What do I do?

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Ok I am going to babble here so please excuse grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure. I dont know what to do, there Is a guy i really like very far away and he is very sweet, but can go days with no communication, he says I need to get used to it (implying he will be around) It is NOT easy, if it does work we wont ( other than a couple of possible vacations, be able to be together for 2 yrs.
I have been alone for 20 yrs now ( not so much as a kiss) and It is killing me. Do I hold on and hope he can work out the issues that I am aware he has (depression got very hurt by previous boyfriend) and risk it shredding what is left of my heart, do I say fuck it throw my feelings, values, and beliefs aside, say fuck it to my "age restriction" and take whatever comes my way and try to enjoy some intimacy with someone before i die, or go off in the woods someone and put a bullet in my head like a few very nice people have suggested?