Battle to the Death

>>35036788
better question:
Is James hitting the nose candy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH9PwbLsSm4

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>>35036788
>unlimited supply of food
>immune to any poison
>pen flares
There's no question, Steve will get ian out on a tray

Ian has a massive arsenal at his disposal but his only rations are Sho-ka-kola and fish kock. Steve is nogunz as far as I can tell but his stomach of steel will allow him to survive much longer in the wild.

>>35036788

Ian is a metalhead who plays bagpipes, he gets the win.

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Repost from another "vs" thread. If Steve can take out Matt, then Ian has no chance to survive make your time.

>>35037353
nice

>>35037215
>Shoots pen flare into the sky
>pauses
>NICE

>>35036788
Steve:
>cast iron stomach
>huge food supply
>high fitness level to carry food and run for days

Ian:
>knows about every oddball gun
>friends with Red Jacket firearms owner so huge access to top quality firearms and accessories including 1000m AK.
>DYEL - can only carry light weapons and little ammo


Conclusion(s):

1. Weaponless Steve has to dodge a few 1000m shots from the Red Jacket AK but with the aid of Scho-Ka-Kola, Steve runs until Ian dies from starvation and exhaustion.

2. Steve sacrifices his dinner to set a trap. Leaves can of mushroom soup from 1936 and one of 391 extra P38 can openers in a clearing. DYEL Ian, so tired and skelly, finds it and ravenously tears into the "soup." Later dies from botulism.

>>35036788
Instead of them fighting i'd love to hear what kind of conversations they would have about military history.
>cue accusations of anon being a spineless libtard cuck fagget

>>35036788
Ian looks like the kind of guy who has never been in a fight

This is how I see the conflict

>Ian sits in his self-sufficient desert home trying to open a dusty crate with French markings that hasn't seen the light of day since 1913
>His feminine arms and ass cannot summon the power to pry the ancient wood apart.
>As if by cue a polite knock at the door echoes through the house
>Before Ian can answer the door it is opened in less than 30 seconds by a P-38 can opener
>As the door falls to the floor a muscular man stands in the doorway and says to no one in particular "Nice hiss"
>A muscular form stands in the doorway and Ian looks up and drops his jaw as his silky hair is blown away by even silkier hair.
>Steve strides in with an armful of guns and drops a Mateba, WA-2000, Pancor Jackhammer, and a Gyrojet on Ians table.
>Ian stammers "I thought these were forgotten."
>Steve replies "So was this" and throws a 10,000 b.c. flight ration from Burkina Faso on the table
>Ian stand and says "I will never forget you"
>They embrace and begin to kiss
>Steve breaks away for moment from the passionate embrace just to say "Is it rancid? Mmmm, no it's still good. Slight undertones of cosmoline"
>Ian swoons in his muscular arms and says that Steve has been the first man in his life since john moses browning.
>They execute Karl behind the shed together and ride off into the sunset on a rocket fueled by botulism and out of battery accidental discharges.

The end.

>>35037050
Century is paying him in coke.

>>35038820
you're a spineless libtard cuck faggot

but that would be cool though

>>35038961
This is rule 34 we never asked for but nonetheless deserved

>>35039016
That's softcore. I could write something dirtier with MRE spoons and a chauchat if you want.

>>35039041
Alright, bring it on.

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>>35038961

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>>35038961
This is why they don't browse /k/

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>>35039167
good, let us have it all to ourselves

>>35039182
I'm about 60% sure Steve does

>>35039097


>After giving Ian a "38 Minute MRE review" as they say in the gay community he whips him around and gets on his knees to return the favor
>"Let's take a dry pull first" he says and does so
>"It's so much better ages, I don't always smoke cock but when I do it's 50 years old"
>I an groans with pleasure and loads his first snapcap into Steves mouth just to show him how the ejector works.
>Steve swallows and says "Let's get this out onto a tray"
>On bed sheets made of stainless steel with multiple depressions in it he places Ian in the "Main" part of the tray and says "I have to get a taste of this drink mix first"
>He slowly tongues Ian's sweaty exhausted body while explaining how the electrolytes and vitamin B he can taste will sustain him in both combat and sex.
>While the lube is warming in his mess tin he prepares his MRE spoon as Ian gets into the firing position required to properly aim the Chauchat.
>He explains this in extensive detail while Steve stands back wearing cuttoff T-shirt in front of 80's movie posters and slowly cuts into the 1943 US army issue condom along the top with a sharp knife in order to preserve the packaging
>The sex is over a duration of at least 30 minutes while Ian explains the mechanics of it and Steve tries to explain the sensorial experience as mostly "Nice", "Right on", "Unique", and "One of a kind".

>>35039198
thank you sir

>>35037050
Ok bro after watching that I'm pretty sure that dudes on Coke or amphetamines. Iv done Coke a couple times an back when I took vyvance (Amphetamine) I'd talk just like that. Notice how he's forgetting to breath kek. Plus I could totally see James doing some lines before a review.

>>35037238
>fish kock

Lol

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>>35039198
Man, I love this place.

>>35038976
Pretty sure he uses meth but either way he is abusing stimulants IMO/IME.

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>opens can

*Sniffs* "Uaagh, that smells like botulism"

>gets on protective mask

"yeah this WW2 ration can of marinated jap-assholes sitting out in the sun all those decades is probably not good any longer"

>scoops up a heaping spoonful

just look at that, you can literally see the rot and fungus

>eats the spoonful

uuaggh

>chews tenderly and swallows

"yupp, definitely got a case of the ol' botch'

>>35038651
>Red Jacket Firearms
>High Quality
Kek

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>>35038961

>>35040221
Is this fuckin death grips black guy?

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>>35040913
>death grips black guy

>>35037238
Steve is trying to get his rights back...felony...blah blah child and pissed of baby momma

>>35040979
What, really?

You'd best give a source for such remarks.

>>35041024
I cant make it too easy for you fuckers. Doxxing is an art.

Google this real name + his state + "Judiciary" it should give you the leads you are looking for.

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>>35037238
Steve ain't nogunz.

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>>35037050
I mean he used to do porn so it is quite possible that he was introduced to it then.

>>35041033
I call bs.

Steve Thomas
Lakeland Florida
No Felony Arrest Record Found.

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>>35039198
8/10

>>35039198
>you will never see Ian naked
>you will never see him exhausted from half an hour of constant prostate orgasm
>you will never see him farting shitty cum bubbles on a comically oversized food tray

life is pain.

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>>35036788
>Steve stalks Ian for 12 hours through the desert.
>Disables Ian's AK with a fistful of mud and kills him in CQB with his P-38 can spanner
>Removes his liver and plops it onto a tray
>"Nice".

>>35036788
>win
Ian at least fucking practices with firearms.
No, he's not amazing by any standard, but he's probably a better shot than the average kommando.

Then again I'm not a fan of Steve, so...
I wouldn't know what kind of practice the guy has.