Sleep tight, little one

pee on him

surprise buttsex

>>34821869
The night was filled with dark and cold,
When Sergeant Talbert the story’s told,
Pulled out his poncho and headed out,
To check the lines dressed like a Kraut.

Upon a trooper our hero came,
Fast asleep; he called his name.
“Smith, oh Smith, get up, it’s time
To take your turn out on the line.”

Private Smith, so very weary,
Cracked an eye, all red and bleary,
Grabbed his rifle and did not tarry,
Hearing Floyd, but seeing Gerry.

“It’s me!” cried Tab. “Don’t do it!” and yet,
Smith charged toute de suite with bayonet.
He lunged, he thrust, both high and low,
And skeweth the boy from Kokomo.

And as they carried him away,
Our punctured hero was heard to say,
“When in this war you venture out,
best never do it dressed as a Kraut!”

File: sentry.jpg (13KB, 852x480px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 852x480px

>>34821869

>0300
>Hey /k/ wake up, your turn for sentry

How do you respond?

>>34821953
*tactical dab*

>>34821869
Grasp toe of boot through fartsack.
>Your turn on picquet

Many eons ago had a recruit instructor Sgt who was one of last SVN vets, used to play on the 100yd stare etc, slept out field with his kbar held across his chest, similar hardass bullshit to impress gullible young soldiers.
>Sent new recruit Vuoung to wake him for standto...
>MEDIC!!!!

File: hqdefault.jpg (43KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 480x360px

No need to wake him up, he is great for sniper

>>34821953
Whats for breakfast

>>34821953
>being that nice

We would just shake the dude and say "You've got fireguard, bitch! Wake up"

>>34822113
on /k/ we are nice ONLY to other /k/ommandos

>>34822113
I'm nice at first so they don't rape my face off, if they say they'll switch out with me in 5 mins and are late, I'll come back to their shellscrape and kick em

knife him

>>34821869
>asleep
>no one manning key weapons system


Assuming CONUS, yell at private, make everyone push

Assuming in-theatre, quietly whisper-yell at private, make make private pull security in plank position.

>>34822113
Bullies are NOT welcome.

>>34821869
1) take a deep breath
2) get three inches from their ear
3) scream as loud as you can: WERE UNDER ATTACK, MULTIPLE WOUNDED.

>>34823622
Huh?

File: Soldiers sippin.jpg (107KB, 800x791px) Image search: [Google]

107KB, 800x791px

"Here's a coffee and some foo. Your turn for sentry."
and then proceed to join my fellow /k/ommando in sipping a nice coffee and a snack

>>34821869
shine a flashlight at their eyes

>>34821869
CONTACT EAST THREE O CLOCK

>>34822113
>fireguard

REMF cunt detected

>>34822007
>Grasp toe of boot
or foot and gently shake
yup, that's the only way to wake someone up.

File: IMG_2527.jpg (385KB, 2048x1536px) Image search: [Google]

385KB, 2048x1536px

Dude, your turn

>>34823962
/thread
waking up because of light is the best and most natural resources way.

Artillery.

>>34821869
>psst, oi, you're on stag cunt

>>34821869
>CHARLIES ON THE WIRE!

File: wont_be_doing_that_again.gif (980KB, 500x272px) Image search: [Google]

980KB, 500x272px

>>34821869
>come back from an especially kinetic combat deployment
>no training for more than a few months, until we got a boot drop
>out on first training exercise with boots
>lol no senior stands watch because we did our time
>get radio watch anyway because "lol you're up for promotion to CPL"
>instantly become uneasy because I'm sitting, listening to my friends screaming, here and there
>shit sucks man, had to tell a few about it and embarrassment ensued
but
>every single boot was told to only touch our feet lightly to wake us up if need be
>mushy (nickname of boot) seemed to have forgotten this
>end up having to wrestle one of my friends and watch mushy turn three different shades of red and blue
>friend ends up crying after he realized what happened
>never written down in the log and is forgotten
Mushy ended up being SNM's favorite boot over time
>tfw I've done this to a degree when a coworker decided he wanted to scare me
>hfw he decided to scare a combat marine who became a butcher while he's cutting Sirloin tips

TL;DR
lightly touching the feet and whispering is the go to method if you want to live. scaring someone can be instantly regrettable

File: 1501821188586.gif (2MB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 480x270px

>>34823962
>that guy who would always wrap a cloth around the light so it was softer
It's small things between people that makes life tolerable

>>34821869
>Warm water
>insert /k/ommando's hand
>prepare quick exit

>>34821891
This is the only reasonable answer no homo

>>34822083
Bullets

>>34821953
I say "God fucking damn it" and I put in a dip BEFORE I scratch my balls and taint.

>>34824335
This made me laugh really hard because it reminds me of the good old navy days

>>34824384
It's only gay if the balls touch

>>34821950
im currently reading band of brothers.

>>34827689
It's good to see that someone else got the reference too

Gently slide your arms under his bag, pick him up, and carry him to the line, careful not to wake him.

Then you dump him on the ground and take his sleeping bag so you can have a warm bag to nap in.

File: 1469070825861.jpg (91KB, 640x677px) Image search: [Google]

91KB, 640x677px

>Out in the field for a month of training
>Fifth morning in a row in a patrol base
>TL was this tall lanky motherfucker with a huge nose and always wore these big goggle glasses in the field
>Pre dawn, woke up a bit earlier than necessary
>Nice and warm against some soft soil
>Perfect recipe for morning wood
>Attempt a covert field jack
>TL sidles into my line of sight, inches from my face to wake me up
>Instant blueballs

>ctrl+f "reacharound"
>0 results

Come on, step it up /k/

>>34824192

I call bullshit on this one and all the other stories, unless you there in `Nam.

>>34827981
Would you have preferred he let you finish and then wake you up with full knowlege he would have seen the whole thing?

>>34828041
I can tell you've never been in the military.

>>34821869
Flashbang

>>34821869

Poke them with a stick.

File: 1-28-print.jpg (601KB, 1200x830px) Image search: [Google]

601KB, 1200x830px

>>34821953
>OK, I'll be ready in 5min

>>34824192
>lightly touching the feet and whispering is the go to method if you want to live. scaring someone can be instantly regrettable
This
Not even military. But everytime someone's tried to 'scare' me awake they're met with a haymaker and a groggy 'sorry' from me.

File: 1445935323566.gif (1MB, 360x240px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 360x240px

>>34821869

>>34828032
I take it you never heard of the Sangin valley in afghaniland

Shoot a gun off right next to him. He'll wake up and wonder what this new and exciting sound might be.

File: tactical spooning.jpg (187KB, 900x598px) Image search: [Google]

187KB, 900x598px

Cuddle up behind them in a tactical spooning position and gently wake them up with whispers and cuddling.

No homo.

>>34826947
but i wake up every morning like that

>>34826947
I've done that exactly

'Oi cunt, youre on stag in 5'

>>34830194
of course it would be swedes

>get really close to him
>basically big spooning him
>whisper gently into his ear
>softly brushing my lips against it
>"get your tool ready sweet prince"

>>34821869
suck his dick

File: 0d385fb1e9c5e63ba7ac7062012b0810--military-guys-army-guys.jpg (82KB, 720x540px) Image search: [Google]

82KB, 720x540px

>>34830194
>tfw no /k/ommrades to group cuddle with

File: SmartSelectImage_2017-08-08-15-19-00.png (637KB, 441x1080px) Image search: [Google]

637KB, 441x1080px

>>34830194
>>34832049
That feel :/

>>34832231
not enough mags

>>34828124
anime?

>>34832049
>>34832231
Lets set up a /k/ommando meet up somewhere, we need to get this hug done right. Anyone wanna hug it out in Salt Lake City?

>>34828124
Gib sauce

>>34833053
>>34832723
Its metabee and it literally one scene with his mom joking around. Christ.

File: IMG1784567959.jpg (39KB, 540x960px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 540x960px

>twig snaps

Caм yзнaeшь, бyдeт вpeмя,
Бpaннoe житьe;
Cмeлo вдeнeшь нoгy в cтpeмя
И вoзьмeшь pyжьe.
Я ceдeльцe бoeвoe
Шeлкoм paзoшью...
Cпи, дитя мoe poднoe,
Бaюшки-бaю.

>Begins to grow louder

Бoгaтыpь ты бyдeшь c видy
И кaзaк дyшoй.
Пpoвoжaть тeбя я выйдy —
Tы мaхнeшь pyкoй...

>you hear fluid shift inside a bottle

Cкoлькo гopьких cлeз yкpaдкoй
Я в тy нoчь пpoлью!..
Cпи, мoй aнгeл, тихo, cлaдкo,
Бaюшки-бaю.

>>34821869
put a dab of shaving cream on sleeping soldiers exposed palm. get a length of a small dia stick about 3 ft long. touch stick to forehead or nose of sleeping soldier.

>>34831345
Afghan mountains get fucking cold, dude.

File: patrolling the mojave makes you yadda yadda you know the rest.png (799KB, 760x776px) Image search: [Google]

799KB, 760x776px

>>34821968
its a bit early for a wake and bake, don't you think anon?

>>34833075
>his mom
That's SEXY

>>34833197
I put this in google translate:

> You will understand, be anxious,
The second is to live;
Cmelo dene negy in the tree
And take a pie.
I am the beau bear
Silk pazoshyu ...
Cpi, the child is my mother,
Bayushki-baiyu.

> You'll go and see
And he's a little girl.
I will leave you -
You can smell the pyko ...

> As many as five-year-olds
I'm in the dark by the window! ..
Cpi, my angel, quietly,
Bayushki-baiyu.

>>34833579
so cold you turn gay

>>34833197
Yell out CHEEKI BREEKI at the top of my lungs and open fire

>>34821953
No response, because >>34821869 is just a fake decoy I made

>>34822050
>This is why we need women in the military

>>34832231
That's a marine raider? Why is it that some patches have commando on them and some have special forces and commando?

Also, its a really neat patch.

>>34834574
I don't know why but I laughed extremely hard

>>34834590
Nope. Men can do this better.
>"Anon! Why is your rifle so small?"
>"The army has bigger guns! Bigger than that thing you call a sniper"

File: Ukrainian Hiwi in Waffen-SS uniform.jpg (35KB, 446x700px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 446x700px

>>34821869

>Be spring of 1942.
>Spent 20 hours hopped up on Pertivin and shooting the shit out of Bolsheviks with your new MG-42 and calling in Artillery strikes
>Rotated out back behind the lines for some rest
>Get some much needed rest
>Feel a small, shy nudge
>Grumble and turn to fine Tatyiana, your Ukrainian Hiwi (collaborator) field wife smiling gently for you.
>"Your C.O is organizing a patrol. I am to come as interpreter," she speaks in a thick accent. "You better keep me safe, ja?"

This is why Wehraboos exist. ;_;

File: 1488976252141.gif (1MB, 268x375px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 268x375px

>>34826932

File: 1494592738511.jpg (320KB, 1156x1444px) Image search: [Google]

320KB, 1156x1444px

>>34827900