Meanwhile in medieval /k/...

>>34756999
No

Yae bolts hath been proven inferior to mine arrows which can pierce the plate of a Parisian Knight whenst ye bolts can nether kill even a moor

From whither may a simple peasant procure a longsword befitting a skirmisher?

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Chivalrous armaments hath been eternally BTFO

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Wait, how do so many of you know how to write?

>>34757221
Art thou mistaking mine blood for that of the peasantry?

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>mine face when French armourbuggerers are blown the fuck out at Agincourt

>>34757030
Thine trips demand it peasant. Its practically a royal decree

>>34757171
Ha! Don't be ridiculous, all that thing is, is a glorified Roman Candle! Verily jest teir! Its up there with the pommel jest! No future in warfare!

Alas, it seems /k/ has fallen the Balck Death... Ist any one still here?

>>34757171
Pope pls nerf

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Fair peasants! Mine local arms merchant hath acquired what may be the most magnificent blade ever devised. He hath purchased it from a slant eyed trader who makes claims of the weapons superiority to our western design. Upon its creation the steel from which it was made was folded a legion of times. Tis able to cut through our blades like butter, surely a feat of only the greatest people.

>>34756999

>what good hearted peasant needs a seige crossbow when he is not under arms?

Begging your pardon, my liege, but something of hideous countenance and horrifying stature hath taken up residence in yonder forest. Thrice it hath marauded in our fields and ravaged a maiden where she stood plucking corn.

Siege crossbows were our last hope at slaying this foul beast, verily of course my liege has some other solution?

>>34758894
I too hath laid eyes upon this creature. He looked like you or I, but where our skin is of light color his was dark and filthy. His...member was at least thrice the size of mine too! I stumbled upon him and mine wench fornicating in our bed. Terrified I left for the local inn and have yet to return.

>>34757246
Kek

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>>34756999
I hath recently procured a new hunting bow fromst a destitute widow for 25 crowns. How hath I faired?

>>34759373
this beast sounds verily fearsome indeed

>>34758894
I wouldn't worry about it

>>34759464
i would say your purchase went quite well

Mine longbow is doth crafted from fine hickory, but verily it is but a 50 lb draw. With practice I pray to pick up the 120 lb warbow.

>>34759464
Verily, a good pvrchase! Perchance thou wovld'st allow mineself to handle it?

>>34759511
>120lb warbow
None but those in the service of our liege should wield such a deadly device. I hope he hath the mind to ban such dangerous bows from peasant's hands.

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>>34758894
Fellow, I mayst be mistaken by thine assertion that thine hadst not the prescense of mind to send a rider to the King's court. Surely his majesty assembling a battue to dispatch the foul beast would be fathoms safer than entrusting mighty siege-style weapons to the likes of mere peasants

>>34759519
Mayhaps we shall embark on a merry journey to the adjacent woodlands for a swell time of ale and hunting

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Peasants, all of you. Do you really believe handheld weapons are a match for your majesty's siege weaponry?

>>34759599
Verily, good sir, and I hath seen thine twice-repeated digits! I trvst thov art not a Catholick?

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You mindless twits really don't know good firepower when you see it.

This .70 caliber arquebus is top of the line technology. It can punch through a knight's armor at 50 meters and deliver a lethal shock- and even the stupidest peasant conscript can learn it in around a day or two's practice.

How you people can still prance about with crossbows whining about your precious "faster rate of fire" and "less vulnerability to rain" is beyond me.

>>34759604
A few peasants and their torches shall make short work of such an emplacement under the cover of darkness.

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>>34759604
This man speaks the trvth! >>34759695
Did'st thou learn nothing from the German Peasant's Revolt?

>>34759635
The validity of their beliefs must only be countered with the shameful loss of Agincourt. The Franks truly sicken me

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Pray tell me,

which art the finest caliber of arrowhead? Surely, it can be none other than that of the point 22

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>>34759769
Thov art but a fool if thov think ye can buy thine way into Heaven Eternal, fool Catholick.

>>34759812
>crashing this church
thov hast made me kek on this day, good sir

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>>34759781
Fool! Surely thou musnt believe that a .22 calibre broadhead shall carry enough weight to pierce a Frankish breastplate?

>>34759900
Art thou implying yon arrow head shant richocet of the inards of thine foes breastplate around the body of said knight.

BY THE KING'S NAME! BEWARE OF THOU SAVAGES OF THE LAND THAT BY SHARE BORDERS BY KINGDOM OF FRANCE! YE BE WEARY OF THY NEIGHBOR FROM ACROSS THE BORDER FOR TALES BEEN TOLD OF MIGHTY MEN THAT ARE TALL AS GIANTS! STRONG BY IRON! FEARCE AS HAWKS! RUTHLESS AS THE SCOTS BUT EVEN THE SCOTS COME THY MERE INNOCENT COMPARED TO THESE MONSTERS!

BEWARE OF THY NEIGHBOR FROM THE OTHER SIDE FOR THERE BE TALES OF MEN BEING SLAIN IN HALF ALL FROM ONE SWING OF THEIR LARGE SWORDS THAT STAND AS TALL AS TOWERS! THEY WERE NO ARMOR BUT CLOTHES FOR THEIR LEGS AND GOIN AND THE LANGUAGE IS THE SOUND OF PURE RAGE AND POWER!

HEAR ME THY FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS FOR THEY ARE DANGEROUS!

FOR THEY ARE GERMANS!

>>34760494
>germans

What thou is of this fairytale?

More sounds like thou is but a drunken blasphemy lying soul no?

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Bump

>>34757246
Jolly good show indeed

>>34758803
behead thyself

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>>34756999
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم، كيف وأنت لم يمت من جميع البراز كنت آكل كل يوم!

>>34760494
I myself do not understand thee statement.

Could thy fellow noble men enlighten me on this man's statements please.

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>>34757246
>mfw you still lost the war

>>34760494
Germans are not dangerous folks alright and this man is just an idiot that was born from the lowest peasant farmland that has nothing to do but make up stories because he has nothing to do but roll in pig feces all day. Germans are innocent folks that likes to meet newpeople and drink beer and get along also I hear they are the greatest. You don't have anything to worry aboutGermans at all because they won't attack you on sight, pillage your towns and kingdoms, decapitate you from your lower body from one swings from their giant German blacksmithing swords nor will they go into battles with nothing just clothes on their legs and goin. I wouldn't worry about it.

Bump for god and country!

>>34761683
Mine eyes hath been laid upon one of these foul "Germans"

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>>34756999
You can still procure them at Wall Market!

>>34762054
I heard a legend of a German man by the name 'Pier Gerlofs Donia' that was seven feet tall and beheaded three noble knights with just one swing from his giant sword!

Be very afraid of these men for they show nothing but lust for blood and iron.

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>>34760494

He ain't lying about nothing for I have proof of the Germans with their large swords in action right here on this picture!

Be warn for it is very graphic indeed.

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>year of our lord 1350
>still using 4.5 button arrowheads

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Just signed up for the Crusades.

Any Holy Warriors here?

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>>34762262

So fellow nobles I have thy question about my recent purchase. I was riding my horse along the road til I saw a large tall bearded man carrying a bag of swords so I halted him and asked this gentlemen on who the swords belong to in which he responded in a language that I never heard before. So I asked him to please speak in the English King's language in which seem to have upset him a bit but complied.

"Ze swords are for sell mein friend. Vould you like to buy some of mein swords?"

His accent was very heavy in which I said yes since my longsword has been in rough shape since my last battles against the scots and the french. You would not believe the weapons this gentleman was carrying! It was as if this man had taken these weapons from the giants themselves but considering this man was likely seven feet tall which is an unbelievable thing to ever see anywhere in europe especially in the English King's land! Anyway I spotted this large sword which I could not hold myself from giving into my greed but I felt the urge to acquire this sword so I told him I like to buy that sword.

"Zis one here? Ja mein friend you picked gut veapon! zis ist called ze Zweihänder! Mighty sword built strong by powerful iron und blood! Pure blacksmithing skills here."

So in thy short, I had to pay him large sums of gold but I feel that it was worth it. It is very heavy, my horse couldn't stand with me holding it while riding him so I had to walk on foot by the horse and not to mention I could barely swing it with two of my hands and god forbid if I try it one hand.

So my fellow noble friends, how did I do on my purchase? Pic related is thy large sword I got from the large man on the road.

>>34762320
Thou doone goofed. Prepare to perish for the (((Outremer))) kingdoms.

>>34762363
Sorry I meant to respond to this man here>>34756999

>>34762363
There is no way anyone can humanely weld that thing effectively in battle.

Right?

>>34762363
I do think thou hast encountered one of the abominations many of the other /k/nights are speaking of. Thou hast not only civilly spoken with one, but procured an artefact!

>>34762363
By the grace of God's name, you have a German sword!? From the infamous German man thyself!? I WILL GIVE YOU THY LAND AND GOLD ALONG WITH THY DAUGHTER FOR THAT LARGE WEAPON!

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>>34756999
A Cathar heretick hath taken Residence in mine own Village. What Calibre of arrowhead would be Necessarie to dispatch of this Vile heathen?

These threads are gayer than the trap threads (which aren't gay, btw)

>>34762550
At least it's actually fun unlike your asshole was last night since it was so loose you slut.

>>34762529
You doth live in the era of romans. The Cathar faith is the one true faith.

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>>34757221

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Peasents! I, the lord of a small Duchy near the region knoweth as Brittany hath an idea!

Why not giveth the peasents appropriate arms to help fend for thine lands? Thine peasents should be as armed as I.

A merchant with a long nose is trying to stop mine efforts to help the peasents.

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Hear Ye, my fellow Nobelmen! Mine King Edward the First hath just expelled the Hebrew from mine country. Be ye men of honor who will take arms against the Hebrew in your own native land, or is thou a cuckhold? I might think ye the later, Ha Ha!

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Mine fellow /k/nights, I hath news. As of thine lords year of 1618, Mine county hath decided to split frometh the Holy Roman Empire due to religious differences. They tryeth to get us to Cathar whilst mine wanteth protestantism. War has been declared.

Whateth could go wrongeth tis shall be a short war.

>>34763214
Arm the peasants? HA! What next, make them king? HOHOHO! MAYHAPS THEY DECIDE AMONGST THEMSELVES HOW TO BE A COLLECTIVE KING! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

A GROUP KING!

>>34763264
Updateeth: 1623.

I wath wrong
I have spent mine lifetime at war
God spareth me

>>34763311
>>34763264
Keketh

>>34763289
Nay! Thine peasents hath had a surplus and as a ruler I reward them! Treateth think serfs goode and thy servants follow thineself to hell and thine return trip.

A seiging crossbow? The lords of van deimans land nerry letheth thy pesantry bequeath a nerf'ed cannonette! Fortunately thy constabulary be incorruptible and thy moors far too drunkard to raid thine homestead, lest I be skrewedeth!

>>34758803
Commit soduku

>>34760494
Germans? This must be a jest at best! The only thing horrifying about the Germans is their womenfolk! Being as fat as wide like a cow, and crotches smelt of clams.

>>34761583
Begone Moore!

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Stupid Flanders

>>34762550
>>34762670
Sodomy hast no place in this tapestry! Be gone with you heathen!

>>34763214
I would sooner believe you to be a village idiot than a noble...

>>34759654
See
>>34757325

>when all you plebeians believe that thou needs a siege crossbow when thou can use the great longbow and kill Frenchmen through their plating

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Peasant her, myt I humblee askth why The King insistest on baning duble edge assualt swerds from my fellow peasants? At best we ar allowd to own one side swerds such as thia falchion.
Pray there I not as edumicated as thee, so forgive my Engliah

>>34761608
they did pretty good all things considered, french population at the time was 13.4 million vs 3.7 million english

>>34764826
Not very surprising if you ask me. The French are better lovers than they are fighters. Just ask any other goat, pig, and any other barn yard animal.

>>34756999
Thou may still own a siege crossbow, so long as it does not touch thine shoulder

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>>34756999
I hear tell of warriors to the east of Moravia who utilize the crossbow in such a unique way

>>34765542
Might as well shoot it side ways like the Moors at this point...

I don't understand the whole german meme in this thread.

Can someone explain?

>>34766350
It's because in secret the english and french nobles wanted to get that big thick hard Zweihander sword and get GERMAN by them.

You can't denie it anymore because in secret you know you want that huge German cock really bad and want your women to have german sperm in their wombs so that your future kids will have German blood insuring that the German race will make the rest of Europe's race go extinct.

German is the true master race and so is our weapons.

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got this for 3 florins and a chicken
did i do good?

>>34756999
>'seige crossbows'

theyre modern sporting crossbows now GTFO

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I bear news from the principality of /pol/and. The king seeks able bodied men to garrison in his castle. Whilst thou accepteth?

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when last I made camp within the wood, I witnessed with mine own eyes a strange beast
i ask thee, what manner of weaponry is best suited for hunting such a demon

>>34766496
Thou shouldn't worry thyself

>>34766496

thou ist drunk go hither to thy homestead

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>>34766461
I hear there is thy Knights of kingdom of Germany are best in knightly jobs.

You should accept the german strong warriors into your ranks since they can be as tall as six or seven feet much taller than the english men and they welds giant weapons such as the infamous legendary Zweihanders they proudly use with great confidence also not to mention their superior masculine strength that can bend the frence knights armor with ease.

Plus they make the best beer in all of europe!

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>>34766496

>>34766496
The average hunting crossbow shall slay all but the heartiest of beasts. However, I beseech thee, have the bolts themselves blessed by a priest, should this monster prove to be anything other than a mere beast you will need the grace of the Almighty God by thy side.

>>34766496
Thou art surely jesting!

>>34766552
The of mine realm first sought these knights of Germany, but was most saddened to see that they have succumb to "The Yellow Fever"
It is a most dispicable form of black magic that must nair Reach the Red /k/astle

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>>34766591
Here is a painting commissioned of one of the German knights who hath succumb to the "Yellow Fever"
I forgot it in my haste!

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>>34766591
Have thou not ventured into the heartland of the german empire? Thy seems as if ye have came across what is known by thy strong german knights as 'degenerates' if I myself recall. Perhaps thou should venture foward with confidence and courage for those of done so have achieve their goals.

Be warn for ye must bring sausages and cabbages along with several fat pigs for the Germans take these as compliment and good showing of one's from outside of thy land of thy kingdom of Germany.

POLLAXE > EVERYTHING ELSE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTVC25hYJaY

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>>34766635
>ye must bring sausage and cabbages along with several fat pigs for the Germans
Prithee nay, I am but a poor messenger. I shall make haste on the morrow for the land south of Germania, it is rumored that there be "the Hebrew of the mountain"
By the Grace of God I might be able to secure their ill gotten Hold to replenish the Red /K/astle

English noble here.

I have came across hearing of the language that the germans have speak in their lands but I am having hard time of understanding it. The Frances language was easy to understand and so was Spain but when I hear or see German dialect and sound of the language it makes me fill with fear as it sounds of anger and power in it not to mention the lack of emotions in it other than coldness.

I tried to practice the language but ended up scaring the women waitress by mistake and the text in their language is by far very confusing to me!

How do these germans speak this language and understand what they are saying in perfection with each other and read their texts with great confidence?

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>Moors
>Good at the art of war

Choseth one

>>34766697
How does one reign victorious with only eleven of thine own men surviving?

>>34766697
Nice shoop faggot

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BY THE GRACE OF GOD! EVERYONE THERE IS A NONE WHITE WOMAN AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR SOULS DO NOT LET YOUR EYES FALL UPON THIS SIN!!!!!!

>>34766744
wrong era faggeth

>>34766710
By halting the advance of Moorish forces into Christian lands

>>34766779
The moors supposedly had thousands left, why could they not over power the eleven?
Are niggers just that inept?

>>34766802
That's a shoop.

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>>34757246
Yea and deserved they were in their downfall
Tapestry related

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>>34766744
>some Italian madman convinces you to join his crazy "westward route to India" expedition
>spend months at sea with no sight of land
>crew is starving and near mutiny
>LAND IS SIGHTED
>land and this is the first woman you see in months
>she thinks you are a god
>implying you wouldn't

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>>34756999
>What dost thy countrymen think of The King's ban on seige crossbows
fuck the nobility. you can have my ballista when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

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>"YOU LOUSY STUPID FUCKING WHORE! I FUCKING HATE YOU AND YOU ARE A WASTE OF FUCKING AIR YOU FUCKING STUPID SLUT! I WANTED THIS HOUSE TO BE SPOTLESS CLEAN AND YOU NOT TO SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND WHEN I HAVE MY FRIENDS OVER YOU GOT THAT DUMB BITCH!?"

>"i....i'm s..sorry master... please.......don't hurt me......"

>"FUCK YOU BITCH I WANT YOU TO START DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB!"

>"i......i love you........master....."

>"YEAH whatever bitch just get this place clean you disgusting pathetic pig!"

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>>34767116
please do not bully the anime

>>34767151
>>34767116
How now, where doth these strange paintings of anthropomorphic wenches originate, nave?

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Fellow men! I was out in about hunting pheasants with my bow and arrows til I heard a small whimper nearby the bushes. I got off my horse and ready myself for any dangers to come for I have made cautious approach to the nearby bush of where the whimper made from.

To my surprise when I looked into the bush was this small creature. It seemed to be nothing but a mere baby cub for it was crying all by thyself while making small audible whimpers and cries. When the small thing looked up to me it further made me more surprised than ever for this was a small baby fox but it had the complexity of a human being but it made no sense as to why it was all alone or how it came all the way out here.

As the small fox like baby looked up at me I had now witnessed the pure sadness in those eyes as it seemed that it was very lonely, hungry, thirsty and afraid so out of my own place of mind I reached down and picked up the poor thing.

It was crying but kept holding unto my garments tight as I got back on my horse and made haste back to my home where I took the small creature and gave it a bath and fed it with food and water, it was not easy to gain it's trust but after months of doing so it has finally paid off.

Gentlemen this is the little cute creature I had found in the woods all by thyself and now it seems to be very happy and full of innocence. What thou think of thy doings?

>>34766601
Such handsom facial hair... Surely it will not go out of style!

>>34766869
nothing wrong with sex slaves.

>>34767780
You blithering fool, it is nary a human! It is merely an Oriental mongrel, which in turn will grow to a height not much greater than it is now, but its frail and fragile body will be so full of heathen ideas and devilry that thou wilst find thyself perturbed and wondering wherein it is all contained.
Yea, twas not sooner than a fortnight ago one such, whom normally eked out a living as the village fool, approached mine liege with a queer notion of concocting a substance capable of conjuring hellfire with but the tiniest of spark from a flint, and made the outrageous suggestion that he harvest ingredients from human waste!
Wisely, my good lord ordered his head struck off at once, which I was only too happy to carry out for him.
Yea, for whilst they do no evil whilst they commit unnatural fornications with themselves whilst lecherously leering at their drawings of vague resemblance to women with eyes like dragon-flies and grossly disproportionate heads, they ought, nay, MUST be kept in check by a firm ruling hand, lest our grand societies succumb to the degeneracy and heathen customs these creatures practice.

>>34766765
I'm tired of all these newfellows showing up during the summer solstice

>>34766869
Souce please

>>34765542
>the tail of yon horse tied in such a short manner.
How sordid.

>>34766869
This is a Christian-Mongolian tapestry, such images are inappropriate. Please remove thy self

>>34766439
>buying from armorer John, son of john

ye hath been ripped off my friend, john son of john is a known drunkard and fool. go to village of Alfredsden and ask at the second hovel for peter son of thomas, far superior wood club for ye to purloin.

>>34756999
Have you seen those Moorish invaders lads? I heard they have curved swords!

CURVED

SWORDS

>>34768050
But it is just an innocent little cute thing now I mean by god man look at how cute the eyes are and how it behaves like an innocent little baby vixen.

Truly a cute little thing.

>>34767598
In a land far to the east, where some hath said that the sun does rise! Beware though, for the cat-eyed inhabitants of this land have been known to enjoy strange cuisine and even stranger pornographic material!

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>>34766744
>>34766869
Let's hear it ye godly gentlemen, what arms would you take along with you in your quest to claim a fitting bride in the new world?

I myself will be taking a brace a flintlocks and a stout dagger.

Men beware of a peasent that has been reparted by the king's men that goes by the name 'Antman' for he is been told to go lurking around in noble people's lands to and steal frogs and other critters and even animals and takes them to his wrenched den where he cripples their limbs and cast them away into his owm pit that he claims to call shelter.

There be sayings that his den is full of nothing but disgusting ants! How barbaric of this insane lunatic to cast helpless animals and critters into this pit but even worse is that this man claims to be a leading example of Christianity and claims to be a good sin free good Christian! Not only he is an insane lunatic but a sinful blasphemous bastard!

>>34768603
>Only a dagger for melee combat

Thou art a faggot. A true soldier of Christ should bring at least a sword along with the dagger as backup. What will thou do when thy flintlocks are spent? A dagger hath not the reach!

>>34768674
I hear that he even masturbates multiple times a day or whenever he prays to god. Truly an evil man that would commit a sin right infront of God's eyes as he screams in joy.

>>34768050
What threat dost an infantile creature that resides in the wild pose to the modern man? Surely you espouse their dangers in pure jest sir, for they are not capable of forming mere words!

Guys I'm a devoted catholic but this woman who i love greatly is a protestant and I really want to marry but don't know how to do this so can anyone help me please!

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>>34758803

>>34761583
Infidel! I pray to the lord that the Pope calls a crusade to reclaim the holy land!

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Dost anyone have any one know of any good plague survival gear? I bought this mask from a tall hooded fellow, said it might offer protection. Catholic Fanatics BTFO, your tactics of whipping thyn self in repentance dost not help! Such men who practiced the afermensioned tactic ended up dead with in a week. I'm look for REAL advise here. Specifically from DoctorBarbers...

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>>34769863
>it takes guts

>>34768542
Hath! Even the ancient romans had the skill to forge a straight sword! I wouvnt concern thyself with a race inept in forging a straight sword.

>>34770078
Simply retreat to thine holdfast rely on your provisions and ye shall be fine. If you mvst venture out a mask svch as in thine taperstry shall do wonders, be warned thou, do not proceed to contact with thine hands any such afflicted or consume from the local bores.

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>>34759812
Protestantism be a cancer, crawling amongst the veins of Christianity.
>>34762320
DEUS VULT, BROTHER
>>34763214
Let them sell their cloaks and buy their swords.
>>34764733
The (((king))) believes he is above the righteous Lord, and thus wishes to override His blessed teachings.

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King Macbeth did nothing wrong. Thou foolish plebs hast been verily deceived by those who benefit from the rule of (((King Malcolm))).

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Hey what up bitches! I just time travelled from the far future to tell you all that y'all ain't gonna be toting around with all that metal armor and riding horses in shit boy oh hell nah in the future there is these vehicles that can get you to places in very far in short time! And for armor well you really don't go around wearing all that tin can plates since in the future there is bullet vests and such but no one wears alot of that but just jeans and shirts man. Also we got guns that can shoot alot of rounds in short amount of time and can carry multiple magazines to carry ammo so no more of that flint lock shit man nah you got guns now and got small knifes that folds to fit inside your pockets now which is awesome but the best part is this phone I got here! It's called an android phone and the model is a Samsung galaxy phone which is like a computer but that can be fit into your pockets AND you can make calls to people from far away places so NO MORE SENDING LETTERS! alright niggahs I'm gonna go cuz I got some exploring to do oh almost forget! We got penicillin and antibiotics and vaccines for all the diseases so that black death disease welp I can just take penicillin and the cold just goes away in a few days. Alright peace out niggahs!

>>34771974
.........are you drunk peasent?

Any nobles awake in this hour of night or just me?

Bump

Bump

>>34770740
what of poor King Duncan whos't slain in bed?

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Yo'eth mine highest canines, true ruler of this flattest of lands in present, a squalid gathering of folk pale as mine palms arrived with offers to travel mine people to lands of far.. I strongest suspect there is folly afoot, should I trust them in their honourable words, not like mine kingdom shall fall to folly?

>>34764502
excellent

>>34764826
>>34765056
A lot of the French were fighting with the English too

>>34774338
Be est their noses as long and crook'd as a well used sythe?

>>34756999
Whom'st'd've made thee a sturdy broadsword.
>Pleasent for pursuit of township wenches
>Contemptouis swingage for slaying the devilish mongrels
dost thou not even be of usage in thine Broadsword?

>>34774338
Do not allow it! For they would not be considered kings outside the homeland!

>>34760494
>>34760494
you have no reason to fear the moors, traveler. their germanic swords only seem like towers compared to their short brown bodies, i assure you they are but mere toothpicks