>Fap >Still want to be a girl

Iktf
My dysphoria didn't really come from my dick, I'm pretty neutral on it. But then when I finish fapping I feel awful because I'm scared that fapping discredits me from being trans.

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>Think that fapping will take my mind off boys and stuff if I'm distracted
>Fap
>Just feel really lonely and miserable after
>tfw no bf
>Get distracted by how desperate I am and start being super critical of myself and loathe myself for a while for having normal human desires
Welcome to the wild ride.

Well at least you don't have one symptom of agp

That means you are trutrans.

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>be tranny in the closet
>mfw my mom calls me a handsome young man

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>>5353391
Why me?

>>5353428
Oh fuck
> parents always call me a wonderful young man
>mfw my mom mentions my broad shoulders and facial hair
>mfw got a birthday card from one of my parents and the front of the card just said "SON"
>mfw my mom talks about the one trans girl we know, and how being happy with yourself even if it means HRT and such is important
My parents are the nicest people in the world but I feel like I just can't tell them

>>5353451
tell them anon..

>>5353335

Why do you want to be a girl?

>>5353451
every time

>>5353455
But I'm built like a football lineman, there's no way they'd take me seriously. I don't think most people would take me seriously besides my therapist and my best friend. My plan is to wait till I graduate and have a paying job in a year before doing HRT stuff, and just try to lose weight and look more feminine until then. Also I need to make a list of people to tell one I'm completely comfortable with it, and I'm pretty sure my parents would be last on that list just so I have other forms of support in case things go badly coming out to them
>tfw they don't even know I'm bi and I've vehemently denied being gay or bi to them

>>5353335
>finish fapping to trap/twink porn
>regret

>>5353481
good luck..

>want to fap
>horny as fuck
>feels awful
>ok I'll do it, but only anal
>can't come without touching it
>but I want to come
>I came
>cryalot.jpg

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>>5353335
>fap
>Still want to fap

I'm addicted to my dick

>>5353483
that just sounds like internalized homophobia

>>5353469
Here is the story, please help me I am so confused
>AGP fantasies since I was a kid
>In day to day life had crushes on girls only
>Teen years, autism shows, no girls interested but found out about hookers
>Was fun the first few times but quickly got boring, only kept going because lonely
>Always been obsessed with hair and skincare
>Love bright colours, find men's clothing bland
>Apart from that still feel male and pursue women only
>Super sperg in university, drop out, convince myself I'll never have a gf and try to force myself to stop being into women
>Met and sucked the dick of one guy for unrelated AGP reasons while at university. it was fun but he wanted to cuddle afterwards and I wasn't too into that
>Took antidepressants, finally get wish of no interest in women
>AGP feelings take over life
>Now I feel like girl in day to day life not just fapping, actually checking out women's tops on Boohoo.com right now.
>Love my feminine features, dislike my male features
>Started spiro, gonna get a klienfelters test because I've long suspected it and it would make a great excuse anyway
I dunno what to make of this, Was I maladjusted as a male because my mind is too feminine or am I a normal male whose autistic failures has twisted into becoming his own gf? If I was emotionally attracted to men I'd totally transition, that is the major sticking point.
I''l tl;dr it
>Reasons for being trans, been AGP for most of my life, actually like looking like a feminine low-test boy which is what I look like, find sex with women boring, ambivalent about having breasts and vagina, like feminine pampering, think their clothes are more stylish
>Reason for not being trans, it was just AGP feelings till my life crisis, ambivalent about having breasts and vagina, no emotional attraction to men, tons of male techy interests

So yeah I win the award for most fucked in the head person on /lgbt/.

>>5353683
TRANS
R
A
N
S

>>5353451
>>5353428
It's a sign that you look more man then female, take the hint and don't transition unless you want to be a hon.

>>5353683
There's no such thing as AGP. It's outdated terminology. The phenomenology of AGP is just normal sexuality of female individuals.

>>5353683
>In day to day life had crushes on girls only
Society tells guys to be attracted to and lavish attention upon women. Most guys are straight only because they're raised to repress their bisexual potential.
>Super sperg in university, drop out, convince myself I'll never have a gf and try to force myself to stop being into women.
Again, repressed gay feelings
>Met and sucked the dick of one guy for unrelated AGP reasons while at university. it was fun but he wanted to cuddle afterwards and I wasn't too into that
How does one suck dick in an AGP fashion? AGP aren't attracted to men.
>Took antidepressants, finally get wish of no interest in women
So you rid yourself of the hetero disease.
>Love my feminine features, dislike my male features
Sounds normal if you're trans
>actually like looking like a feminine low-test boy which is what I look like,
Have you considered you might just be a fem guy?
>find sex with women boring
Nohomo tho
>ambivalent about having breasts and vagina
Again, possibly just a feminine guy
>no emotional attraction to men
It can happen with time. I wasn't interested in relationships with men at first either. But it was more a product of my upbringing than a true lack of desire.
>tons of male techy interests
You and literally every 20 something tranny programmer on this board.

> try to cope with dysphoria by fapping to traps
> doesn't work
> too scared to go out and buy clothes to try and comfort me
> get someone else to force me to do it by saying I'll be their sissy or some shit like that and not bringing up the trans stuff
>tfw have the clothes but I just feel worse now
>tfw I've done that with multiple guys and I'm too afraid to stop messaging them or admit what the real reason behind it is
>tfw all I really want is to be a girl and have a normal relationship with a guy and live a normal, quiet life, not be some fetishistic parody of a girl that only chasers like, but still be a guy to everyone, and whore myself out online
God I'm fucked up

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>High sex drive
>Jerk off
>Feels great for about 5 mins
>Realize I can't come
>Can't stand the blue balls feeling so really put in that extra effort
>Dys comes back
>Feelings about being a man reach their peak, dat stupid flat chest, deese stupid big muscles, dis stupid big dick
>Come and feel like shit for the rest of the night

>>5353874
Start taking AAs - you won't need fap any more.

>>5353719
>>5353719
>tons of male techy interests
You and literally every 20 something tranny programmer on this board

I find it striking how many mtfs are into tech. The correlation is absolutely striking to me sometimes. I consider myself heavily invested in STEM as well and wish to transition. I think it is a knowledge of biology that really triggers it. All amab are basically transmen anyways so why can't we go back? Pray to our lord in Cambridge, CRISPR.

>>5353678
Internalized homophobia is the only thing keeping the gay community from completely self destructing

>>5353988
That's because most of you are transhumanists that just haven't found out there's a name for it yet.

>>5353709
>female individuals
But the difference is that those are actually women, not men in dresses anon

>>5353719
This post just crushed my soul. My entire life has been a lie, liking women, being a man it was all bullshit according to you. Im actually crying right now. Oh well the only good side to this is that there is no feminist conspiracy against me like what /r9k/ was telling me. Im just a repressed feminine faggot

>>5353335
>>5353428

>In the bathroom, adjusting my hair
>Dad comes in to brush his
>I decide to leave once I've straightened my hair a bit
>He tells me, "You're so handsome you get attention from girls and you don't even realize it"
>I'm actually very aware of the attention I get from girls
>The only one not noticing the truth is my dad

>>5353988
>I find it striking how many mtfs are into tech.
I don't. Most MtF I've met were turbonerds before transitioning. A handful were /fit/, but even the ones who started off gay were largely nerds of some kind. I think a lot of MtF grow up with social anxiety and other issues due to what they're dealing with internally, as well as how people treat them externally as feminine men. As a result, many develop solitary interests and hobbies and don't like interacting with people.

>>5354011
Also this.

>>5353692

While you may be correct, that isn't always the case. Someone who looks good after transition usually looked good before transition. I was pretty attractive before, and I'm very passing and attractive now, 7 years into hormones. It just depends on how masculine your bone structure is - a man can be attractive without having an overly masculine bone structure.

>>5354130
This makes it harder to break it to my family, they just think I'm a misfit dork.

>>5353805
start hormones

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>fap
>have to not think about my cock or to think about stroking someone else's cock

Is it possible to take delusion to this level, I really don't want to be a tranny

>>5354325
I fapped to riding cocks since I was 10 and never enjoyed sex with women yet I still to this day wont admit I am gay. Denial is a strong force.

>>5354676
well I didn't start liking cock until just 2 years ago, still a virgin, and it only consciously occured to me 3 months ago that the idea of being a girl during sex felt right. I'm 22 for the record and very uncertain about all of this... All I know for sure is I never found any comfort in the idea of being a guy in a relationship.

Yeah, fuck denial.

>>5354745
Are you going to transition?

>>5354919
I can't tell until I've sorted my shit out with a therapist first. I can't 100% say that having felt uncomfortable with my gender since forever isn't just a combination of non-conformism and massively low self-esteem as a result of bullying. I know I would rather be a girl, but I have a big thick wall of stoicism and pride towards myself and others to deal with, let alone the hardship of actually transitioning.

>>5353805
>not be some fetishistic parody of a girl that only chasers like, but still be a guy to everyone, and whore myself out online

This is all I want for myself and I'm hormones too.

>>5353481
Anon let me tell you something

If you have to deny it, they already know

>>5353335
well, girls can fap too
If they have penises
what is the problem?

>>5355266
>girl
>penis

There's the problem.

>>5354309
I'm shooting for this summer to get hormones if things work out.

>>5355052
Same here, not sure if tru-trans or just a complete loser of a man with an escapist fantasy. Either way Id happily jump ship if I could form relationships with men but my emotional attraction to women is what keeps me on the sinking ship that is my male life. Ive been agonizing over this for a week and it really seems like suicide is the only solution.

>>5355936
Where can i find cute girly boy to love?

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>spent day splitting wood with father and his friend
>father's friend talks about how manly and masculine I am
>how I'm not like his kid who is my age, who is a sissy and likes pink shit and is probably gay
>go home and do thing I've done dozens of times
>"im just agp, i'll jerk off and the feelings will go away"
>jerk off
>feelings don't go away

At least I'll never transition and be a fag and disappoint my family, right ?

>>5355953
depends where you live

>>5356056

Get in contact with your father's friend son and discuss queer shit with him.

>>5356695
I've never met him and I'm also very bad at socially interacting. And I don't know why I would want to talk to him.

>>5353335
>tfw you will always be a tranny
>tfw you will never get pregnant
>tfw no one will ever love you and breed a swarm of children with you that love you unconditionally

>>5353428
this and my old name, but I've been out and on HRT for a year, legally changed my name and sex on all of my legal documents, and I'm literally a week pre-op FFS

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>>5356757
forgot image

>>5356699
>And I don't know why I would want to talk to him.

Because you're both under the pressure of your masculine, patriarchy enforcing fathers.

Duh dude.

>>5356056
What is apg?
Also what is hon?

>>5353982
this

enjoy losing the sex drive but being miserably lonely instead

>>5353428
>>5353451
>>5354090
Why parents are always so blind?

>>5356056
Ask him what is wrong with being a sissy

>>5358016

Have you been on tumblr? All sissy stuff is another form of kekoldry.

>oh cum on my face daddy
>bois make the best girls
>I need BBC in my life

What isn't wrong with being a sissy.

>>5358499
yeah but that is sissy fetish. When normies say sissy they mean a guy who owns a pink shirt.

>>5358499
yeah I didn't mean sissy as in fetish shit I mean sissy as in feminine and sort of prissy

which is how I used to act until I got told to stop acting like a faggot

>>5353709
AGP is literally real because I have it you mong

>>5360908
What is apg?

>>5361636
autogynephilia - basically sexual attraction to the idea of yourself being a woman. anatomic, social, or ...
it's different from transvestic fetishism because it's not focused on clothing

>>5362597
Thanks

>>5362919
It is what you have, you disgusting pervertred faggot

>>5362982
Fuck you, I was just asking what it meant .

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>>5353335
>no matter what you will never be 100%

>>5363312
trans girls are just as much girls as cis girl ;^)

>>5363312
100% of my problem is being an uggo, not necessarily being male. I don't want to be cis and have to deal with vagina problems. I just want to be pretty and have a qt bf who loves me.

OP here I finally told my therapist. I said that Im a school-shooter glorifying NEET shut-in who is an angry bitter male that thought everyone hated me because I'm an autist but it was likely because I dont fit the male role because since embracing femininity I have become much happier and productive. I think I overwhelmed her. Should I ask my GP for a gender therapist? Will the GP take me seriously?