best stolen valor stories?

>>35067258

After I got out of the Marines I was working at Mcdonalds when some fatass walks in claiming to be a vet but no ID. I asked him what he did and he says "I drove the truck! beep beep!" as he made a steering wheel motion with his hands. His car was missing it's front fender and double parked. I didn't believe him but I gave him his free mcflurry anyway. I then wanted a free mcflurry and my boss told me employees don't get discounts. This was when I was reconsidering my sports medicine degree.

>>35067258
visit This Aint Hell for good stories

>>35067371
Fake Im a McDonald's fag and we get discounts

>>35067258
>For some reason theyre fascinating to me as a poolie.

Because only boots and proto-boots give a fuck. Most of the "stolen valor" bullshit likely involves some kind of mental/emotional issue with an underlying cause. And about half the time some faggot ass boot tries to do something about a "stolen valor" case they end up harassing a fucking Korea or Vietnam vet because the USMC and Army didn't exist before the boot got here.

>>35067454
Not him, but not all franchises follow the same rules.

He could've worked for an asshole franchise owner.

>>35067454
McDonald's is a franchise. Different owners can have different policies.

>>35067258
I'm so glad I joined the army, army infantry skip the whole motivated boot phase and are just incompetent for a while.

>Also marine poolies are the fucking worst.
>I was waiting for my flight to benning alone with my little manila folder in street clothes
> these 20 fags rolls up with their folders and marine shirts (earned never given)
>being a normal person I go to talk to them.
>"So yal are marines, cool"
>"Yeah" look at me like I'm stupid
>"Well I'm the army going to ft. benning muh grandfather was a marine"
>We'll we are marines, so I shut up and look at my phone I guess
>after a while try again with "what job do you guys have?"
>the better then you facade cracks "motor pool, finance, aviation."
>I say a bit too loudly so all 20 hear "are none of you guys infantry like me?"
>they are visibly uncomfortable
>One of them in the back comes up and says he is.
>we bro fist and call them fucking pogues. then we hang out for a bit and shoot the shit.

are all pogues autistic?

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>>35067258
>Be me
>Just graduated and wanted to take a trip somewhere nice
>Pick Pennsylvania as a nice place to visit
>Notice a bunch of poorly dressed middle aged men wearing the colors of our proud army
>Some are too distracted to hold their muskets right because they're chatting away on some metallic slabs of glass
>Poorly groomed facials hair and marching mishaps are seen often

mfw I found an entire army of stolen valor.

>>35067837

It's POG, doofus. It's an acronym.

>>35067371
>im a vet working at mcdonalds
This is a true story

>>35067930
both are fine.

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>>35067958
This was also my first thought

t. Current Walgreens Cashier, former Abrams Armor Crewman 19k WARFIGHT BROTHERHOOD #callthesuicidehotlineorallyourracemixingbattlebuddiesbeforeyoukillyourself

>>35067986

This image is so true it makes me angrier than usual.

>Tyrone and I had the same mortar shot at us inna 'Stan!
>He muh brother! Closer than blood!
>Tyrone: Mufuggin bix nood da do wop finna ey yo where da crack n white wimmens at i wuz a muhreen n shiet

>>35067972
POG
Person Other (than) Grunt

Pogues
Peron Other (than) Grunt u e s?

>>35068010
you've never heard of the band the pogues? its cause they sound the same it's not an acronym you autist

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>>35068007
Nigger soldiers were the worst

>shit cooks
>shit fuelers
>shit supply
>shit truck drivers
>shit S1
>shit everything
>dangerous combat arms

same for women

>>35068040
because you were such a tier 1 oper8tor right anon

>>35068059

Shut up Tyrone. And give back the computer you stole.

>>35068064
>And give back the computer you stole.
make me :)

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>not even ever in the service
>new guy interviews at work as a security guard
>he's in full military garb with a red beret and a sniper/skull patch on his shoulder
>he gets hired of course
>first day he says he was a sniper and an armorer
>says he went to both Iraq and Afghanistan back to back
>says he carried a his dads s&w 5900 because his base commander gave him permission

Idk it all sounded like uppity bullshit he also got fired for showing up at a domestic abuse scene with a police scanner and telling the local PD he was a cop

>>35068059
no, but at least I did my job, unlike every nigger and woman I met in the military

>>35068095
>telling the local PD he was a cop
obvious full-life LARPer

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W0LdnTeRY2g

Best one.

>wear military-inspired goth clothes
>open carry
>mix of band, /k/, and USAF patches from father
>get asked by some people what PMC or org I'm with
>explain that I'm just a dumb edgy kid who just contracts with DoD for computers
>they happily share operator stories and talk about guns and the military
>no one is mad
Idk why people would pretend to be military when you can just be a clear military fan and make friends with combat dudes

>>35068095
> telling the local PD he was a cop
But why? You'd have to be retarded to not realize lying that much at every opportunity would bite you in the ass. Don't they ever learn?

I used to have to deal with this guy when calling in PC hardware faults to Dell
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Mcilwraith

Totally bonkers

>>35068269
>military inspired goth clothes
Post pics of what that looks like

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>>35068383

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>>35067986
>marines
>full of white trash and minorities
>deployed to the middle east just so they can kill people or sat at base doing janitorial work
>too stupid to choose another MOS
>marines and family members of marines treat them like some great heroes who defended against Islamic Chinese robots that tried invading America

>>35067258
Met a guy who said he was ATF while walking my dog. The dog and I made it home so I doubt he was legit.

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>>35067371
>>35067454
stolen mc donalds valor?

>>35067928
PA has the highest ammount of vets of any state, fun fact

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>>35068040
not all black cooks are bad

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>>35068354

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>>35068518

>>35068601
>>35068639
You tried, but you still aren't the good guy here

>>35067371
He seems to have the mental faculties necessary for Motor-T

>>35068745
Oh?

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>>35068601
>We met on a foreskin. Restoration forum

>>35068621
"When Alan McIlwraith told charity workers he was an ennobled and decorated war hero, they were more than happy to invite him to their awards ceremony.

If, that night, the former servicemen's uniform looked a little too big and his medals a bit askew, no one thought it proper to comment. After all, Captain Sir Alan McIlwraith, KBE DSO MC, said he had seen active service in Afghanistan, Sierra Leone, Kosovo and Northern Ireland. Indeed, his entry in the online encyclopaedia Wikipedia made his international standing clear.

"Capt McIlwraith is known throughout the military world as a man that can get things done and is thought of as a hero that the UN and Nato can look to in times of trouble," it read.
Guardian Today: the headlines, the analysis, the debate - sent direct to you
Read more

Except that when Mr McIlwraith was not sipping champagne at charity galas, he had a more mundane occupation - as a call centre worker. Even at work, Mr McIlwraith kept up the pretence: his nametag read Sir Alan. Yet the closest he had been to active service was getting the drinks from the coffee machine."

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2006/apr/12/military.gerardseenan

I got accused of stolen valor for wearing my Ranger tab while serving with the National Guard.

>>35068842

This right here is why I'll never see stolen valor as a crime.

All it takes is civies taking even the most mundane of common sense checks OR not be virtue signallers who invite "war heros" they dont know or have never met to their stuffed shirt parties.

>>35068958
Story

>>35068095
Wearing your beret at a civilian job interview is the first red flag. No one in their right mind would think that wearing a hat means you get the job.

>>35068601
Did the foreskin restoration work?

>>35069603
Not much of a story.

Some wannabe who knew what a Ranger is and that the 116th Infantry is a National Guard unit, but not that the tab just means you passed Ranger School decided to call me out.

>>35068229
I think she has some kind of mental illness.

>>35068470
>family members of marines treat them like some great heroes who defended against Islamic Chinese robots that tried invading America

Top kek reminds me of a story

>be me
>get medically evacuated and discharged
>finally at home with all the family
>my cousin starts trash talking
>hurr in the marines we didnt get hurt
>durr the marines are tougher we wouldnt take a discharge
>my grandma starts kissing his ass and talking about his time in the marines
>my grandpa snaps
>anon was in iraq where the war was, he was on a base way over here mopping floors and fucking around on his wife until the marines booted him out for doing pain pills
>everyone goes quiet

>>35070942
Kek.
So are you white trash or Mexican?

>>35067258
Good resource here https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/forums/waltenkommando.192/

>>35071431
White trash. Well my family is anyway. Im the only one that hasnt got hooked on pain pills and molested their own kids anyway.

>>35068059
It's true they are garbage. They are onetime being late from filing a fake EO complaint and ruining careers. An guess who all the E.O. reps are fucking nogs.

>>35068589
Next in the hollywood fantasy section.

>>35067371
>I asked him what he did and he says "I drove the truck! beep beep!"
oh he was a marine alright

>>35068842
>Yet the closest he had been to active service was getting the drinks from the coffee machine.

Proof that no one beats the British when it comes to comedy.

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>>35071615
he was based off a guy named Doris Miller, the first black guy to get the navy cross, his post was destroyed, he got called up to the destroyed bridge to help move the captan who was injured, then he took over an AA gun till it ran out of ammo, then went back to the bridge and picked up and carred the captan again to a diffrent spot.

i hate niggers too bro, but hes not one, hes a proud navy man and we could do with a lot more like him.

i mean look at the shit we got to deal with today

>>35068007
>bix nood
I lose it every time.

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>>35068565

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>>35067258
Why are burgers so proud of being in the military to the extent that some morons dress up like soldiers? That sounds like a cult. All that "Thank you for your service, sir" is all bullshit from the 40s and 50s WW2 and Korean War respectively where chances where you'll actually get KIA'd or wounded. Look at the countries like Israel, Finland, Russia or Germany before 2011 where the majority of men have served as conscripts. There is no cult of the military service. It is just regarded that if you did not serve you are either ill or part of the academia or just a pussy. What should one be proud of? You lose a year of your life following some moron's orders. The food is shit. You are surrounded with horny young idiots who constantly talk about buttfucking or the stories from places they come from. They brainwash you every day and force you to conduct hard physical work or exercise for no fucking reason. And you only shoot so much during the service being plagued by boredom and apathy most of the time. And after you're finally done with it some people tell you "Thank you", well fuck you, I want a year of my life back and I want to forget that I was a part of this horrible violent machine.

>>35075863
Pentagon efforts in the early 2000''s to drum up support for Iraq

>>35071564
Soooo..... you were the molested kid?

>>35070942
>>get medically evacuated and discharged

What happened?

>>35068544
Umm... Stop posting my wife please.

>>35067454
why do you admit to being a bottomfeeder.

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>>35068419

>>35075863

If you don't suck the big green weenie you hate America.

Duh.

>Can't think of a single vet I know who likes to hear "thanks for your service"

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>>35068842
>Mcilwraith created a Wikipedia article about himself

"Captain Sir Alan Mcilwraith, CBE, DSO, MC (born 03 March 1978) is a British army officer, currently serving with the Scottish TA. Special Force's Force's [sic] Trained Capt Mcilwraith is know throught [sic] the military world as a man that can get things done and thought of as a hero that the United Kingdom and NATO can look to in times of trouble.

Mcilwraith's father was an Engineer. Mcilwraith went to Shawlands Academy, in 1994 he went to Glasgow University. Mcilwraith was commissioned into the Parachute Regiment aged 18 finishing top in his class at Sandhurst Military Academy , specialising in the threat from Terrorism. Serveing [sic] in Northern Ireland,he spent two years commanding a parachute company in Northern Ireland, and later the Balkans.

In 2000s, Mcilwraith served in the NATO chain of command as an Advisor to the Supreme Allied Commander Europe, General Wesley Clark.He is best known for risking his own life when his company was attaked [sic] by a battalion to protect his men he took charge of a general purpose machine gun and held off the enemy long enough for his men to retreat. For this action he was awared [sic] the DSO. He was also badly injured protecting a young woman from an angry mob without any weapons to hand he placed himself between the young woman and mob this act of heroism made him a hit within the political world. There have been rumours that Mcilwraith stop a act of terrorism in the heart of London but these rumours are denied by both the British Goverment [sic] and Capt Mcilwraith alike however he was awared [sic] the CBE for services to the United Kingdom

Very few Photos of Capt Mcilwraith are in circulation he is very camera shy but a splendid soldier says General Mike Jackson Chief of the General Staff."