I'm a waste of space more meant for capable people.
>>
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noboy cares about me
nobody would care if i stopped existing
>>
>>6870254
Not even your parents? Or would they even cheer?
>>
>>6870275
probably cheer im not sure, they said that they wished that i never should have existed, that im useless and not good for anything and that im the reason why everything terrible happens. also my mom said that im mentally ill and should kill myself and stop existing.
the funny thing is they dont even "understand" why im mad at them. "what did we do to you?" even though i try to explain it everytime "we didnt do anything to you"
and my ex bf wanted a girl more than me, so im alone as fuck
>>
>>6870563
My parents NOT hating me while I hate myself with a passion doesn't make things easier. I tried to explain my situation to them lots of times, but of course they don't get it. They go all "what's up with you?" every now and then, I tell them, and they just have this puzzled look on their faces.
>>
>>6870638
yeah what a shame that your parents dont hate you as well :^)
>>
>>6870681
It would make things easier, for sure. Hey, I'm not trying to make you feel worse or anything, no humblebrag. Sorry.
>>
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Even if I come to terms with my sexuality sometime in the future I'll never find love because I'm a horrible, manipulative, selfish piece of shit asshole.
>>
>>6870719
No wonder you relate to Lapis.
>>
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>>6870730
She's done some fucked up shit but she's not THAT much of an asshole imo
>>
>>6867857
Okay I'm not chronically single, but I see myself deteriorating to that point in 10 years (and I'm 26)
>>
>>6848350
>>"okay, but you know it's a lot more fun to go with someone else.. why don't you call [person i haven't talked to in over a year]? or someone from school? or, maybe your dad or i could go with you..."
:'(
>>
>No job
>No money
>Dysphoria crippling
>Don't feel safe from myself while sober
>High 24/7 when I can afford to be (weed, not harder things)
>Life getting worse
>Starting HRT in a matter of weeks
>Might kill myself beforehand
>Just can't go through anything more
I try to ask for help but the words won't come out. It's taken an enormous amount of focus and effort to get it across to a couple people that things aren't OK. I don't seem to be able to get across that I don't think I can make it through another day, but then what's the point? What could anyone do to help me? Nothing.
>>
You know what pisses me off?
>be alone/friendless
>it creates a yearning for contact
>it eats away at you
>it makes you needy
>it makes you broken
>it makes you angry
>it makes you have trust issues
>it makes you bitter
>it makes you cynical
>it makes you depressed
>it makes you underconfident
>it destroys your self esteem
And all of this makes it even harder to form a connection with anyone, and since you remain lonely, it keeps getting worse and worse, like an unbreakable cycle
And I'm absolutely mad that it feels like there's no fix for it other than 'just find someone lol'
Yeah, who would want to spend months upon months of slowly breaking me out of my shell, enduring me getting depressed because he didn't answer the phone that one time or calming me down because I'm very jealous and insecure when they can just date someone normal who brings far more stability and experience than I ever could
And then you might find someone more broken or equally as broken as you, someone who might beat you up or cheat on you or treat you like crap, but you'll stay, because you feel like you have no self-worth and that nobody else will like you, and he will never make you happy and you'll have to endure it
How do you fix your head by yourself?
>>
>>6874254
I've been thinking a bullet would fix mine pretty well
>>
>>6859220
You can be aware of someone's flaws via the Internet you know.
>>
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> starting to drink daily even though i hate the idea of drinking alcohol to kill pain and wallow in self-pity instead of being strong and changing things and fighting.
i hate myself for being a weak piece of shit.
>>
>>6874254
fuck
this post is me
this is my life
I just want someone who'll hold me and make me feel safe
I can do anything if I'm doing it for someone else
but I'll never be worth anything to anyone
>>
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>>6874254
Get angry enough to say fuck it and just go out and socialize not carrying about the results
You might make friends for a while, or for life, or not at all but there is always the next time
>>
>>6874254
Just suck it up for another 5 years or so until you get bored of feeling lonely and just stop giving a fuck. Then enjoy all the spare cash you have because you had nothing in your life except your career and get yourself some sweet ass hobbies.
>>
>>6856543
Self med you idiot!!!
>>
>>6847010
How are you getting NEET bucks while living with your parents? If you aren't living with them and don't have a car, how did you try to talk to your mom? Why can't you just get on a bus?
>>
>>6870751
I agree. People who have been wronged and hurt as much as she has are always at least a little dysfunctional, and tend to lash out. She's sweet to those she feels she can trust.
>>
I feel weirdly guilty. I'm mtf and I pass really well, I'm incredibly successful career-wise, and I just got engaged to a qt3.14 but I still feel like killing myself because I feel broken at my core.
There's no fixing this. There's no cure for being trans, it's all just palliative care and I feel like I should kill myself just to get it over with because I don't know if I'll ever actually be happy.
>>
>tfw could probably pass despite being 26 now
>have letter from therapist for hrt
>don't know where to go and get so depressed thinking about the future and afraid of what will happen
>know the longer you wait the worse it will get
>struggle to lose weight and balance school makes everything worse
>>
been on hormones for about 3 months and i cant tell if i feel any better because pretty much every other aspect of my life has gotten even shittier than it was a year ago
and i dont know if i care enough to keep trying
>>
I'll live forever a closet bisexual, i know I'm attracted to women but lately I've been more interested in guys. Family is very conservative and I be disowned if I admitted it, and I'm too much of a wuss to come out. The only guys I've ever had contact with we're strangers. The only love I've ever gotten from another guy was online. I'm still okay with online, it's just now I'm alone and don't know what to do. Help me. I'm so alone.
>>
>>6878891
Do you have kik? Can I talk with you?
>>
i live in new zealand in a small town
there are a couple of people on grindr nearby but they are all 30+
i just want a bf my age to come home after work and cuddle with
im slowly accepting this will never happen
im sinking deeper into depression and drug abuse and a literally dont care as i see no point to improving myself anymore
the only reason i havnt an heroed is my mum
>>
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I'm pretty lonely and depressed.
In other words, pathetic.
>>
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I am a 32 year old unemployed obese virgin tranny.
I am a gross hon and nothing I do improves my situation because I fail at literally everything I ever attempt
>>
>be marine fag who posts on occasion
>failed an hero back in June
>pretend to be better
>go through therapy
>don't feel anything
>getting out of marine corps soon
>have to move back in with mom soon
>she's against me starting hrt so I can't or I'll be homeless
>no hope, no future, no ambitions, no goals
>just want to die every day
>had a small breakdown in front of my corporal yesterday
>corporal thinks i need to start applying for scholarships or some shit
>not smart enough for school
>hate my body so fucking much
>consider an hero every day
>>
>start clinical rotations at a hospital
>department I'm in is filled with much older (30+) people than myself (23)
>work with a really hot 35 year old woman
>she constantly calls me baby
>tells me how cute I am
>I follow her around all day like a hopeless lost puppy because, well, that's my job for now
>do everything she ask me to do, no matter how mundane
>start getting feels for her even though I know she is straight and has a bf
>tells me when I'm done with school I should work alongside with her
Fuck, guys. I don't think I'll be able to work with her. It will kill me having to see her everyday knowing that we will be nothing more than friends.
Plus:
>tfw 23 yr old kissless virgin
>>
>>6883570
What does your hairline look like from the side?
>>
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>>6884251
hontacular
>>
>>6884348
Get a job. Lose weight. Wear hair in bangs that cover forehead. You'll be fucking okay after a while.
>>
>depressed
>want to express how miserable I am
>can't find the words or the energy
I just want cancer senpai, that's all I ask.
>>
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>>6884359
my hair is too thin to wear as bangs
trying to get a job and lose weight but I am a pathetic loser who fails at everything
I went for a job interview last month, first in ages and I did everything perfect
my perfect isn't good enough
>>
>>6852293
>can't stop hating myself for being gay even though everything rational tells me it's okay
Pretty much me if you replace gay with trans.
>>
>>6884348
Looks like mine. Definitely don't wear it in a ponytail.
>>
>>6884359
Don't bother, she's a pity party.
>>
>>6884404
I just dont know how to fix my life
>>
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I've been an outsider all of my life. No one liked me, or wanted to be around me. I never fit anywhere. When I was 14 I found 4chan and that helped me feel less shitty about myself. Fucked up people with a fucked up sense of humor, comfy anonymity, a sense of belonging. But that was some 11 years ago. Now I come here and I no longer feel like I belong. I've changed, got too old, and the site changed a lot too. I have some friends now, a career, something to works towards, so I suppose that I don't need it as much as I used to. But feeling like an outsider here of all places hurts.
>>
used xanax and pain killers to help treat some very lagit issues, to help me be soscial and more active at work and at home. it worked almost too well. allways had a noticable edge over others.
to the point to where most ppl i know including my lover never got to know the real me. the often depressed,shy,reclusive, lazy real side of me.
after 7 years of using pills i run out of ppl to get pills from. im glad i stopped but what now. dont feel like trying,quit my job and moving away. in debt. but mainly im upset for feeling like id did in middle school again,worthless, unstable,confused...sad
be me 40 days sober ...why
>>
>>6874701
hey it worked for me,for those seven years i was out of my shell...i ganed some confidence after a wile...stuff should get better right...for all of us? and it could always be worse. i used to be so afraid that i wouldnt even blog truthfully like this. i will get somthing out of this. i would say if you are feeling like dying already you dont really have much to lose by using,weed,lsd,mdma,mushrooms, everything els can be very habbit forming and addiction is a fate wose than death meth was tuff to kick took years too stop....literally weed could help alot of us with our demons and depression. just be safe but again if your going to kill yourself anyway take a hit of somthing just saying
i had a death wish before i took lsd the first time relly makes you feel again love hope fun , its not for everyone but there are options dont be like me a get hooked on pills for seven years tho, althogh i was pritty happy...meh, my emotions are all over atm bleh
>>
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>>6870719
iktf
i've been manipulated several times for my friends
thanks to that i'm a apathic faggot who doesn't care for the rest of the humanity and use his best friends to do whatever I want
I fucking hate myself
>>
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>22
>alone every day, never had friends
>every interaction I've ever had feels like I fucked up
>feel like I'm going to be a virgin forever
>feel like no one understands me, and whoever gets close to me realizes how insufferable I am
>tfw my only close friends I've ever had are online
>tfw everyone who I've ever been close to in person has been a shitty, shallow person
>tfw I don't want to work, and the only thing I really like putting my mind to is reading
>tfw the singularity is over 20 years off.
>>
>>6846985
Ok it's time for me to post some sad experiences
>having internet friends because i'm fucking lonely 24/7 because all my friends left my city
>after one month of talking with internet guys noticed that one of the best friends of a girl that I used to talk is cute af
>started talking with him and watch series online via Skype
>going to visit this girl because of him
>we spent the night watching tv and cuddling each other, nothing sexual happened
>after 2 weeks of me visiting this girl and the qt of his friend she started a personal war against me for no whatever reason
>apologizing to the girl and trying to talk with his friend
>he do not want to talk with me ever again
>the girl again starts a drama against me
>entering in full rage mode sending to this girl kys everynight
>now everyone who knew online wants to kick my ass
>I will never talk or see the qt boy again
that's it, I'm going to die alone
>>
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Don't be depressed fags
You people are literally the nicest ones. I have a problem I can always trust a homosexual to listen and not judge. You guys are great, I'm not gay but your kind have been so nice to me in the past that I'm open to trying it now just so I can be with someone who is actually nice for once.
>>
>>6884912
Man, you've had quite a good experience with gay people, probably offline or something. Never go into a gay tinychat, it will ruin your perception of gay people.
>>
>>6884925
>ruin
Nah, it just shows the degenerate reality. Stop living in the lie anon, fags are the worst.
t. a fag
>>
>>6884925
Are gays shitty online? You're all great IRL.
>>
>>6884937
We're shitty in real life too. You just don't see it. Take male aggression and impulsiveness, mix it with female cattiness, two faced nature, and shallowness. Now add a healthy dose of sexual deviancy, dysfunction, and mental health issues and you get a homosexual.
>>
>>6884947
Why do you hate yourselves so? You've all been super nice everytime I've met one of you IRL
Maybe you hate yourself but I don't hate you.
>>
>>6884961
That niceness goes to the two faced nature bit. Either they're laughing and gossiping about you once you're out of the ear shot, or they just wouldn't actually care if you died tomorrow. Or maybe they are trying to fuck you. It's a mask whatever the case may be.
>>
>>6884961
The nice ones you meet are only nice because other gay people are just anti social losers who don't talk to people irl and go home and express their contempt for the world online, which explains why you never meet them in person, because they probably try to blend in with the world around you. I think there's genuinely nice gay people out there, but they're just the ones you notice.
>>6884966
Nah, I have a different theory
>>
>>6846985
Broke up with gf of 1.5 years about a year ago because i was transitioning. I was honest about being trans from the first and she was supportive and wanted the relationship anyway. But after being on hrt a while she realised she was too straight for my shenanigans.
She went to her home country for a year but visited a few times. was a bit awkward when she first visited but there weren't any hard feelings about the breakup and we realised we were still really close friends. Thought i was over her, asked if she wanted to live with my friends and I next year since she was returning and needed a place.
Fast forward to now,she's back.She's talking to people on OKcupid and starting to go on dates, seems to have a guy she likes. I realise i totally still have feelings for her, she's made it clear in the past that they are unrequited. I keep getting jealous when i see her texting people, cried myself to sleep when she was on a date. I really wish i could be happy for her, she's the best friend i've ever had and has supported me through a really shit time in my life. But now when i see her trying to find happiness with someone else, I just feel like shit. I am a terrible friend.
This is all just because she's been away a while and i've missed her, right guys? I'm definitely going to get over this soon and not just keep being a pathetic jealous idiot...
>>
>>6885015
Just wank to gay porn. Your sexuality will change. Also, you need to move away from her, you are just hurting yourself.
>>
>>6885523
thanks to my excellent life choices i'm stuck in this housing contract till next summer. I'll have project work to do at university soon so if it feels that bad here i guess i'll just spend my time in the library getting work done.
Think i'll pass on the gay porn though, quite happy being attracted to women, just need to stop wanting this particular one
>>
>>6852277
Very similar things are happening to me.
>>
>>6883552
I'm the same.
Is that you?
>>
>>6884404
Everyone here is?
>>
>>6879642
Aussie here.
>>
>>6884810
Dude, I wish I could even try weed but not knowing anybody because you're a shy recluse doesn't help me.
>>
>>6886133
It's Jack from Fight Club, anon.
>>
>depressed and lonely basically my whole life
>last three years have been really terrible
>have always been unsuccessful in my suicide attempts
>it gets especially terrible this summer
>out of the blue meet someone really cool and i start to feel less sad and lonely
>we start dating and they just straight up go awol and abandon me after a couple of days
>month later get forced into a mental hospital for thinking about sucide
>spend a week in hell
>get out and hate life even more
>buy all the shit to kill myself
>still want to but now im scared (and was never afraid to do it before)
kek
>>6847069
i actually wouldn't mind this
>>
>>6848350
>>kissless virgin tranny
iktf
i'm actually just a few years out from being a wizard.
>>
>>6868449
What do you mean, anon?
>>
>>6888309
Sorry, but thank you.
I never saw Fight Club, but now I do.
>>
>>6888424
I mean now I want to watch it.
>>
>>6888425
Want to watch it with me, anon?
>>
I wonder what it's like to cry yourself to sleep. I've got a feeling that I'll find out some time this week after coming out to my parents for the second time (after once coming out and then all of the sudden suppressing it for half a year)
>>
>24
>6'4"
>linebacker's frame
>closeted tranny
>still working towards HRT even though I'll end up a turbohon because the only other option is suicide and I've come alarmingly close to taking it
>kissless virgin of course
>in the meantime, have to choose betrween taking antidepressants that crush all emotion and make me doubt I'm trans, or not take them and be suicidal but certain I'm trans
>might have lost my job
>failed out of college twice now thanks to anxiety and shit
>family will still not shut up about how I need to go to school
The only reasons I haven't killed myself yet are that I can't do that to my parents after we've had to go through my brother's suicide, and all the guns I have have long enough barrels that I'm not confident I can get an angle that won't just maim/disfigure me
>>
>>6846985
people in this world are too fucking dumb to know that they should want a better world, a better life than this. too stupid to know the world can and should be better... all it would take is getting rid of dumb shits like them. and things don't bother them, because they're too fucking stupid to notice them. i used to listen to this show loveline on the radio long time ago... lots of people would have their fire alarms beeping... for years. that would drive me insane.
if i had a choice between being reborn on this rape world full of idiots forever or just being nothing, i'd take nothing.
>>
>>6878911
welcome to the club.
>>
>>6848204
Are you me? Only difference is straight people dont like me anymore either i dont think. I have no idea how to be gay. I just wanted another relatively masculine guy. Developed a crush on two who broke my heart. Now im sending nudes to strangers. I really regret not just getting drunk and losing my vcard to some stranger when i was 18. I didnt choose the fag life, the fag life chose me. Fucking men. Myself included...
>>
Hate being ugly, someone should just kill me, I deserve it
>>
>>6846985
>hrt at 24.8 years old
>3 weeks in and baldning hasn't slowed
> bald patch on crown
> hair line between 4 and 5 on Hamilton scale
>also been on finasteride for about 2 months
>feel head itchy and baldness progressing every day
> no point trying to transition if i will be bald
>gonna end up a discusting freak
>>
>>
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I want it to stop hurting. Everyday i feel like i'm slowly being eaten from the inside by my loneliness and sadness. I have few friends over seas that i chat with now and then through Discord but i don't think they would even notice if i stopped coming online because i was dead.
I just want someone i can call my own and who would love and care about me.
>>
Hey pic is me. I've been having a crazy urge to suck cock? I'm not attracted to any men in anyway I just have an urge to try giving a blowjob? Should I act on it or ignore it ? Thanks, also what is the best way to arrange something like that if I do choose to try it?
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>>6890381
Why do people keep posting their friends on this board? It's not as if any of the shut in, avoidant, depressed, anxiety disorder suffering autists we have here is going to contact them. And even if they do, the friend can just say "nah m8" and that would be that. It's not even a proper prank.
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>>6846985
>Not even LGBT
>Came here to troll people and sticked around because i have no one else to talk to
>Think about killing myself almost every day
>Hate myself and have given up on ever being liked by someone
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>>6890422
You're a piece of shit.
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>>6890422
> have given up on ever being liked by someone
Just find someone as ugly/mentaly ill as you are.
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>>6884380
Just gotta let go of normal ideals to save yourself in the end,.
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My friend told me that he is aromantic. I love him so much but i don't know if i should know that i know he doesn't have romantic feelings towards me.
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Thread images: 39