Going stealth when you head off to college

I did this when i went to uni. It was pretty secessful and all it takes is the ability to pass. The thing was though that i found dating to be harder and after a few years i had friends that didn't know i was trans and it was kinda too late to tell them so if they did find out it could blow up in my face. It never did but i still felt anxious about it. I recently moved back home and de-stealthed. I'm trying to figure out which one suits me better.

Remeber OP living with trannies increases your chance of being colocked.

>>6596250
>i found dating to be harder
What do you mean by this? I'm planning on getting SRS next summer so I figure that if I wait till then I'll be in the clear with that.

>>6596309
Oh, my sweet summer child. No.

>>6596309
If it gets serious, they may question why there's no pictures of you as a teen on facebook, or why they never meet your childhood friends, or why you're so reticent about introducing them to family or even something as simple as why you never seem to menstruate... or why you have letters addressed to your legal name

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>>6596354

>Being so retarded as to hide the fact you're trans from your lover

Asking for it, tbqh. Question, would you classify yourself more as HSTS or AGP, honestly?

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>>6596354
>no pictures of you as a teen on facebook
Not on social media except snapchat and I compulsively delete accounts anyway.

>why they never meet your childhood friends
Don't really have any. I think I show some signs of schizoid personality disorder. I'm planning on trying to socialize more when I get to my new school though.

>why you're so reticent about introducing them to family
I don't get along super well with my family and they live far away,

>even something as simple as why you never seem to menstruate
I doubt most guys would inquire about my menstrual patterns.

>why you have letters addressed to your legal name
Legal name change coming this October.

>>6596364
Honestly I don't really believe in the Blanchardian paradigm and I certainly don't fit into it myself. My gender felt wrong to me since I was about 6 or 7 years old and then when puberty hit repression combined with testosterone meant that those feelings found a sexual outlet. Also, I've always been attracted to both men and women, but with a preference for men.

>>6596469
>testosterone meant that those feelings found a sexual outlet.

Basically what you are saying is you are AGP trash.

>>6596364

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>>6596475

>>6596475
>Basically what you are saying is you are AGP trash.
>Ever being turned on at the thought of being a woman makes you a disgusting fetishist.

Uh, yeah sure whatever. Why did you ask anyway? Is telling everyone you're trans the latest TruTrans™ thing to do?

>>6596069
I wouldnt bank on your trans roommate not outing you. I have been outed more times by other trans people than I ever have by my non trans friends. Especially if they are some tumblr type trans activist or some shit, I got outed by one of them because they thought I was being transphobic by being stealth, seriously

>>6596469

Huh, so you would be classed as AGP. I thought you would be HSTS for sure. I thought they were the only ones stupid enough to try that, like Gwen Araujo. Guess I can toss that hypothesis out the window.

>>6596542

That person is not me.

>>6596069
I did and still do this, and it works out great. I took an entire year before starting uni to prepare, though- I made sure my name was legally changed before even applying, chose an uni in a different state, moved together with a childhood friend who is fully supportive of being stealth and has his own fuckhuge secrets that I in turn know (so we both really can't turn on each other, ever, or both or lives WILL be ruined), made up stories to fall back on to explain some of the weirder shit. Consistency is key, there.
Personally, I'd rather a few close friends think I was in therapy because of repressed necrophilia or something equally outrageous than they'd find out I was trans. Being regarded as a a guy instead of a trans is extremely, extremely important to me. Something as extreme as that also helps explain your nervousness when you tell them, secrecy, and nobody would question the legitimacy of "such a big reveal"; They usually can't come up with worse shit.
I was smart enough as a teen to flock to subcultures where the guys look faggy as shit (emo and visual kei) so teen photos get that kind of chuckle, but never made anyone clock me. Dating is incredibly hard because figuring out the right time to drop the bomb is hell, and you never can be sure whether they'll just out you after you told them. In case you have a bigger circle of friends who all don't know, that can cause a social avalanche. You really need to know whether you can trust a potential partner even BEFORE starting to date.
The big pro is that you WILL assimilate into the normalcy of your gender and get as close to minimizing your trans-baggage as possible.
Be sure to be assertive, overall.

>>6596549
This is why you never associate with SJWs
They may be your """"""""friend"""""""now, but as soon as trans stops being one of the hip oppressed groups, you're fucked

>>6596549
This. Minimize your contact with the "trans community" to anon online interactions in private browser windows (running on a virtual machine, if you're really paranoid).

>>6596575
This. I only browse here through multiple proxies and tor, posting through a library computer I hacked. Feels safe, man

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>>6596549
Shit, how do I make sure this doesn't happen? Threats? Blackmail? Pre-screening them? Or should I try really hard to get a single or divided double?

>>6596562
Yeah I tend to break a lot of people's pre-conceived notions over in /agpg/ since I'm a relatively young transitioner (HRT since 17) and mostly am into guys, but also was hooked on /d/ type shit since I was 12.

>>6596566
My school is in another state too, and as far as I'm aware no one from my high school is attending there.

>>6596575
>>6596614
I'm majoring in comp sci with a focus on netsec so I think I'm good there. I thought 4chan blocked tor access though?

>>6596628
Shit, how do I make sure this doesn't happen? Threats? Blackmail? Pre-screening them? Or should I try really hard to get a single or divided double?

How well do you know them? Are they also stealth? If they go the same mode you do, you both have each other in your grip, so it wouldn't be smart for them to out you. In that case, you should be okay. If they're "open" about being trans, though- I'd keep on their good side, but not associate with them too much. Basically, keep them/their circle of friends and yours seperate.
I remember there was/is a stealth guy in ftmg who lives together with five or so cis guys who all have no idea for a few years now. So you wouldn't necessarily be forced to live on your own.

>>6596645
>How well do you know them?
Not at all. We were put together after filling out of one those first year housing surveys.

>Are they also stealth?
I don't know but I could try to find out. I was kind of hoping this was the case.

I'm kind of going to a uni that's known for being somewhat SJW so stuff like >>6596549 worries me.

What does "going stealth" mean? Does it mean you are so passable people believe you don't have a dick?

>>6596709
If housing trans student together is policy, and roomie is open about it, then it will be obvious you're too.

(At least to lgbt or lgbt-aware people, that will know what your college policy on these things are)

>>6596719
Yep. If you go stealth, you pass for cis and stop telling people you were trans unless you date them because why the fuck should they care?

>>6596749
>If housing trans student together is policy
Not exactly typical policy from what I understand. My school has coed dorms so when you fill out the housing survey you state your identified gender and then say if you would be okay with rooming with someone who identifies differently than you. In other words, a cis female and cis male could be rooming together and that would be considered normal at my school if both of them were okay with it. I assume there are also plenty of trans male or trans females rooming with cis members of their gender or the opposite gender.

I think it's more out of coincidence that I happened to get put with a trans female and possibly because I told my uni's housing administration that I specifically wanted to room with someone who was okay rooming with a trans person and wasn't going to out me.

>>6596628

>Yeah I tend to break a lot of people's pre-conceived notions over in /agpg/ since I'm a relatively young transitioner (HRT since 17) and mostly am into guys, but also was hooked on /d/ type shit since I was 12.

I didn't mean that as a good thing.

But most trans don't pass.

>>6598605
Those that do go stealth most of the time, so you have no idea they are trans. There is no reason to not go stealth if you pass.