HRT with no plans to transition?

Did that 3 years ago. Shit I didn't know what I was doing.

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I do.
Cypro (AA), 5 mg/day (orally), for 16 months
Estradiol hemihydrate, 5 mg/day (sublingually), for 15 months.
All's been pretty good my man.

I am waiting on 1st delivery, thinking 2mg estro & 100mg spiro to start.

>>6764675
Was that pic really you?

>>6765007
yes

>>6764611
I'm not going to do srs but I am going to get my named changed and everything like ffs

>>6765040
Cute, what's your story? (Op here)

>>6764611
i started mones with full intention of socially transitioning. the further on i get, the more i'm like, i like the physical and psychological changes i've got and am getting with mones and would hate to go off them, but i still look in the mirror and see the most fucked up manly bone structure and am beginning to think mones and changing myself physically are all i need, not socially transitioning or identifying as the other gender.

>>6764611
>>6765300
sorry i didn't answer all of your questions.
i've been on mones almost 8 months now.
the last 7 of those have been monthly degarelix and weekly estradiol injections.
next week is my next monthly degarelix injection, and i'm upping my stack.
i'm convinced i haven't seen the same bodyfat redistribution with degarelix as people see with (mildly progestogenic) spiro and cypro, in spite of my T and E sitting in really ideal ranges in blood tests.
i want to add progesterone to my stack and cycle it 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, but before i start it i'm going to take both bicalutamide and raloxifene, daily pills, for a month. first.
the bicalutamide because i want to see what it can do for thinning body hair, and i also want it to block my androgen receptors so there's not synergy between the progesterone and adrenal androgens.
the raloxifene, because i have resolved not to socially transition, and because breast cancer runs on both sides of my family, so it will prevent the synergy between progesterone and estrogen in breast tissue only, while hopefully synergising with both of them when it comes to other bodyfat redist.

>>6765300
Same, i started with the intention of full transition, then over time chickened out, now i dont want to go off them but will probably never go further. Dont really know what the fuck im doing to be honest or what my future will be now.

>>6764675
Missed the pic.
Did it effect in ways you didnt want? Did you plan to become female? Did you eventually? What was the mental effects like?

>>6764685
>>6765300
>>6765554
What are the mental effects list?

>>6765902
it's hard to describe now, especially now i've basically got used to having castrate levels of T in me, but at the time it really kicked in i really noticed it and i described it as,
there was this underlying baseline tension, something that in a way made me feel like i was going to go crazy with frustration and snap, it was... i don't know how to put it, it felt sharp, and i still have a lot of problems with depression and despondency now, but that tension very quickly melted away once i started nuking my T.
it felt like i could take a breath and take a step back and think more clearly, and be more emotionally in tune with myself.
i think alexithymia was a big part of repression, and it's like i reached this realisation that if i'm going to pull myself out of the rut i have been in and get better, if i want to tackle my depression and all of my other mental shit, i have to really pay attention to how i feel and then let that gut feeling guide me, instead of going down a path of self destruction with a do or die attitude to being who i thought people thought i should be.
and that's not something i had with T in my system unless i was on a cocktail of mind-altering psychiatric meds with really bad mental side effects that anti-androgens don't have.

does any of that make sense?

>>6766024
I think you said you were more intune with your emotions. Im still processing the rest.
Right now it feels like I dont have any emotions most of the time. I just exist. Ive always thought I should be feeling more than I do. Is this how you felt?

>>6766043
This is how I felt pre-hrt. I wouldn't say I'm more in-tune with my emotions now. It's more like they feel dynamic, and I'm more comfortable with this than having them suppressed by T.
Does that make sense?

>>6766043
>Right now it feels like I dont have any emotions most of the time. I just exist. Ive always thought I should be feeling more than I do. Is this how you felt?
i definitely felt like i was cutting myself off, or being cut off, from a lot of the human emotional palette before hrt.
i was also scared i think, of sticking my neck out of my comfort zone in actually aspiring to be happy, lest it come back to hit me and make me feel even worse, heartbreak and all of that kind of shit.
and hormones won't magically switch that, they didn't make my fears about getting emotionally hurt dissipate, hormones will never do that, but in making me more in touch with my feelings i guess it has made me realise i need to risk hurt more, to give myself the chance of actually feeling happier too.

>>6766043
So I'm just recently on HRT. I think I actually am trans, but I'm not planning to transition at least for a while.

That said, HRT has given me mental effects that I've mostly been really enjoying. The thing about being trans is, well, I don't know if those changes are a result of my hormone levels or if they're due to reduced anxiety surrounding further masculinization.

So to put it kind of briefly though, it feels like the "voice" that was always in my head, thinking about how to do, what to do, what to say, etc, is no longer there or is way more quiet. Basically I feel way more in the moment and less like I'm acting. Instead of thinking (CONSTANTLY) "what should I say??" I just say it. The outcome of this thought process probably isn't much different, because I have for some time been pretty socially-capable. I think I act similarly now. But I feel way less inhibited, and that part is awesome. Also I've been sleeping a lot better.

>>6766092
>The thing about being trans is, well, I don't know if those changes are a result of my hormone levels or if they're due to reduced anxiety surrounding further masculinization.

oh for me it's definitely both.
the psychological effects plateaud in their noticeablility early on and now it's much more about knowing even if i don't socially transition now, i am not ruining my chances of social transition later.

>So to put it kind of briefly though, it feels like the "voice" that was always in my head, thinking about how to do, what to do, what to say, etc, is no longer there or is way more quiet. Basically I feel way more in the moment and less like I'm acting.

oh god, i couldn't have put it better myself. with all my textwalling above, i didn't put it that well.

>>6764611
almost 4 years, also, go to femgen

>>6764611
3 days on spiro (50mg/day).

I was planning to tell my mom so I told her that something was wrong and I'm seeing doctor, now she thinks I've cancer or something and I now think I'll never be able to tell her or anyone.

Not sure how long I can keep it a secret. At some point people will surely realize, even if I hide my boobs. Maybe I'll be on full denial and blame it on the soy I eat.

>>6766145
are you having any problems staying in the closet? do people stare at you or anything? how do you hide your breasts?
i'll probably have to do this too since i will never pass

>>6766059
Yea thanks
>>6766090
>>6766092
Thanks

>>6766156
not them but im mtf and was doing boymode for a year or two into mones. The stares were terrible and people looked at me like I was a freak. I thought that I would never be pretty because of it, but it turns out that when I started dressing not like a boy and more like a girl that the stares went away and a lot of people find me attractive somehow

>>6766582
it also didnt help that I had crippling anxiety and was a zombie of a person because of depression. So i was probably appearing like a weirdo too

>>6766092
I have a constant moderator in my head constantly assessing and attempting to completely define what I am feeling. Even when I think I like something or am enjoying myself I often think "this is great" so much that it gets kind of ruined and pushed down into the middle with everything else.

tldr I'm overanalytical
Could this help

>>6766628
>I have a constant moderator in my head
Thats kinda how I am. It severely affects my ability to socialize or be in public places because every movement I make is analyzed, same for everything I say.

Started taking 'em in late March. Feels good taking them but otherwise just living as a kinda feminine dude.

>>6766628
>>6767354
Well, I'm the one you replied to, and that part of telling myself how I feel is very much a part of that voice too. Basically like living in 3rd person.

I dunno if you're trans or not, and so of course your mileage might vary, but it worked pretty well for me. I don't even know if I'm much more happy, but I'm more there.

I'm too autistic to have social dysphoria but I like the physical and mental effects of hormones. I am a bit worried about ending up looking like a weird androgyne though, think I'll just tell people I have a hormonal disorder or something

>>6775551
I just tell people I have a "thyroid condition" and people buy it. lol.