Confusion/lack of information

The more I research the more it becomes clear to me, I'm mostly just normal straight old me and want to live my life that way, but to give you an example, when I discovered drag kings it struck me that is pretty much the perfect relationship I am looking for: A pretty girl I can go out and do normal hetero things with most of the time, but also to be able to both switch roles occasionally and go out, or just myself switch and go out on the town together to pick up a stud to bring home or just have a 'lesbian' experience, that kind of thing. I guess I'm a straight male and a bi female in the one body.

Does this sound familiar to anybody or are any of you able to steer me in the right direction to find a community that would allow me to search for the kind of relationship I mentioned? As you can imagine it's very hard to find anything on Google with these specifics.

So you're a cuckold, with common emasculation fantasies which don't have anything to do with androphilia(attraction to male features). Though many don't realize it, it's actually not the muscled hunks which arouse you, but the thought itself of being aroused by what you think a female would find arousing. It's completely degrading and yet VERY hot. What should make you feel intense anxiety, your body has insteas turned into pleasure, even to the point where you may even identify with that which once caused you pain. Join the club... sissies, bronies, cuckolds, furries, adult babies, all the same fetish, with all of the same eventual desires to become what it is that you love, just different flavors and tons of overlap between fetishists. I.E, Someone that possesses one of these fetishes is likely to possess another.

I'm not sure I get it, but maybe this is what being "bigender" is? An NPR podcast (either radiolab or invisibilia) had an episode about a person who would change states a bit like that. Iirc she eventually transitioned into a full time woman.

No, I don't think it's that at all, it's more like I said, being two different people in one body, it's not just muscled guys, that was just an example. I probably should have explained I'm a fairly contradictory person in general and always have been, this may be unrelated I'm also a Gemini if you put any stock in birth signs. To explain it better, when I'm in straight old me mode, I could not pick one guy as more attractive then the next, but when my brain decides to switch itself around, I can make those kind of judgements like I can between girls when straight. I don't feel turned on by emasculation type fantasies at all, like I wouldn't want to be dominated by a girl even when dressed as one for example, she would have to be in the male aspect as well, and even then, I just want a regular old hetero-type relationship, but us in completely opposite roles, i.e. cuddling up to 'him' in bed, and cooking and cleaning for 'him' etf, hence the epiphany when I discovered the existence of drag kings, but I want a bit more than that, a girl who is just the exact opposite of me like a traditional hetero relationship. This is why I found the sissy hypno and trap thing not to be the right fit, I could watch it and get turned on by the men, but when things like the domination and humiliation came up it just turns me off. I guess the best way to explain it is I just want to be a regular guy with a regular girlfriend, except for the times when she's the guy and I'm the girlfriend, I probably should explain when I say I prefer to be normal 'straight' me it's only a very small preference, think about 55/45 which is probably only down to my life until now and the fact that it's easier and makes more logical sense for me to be a male and switch around the other way whenever than to transition and live as a girl only to try and undo all that when I wanted to switch again. If it was as simple as just flicking a switch and changing between the two, I wouldn't be biased either way.

>>6698111
That's what I originally thought and began to research it, but it all the 'bigender' people I found stories from online seemed to have very different thought processes about the whole thing, which is what led me here hoping somebody was bigender or something similar and could help me narrow down my google search or at least point me somewhere else where I might find somebody similar. I guess the idea was to find a group, or board, or chatroom of people with similar mindsets to help me figure it out - well I guess I have it pretty figured out as well, more that I don't know where I would go to meet the girl of my dreams, I'm fairly familiar with the LGBT scene through a friend if mine that works in a very popular bar, but I don't feel I would be welcomed there for some reason, and I don't know where I would find drag kings and the like as they seem not to really associate with that scene either, but I'm making a (barely) educated guess they might share at least some of my thoughts.

>>6698111
Do you think maybe I should try and find a 'bigender' subreddit or similar and ask there? I'm not really to familiar with much outside 4chan so I don't have the first clue how to do that, but I could figure it out eventually I suppose

>>6698270
I don't know, familia. It wouldn't hurt to try, I suppose. I don't really recognise your situation. But I do believe you for what it's worth.
This may be tangential but it's some of the only academic level writing on the entire transgender subject, so I'm going to recommend Whipping Girl by Julia Serano to you. At any rate it's probably a better starting point for your self-exploration than any half baked reply you'll get on here. I think you'd find at least some chapters in it interesting.

File: ree.jpg (4KB, 318x159px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 318x159px

>I am your average white male, up to a point. I've always crossdressed occasionally since I was a child
Diagnosis: AGP/fetishist
reeee

>>6698421
Thanks, that's exactly the problem really, nobody seems to know what to call it or how to define it and I keep getting told I am one thing or another that doesn't actually fit my situation. I guess the drag king thing isn't really relevant, it's just the closest thing to a straight girl who crossdresses regularly that I could find and I figured if I could make contact with that scene I might be able to get a better idea of where to look next. Best way I can really explain it is like multiple personalities, but there is no seperation, both of them are me, just different versions of me, like in the womb my brain couldn't decide which way to go so just went with both. Thanks for your help though, I'll follow up the lead you mentioned and I'm thinking it might be worth checking in astrology circles, as I do know the feeling of being two people in the one body is common with Geminis, just never heard of it being two different genders before.

>>6698072
>>6698478

>I actually have no idea so I'm just going to pick something and tell you it's that because I don't understand it at all.

Thanks for not helping at all, retards.