Aim small miss small:

>>34984530
>Use a condom till you're at least 18.
>Use a condom
fixed that for you.

when the war comes, and trust me it will, tripfag, condoms will be the least of your worries

>>34984485
never waste an erection.

>>34984485
were you standing in front of a toilet when he said this?

Don't worry, I'm tracking. I've upheld the long held k tradition of not getting laid for years. Also sorry on the tripfag shit, posting on mobile and have no idea how the fuck to turn this on or off

>>34984485
Hold my beer, and watch this
.I am your dad /k/.

>Pull out before it comes out

Great-grandpa taught me that. Never knew my father. :(

Also, one of the best movies of all time, fuck the Redcoats.

>>34984645
No one has ever said this irl

>>34984666
This ain't real life.

>>34984695
Oh?

>>34984485
Quit being a faggot, faggot.

don't be a shitbag

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>>34984704
Not according to my calculations. Mr. Data agrees.

>>34984723
bretty gud

>>34984723

On the same note: don't bring a nigger to this house.

Applied for both the men and women of the family.

>>34984485
No one is going to help you.

>>34984663
>>Pull out before it comes out
>implying that actually works

>>34984878
>no one is going to help you

this is incredibly important for men. Especially white men

>>34984485
Me: Would you kick a man when he was down?
Dad: Hell yes. What the fuck you think I knocked him down for?

>>34984925
It didn't help me until I became an actual man. When he started saying that in my teens through my early 20s, I really resented it, but now I know it's about the best advice a man can have on taking care of oneself and never giving in to feeling victimized.

>>34985055
It's why I own guns desu

>>34984485

The three rules of old men
1: Never trust a fart
2: Never pass up the opportunity to take a piss
3: Never waste an erection

The two rules for young unmarried men:
1: Always use a condom
2: If it seems like a great idea to propose, give it 6 months, if it is still seems great, give it another 6 months. If you still think she's the one, she might be.

The one rule for older unmarried men or confirmed bachelors:
1: Always use a condom
2: Get a vasectomy (but keep it a secret)
3: If you really want to pull the trigger, delay as shown above, and get a pre-nup (you have to have assets for this).

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120KB, 353x465px

>>34984485
Me: I hate cops
Pop: Next time you need help call a Cop and a Hippie and see who comes to save your ass

In life you need to carry your own water.

GOD hates weakness just look around at the natural world. Don't be a pussy son.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ChZN8SDbwo

>>34984562
condoms are actually part of a civial kit

it can do many things like start a fire

collect water

it can be used to cover to barrels to keep dirt out of your rifle

it can also be used to make ballon animals when moral is low

>>34984485
dad was in the military his advice

>if you keep getting raped put chili in your anus it will fuck up the officer

>keep a secret stash of cash in your body ie in your sock if you get mugged you will have money to get back home

>always wear a belt it can be used for many things like a improvised weapon to carry stuff etc

My dad taught me that talking like Donald duck attracts squirrels, works every time. You have to do it well tho

>>34984485
Son, you came out of my balls.

>>34985609
And emergency exit bag when things are really low.

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>>34985609
>used to make ballon animals when moral is low

Boy, with the help of a few good buddies those condoms can be used to raise morale a hell of a lot more than balloon animals would.

>>34984878
I've been doing this four like five years now. It works great.

>>34988737
Whoops 4, my math was off.

the best advice my father gave me:
"Do everything good. If you're going to screw up, screw up good!"

>>34984485
The Lord hates a coward. Now drive really, really close behind those motorcyclists

>>34984878
According to studies, just as effective as a condom, as long as you do pull out as soon as you start feeling an orgasm building up.

Sucks because most orgasms are kind of ruined due to it, need to handle it fast and shove it down her mouth.

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>>34987244
sorry for what

>>34988790
This. Those are the best blowjobs.

>>34985335
>Next time you need help call a Cop and a Hippie and see who comes to save your ass
Oh please. When was the last time a cop actually helped you? They just hassle everyone nowadays.

>>34984485
Exploring the world and its wonders is over if you can't be assed to wrap your cock in a condom - either by your dick rotting off or the responsibility of raising a child.

The only person you can ever rely on is yourself so look out for number 1 before someone turns your life into number 2.

>>34985335
Police is generally called AFTER the fact.

t. ex-cop

>>34984485
Fuck those oven dodging kikes

-Mel Gibson

>>34988737
>>34988790
Well, according to MY studies, it doesn't work that great.

t. knocked a woman up once while depending on the pull out method

>>34988825
>When was the last time a cop actually helped you?
One recently let me know I had a burnt out headlight and he didn't ticket me. They've also came and helped me get my keys out of my car when I've accidentally locked them in.

>>34984592
Never trust a fart