Has anyone here tried to commit suicide before? I've been

>>6242757
nah I'm too strong

You should try and kill yourself in a realy fun creative way. Like jumping in front of a train while naked or something...

File: the ride never ends.png (625KB, 482x525px) Image search: [Google]

625KB, 482x525px

>>6242757
>Have you attempted before?

Naturally as a mtf, yes.

>Why did you fail?

Had proper rope all set up and everything. Just couldn't jump. Tried multiple times. Closest ever gotten was to a door-knob and leaning sideways, passing out and waking up with the knot all undone from poor knotting. Used a belt, probably why, I was THAT desperate, but it somewhat worked anyways. Might try again soon if I can overcome the anxiety that comes with it.

>Do you think life is worth living still?

Gotten my hands on some Estrogen pills, but I don't pass. Don't think I'll ever not have suicidal thoughts, but honestly after all the trouble and heartache of setting everything up, writing a suicide note, burning bridges, tying up all loose ends, again and again, I just realize I could just take a nap/sleep for a while and feel functionally human again, at least temporarily. At some point you just realize the instinct to live can actually overrides tons of bullshit at the last minute, and that the greatest hell imaginable is to continue living anyways. It's all just too much work.

Rambling aside, seems like our methods are similar. Don't try and make a scene, I accidentally did it once and only once and things were never the same. From their obligatory sympathy, they'll "offer" to admit you to a psych ward. It's in quotes because if they feel the need, they'll give them a ring regardless.

Cheers.

If this thread is alive tonight, I'll write out what it feels like to not jump after you had your mind set on doing for like a year.

>>6242846
Just realize I never clearly answered the last question.

Is life worth living? The short answer is no, not at all, but there's nothing that can easily be done about it. Some people go the extra mile with helium tanks and masks, but the primal instinct to live and get some rest usually kicks in first, at least in my experience. Probably for many untold others too.

>>6242861
[spoiler]It feels shitty and you have an irrational sense of hope because of the burst of adrenaline rush and pounding heart. Then you try again later, rinse and repeat. You never succeed.[/spoiler]

>>6242872
You make it sound like its impossible to actually go through with it. Perhaps we're just not the kind of people are strong enough to go through with it. There are so many who are and I often wonder what the difference between them and my self is. My father killed himself actually.

>>6242882
I feel like jumping would be too painful for the second or so after you hit the ground.

Yep, there is some truth to it gets better, but after that it can get worse. it just goes in and out

I failed because i regained some composure and threw the knife across the room and ran out into the snow. Did cut my chest a little though

In the end i have been to mental hospitals quite a few times, Suicide for me isnt even scary its just a distant romantic idea. I realized i dont really want to die. i just want to pain to stop, i want for things to be different. Probably why i tend to just run away from my problems, but someone who actually has it together to some degree could take that and make their life better.

I imagine once my kids are grown up and moved on, I will wait for winter. Find a freezing river, and take a bath. It won't hurt anymore than getting cold and numb. Nobody ever feels that pain until they try and warm up after. I won't be doing that. I'll pass out and die within 15 minutes, likely much less since I won't be attempting to swim. Just laying on my back letting the freezing water freeze my brain stem.

File: Harol_Holt_PM.jpg (409KB, 973x816px) Image search: [Google]

409KB, 973x816px

>>6242947
Excellent idea desu

File: us_methods_of_suicide_2006.png (7KB, 677x347px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 677x347px

>>6242928
>You make it sound like its impossible to actually go through with it.

Not impossible, just improbable. You may or may not succeed -- but I would imagine that life tends to lean on the living side of things. Studying total attempts by method and their "success" rates and you'll see it plain as day.

>Perhaps we're just not the kind of people are strong enough to go through with it. There are so many who are and I often wonder what the difference between them and my self is. My father killed himself actually.

It all comes down to luck. Have access to firearms? Good for you. No? With rope and belt, your chances go down drastically; slim but still technically feasible. Anything else? Buy lottery tickets.

>>6242882
That's the stereotype but for me it felt completely different

>>6242861
>day of my 18th birthday, November
>Had a terrible childhood
>father was a depressed drunk
>can't remember a time where he told me he loved me, that he's proud of me or even hugged me
>mother was borderline mentally challenged, hit me until I was 14 (and strong enough to overpower her), still constantly abusing me verbally
>bullied pretty much from second grade all the way to high school graduation
>gay but deep in denial back then
>highschool felt like a single unwaking nightmare
>whole circle of friends turned from being ok friends to bullying me
>felt like I had only one person left on this world who cared about me: female friend from school
>she had her birthday 2 days before me but was having her party that day
>wake up at 5pm
>parents weren't at home, no presents or decoration only a little post-it with "Happy Birthday, Anon" signed only by my father.
>decide that this will be my last night in existence
>might as well try to have fun
>8pm, arrive at friend's party
>at her aunts penthouse, 12th floor in downtown
>party starting to go, everyone having a blast
>give friend her present, she gratulates me for my birthday too
>no one else did that evening
>~8 joints, some kratom and a molly later
>sit on patio of penthouse
>everyone talking about bs, I just stare at the horizon
>loose myself in thought, people start leaving
>only me and friends left
>"it's kinda cold, you wanna pinguine?"
>start to cuddle
>"you didn't say a thing for the last two hours, are you alright?"
>"If I'd go now, would you miss me?"
>"You can't go yet, it's your birthday! you have to stay for a bit! Please."
>"Alright, for you"
>she left for a moment to go to the toilet
>alone, sit on railing of patio, feet in mid air
>really beautiful night, last warm autumn breeze before the winter

cont.

>>6243988
*only me and female friend left

cont.
>feel really calm
>no worries, can't feel my body or the cold anymore
>realize giving up eliminates everything I could possible be bothered by
>smile for what felt like the first time in many months
>she comes back
>"careful, you could hurt yourself"
>"would you be sad if something happened to me?"
>"hell yeah I'd be sad. I want you to be here for me"
>decide I can't do this here
>literally the only reason was that I didn't want to ruin my friends birthday party
>stay until 4-ish am
>friend escorts me to the ground floor, hugs me goodbye
>make my way down main street
>almost dawn
>this is it
>buzz myself into a really high residential building a former friend lived in
>knew there's a roof access, I were there once with that friend
>make my way to the top floor, climb out of window onto roof
>sit onto edge, ~30 stories down
>heart rate starts to rise, hands are shaking but I'm not scared
>look onto horizon again
>sun starts to rise, bathing the first roofs in light
>realize the sun would've risen even if I'd done it earlier at the penthouse
>realize if I do it now, after some time no one would care
>nothing matters and my existence means nothing
>neither does my death
>neither do all the bad things that happened to me
>neither do all the things that will happen
>feel really free
>feel really serene
>a dove lands beside me
>coos at me
>I laugh, tears in my eyes
>first time I cried since i was maybe 6 years old
>reach out to the dove
>it flies away
>I look at it going towards the horizon, it's almost day now
>realize I can keep living this nightmare, it doesn't matter anyway
>sit up there until 9am, just watching the world turn

I'm in college now, on my way to become a scientist. I'm still a virgin and I still haven't heard an "I love you" in my life but it's ok. Whenever I feel down I just look at the horizon and realize that nothing matters anyway.

>>6242757
I succeeded.

Not sure if what I've done counts as an attempt, noose around my neck, but stopped myself (twice).

I continue to think that life isn't worth living and wish that I had been successful. I would have liked to have been dead from age 19-20 onwards (just turned 26). The last 6 years had no new or enjoyable experiences.

I'm gravely concerned that I don't have it in me to kill myself, I'm one of those people who can't do it unfortunately. Perhaps because I'm not a risk taker (I'm a virgin).

As a result I will live a mediocre existence, not taking risks or investing in my future as I perpetually assume I only have a few months left.

File: darren.jpg (1MB, 3255x3255px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3255x3255px

>>6244127
Hi this is a shit story but i just want you to know i read it

I think about it alot but I'm scared because if I do kill myself it won't be an attempt I will 100% die.

first time i tried to starve myself, 85 pounds was my absolute lowest weight.
second time i huffed lots of freon.
im relatively alright today, although i developed psychosis, i dont have any blood sugar issues, and i bulk up way easier after fixing my bmi.

>>6242757
You need to get on the right meds OP

>>6244127
I love you.

>>6242757
Please get a therapist.

>>6242757
sort of 3 times but none of them actually really got close to killing me so eh

>tried to jam a stanley knife into an artery
>why did you fail
turns out I'm a retard and had no idea where the particular artery was

>starved myself down to a bmi of ~12, hoped I would just die at some point
>why did you fail
because that was a fucking retarded idea

>tried to jump in front of a train
>why did you fail
because I'm a retard and I left my suicide note at home, and my mum found it and showed up at the train station screaming

>will you try again
fucking hell no

>do you think life is worth living still?
>still
well I didn't before, but I do now
I'm trans and I was closeted at that point, but since I came out and transitioned my life got like 9000000 times better

>None of that swallowing a bottle of pills or slitting wrists bullshit
well at least you know how not to do it
my advice is that there's plenty of shit you can do before suicide to make your life better
see a psych, get on antidepressants
try to find someone special
learn an instrument, join a band
etc

>>6244127
>feel really free
>feel really serene
I can relate to your story, anon. Got a bit choked up. Pretty strange to think about how many people have been in that same but different lonely spot.

>Has anyone here tried to commit suicide before?
Oh yes. You have come to the right place.
>why did you fail
Mum found me spasming on my bed from insulin overdose, took me to the hospital. Ended up in a 3 day coma instead of dead.
>will you try again
Probably.
>do you think life is worth living still?
Nope. Still an ugly Mt'ew gross what even are you??'. About to get my Masters in CE so maybe I can get some of that surgery money soon and get pretty, probably not.

yeah it fucking sucked

>>6242757
>I've got the rope picked out already.
This hits me way too close to home OP.

Every day after school I used to go home and make a noose, and stand on a chair with it around my neck for a while. Every single day. All I had to do was kick that chair and I was dead.

Obviously I didn't do it.

What is it that is making you so anxious OP? What is it that's making you feel that life is not worth living? What is the nature of your suffering?

Mine was because I had become sterile. An infection had spread to my testicles. It got very bad. Eventually I did get help and had it cleared away with antibiotics. It took months for me to realize it, but after I healed my testicles had began to shrink. Of course I went to the doctor again.
They were atrophying, and there was nothing to be done. They're toast, for good. Sterile for life, and extremely little natural testosterone production. I wanted kids and a normal life. I still really wish I could have kids of my own, adoption just isn't the same. I was devastated. Didn't even take the testosterone replacement therapy, I didn't give a shit, I saw no point continuing. Around this time I began making my noose daily. Only when nobody was home though.

The only thing that really kept me from doing it was what my loved ones would think, and how all I would be doing is taking my suffering and dumping it on all of them, just exponentially worse. After months of this I stopped making the noose, but I still wanted to die. My life still feels ruined in many ways. But that thought of my family and friends suffering after I die is what keeps me from killing myself. I saw the toll it took when my best friend's father shot himself in the head. Years later they're still all carrying that baggage, some worse for the wear than others, but all have been effected, even me. I still think of the last time I saw him, just days before he did it. I was with him and his son (my best friend) in his workshop. (cont)

>>6249024
(cont)
He was just showing us some tools for us to use on a project we were doing. What haunts me the most is how he said "you know, anon (his son), I'm not going to be around forever"

Just thinking of all of my last moments seeing him and how retrospectively, it was clear he had that knowledge in his head that he was going to kill himself soon. I could never give such memories to my family and friends. It'd be too much.

No matter what you think of them, OP, or anyone else in the thread - you WILL have a strong negative impact on other peoples lives by killing yourself. Please, don't do that to anyone. It's a horrible burden to bear. If you can't just stay alive for yourself, stay alive for everybody around you, everyone in your life, everyone you ever see.

I could never kill myself. Even if I think my life is shit a lot. I have learned to enjoy myself again, with time. The wounds heal with time.

>thrown out of the house when I was 17 because I'm a lesbian
>live on streets for 3 years
>addicted to heroin
>older sister gets me into rehab twice
>finally clean
>sister gets murdered
>she was the only one in my family who still loved me
>depressed as all fuck
>drive up to the mountains with bottle of pills and whisky
>walk into the woods, sit down, take all the pills and drink until I pass out
>wake up god knows how much later
>covered in puke, dirty (somehow rolled down a hill)
>find my car, sit in it for hours crying
>drive how and on the drive realize my sister would be disappointed in me
>end up going back to school
>get degree, get good job, own a house, car
>in great physical shape
>when things get tough I think about my sister and try not to disappoint her
>life is pretty good

I find things don't get "better" you just get "better" at dealing with shit.
Suicide isn't worth the bother.

>>6249046

It doesn't matter if you say that. Eventually the pain overrides the will to survive or any reason to. That's why people kill themselves. No manner of words will stop someone.

>>6251923
Like I give a fuck whether you off yourself you depressive fuck. Obviously you have things holding you back or you wouldn't be posting right now. If someone is at that point then they'd just off themselves on the spot. This thread isn't going to have any of those people. This thread or any such thread could only possibly have people with some shred of doubt to them, and as long as they have that, more seeds of doubt can be planted.

>>6244127
I feel you so much, i went through the same. Currently becoming a scientist aswell, funnily enough! Be well.

>>6249046
I don't really have an impact on anyone's life aside from work colleagues, and then is purely professional.

For those that do have connections though, it's a little unfair to try and force them to keep living a mediocre life for 75 years just for the sake of not wanting to upset other people. Bad things happen in life, if it's not a family members suicide, it will be something else.

I have about three overdoses under my belt, some injuries requiring stitches, a blood transfusion and nerve damage. I wouldn't say I 'tried' killing myself because I damned tried, I would succeed but I seemed to be drawn to 'almost death'.

I thought surviving would somehow make me appreciate life and it didn't, but it did somehow make me not care enough to try again. Either that I'm just so busy with my job I don't have the time to think. Also it let me know how much of a shit my family cares about me. It wasn't for attention and I tried very hard to not let them know about my ICU visits.

Tdlr I don't care enough to try again. Which maybe is for the best. I'm the o my one taking care of my cat and dog, I have a job no one else wants to do and I pay my taxes, I guess.

File: 1462848538629.png (23KB, 242x120px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 242x120px

>why did you fail
tried several times, to much of a coward to do it

>will you try again
Maybe, my moms a bitch, abused mentally and physically - still are and I have no way of getting out of this shithole before after i'm done with school ..

>do you think life is worth living still?
The 'it gets better part' is kinda falling to place in my life, i just recently started on testosterone, gotten a much better bond with my dad and gotten myself a boyfriend. i still get my massive depression phases but I'll manage desu

the only problem is my mom and her bf tho

Just pretend like you killed yourself today, and now you are living a life of what could have been. Like a ghost if you will.

>>6242757
Maybe instead of killing yourself why don't you pay a professional with your financial independent bux to help you get your shit in order?

Suicide for those without a painful terminal illness is wack. Clearly you have self-image issues that need to be sorted out.

I've been kicked out on the streets, intimidated, abused by family, thrown into debt, looked down on, scowled at, unemployed, penniless, and miserable but I never once thought about really killing myself, even when death sounded like relief.

OP and the ones who think like you are weak of mind. Pick yourself up; someone would give their left nut to have half what you have handed to them.

I've definitely had suicidal thoughts and considered different techniques.

But it always passes within a few days or weeks. I understand that the mental and emotional turmoil of anxiety can make life unbearable. The constant ups and downs, and when you're okay just waiting and dreading the next wave of despair.

But I am here to tell you that the emptiness and unfulfilled life you have lived up until now is not what you were meant to be.

When you are looking into the void, consider that you are not the end. That maybe some power greater than you exists, and even cares for you.

Consider that maybe this crisis is self imposed, a result of your reliance upon you and you alone. Consider that a life lived in this way cannot work, because we need a connection to spirit to truly live.

Consider that you were created to serve others. Consider that you have not yet discovered fulfillment and peace because you have been too busy trying to live according to your own desires.

I guarantee you that the best way to find fulfillment is to ask yourself each day, even each moment if need be: what can I do to serve someone in need? How can I be tolerant, patient, kind, and loving toward all people?

If you measure your success according to these things, I guarantee you will find the peace and love you seek.

>>6244127
This really speaks to me. I feel like suicide isn't really that bad, it's really liberating to think about it. But something always stops me, and I know my life would be better if I killed myself, but something stops me, mabye just me wondering if things might get better?

>>6242757
You know, sometimes I do want to kill myself.

Then I see pictures like the one OP posted and I remember that as long as there are fucking amazingly hot 10/10 guys like that I still have reason to live. Fuck I want to jump on his dick so bad. I just want to unzip that fucking top of his and slowly pull down his pants from the waist, and suck his dick while feeling up his torso. fuck.

>>6251952

I like how you would just fuel the doubt of death instead of the hope of life. XD

I don't know.. It's hard to say in my younger years if I was suicidal or not. Self harmed alot in that period of time, ended up hospitalized twice for it in fact. but, I don't really remember if I wanted to die, or if I was even depressed. I just felt incredibly empty all the time, and that was my way of handling it (which is retarded - but even with that said I still get the itch from time to time for no particular reason 3 years after the fact).

>>6242846
If you need a friend, let me know your insta handle. You need to live.

>>6256716
>I like how you would just fuel the doubt of death instead of the hope of life.
It worked for me, it can work for others hahahaha.

overdosed. tried to buy some vodka to wash it down, but was 17 at the time and forgot my fake ID. called a crisis helpline and went to hospital. am close to trying again. this time i am 18

Suicide attempt = needy high maintenance attention seeker

100% of the time this is true, if someone truly is in so much pain that they want to die they will go ahead and do it.

File: baneTitle3.jpg (122KB, 600x300px) Image search: [Google]

122KB, 600x300px

>>6242757
Daily reminder that your super lame edgetard role model would laugh at you while you killed yourself.

I've been depressed and on/off suicidal since I was 13 or 14. I have bright patches, but it always comes back to the same dull ache. I'm just so exhausted. I want to lie down to sleep and never wake up. I don't want to bleed or take pills, because that never works. I don't want to jump or something because that's a mess for everyone else. So I'm going to starve myself to death. People do it all the time on accident. It shouldn't be too hard to do it on purpose.

I've wanted to die for a long, long time. It's all going to be okay.

>>6257040

Mind doing progress reports? I shouldn't be fascinated by this, but I am.

>>6257040
You'll wind up failing at starving yourself, you will wind up eating. I am pretty anorexic myself and regularly go on fasts. Even with a desire to harm yourself, I think you underestimate the power of your hunger and your bodies desires.

>>6257091
Sure, should I do a blog or something?

>>6257105
Yeah, it's not really going to be a quick process but anorexic people do starve themselves to death. I'll be hungry, and it'll hurt, but it's the price to pay for some peace.
And I figure the time is good, because maybe I will miraculously manage to get better. It gives me a little while to see how current situations play out, while giving me the comfort of knowing I'm working towards something I've always wanted. That way I'm not rushing into the decision, but at least I'm dying.

>>6257190
>>6257040
Life is suffering. It's plain and simple. We are actually custom tuned to always experience suffering and hardship. It's why you can't buy happiness, because it's a carrot on a stick.

The solution is to find something meaningful. Something you care about that you can focus on. When you are focusing on something meaningful you will find that the fact that life is suffering is alright because you are doing something worthwhile.

The trouble is that what brings us meaning is different for each of us. So no one can tell you what to do, you have to find it for yourself. But think. Even though your malaise, there will be something that you care about.

>>6257190
>the price to pay for some peace
You realize that starvation is probably one of the slowest and most torturous methods of suicide, right? Until you've starved yourself a good bit you do not understand the true meaning of hunger or of suffering (at least in this sense). Every single waking moment will be suffering, eventually. It won't even take long for that part to begin, and it's not going to just go away. You're going to be in pain, you're going to be feeling like shit in so many different ways. And on top of it all your natural instincts are going to become incredibly difficult to resist, despite you wanting to kill yourself.

I mean it's good that you're not wanting to do anything brash and sudden, and I personally think you're going to pull through and live, but of all the ways to slowly kill yourself, this one is very much torture.

>>6257040
dumb way to do it, starving is an extremely painful process, your body literally eats itself to death

just do the old helium tank rigged up to a gas mask of you want a peaceful outing

>>6242757
>I've moved out of home, have a good group of friends and I'm financially independent.
This is all I fucking want, but I can't even get a job right now. I hate myself and I hate my life. I feel like my parents suffocate me and I feel trapped in a hole that I can't climb out of.

>inb4 "blogpost"

>>6259573
Nice blog faggot

>>6242757
Not intentionally. I have thrown myself into traffic out of some kind of bizarre impulse.

>>6257234
I have things in my life that could be meaningful, but I've wanted to die for years. It's a nice sentiment, but... Idk. I just think I'm ready to go.

>>6257278
>>6259490
I see where you guys are coming from. But the way I see it, it's not a whole lot different from self-harming any other way, which is something I'm not unused to.

If I'm being honest, you guys are probably right. I probably won't make it, but... I dunno. It's worth a shot. If it gets to be too much, then I give up and I've failed. I'll find another way.

Helium anon, I don't have the money. I lost my job a couple of months ago, and my girlfriend is the only one keeping us afloat right now. I can't exactly ask her for money for that, or ask her to watch. And I really don't want her to be the one to find me.

I dunno. This is probably a bad idea, but I'm done. I'm just so tired.

>>6242757
>The problem is the suicidal thoughts and anxiety wont go away

I know those feels. It's like if you entertain them too much, they just keep coming back no matter what you do with your life.

I had a pretty lonely childhood, so I've thought about it since like 8th grade. Never attempted it though, because there's no way I wouldn't succeed if I did. I'm way too scared of fucking it up and having to live with whatever I did to myself to not meticulously plan out exactly how I'm going to die.

>do you think life is worth living still?

This is kind of a trick question. It really is only when you think it is.