How do you deal with suicidal ideation? mtf, I pass (no really),

>>5401925
Those toys are awesome

>>5401925
>I don't really know what to do.

Maybe you should kill yourself. That's what most of us end up doing sooner or later anyways.

>>5402070
I think the number's under 50% actually

>>5402079
The other 50% end up being murdered sooner or later tho

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transcranial_magnetic_stimulation
Or if that does not work: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroconvulsive_therapy
But that second one can have serious memory side effects. Hopefully insurance will cover it.

>Pass
>Wants to kill self

Some people have all the luck.

>>5402152
I don't think I can get either of these because I have metal plates/screws on my jaw

Either way, anybody have any success with these or is it just a last ditch hail mary

>>5402164
I wouldn't call having GD, MDD, and BPD, or just wanting to kill myself, lucky. Your way of thinking is part of the reason it's so hard for me to find adequate treatment instead of just SJWs and therapists dropping me for being treatment-resistant

>>5402164
To add to >>5402188: I'd love to have a tangible problem. Explaining to someone how you are mentally fucked up sounds as bullshit to me as anybody

>>5402167
Well, the wikipedia articles appear to be citing a study stating that ECT works in around 50% of treatment resistent depression, with a relapse rate of 50% within one year, and the magnet one being about half as effective, but with less serious memory side effects. Although, the metal might be an issue, IDK.

>>5402193
I'll talk to my therapist about it I guess I see her on Friday. Pragmatically >>5402070 sounds like the best option to me - I just wish my body wasn't so resilient against the methods I've tried for becoming an hero

Electroconvulsive is rather effective for depression.

But side effects are huge, not only on memory. You need someone close to you to tell you if its changing you too much.


Also maybe re-try some medication, but ask for a simpler regimen (maybe lithium only, does anything had any effect on you ?).

Depression may, in some people, just dissapear with time, would you be OK to try to hang on 1 or maybe 2 years more ? Maybe for someone you care about.

>>5401925
>How do you deal with suicidal ideation?
Talk to somebody with worse problems than yours. I've thought about killing myself at least three times in the last few weeks.

>>5402084
And the rest of us DIE ANYWAY! Oh, the humanity

Iktf OP. My transition went really well and everyone accepted me. I still want to die though. It's as if I am obsessed with suicide, I think about it all the time. I don't really know what to do so I just throw drugs and alcohol at the problem, it's like a 50/50 split of whether it makes me feel better for the night or 10x worse.

Trannies amirite?

>>5401925

As someone who gets them regularly (been multiple times a day for a few weeks now) it never really goes away, you just get better at dealing with it. Sorry to say it, but there is no real external long term cure.

>>5402152

TMS only has an effect for between 12 - 24 hours, depending on the strength of stimulation.

constantly thinking about it helps

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>>5401925
I was in a mental hospital just a month ago because of a suicide attempt.
Got diagnosed with MDD and PTSD.
And yesterday I was about to jump off the roof of my school. I pass and am on the road to getting my surgeries, I'm just so depressed that I am so different. I will never get to love normally, have sex normally, have a period, have a baby. And I always feel like a freak. Its a lot.

>>5402252
I'm 26 almost 27 now. I just can't see any sort of magical relief coming. I'll give ECT thought

>>5402280
can't just think my way out of this
>but mental illnesses aren't real!

>>5402283
sounds like you have ocd

>>5402290
temporary relief sounds like a waste of money and that sucks about the other. maybe one day

>>5402303
are you me

>>5402282
Sad, isn't it

>>5402314

I dunno, time spent indulging in ideation and introspection to get to the root not only of the reasoning behind the thoughts themselves, but also to the root of who you are is a relief. You talked about the reasoning behind it a little but... I think things like this are more complex than a list of problems.

>>5402360
I've thought about it a lot and most of the root causes are immutable and grounded in reality (ie, the usual tran shit like can't have kids, missed youth, parents hate me for religious reasons, etc)

>>5402314
>sounds like you have ocd
Really? I thought it was more of a "crippling depression, self hatred" type of thing. I don't really have any other symptoms of ocd

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>>5402314
>are you me

lol maybe. It was such a terrible experience, my facial hair grew in and everyone clocked me and i was like fuuckkkkk. And Now everyone treats me differently and im still depressed as fuck. Hopefully once i finally get surgeries I'll be happier. I doubt it.
All I want is to be biologically female but it's a moot point. Every tranny out there will never experience what it is like to genuinely have the right body. At least in the near future. I guess someday in hundreds of years it will be possible.
Sucks to be a tranny.

>>5402397

Well shit nig... I really wish I could help or even offer realistic help in a tangible way but things like this really do require inner strength... talking it through with someone else can relieve the pressure of these things too.

>>5402403
Yea my mistake I misread your original post. Sorry

>>5402410
Ya, seems like there's no good alternative to either waiting it out barely getting by or quitting life

saging

>>5402450

I, and nobody else, can make that decision for you. It's your right as an individual to choose what you want, but I would urge you to hold on for a while longer because I have no doubt life gets better for those who want it, even if you don't want it now.

>>5401930
ikr, had one when i was a kid

>>5402188
>>5402192

I'm sorry, I feel bad now senpai. I hope things work out for you.

>>5402314
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/10/101012114052.htm
The study referenced by that article would appear to show that the majority of patients had responded to TMS and continuing use of antidepressants, with only a minority of patients requiring reintroduction of TMS. Also, this might be useful a page to look at:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/brain-stimulation-therapies/brain-stimulation-therapies.shtml
>>5402290
What study did you look at?

>>5402626

Actually I found that out by asking the technician while I was having some TMS done. He said it depends on the equipment and the strength, frequency and time taken for each stimulation session but he said the effects are usually for between 12-24 hours for the set up he was using.

>>5402647
I guess I was wrong then.

>>5401925
So is that BPD bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder then? It's a pretty big difference even if they're commonly misdiagnosed as each other.
Have you been evaluated for an autism spectrum disorder? (Not that there's any particular reason to do that except treatment resistant depression, gender dysphoria, and being on 4chan. etc)

You really haven't been on all possible meds, but I guess advice about that is best left to your psychiatrist, so posting your extensive list might not be worth the time, 4chan med school generally sucks more than do actual doctors.

Metal in the mouth/jaw is generally not a contraindication for ECT (it can change setup but that's not your issue). If you're indeed having a long-term, treatment resistant depression, yes it is absolutely worth a try. It can be complete magic for some. The memory loss is near always for close retrospective memories, like day(s) before. Some have problems recalling well-known information the first time(s) afterwards, such as passwords or telephone numbers, but it returns quickly.
There are not a lot of good, large studies on long-term side effects of ECT, but it is important to keep in mind that depression in itself is a potentially degenerative disease that takes its toll on functions such as memory. When reading about people's experiences it is impossible to say if any subjective memory loss was indeed due to ECT.

>>5402252
>But side effects are huge, not only on memory. You need someone close to you to tell you if its changing you too much.
What are the side effects? I only heard about memory loss and they don't really mention anything else

>>5402939
>Have you been evaluated for an autism spectrum disorder?
Is there a difference in treatment if you have both autism and MDD?
I mean for MDD

>>5402939
borderline

>autism
lol nah it was brought up in differentials but BPD was best fit due to my lack of identity, "emotional intelligence" (blanking on better word), and extreme reactions to abandonment (received diagnosis 4 years ago when I attempted suicide in front of someone important to me because they were leaving). I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty I'm not autistic (the non-4chan definition at least)

I've been seeing psychiatrists since I was 12 (almost 27 now) and I've tried most anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, etc. The only alternative diagnosis that hasn't been ruled out is temporal lobe epilepsy, but BPD is a better fit plus it wouldn't change prognosis since I've already tried anticonvulsants

I don't know if ECT is worth the trade-off with those adverse effects. Placebo effect doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility given the fact that people rationalize harder experiences as more rewarding than easier experiences. There's also the possibility that I'd feel more hopeless afterward since that'd be burning my last option

>>5403032
Medication-wise:
If you look in most literature - no, because very little research has been done.
If you look at actual patients - it's quite common among patients with treatment resistant depression to have ASD, whether suspected or actually diagnosed. Vice versa, those with ASD who have contact with psychiatry quite often have a more, so to say, complex depression (it might be harder to diagnose and evaluate properly, and respond differently to medication).
It is more common among people with ASD to be sensitive regarding medication dosage and/or get paradoxical reactions.

For therapy in general, a person with ASD usually requires a different approach - especially considering both the different way of interpretating the world, and the reduced amount of social stimuli that are fulfilling enough + the reduced ability to change this (social isolation is after all one of the worst things a human can experienge, and the reduced capacity to interact socially does not imply a lack of need for social interaction).

The problem might be two-sided: medications may inherently work differently if ASD, but also are less effective if the root is a problem due to the ASD, and as such requiring special management.

Likewise ASD + borderline is not uncommon and requires special considerations in therapy as well.
The treatment of psychiatric conditions in ASD is a severely understudied subject.

>>5403131
Ah, I thought some meds might have a better effect or something and I never heard. Like MAOIs supposedly work a little better in atypical depression than normal.

>>5403059
>lack of identity
>"emotional intelligence" (blanking on better word)
>extreme reactions to abandonment
>seeing psychiatrists since I was 12
>tried most anti-depressants, anti-psychotics
I mean, nothing of this really points more towards ASD or borderline. I'm not saying you have one or the other but as I kind of implied earlier they can be misdiagnosed and look quite similar in adulthood. How about ADHD then? You don't have to answer in any detail but have you experienced any severe trauma such as abuse or neglect?
If temporal lobe epilepsy is a serious alternative why haven't you had an EEG at least during these 4 years? Life of Ameriburger? A TLE can sometimes be surgically cured even if resistant to medication so yes it could have impact on treatment.

>Placebo effect doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility
There have been sham studies showing efficacy. Also remember, that ECT is one of few things that can be given without consent for life-threatening conditions, in the entire world of medicine - and in those cares sham studies would probably be considered unethical (extremely severe depression, and some other psychiatric conditions). We know that for some, it truly has a strong effect.

>the possibility that I'd feel more hopeless
Yeah, it's a very understandable fear, that also shows that in you some sort of hope is still there.
You're coming here in desperation, but is there anything else but ECT that you have thought of as an option regarding treatment, that you haven't mentioned? Drugs or therapy, living situation or socially, etc?

>>5403381
I can talk to my psychiatrist about reassessing my diagnosis. I have had MRIs and EEGs done and I wasn't diagnosed so-

As for the rest, I guess I'm mainly just afraid of ECT. I can't think of any alternative. I do feel significantly better when I drink (a lot) but my psychiatrist had me get sober and I have been for a while. i was doing reckless things under the influence. No withdrawals/addiction in my opinion and I wouldn't say I had a problem. I drank it almost medicinally. By a lot I mean like half a liter of straight vodka

No weight problem, exercise semi-regularly (i didn't feel better when it was regularly), and well maintained diet. I can "fake" my way through conversations pretty easily (as in pretend to be happy) and usually have a line of guys I could date in a call- which I haven't done for a year or so because suicide attempts, in-patient therapy, etc. live alone, no family near me

ADHD is something I've thought about but I've abused adderall and other prescription drugs before (not right now - past bf had rx). I don't think I have ADHD