How/When did you realized ?

I was around 5 or 6 when I started having crushes on girls. Repressed it because everyone around me told me it was either wrong or a phase. Had a breakdown about 2 years ago and finally realized I would never be sexually attracted to men. I feel so much happier.

>>6732446
I used to fantasize about girls when I was younger. Even dated a couple. But in my senior year at high school I started working with a guy who was on the football team. I fell head over heels for him.

Get drunk, play gay chicken, turn some girls at a party on. He wasn't serious about it so I did my best to hide my attraction to him.

He's married to a woman now, but he changed my life.

>>6732500

>play gay chicken

How far did that go? Who usually backed out?

File: totsuka-saika.jpg (103KB, 334x450px) Image search: [Google]

103KB, 334x450px

>>6732446
>a couple years ago
>in chat with a bunch of friends
>always been smaller then them and kind of shy
>they call me cute
>two friends joke around by acting gay towards me
>realize I kind of like it
>try to experiment
>watch yaoi, play with my butt, think about penis, imagine some of my fav male celebrities naked
>realize I like it too
>also realize that although I am attracted to the female form whenever I looked at porn I imagine myself from the girl's perspective

that's how I figured out I was bisexual with a preference for men

>>6732446
Cliche I know, but I kinda found out who I was when I realized I didn't feel or think the same as the other guys when I was a kid.
>12/13 year old me.
>Middle school, wrapping up swim class for the day.
>Showering off and getting dressed.
>Had been thinking about it a lot at the time, so I decided to ask a friend if he ever wondered what it'd be like to a be a girl instead. If he'd take the opportunity to experience it, if given the chance, to find out if it were better or not.
>He looks at me as if I'm an idiot and asks if I was gay.
>Say no and that I was just wondering cause sometimes I'd like to be able to experience what it'd be like as a girl... wanted to know if I was alone in it or not.
>He turns to the rest of the guys and tells them what I had just said, asking if they had any opinion.
>They all just sorta gave me the same bemused look he did and a couple of them asked me if I was gay.

Didn't really bother saying anything to anyone else after that since I just figured I was an odd duck (especially since I started getting shit because people thought I was gay for saying it and I kinda wanted them to forget)... didn't really figure out it meant I was trans until a year later or so when I stumbled on some information on /b/. Then didn't bother to accept it for a number more years and the only reason I did was because I figured if I really wasn't I wouldn't have been so obsessed with it for so long.

>20
>have hated seeing pictures of myself for as long as I can remember (feeling like I'm looking at a stranger mostly)
>envious of women, wish I could have been one, play girls in games for purposes other than sexual, etc, etc
>finally come to this board in hopes of finding a good g/l movie to watch
>end up in a trans thread for the next several hours
>still not sure
>several quickly passing urges towards suicide, lots of obsession over tranny threads on 4chan, a good amount of sadness, and a year later I finally accept that it's not an "I might be" but an "I am"
Thanks 4chan. I'd probably still be a clueless retard if it hadn't been for you faggots

>>6732446
I was reading a TG manga in my early twenties and I was literally getting frustrated at the main character and actually listened to myself vocally express expressing a lot of body envy at points. And now a lot of things make sense...

>>6732460
Are you a boy or a girl?

>>6733880
Cis lesbian female

>slowly realize I have crushes on girl singers when my friends are crushing on boy bands
>hear them talking about nuns at school being lezzies and dykes
>keep my mouth shut
>masturbate to thoughts of being with female TV stars

>>6732446
>Starting from early teens, only ever saw myself in the future as a woman, but didn't connect that to the present because I'm totally a guy.
>Spend late teens to mid-twenties repressing that shit, coming up with all sorts of excuses.
>At 27 I start to finally let myself entertain the possibility of being a tranny
>At 29 I decided "Fuck this, I'm getting an answer one way or the other" and sees therapist that knows this shit.
>Therapist goes "LOL, you're a tranny, you dumbass. You fit like four of the five criteria when you only need two." after three sessions.
>Suck it up and start transitioning once feasible to do so a year later.

Well, I did finally get my answer at least.

>>6732446
>was in 3rd grade
>mom had just died
>family was staying at my house for funeral
>including older criminal cousin
>late in the night im getting changed in my room
>i had just put my shirt on when someone, im assuming him, pulled the shirt back over my head
>proceeded to rape the shit out of me for the next 20 minutes
>havent liked girls since

File: heh-2.png (508KB, 633x742px) Image search: [Google]

508KB, 633x742px

>>6733880
Didn't you used 4chan Professor.

>be 7
>in clever maths group
>like 5 people
>girl struggling with question asked to her
>i say answer
>"haha anon, that's not your name, you're not a grill"
>feel shit rest of week
>5 years later
>oshitthatwasdysphoria.jpg
>still in closet
>will still transition young enough not to be hon

File: 1469108427164.gif (2MB, 441x496px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 441x496px

>be 12 or 13
>a girl on my class has a crush on me
>gets really flirty
>have this mixture of being proud that I attracted this female being and creeped out since I had no interest in her
>instead start developing feelings for a cute boy on my class
>the boy tells me he likes the girl who likes me
>decide not to be gay so try to be bi and try to get interested in this girl's friend
>doesn't work out
>realize you only like other guys
Took me about 8 years to make peace with myself

File: 1468466943647.gif (164KB, 494x332px) Image search: [Google]

164KB, 494x332px

>>6732446
>Around 5
>Got under a blanket naked with my friend
>Asked him to touch my penis
>Says no
>Asked to touch his
>No
>Feels Bad Man

>>6734635
>Be 8 or 9
>Our class goes to a nearby park because we all pasted a test
>Me and this girl decide to go behind a tree
>I pull out my penis and she rubs it up and down. Feels pretty good
>Before I could see her some teachers were coming our way to throw away some trash.

I felt bad about it for the rest of the year for some reason

>be 14 in high school
>tranny joins our school
>does a presentation in assembly to explain the concept
>immediately a thought enters my head like a wet fart through hemp pyjamas: "oh fucking brilliant, this is literally me. this is going to dominate the next ten years or more of my life and fuck me right up, isn't it?"
>living with abusive father who opens all my post and also we're all dirt poor so couldn't self-med
>proceed to go through the rest of male puberty freaking out internally like I'm in Cronenberg's "The Fly" and wind up a total hon at 21

>>6734667
>Be In 5th grade
>Only had 2 friends but 1 was cute
>Repressed it all that year.
>He moves and I stay friends with the other friend.
>In 6th grade
>We got a new friend and he bullies me but I can't do anything about it because I didn't have that many friends.
>I had a lot of new emotions, maybe likes boys, religion, and on top of that being bullied.
>My self esteem goes down and I become self-conscious.
>Bully moves to a town over
>2nd semester of 7th grade he comes back.
>He is different but is nice
>We become best friends and telling each other really personal secrets
>He would come over to me house and spend the night often.
>So often we would sometimes masturbate in my room together watching porn.Sometimes shemale porn
>But never got passed that.
>I would look over at him sometimes and watch him.
>That happens a few times
>Next year I start hanging out with a new group
>We kinda become distant
>He hangs out with me and my new friends sometimes but only when I'm there with him. Smoking weed was a new thing with my new group and he joins in.
>Finally get caught and he stops. I keep doing it and sometimes drink and smoke cigs.
>We finally never talk anymore anymore and I only hang out with my new group.
I forgot to mention but we all played football in 7th and 8th grade and he was a lot bigger and stronger than me.
>Be in 9th grade
>I stop playing football and he continues.
>I try and make a effort and start hang out with him again. But I can feel he don't want to hang out.
>So I stop trying and after a while he starts talking to me again.
>We finally become friends again and I start realizing I kinda like him.
>Sometimes fantasize about him when masturbating. But also girls to.
>Realize I like guys and girls.

I don't know why I typed this out.

>>6734667
Passed*
Im high af right now sorry

File: trapbuttmaybe.jpg (295KB, 1280x960px) Image search: [Google]

295KB, 1280x960px

SO would you fuck that ass?

>>6735365
>le redit xD

>>6735428
pretty sure it says "extra credit"

>>6732460
Fuck off lesbians don't exist, just stop browsing tumblr.

>>6732446
I'm gonna sound like a giant geek but it was mass effect that made me realize I was bi. I think I was about 16 when I started the game I didn't even know bisexuality was a thing until I saw it in ME3 and idk it just kinda clicked. I was like wait I've been telling myself for years I'm not gay because I still like girls but I never realized it was a thing to be able to like both.

>>6733008
Story of my fucking life.

>>6732446
>be third grade, age 9
>heritage festival assembly
>all the kids that are going to present sitting on the steps next to the stage
>one girl in a splendid-looking dress sitting apart from the other groups of kids
>one or two groups get called up to do their dances or w/e, not giving a fuck because im just zoned out thinking about vidya and shit
>suddenly "And here we have (name of girl) who's doing a Persian dance"
>the lone grill w dress gets up and starts dancing
>aww fuck she looks so pretty
>dance ends w thunderous applause
>start fantasizing about her
>fuck why can't I be like her too
>proceed to spend the next year or so walking around for hours fantasizing about me doing something similar
And that is how I first got on Mr AGP's wild ride.
Actually I had a mini-crush on a different girl in 2nd grade too, but I'm not sure if that extended to actually wanting to be her.

>Literally only watch lesbian porn
>Actively avoid anything with dicks
>4chan
>Dickseverywhere.cock
>This isn't so bad
>Start noticing guys

I'm bi, still mostly like pussy though.

>occasionally have really really minor crushes on guys growing up
>too dense to realize it
>think I'm just asexual, still like to fap to women/traps
>eventually develop a major crush on a guy at the ripe old age of 21, get really confused
>not in denial that I like guys (pretty hard to deny your attraction to someone when you're sitting in bed fantasizing about him for a week straight)
>just want to know whether I'm bi or straight-up gay

And months later, here I am. I've fallen for guys since and discovered I love cocks, but I still mostly get off to girls. I'm still not sure if I want to experiment and hide it until I know my preferences outright or just be honest with people. What if I get a bf and then have to explain shit to people? What if I try to hide it at first and it causes a strain on our relationship? These are all stupid questions but I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I have some close online friends who sort of know but they'd be awkward about it. (My first crush was someone I publicly respected, then I met him and it was pretty obvious to everyone in that online friend group what I was feeling. I haven't come out and talked about my orientation but I didn't hide that I want to suck his dick real bad. They've thought I was gay for ages, or at least some of them have. But it's complicated.)

I do want to join a discord group but I don't want my name to be associated with anything yet.

Since I know someone is going to ask, I'm kind of cute but not super hot. I started working out recently but I'm skinnyfat. Need to work on my tummy and bulk up my arms/legs so I'm not a slenderman impersonator.

>>6741508
Jesus, are you me?

>>6741554
No, but knowing you exist makes me happy.

>used to watch my friend's skirts flip up while skipping
>didn't think much of it
>be 13 in science class
>thinking about that pansexual stuff i read on the internet
>ohh
>continue on with science lesson because i'm a literal autist and was really interested in particle physics at the time

i still cannot believe how casual that realization was, there was no shock involved at all. i can barely even call it a realization, it was similar to trying to remember what you were thinking about before you got distracted but you remember almost immediately
it helped that no one really asked if i was straight or not, so i didn't have to give an answer
nowadays i don't call myself pansexual, on the off chance that anyone asks i'll say i'm aro or just make a weird noise. saying i'm 2d only works pretty well too

>be around 5
>fantazise about being a woman all the time
>be around 10
>it's sexual education video day
>they show the changes males go through
>felt disgusted by it
>feel envious of girl's changes
>dysphoria intensifies
>have an awful and uneventful puberty because i expend most of my time repressing hard
>realize Im trans at the age of 19
And here I am, 25 and still haven't started hrt. I think I will off myself soon.

>>6743258
Why didn't you start?

>>6743258
Same but 24 and starting soon. It's never too l8 to become a cute anime girl, anon kun :3

>>6732446
wait what
is that a girl or a guy in the picture

>>6749287
trans girl

>>6732806
God yes I love being called cute by my friends, it's a nice feeling. I'm a tranny tho, so you know. I also have a boyfriend now so I'm not as needy for attention as I was before.

in possessino of benis when born, currently 23

>tfw the evidence has been there ever since I was like 4yo
>every occurrence, like preferring girl clothes, girlier preferences on most interests, etc, just discarded as isolated and minor occurrence, and usually struck down immediately by parents
>have always been utterly disgusted by the idea of being a guy, but eh, its what we have, no?
>girls i have been with i come to realization i only feel attracted to because i project myself onto them
>super repress this, and not suffer, but enter a state of really not caring if I stop breathing, life devoid of all value, even tho im not necessarily depressed externally
>fastforward to about a year back, after tons of back and forth with myself, i finally realize it's always been there, and tonloads of tiny "isolated" occurences now make sense

>been on herbal stuff with the main objective to kill off my T, for about 9 months now.
>overall better health, beard slowed down from 2 days to a full week to require shave
>accidentally caused my chest to start getting really puffy, along with nips and areolae

welp, wanted to kill off T only for now, but i guess if my chest comes along for the ride too, i aint complainin. might be tricky to hide from parents tho, but i dont see them thaaat often since im in college so not much of problem

>>6749603
Eh
I'm still desperate for validation

>get real drunk one night
>some tumblr collection of images of some male model in a pool
>think "fuck that's hot" and reblog with comment to that effect
>forget until looking back through chat logs the next morning and friends are like "yeah that boy will hold a boy's hand"
>"remember that time he spent ten minutes at a bar babysitting a backpack for a guy who in his words was an 'attractive drifter'"
>I remember a months long crush including daily greeting bear hugs to a boy in middle school
>I realize I've basically never been physically aroused by women in porn or life or in imagined sexual encounters
>realize never wanted to kiss a girl or touch them, just look and talk
>think about it and consider kissing/cuddling with a guy
>boner city on demand
>still love looking at boobs and women but that's still all in want to do
>trying to work up courage to find a date with a guy

I still don't know. Does /lgbt/ help or I'm a faggot and I should figure it out myself?

>>6752461
Of course the final call is up to you.
But yeah, lurking and posting here might help you come to some realizations.

File: 1217827421677.jpg (9KB, 207x300px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 207x300px

>always hated being a grill, chalked it up to autism
>always played females in video games because they looked like me, but was disappointed that mostly they couldn't dress more masculinely
>was scared to play as male because i was a grill derp herp, right?
>never got much "female socialization" but normie boys wouldn't let me be one of them because i was a socially retarded sperg and not a tomboy
>in 4th grade sex ed, started laughing hysterically at female sex organs because it was ridiculous to think i had those and would develop into a ~woman~
>ranted to my parents for years about how i wished everyone would just be brains in flying jars
>puberty.xcf
>get scoliosis, never realize the reason i actually liked wearing a plastic brace on my torso was that it hid my developing body
>stop wearing brace
>oh fug XD i want to cut off my boobs X---D
>parents ignore it because two of my other female cousins are also masculine autists
>"anon is just sad because her boops are asymmetrical kek"
>one day, i start attempting to work out my skinny kike arms, asking my parents if my voice is too high, and drinking pomegranate juice and eating broccoli because i read it increases le testosterone
>"anon, do you want to transition into a man? lel you're our daughter"
>"n-no mom i'm just a lesbian haha"
>a few months later, go to summer camp
>muh dorm dysphoria, muh dysphoria at weekend dances, muh euphoria when passing as 13 year old boy
>mom spazzes out when i pass as boy on first day of camp
>come home from camp in deep depression
>eventually talk to mom about it
>dad is in deep denial because he doesn't even want to admit i have ocd and le autism meme
>mom is okay until she reads TERF blogs which i have to argue against
>"anon, you'll always be my daughter! <3"

>>6752461
the latter

>>6752461
A little bit. Just pay attention to times when you read stories and think "shit, that's me"

>>6752586
i want to eat your ass more than i want the universe to have a final teleological purpose

File: 684fe1b1e1f668cdbb451fc68bcd58b5.png (100KB, 209x184px) Image search: [Google]

100KB, 209x184px

>>6752586
Epic maymay-talk aside, you have actually got a point about wishing for everyone to be brains in flying jars.

File: 1459423659411.png (76KB, 441x411px) Image search: [Google]

76KB, 441x411px

>>6734394
So you liked it?

File: travis-fimmel-calvin-klein-photos-calvin-klein-482359bb2d4960a5e1b21d73e376b254-large-1240871.jpg (259KB, 920x1073px) Image search: [Google]

259KB, 920x1073px

I was 11 years old - December 2003. My parents had just given me my first handy down computer as a early Christmas gift, with a internet connection. I was a little chubby at the time and so I wanted to get /fit/, so I decided to look up exercise tips and what not. As I was going through the web I stumbled upon this picture and eminently my cock got hard. My heart started racing - I was like I want to look like him. Even before then I was very envious of muscular guys, even when I was younger like in 3rd grade. I always got nervous/envious/intrigued when I saw Goku shirtless on DBZ or when a bowflex commercial played on tv. But it was at that moment it clicked in my brain that I was gay.

>>6753255
Weird. Sort of the same thing here. A girl at my school had that pic posted in her locker.

I remember thinking, "I want to be that swole one day." lol

File: hqdefault.jpg (15KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 480x360px

>fifth grade
>hear about porn on an HBO show i shouldnt have been watching
>find my way on to the family computer after hours
>watch porn
>whoa.jpg
>do this for a while
>few weeks pass
>fifth grade mind thinks "lol the gays suck right? wouldnt it be funny if i looked that shit up??"
>do it
>some leather daddy thing
>get into it
>like
>really into it
>mfw
>now keep in mind im in the fifth grade and dont understand the concept of masturbating so im just watching this porno fully clothed engaged in it
>actually start doing this for a while
>realize what masturbating is
>holymoly.png

And that kids is how i found gay porn ironically and found out it was hot

>>6751939
Cute

>>6732446
I accepted that I was bi when I was 20. I'm surprised it took me that long. I remember when I used to high Victoria's secret magezines under my bed.

>>6752477
>>6752822
>>6753100

Honestly none of what I've read so far adds up or makes me sing "Hallelujah, this is me!" but I have a compulsion to still keep reading and remain paranoid. I'm now trying to cut down my really agressive porn addiction and managing my OCD, see it that brings about any change.

The thing I'm most scared of is rewriting my own history. If the "i was born this way" meme is true then I really wasn't, I may not be the most stable or manly guy in the whole world, but when my mind was in auto pilot, not fearing anything or paranoid, my attractions were pretty clear. But since now I'm questioning everything I'm afraid of almost discrediting myself, you know? Since I'm so afraid of everything I keep trying to associate to things that don't really fit my narrative and it's messing with my head a lot.

I used to feel repulsed by the mere thought of kissing a man, or a man's saliva. Now with all the mental testing and persistence I don't feel anything. I have felt, more than once actually, on top of the world and envigorated by the mere thought that a woman liked me and wanted to spend time with me. Now I have panic attacks and thing I might be gay and it feels like maybe I've been deceiving myself all along and this might be it. At best I'm bi. But I don't really feel like I am. It's been a fun couple of last months, as you can see.

Welp, I'm read a shit ton of "coming out" stories here, guess this was my turn. Thanks for reading my journal, /lgbt/

I don't remember how I learned I was ace. I was twelve or thirteen and discovered AVEN. I'm twenty now and I still consider myself asexual.

My gender? Around the same age, the internet taught me about trans people. I didn't feel dysphoria prior to puberty but after puberty fit I always had this awkward feeling. It wasn't a "I'm not a girl" feeling but a just a dysphoric feeling. I hated bras, hated bikinis, hated the idea of shaven legs, hated hanging out with gitls, hated my chest, hated my height... I didn't connect it with feeling trans until I learned about trans stuff online.

>spent all of my freshman and sophomore year thinking I was straight
>at lunch got into a discussion about that angle in porn where all you can see is the guys balls and ass
>say I don't think it's too bad
>none of my friends understand
>confused af
>look up gay porn
>a little weird at first but just because it was way more sensual than a lot of straight porn
>and dicks look smaller in proportion to guys mouths
>got into it
>jacked it
>okay I guess I'm gay
>wait
>I still watch straight porn too
>wtf
>watch bisexual 3 way porn
>thesearemypeople.jpg

>>6756489
It sounds like you're a tad repressed.

>>6756648
Really? How/in what sense?

>>6756489
I went through something kind of similar a while back desu. I somehow got it into my head that I might be trans, I obsessed over it, I'd look at people on the street and ask which I wanted to be. I gave myself tests constantly, worried about it every minute of the day. Got to a point where I stopped eating from the anxiety and got pretty close to suicide. kept an enormous diary where I went back over every single memory from my life examining them through a "possibly trans" lense.

Then I eventually realized "wait. I think this might be ocd. I'm not fucking trans at all, goddamn." And a bunch of other stereotypical ocd symptoms I had came to mind. And all the anxiety and questioning and testing evaporated basically overnight. I got myself on prozac and never looked back.

Later I realized I also had some latent orientation issues but that's a whole different ball of wax.

>>6756720

Well, at least someone gets me, and I know I have all the symptoms ( hocd and all ). I honestly feel like my mind's plastic at this point, if I push it enough I'll mold it into something else. Then there's replies like this guy >>6756648 who probably doesn't mean anything bad by it and he's just pushing his own agenda, but now I'm right here defeated just thinking "where the hell have I been repressed? what have I been missing that is so apparent to random anons on a chink website?". I feel physically drained of energy and apathetic.

I tried medication and it helped with the short term panic attacks but I dropped it during these holidays, because I felt its effect getting weaker and I want to get throught this by myself.

Honestly not even sure what do to right now. Maybe I was gay all along. Maybe I'm bi. Clearly spending all my teenage years fapping to women means nothing whatso fucking ever.

>>6756786
So, it's a complicated, contentious issue, because saying someone just has HOCD/TOCD (personally I fucking HATE those terms, it's not some super special variant of OCD it's just regular OCD with a shifted obsessive target) is an incredibly easy way to invalidate real feelings someone is having. However, if you have always shown other classic OCD symptoms and this is a new obsession, then the prior probability of your current concerns being caused by the OCD starts to go up a lot.

Nobody but you can actually determine whether your feelings are real or the result of an irrational obsession, but a therapist experienced in dealing with both sexuality and OCD issues would be able to help you sort through everything. Also, GET BACK ON YOUR MEDS GODDAMN. It sounds like you might not have been on the right meds/dosage if it was only helping with the panic attacks. No meds are going to absolutely cure OCD or the OCD-driven obsessions, at least not without nuking your personality into oblivion, but they make it a hell of a lot easier to tamp down obsessions on your own. Think of it as, where before you were trying to knock down an obsession nail with a child's plastic toy hammer, now you have a legit roofing hammer.

Personal opinion time: Sexuality can be fluid, yes, but those shifts take time. If this is a very recent concern for you, I doubt it's shifting or newly uncovered latent sexuality. It's certainly possible, but it's unlikely imo.

>>6756813
>>6756813
Oh yeah completely agree, I just used "hocd" in order to get my point across, not to parade it like I'm a special snowflake. Ocd takes a hold of things you fear or don't want and it drives them up to 11, the sexual variants are pretty common. I've even freaked out that I was attracted to a kid.

But with this it suddenly became "a thing" last year around December; my relationship was long distance and that was utter shit, I had, out of nowhere found a guy attractive for the first time and I smoked a shitload of weed one day and then the paranoia sunk in. My honest opinion is that I'm at best bicurious/biwhatever since even in my most chaotic episodes and before the ocd and the gargantuan and constant porn use, I can't deny myself the love I've felt before for women. And the best advice I heard regarding this was that "your heart determines your sexual orientation, not your dick" - I know it's lame as hell but it helped me.

I woudln't say I'm having real feelings towards men, because they don't feel the same as in the past. In the past I wasn't even able to see guys as something sexual. Ever since last year that changed, I am constantly testing myself mentally and pushing to see if I feel anything and became a sort of daily struggle, because I can never feel like anything "fits" me. The ( rare ) attractions that I felt towards my gender were almost irrelevant before my fear settled in, so although I've felt that fear for a while ( I was really bullied at school and awkward as fuck ), it really didn't become a full blown, life-gripping concern of mine until very recently. Does it invalidate a 'life time' of feeling a certain way?

And yeah I've been in theraphy for a while, but the meds were a recent thing. I should get back to them later this month.

>>6756939
I think what it really comes down to is, basically nobody on Earth is a straight-up 0/7 on Kinsey. There are people who are so damn close it's nearly indistinguishable, and there are people who are close enough to 0/7 that they go their whole lives without knowing the difference until a single instance of attraction to the less preferred sex pops up.

I don't want to define your personality and orientation for you but to be completely honest I'd describe you as the latter. It sounds like you were pegged hard against hetero almost all the time and then once in a while the needle quivered off the peg. Are you bi? Maybe in the strictest technical sense, that you at one time in your whole life felt attraction to the same sex, but by that definition basically everyone on earth is bi.

And what might help you is to think of your orientation not as a one-word label that prescribes your attractions, but as a growing list. Your orientation would be the sum of all your preferences and experiences:
>the love I've felt before for women
>In the past I wasn't even able to see guys as something sexual
>[I] found a guy attractive for the first time
>[spent] all my teenage years fapping to women
>my attractions were pretty clear
>I used to feel repulsed by the mere thought of kissing a man
>[I felt] envigorated by the mere thought that a woman liked me and wanted to spend time with me

>Does it invalidate a 'life time' of feeling a certain way?
Don't think of it as invalidation, but throwing one more experience on the list. Keep the whole list in mind, and act accordingly to the whole list. You've described an overwhelming preference for women, with a transient attraction to men. That's you. You don't have to throw out all those prior experiences because you did something unexpected one way.

Preferring women most of your life doesn't mean that if you find a man attractive that feeling isn't real, and finding a man attractive doesn't mean your prior experiences were lies.

>>6757213
Well i dont have much to add to that anon, but for what is worth, i liked reading what you wrote and it "fit". My orientation is the sum of my experiences, that feels nice to hear and it doesnt make me feel restricted. Tomorrow my anxieties will return and i will obcess over some variation of this because its like fighting a hydra that grows a new head everyday, but the relief i felt now was genuine. Thanks anon, for what its worth

>>6757301
If it helped even a little bit, that's all I wanted to do. I think I know where you're at right now and it really sucks, but if what I think is up with you is true, you definitely can get through it.

>>6732500 #

File: 1466023992895.jpg (305KB, 621x879px) Image search: [Google]

305KB, 621x879px

>>6732446
I think it was when I was getting changed after P.E, in high school and I saw all the other boys and their big, sweaty.. You get the idea. I had the largest boner I think i've ever had. Just sorta clicked, you know? We all called each other faggots, gay... Just like kids do. Because kids are mean to each other. Friends are dicks to each other. Funny that, eh? And I was only thirteen.

>>6760194
I know what you mean...

>>6760330
> Locker-room fantasies ever since.
Which is why I like swimming so much.

File: 41aa6b8e9f2b044b8c2091b89.jpg (62KB, 800x616px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 800x616px

Posted this a while ago, my weaboo internet romance (Not trans BTW).

The first time I realized I really wasn't straight almost played out like some kind of anime. It all happened over the course of one summer:

>Be straight (Besides some experimentation when I was 12ish)
>Had a weeb friend online who had claimed to be an asian girl for years, had a slight crush on 'her'
>One day he tells me he's an asian guy, we laugh it off and continue being friends and playing Battlefield 2/GTA Online
>He keeps making jokes about traps and meido crossdressing, we watch a lot of anime together, play VNs and talk about figures long into the night
>Always jokes about me being tsundere, getting me drunk and forcing me to crossdress, to which I embarassedly deny and say I'd never do that
>He gets invited to join a clan in BF2, but not me because I suck
>Feel left out and stop playing, go back to watching anime instead
>He copies and pastes all his funny clan chat convos into MSN, now I feel really sad
>Begin to hint that I'd be into crossdressing for him, try and pull him away from the game by buying a maid dress and claiming I'd wear it and take pics if he beat me at BF2
>He takes the bait and starts talking to me again, but I put it off whenever he brings it up because I don't want the moment to end
>It's a humid, grey day in the middle of summer and I'm sat in my room listening to Perfume and watching anime online with him fully trapped in meido cosplay with my heart in a knot
>This is not a drill, I've developed feelings for him
>Sometime later, he talks about how he really likes this girl in his class and they have an ecchi comedy anime type relationship.
>He's straight, he was straight the whole time and thought it was all one big joke.

I remember that day I was left in the hot summer rain broken and destroyed. Sexuality bent out of shape, heart torn to pieces; crossplayed as Izumi from He Is My Master realizing I was happier being the little girl. Trap end is always bad end.

>>6760486

Listen to these while you read for extra atmosphere:

https://rainymood.com/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stXWd3aWCMg

>>6760379
Ever fucked in a locker room?

>>6760486

Know dat feel all too well. Near identical relationship with best friend.

I have many friends, but when we get too close I tend more often than not to become infatuated with them. I dont really ever make a move since, to my knowledge, they are straight. I do get jealous when they get in relationships with girls tho, but I just have to suck it up.

Recently one of my other friends called me cute and told me that i'd make a good trap. I got so flustered; rly one of the best things someone could have told me ever.

I've always known on some level. When I was in third grade the teacher called my mom because I said I was going to grow up to marry a girl. I got in trouble when i got home.
The first time I really experienced romantic attraction though i was in 6th grade and i would always bicker with the girl next to me in home room and then i realized i had a crush on her. And then i acted like i hated her because i didn't want to get in trouble again.

>>6732446
>friend makes joke about brojobs
>pop a boner
>start watching gay porn

>>6761261

I don't want to turn this into blogshit, but it's been years and it still hurts and sometimes it comes back stronger than ever. It's not just a 'oh noes my straight friend isn't gay' thing, it's just they were such good moments and I don't want it to end like that.

first time i greentext it:

>be me
>be17
>there is this guy in my highschool, a year older than me, taller, stronger, has a beard: typical bear.
>dunno exactly why but he starts to act weird with me even if he's not exactly my friend: he would start to massage my shoulders in front of everyone or agressively tickle my ribs
>Found that very weird but kinda liked that so i didn't say anything to stop him
>then one day, one his friends bet he won't dare to do more to me
>boy he was wrong
>I was in the locker room when he showed up
>without a word he pushed me against the lockers and pined my arms above my head
>insta boner because of rape fetish, i think he felt it.
>starts to put his hand under my t-shirt
>at this point i start to get really scared
>He starts to tickle my ribs can't resist laughing despite the fear
>he then pinch my nipple, calling me a slut and other things
>defenitly freaked out at this point, call for help the other people in the locker room, they pretend not to see
>after 5 minutes of this i start to cry, he lets me go
>end up crying in the toilets

>found out i was gay with a big rape fetish
>found out later he was not, that he had a girlfriend

>>6743258

When I was in 5th grade (so 10 or 11 years old) and they showed the videos on puberty, I forced laughter so that the school nurse would force me out of the room for being immature. Although that surely seemed out of character for anyone there, since I was well-put together then. I did end up sitting outside the classroom those two or three days we had that, so I got what I wanted. Though I wondered some months ago that if I had sat through that, would I have attempted to remove my testicles to prevent male puberty?

>>6756713

At least you like women. Imagine being gay.

>>6761355

>the teacher called my mom because I said I was going to grow up to marry a girl. I got in trouble when i got home.

That upsets me. It is so fucking stupid to get a kid in trouble and stress them out over that.

I took a gram of high purity MDMA.

Was a good night.

>>6752586
you meme hard because your life is hard
i like you, kid

>>6766911
A gram would kill you stupid ass motherfucker

>>6766988

Not him but no it doesn't, MDMA is toxic only in much, much higher doses than that. I've done over a gram quite a few times, it's a waste of money because once you're over 0.4g it's all pretty much the same experience anyway - just a lot of sound, colour and monging out forgetting where you are and what's going on; fun, but not the same vibe as 0.1-0.2g which is the sweet spot IMO.

I know someone who bought a big rock of MDMA for over £3000 and tried to make the money back by selling bumps he scraped off for a fiver each over the course of the weekend, there was a rumour that the police had shown up so he got scared and swallowed the lot. The rumour wasn't true.

Pissed and shit himself on the dancefloor and hallucinated vividly for 6 hours completely off his tits, but didn't die, just had the mother of all comedowns for a week afterwards. Quite mental and not advisable, but definitely not dead. I reckon he did his liver in pretty badly though.